February 24 2000
I could sit and watch these
houses burn and i
don’t think i would smell the
smoke
it’s all about the wind and spring
today
and this huge _______ in me
that i can’t put a word on
there are eyes in the back of my head
i’m feeling the past and
the present entangle
and something’s being
renewed and something
looks back and cries in silence
and somewhere just at the
edge of my feelings is the rest
of the world
girls going past me
tennis games and cigarette butts
all around the steps
the silent buildings across the
street, the cars i know in our
parking lot and the road
winding past the dorm where i
walked so much this time last year
i know i need to do that again
I know i’ll need time alone
and long spaces full of
thoughtthoughtthought and
put-one-foot-in-front-of-the-other
but someone says
things are different now
and i’m still mad that i have
nothing else to do
that nobody wants me anywhere
that i have to do this again AT ALL
and i can’t stand it this way
i keep telling myself that
i would not have to do this again
that i’d need no more healing because
i would not be broken
Well.
I know what this really is.
i hear that needle snipping away
my heart sews itself together
and i wait for things to change
I wait for some painless
thought about love that is not cliche
to pass through on its way to the world.
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