I am not a writer, so if this is all scattered - forgive me.
I
reckon that I need to go back and explain some things - otherwise, the
pain that we are experiencing
right now will be insulted by the ignorance of on-lookers who cannot
comprehend.
Rest assured, when I finish pouring my heart out about my beloved Anna,
all who read these words will understand. I decided to jot down these
thoughts today while the pain is fresh. For, in a few weeks, after
the mourning rituals have ended, we will all pick up where we left off
and return to our everyday lives - perhaps with a new sting in our hearts
that
wasn’t there before today.
Let’s
see - ANNA - now, just where shall I start - there is so much wonderful
joy to share. I guess,
to start with Anna’s story, I’ll have to bring you up to date on me.
Oh, don’t worry,
there’s
not much to tell. I’m just a young girl of 16 years right now - could
very much have happened
in 16 short years?
I am Sara.
When I was a tiny child, my father died suddenly. He was faithful to go to the Temple every day to pray and to meet with the other men to discuss God and the cares of life. My mother and I would often go with him - only to the women’s courts - to pray. After my Papa died, Mama began going as he had - every day. We lived in the surrounding village near the Temple in Jerusalem. It was close enough that we walked. I did not mind it except in the cold times of the winter. Then, it did not matter how short the walk - it was just TOO far!!
At the Temple, I could hear a lady singing. It sounded muffled and, yet, beautiful. I was drawn to that sound. With my mother deeply absorbed in prayer - I would slip away and sneak into the inner courts of the Temple. Mama never worried for - later - she told me that God had assured her that I was safe.
You
see, to a 4 year old, a lady singing was much more appealing than women
weeping and chanting and praying. I listened with my ear at the door
for a long while - afraid to leave
Mama’s
side. I can’t really explain it. Inside of me I had such a peace
as I listened to that lady
singing. Being outside, I had to concentrate to be able to really
hear her voice. The Temple seemed to be a giant house of peace.
Over
the weeks, I’d go further and further into the Temple - I was being drawn
like to a magnet
- I wanted to find that one who was singing. Yet, I lingered in the
background, lest
any
danger over take me. More and more, the peace gave me assurance and
courage to go forward.
One
day while Mama was praying, I went deep, deep into the Temple - using the
singing as a
compass to lead me. Finally, only a thick coarse drapery stood like
a guard on duty
between
me and the one who sings with such magnetic wonder. I was stunned, mesmerized
by soothing
quality of this woman’s songs. Fear tried to incite me to run away
to the safety of Mama’s skirts. Peace tried to draw me out into the open
before this holy woman of God. Have you ever had a battle of emotions
inside yourself as to if you should do something or not?
While I was consumed in this battle all of my own, suddenly I felt as if my heart stopped beating and if I was breathing - I surely couldn’t tell. You see, for some unknown reason, the lady quit singing in the middle of a song and there was a deafening silence. I didn’t know if she had fallen asleep, snuck out, died, or what! All that I knew was I was in a giant place and I was a tiny child and I was afraid to move and almost afraid to breathe!
“Sara” - “Sara” - she beckoned to me in the most gentle of tones.
I could not move. I mean, I could not understand HOW this stranger could know my name. It did not surprize me that she figured out that SOMEBODY was behind the curtain. It is so hard for a 4 year old to not make some sort of clatter even on their best behavior. But, I just could not get over the fact that she called my name.
In the split seconds after she called for me it seemed that a hundred thoughts whisked through my mind.
Then, she called again to me - “Sara. Come to me child. I won’t hurt you. God sent you to me to be my friend and so I can be your friend. Come to me, Dear. I know you are there for God told me so. Come on, Sara, come to me and I shall tell you many secrets.”
I walked into her room and into an realm of life that altered my future eternally. Before that moment, I just existed day to day with Mama. Whatever she planned, we did, and that was that. However, since I went to Anna that very first moment, my life has been so - well - ALIVE!!
Carefully,
I tugged and pulled at the curtain until a small opening of light was before
me. Without
looking back, I obediently went through to the other side leaving the dark
and
fear-filled
places behind. Before me was light, and laughter, and joy, and -
oh, yes - an all-consuming
cloud of peace. It was as if I walked from death into life.
For with Anna I was
so filled with life that Papa’s death was as a faded dream.
It’s so hard to explain in words, but, for a child so young having just suffered such a harsh tragedy - nothing seemed permanent to me. Nothing seemed real. I was constantly wondering when my friends would leave me or die - even Mama. But, there was something - well - kind of a permanent feeling about Anna. That is why I just can’t comprehend her death - for I know she is alive forever - she found the Messiah and He gave her life.
When I walked into Anna’s chamber that first day - it was like crossing a bridge from a tiny island to an entirely separate and endless world. At Anna’s window was a place that seemed to transport me through the air to world’s unseen to man’s eyes. Oh, there is so much to tell - secrets that Anna told only to me - to only be shared after her death.
I
guess, because I was just a tiny child when we first met, Anna first told
me all about her childhood
- relating familiar things to me - perhaps to put me at ease.
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