Chapter 3
Silently Obi Wan steered the repulsorlift into the main stream of traffic, his eyes trained straight ahead trying to collect himself. It was at times like these that he tried to reach back into his past and evoke the memory Qui Gon’s boundless wisdom. His Master would have been able to shape this situation into a profound teaching opportunity, finding a harmony within the Force and carefully choose his words to his Padawan with supreme tact and discretion. Unfortunately, Obi Wan was not Qui-Gon Jinn. Turning to Anakin’s slumped figure seated next to him in the vehicle he could not contain himself any longer.
“Whoop, whoop, whoop?” Obi Wan did his best sarcastic impression of the boys drunken revel, “I speak 32 dialects of 183 languages and I cannot actually recall the word ‘Whoop’ in any of them.” With that he had broken the tense silence and also his carefully contained patience. Anakin leaned back in his seat listening to the older man.
Well, at least he had stopped giggling.
Only moments earlier they had cleared of crowds within the club. Anakin had faired poorly in the openness of the street. Following behind him Obi Wan had tried to guide his charge in the direction of the vehicle, but as his young legs betrayed him the boy had lurched haplessly to one side in a vane attempt to walk. The only human being to have ever run and survived the treacherous Boonta Eve Classic had seemed hopelessly lost trying to walk the short distance from the door to the vehicle. Catching up Obi Wan had spun Anakin around to face him.
“You’re drunk!” He had grimaced, trying to be as parental as he could. ”You reek of Death Sticks, bar swill, and who knows what else, and you are drunk!” He had been genuinely dumbfounded as he glared into his apprentice’s boyish face.
"No I’m not Master,” The young man had swayed side to side as he spoke, his long lanky frame seeming to use will alone to remain upright. “How can you say I’m drunk?” Stumbling backward Anakin had fallen, landing on his rear, hands splayed trying to brace his fall. For a moment he had just looked up in confusion at his Mentor then, abruptly began giggling as though his pratfall were the single most hilarious experience of his young life.
Rubbing his face Obi Wan had only stared in astonishment, not believing that his Ani had been sprawled ass over tit in the middle of the most notorious district in all of Coruscant, drunk as a Hutt … he corrected himself; two Hutts. His Ani! Had he not seen it with his own two eyes he would have never believed it. Now as they made their way home he could only bite back the bile of his own disappointment in his Apprentice.
His rant continued, “What if you had been seen? What would you have done if, say, Master Yoda had happened on you?”
More giggles.
“I am at a loss to find the humor in this Anakin”! His voice was cracking in anger.
“In the Uscru District, Master?” Ani quipped, “Yes Master, I’m sure that he and Master Windu have the VIP table at the Snapping Septoid.” Clearing his throat he sat upright placing his hand flush to his chest as though delivering a dramatic soliloquy, “My friend and I another Star Shine Special will have, Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm … yes.” His own dripping sarcasm seemed to once again amuse him to no end, sending Obi Wan into yet another wave of exasperation.
Kenobi felt his fingers dig into the steerage grips. He was not prepared for this kind of insolence from his Padawan. Over the years Anakin and himself had always respected the decorum in their formal relationship as Teacher and Student. This was the way Obi Wan had been taught and to be frank, what he was comfortable with. Now in his drunkenness the boy had abandoned all pretense of respect and obedience acting instead like a … a common capricious teenager.
“That’s quite enough.” He could feel the heat of his frustration flushing across his cheeks, “Padawan Roundtable indeed!”
Anakin smiled as he fingered his braid, smirking, “Well, if we’d called it the Padawan Circle Jerk I don’t imagine you would have let me go now would you?”
Taking a deep breath Obi Wan steered the vehicle easily off Vos Gesal Street back onto the Ginjei Throughway. Traffic was heavy and he struggled to be cautious while at the same time attending to the drunken young apprentice at his side. “Make no mistake Anakin, I will be speaking to each of their Masters first thing in the morning. All I would like to know is which of you young Jedi came up with this reprehensible idea in the first place?”
“Tight ass!” The young Padawan mumbled under his breath.
“Excuse me?” he blinked, not quite sure he had heard correctly.
“I said, uhhhh, Titus … his name was Titus” the young man lied trying to cover his mouth to conceal his broad smile.
The older Jedi registered the unfamiliar name for future reference. Clearly this “Titus” would have to be dealt with. Glancing to his smiling passenger Obi Wan grew more annoyed as for the first time he noticed the outfit his Apprentice had selected for the evening, “What is that you’re wearing?”
“Just clothes.” The teenager shrugged his shoulders, seeming both flattered and offended that he had even noticed.
Obi Wan fumed, “Just clothes.” He had personally commissioned Weng’r, the tailor out of his own Temple stipend to provide the boy with an appropriate wardrobe befitting a young Jedi. Light airy fabrics, much like his own, cut loose from the body allowing for his comfort and freedom of movement. Only later had he discovered that Anakin had convinced Weng’r to fashion something of his own design. So taken was Weng’r with the boy and his high style he had even given the boy a discount on his purchases. While they technically met the standards of the Jedi uniform his were fashioned in exotic fabrics with tunics and breeches cut snuggly to the body, and of course, all in varying shades of black.
“I suppose that you think that makes you look moody and mysterious.” Obi Wan snorted, “You’re a Jedi Anakin! You’re met to serve the people, not scare them out of their wits!”
“This is my personal statement”. He bit back defiantly, his drunkeness emphasizing the word ‘statement’ just a little too much to be taken seriously.
“And that thing in your ear,” He gestured to the small sparkling gemstone in the boy’s left ear, “Is that also some personal statement or did you just lack anywhere else to put it?”
Absently Anakin fingered the earring before removing it and tucked it into a small pouch on his belt. His bleary eyes trained forward as he took a deep breath, watching the cityscape speed by.
‘I see,’ Obi Wan thought, ‘Now you are just going to ignore me.’ Somehow he didn’t feel like being ignored right now. Motioning to a stain on Ani’s otherwise pristine tunic he wasn’t sure if he as trying to help or trying to tweak the young Jedi’s vanity, “By the way, you have something on your personal statement.”
Ani reluctantly examined his soiled tunic, “Oh, Bundi threw up on me I think” he said flatly.
"You realize of course that Bundi is a Gastropide don’t you?” He smirked, raising an eyebrow and nodding in the boy’s general vicinity, “He must really like you.”
Looking back at him and then to his tunic Anakin took a long moment before scrunching his nose as Obi Wan’s comment registered, “Ewwwww, Gastopide spunk, that is just … just wrong!” With that his hands began peeling the tunic over his head causing Obi Wan to swerve in his lane of traffic. Somewhere behind him an angry horn sounded from another vehicle.
Reaching to his side Obi Wan struggled to restrain the young man in the seat while watching him cast off his “personal statement” into the bowels of the city below. “What do you think your doing?”
Shaking his head the younger man mumbled something under his breath. All Obi Wan could make out were the words ‘Light Saber’ and some vague reference to his ‘Ass’, Anakin then threw his hands in the air in drunken defiance. Leaning his head back the boy closed his eyes and allowed the rushing air to blow over him. He seemed in deep concentration. After several moments of strained silence he again turned to Obi Wan, “You’re a virgin aren’t you?”
“I’m a what?” The statement had come out of nowhere catching him off guard. He began to turn in his seat to respond as the sensitive controls of the vehicle swerved with him causing it to list wildly to one side. Fighting to regain control Obi Wan compensated by firmly pulling the vehicle back into his lane and decelerating. The sudden shift had caused them both to shift hard back and forth in their seats before he regained a smooth steady velocity.
They both sat in sullen silence until Anakin bolted upright in his seat, his expression abruptly turning vacant and pained. “Oh, no you don’t!” Kenobi warned, “No Anakin … not here! Not now! Ani, please … We’re almost … ” As if to answer the warning Anakin turned quickly to the side leaning over the edge of the speeding vehicle, retching Alderaan Ale and who knows what else over the side. “ … home.” Obi Wan finished his statement for no one in particular. Twisting his head back he watched as several heaves later the boy seemed to have exhausted any remaining vestiges of his evening. Obi Wan pondered the terminal velocity of vomit and soon had his answer as an accelerating vehicle passed him, its driver cursing the fresh deposit on his air shield.
Had there been any justice in the Universe, he thought, Bundi would have been the one behind them. ‘No’ he thought, then he and Anakin would technically be engaged and that was a whole new container of larva he would rather not have opened. On the other hand it might be a viable option to this he mused.
“Are you alright Ani?” He tried to attend his young apprentice. The young man did not answer as his shirtless body slumped back in the seat with arms folded ignoring him as the vehicle finally steered into its slip at their apartment.