Thank you very much for your question.

Let me first say that there are two issues within your question that needs to be addressed. I will start by addressing the obvious issue first, that of course being, "anal sex". 

You are not alone in asking this question. Many married Christian couples question the right and wrongs of sex within the marriage bed. Of course, the first place we need to start is with the Word of God. Only from there can we begin to break the issue down and determine whether it is right or wrong in the marriage bed.

The first question we need to ask is, does the Bible say anything concerning anal sex? Well, the answer to this is yes and no. The reason I say yes and no is based on the debate within the, "Christian Community" on the word, Sodomy.  Sodomy is defined as "Any various forms of sexual intercourse held to be unnatural or abnormal"1  This is usually associated with anal sex and beastiality (Sexual acts between a human and an animal)1. Obviously, beastiality is wrong for anyone to be engaging in, so I will leave that out when referring to sodomy. I'll just refer to the "anal sex" side of sodomy which is what many debate over..  Some believe this only refers to anal sex between homosexuals, while others believe this refers to anal sex between anyone.  Now, if sodomy means anal sex, period, whether homosexual or heterosexual married couples, then our answer is found very easily. The Bible makes it clear that, "sodomy" is a sin. Deuteronomy 23: 17  There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel. 1 Kings 14: 24  And there were also sodomites in the land: and they did according to all the abominations of the nations which the LORD cast out before the children of Israel. *-Exodus 22:19 --- Leviticus 18:22,23 --- Leviticus 20:13 --- Leviticus 20:15,16 --- Deuteronomy 27: 21 --- 1Kings 15:12 --- 1 Kings 22: 46 --- 2 Kings 23:7 --- Romans 1:24 --- 1 Timothy 1:9,10-*

 If sodomy refers only to anal sex between homosexuals then our search for an answer continues. Since it is a debated issue, I will take another approach in trying to answer this question. The fact is, God has designed things to be a certain way and work certain ways. According to Scripture, we can know God and His way by simply looking at His creation. Romans 1:20  ²⁰"For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that men are without excuse .." Based on this truth, I believe in the case of anal sex our answer can be found within the creation of the human body. So lets look at some well-known medical facts concerning anal sex based and the human body...

The truth is, many medical and even sex experts strongly discourage people from practicing anal sex, which is based on very strong medical facts.  It is a fact that anal sex carries a higher risk of STD's than almost any other sexual activity.  Such STD's for example include, but not limited to:

HPV (Human Papilloma virus) wart virus: can be transmitted during anal intercourse and lead to anal warts, which in turn can predispose infected individuals to cancer of the anal canal.

E. Coli (Escherichia Coli): may cause mild to severe, or even fatal, gastroenteritis. Many bacteria viruses can be transmitted by oral contact with the anus. Furthermore, some E. coli strains (uropathic E. coli), transmitted during anal intercourse, can also cause urinary tract infections, ranging from cystitis to pyelonephritis-(a serious kidney infection).

Hepatitis A (infectious hepatitis): is another viral infection that can cause jaundice and abdominal pain. It is not usually a serious illness, although sufferers can feel very ill. It can be transmitted by oral contact on the anus.

These are just a small example of what STD's someone can get from anal sex, not to mention research shows that anal intercourse carries a greater risk of transmission of HIV/AIDS.

Now, I suppose the next question we should ask is: Why is there such a greater risk of getting viruses from anal sex than any other sexual activity?  First of all, we need to understand that the design and function of the anus and vagina are not "just" different but instead, they are "extremely" different. The anus/rectum are designed for the sole purpose of ejecting waste from the body. The tissue/muscle in that area is designed for things passing out of the body only. It is setup for "one way" direction. The vagina, on the other hand, contains tissue/muscles that is designed for both penetration and expulsion.  Meaning, the vaginal passageway is controlled by muscles, which tighten to fit the size of a penis for penetration purpose or it can expand to allow the birth of an infant. Therefore, the vagina muscle, in summary, is an organ of accommodation, where as the rectum is not and cannot.

  Now, because the anus/rectum is not designed for penetration there is no natural lubrication in the anus or rectum. Therefore, blood vessels in the rectum break when the penis is inserted, which causes damage to the anal/rectal area. It can also cause fissures in the wall of the rectum, leading to transferring disease producing microorganisms, infections, and viruses such as AIDS.

The reason these broken blood vessels and fissures can cause so much disease, infections, and viruses is due to another difference between the rectum and vagina. The penis and the vagina are clean passages. Meaning, they are free of disease producing microorganisms. However, unlike the penis or vagina the anus/rectum is a highly contaminated passageway. Therefore, when the penis enters the rectum, the urinary and reproductive tracks of the penis are invaded with germs from exposure to the bacteria in the anus and rectum. If the man enters the woman's vagina after having entered her rectum, her reproductive passageways are then contaminated. Both can incur chronic infections like prostititus, vaginitis or a pelvic inflammatory condition.

Though these are facts that cannot be denied, some believe that using a condom during anal sex can prevent the penis from germ invasion. Their reason is usually that a condom can keep sperm (tiny reproductive cells) from being released into the vagina and therefore can keeps infections out. The truth is, condoms are not as effective for anal sex as some would believe. The fact is, condoms have a significant failure rate because sperm is much larger than the microorganisms that infect from the anus. Therefore, condoms are not a sure protection against being infected.  Granted, condoms may lessen the chance of infection but when entering the tight muscle of the rectum, men and women can acquire an infection at any moment. It's always a gamble which the couple takes every time they participate in this form of sexual activity..

We can now see why medical expert would discourage people from participating in such an activity. In fact, even some sex experts will give instruction on how to try to pull it off safety so couples can try and cut down on the danger and damage done with anal sex. This includes step by step instructions, items that can be purchased and medications/drugs that can be taken to help relax the rectum.  Does this sound like a natural course of nature? Of course the answer being, "no".

I think at this point its safe for us to say that anal sex was not something God had designed to be done within the marriage bed or for that matter, any bed.

Now having said all this I would now like to address the second issue in your question. The second issue is based on your ending statement, which was, "but i don't feel it's right".  For the sake of addressing this statement, let's pretend for a moment that anal sex, within the marriage bed, was ok to participate in. 

The Fact is, although, "such and such" maybe ok to do biblically speaking, it doesn't mean it's ok for everyone. If someone feels wrong doing something, although it's technically ok, they're in sin if they continue to do it. 1Cor. 8:4-8⁴Therefore concerning the eating of things offered to idols, we know that an idol is nothing in the world, and that there is no other God but one. ⁵For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as there are many gods and many lords), ⁶yet for us there is one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we for Him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, through whom are all things, and through whom we live. ⁷However, there is not in everyone that knowledge; for some, with consciousness of the idol, until now eat it as a thing offered to an idol; and their conscience, being weak, is defiled.  Paul was saying how foods that were used as offerings to false gods were ok to eat because it didn't have anything to do with us (Christians). In Christ we are free, however, some people still felt like it was a sin to do, but even though they felt this way, they were still eating the food because it was technically ok to do. However, scripture said because of this, their conscience is defiled. A defiled conscience is one that has been violated, bringing fear, shame, and guilt.2

To make the point clearer let's look at another passage concerning the same issue. Romans 14:19-21 ¹⁹Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. ²⁰Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who eats with offense. ²¹It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.

In other words, we need to be mindful of what we do and how it affects other people, in this case, our partner.  Just because it may be ok to do, that doesn't mean it's good for everyone. For example, I would not offer a glass of wine to a recovering alcoholic. It's not because a little wine is unlawful, but for that person a little wine could seriously damage his/her recovery. Thus, the wine would be unhelpful. The point is, the couple must make sure both of them are honestly comfortable with, "such and such" and keep the lines of communication open in the marriage bed. Paul made the point best when he said, 1Cor. 10:23-24 ²³All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify. ²⁴Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being.

 Sex in the marriage bed was designed by God to be a beautiful expression of the union between a husband and his wife. The Bible say's 1Corinthians 7:4 ⁴The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. This means that a husband and wife are to equally give themselves to each other and to delight in each others bodies. It is never to be one-sided, to violate, to do something against the other, or to be demanded. The Bible is very clear on how husbands and wives should treat each other.

Ephesians 5:25;28-29 ²⁵Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,......  ²⁸So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 

Peter 3:7  Husbands, likewise, dwell with [them] with understanding, giving honor to the wife, ..... and as [being] heirs together of the grace of life......." 

1 Corinthians 7:3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 

Ephesians 5:33³³Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The point in all of this was to say, even if anal sex was ok, the fact that you felt it was wrong was enough reason for you and your husband not to engage in this activity. See, whatever the husband and/or wife is looking to do in the marriage bed, he/she must make sure their partner is honestly comfortable with the act. This includes both mentally and physically. As we just learned, if mentally someone feels wrong about something, even though it may be ok, doesn't make it right for that person. In addition, it's important to make sure your partner is physically ok with the act. Therefore, it's important to communicate with him or her about how it feels physically. If it's creating a problem, then the couple should consider other techniques that both of them can enjoy.

In the case of anal sex, many women have expressed through interviews, emails, surveys, and forums that they are extremely hesitant, uncomfortable, and feel violated by anal intercourse. This is even within marriage cases where the men say their wives enjoy it. Sadly, it's "on the side" that, without their husbands knowing, they'll admit that they do not enjoy it.

In closing,

If there is anything you are uncomfortable performing in the marriage bed, you should be able to communicate that to your husband without concern.. He should be understanding and, out of love, not want to push you to do something that you're uncomfortable with doing.  The same goes the other way as well.. Therefore, I would encourage you to lift this issue before God. Pray that He takes control of this issue and helps the both of you to resolve it. Furthermore, ask the Lord to help you communicate your feelings effectively and help your husband to see where you stand on this issue. Lastly, go to your husband and talk with him. Communicate with him your feelings on this issue. Whether he agrees with your feelings on the issue or not is irrelevant to the fact that this is how you feel and you're asking him to respect this out of love for you.

Well, I hope this has helped you in your search for an answer on this issue. You and your husband will be in my prayer. May our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ bless your marriage and may He always guide and direct both of you in all your ways..

In CHRIST 

1. American Heritage Dictionary   2. McArthur Study  

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