QUESTION

I was at a dance and i was wondering if you consider grinding dirty dancing... and if it is wrong and why?
 

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ANSWER

Well, let me start by thanking you for your very good question. Before we can answer whether grinding is dirty dancing/right or wrong, we need to truly understand what is grinding.

 First of all, let's make note that grinding has many different names, freaking, booty dancing, bumpin’, etc. These are all one in the same. So what does it mean to grind? Well, grinding is defined as "A sexual dance that involves grinding the hips and genitals against those of your partner(s)1" It's basically a dance which involves "teenagers bumping and grinding on the dance floor, rubbing their bodies together to the rhythm of their favorite tunes. Front-to-font. Front-to-back. Girls bending over while boys thrust their hips into the girl's backsides or faces. Kids straddling each other on the floor. It can be couples, threesomes, or a whole line (freak trains) of pulsating bodies.2

I'm sure you would agree that the idea of grinding is to create the look of a sexually stimulating action. Even the names that are given to this form of dancing have strong sexual insinuations. Think about it, Grinding, grinding what? They don't mean ground beef. Dirty dancing, what is meant by that? Well, They don't mean doing the "Twist" on a muddy floor. We may chuckle at that, but the reality is, the "bumping and grinding" is designed to simulate sex. In fact, there are articles and instructional videos/books explaining grinding as a great way for a man to get a woman or vice versa. These articles and videos instruct the reader/viewer how to grind properly and capture its sexual elements correctly to create a sexual/lustful atmosphere. The goal is to achieve sexual stimulation and arousal from their dance partner.

Whether one actually sets out to achieve this or not, the point is, this is what grinding means. Remember, we needed to understand what grinding was before we could answer whether it's dirty dancing/right or wrong, which we now can begin to answer these questions.

Is it dirty dancing? Well, the term, "Dirty Dancing" was brought to the forefront when the 1987 Patrick Swayze movie, "Dirty Dancing" came out. Like grinding, the dancing in this movie was to express a sexual type of dance. This movie sparked a huge jump in the level of sexuality people would bring to dancing. So much so, that the dancing in the movie doesn't seem "dirty" at all, by today's standards!!  Today's "grinding" has brought new meaning to the term, "dirty dancing". Grinding has become known as the "dirty dancing" of today.  Therefore, by this, we can now answer with certainty; "grinding" is without doubt dirty dancing.

The next question becomes, is it right or wrong, Biblically speaking, to participate in this form of dancing?

Obviously, scripture does not say, "thou shall" or "thou shall not" grind. However there are many passages within Scripture that deals directly concerning the heart and idea of grinding. Let's take a look at what Scripture says concerning this issue.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 
³For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality;  ⁴that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor,  ⁵not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God;

Here we are told to stay away from sexual immorality.  Then in verse 4 it tells us that we should be able to control our own body (vessel). Control it from what? Well, it says, "passion of lust". The "lust" here is in context of verse 3: sexual immorality. Therefore, this verse tells us we should have nothing to do with things that give way and promote lustful passions, which God sees as sexual immorality.

Well, our body is obviously used in grinding; in addition, that kind of dancing promotes sexual lust. Therefore, it's clear just from this passage alone that grinding would be wrong in God's eyes. However, lets look at some more passages, just to be sure...

1 Corinthians 6:15-20 
¹⁵Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make [them] members of a harlot? Certainly not!  ¹⁶Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body [with] [her]? For "the two," He says, "shall become one flesh."  ¹⁷But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit [with] [Him].  ¹⁸Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.  ¹⁹Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit [who] [is] in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?  ²⁰For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

This tells us, our bodies are members of Christ.. What does that mean? Well, when we accept Jesus as our Lord and savior, all believers become part of Christ.

Ephsians 5:30 ³⁰For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

In other words, the Christian body is a spiritual temple in which the Spirit of Christ lives.

Romans 8:9 ⁹But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. 

2 Corinthians 6:16   ¹⁶And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people.”

Going back to 1 Cor. 6:15-20.. See, when a believer involves him/herself in sexual immorality, we are mixing Christ with the harlot (All sexual sin is Harlotry).1Corinthians 6 :13  ...Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

As a believer, we must keep in mind, all that we do Christ is with us. This is a great thing, I couldn't imagine what would happen if He wasn't. However, this also goes for things we do which are wrong. Think of it like this, would you want to grind if Jesus were standing there in the flesh right before your eyes? Better yet, would someone grind if he/she stopped and thought about how they would be putting the Spirit of God through that?  I would hope not!

Now, the argument has been made from some people that, "I'm not thinking of sex or trying to cause sexual stimulation by grinding. I'm just having fun with my friends."  OK---I'm willing to concede that an individual at times might not mean anything sexual by it, however, as I said, a believer would still be putting the Spirit of God through it. That in it self should make one decide not to do that. However, just to make the case, I will address this argument anyways.

The reality is, just because a certain person might not mean anything sexual by grinding, it doesn't mean someone can read the thoughts of their dance partner(s).How can he/she know whether those they are dancing with are not getting sexual thoughts in their minds. Especially if it's just a group of friends having fun. A friend is most likely not going to say, "wow, you turned me on". However, let's just say, by chance, all the dance partners, are not the least bit sexually aroused by the dance. My question is what about the spectators? Can someone know whether their actions are causing someone watching from the sidelines to sin in their mind?  Absolutely not! The reply might be, "Well, that's not my fault. When I'm grinding it's just for fun, It's not my responsibility how someone views my actions"    Well, are they sure about that?

Matthew 5:14;16 Jesus said ¹⁴You are the light of the world. .......¹⁶Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

 Ephesians 5:1  Therefore be imitators of God as dear children.

 * 1 Corinthians 8:12 ¹²But when you thus sin against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.

 1 Peter 1:14-16 ¹⁴ as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, [as] in your ignorance;  ¹⁵but as He who called you [is] holy, you also be holy in all [your] conduct,  ¹⁶because it is written, "Be holy, for I am holy." 

 1 Corinthians 8:13 ¹³Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.

 We are to be a light in this world, meaning a light to other people, they should see Christ in us and through our good works. It's not only what we say to people but how we live our lives that people will know there is a difference.

Furthermore, can we be "holy in all our conduct" and still grind? That seems impossible to me. Just the type of dance itself seems far from "holy conduct", but then you add the fact that there is a very good chance it's causing others to sin in their mind. Then it gets even further from what we would call, "holy conduct".

Paul went as far to say he would give up eating meat forever if it caused someone to stumble.  Meat is ok to eat but if it cause someone to stumble, he would never eat it again. Then how much more grinding, which is a dance that, at it's very least, is made to look extremely lustful?

Some would respond by saying, "well as long as the spectator or dance partner(s) doesn't react on it, what's the big deal if he or she gets sexual thoughts about me from my grinding?" Well, it is a big deal.....

Matthew 5:27-28 Jesus said ²⁷"You have heard that it was said to those of old, `You shall not commit adultery.'  ²⁸But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." 

As we see, simply looking upon someone with a lustful desire is sexual immorality. Therefore, we don't want to do something such as grinding, which is designed to look extremely lustful. We just don't want our wrongful actions to be the cause of someone else's sinning. * 1Corinthians 8:12 ¹²But when you thus sin against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.

 Now let me say, the passage Matt 5:28 " whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." can lead into much more than just grinding.

See, by this statement, Jesus tells us that being sexually immoral is more than just having sex outside of God's design for marriage. The problem is, "Sex is culturally defined today as intercourse so anything short of that isn't anything to be concerned about. Many young people today don't even consider oral sex to be "sex"2.  The image of sex is every where we go, it's on TV shows, music videos, song lyrics, etc.. It's doing exactly what grinding does, which is, cause people to think lustful thoughts. Especially in teenagers, whose hormones are already raging without any help.  It's all sexual immorality! Think about it, if we shouldn't grind because its sexual insinuations might cause ourselves or someone else to sin, then what's the difference with all this other stuff, which is designed to have the same effect? Let's be honest with ourselves, sexual immorality is the norm today. So much so, that some people don't even know it is sexual immorality. Today, it's all about looking and acting sexy. It's not the least bit uncommon to see girls today walking around with barely anything on. These  outfits are purposefully designed to look sexually alluring. What do they think guys are thinking of when they see this? Its applications are obvious.   I suppose that's an entirely different issue, but I wanted you to understand that this issue runs deeper than grinding.

 Anyways, getting back to the question at hand. Biblically speaking, "grinding violates God's standards of sexuality and decency.2"and therefore we should not participate in it.

With that being said, please understand, God is not trying to spoil everyone's fun. He sets these standards and rules on sexual activity for our own benefit. Why does he He do this? Well, that's simple, it's because He loves us. He knows what's best for us. It's like a parent and a child. If a parent tells a child, don't put your hand in fire, it's not because the parent is trying to be mean or take away the child's fun. It's out of love that the parents make these rules, because the parent understands the danger behind what the child is trying to do. Now, If the child ignores the parent's rule/warning and does it anyway, the child will be burned. Today we are drawing further and further away from God's standards on sex and its effects are obvious. We have ignored His warnings and now we are being burned.

In the U.S. alone, estimated number of new std cases each year: 70,000 Syphilis, 3 million Chlamydia, 650,000 Gonorrhea, 1 million Herpes, 5.5 million Human Papilloma virus (HPV), 120,000 Hepatitis B, 5 million Trichomoniasis.The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimate that 650,000 to 900,000 U.S. residents are living with HIV infection, of whom more than 200,000 are unaware of their infection. Today, teen pregnancy is through the roof. Almost 1 million teenagers become pregnant each year3, and about (it should say, " unfortunately ONLY") 485,000 give birth.4    That's very sad..

Without doubt, we are paying the price for deciding to do what we want to do and ignoring God's Word. The most amazing argument I hear is, "This isn't new, all through history people have been having sex outside of marriage, the only difference now is, it's just public knowledge"

That's a bunch of bologna. Yes, people have had sex outside of marriage, but nothing even close to what's taking place today. In no point in time have we ever seen the amount of STD cases as today. How in the world do these people think we've hidden thousands and millions of STD cases from the public. For that matter, what about the hundred of thousands of pregnant teenagers. Give me a break!! Today we have organization upon organization designed to deal with just these issues, and we still cannot control it. Even our government admits this is an epidemic growing more and more out of control.  The U.S. government spends $138 million annually on programs to reduce teenage pregnancy and high-risk sexual behaviors5,$100 million each year on abstinence-only-until-marriage programs. Well over $13 billion on U.S. citizens with HIV. Not to mention the 1.6 billion the U.S. spends internationally on HIV.. The cost goes on and on. 

This is what happens when we step out of God's will and decide we know better. That's why God gives us these commandments and warnings. What fun are we having now? None!! How many lives would have been spared and how many lives would have been spared from extreme pain and torment if we had held to what God told us.. It's just not worth the little enjoyment we get for the price we have to pay.