Chapter IV: Welcome to my life
"Eroticism, in the end, is less perverse than hypocrisy" Kim Basinger
When Obi-wan had thankfully accepted thankfully Gambola's invitation to a formal dinner, he hadn't had in mind the fact that he would have to wear the typical clothing of the place. The truth was he must have supposed it, after all, people usually considered it a courtesy gesture. On the other hand, he had to be thankful for the fact that the suits both he and Anakin wore were pretty similar to their jedi robes, although they had brighter colors (every time he remembered those purple leather things he had had to wear in Ixir he got goose bumps). Looking at himself in the mirror, he finished fixing the upper part of the robe, his eyebrows frowned in a hard gesture.
"It's not that bad", Anakin appeared in the room with a dark blue robe, the upper part half unbuttoned, and stood next to Obi-wan in front of the mirror, "at least green goes with your eyes, right?"
"If you're trying to be funny you're not accomplishing it", the answer was more a grunt than any other thing, but he really liked his every day attire. What was wrong with his robes? They were comfortable and discrete.
"I guessed you wouldn't like this kind of things", Anakin half smiled, his eyes fixated on the mirror and his hands trying to tie his tunic to his neck. Obi-wan offered him a questioning look, "you're not very sociable, after all, you've barely left this place since we got here"
"This coming from a person that– let me help you", Obi-wan took his hands to Anakin's neck, fixing the blue tunic easily. Anakin arched an eyebrow, "you were making me nervous"
"Coming from a person that…?", he drawled the sentence, holding Obi- wan's hands on his neck when he had finished closing the tunic.
"Has fun insulting and irritating everybody else", finished Obi-wan, not making a gesture to move his hands.
"That's just part of my natural charm"
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If what Obi-wan and Anakin were witnessing was a formal dinner, they couldn't guess what will they call a party. They were announced as distinguished guests at the doors of a pompous palace made out of pure glass, even though that was the way every one else in there was treated. They entered into an incredibly huge room with high ceilings, filled with differently sized tables surrounding what had been designed as the dancing floor.
"Here you are!", Gambola appeared next to them all of sudden with a smile on his face. After him, there was Thania and a woman that could very well be Gambola's female version, "we are glad to have you here, it's an honor!", the man shook both of his hands strongly, pointing then to the woman that joined him, "this is my sister."
"Gambola told me wonderful things about you, but I think he could have said a lot more", saying that, he hung herself to Obi-wan's arm, "my name is Kanti."
"Obi-wan Kenobi, nice to meet you", Obi-wan smiled his best and fakest smile. That was going to be one long night.
"We thought this was going to be something more intimate", said Anakin.
"Father insisted in inviting all the high class, we don't have distinguished guests often", Thania took a step to the front and made the explanations, since his father had turned around to talk to a man dressed in pompous tunics and her aunt seemed more interested in dragging Obi-wan to the dancing floor, "the Shani leaders were invited too, but I don't think they will be coming", she continued, "er… it seems that my aunt finds your friend's company enjoyable", by that moment, the jedi had been dragged to the center of the room, where Thania's aunt instructed him on the basic steps of the traditional dance.
"So it seems", Anakin had to laugh. Obi-wan's expression was priceless, "but he is not my friend."
"Of course, I forgot."
That moment, the door guardians announced that the leaders of the Shani clan had arrived. Thania whispered a "that's a surprise" to Anakin while she stepped to receive the blonde haired family. Nevertheless, through the door didn't enter a few people, not even Batcha, just his heir, Jacob.
"Good night", he greeted Thania with a bow when he reached her.
"Well, hello!", Gambola ran towards them, his eternal smile plastered on his face, "I was expecting your father and your brothers, too."
"I'm just here to deliver a message", Jacob made a second bow to Gambola, "my father presents his apologies, but important business are holding him. He assures you he won't reject your next invitation."
"Pity… thank you, boy".
"It was a pleasure, good night", a third inclination acted as a goodbye. Jacob turned around and took his steps to the door.
"Why don't you stay?", Thania raised her voice a little, making the boy stop his movement.
"Good idea! We'll put and extra chair on our table."
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Obi-wan and Anakin were seated at a table with Gambola, his daughter, his sister and young Jacob. While Gambola entertained the table with funny stories, his sister seemed more interested on Obi-wan's life, who could only resign himself to the questioning and throw murderous glares to Anakin, who seemed to find the whole situation very amusing.
"So tell me, Obi-wan, are you married?", the woman's eyelashes moved flirtatiously one more time.
"Married? Er… no, no", the truth was he was tempted to lie, although he was also tempted to kick Anakin under the table. He was having too much fun.
"Girlfriend?"
"No, our job doesn't allow us some trivialities. We must serve the Republic and the Force", he knew by experience that work talks bored women, although this one seemed very persistent. Too persistent.
"Pity", Kanti sighed, making the gesture too long to be real, "such a distinguished and kind gentlemen condemned to such loneliness", the woman clutched his arm strongly, getting slightly closer to him, "would you grant me another dance?", all Obi-wan could do was sigh and rub his eyes.
"Of course", sometimes he thought he was too nice for his own good.
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Anakin said goodbye to his dance partner with a smile and went through the room with his eyes. Gambola talked to people here and there, his laugh filling the room, Thania danced with a flushed Jacob and her aunt… her aunt was alone and looking for something, ergo, Obi-wan had ran away. It wasn't hard to find him close to the door, camouflaged between the groups of people that were leaving the party. He went through the room with a firm step, ignoring the fact that Kanti was following him.
"Coward", the word was a whisper in Obi-wan's ear.
"Did you expect me to stay in the middle of the room waiting for her to find me again?", Obi-wan turned around with a arched eyebrow, facing Anakin, "why do this things happen always to me?", the words were more for himself than for Anakin, but all he could do was laugh, "don't laugh."
"Don't laugh? Too much to ask."
"Sincerely–"
"Obi-wan!", as an automatic gesture the jedi's face became paler than could be considered healthy. Kanti appeared in front of both men, "dear, I had lost you."
"So had I."
"I think we still have time for a last dance", the woman extended her arm towards Obi-wan, but he took a step towards Anakin, escaping her grasp.
"Actually, you're going to have to excuse me. I have important business to treat with… with him", with a second step towards Anakin, he closed the conversation. Nonetheless, the woman stayed a few seconds watching both men.
"Oh, oh, it's all right, I understand", she whispered seconds later, "you make a beautiful couple."
"What!?", Obi-wan's voice was a whispered scream, "no, no, we don't–"
"Do you mean it?", cut Anakin suddenly, entwining his hand with Obi- wan's, "thank you! We get that a lot."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Oh, well, Obi-wan is very reserved for this kind of things", pulling him a bit, Anakin closed the distance between them, pressing their bodies together. Obi-wan, on his part, didn't know wheter to laugh or to cry, "I always tell him that there is nothing to be embarrassed about."
"Of course… a lovely couple, definitely."
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"A lovely couple! Why did you…? How could you…?", Obi-wan throw his arms to the sky, defeated. Behind him, Anakin walked without erasing his smirk. When the party ended, they both had insisted on going back walking, after all, Obi-wan had to scream at Anakin. Gambola had insisted on sending a guard with them, but Kanti had said that they probably wanted to enjoy a romantic walk under the moonlight and so, they had gone alone.
"You were the one who wanted to get rid of her… you should have seen your face", Obi-wan offered him a groan as an answer, "oh, come on, the party wasn't that bad, it was fun, even"
"Sure, didn't you see me jump out of emotion?"
"There is no need to be sarcastic", Anakin got a second groan, so he decided to stay silent.
They made half of the way in silence, both looking occasionally to the star filled sky. Finally, bored and considering Obi-wan had had enough time to calm down, Anakin decided to talk.
"Do you think Batcha was honest rejecting the invitation?", Obi-wan turned his face surprised, not having expected conversation, after all, they were close to the house and all he could think about was sleeping.
"Probably not", he answered a few seconds later.
"Why would he do that? Wouldn't it be more logical to appear while we are here? To show good disposition"
"He sent his son with a polite message assuring he would accept the next invitation", explained Obi-wan, "a courteous gesture and yet, powerful."
"Powerful?", asked Anakin arching an eyebrow.
"It's a way of saying that he is powerful enough not to take his enemy's charity… he is a good diplomat, a bit too twisted for my liking", Obi-wan shrugged a little, smiling when he saw the house just a few steps away, "his son seems nicer."
"He is in love with Thania", Obi-wan offered him a questioning look, "it's obvious… so you think it's all a power game?", he asked when they got to the house's back entrance.
"Yes, for Batcha… Gambola seems too honest. It may be dangerous."
"Doesn't have to", Anakin nodded convinced, a half smile on his face, "power games are my specialty."
"Of course, I keep forgetting that with you it's always about power", Obi-wan's voice took a disdainful tone.
"Why do you make it sound as something bad?"
"Power– ambition", Obi-wan corrected himself, "leads to the dark side."
"Thanks, master Yoda."
"Disrespectful to the end. Master Yoda is wise and–"
"Convinced that breathing leads to the dark side", finished Anakin, "I'm not denying is wisdom, but personally I think he is a bit paranoid."
"Whatever", Obi-wan shrugged, resigned, going up the stairs that would take him to the back porch and to the house's door. Nevertheless, he felt Anakin clutching his arm and making him turn around.
"Why don't we finish our conversation?", the tone was calmed but aggressive. Anakin's fury was easy.
"Power is evil by essence", whispered Obi-wan, letting go of Anakin with a fast movement.
"That is not true. Power by itself is nothing, it is the person the one who uses it, so it is the person who gives the evil essence."
"That is a beautiful conception, Anakin, but cynical. Any person with power has more tendency to be evil than one without it."
"Of course, but the person can also tend to do good", Obi-wan half smiled, moving his head from side to side, "come on, the Senate has power, the jedi Order has power and that doesn't make them evil, the other way around actually."
"The Senate is limited by the people and the Jedi by the Senate. Limited power, never in its pure form."
"Emotion", said Anakin all of a sudden.
"What?"
"Emotions… love, compassion, they give power, how can you say that they're evil?"
"Emotions aren't powerful, that's just another naďve thought", Obi- wan breathed heavily, he wasn't even sure why they were discussing.
"If you love a person, that person holds power over you, because eventually you will do anything to keep the love you're getting", explained Anakin, "could you honestly tell me that Qui-gon had no power over you?"
"That is none of your business", his answer was automatic, sharp. Obi-wan turned around quickly, opening the door and entering the house. Anakin, with strong steps, went after him.
"And why not? Is it so hard to talk about him?", he asked to Obi- wan's back.
"I just don't like to talk about him, especially with you."
"Why? I am the only person that knew him as well as you did", with a hard gesture, Obi-wan turned around, walking the steps that separated him from Anakin and raising his gaze to his eyes.
"Who do you think you are?", for the first time since they were there, Obi-wan's voice hid real fury, and all Anakin could ask himself was why he felt the necessity of descending his lips to Obi- wan's, of biting them, of spilling blood, of hurting, "you think you know him just because he freed you and put a little faith in you?"
"Only a person like him would do what he did for me, so yes, I knew him. Maybe not what he liked or disliked, but I knew who he was", Obi-wan had to repress the necessity of closing his hands around the other one's neck. He knew all he had to do was raise his arms a little and shut the insolent voice up, although, perhaps, he should do that with a kiss, "he was the only person to ever have faith in me."
"Stop victimizing yourself. You were trained, right? You're a jedi, the dammed chosen one, right?"
"And what does that mean? My master never believed in me, the Council didn't believe in me… you didn't believe in me"
"No, no I didn't", the voice was a whisper, lacking of malice, but it seemed to end the conversation, "I don't", Obi-wan got away from the lips he had been about to kiss and, with a quick step, left the room.
Anakin let tiredness make him fall to his knees and, with a furious murmur, he hit the floor strongly. He had survived every day of his life without caring about the faith others put in him, he had walked with his head up high and a superior smile without caring about other people, so why did it hurt so much when Obi-wan didn't accept him?
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Obi-wan descended through the stairs slowly, slightly distracted. The truth was he was bored. He had sent the treaty to the Council and the corrections hadn't arrived yet. Ask the Council to agree completely to his dispositions would be asking for a miracle, so very soon he would have to sit and work in the corrections but, in the mean time, he didn't have much to do.
Anakin, on his part, spent most of his time out, probably swimming. Their relationship, just as every time they entered personal discussion, had gone back to normal or, well, what was normal for them. Teasing and political discussion, nothing more. They tended to act as if nothing had happened, as if the tension, both personal and sexual, didn't exist. Obi-wan was convinced that it was the best, after all, when they got both parts to sign the treaty in a couple of days, they could leave this place and they wouldn't have to meet ever again.
Obi-wan took a step into the living, but he stopped involuntarily in the doorframe. Anakin had returned and, as usually, he was lying on the floor, still, that time was different. The flexed knees, the bare feet on the floor, the opened legs, a slight pink tone to his cheeks, one hand caressing a hard on above clothing. Obi-wan's mind registered for a moment the thought of leaving, but his feet were rooted to the floor, his eyes fixated on Anakin.
Anakin felt Obi-wan's presence through his closed eyes and drew an involuntary smile on his face. If he had public, he would have to put on a good show. His tongue appeared, capricious, caressing his lips in a deliberate slow way, leaving a natural glow in them. His hand, that had been on top of his pants went inside it with a fast movement, the other one caressing chest and stomach slowly. The simple notion of Obi-wan being there, watching him, made everything more exciting, erotic.
Obi-wan knew he had to leave, run, get away, whatever, but his eyes were fixated on the flush that was extending through Anakin's neck. His slightly long hair was sticking to his forehead while his back arched copying the rhythm, that was becoming faster by the minute, that his hand took. He licked his lips unconsciously watching the sweat drops that fell through Anakin's neck, who moved like a cat under his own contact. No sound left his parted lips, only low sighs, until one, slightly higher, accompanied by a sigh, marked the end. Anakin allowed his back to relax, his legs to spread and his arms to fall to his sides.
Obi-wan had to bite his lips to avoid a moan. Recovering the capability of movement, he made a fast turn and fell to the floor of the next room, a light cape of sweat covering his body. He took his hands to his own pants and cursed silently. This had to end, whatever it was.
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"Are you still awake?", Obi-wan raised his head to Anakin who, with a bottle of water in his hands, looked at him questioningly.
The amendments of the Council had arrived that afternoon, and both of them had started working. They had asked for a meeting with both clans a couple of days from today and Obi-wan wanted to correct and study the treaty slowly. Saying that he had spent the afternoon fighting with Anakin instead of working would be pretty close to the truth. So he had decided to stay up late working while Anakin slept. The fact that every time he closed his eyes he saw Anakin trembling like a cat under his hand didn't help.
"You should get some sleep", whispered Anakin after a few seconds, "you look awful."
"Gee, thanks", he groaned a little. Anakin half smiled, sitting next to Obi-wan on the brown leather couch that adorned the room.
"It's just your eyes are red, does your head hurt?", Obi-wan just nodded. The truth was he wasn't completely comfortable with having Anakin so close, "understandable", he took his hands to Obi-wan's face and took off his glasses carefully, leaving them on the table. He put his hands on the side of his eyes and massaged the zone, "this used to help my master."
"Yes", half smiled Obi-wan, "pressure points", Anakin smiled too, leaning unconsciously closer to Obi-wan.
Suddenly, he thought that he could descend his lips a few millimeters and kiss Obi-wan's. The thought surprised him, because he didn't kiss people, it wasn't part of the deal, but he really wanted to press his lips to Obi-wan's, redden them, lick them and…
"I think I'm going to go to sleep", he said quickly, taking his hands away from Obi-wan's face and getting up, "you should go too."
"Er… yes, sure."
Obi-wan watched Anakin leave with a questioning look on his face. He had been expecting a kiss; he had been wanting a kiss.
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End chapter IV
Welcome to my life - Simple Plan
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
And no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me...
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside your bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me...
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work
It was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life