LIMBAUGH DEFENDS HIS PURCHASE OF ILLEGAL NARCOTICS:

"IT'S GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY AND IT HELPS POOR MINORITIES"

" I like Cuban cigars, New York crack whores, good double malt scotch, and Oxycontin," a belligerent and unapologetic Rush Limbaugh said on his radio show. "My purchase of street drugs helps the economy by putting dollars into the hands of minorities. This keeps them off welfare and proves that I am not a racist. If I were a racist, I would only buy Percodan from the white dealers, but I have Wilma, my Cuban maid, score drugs for me from minorities of every color," Rush said as he chased four Norco tablets (10/325 of hyrdocodone/acetomeniphine) with a shot of Glenfiddich.

"Goddammit," Rush said as he pounded the desk, "people just fucking don't get that I am above the law by virtue of having talent on loan from God." The talk show host then lit up a Cohíba espléndidos cigar, which is Cuban and illegal to possess in America, and observed that, "These fucking liberals, I tell you, these fucking liberals started in on me last week after I told the truth about that negro McNabb and now look: They are trying to gang-bang me about some minor infraction over a few pills. The liberal media is trying to turn this into a crime when I'm just helping the Puerto-Ricans and Cubans down here in Florida to get by. Hell, I've even had Conchita score me morphine from senior citizens who are hard up for cash. Usually their pain from cancer isn't that bad and they don't really need the drugs whereas I do because of the major pain in the ass the liberals give me every fucking day of my life, which is the greatest life that has ever been lived on the face of this miserable planet." 

"I am the modern savior of mankind and the sooner this is realized and I am worshipped, the sooner the world will be better off. Now this whole idea that I did something illegal is stupid. I, being rich and famous, of course had someone else do the buying and so if anyone is going down it is my maid. She is a stupid bitch anyway and deserves it for telling the Enquirer. What a whore! If this were the South in 1860, I could just sell her and be done with her. Anyway, I need to get back to  have broadcasting excellence. The golden EIB microphone. The Limbaugh Institute for Advanced Conservative Drug Purchasing Studies."