Reality Meltdown
Reality Meltdown was born to a peaceful family of turnips in the mid 1700's in a victorian house. He was concieved in the broom closet of a local theater, during a showing of "The King's Big Pants", but the large royal trousers were not enough to contain his mighty genesis. Five years later, his parents were put into the stew of a local Ogre, but Reality was able to throw enough mud into the pot to convince the Ogre he was dead. The Ogre later died of soil poisoning. Reality then fled into the wilderness, and swung around the branches of tree, chicken-fighting the local monkeys while holding a bottle of glue in his teeth. A group of hunters stalked him for his glue, trapping him with nets and wresting for the contents. As the wrestling match was reaching it's climax, Reality made a mask out of tree bark and dashed into the competition, using the glue to overpower the hunters. Now, without his glue and as a masked wrestling champion, he fled to Spain, where he head-butted four bulls to death in a battle royalle. It was later concluded that they were the tastiest steaks ever made. But he did not stop to sample the steaks, and instead stole a racecar and drove at 300mph on the German Autoban for 60 years, until a tragic crash ruined his auto, and dented his afro. The car was replaced, but the afro dent could not be repaired. Seeking to find a way to balance, now that hsi hair refused to even out, he fled to the Himalayas, where Reality would kick monks in the shin, then run away. The monks retaliated with bamboo sticks, but Reality was too quick. Finally the monks shaved his head while he was sleeping, and Reality swam across the Atlantic ocean to Argentina, where he joined the ranks of "La Revolution" of a local group of penguins. Under his leadership, the penguins soon rampaged the streets and routed the existing dictatorship. In reward, he was given a lovely tuxedo, which is now framed in a glass case with a sign on it. The sign states "Thar' be Taco's 'ere!", and has a picture of a pirate and a parrot fighting on it. Reality then left for the Bahama's, where he spent alot of time doing nothing. Finally, he was kicked out for being poor, and moved into a cardboard box in the lower East Side of New York. Reality made a living through car jacking and the occasional mugging, until he had a nearly fatal failure when trying to mug a vending machine. Scientists had to replace his spine with a steel rod, and his eye with a laser cannon. Reality Meltdown now fights crime all over the US, striking murderers and jay walkers with deadly force.
