“The month of hell aftermath.”
“Can a broken heart mend?”
By Lucas Harrell
Lucas is back. While I’m still in love with him, I need time away from being his girlfriend to mend my still broken heart.
The past month has been a living hell for the whole Cybersquad team. While the rest of us were treated badly by some clone of Lucas’s, Lucas was held captive by Gigatron. When he got loose, we all welcomed him back with open arms. We went with what he decided to do about his clone, who later named himself Brandon. If what he suffered at the hands of Gigatron wasn’t enough, I up and asked him if we could back off from being a couple for a while. Even if, or probably when actually, we get back together, things will never be the same between myself and Lucas.
Or will they? I feel so knotted up at the moment, I don’t know. I know that it was just a clone of Lucas sent by Gigatron, but it’s still hard to get over the harsh things he said when he dumped me.
At school, a couple of weeks after, I was zoned out when Will plopped down next to me. We had enrolled him in school (and planned to take him out when his friends come for him) and he was adjusting nicely to being in a different school.
“Want to talk?” he asked.
“No,” I said, “It’s not the kind of thing you’d ordinarily talk about with anyone.”
“Look,” Will said, “I know you and Lucas are going through a kind of rough spot, one left over by what the clone did to you, but you have to remember that Lucas, or Brandon, now that he’s split off from Gigatron, would never do anything to hurt you.”
“I know,” I said, “And I’m still in love with Lucas, I just... I don’t guess you’ve been through anything like this, have you? Then again, don’t answer that. I know that you haven’t. You and Feril have been together for a while.”
“Believe me, Feril and myself getting split up like this is about as bad as what’s happened to you,” Will said.
“I know,” I said, “I’m sorry I didn’t think about that. I’m not really thinking, period.”
“It’s all right,” Will said, “If not for you and the others, I would have been the same way when I first came here. I was still pretty withdrawn, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember,” I said, “But you got over it pretty quickly.”
“I didn’t have much of a choice,” Will said, “My new friends were having trouble, and only I could help them really. I had to get over it very quickly.”
“We all thank you for that, you know,” I said, “If not for you, Lucas probably wouldn’t be with us today.”
“He’d be here,” Will said, “He got free on his own, remember? The only thing I did was accidentally help that clone infiltrate us. You and Lucas would still be together, if it weren’t for me.
“Don’t blame yourself for what happened,” Bea said, “The only one to blame is Gigatron. He sent that clone in. How were you supposed to know that it wasn’t really Lucas? There was absolutely no way to know.”
“Thanks,” Will said, “There’s a dance tonight. I don’t guess you and Lucas are going together, are you?”
“No,” I said, “I’m planning on going stag and so is he. We saved each other a spot on our dance cards, though.”
“That’s good,” Will said, “Save one for me too, would you? I’m not very good, but I would like to try getting better.”
“Sure thing,” I said. I sighed. “I’m sorry for the pretty rude way I talked to you when you first sat down to talk to me.”
“No problem,” Will said, “You’re not exactly yourself. You haven’t been since you asked Lucas to back off.”
“I know,” I said, “I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again. Too much heartache.”
“You will be,” Will said, “You just need time, just like you said to Lucas, for your broken heart to mend.”
“He’s such a sweetheart,” I said, “He’s willing to wait for me to quit hurting emotionally, when he went through more hell than I did.”
“Bea, Will,” Colonel Kehler said, “Is there anything you would like to share with the class?”
“No, sir,” we said, “Sorry if we disrupted class.”
“It’s all right,” Colonel Kehler said, “Just keep it a little quieter, okay?”
“Yes sir,” we said. The Colonel was a cool teacher. He didn’t mind students talking in his classroom, unlike most teachers, as long as they didn’t get too loud. Will and I quit talking and Will listened while I zoned back out.
I had the next class with Lucas. Coach Tarvin, our teacher, was expecting us to hold hands, like we usually do. We surprised him when we didn’t. We never bothered letting it out that we technically weren’t a couple. We had agreed to do that, so that the girls at school wouldn’t be all over Lucas.
We were both major league zoned out. “Pennies for your thoughts?” I jumped when Curtis, another friend of ours, spoke. I forgot that he was sitting right behind us. I looked over at Lucas, to find that he had jumped, too. “What’s happened between you two? I thought you were together.”
“A few personal problems convinced us to give it a rest for a little while,” I said in a low voice to Curtis. “Don’t tell anyone, though.”
“I won’t,” Curt said, crossing his chest. “How’s Will?” The two of them had started getting to be good friends too.
“He’s great,” I said, “He seems to be adjusting to living here, now that he’s had a little over a month to.”
“That’s good,” Curt said. The bell rang then, and the three of us went our separate ways. Before I lost sight of Lucas, I gave him the up and down unconsciously, something I had never done when we were dating. I shook off the thought of asking him to the dance tonight. ‘Am I already over what happened?’ I thought as I walked towards gym class. I shook that train of thought off too. ‘I don’t know what I want. My stomach is still tied in knots.’ At study hall afterwards, my mind kept drifting to Lucas.
“Let me guess. You’re thinking about Lucas.” I jumped when Cheryl seemed to sneak up on me. “Sorry about that.”
“It’s all right,” I said, “Yes, I am thinking about him. I just can’t get him out of my mind, no matter how hard I try.”
“I’m no expert in this field,” she said, “Heck, the only time I’ve had a boyfriend is T.J., and we’ve been going steady for almost two months now. But I do know love when I see it.”
“I think that this might have brought myself and Lucas closer,” I admitted, “I wonder if he feels the same way.”
“I’ve seen the way he looks at you when you’re not looking,” Cheryl said, “Believe me, he’s either a good faker with those looks, or he’s head over heels for you, girl.”
“I’ve been so ridiculous about this,” I said, “I had the sweetest guy for a boyfriend, and I dump him over something he didn’t do. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had another girlfriend by now. I don’t expect him to wait on me.”
“He doesn’t and he would wait until the end of time for you,” Cheryl said, “He loves you with all of his heart. He’s never even looked at another girl since you moved here a few years back. The only girl I know that he even came close to having for a girlfriend was Michelle, and that didn’t work out.”
“Yeah, I’ve always wondered about that,” I said, “What happened between those two? From what you’ve told me, they really liked each other.”
“They were too different,” Cheryl said, “We were all working on something, and Lucas was too into it. He didn’t notice that she was hitting on him. When he had a clue that she was, he kind of brushed her off. It showed that they were too different, and they reached an unspoken agreement to stay friends. I think that, until you came, he was kicking himself big time for doing that. And then, his best, and oldest friend, moved away. Her name was Mary, and they had been friends since preschool. She wasn’t very pretty and he wasn’t too good looking...”
“He wasn’t good looking then you mean,” I interjected.
“Right,” Cheryl said, “He wasn’t good looking then, so they hit it off big time. They never confused the issue by trying to be boyfriend and girlfriend, so they were the best of friends. Right up until she moved.”
“I remember meeting her,” I said, “At that funeral for Julie Kramer. She’s not gorgeous, but isn’t hurting for looks either.”
“I think that highlighting really agreed with her,” Cheryl admitted.
Just then, the bell rang and school was over. “Want to walk over to Lucas’s?” I asked.
“Can’t,” Cheryl said, “I have to help mom until about an hour before the dance, and then get ready.” We ran off to meet with Lucas, T.J. and Will.
I smiled shyly at the two. “Hi T.J.,” I said, “Hi Lucas.”
“Hi,” Lucas said, smiling just as shyly. I didn’t even hear T.J.’s reply. I was lost in looking at Lucas’s eyes. Cheryl told me later that he was lost in mine.
“I bet five they don’t make it to the end of the party,” T.J. said. They were whispering, though both Lucas and I were too engrossed to hear them anyway.
“I’ll take that bet,” Cheryl said, “My end is that they won’t make it through the first of any dances they have together.”
“I’m not going to take that bet,” Will said.
“So, you want to go with me, Cheryl?” T.J. inquired.
“I’m your girlfriend,” she said, “You don’t have to ask. Of course I’ll go with you.” With that, she gave him a kiss.
“So, umm, do you have anyone to take to the dance?” I asked Lucas timidly.
“No,” he said, “You?” I shook my head. “Would you like to go with me?”
“I think I need a little more time,” I said, “But save me a dance, would you?”
“Always,” he said, “And I’ll give you all the time you need, beautiful, er Bea.”
“You flatter me so much,” I said, “I’m not nearly the flashiest girl in school, yet I bet I’m the only one you’ve called beautiful.”
“I missed one chance because I never told the girl,” Lucas said, “I won’t make the same mistake again. To me, you are the prettiest girl in school.” We stopped for a moment, he reached up and caressed my face. I could feel myself absolutely melting under his touch. ‘Yet every time he tries to get us back together,’ I mused, ‘I turn him away, with the flimsy excuse that I need time for my heart to heal.’ My thoughts were pushed to the back of my mind as he kissed me.
I broke away, albeit very, very reluctantly. ‘Why am I so reluctant?’ I screamed in the privacy of my own mind. “I’m sorry,” I said.
Lucas looked pretty frustrated, but understanding. “It’s all right,” he said, though I could tell that it really wasn’t. We walked along in uncomfortable silence.
My house came up so quickly that none of us noticed it until we were right upon it. Cheryl had already left us, though I hadn’t been paying attention. “Bye,” I said, and I went in without waiting for an answer. Once in, I threw my bookbag down on the floor in near the door and ran into my room. Once there, I threw myself upon the bed, crying.
“You stupid girl,” I sobbed to myself, “You’re so reluctant. Lucas isn’t going to wait on you forever.” A knock sounded at my door. I had completely forgotten about Will. “Don’t come in here, Will. I don’t want you to see me like this.”
He came in anyway. “Are you all right?” he asked concertedly. I shook my head. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I told you,” I said between sobs, “This isn’t the kind of thing you talk about.”
“Don’t give me that,” Will said, “Talk to me, girl.”
I giggled and the tears seemed to dry up. “Ever since we decided to back off,” I said, “I’ve wanted to get back with Lucas. But every time I try, I can’t even give him a decent kiss. I think I’m just going to tell him to go find another girl tonight. I think I may be going nuts, and I don’t want him to see me when I finally crack.”
“If you do that,” Will said, “Both of you will be miserable. I think you and Lucas should have a long talk. Alone, not at the dance. I think you’re just trying to fall out of love with him, but your heart won’t let you.”
I smiled. In the short time we’ve known each other, Will already has an uncanny ability to read my emotions. “You’re right,” I said. All of a sudden, a flood like wave of emotion hit me. I gasped.
“Nothing.” My emotional hang up was gone. My realization of the truth finally broke down the emotional barriers I had put up. “I’ve got to get dressed. Do you mind?”
Will shook his head and walked out of the room. I got dressed and waited, just barely patiently, for the time of the dance. When it came around, I dragged Will down there and into the gym.
I was looking around for Lucas when Jackie walked up. “Want to dance?” he asked.
“I’m sorry Jackie,” I said, “I’ve, uh...”
“I’ve already asked her to dance,” Will said, whisking me off to the dance floor.
“I don’t know how to thank you enough, Will,” I said, “I didn’t want to have to slap him again.”
“Oh, that’s right,” I said, “You weren’t here the last time. The last dance we had, He had asked me to dance and got a little too... frisky. I slapped him silly.”
“As long as you don’t mention my poor dancing, we’re even,” Will said. He was right. Every once in a while he’d step on my feet or accidentally kick me. I tried to last the whole dance with him, but had to stop after a while. At the rate I was going, my shins and feet were going to be too sore to dance when Lucas finally asked me to dance.
We went back to our table, to find the gang there. “Hi guys,” I said, “Hi Lucas.” With my emotional hang up gone, there was no shyness in my voice.
“Hi Bea,” Cheryl and T.J. said. Lucas was studying me critically. I was blushing, because I knew that I gone more than a little overboard on ways to get him to notice me.
“Hi, beautiful,” he finally said after a gentle poke in the ribs by T.J. “Would you like to dance?”
“Sure,” I said. He led me back out to the dance floor. Even though I was still sore from dancing with Will, I was really enjoying myself. “I’m glad you asked me to dance. I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“You’ve met someone else?” Lucas said, “Is that why you’ve been avoiding even kissing me?”
“No,” I said, “The reason I’ve tried doing that is that I’ve been trying to convince my heart that I’m not in love with you anymore. But it hasn’t turned out that way. I’m still very much in love with you, if you’ll have me back that is.”
To answer me, he gave me a quick, albeit passionate, kiss. We danced the night away, and even Jackie was smart enough to know not to break in between two people so obviously in love.