-Darien Fawkes: By the way, I want my tombstone to say, "Too late, he's already dead." You know, just in case more people show up wanting to screw my life over.

-Darien Fawkes: A great 20th century philosopher, Charles Schulz, once had Linus observe, "Big sisters are the crabgrass on the lawn of life." I guess the same could be said of big brothers.

-[Pointing a gun at his head]
Darien Fawkes: No one move, or the gland gets it!

-Darien Fawkes: What, you never had an invisible friend?
Robert Hobbes: I had invisible enemies.

-Kevin: We have to think about premature visibility.
Darien Fawkes: Premature visibility.
Kevin: It can happen if you get distracted.
Darien Fawkes: Well, then we need to get some uglier nurses.

-Darien Fawkes: Time flies when you're having fun, or in a coma. I'd been unconscious nearly three weeks. Just enough time for every muscle in my body to go on strike.

-Darien Fawkes: From now on, the glass is half full.
The Keeper: Much better.
Darien Fawkes: Unfortunately it's filled with blood.

-Darien Fawkes: Hey, could you explain something to me? Now that I can go invisible, I can't be let out of sight! Now how does that make sense?
The Keeper: You see, it doesn't have to. When you're invisible, the only person who can truly watch you is yourself.
Darien Fawkes: Wow, could you print that up and put that on a key chain for me?