Everyday that passes is just one day closer to the day that Ah will die, and finally be through wit this world. Everyday is one day closer to the day that Ah will finally be free of the pain. The pain…it is all consuming, it swallows everything Ah do, keeping me in this state of living hell.
Ah am not alive. Ah am not dead. Ah exist in the place in between, where my body continues to function but my mind and my soul are dead. Ah continue to live, though Ah wish for death with every breath Ah take.
Ah stare down at the reflection that the pond throws back at me. Ah look dead, even to myself. My eyes are empty and unseeing; my face a haggard imitation of what Ah once looked like.
"You okay kid?" A gruff voice asks from behind me. Ah continue to look down.
"Do Ah look okay to you Logan?" Ah finally answer, spitting out the words as though they taste bad.
"Good point, kid." Logan answers, walking up to stand right behind me. Ah continue to stare at my reflection, never really seeing it. Logan continues to look at me. Finally, he speaks again. "Kid, it's been six months. You need to let it go. Let her go."
"Let it go? You think Ah need to let it go?" Ah ask, my voice sounding foreign to me.
"Kid…I know just how yer feelin'. Been there myself, more times than many have. But this ain't healthy." Logan tries to tell me. Ah don't really hear him though.
"Who says?" Ah ask, mah voice picking up an angry overtone. The first emotion Ah've shown in the six months since Tabitha's been…gone. Ah can't even bring myself to think the word.
"Me. I say. You've been through hell kid, but she wouldn't wan you to live the rest of yer life mourning her. You gotta move on." Logan tells me. Finally Ah look up at him.
Logan jumps at that. It's the first time that Ah have looked anybody in the eye in who knows how long.
For a long time all he does is look at me. Ah look back at him, pleading with him. He's the only one that Ah trust enough; the only one it won't kill to do what Ah'm askin'. After a long time he finally nods.
Silently, Ah hand him the letter that Ah've written, the one that explains everything. Then Ah reach for the ring that Ah keep in my pocket. Pulling it out Ah look at the muted sparkle of the engagement ring. Ah've had it a long time. It hasn't sparkled in six months.
Suddenly a slicing pain shoots through my body. Ah arch my back out and collapse onto the ground. With my last breath Ah say, "Thank you, Logan." Then the last of my life drains away.
Ah'm walking in a beautiful field. Ah've been here before. It's the field outside of my family's home in Kentucky. Standing on the porch is Pa, looking the same as Ah remember him. Ah look around. Where… There! Standing in front of the barn. Ah stare at her a long time, before breaking into a run. She meets me half way.
"Tabitha…" Ah whisper.
"Oh, Sam, I missed you so much." She whispers back, her beautiful blue eyes shining with tears. Ah hold her for a long time. Then we separate, and we go to talk to my Pa. We've got forever to spend together. Ah wouldn't have it any other way.
"He is at peace now. May God be with you child." The priest finishes the funeral, looking out at the people who stood before the grave. Slowly the older man walks down from the platform, and Cable walks on.
In his hand he held several pieces of paper. Slowly he took a breath then let it out. Looking down at the papers in his hand he began to read. "Sam wrote this before he passed away. He asked that I be the one to read it."
Dear Everybody,
I am so sorry, if this causes you any pain. But I've been dead for six months, ever since the day I lost Tabitha. I couldn't go on. I know that many of you must think that I was weak, and maybe you're right. But I believe that for every man there is one woman in the world meant for him. I had mine, longer than most men do. But I lost her, and I couldn't go on. Please forgive me.
I wish all the best for all of you. Momma, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Give my love to the family.
Bobby, I hope you can forgive me. You were my best friend, and you still are. You need to be happy. The next time you see Amara you should tell her.
Terry, I wish you all the happiness in the world, even if it is with a mercenary like Deadpool. Wade…treat her right.
Jimmy, I know that you'll find happiness soon. I can feel it. Just don't run away from it when it comes knocking.
Shatty, get a life. You really need to meet a nice girl, and settle down. I'm sure that there is one out there for you.
Rictor, I think that you were the only one who understood how I felt when Tabitha died. I think you loved her almost as much as I do. But, I hope you find some way to be happy.
Domino, don't be too mad at me please. I know you must think that I am weak. But, you were good in a fight, and even better to talk to afterward. Thank you.
Paige, I know that you'll be a good X-Man. Hold on to your dreams. I know you'll make me proud.
Cable, you were like a father to me. Thank you. I'm sorry that I couldn't pull through this final test.
The rest of you, thank you for everything. I love you all.
Sincerely,
Samuel Zachary Guthrie