Chapter 5

Anakin stood in the doorway of the control room on the small space corvette silently admiring his bond-mate, who at the moment was staring out into the nothingness of space completely unaware of his presence. Anakin was still surprised by the effect the mere sight of Obi-Wan had on him, the way his breath would catch at the first glimpse, the pounding of his heart and then the swell of warmth flowing over him, lighting areas in his soul that he never knew existed before.

He didn't understand why the man so intrigued him, his features after all, were not extrordinary. Yet somehow they combined to form a whole that was both remarkable and beautiful. He so badly wanted to sit and stare to his heart's content and fully comprehend the secret to the loveliness that so captivated him. Unfortunately, Obi-Wan had noticed his presence and he could feel the man's shields being pulled tight around him as if needing to protect himself from prying eyes. Anakin sighed disappointedly. Taking a deep breath he pushed the longing away and instead decided to try once again to discuss their bond.

"So are you going to continue to sulk and make this mission as miserable as possible for both of us?" Anakin moved forward as he spoke and flopped into the seat next to Obi-Wan. "I don't understand why it's such a bad idea for us to get to know each other and hopefully stabilize the bond. You are just being stubborn. Master Yoda said -- ," Anakin stopped in mid-sentence when Obi-Wan abruptly pulled himself out of the co-pilot's seat and walked out without acknowledging his presence.

Anakin pounded his fist on the arm of the chair, fighting back screams of frustration. Gods, the man was impossible. He had tried everything to engage him in a discussion about their bond, about their relationship, but he continued to deny they had one or could ever have one.

The part that hurt the most was that he could feel how unhappy and lonely the other man was. He wondered again if it wasn't being bonded that Obi-Wan objected to, but to him specifically. The constant rejection was bringing back the old feelings of unworthiness that plagued him since he had first become a padawan. He knew he was overreacting and pushing too hard, but didn't seem to be able to control himself.

In addition, to the feelings of rejection, he was also beleaguered by the intense attraction that seemed to be driving him to increasingly desperate acts. It was all he could do to keep from reaching out and touching his bond-mate. Cold showers and meditation were the only things saving him from making a complete fool of himself.

He didn't know how effective this mission was going to be in stabilizing the bond if Obi-Wan didn't abandon this attitude. Anakin had almost decided that he was going to have to do something drastic to change the situation. He had some ideas, but was hesitant to follow through with them. They might backfire and he could lose Obi- Wan forever. However, the young knight didn't know how much more he could take; he was only human and Master Yoda had said that he must be willing to do whatever was necessary.

+++++

Obi-Wan sat on the bunk, locked in his small cabin miserably thinking about his situation and his next step. Master Yoda had told him to "explore the bond". In other words, screw Anakin's brains out, let the bond take and in so doing happily submit to accepting a life- mate. They had finally found a way to stick him with a partner -- or more accurately a babysitter, thereby solving the problem of their errant knight."

The problem was that they were winning. The bond was getting stronger, the desire to reach out to Anakin was pulsing in his mind and it was driving him crazy. It was taking all his will power to hold his hands back and not pull his young bond-mate into his arms.

He knew he was being cruel to the boy, but couldn't think of anyother way to keep the kid away from him. How much more could the Force want from him? He had already lost Qui-Gon and now it had taken the last remnants of their bond and sacrificed it to Anakin. All he wanted was to be left alone to do his duty and live out his solitary life the best way he could. He didn't want any more pain or great crusades. He couldn't lose this battle. The Force wouldn't win this time.

Obi-Wan pulled his backpack from under the bunk and retrieved a plain gray box. He smoothed the top of the box with his hand and hesitantly opened it. He had bought the drug from an apothecary that one of the workers at the clinic had put him in contact with, intending only to use it as a last resort in case his will power failed. It had only been a week since the meeting with Yoda and Mace and already he knew he couldn't resist the bond without help. He had needed to wear a Force suppressing bracelet for six cycles to survive the loss of his bond with Qui, but had found the loss of the Force almost more torturous than the pain of the psychic shock.

He took a tremulous breath as he remembered how bad it had been. He'd always had an intimate relationship with the Force before Naboo and losing it had been like losing a limb. He hated the thought of losing the Force again, but if he wanted to keep his freedom and sanity he must.

There were also the physical ramifications to consider. The bracelet drained his energy and weakened him to the point of frailness. The Apothecary on Elskin had promised that this drug wouldn't affect him as strongly as the bracelet had; he should be able to function as a normal Forceless man after a few days.

He opened the lid and pulled out the needle and the bottle of Zephine. This, he was told, would be invisible and undetectable. It wouldn't totally suppress the Force, but it would suppress it enough to keep a bond from forming or strengthening, hopefully long enough for the bond to go dormant. There would be a miniscule bleeding through that would make it appear to another Force user that he had very strong shields.

He filled the syringe, pressed it against the inside of his arm and slid the needle into a vein. He closed his eyes as he pushed the drug slowly into his body; then reopened them to watch as the needle glided out, leaving a tiny dot of blood. He placed everything back into the box then pushed it into the bottom of his backpack, he then lay down on the bunk and waited.

It was like gradually going blind as feelings and knowledge that he`d taken for granted started slipping away. Obi-Wan turned to his side, trembling as the warm soothing energy of the Force slowly diminished. In its place came the feelings of isolation and self-doubt. As an anguished sob escaped his clenched lips; he quickly covered his mouth to stifle the sounds of despair, not wanting Anakin to hear his weakness. Ugly thoughts of love lost and a hopeless future filled him up as quickly as the Force drained out of him. He didn't deserve to be loved, that's why the Force had forsaken him, he hadn't been worthy of Qui-Gon, that's why his master had rejected him, and he wasn't worthy of Anakin. He would never let himself be used that way again.

He cried silently, wiping his eyes and desperately trying to control the intense anguish and sadness that enveloped him. He kept telling himself it was the drug that made him feel this way, but he knew better. After a few minutes he gained control of his emotions and the tears slowly subsided, he eventually relaxed enough to give in to his exhaustion and fall into a fitful Forceless sleep.

++++

Anakin went to Obi-Wan's cabin and buzzed. After several times, the door finally slid open to reveal a red eyed Obi-Wan.

"What?"

Anakin stood silently, shocked by the sight of the pale and haunted looking knight. "Um, we're here."

Obi-Wan nodded and walked back into the cabin to grab his backpack, "Okay, let's go."

Anakin longed to pull Obi-Wan into his arms to comfort him, but instead reached out for the bond. He was shocked to feel the bond's weakness, but relaxed once he realized that Obi-Wan must be shielding from him. Force, he must be expanding a great deal of energy to sustain shields that strong, Anakin thought resentfully. Why did he have to fight so hard? Why couldn't he just let it be? Anakin turned away angrily and rushed out of the ship.

Obi-Wan followed him silently, concentrating hard to put one foot in front of the other and wondering how he was going to keep up this charade for six cycles.

+++++

Anakin unloaded their equipment and then sat down on a large crate near Obi-Wan.

"Now what?" Obi-Wan asked tiredly.

"Now we wait for one of the clinic's staff to pick us up."

Obi-Wan nodded and closed his eyes, already exhausted from just carrying his backpack and duffle off the ship.

"You'll like Lanisi, it's very beautiful. The clinic is only a quarter kilometer away from the beach. Our cottage is right on the beach, in fact the door is eighty-two steps away from it, the last time I checked anyway," Anakin smiled, hoping to interest Obi-Wan in either their surroundings or anything else about this mission.

Obi-Wan ignored him.

"Anakin? Ani! Oh my God, look at you!"

Anakin looked over to his right to see a tall Payan running towards him. "Yasha!" he yelled back, running to meet his boyhood friend.

Obi-Wan stood and looked at the two young men practically tackling each other in the middle of the spaceport. Yasha was a decidedly handsome boy, taller than Anakin with wavy dark hair and light cinnamon-colored skin. The two looked to be well matched.

Anakin dragged Yasha over to Obi-Wan with a huge smile spread across his handsome face. "Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, I'd like you'd to meet my good friend Yasha Gorge. He's a student and volunteers at the clinic every summer."

Yasha reached out and took Obi-Wan's hand, "Very nice to meet you. We are very grateful that the Jedi have agreed to help us. I'm not the official welcoming committee, but I talked father into allowing me to pick you up when I found out Anakin was coming."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Your welcome is much appreciated and most cordial. Thank you."

Yasha blushed and laughed nervously, sneaking a look at Anakin. "Well, let me help you get your things. Lerna is coming with the speeder-truck to pick up the supplies." With that Anakin and Yasha loaded the luggage into the speeder, laughing and slapping each other on the back good-naturedly.

+++++

Obi-Wan sat in the back seat of the speeder watching Anakin curiously. The boy was a different person here. He hadn't stopped talking since Yasha showed up and seemed truly relaxed and happy.

Anakin talked animatedly as he pointed out landmarks along their route. As they passed over a small wooden bridge Anakin pointed excitedly to a strip of beach with a small pale yellow cottage nestled in an oasis of palm trees.

"There it is." Anakin jumped out of the slow moving speeder and ran towards the run down home.

Yasha reached over and stopped the speeder, laughing good naturedly at his friend's antics.

"What's he doing?" Obi-Wan asked in alarm, taken aback by Anakin's impulsive behavior.

"That's his house. His mom's house, I mean!" Yasha yelled over his shoulder as he ran after Anakin.

"I thought his mom died," Obi-Wan quietly muttered. He slowly climbed out of the speeder and walked toward the cottage, looking around appreciatively at the almost idyllic setting. He caught brief glimpses of Anakin through the windows of the cottage and heard the carefree laughter of the two friends."

Not wanting to intrude on the boy's homecoming, Obi-Wan walked down to the white sandy beach. He rolled up his pant legs and removed his short boots, smiling as he waded into the water, letting the feel of the hot sun on his skin and the smell of the ocean warm his soul. How beautiful it was here, Obi-Wan thought wistfully. Too bad it was ruined by the knowledge that the man he was unhappily bonded to was only steps away.

++++

"Force Anakin, I can't believe you're bonded. Aren't you a little young for that?"

Anakin shook his head, standing at the front window watching Obi-Wan walking along the beach. "No, I can't believe I waited this long for him."

"He's very beautiful. My God, I don`t think I`d ever get out of bed if he was in it with me."

Anakin chuckled nervously, agreeing.

"Look at you. You`re bonded, a healer and a knight. All your dreams have come true. I admit I thought you were crazy when you told me everything that you wanted and were determined to get back at the ripe old age of ten. You remember?"

Anakin turned sadly to face his friend. "Yes, the only thing different from my dreams is that my mother isn`t here to share them with me."

Yasha walked up to Anakin and hugged him. "You know she's probably watching you right now. -- And she's not very happy at the state you've left her cabin," Yasha teased getting a laugh out of Anakin as he intended.

"You're right. She'd kill me for this. Oh well, between Obi-Wan and I we'll have it in shape in no time."

"What are we getting in shape?" Obi-Wan asked from the doorway, his pants legs still rolled up with short boots in his hand.

Anakin smiled and stopped suddenly. He felt dizzy for a split second, realizing that he'd seen this scene before. He'd said those exact words - "get this place in shape" - and he'd seen Obi-Wan standing right there in those clothes with his leggings rolled up and boots in his hand. Anakin's smile got bigger at the knowledge that he was walking the path the Force wanted.

"You okay?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Yes, I'm perfect. Isn't it great? This was my mother's home? I was telling Yasha that we're going to fix it up while we're here."

Obi-Wan just nodded as he looked around. He held back his immediate response to such a suggestion, which was: `Come back to reality, I'm not going to play house with you', but he didn't want to embarrass the kid in front of his friend.

"So you are going to stay here rather than at the clinic?" Yasha asked with surprise.

"Of course, this is my home," Anakin replied equally surprised by the question.

"I know. I just wondered if that was a good idea considering the feelings the Nisi have for the inoculations and the quarantine," Yasha said with concern.

Obi-Wan perked up at hearing this comment, his vast experience with ancient cultures making his inner warning bells go off. "The Nisi have negative feelings regarding the inoculations?"

Anakin nodded. "Yes, that's why it's been so hard for us to contain the disease here. They only allow the medics or healers to treat their people in the presence of their Shaman and then you have to get special approval from both the Shaman and the Chief to cut them or break their skin or even give them oral medications. That makes mass inoculations almost impossible. The quarantine is just as difficult to enforce. Once a cycle each family must visit their father's birth temple for blessings and tithing."

"Well, that's the excuse they use anyway," Yasha added, rolling his eyes with disgust. "You must understand Master Kenobi, the Nisi are traders and migrants. Their religion is an excuse to bypass the Paladino laws and for general governmental dissension. The chiefs are more interested in their clan's trading interests than in spreading spiritual enlightenment."

"That's not quite fair. They are genuinely superstitious and wary of outsiders. I truly believe they fear the inoculations." Anakin crossed his arms and sighed. "I will concede that their problems with the quarantine seem to be more motivated by political and monetary concerns than any true religious beliefs. And they are subtly subversive against the current Paladino administration."

"So do you believe they would try to actively interfere with the inoculations and quarantine?" Obi-Wan asked both men.

Yasha shook his head, "Not really, but there have been a few examples of vandalism at the clinic in recent months."

Obi-Wan couldn't help but smile at the adolescent knight speaking about wayward youths. He must admit that he was impressed despite himself. Anakin seemed knowledgeable about the Nisi culture and expressed his opinions intelligently. "Since the vandalism has been at the clinic, it might be best to stay here since that would help to disassociate us from an organization that they may be suspicious of. I have always found that when dealing with cultural differences, small gestures can go a long way."

"I suppose you are right, it might help the Nisi to see the inoculations as separate and independent of governmental involvement. I warn you though that Del'nisi is an unreasonable brute," Yasha stated harshly. "He hates my father and thinks the quarantine is a conspiracy that we thought up to ruin his trade agreements with the other colonies."

"We can discuss all this at the clinic. We still need to deliver the medical supplies and have Obi-Wan meet everyone." Anakin walked over to Obi-Wan and took his hand. "Shall we?"

Obi-Wan let Anakin guide him to the speeder without complaint, though he wasn't sure why. He supposed he was just too tired to argue about it and seeing the boy in this house and in this setting somehow reminded him just how young Anakin was. He didn't want to hurt the kid any more than he had to, so he'd let him hold his hand this once and he'd pretend that he was going to help fix up the house for now. Tomorrow, when he was feeling up to it, he promised himself that he'd straighten the boy out.

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