Things I Would Do If Enterprise Were My Show
-Have the Enterprise ship and crew meet an untimely but noble death saving the universe
If that is not possible...
-Have Hoshi meet an untimely death facing something not really scary on an away mission
-No translators! Use dictionaries like Kirk had to when the Universal Translator died. Nothing like page flipping to find out what ‘Kshrrrwyaaaarnnn’ means for suspense
-Have Archer meet an untimely death and be replaced with a captain more like Kirk: quicker to draw his phaser and more appealing to women
-Space is the Final Frontier. Remember that! Not time, space. So NO time travel. No temporal stuff. No Suluban. Period. Got it? Good.
-Make the warp engines much more precarious. Stability is boring. These engines are the first of their kind, so show it.
-The Enterprise should be able to make .5 past lightspeed so they can do the Kessel Run in…wait, never mind.
-Try not to fit a cave into every single episode
-There is only One Vulcan to Rule Them All: Mr. Spock. Make T’Pol a true blue aloof and nasty Vulcan or have her meet an untimely death
-Try to focus on something deeper and interesting than wacky action and unlikely plots
-Characterize!
-No Ferengi ever again; they were first met in TNG and should stay that way. Have that Episode erased from the collective consciousness of the Trekkie hive mind
- Let Dr. Phlox meet an untimely death or return to his home planet to mate with a fish
-Tripp needs to be brought down to size; get that girl who impregnated him to come back and demand welfare payments for the kid. That will teach him a lesson. Then have him die an unlikely…er, untimely death.
-Change Tripp's middle name to twit before he dies
-Promote Malcolm Reed because he is the only character worth anything on the ship
-Promote Malcolm Reed again
-Let the fangirls of slriG’naF Five kidnap Malcolm Reed and torture him with pineapple and force him to speak in his cool British accent till he keels over
-Klingons=The Enemy. Make it so.
-No more touchy romances: the girl dies tragically and untimely. Do it OLD SCHOOL!
-Make Professor Frink of The Simpsons chief engineer. “Oy My Glayvin!” is so much better than “Cap’n, them engines of yours is workin jes fine”
-Use models and bluescreens instead of digital stuff so the writers can focus on the plot instead of the effects
-Get the dog (Pythagoras or whatever his name is) a better job being cute in a holo-sitcom: Fraiser in the 24th Century
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