I do not own or personally know any of the members of *NSYNC. The streets and locations named in this story are real, but are not the actual locations of any of the personal and PRIVATE homes of *NSYNC members. This story was written to prove a point about personal strength, not to piss people off about the accuracy of events that take place within the story. Thanks for reading and enjoy!

Prologue

"No, no no!! You can't leave me...I won't let you leave me!!" Rachel sat cross-legged on her floor insanely rummaging through a small keepsake box at her feet. She ran her fingers through every picture inside hurriedly, and ripped every picture of him in two. She couldn't handle this. Why had he left? He wasn't supposed to leave. They were going to live together forever and be 100 years old and die together. He wasn't allowed to leave first. She wiped away the smeared mascara running down her cheeks in an effort to calm herself and jumped off the floor, walking briskly over to her vanity where the rest of her pictures sat. For a moment, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror, and then thought better of it. She grabbed the silver picture frame and threw it at the mirror, causing it to shatter into a million pieces. Slowly she fell to the floor, her body overwhelmed by sobs of grief escaping from deep inside of her. "I can't do this...I can't be here without him...no no no..." She ran into her bathroom and rifled through the cabinets until she found what she was looking for. She grabbed her mother's old bottle of Prozac and a razor and headed back into her bedroom. Walking over to her nightstand, she picked up the Evian water bottle that was always conviently placed there and poured the remaining 20 or so pills contained in the prescription bottle into her mouth, washing them down with the water in her hand. She had almost started to calm down when she saw the teddy bear laying on her bed that he had given her so many years ago.

"NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed out in anguish and pulled at her hair, wishing that something would take away the pain she was feeling. All she could think about was dying. She would die to be with him now. Realizing that death was her ticket to freedom from the consistent grief that was to lie ahead in her future, she grabbed the razor. She pulled off the plastic protective covering, exposing the sharp edge of the razor. At first, she gently placed the razor above the vein located on her left wrist. She winced at her first taste of pain, but soon all was numb as she slashed her wrist over and over again. She fell off of the bed, razor in hand, and crawled over to the picture of him. She felt herself growing faint and collapsed onto the floor, gazing at the blood oozing from her wrist and onto the picture.
"Wait for me...I'm coming to you..." Her voice was a barely audible whisper. She faintly heard the door open and a voice scream out as she passed out into a world of complete darkness.

Chapter One

The light was blinding as she walked towards it. The closer it got, the more she felt the need to wince to shield her sensitive eyes from the beckoning and illuminating brightness. She could hear very quiet voices but couldn't make out people or words as she continued her journey. She turned as she heard a familiar voice call to her. "Go back..."
She recognized the voice and cried out.
"Joey? Is that you?"
"Yes it is me, Rachel."
"Where are you? Come to me...please come to me." She franctically searched for any sign of him, but all she could hear was his sweet voice talking to her.
"I can't come to you...and you can't see me right now. It isn't your time...you have to go back..."
"But Joe...I can't live without you...I have to be here with you..." "Rach, NO...your parents need you...your friends need you...MY family needs you...don't desert the ones who love you so much."
"Joey...I can't go on without seeing you every day...you have to let me be with you."
"You can't Rachel...you can't...please...if you ever loved me, you will go back where you belong...we'll meet again...I promise you..."
"But Joe--"
"I never break promises..."
"I know, Joe, I know..."
"Good..now go back...I love you..." His voice faded away and she felt her heart grow empty again. She knew what she had to do, and slowly turned away from the light. She walked slowly at first, but then picked up her speed as she ran back into the blackness and back into life.

Lauren sat by her best friend's bed, gripping tightly to her hand and praying that she would wake up. She had called her mother and father back home in Tennessee to tell them what had happened, and they would be there shortly. She had not left her side once since she had found her on her bedroom floor the previous night. Joey's mother had already been there, but found it too painful to stay. She couldn't bear to see her in the shape she was. Before leaving, she left a small silver ring and put it on her finger. It was a simple band that had hearts engraved into it and it read "Joe-Joe and Rach...Together Forever". She had found it in her son's bedroom a few days after the funeral and knew she had to give it to Rachel. She had lost so much blood the night she had tried to kill herself. The doctors were certain she had a minimal amount of brain damage and she had been comatose for the past twelve hours. She remembered how strong the bond was between the two of them and was sure that if anything could rally Rachel, it would be a piece of Joey.

**FLASHBACK**

"Come on, Sport...don't give up!" Joey helped Rachel up off of the ground and was trying to encourage her to try again. Rachel was only five years old, and Joey was five years her senior, but he loved her just like she was his own kid sister.
"But Joe...I am tired of falling..."
"Look, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...now come on, try again."
Rachel grudgingly looked towards her bicycle and climbed on top. Joey held onto the bike and started her at a good pace.
"Now come on...peddle...see...there ya go..."
He ran alongside her holding onto the bike and then gradually let go. Rachel didn't even realize that she was riding the bike all by herself.
"Woo hoo!!! See, look! There ya go! You are doing it!"
Rachel looked back and saw that Joey wasn't holding her anymore and smiled happily. She couldn't believe that she was finally riding by herself. No more training wheels...and it also meant that she could ride with Joey then. She slowly turned the bike around and headed back to where Joey was standing in the grass. She slowed it to a stop and jumped off, tackling him to the ground.
"I DID IT! JOE! I REALLY DID IT!"
He laughed and hit her playfully.
"See? Didn't I tell you? All you had to do was try."

Phyllis looked out the kitchen window of the Fatone house and smiled happily at the kids. Despite their obvious age difference, they still acted as though they were as close as siblings possibly could be. They had formed it from the day Rachel was born. Joey had instantly become a big brother to her. She remembered how excited he was to go and see the new baby across the street. From the moment he first got to hold her, he had formed a special bond with the girl. Five years later, it was still going strong. Nothing could get in the way of their relationship.

**END FLASHBACK**

Phyllis snapped out of her memory when she heard the phone ringing. She ran inside to answer it. It was Lauren.

"Hey sweetie...what's going on? Is everything okay?"
"Phyllis you have got to get here quick. Rachel is waking up and calling for you..."
"Ok I'll be right there." She hung up the phone and grabbed her keys and ran for her car.

Chapter Two

"Phyllis....please...Phyllis..."
Rachel was calling out from her sleep for Phyllis. Slowly a solitary tear fell from her eyes. Lauren looked at her friend through a pair of teary eyes and gently wiped the tear off of her cheek. She wished that her friend weren't going through the pain that she was. They had been best friends for so long and if there was one thing to be remembered about Rachel, it was her love for life. She never let anyone or anything get her down. She was strong and determined, but at the same time sensitive and in tune to her feminine side. She was funny and loved to do fun creative things to keep the spice in life. She absolutely hated lying around acting lazy and feeling bored. Seeing her lying in a hospital bed in such a vulnerable state ripped Lauren's heart out. This wasn't the Rachel she had grown to love over the past six years. Her deep thoughts were interrupted when the machines started to go crazy. Lauren looked up at the heart monitor and saw that it the lines would reach a peak and then flat line. She frantically screamed for the nurse and held onto Rachel's hand. She started shaking and Lauren knew she was having a seizure. The nurses ran into the room and brushed Lauren aside so they could stabilize her best friend as fast as they possibly could. One nurse grabbed a tongue depressor and inserted it into her mouth to keep her from swallowing her tongue and three other nurses held onto Rachel tightly. A fourth nurse came in with a syringe in hand and quickly injected it into Rachel's arm. Slowly, the seizure passed and Rachel lay in her bed motionless and pale once again.

Lauren clung to the wall during the whole episode, scared by what was happening to her. She didn't understand any of the medical procedures, but prayed to God that the doctors knew how to help her friend. She sank to the floor in sobs and wept in her hands until Phyllis ran into the room.

"Oh Lauren...honey....." Phyllis dropped to the floor by Lauren and took her into her arms. Lauren let all of her pent-up emotions out...screaming at God for taking Joey away and letting this happen to her friend...angry at the world for it's near loss of an exceptional person. All Phyllis could do was gently rock her in her arms and run her fingers through her hair in an attempt to calm Lauren down.
"Phyll....why did this happen...why??!!" Lauren looked up at her with pleading eyes, looking for answers.
"Sshhh...God has his reasons. You remember what Joey always used to say, don't you?" The blank look on her face told Phyllis that those few words had slipped her mind, but she was quick to refresh them. "Remember....what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Lauren let a little smile form at her lips remembering how many times Joey had said that...it was his motto on life. It helped him get through so many trials in his life, and now even after his death, those words were trying to bleed through the pain and comfort his family and friends. Gradually the tears stopped flowing and Lauren began to calm down.
"See? It's ok..." Phyllis placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and then got up and walked over to Rachel's bed. She placed her hand in Rachel's limp and fragile one and felt more memories rushing back into her mind.

**FLASHBACK**

Rachel sat crying on the front porch swing. She couldn't believe what Joey was telling her. He had to move? What was she supposed to do? Who was she supposed to play with?
"But Joe...I don't want you to leave..."
"Rach I don't want to either, but I have to..."
"But Florida is so far away..."
"I know." He took her hand in his and gingerly held it. Rachel was trying to act mature for her eight years and not cry too much, but Joey knew her better than that. He heard her let out a small sob that she tried to conceal, and took her into his arms. His touch made the tears flow freely and all she could do was sob and let it all out.
"Joe..I..don't..want...you..to...to...leave...me..." She cried into his shoulder and he held her tighter.
"I know, Rach...I know...but I have to. Whoever said we can't still be best buddies?"
"You..will...be..so...so...far...away..."
"Never far enough to keep from getting to you...you know that don't you?"
"Yes..."
"Ok then...you have nothing to worry about...I'll be there for you, ok?"
Rachel looked up at him then with a small smirk on her mouth.
"Even..even when Mike tries to beat me up? Will you be there then?"
"Sure...I will come back and beat him up for you..how's that? Not like you couldn't take him on your own!"
Rachel let out a laugh and Joey gave her another hug and then got up and ran into the yard to get her spirits rallied up again with a game of kickball.

Phyllis was watching out the front door and smiled to herself. Even distance wasn't going to keep those two apart.

**END FLASHBACK**

She broke herself away from her thoughts and gazed down at Rachel's small frame lying still in the bed. She ran her hand over the features of her angelic face and bent down to give her a small kiss. She turned and walked towards Lauren and took her down to the hospital's cafeteria. She was sure Lauren hadn't eaten anything since Rachel had been admitted, and her maternal instincts took control and she persuaded Lauren to go eat something, even if it was just a piece of fruit.

As they were walking out the door Lauren turned to look at her friend one last time.

"Will she be okay?"
"I don't know, sweetie...I just don't know..."

Chapter Three

A week passed by with no change in Rachel's condition. Her coma was still present, but it had not worsened and that was the one small hope that everyone was clinging to. Her parents had arrived in Orlando the day after the accident and were staying in a guest bedroom of Phyllis and Joe's house. There was really nothing else to do but wait for Rachel to pull through. Phyllis knew that she eventually would wake up...she was a strong girl and she knew deep inside of her heart that she wasn't ready to give up just yet. Something had pulled her back and she already had a strong conviction as to what it was. The Sunday following the accident marked the one month anniversary of Joey's death and Phyllis paid a visit to the cemetary. She slowly walked up to the plot where he was laid to rest and sat down gingerly. She fingered the new grass sprouting up from the dirt for a few minutes and reading his tombstone.

Joseph Anthony Fatone, Junior.
B. January 28, 1977 D. March 16, 2002
"God Definitely Spent A Little More Time On You...our Angel."

She smiled at the engraving. She knew that God had his reasons for taking her baby away from her and she found comfort in that. She straigtened the flowers remaining at the tombstone and then arranged her new daisies in the ground beneath the stone. She felt tears enter her eyes and at last let them go.
"Joey I love you so much....you will always be my angel..."
She patted the ground beneath her and continued her conversation with him.
"Joe...Rachel needs you so much right now. I know that you can't be with her physically and that you can no longer hold her or touch her...but please...just be with her. Somehow, someway..."
She let a tear fall to the ground and watched as it dissolved into the dirt. She laughed as another memory came to her mind.
"Do you remember when you finally convinced Rachel to wear a dress to that church dance? Everyone had all but given up hope on her. There was no way she was giving up jeans and a T-shirt for some girlish dress. But you tried your hand at her, and what do you know? She walked down the stairs with that dress on...Joe, you always had a way with talking her into things. Please do that now..bring our Rachel back to us....talk her into coming back...to finding strength...give her that encouragement..."
As she talked she felt a presence with her. She didn't see anything, but deep down she knew that Joey was with her then. She felt an overwhelming sense of peace and reassurance wash over her and felt comforted that everything was going to work out.
"I need to go back to Rachel now...but I love you, Joe. I always will. You are my baby."
She kissed her fingers and then placed them on the ground, giving "Joey" a kiss.

**In The Hospital**

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger..."
A voice echoed in Rachel's mind. She couldn't place it and couldn't open her eyes to see where it was coming from. The voice seemed to know her thoughts and responded.
"Remember me, Rachel..."
"Joey?"
"Yes, it's me darlin'.."
"Where are you?"
She wanted so desperately to open up her eyes so that she could see him.
"Rachel you can't see me...I am in your heart...where I have always been and always will be..."
"Joey--"
"Rach...go back...fight with all of your might...get better...for the family, for your friends...for yourself, and for me. Fight, little girl..I know you can..."
"But it's so hard..."
"I know....but sweetie...what have I always said?"
"I know...what doesn't kill me makes me stronger..."
"See? Now go back..I promised you we would meet again one day and we will..but right now you need to go and live your life. Make me happy, Rachel. Remember me always and we will never be apart..." His voice started fading out into an emptiness again and she slowly whispered.
"I will remember you..."

Lauren was sitting in the chair flipping through a magazine when she thought she heard something. She looked towards Rachel and saw her eyes flinching like she was trying to open them. She lurched towards the bed watching intently at the movements her friend was making. She heard a barely audible "I will remember you" escape from her lips. Slowly her eyes started opening. They were heavy at first and gradually adjusted to the light.

"Rachel?" She watched as Rachel's eyes followed her voice and placed themselves on her.
"Oh my God...Rachel..." She ran out into the hallway calling to Phyllis and the doctors.
"She is waking up....get in here!"
Lauren ran back to her former place by her friend's bedside and let tears escape from her eyes.
"Rach...it's me Lauren.."
Rachel slowly nodded her head, letting her know that she knew who she was. She tried to speak but Lauren stopped her.
"Ssshhh...save your strength."
Phyllis and a doctor ran into the room. A sparkle lit up in Rachel's eyes as she caught sight of Phyllis standing by her.
"Oh sweetie..." Phyllis gently stroked her face with all of the love and compassion of a mother's touch. "Welcome back..."
Rachel's eyes roamed around the room, taking in her surroundings. Lauren noticed the look of confusion that fleeted through her friend's facial and expressions.
"Sweetie, you are in the hospital. You had an accident, but you are back with us now...you are going to be ok..."

She bent down and placed a small kiss on her cheek. The doctor asked them to step out of the room for a few moments while he checked her condition to make sure she wasn't suffering from any severe complications. After a few minutes he exited the room, saying that she was sleeping again, but that she was definitely stable and out of her coma. He told Phyllis and Lauren that it would still be a few days before they could determine the extent of any damage done to her body and that right now, what she really needed was rest. Lauren was so happy that her friend had returned to her and cried tears of joy. She embraced Phyllis in an emotional hug and sobbed.
"I was so scared...I didn't know if I would ever see those eyes again..."
"I know honey....I know...but you know what?"
"What?" Lauren pulled away to listen to what Phyllis had to say.
"I am sure that someone had a hand in it..." She smiled thinking of the talk that she had with Joey earlier that week.
"I am sure I know who....Joey..."
"Yes...he always had a way with her..."
"Looks like he always will." She smiled one of her first smiles in the past week and a half since the incident had occurred and held onto Phyllis, both of them emersed in happiness at Rachel's long but certain recovery.

Chapter Four

The next week went by slowly, as it was filled with tests and tight watches on Rachel’s condition. Every day she gained strength and it looked like she would be out of the hospital within the next week. Everyone was scared to mention what had happened to Rachel, afraid that her mental state was too fragile to be messed with at such a critical point in her recovery. A few days passed and when the doctors felt sure that she was going to be okay, Phyllis decided to finally talk to her about that night.

“Rachel?” she said, slowly opening the door. Rachel wiped a tear away from her cheek and put a magazine she had been looking at on the nightstand beside her bed before looking up and answering to her name.
“Oh, hey Phyllis...” she managed to say, trying hard to smile. “Hey honey...how are you doing?”
“Ummm...as okay as I can be I guess.”
“Rach...can we talk?”
“About what?” She tried to act as naive as she possibly could, but it didn’t work with Phyllis.
“You know exactly what it is that I want to talk about. Don’t try to cover it up.”
“I don’t want to talk about him...I don’t want to talk about anything associated with him...so I guess that means I don’t want to talk to you.”
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to talk to me, Rachel. You aren’t going to push me away that easily. I have practically raised you. Say all of the harsh words you want to say, but I am staying.”
“Why does everyone want to be in MY business?”
“Honey--”
“Don’t call me honey.”
“Rachel. It is my business. I love you...you are like my own daughter. I am making your business my business.
“You know,” she said, turning her head towards Phyllis. “I can handle all of this on my own.”
“Can you? Can you really handle the fact that Joey is gone?”
“Stop it!” She tried to cover her ears with her hands, but Phyllis pulled them away.
“Can you really handle the fact that you don’t think you are strong without Joey here with you?”
“Phyllis I said stop it!!!!!!”
“Rachel...can you deal with the fact that you aren’t in the same place that Joey is??”
“I SAID STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Rachel...listen to me--”
“No! I told you I can handle it on my own!!! I can do this!!!”
“Obviously you can’t....why would you try to take your own life? Do you have any idea how badly you scared all of us?”
“Don’t try the guilt trip thing on me,” she warned.
“I am not trying anything but trying to reach out to you. First I lost my son and then I turn right back around and almost lose you. I almost lost my mind, Rachel!” She started to cry and that is when Rachel finally took her barrier down. Phyllis had always been like Joey...strong and determined, able to get through almost anything. Seeing Phyllis cry and in a vulnerable position, tore Rachel’s heart apart.
“Phyll--” She reached out a hand and stroked her hair. “I’m sorry...” “I know you are, honey. Just please promise me that you will be strong for me? Please?”
Rachel slowly nodded her head.
“Thank you. And you do know that if you need to talk about anything in this world, you can talk to me?” Once again Rachel nodded her head in agreement.
“Ok...sweetie, please get your rest. It’s been a long day for you.” She helped Rachel get comfortable in her bed and kissed her tenderly on the forehead.
“I love you.” She smiled at Rachel and she returned those three precious words to Phyllis.
“I love you, too.”

Chapter Five

**In Heaven**

Joey watched down at the scene unfolding in Rachel’s hospital room and smiled. He was proud of the bond that Phyllis and Rachel shared with each other. He knew that their special connection would help them get through his death and move on in their lives, although it would be a rough road ahead. He watched Rachel sleeping in her bed and smiled.

“You look so beautiful, Rach...” He longed to reach out and caress her cheek and hold her, but knew he couldn’t. He took comfort knowing that one day he would be able to do it again. As he watched her rest, his mind ran wild with memories of Rachel and his friendship. He still remembered that day....

**Flashback**

“JOEY!!!!!!!!” Rachel ran to the end of the terminal and dropped her backpack at her best friend’s feet, grabbing him into a long-awaited hug. “Oh my God I have missed you so much!!!”
“Same here, kid. It’s been too long.” He pulled her back in for another hug and then picked up her backpack and headed towards the baggage claim.
“Wow you have changed!” He said as he noticed that she had traded in her jeans and dirty baseball T-shirts for skirts and cute tops and blouses. She blushed at his comment. “Why does it look bad?”
“No...I don’t mind at all.” He said, winking at her. Rachel felt her face flush again and walked with her head down so Joey couldn’t see.

The ride home was near silent as they took in just being close to each other. Their thoughts were flooded with old memories from their childhood. They had promised to keep touch, and they had did so via phone calls and letters and e-mail for nine long years. Rachel’s family was strapped for money and could never afford to fly her to Orlando to see Joey, and Joey was too busy with school and his career to fly to New York to see her again. So much had happened between the two of them since the last day they had seen each other, and they made sure to catch each other up.

“Joey I am so happy that you have been so successful with your group...” She genuinely told him, smiling.
“Thanks. It gets a little rough at times, but I am handling it okay.”
“Yeah...good thing that head of yours hasn’t swollen to immense proportions with all of your fame and money. Not to mention the thousands of girls throwing themselves at you.”
“Oh stop...you know Mom raised me better than that.”
“Yeah I do.” Her thoughts drifted away to Phyllis for a few moments before Joey broke the silence.
“Ok...I have told you all about what I have been up to, from A to Z. Now why don’t you update me?”
“There’s nothing as interesting as your story in my life,” she said grinning. “I am not exactly a pop star or anything. I graduated high school and am thinking of going to college...that’s it.”
“Oh come on...how are your parents?” Her eyes clouded over almost instantly.
“Uh oh...trouble?”
“Yeah I guess you could say that.” She was desperately trying to avoid the subject, but Joey was being persistent.
“Come on...tell me about it...”
“Well,” she said as she cleared her throat. “As you know, Mom and Dad got divorced last year and that was extremely hard on me. After it was finalized, everything went downhill instead of getting better. Mom and I never really had a strong bond, so it wasn’t much of a surprise to me that we drifted apart even more. But Dad...well we had always been inseperable. Slowly, he stopped caring about things in my life...he found a new love and forgot about me.”
“Do you really think he totally forgot about you?”
“Honestly? Yes I do. It’s so hard to explain...but there is no love between us anymore and it sucks. I love my Daddy..more than anything...”
The tears started to pour as she said it. Joey took her in his arms and coaxed her, telling her everything would be okay and eventually work out. She cried on his shoulder for several minutes before finally letting it all out. She told him about how she felt left out of social circles at school and excluded from her own family. She told him about all of the days when she felt fat, ugly, and stupid and just wanted to run away from everyone. Eventually she started calming down. He pulled her face up and held it in both of his hands so he could look into her eyes. He wiped away the tears resting on her cheeks with a thumb from each hand and gently stared at her.
“A pretty girl like yourself shouldn’t ever cry...” Rachel began to laugh his comment off, but Joey stopped her. “No I am serious. You are beautiful...inside and out. No matter what anyone says.”

He bent down and gave her a gentle kiss. He felt her tense up and pulled away. Rachel looked at him and then pulled him in for another kiss. They let their lips rest on each others for a few moments before separating and looking at each other. Rachel laid her head on his chest and fell asleep in only minutes. Joey felt his heart racing and wasn’t sure what had just happened or what would come of it, but he knew that he liked it. A lot.

**End Flashback**

Joey snapped back into the present and felt his heart ache as he watched from afar at Rachel lying in her bed. He promised himself then that he would always watch over her and protect her as he always had, and that nothing, not even his death, was going to stop his love for her.

Chapter Six

After Rachel was released from the hospital, she moved back in with Lauren at their apartment off of Alafaya Trail. Phyllis had offered for Rachel to stay with her and Joe and the rest of the family, but Rachel knew she wouldn’t be able to handle going inside that house just yet. Lauren had gone to great lengths to get Rachel’s room clear of any memory of Joey, but still comfy enough to feel like home. She had boxed up all of Rachel’s gifts from Joey...the teddy bear he gave her on her sixth birthday, the silver photo frame with the picture of both of them naked running through a street sprinkler in their younger days...anything that could possibly cause her grief, she put away. She had went through the trash in Rachel’s room and found the torn up pictures of Joey and took the time to piece them back together and tape them up. Those pictures were too precious to throw away and she knew that someday Rachel would want those back. Rachel noticed the measures that Lauren had taken and silently thanked her for it.

“Hey, Rach...Justin is having a cookout tonight and he would really like to see you...that is, if you are up to it.”
“Yeah...I’ll go...besides, I miss seeing those wacky guys.”

Lauren smiled at her friend and then left the room to go and call Justin to let him know that Rachel would be coming. Rachel sat down on her bed and looked out the window thinking of when she had first moved to Orlando. After high school, she decided that she did in fact want to go to college, but she didn’t want to go anywhere in New York. She needed time away from life in the city, and Joey knew that, so he pulled some strings and got her enrolled at The University of Central Florida. Lauren was one ofher best friends and she had been looking at the school, so both of them moved down there and into the same apartment that they were living in now. It had been three years, and it only seemed like yesterday. Her thoughts were interuppted by the phone ringing. She walked over to it and answered.

“Hello?”
“Why hello! My, oh, my did I miss hearing that sweet voice of yours.” Rachel grinned widely as she recognized the voice.
“Hi JC. What’s up?”
“I think I should be asking you that...why aren’t you here enjoying the weather with us?”
“Hold your horses...Lauren and I are coming in a few minutes. Sheesh.”
“Good...because I want to see my girl.”
“Don’t worry you will. Oh, Lauren is ready to leave. Talk to you soon. Bye.”

The girls arrived at Justin’s house off of MetroWest Boulevard in a few short minutes. The smell of hamburgers wafted off of the grill and into the house as they stepped inside. Justin greeted Lauren with a hug and kiss.

“Hello love...”
“Hello to you, too...” She smiled sweetly at him. They had been together for almost two years and were still as in love as ever. Justin noticed Rachel standing in the living room trying to mind her own and walked over to her, gently picking her up off of the floor and spinning her around.
“I am so glad you are here...” He put her down and gave her a hug.
“Me too...I think this is what I needed all along...”
“Damn right! Everyone needs a little bit of Curly love.”
“Yeah yeah yeah...well you can continue to gloat on yourself a little more while I go and see the other four, I mean three, important men in my life.” She glanced at the floor trying to hide the tears that had started to form. Justin noticed it and made a mental note to talk to her about it later. Rachel walked outside towards the pool area and was greeted by several happy faces.
“Rachel!”
“Rach!”
“ERRRRNNNNIIIEE!”
She laughed as Chris ran up to her calling her by his name for her. “Hi guys...” They all gave her hugs and kisses and talked to her for a bit before heading inside to eat.
“Are you coming?” Lance looked at her.
“I will in a bit...” she smiled at him and ushered him into the house.

The night passed on quickly and around ten Lauren took Rachel back home because she was getting tired.
“Sorry to be a party pooper guys..”
“No don’t worry about it, sweetie...you have been through a lot...go and rest.” JC gave her a kiss on the cheek while helping her into the car.
“JC’s right...you need your rest...”

Lauren helped Rachel get settled into her bed and gave her a hug and a kiss.
“I love you sweetie...”
“I love you too Laur...”
Lauren turned and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Rachel was almost asleep when the phone rang.

“Hello?”
“Rach?”
“Hey Justin.”
“Sorry to wake you up...”
“No it’s okay...what’s up?”
“Well I wanted to talk to you about something...I hope it’s ok...”
“I have a pretty good idea what you want to talk to me about and it’s ok....”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to--”
“Justin, it’s ok...I have to deal with this sometime, so I might as well start with one of my best friends, right?”
“OK...well I heard what you said today...about the three most important men in your life.”
“Yeah, so?”
“Well I heard you start to say four--”
“Oh that...well I corrected myself...there are three imporant men in my life now.”
“No-that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. You don’t have to pretend anymore that you don’t care about Joey or that you don’t miss him. I don’t know who you are even trying to act for--”
“Justin I am not acting for anyone..”
“Then dammit, Rachel...admit to yourself...admit to someone your feelings for Joey. We all can see it and you trying to hide the fact that you love him is killing all of us...and it will kill you, too, eventually.”
“Look, don’t worry about me--”
“No..I am going to worry about you. And I am going to worry about Joey’s memory, too. There is no use in denying that he was one of the ‘four important men’ in your life. We all know that he was the most important one. Don’t even try to say he wasn’t.” Rachel began to cry as Justin’s words stung her.
“Justin I miss him so much...” She finally admitted what she was feeling and sobbed. Justin could feel the tears coming to his eyes.
“We all do, honey. It’s not the same without him...but what would Joey do?”
“Kick my ass for putting my life on hold for him?”
“Exactly. Just please promise me that you will start admitting that Joey was in your life and that he was special to you. If you don’t do anything else for me ever again, just do that for me.”
“I promise.”
“Ok, good. Now, you need your rest..but I love you and I will call tomorrow and check up on you.”
“Ok...love you too...bye.”

She hung up the phone and felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. She had tried for the past month to hide her emotions and the hurt that she was feeling and it had only caused her more grief. She had taken the first step to healing and she was already liking the results.

Chapter Seven

Rachel was sitting on the couch intently watching the latest episode of Ally McBeal when she heard a knock at the door.
"Damn..right at the good part, too." She turned down the volume and walked towards the door. "Who is it?"
"Your favorite person in the whole wide world." She grinned as she recognized the voice.
"Why of course.....it is Monsieur Chasez..." She greeted him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek and led him into the apartment. The smell of Chinese food perked up her sensory smell and made her stomach instantaneously growl. "What's all this?"
"Oh...well I was driving over here to see you and remembered how we always used to have our Little China parties and thought that maybe it would be cool to live in the past a little for tonight." He looked at her with a cautious look, seeking either approval or rejection.
"I love it!!! But you better have some sweet and sour chicken and egg rolls in there or I am going to have to kick your Yankee ass."
"Yes m'am!" He sat down the bags of food on the kitchen table and gave her a sarcastic salute.
"Alright...smartass. Since you insist on me being subservient to me, SERVE ME!"
She laughed as his bottom lip started to pout. JC had really come through for her in the months since Joey's death. They had always been extremely close buddies, and in their grief, their bond became even stronger. JC had been one of Joey's closest pals. Even though everyone in *NSYNC were close, Joey and JC were as close to brothers as they possibly could be without actually having similar blood lines. They ate their meal on a happy note, and sat in the living room reciting all of the lines to "The Breakfast Club" while the tape itself played on mute.
"--slip her the HOT BEEF INJECTION!" For some reason JC had always got into that one line of the movie.
"SHUT UP!"
"What?"
"JC...that's what Claire and Andy say. God..it really has been a long time since you have seen this movie." She laughed at him and threw a pillow in his direction.
"That's it little girl....you are toast!"
He tackled her on the floor and started "tickle-fighting" her. It was what they loved to call it because both of them were extremely ticklish.
"Joshua Scott Chasez...get your nasty hands off of me!"
"Nope..never....JC Cooties alllllll over you!"
"Agh!!!"

She finally managed to push him off of her and started to get up, only to be forced down again by JC, who had pulled her legs sending her spiraling back to the floor again. She landed on top of him with a thud and found herself starting intently into his blue eyes. JC pushed the fallen strands of hair that were blocking her eyes away and tucked them behind her ears. It seemed like eternity elapsed while they were lost in each others gaze, and it would have passed through infintity if the turning of the door locks hadn't broke them apart.
"What in the hell are you two doing?" They both looked up at a confused Lauren.
"Tickle-fighting!" They said in unison.
Lauren just laughed it off and called them crazy. At eleven, JC went home because it was past his bedtime. They both said their goodbyes to him and Rachel was just about to walk into her room to go and crash in her own bed before Lauren stopped her.
"I don't think so, Missy. You are going to stay here and talk to me." "About what?"
"Just what is going on between you and JC?"

Chapter Eight

Rachel turned and looked at Lauren. "What do you mean?"
"You know exactly what I mean."
"Lauren...JC and I are just friends...nothing more."
"It seems to me that lately you guys have gotten a lot closer."
"Is that a bad thing?" She raised an eyebrow to emphasize her point.
"No it's not...JC is a great guy. I just want to make sure you are ready for this."
"Ready for what, Lauren? Friendship?"
"No, Rach. More than that. Like, a possible relationship with JC."
"That's nonsense. JC is like my brother. Besides, I am doing just fine without a boyfriend." Rachel turned to walk into her room.
"Is this because of Joey?" Rachel stopped dead in her tracks.
"What did you just say?" She slowly turned around to face her.
"You heard exactly what I said and I don't feel the need to repeat myself."
"Nothing is about Joey anymore, Lauren. So don't worry about it."
"No Rachel....everything has something to do with Joey now. You say you have moved on, but have you really? You are scared to get involved in another relationship because of Joey. You don't want to grow too close to JC because of Joey. Why?"
"Because I was in love with Joey Lauren! Because I don't have in my life anymore! Because he is gone and he is not coming back to me!!!!! Is that what you want me to say? That I fucking went insane when he died? That I tried to kill myself because I am a psychotic bitch over the death of the one man who actually gave a shit about me?" Rachel fell to the floor in sobs and Lauren went over to her and held her.
"Rach...ssshhh...no that's not what I wanted to hear. Please....honey..."
"Lauren...Joey was my best friend," she looked up at her. "And he was also the man I wanted to be with forever."
"I know, honey. All of us knew.."
"But Joey didn't."
"No, he did. And he knows now. I am sure he has always known." "But I didn't ever tell him...."
"You didn't have to, Rach. The way you looked at him....words sometimes can't say what needs to be said. Your touch, your smile, your laugh...those are the things that let him know."

**In Heaven**

Joey watched and listened carefully to the heartfelt and emotional words pouring out of Rachel's mouth. Lauren was right. He had always known that Rachel loved him. And he always wanted to return that love to her. He loved her from the day he first saw her. Over the years, their love grew...from playmates, to best friends, and eventually more. He had wanted to be with her forever, but now he couldn't be with her in the way that they both wanted so badly. He only wished that she would move on and find happiness. And he couldn't think of anyone better than JC. Deep in his heart, he knew JC would give her the love and affection that she needed.

"Rachel....go to JC...it's ok...I promise..."

Chapter Nine

Rachel thought about all Lauren had said and knew she had to deal with her unresolved feelings for Joey somehow. She got in her car and drove around for an hour until she found herself at the front door of Phyllis's house. She knocked on the door and waited for a few minutes. No one answered and she was about to leave when Phyllis finally answered the door.
"Rachel?"
"Hey..." She smiled weakly at her.
"How are you honey? You can come in...if you want..."
"Yes...I want to come in. I have been putting this off for a while now and I think it is time that I face the fact that this is your house also. Even without Joey here."
"Ok honey...come in..." She opened the door wide enough to allow Rachel in and then closed it behind her. Rachel took in the aroma of the house. It always smelled like fresh flowers and homecooked food. It had always been a welcoming presence whenever she came over. She walked to the hallway beside the kitchen and looked at the pictures hanging there. Her heart flashed with pain as she glanced at Joey's senior picture from Dr. Philipps High and then her eyes began to water. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves and then smiled as she began remembering his features.
"He is so beautiful..."
"Yes he is..." She was startled that Phyllis had heard her. She hadn't even realized that she had followed her down the hallway. Rachel turned her head and glanced at the closed door at the end: Joey's bedroom.
"Phyllis...did you leave everything how he left it?"
"Yes..most of it...do you want to go inside?"
Rachel began to shake her head no, but then decided to go ahead and tough it out.
"Yeah.."
"Ok honey...I will be in the kitchen if you need me." Phyllis turned and walked away. Rachel took a few deep breaths and began slowly walking towards the door. She opened the door and closed her eyes. She stepped inside of the room and closed the door behind her. Slowly she opened her eyes and looked around the room. She smiled as she saw his Superman collection in the same place as it had always been. The posters and pictures and comics. She walked over to his closet and opened it, almost surprised to find some of his clothes still hanging there. She pulled out his favorite shirt...the infamous Superman one and took in its scent. She could still smell him on it. His cologne...his natural smell. He always smelled so good. She cradled the shirt in her arms and walked over to the bed. That bed...it held so many memories. She sat down on it and let her mind be overcome with memories.

**Flashback**

"Joey!!!!!!!! Give that back to me!!!" Rachel screamed at him from the pool.
"Finders keepers, losers weepers!" He taunted her as he held the top of her two piece in his hands, dangling it above her head.
"That line is so old. Joey I am not kidding. Give that back to me...NOW!"
"Nope!"
"Look, I know that your hormones are in overdrive and you are desperately wanting to see some naked wet women...but it ain't happening. Give it back." She watched as he shook his head no. "I'm warning you." This time he simply shrugged his shoulders. "JOSEPH ANTHONY FATONE JUNIOR!!!!!!"
"Ohh...I love women who can call me by my whole name and pull it off." he said, laughing.
"That's it....I don't care anymore. You better run for your life!"
With that, she got out of the pool, shielding herself with her hands and running after him. Realizing that she was serious, Joey ran into his bedroom and closed the door.
"JOEY! Let me in there NOW!" Rachel pushed with all of her might to get the door open, but Joey wouldn't budge. She wasn't easily swayed, though, and continued to force all of her weight against the door until finally it came crashing open. She tumbled to the floor and on instinct, covered herself again.
"Whoops....must have let go too soon..." He smiled at her.
"This isn't funny. Help me up."
"What's the magic word?"
"Please?"
"OK fine." He gave her a hand and pulled her up, but instead of letting go, he took his other hand and grabbed her by the waist pulling her close to him.
"Joey..what are we doing?"
"Ssshhh..." He put a finger to her mouth to quiet her and then replaced it with his lips. The kiss started out slow and easy at first but soon picked up pace and became filled with passion. He moved his mouth down her neck and noticed that she still had her arms wrapped across her breasts and pulled them apart. Rachel felt a fast rush of embarrassment, but it soon melted away as Joey gently fondled her breasts and kissed her neck. He led her over to his bed and hoisted her up onto it, positioning himself on top of her. Soon all reason was lost as the two made love for the very first time together. All of the love and emotion they had felt for each other in the past twenty years was put into it and it became the most powerful and erotic lovemaking either of them had ever experienced. They knew each other so well that they didn't have to tell each other what pleased the other the most...they already knew. Joey fit inside of her perfectly and it felt as if Rachel was the one that was made for him. Everything about her was perfect. Her eyes, her hair, her smile, her figure...it rounded itself out in the most exquisite ways and it was a beautiful sight to behold. They moved together as one until finally reaching a wondeful climax. Rachel held onto him for dear life as their heartbeats raced until finally slowing down and allowing their breaths to become regular once again. "Joey...I...I..." She ran her fingers through his damp hair as she began talking to him.
"Ssshhh....don't say anything...just stay here with me..."
He rested his head on her chest and they fell into a peaceful slumber still joined. At that moment, both of them felt completely whole and perfect and dreamt that the feeling they were sharing at that moment would never end.

**END FLASHBACK**

Rachel snapped back into reality and wiped away the tears that had fallen from her eyes. She breathed in the smell of his shirt one last time before placing it back into the closet. She looked around the room once more before walking out and shutting the door behind her. She walked into the kitchen and saw Phyllis and went over to where she was standing and gave her a hug.
"Thank you..."
"For what?"
"For giving me Joey...and for....just being you..."

Phyllis smiled and hugged her tightly, glad to have the old Rachel back. She knew right then that everything was going to be okay and that from that point on, eveything was sure to go uphill once again.

Chapter Ten: The Conclusion

Rachel knocked on the door loudly for close to five minutes. He must have been sleeping as usual.
"JC! Come on...I know you are here....WAKE UP!" After a few more minutes of banging, a groggy JC answered the door. He looked at her through red and unadjusted-to-the-real-world-eyes.
"Rachel?"
"Yeah, JC..it's me..I am really sorry to wake you up, but I need to talk to you."
"Ok...come on in..." He closed the door behind her and followed her to the couch, where she had already taken her seat.
"So what did you want to talk to me about?" He said with a yawn.
"Well....oh goodness...it's about me and you..."
"Yeah?"
"Oh this is harder than I thought..." Rachel got up and began pacing through the living room and JC stood still, watching her with curiousity.
"What is? What's hard?"
"Well, you...me...me...you...our friendship...maybe more...oh hell I don't know."
"Rachel, will you sit down and stop moving...you are making me want a cigarette and I don't even smoke."
Rachel heeded to his request and sat down on the couch once again. "Ok...JC...I guess why I really came over here is to find out something..."
"Ask."
"I'm trying. Give me some time. My brain is rattled right now." JC laughed at her and sat back in a recliner, relaxing while he gave her all of the time in the world that she needed. "Ok...I am ready now." JC sat up and looked at her seriously. "Stop looking at me like that. I'll lose my nerve." He smiled and turned his head away from her.
"OK...yeah that's better. Ok...is there any way that you possibly have feelings for me? You know...like more than friends..more than a kid sister...you know that type of thing?"
JC was taken aback by her question at first and then turned his head so that he was facing her once again.
"Excuse me?"
"Oh my God..ok...guess not...well I am leaving now..it was nice talking to you...ummm...see you around." Rachel got up to leave but was stopped when JC pulled her by the arm.
"No that's not what I meant...I mean...I was just startled...I mean yes...no..yes...YES...it is more than possible."
"More than possible?"
JC stepped closer to her and stood facing her so that he was standing directly in front of her. He took one of her hands in each of his and looked at her.
"Yes...I do like you."
"You do?"
"What part of yes don't you understand?" Rachel laughed at him and he bent down and placed a light kiss on her lips. They kissed for a few lingering moments before Rachel pulled away and responded.
"It was a little confusing at first, but I think I am beginning to comprehend it now."
JC hugged her and then led her back to the couch, sitting her down. "Now it's my turn to ask you a question...and please don't shy away from me." He waited for Rachel's nonverbal consent to continue. "Are you sure you are ready to, you know, move on into another relationship?"
Rachel took a deep breath and squeezed his hand.
"Josh...the last few months have been hell for me. But ever since the day we found out about Joey's death, you were there for me. It almost seemed like you put your grief on hold just to take care of me," Tears formed in her eyes as she continued. "Joey was definitely the love of my life. The man I wanted to grow old with and die with when I was a hundred years old. But someone had something else in mind. God took him away from me..but by doing so, he brought me closer to you."
"Rach--"
"No wait...let me finish. I started feeling things for you about a couple of months after Joey died. I felt so guilty. Like I was betraying him. What was even worse, was that I was developing feelings for his best friend. I didn't know what to do...so I held them in and held onto Joey's memory for dear life. Almost thinking that if I let go I would forget about him forever. But now I know that God has his reasons for everything. Joey died so he could be my angel and watch over me forever...just like he always has. I didn't die because God had something else planned for me...like falling in love with you."
JC felt tears coming to his eyes as he listened to what she said. He knew how hard it was for her to move on in her life without Joey by her side, but she had managed. He felt honored that she had chosen him to do it with. He had loved her for a long time, but Joey had always been the keeper of her heart, so he stayed back and cherished the friendship he had with Rachel. Now all of that was changing and he felt sure that wherever Joey was, he had a hand in it. He was always up to something and it didn't look like he was planning on stopping.
"Rachel...I just want to hold you..." Rachel took him in her arms and held him tightly, feeling a warm sensation wash over her body. "I have one last thing to do....do you want to come with me?"
"Sure."
JC didn't even question it, he just put on shoes and drove her to where she wanted to go. They found themselves at the cemetary where Joey was laid to rest. Silently they walked over to his plot. A few feet before they reached the tombstone, JC stopped and let Rachel go the rest of the way by herself. He knew that this was something she had been wanting to do for awhile now and thought that maybe it would be best if she did it alone. Rachel walked over to the granite stone and carefully sat down on the ground.

"Hey Joe..." She ran her fingers over the engraving in the stone and felt tears come to her eyes. "Well...here I am. I'm sorry I didn't come here sooner. I just couldn't bring myself to admit that you were gone. But now I have. Every day for the past six months that day has been replayed in my head. Seems like a slow motion picture every time it pops back into my head. The phone ringing, your Mom screaming out in anguish. I can still hear that scream so vividly. I blamed myself for so long. I remember the last time I saw you, Joe. We had made love for the first time...it was the most wonderful day of my life...knowing you felt the way you did about me. We had just woken up and we both got our craving for Ben and Jerry's Phish Food. You put on your clothes and kissed me, telling me you would be right back and that you loved me. I just nodded and fell back asleep waiting on you to return. I woke up hearing Phyllis scream for you. I remember running into the living room and seeing her on her knees by the phone...your Dad cradling her in his arms. The cops said that the other driver wasn't paying attention and ran the red light. It happened so fast that you didn't even have time to react. You didn't even know what happened. I didn't want to believe it. Just two hours before that, you had been making love to me and telling me how much you loved me. And then in an instant you were gone. I didn't think I could live without you. We had made it being separated before, but this time felt so different. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stomped on. I didn't have the desire to live anymore. So, I tried killing myself. But something kept me from dying. Now I know it was you, Joe. You always wanted me to find happiness and it has taken forever, but I am slowly returning back to normal. A little more each day. Joey, you died for a reason. You always protected me from harm...sheltered me even when we were thousands of miles apart from each other. God took you away and put you in heaven so that you could do that forever...at least until God called me away to Heaven. And he also brought JC to me, Joey. I felt so guilty for falling in love with your best friend, but it happened. And that's when I realized that whatever made me happy, made you happy. And I realize that it's okay now. You will always be in my heart...no one can ever replace you. I love you so much, Joe. I always will. What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. You did that Joe. And I am thankful for you. I'll see you again someday and it will be something that I look forward to later in life. But right now I have bigger things to accommplish. And now I know I can do them. I will always remember you, Joe....I will never forget you. I love you."

She slowly got up from the ground and looked one last time at Joey's resting place, before turning around and walking back over to JC. She took him in her arms and held him tight...not wanting to let go. They walked away from the graveyard, hand in hand, with Joey's memory locked safe in their hearts, and the dreams of their future blossoming in their minds.

THE END