Broken X23
This book is dedicated to the memory of Ronald Wilson Reagan, the second greatest President our nation has ever seen.
Chapter 1
Forever Shall You Soar, You Mighty Eagle
America is under constant attack by forces within. Like Satan, our enemies come in many different forms and wear many different veils of deception. But luckily for us, picking them out in the vast sea of American politics is a relatively simple task once you know what to look for. They are the ones who engage in vicious Bush bashing and spew traitorous venom at the administration and the neoconservative ideoglogy. They criticize this President's God-approved War on Terror, as well as his similarly wonderful domestic policies. They have all kinds of deceptive names for themselves, but I prefer to call them the elites, traitors, communists, and terrorists, because that's what they are. They hate freedom, they hate democracy, and they hate this country. They're part of a deadly non-Christian cult that thirsts for the divine blood of good neoconservative patriots and their children. They love sacrificing cute domestic animals to their idols and committing ritualistic suicide while they curse America and partake in unnatural penetration of the anus. And these are the people who are taking over America.
For far too long, these communist terrorists have tried to control your lives! Their presence has been like a poison that has slowly liquified the innards of America: our constitution, our freedom, our nuclear weapons, our right to own guns and shoot traitors. They are trying to drag our culture down into the crackhouses that they frequent oh so often. And it's getting more and more difficult to respond to them because they're dragging political debate down into similar depths. They respond to logic and facts with childish name calling and personal insults. They hate America and they love committing treason whenever they can. The time has come for us to take a stand against this new gestapo's attack on our great nation!
Among their many betrayals, their stance on national security is one of the greatest. These traitors don't want us to defend our country. All throughout the 1990's, they voted to cut funding on all kinds of cool new weapons that we could've used to blast the shit out of anything that moved in the Middle East. Eventually we would have gotten Osama bin Laden and prevented 9/11! Not only that, we also could've reduced the entire Middle East to a smoldering pile of towels, mustaches, and small penises, effectively curing a huge part of our terrorist epidemic. But these elite Jesus-hating communists made sure that never happened. They hate it when we defend outselves. They'd much rather we just keel over and let the terrorists destroy us. They also wanted Hitler to win.
It's almost as if the very soil of France broke up into millions of tiny people and secretly bum-rushed our country. But all kidding aside, you have to admit, our elites sure do sound a lot like the French. To think that those French bastards had the nerve to try to tell us that we were wrong. Maybe they're just jealous of our ability to actually win wars! When was the last time France bombed the shit out of something? Hell, when was the last time they launched any kind of successful military operation? I can't think of anything. Meanwhile, we're bombing countries into primordial goo. We can kill more people by looking at a country than France could with all of its bombs put together. Our Gross National Penis Size is looking mighty long compared to France's. I say we take over their country and rename it "Freedom," just for the fuck of it. Just imagine us, with our vastly superior military muscle, going up against them, with their penchant for surrendering and woman-like men. No contest. But hey, don't feel too bad, France. You used to be a decent country. Just cling to that memory of your former glory and maybe it'll help ease the sense of shame you feel as you watch your manhood wilt away into permanent flaccidity.
The really scary part is that these traitors here in our own country actually hate us even more than the French do. Their refusal to increase our military spending and fight terrorism was bound to have serious consequences, and on September 11, 2001, the result of their treason was played out. That day showed us that there are people out there who are determined to see our way of life destroyed, and that if we don't bomb fucking everything, they will win. And now we live in a state of fear, constantly worried that the next big attack might be lurking right around the corner. And we should! Those terrorists could strike at any minute of any day. In fact, if anything, we're not nearly scared enough. There are probably terrorists living right next door to you, just waiting for the chance to strap on a bomb and blow up your neighborhood! 9/11 was nothing compared to what these guys are truly capable of. They have bombs that can engulf three whole states in flames! They have chemical weapons that they can use to contaminate our water! There is a very real possibility that the next time you drink water, your organs will melt! Unless we hunt these animals down now they will completely destroy our entire country with their weapons of mass destruction! We need to stay the course if we intend to preserve our way of life. These people who said that we shouldn't have gone into Iraq should be shot on sight for their treason. Those soldiers went over their to defend our freedom. If they hadn't gone to Iraq, our nation would've crumbled. To suggest otherwise is to hate our troops.
No one said our War on Terror would be easy. But ultimately, if we continue with our current foreign policy, I believe that we will prevail. Why? Because God is on our side. These Islamic bastards think that they're doing God's work, but that's nonsense. We are the ones God likes, not them! Our good Christian nation is in a holy war with these satanists! They worship a false idol fueled by hatred of freedom, hatred of life, and a love of communists. But we're different. Our God is a God of love, nonviolence, and democracy, and our God could kick their god's ass. Our God could eat their god and shit him out all over their pathetic country in a hailstorm of unhallowed giblets. And that's exactly what He's going to do through His temporal agent, George W. Bush. I believe President Bush when he says that God told him to strike at Iraq. God put Bush here to fight a crusade in His name and in our name. And any non-treasonous American should be damn proud to have a President chosen by God.
God has spoken to me, too. He tells me to sit out on my front porch every day with my rifle and blow the cocks off commies. Every car I see drive by without an American flag bumper sticker is going to get a fuel tank full of holes. It is your duty as an American to have our flag somewhere on your car, post 9/11. To not do so is to appear weak in the eyes of the terrorists. And it is my duty to teach you appreciation for your country with a very educational bullet to the head if you don't. No one drives by my house anymore. These communist traitors know that I'm on to them and they're scared shitless. If every good American could only do the same, we'd take a major step towards purifying this country. I urge all patriotic Americans to show your support for this country by driving a pick-up truck covered in as many American flags as you can fit on there while blasting Ted Nugent with the windows down. Because if you don't, I'll kill you.
Our President and his country deserves all the support we can muster for the beautiful things he's trying to do. The War on Terror is the single greatest mission ever attempted by a human being, and for that, he is our greatest President. But I'm not just some mindless robot who blindy swallows everything the administration and its supporters say while ignoring their flaws. I am perfectly willing to (respectfully) disagree with something the President does if I believe it to be wrong. I found myself doing just that when I heard the President's response to the abuse at Abu Ghraib prison. If Bush has made a single mistake during his Presidency, it was apologizing to the families of those prisoners who were tortured. I have an enormous amount of respect for President Bush, but these sub-human animals don't deserve an apology! Did you see that tape of Nick Berg having his head cut off? That alone was reason enough to torture, rape, and kill those prisoners! Even the vast majority of them who were completely innocent! They may not have been terrorists, but they were potential terrorists. In my book, that's no different from the real thing. And besides, these ungrateful brown people have no right to complain if we blow off a little steam at their expense. After all, we liberated them from Saddam Hussein. I have little doubt in my mind that when they lie down to go to sleep, they fold their hands and thank their false god that their balls are being shocked by benevolent freedom-loving Americans, and not by Saddam's brutal oppresive regime.
America is the greatest country in the world and New York is the greatest city in the world. I know this is true and I've never even been to New York. But on the 11th of September, 2001, when I saw that airliner crash into the second tower, I thought, "Damn, that's a great city." America's greatness is impossible to deny. We enjoy freedoms that the rest of the world only wishes it could offer it's citizens. We can put on white socks or black socks. We can go to McDonalds or Burger King. We can use Microsoft Windows XP Home Edition or Windows XP Professional Edition. We can walk down the street any time we want and deposit money in a 24 hour ATM. No one else in the world enjoys these freedoms that we have! And these Bush/God-bashing terrorists, outside the U.S. and within, are trying to take it all away from us! Unless we kill every single one of these bastards, our entire civilization will come crashing down around our ears. I am determined not to let that happen, and I ask that all good patriotic Americans join me in my crusade.
I hope you enjoyed this preview of my upcoming book. There will be over 400 pages of this stuff in the full book, so if you liked this, be sure to pick it up when it comes out. Until then, God bless you, and God bless America.
