Sometimes, late at night, I wonder about him. I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't left; what he would have done, what I would have done.
But then I remember the way he always beamed at me when he pulled on his X-Men uniform; the pride that shone in his eyes, rivaling the sun.
And when I see that in my mind, I know that I made the right choice.
Because I know him, better then I realized, better then I do myself. I know what he would have done, and I know how he would have felt about it.
Being an X-Man is who he is, who he's always been. It's been there since the day I met him, always.
And it would have killed him, slowly, to give up that part of himself. He would have slowly died, as I watched, and I couldn't condemn him to that.
I guess I just loved him too much. Or maybe he didn't love me enough.
I shake that thought away, unwilling to believe it. I know what I saw in his eyes. At least…I thought I did.
Doubt dances through my mind, like a deranged ballerina, spinning and twirling. I try to push it away, think of the way his eyes danced when they fell on me.
But lately…
It's harder and harder to see his eyes glowing with love for me. Harder still to remember the sweet words he whispered in my ears.
And it gets easier to remember the way he always pushed me away from him when he became an X-Man. Like I wasn't there, like I didn't matter.
That's why I left, I remind myself, when I find myself wondering what would have happened. That is the real reason I left.
I can lie to myself, say that I left for him, so that he would be happy. But the real reason was that I couldn't take it if he pushed our little one away too.
Tabitha shut the thoughts out of her head, and went to stand by the window of her tiny apartment. The moonlight was harsh on the Arizona landscape.
"That's a first." Tabitha whispered out loud to herself. "I never seen moonlight look harsh."
The small woman let a small smile crack her lips, and rubbed her belly. The child inside kicked out suddenly, and she made a small noise.
"My…we're just being fussy today, aren't we? What's wrong baby?" Tabitha asked her six -month pregnant stomach. "Are you mad cause Momma's thinking more about Daddy, then you?"
The baby kicked again as though in answer.
"My, we're just a vain little thing, aren't we?" Tabitha giggled and patted her belly. "You must get that from me. Your daddy wasn't vain at all."
Tabitha swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears at bay. According to her doctor, she really needed to relax, and stop worrying, or her baby would suffer. She couldn't stand the thought that she may hurt her only link to Sam.
The small blonde wiped her hand across her eyes, and rubbed her belly again. "I love you, little baby."
She carefully made her way to her bed, pulling the covers back and lying down. One more thought popped into her mind as she drifted off to sleep.
I love you too, Sam…