Broken X23 was born sometime in the early 1980's, in the girl's bathroom at a Senior prom. He was immediately stuffed into a plastic bag and tossed into a dumpster for safe keeping. After a day or so, a sleazy Hollywood executive found him and brought him back to a fancy Hollywood TV studio. As soon as he was old enough to consciously be annoying, he was given a role on the hit family sit-com Full House.
Everything was going well until he accidentally strangled one of the Olsen triplets to death during an unusually rowdy game of 20 Questions. Certain cast members, such as Dave Coulier (who delighted audiences as funnyman Joey "cut-it-out" Gladstone), were very fond of the Olsen sisters and never forgave Broken for what he did. Coulier became incredibly difficult to work with in scenes where he was required to share the set with Broken, and in between takes Dave would smack Broken on the back of the head, pour cups of water on his shirt, and tie his shoe laces together. Another blow came when fellow cast member and TV legend, John Stamos, publicly outed Broken as a communist.
Despite the animosity from Coulier, Stamos, and many other cast members, Broken did make some friends while working on Full House. Among the best of these friends was Bob Saget, who introduced Broken to the world of ether and pain killers. Saget also taught him the proper ways to tie a hangman's noose, slit one's own wrists, and jump out of a tall building. In the end, it was the continued support of people like Bob Saget who got him through those times where it seemed like he was the most hated child star in the world.
One day, while in an ether-induced daze, Broken lost his genitals in a waffle iron. While at first this seemed to pose a problem, he quickly found his lack of genitals to be a blessing as it greatly expanded his opportunities within ABC's TGIF block. Within weeks he could be seen on shows like Perfect Strangers, Family Matters, Step by Step, and Boy Meets World. He soon began making millions of dollars, which he used to buy happiness.
When Broken got a little older, he wanted to leave the world of TGIF sit-coms and move on to other projects, insisting that it would be good for his creative growth. Unfortunately, he soon discovered that according to an obscure clause in his contract, he was a slave to the network for his entire life and his soul had long ago been devoured by the top brass at ABC. Broken was furious, and on his way to work one day, he parked his car in a spot normally reserved for one his bosses. ABC retaliated by hiring a french assassin who shot Broken in the head and dumped him in a river. After drifting downstream for hours, he was rescued by a group of friendly polar bears and lived in the forest until he was able to re-enter society.
Broken is now the well-respected author of over a dozen best-selling books on how to break into the phone psychic industry. He also owns a giant mansion, a gajillion dollars, a private jet, a baseball team, an oil company, a kangaroo farm, a laser pointer, a nuclear warhead, and a website. He is 46 years old.
