Jackie walks in

JACKIE: Okay, you guys I just got an advanced copy of the yearbook, and you’ll all be happy to know that 1977 is my cutest year ever. (Holds up the yearbook)

ERIC: Jackie that is so weird because I was just telling the gang how there is no way you could be cuter than last year.

JACKIE: You were?

ERIC: (not convincingly) yes

KELSO: I for one totally believe that you are cuter this year.

JACKIE: Yeah since I dumped you.

DONNA: (laughing) Nice Burn.

KELSO: (pointing at Donna) Donna we’ve talked about that.

Jackie heads over to Hyde and slaps him on the knee

JACKIE: Hey Steven wanna pop some popcorn and look at all the yearbook pictures of me?

Hyde looks annoyed

HYDE: Nah I figure I’ll do plenty of that when I die and go to hell.

JACKIE: (Laughing) God your such a card.

FEZ: This is so exciting my first American yearbook, show us some pictures of fez.

JACKIE: Sorry fez there aren’t any.

FEZ: What the hell? (pause)So they don’t let foreigners in your yearbook?

JACKIE: uh-huh (then to Hyde, pointing at yearbook) Here is me cheering at the pep rally last fall.

HYDE: Oh my God someone in the crowd is mooning!

The gang rushes over to Hyde to look at the picture

HYDE: You’re all cheering away and the whole time you’re getting mooned, Yeah!

ERIC: Oh my God that’s a girl butt, hee hee. There is girl butt in the yearbook. Oh man I can’t tell who it is I wish we had a magnifying glass.

KELSO: Oh here you go. (Pulls a magnifying glass out of his pocket and points it to the year book. The whole gang gives him a weird look) I was just playing with some bugs.

 JACKIE: God I can’t believe it, Someone’s nasty butt is in my picture.

ERIC: (looking at the yearbook) Oh my god that’s not girl butt, that’s Donnas butt!

DONNA: (all excited) Yeah it is.

Hyde, fez and Kelso all glance at Donnas butt and look back in satisfaction.

Opening Credits run

Basement

The guys are still inspecting the year book, Eric gets up looking upset.

DONNA: Eric, are you okay cause you look weird?

KELSO: Yeah could it be because of your girlfriend’s naked butt?

DONNA: Kelso you’re not helping.

KELSO: I’m not trying to help.

DONNA: walks over closer to Eric) Eric its no big deal

JACKIE: It is too Donna, your nasty butt ruined my picture

DONNA: Hey, maybe your nasty face ruined my butt picture.

FEZ: I know why I am not in the yearbook it’s because whitey is keeping me down.

KELSO: Hey Fez just look at Donnas naked butt some more.

FEZ: Yes that’s nice thank you.

Eric stands up annoyed and grabs the yearbook.

ERIC: okay, okay, Donna take me through the chain of events. Now uh you’re at the pep rally uh oh and at this point your pants were on.

DONNA: right and then they weren’t

ERIC: Donna mooning 's not something you just do.

HYDE: No it’s not something you’d just do because it’s impossible to moon when you have no ass.

Jackie and Donna sitting on the Forman’s front steps.

JACKIE: Michael is such a boy he doesn’t even know who he is. You know who know who he is? Stephen Hyde.

DONNA: Oh no now you like Hyde?

JACKIE: No I don’t like him I just, I just think he’s like the sweetest coolest guy I’ve ever met

DONNA: Jackie, I thought you hated him.

JACKIE: Feelings change Donna, like remember when we first met and I hated you

(Donna looking confused) what?

JACKIE: Yeah I thought you were like this big goon. Didn’t we have this talk?

DONNA: No

JACKIE: (laughing) I am so sorry.

DONNA: Its okay I mean I hated you too.

JACKIE: Yeah that’s cause you were a big goon.

DONNA: Bitch!

JACKIE: Goon

DONNA: Bitch!

JACKIE: Goon! See; see we’re closer that ever. Ahh I gotta go find Steven.

 Jackie runs off leaving Donna looking even more confused.

 Forman Driveway

 Kitty and Red are unloading furniture while the pinciotties

Midge and Bob approach them.

KITTY: Oh ha ha hello strangers, look Red it’s the Pinciottis.

RED: Yeah, and their dressed the same.

MIDGE: We were jogging

RED: So you had to dress the same?

KITTY: (Giving that uncomfortable laugh) well um I hope we’re still on for cards tomorrow night.

BOB: Oh about that we cant ma…..

RED: (interrupts) Hey! Look no excuses necessary. Gosh darn the luck that just makes me so sad. I gotta go inside.

BOB: Well me too.

KITTY: Um Midge is something bothering Bob?

MIDGE: oh He’s uncomfortable around you and Red now that Donna and Eric know each other. If you know what I mean?  You see I m using the word know in a different way here.

KITTY: uh huh

MIDGE: it’s a pun

KITTY: Its not a …… okay Midge good pun! Bye bye now.

Midge runs off

KITTY: Oh they are nuts.

Photo hut

Leo is looking at pictures while Jackie babbles about Hyde.

JACKIE: Yeah there is a lot about Steven that I used to not like that now I really like. Like, well I though his pork chop sideburns were a sign that he was poor and dirty and lived in a shack.  But then, then I realized that Elvis had sideburns, and he lived in grace land, Well that was an eye-opener.

Hyde walks in

JACKIE: Ahh there he is, Hi Steven

HYDE: What is she doing here?

LEO: I think she’s hitting on me man, but I aint interested. Tell her I aint interested and make her go away.

JACKIE: Hitting on you, I am not hitting on you, you relic.

LEO: Hey name calling is no way to win someone’s heart.

JACKIE: What are you talking about?

LEO: What are you talking about?

JACKIE: What are you talking about?

LEO: What are you talking about?

JACKIE: What are you talking about?!?

LEO: What are you talking about?!?

JACKIE: Frustrated Oh My God, great! Now he got away Steven!

LEO: (to himself) what was she talking about?

Hyde in the circle

HYDE: Man I don’t know what’s gotten in to Jackie. (Imitating Jackie) “Steven lets hang out, Steven lets go to the mall” My life’s a living hell you know.

JACKIE: (Laughing) Steven your hilarious, you know Steven and I tease each other, that’s what best friends do.

DONNA: You know what I love showing my butt! I don’t care what Eric says, I like to show it and I like to shake it.

LAURIE: Donna I can totally respect that. Just be careful though or they’ll call you a home wrecker. I can count the number of homes I’ve wrecked on one hand.

HYDE: Don’t worry ladies cause nobody’s gonna label you here. If you guys wanna take off some clothes and shake some stuff feel free. (Looks at Jackie) not you.

JACKIE: I wouldn’t call you a home wrecker Laurie no I’d call you a slut and a home wrecker.

Shows Donna shaking her butt towards the camera singing “shake, shake, shake, shake shake your booty” Laurie is also dancing” Rock it girl!”

HYDE: Yeah, that’s good stuff.

Forman Kitchen

Kitty is wiping the counter. Red walks in.

RED: Hey lets see a smile, after all no card games with the Looney tunes tonight.

KITTY: Red they are the only friends we’ve got, I am having them over tonight so we can clear the air.

RED: No no no I don’t wanna clear the air.

KITTY: Red I am clearing the air

RED: This is our chance to grow apart how can you throw that away? How?!?

KITTY: Because six nights a week I have to stare at your sour-puss and even God got to rest one day a week.( Nods her head then laughs nervously)

The Hub

Donna enters and joins Erica at the table.

DONNA: Hey

ERIC: Hey, so the yearbook came out today and nobody noticed your fleshy indiscretions. So I guess I am cool with it.

DONNA: What a relief I tossed and turned all night.

ERIC: Well , relax Donna Relax because it’s a tiny picture its all out of focus I think its safe to say that this little episode is behind us.

Kid at another table holding the yearbook yells; “Hey everybody Donnas showing her ass!”

Everyone starts chanting “Donnas showing her ass!”

Forman Kitchen

 Bob Midge, Kitty and Red are sitting at the table

KITTY: Okay umm we’ve been friends and neighbors for a long time and uh I think there is something we need to talk about don’t you bob?

BOB: Don’t you bob?

RED: Kitty don’t push him, he might just get up and leave. I'd respect it if you got up and left.

KITTY: Eric and Donna are having sex

BOB and RED at the same time: what the hell?

RED: Kitty I didn’t know that clearing the air meant we were gonna have a sex talk with the neighbors.

MIDGE: I did and I thought it was gonna be fun and it is fun.

KITTY: I think what midge means is that its good to clear the air, secrets cause cancer

BOB: Fine bring it on, just so long as I don’t have to talk about this

RED: I gotta say I’m with bob on this

BOB: right so let’s all just not talk

RED: Okay deal

BOB: Okay deal buddy

RED: No Bob Deal (hands him a deck of cards)

The Hub

 Fez and Kelso are playing Foos Ball against Leo and another guy.

FEZ: You lose again cracker, why don’t you go home and cry to your big white mama?

LEO: Well first of all dude I think I am Chinese, and second of all let me see you put your money where your mouth is

KELSO: I don’t know twenty bucks, I m gonna have to dig into my babysitting money

 (They all give him a strange look) I mean my drag racing money.

FEZ: Time to lose little white girls

LEO: (sticks the ball in and scores a point right away) Score! Hey I just remembered man I am really good at this game

Hyde is sitting at a table in the Hub Jackie runs in and sits with him.

JACKIE: Ooh Steven, I am so glad you’re here.

HYDE: Jackie please I am right in the middle of Smokey and the Band-aid ok.

JACKIE: Okay fine but I signed us up for roller disco lessons at skate world tonight class starts in half an hour so we better hustle. (Hyde gives her an annoyed look) you get it? Hustle

HYDE: Okay let me explain something to you on Friday nights I don’t roller disco I go out looking for roller discoers to punch in the head.

JACKIE: Okay fine we won’t roller disco we’ll do anything you want.

HYDE: No we won’t. Look man you and I don’t have anything in common your like a square you know a cheerleader. So just roller disco on outta here okay.

JACKIE: fine, fine I guess I am not cool enough to hang out with you anymore

HYDE: Now you’re getting it

JACKIE: (gets up) you know Steven you think you know me but you don’t you don’t know me at all (walk away and leaves)

HYDE: I know you like unicorns so bye bye

Forman Driveway

Eric is shooting some hoops and Donna joins him

ERIC: Oh my god, call Walter Cronkite my girlfriend has her pants on

DONNA: Okay you’re behaving like the biggest baby what your problem?

ERIC: What’s my? My problem is it your…butt! It’s our butt… it’s my butt

DONNA: Eric it’s my butt and when I showed it it was funny and you should be glad that you have a girlfriend whose cool enough to moon

ERIC: well, yeah okay your right but once the jocks or the guys at the firebird see it you know they’re just gonna totally want you

DONNA: (sarcastically) Oh no with my weak willed girlie mind ill go too. You’re such a bone head.

ERIC: yeah I know its great but you know in the future will it kill you to have just a smidgen of modesty. (Donna laughs) What? What’s so funny/

DONNA: you’re a prude

ERIC: I am not!

DONNA: Yes, you’re uptight like a little pilgrim

ERIC: Oh yeah

DONNA: Yeah

ERIC: Oh yeah

DONNA: Yeah

Cut to the Forman Kitchen the pinciottis are on their way out standing by the sliding door

BOB: In the end I m glad my daughters with your Eric at least I know Eric’s not a degenerate.

Turns to leave and upon opening the sliding door sees Eric pulling his pants down

ERIC: Who’s the prude now huh?!? My ass is swinging baby woo! (He starts shaking his slapping his butt in front of everyone)

KITTY: Eric?

Eric bends down to see the two families from between his legs.

ERIC: Hi mom (Donna falls down laughing)

RED: So Bob uh you wanna go ahead and cancel next week's game buddy?

The hub

Kelso and Fez are still playing

KELSO: okay, ties game this is it fez channel all of your hatred for the white man into this one last point.

FEZ: I am full of hate my brother (A guy walks up to fez)

GUY: Hey Foreign guy will you sign your yearbook picture?

FEZ: What book picture? OH my God it is half my face I feel the warm love and embrace of the whitey I forfeit you win

KELSO: No no no No one is embracing you fez your brown okay so lets kick some racist ass!

Fez causes them to lose that point by looking at his picture, so they lose

FEZ: We lost? Nice game my white friends

KELSO: You owe me money! (Hits Fez on the arm)

Outside the Hub Jackie is waiting against the wall, Hyde walks out

JACKIE: Hey Hyde

HYDE: Oh no is the roller disco craze over already?

JACKIE: of course not. Look, Hyde I just want you to know that I am not a square cheerleader I am on the wrong side of the law. Because I have this (shows him a paper bag)

HYDE: (Sarcastically) Oh no a paper bag run (Jackie opens the bag and Hyde walks over and looks in) Jackie?

JACKIE: Oh yeah, I bought it in the ghetto

HYDE: Jackie there is no ghetto here; I mean there’s like that one house that needs to be painted.

JACKIE: Okay fine I bought it from my housekeeper what ever

HYDE: So what are you saying? You wanna be like a burn out now

JACKIE: No, no Hyde I just wanna be with you, okay I think your one of the coolest, sweetest guys I've ever met

HYDE: No you don’t!

JACKIE: Yes I do.

(An officer appears) Is there a problem here?

HYDE: No sir officer, there’s no problem at all right Jack?

JACKIE: There’s nothing in the bag

Officer: (walk over and looks in the bag)okay miss lets go.

JACKIE: No, no I can’t go to jail I have to cheer tomorrow.

The officer walks over and grabs her arm

HYDE: What are you doing man? The bag is mine. Come on cheerleader, dirt bag.

OFFICER: Okay man (moves over and handcuffs him)

JACKIE: Oh my god Steven Hyde, you were right we will never be friends we’ll be more than friends, because now I love you!

HYDE: Oh my god would you shut up?

JACKIE: As god is my witness I will wait for you!

Forman Kitchen

Red and Kitty are getting after Eric for the mooning incident

KITTY: Well I hope you’re happy I don’t think Bob will ever recover from the sight of your rear end

LAURIE: What rear end?

RED: What I can’t figure out is how you expected to run away with your pants down around your ankles

LAURIE: Damn he’s dumb

The phone rings and red goes over and answers it

RED: Hello, Steven where have you been you missed the funniest damn thing

HYDE: (at the police station) uh-huh, uh-huh pants around the ankles oh that’s great look red I gotta talk to you about something

RED: (on the other end) Arrested, for what for possession of what? Son of a bitch!

The basement

The whole gang is sitting there

KELSO: Hyde got arrested, for what?

DONNA: For holding.

KELSO: For holding what?

JACKIE: For holding my heart, because I love him

THE GANG: What!?!

JACKIE: It’s true okay I love Steven Hyde and some day he’ll love me and he’ll cut off those stupid sideburns and we’ll live happily ever after.

THE GANG: What!?!

END