Todd- Jackie, you clocked out half an hour
ago, did you come back to tell me something…because I feel the same way Jackie- I was waiting outside for Michael
to pick me up, but the idiot never showed! Todd- that’s the third time this week.
Three strikes and his out according to the rules of baseball… and love Jackie- Actually its 4 strikes if you
include the time he showed up late because he had to see how the Jetson's ended Todd- Oh man, first he goes behind your
back and takes that modelling job and now this whole Jetson’s thing! No
futuristic cartoon could ever keep me from you. Jackie- I just don’t know what’s happening
to us Todd- Ok Jackie you need to cheer up. And
the first step to cheering up is giving Todd a hug Todd holds out his arms and Jackie smiles
and goes in to hug him. They start to kiss and Eric walks past. Eric- Oh my god Jackie- Oh my god Eric- I am so glad I went shopping today! Jackie and Todd are still hugging, Eric
is staring at them Todd- What do I do? Jackie- Run like the wind Jackie- (pretending to be all casual) Eric!
Did you get a haircut? … Cause I love it! You look just like Parker Stevenson Eric- Oh Really? Cause I told the guy like
he should… No, no, no, that’s not gonna work tramp face. I saw tongue. Jackie- Ok Eric, I know you and I don’t
have the best relationship Eric- You mean I hate you and you hate me Jackie- Right, so let’s turn over a new
leaf by you never telling Michael what you think you just saw. Eric- Hmmm, or I could just torture you
with this information until I'm bored. Jackie- Eric Eric- Ok, you know what, ill make you a
deal. Eric- You can buy two guaranteed hours of
silence by carving this wheel of cheddar into a handsome likeness of me.
Aaaaaaaaaaand go Jackie glares at him. Scene 3- Foreman Driveway, Night Red is polishing the corvette and Kitty
comes outside Kitty- Red, dinners ready! Red- Five more minutes Kitty; a bunch of
birds threw a crap on my corvette party! If I don’t get it out the paint will
oxidize! Oxidize! Kitty- Well why don’t you just put the car
in the garage? Red looks at her in disbelief Red- Because if I put the car in the garage
I cant see it from the dinner table! Kitty, don’t give advice about things you
don’t understand! Kitty- (sarcastically) Ok, I’m the crazy
one Kitty turns around and goes back inside
to the kitchen, Bob and Joanne are eating at the table, and Kitty sits down and
joins them Kitty- Well, lets just um, go ahead and eat Bob- (mouth full of chicken) Oh, were not
doing that yet? Kitty- You know, ever since Red got his new
car he can barely tear himself away from it Joanne- You better watch out Kitty or your
going to end up a corvette widow Kitty- Oh no, he loves that car, he
deserves it. The last thing he bought himself was a pellet gun to shoot the
chipmunks that were stealing our tomatoes and I had to throw that away because
it was giving him war nightmares. Bob- I’m glad you threw it out. That thing
hurt. Joanne- Kitty, I know what I’m talking
about. As soon as my ex husband got a boat it was like he forgot I even
existed. So I divorced him, took the boat and spent a vigorous 3-day weekend on
it with the harbour master. Kitty- I don’t think that’s kitchen talk. Eric- Ok, Ok, I saw Jackie MAKING OUT WITH
THE GUY FROM THE CHEESE SHOP! (Laughs) The little dude! Donna- No way! Eric- Yeah but you’re the only one I told
so don’t say a word to anyone ok, my little secret squirrel Fez- My lips are sealed Eric- Good cause I knew I could count on
you Hyde- You always can. Think about it. We
hold information that could crush the very heart and soul of one of our best
friends. I live for days like this! Eric- Oh but just remember, you’re the only
one I told Screen moves to side and shows Hyde,
Donna and Fez in separate shots on the right side of the screen (ala Brady
bunch) Hyde, Fez, Donna- Your secrets safe with
me. Scene 5- Foreman Kitchen, After dinner. Kitty is alone clearing the plates and
Red walks in from the driveway Kitty- You missed a nice dinner, Joanne
said the funniest thing, she said I was going to end up a corvette widow,
hahaha! Isn’t that a kick! Red- Oh Kitty, I wouldn’t leave you for the
car, who’d make dinner? Kitty- I think it’s the time to prove
Joanne wrong. How you gonna prove Joanne wrong? What surprising and thoughtful
deed are you going to do to prove Joanne wrong? Red- I’m going to prove Joanne wrong by…
taking you out (kitty nods) on a special date (kitty nods again) soon (kitty
puts her head down) tomorrow! Kitty- Good answer! (Kitty claps) Scene 6- Basement. Hyde is sitting on his chair; Fez is on
the couch closest to him, Donna next to him, Eric sitting on top of the couch
next to her and Kelso sitting on the chair on the other side. All watching TV.
Jackie walks in and stands between Eric and Kelso. Eric- Oh hey guys, its Kelso's loyal
girlfriend Jackie! Hyde, Fez, Donna- (in “I know something you
don’t know” voices) Hi Jackie Jackie- Ok, I’m not here to stay, just came
to get Michael (to Kelso) Come on. Eric- Oh no, stay, were just gonna hang out
and fool around, we all know how much you like to… fool around. Jackie- Ok Michael, c’mon lets go to the
hub Kelso- No, I wanna stay here and fool
around. Eric- So hey Jackie, how’s it going down at
the Cheese shop, you must be so tired from… giving it away at the mall. Fez- What are you laughing at? Hyde- I don’t know, what are you laughing
at? Fez- I don’t know Hyde, Fez- What are you laughing at? Donna- I don’t know Hyde, Fez, Donna- What are you laughing at? Kelso- I really don’t know! Jackie- C’mon Michael, lets go! Eric- No, lets stay. We could play
monopoly. Oh but that wouldn’t be much fun since we all know that… Jackie
cheats Jackie- (shocked and mad at Eric) I do not! Kelso- Oh you do cheat, we’ve all caught
you Everyone laughs, Jackie looks worried. Scene 6- Auto Show, Daytime Kitty and Red get out of the corvette Kitty- Red, this is supposed to be out
special date; there is nothing special about an auto show! Red- Oh no? How bout its special because
you’re the only woman here. You’re the queen of the auto show! Kitty- (praying) Lord, grant me the
serenity to accept the things that I… Red walks to her side of the car Red- Oh come on Kitty! It’ll be fun. Your
always saying we should share each others interest Kitty- I only said that to get you to go to
the figurine festival Kitty- Ok, I do, I want us to share each
other’s interest so ill start. Teach me about cars. I’m excited. Red- That’s my girl (distracted) Holy crap!
Look at the paintjob on that T bird! Wait here ill be right back. Kitty- Wait? Wait here? Red- Well, someone’s gotta guard the car,
who better than the queen! Red walks off. Kitty looks around unhappily
and goes to sit on the car Red- (shouting off screen) Not on the
bumper! Scene 7- Foreman kitchen Eric is eating cereal; Jackie walks in
from the screen door behind him. She stands next to him Eric- Oh Jackie, great, just the person I
was looking for, look I've got this… itch right above my shoulder. Be a good
girl (points at where itch is) Give it a 'lil scratch (pouts) Jackie- (ignoring him) Eric I came here to
talk to you about what happened yesterday Eric- Ok but, (points at shoulder) I cant
hear you with the scratch Jackie looks defeated and turns around
and grabs a utensil from the kitchen bench. She goes behind him and starts
scratching the spot with the utensil Eric- Yeah Jackie- Things between me and Michael have
been weird lately. And when Todd kissed me, I guess I just gave in because I
felt vulnerable. But I made a terrible mistake. And I was hoping you would show
me some compassion. Eric- Compassion. Wait, is that the feeling
you get when someone just shined your shoes? (Reaches under the table) Because
if so you are in luck! (Places a pair of shoes on the table) Aaaaaaand Go Jackie looks at him, then sits on the
chair next to him and puts the utensil down on the table. Jackie- You know what? I don’t think so!
You see I may have kissed Todd, but you knew about it all along and didn’t tell
Michael. And that is way worse than what I did. Eric- Wait, what? Jackie- Yep. See, girlfriends are supposed
to lie. That’s what we do. But best friends are supposed to be loyal. And you
weren’t. So guess what, your screwed because I’m telling Michael everything. Eric- You wouldn’t Jackie- Oh, I SO would Eric- Oh yeah? Jackie- yeah Eric- Oh yeah? Jackie- Yeah Eric- Well, Well, Well, this certainly…
blew up in my face! (Eric slams hand on table) Jackie- When I tell Michael what you did,
he’s gonna forget all about what I did Eric- Unless I get to him first Jackie- You wouldn’t Eric- Well, to quote a certain manager
kissing cheese maiden I know- I SO would Eric- Aaaaaaaaaand go! Jackie jumps up and goes out sliding
doors, Eric jumps up and runs through kitchen door Montage Jackie and Eric enter the basement at the
same time, Jackie through outside door, Eric down the stairs, They meet each
other in the centre, they both go left, then right, then out the way they came. Jackie goes running towards Kelso’s van,
she opens the door but Eric is inside and waves, she turns around and he runs
out as well Jackie runs into the Cheese store through
the staff room, Eric runs in through the front, Todd is at a cheese display
setting in the middle, they both run up to him Jackie, Eric- Dammit, not here! They both run in the same direction out the
front but then Jackie stops and runs back to talk to Todd Jackie- (really quickly) Ok Todd, look, I
know we kissed and its probably like, the best kiss you’ll ever have but it
didn’t mean anything and nothings gonna come of it, so your gonna have to get
over me. Oh and you know what, please don’t fire me because I really need this
job, ok great! (pats him on the back) see you tomorrow Jackie runs off again and Todd looks sad Scene 8- The Hub Eric runs in and sees Jackie and Michael
at a table in the centre. Michael looks really sad and angry. Eric- Look Kelso, I am so sorry! Michael- (to Eric) Just get out of my way Jackie- (sobbing) Wait Michael! Eric- Great! He hates me right? Jackie- No, he hates me! Jackie- We didn’t even talk about you, I
mean, I told him about the kiss and he just stormed off. I couldn’t even tell
him I’m sorry! Eric- Ok well, I’m not going to feel sorry
for you so… you cant make me Jackie- (crying) I just love him so much! Eric looks up to the ceiling and laughs
bitterly, giving in to feeling sorry for Jackie. He sits down across from her Eric- Ok look, Jackie, its just one kiss
right? That’s not so bad. I…Just tell Kelso what you told me about you know,
how you felt vulnerable and stuff. Jackie- He doesn’t even wanna see me! Eric- So, you know what? Well go and hang
out in my basement and wait for him to come by. He left his bouncy ball there
so you know, he’s bound to be back sometime. Jackie- You would do that for me? Eric- As long as you promise not to rat me
out Jackie- Deal. So… friends? Eric- As long as you promise not to tell
people were friends Kelso- You guys are never going to believe
this, Jackie cheated on me! With the cheese guy! Hyde- (laughs the remembers he’s not
supposed to know, with mock shock) NO! Kelso- Yeah, I was just as shocked as you
are! Fez- Well, thank god all she did was kiss
him Donna- Yeah… wait, how do you know all she
did was kiss him? Fez- Kiss? Jahhh, I did not say kiss! Don’t
make fun of my accent Kelso- That cheese guys lucky he’s a little
fella. Cause id kick his ass. Boom! (punching air) Right in the ass! Hyde- Oh man, you gotta kick his ass! Like
in Fantasy Island, if tatou took one of Mr Rourke's women up to his tower and
put it to her, Rourke would slap that little dude like a drunk southern weirdo!
And then he’d hit him off with some weird vicious voodoo Donna- voodoo on tatou, voodoo, tatou, peek
a boo, onedoo, kung foo, cu-cu-cachoo! I’m done. Scene 10- Auto Show Kitty- Well, looks whose finally back.
While you were gone some guy came by to compliment me on my headlights. Pretty
sure he wasn’t talking about the car Red- I got us funnel cakes Kitty- It’s like a second honeymoon Red- Kitty! Not in the car! Random Guy- Hey, nice ‘vette. You should
come see the custom job I did on mine. Cost me three grand and a marriage. Red- Three grand! Kitty- and a marriage! Red- Ill only be a minute Kitty Red goes off and Kitty sprinkles the
funnel cake powder all over the front seats of the corvette. She turns around
and a guy starts to check her out Kitty- What are you looking at gear head! Kelso is leading Hyde, Fez and Donna and
all are marching angrily. Kelso walks up behind Todd and knocks him. Todd turns
around and Kelso towers over him, closely looking down on him Kelso- Your ass is mine cheese puff! Todd- How did you know my nickname? Kelso- Wait your nicknames cheese puff? Hyde- Stay focused, kick his ass! Kelso- Yeah right, good, yeah (turning back
to Todd) What do you think your doing kissing my girlfriend huh? Huh? Todd- Well maybe if you paid more attention
to that gorgeous creature than your little modelling gig, it wouldn’t have
happened Kelso- Little? That picture sold hundreds
of young men’s briefs all over the greater Kenosha area! Fez- (behind him and tough like) Its true,
I bought 3 pairs, very supportive Kelso- (turning back to Todd) Yeah so look,
I know you’re a little fella, but I can’t let you go around kissing my
girlfriend, so you’re going to have to take a punch Todd- I understand Kelso punches him in the stomach and Todd
doesn’t even flinch. Donna- That didn’t look like it hurt him at
all Todd- Well, I guess its my turn Kelso- (backing away) hey, I didn’t mean to
scare you little guy Todd- I’m a black belt Hyde- Alright! Didn’t see that coming Red- Thanks to your funnel cake accident
ill have to spend half the night cleaning out the car Kitty- Well, I hope you two will be very
happy together Kelso- Mrs Foreman, Mrs Foreman, I have a
black eye and I need ice Kitty- (turns around) I’m not doing
anything else for men today Red- Just go away Kelso- No! I’m not gonna go away. I’m
having a really bad day. I got decked by a guy who kissed Jackie… he was huge.
And she thinks it was ok to kiss him because I’ve been ignoring her for work,
which I barely did! And I got a black eye and I need someone to care about me! Kitty- (looking at Red) Well, well, well,
Michael ignored Jackie and she kissed another boy. Red- That is completely different! He
ignored her for a stupid job; I ignored you for a car. Crap Kelso- Oh burn Red- How many times do you wanna get hit
today? Red- Kitty, I’m sorry. Next time ill be
happy to forget about the car and go to whatever figurine, quilting, macramé,
man-killing thing you wanna do. Kitty- (smiles) Actually there’s a knitting
bee at the community centre right now Red- Your kidding Kitty- and you know what they say about
those knitters, they spin quite a yarn! Red- You know what would really teach me a
lesson? Leaving me at home to you know, think about what I’ve done Kitty- If you’re not in that car in 2
seconds ill make you carry my knitting basket Red- Coming dear Hyde is in his chair, Donna and Fez are
on the couch, Jackie is pacing behind the couch and Eric is standing facing
them on the other side putting on a record Eric- So Kelso got beat up? Donna- Yeah, by the little dude at the
cheese shop Hyde- It was awesome man, like a hurricane
of tiny fists. Kelso- Alright look Jackie, heres the deal.
You cheated on me Jackie- You used to cheat on me all the
time Kelso- Yeah, well, yeah. But you cheated
out of hate and I cheated out of joy. Jackie- I didn’t cheat out of hate,
Michael. I cheated because lately you’ve been acting like I don’t exist Kelso- Well, I sure know you exist now that
you’ve frenched the whole mall! Look, I know that I need to pay more attention
to you and I want to forgive you, but I have all this anger built up inside of
me and nowhere to put it Jackie- Eric knew about the kiss all along
and didn’t tell ya Kelso- You knew? Eric- Jackie? Jackie- What’d you expect? Kelso- You’re a dead man Foreman Jackie- Get him Michael! Fez- Well guys, uh, just so your up to
speed, I knew about the kiss all along. Eric told me, he made me his secret
squirrel. Donna- What? That dill hole said I was the
only one he told Hyde and Fez- Me too! Eric- It was hilarious, you guys should
have seen it! Kelso’s foot got stuck in a gopher hole and… wait why are you
guys looking at me like that? Fez- I was your secret squirrel you son of
a bitch! Hyde- Get him! Eric runs upstairs and the rest follow
him and try to pull him down. Credits scene Bob, Hyde, Red and Eric are all staring
at the corvette in the driveway. Kitty walks past and no one notices. Red- 58’s the only one with a chrome detail Bob, Hyde and Eric- Mmmmmmmm Kitty- Men and cars… never got it, never
will. Kitty walks inside. Opening Scene- The Cheese Shop at the Mall.
Todd puts up a closed sign and starts sweeping. Jackie
storms past him goes to the desk, grabs the phone and starts to dial. Todd
walks over to her.
Jackie walks out from behind the desk and Todd follows her
Credits roll
Scene 2- The Cheese Shop at the Mall
Todd runs away to a back door
Eric walks over to a cheese stand and grabs a round hunk
of cheese
Scene 4- Basement
Eric’s face only in view and single shits for every other
character
Red laughs and starts to walk away. Kitty turns around
All 3 look at each other suspiciously
Jackie glares at him, Hyde, Fez and Donna laugh and then
look at each other suspiciously again.
Kelso starts to laugh
Red looks at her
Kitty gets off quickly
Commercial break, then back to same setting
They stare at each other
Song- One way or another
Michael stands up
Michael walks out and Jackie stands up
Michael slams the door and Jackie looks away upset
Jackie sits back down
Pause
Eric nods
Eric nods
Jackie nods, smiles and wipes away her tears
Scene 9- Circle Scene
Kitty is sitting alone in the corvette. Red comes up with
a plate
Kitty puts her hand out
Kitty gets out of car and grabs the plate. Random guy at
auto show comes up
Scene 11- Shopping Mall
Todd nods. Hyde punches Kelso's arm
Hyde and Fez run to the side next to Donna
Kelso grabs a board and holds it in front of him, Todd
punches through it
Scene 12- Foreman Driveway, Night
Kitty and Red get out of the corvette
Kelso walks up and walks behind Kitty
Kelso walks into the kitchen
Kitty starts to walk to the car
Scene 13- Basement
Jackie walks and sits on the washing machine
Kelso comes running down the stairs and stands in front of
Jackie
Jackie looks down then smiles
Michael turns and looks at Eric
Eric runs out through the door and Kelso and Jackie chase
after him
They run out and Fez, Donna and Hyde are alone
Eric comes running back in laughing
End episode
Kitty walks past again and no one notices