Broken X23: People are constantly aging and we find ourselves with more and more old people that we have to deal with every day. What do we do with them? I honestly don't know the best solution, but I do know one thing: We have way too many old people running around on our streets and the sooner we do something about them the better.
RealityMeltdown:What? Old people are essential to our society! Without their constant criticism, normal functioning people would have no idea what they were doing wrong! Image being unsure wether you are too skinny, and thus never able to find yourself a man! Old people enable us to know! Old people are also key members of society, singlehandedly keeping the apple sauce and bingo industries thriving into the future! Even when the depths of September 11th struck, and our factories and economy ground to a halt, old people were there, having forgot the tragedy and already hungry. Hungry for apple sauce and bingo.
Broken X23: We need old people about as much as we need people who leave their blinkers on for hours at a time and drive 25 mph on the freeway. Oh wait! We already have those. They're called old people. But yeah, you're right, they're real essential. After all, without them Matlock would've been nothing more than a footnote in television history. We also wouldn't have a demographic for all those soap operas and we all know how much humanity needs those. And I just love hearing a 76 year old call up on a radio talk show and talk about his problems getting the erection he needs to have sex with his 80 year old wife. I always thought your sex organs would've turned into dust by the time you reach that age, but thank you Mr. Senior Citizen, for freeing me of my ignorance.
RealityMeltdown: Jane, you ignorant slut. Think of all the thigns that would go unchecked without old people! Traffic would be 20mph faster, people would run. Without a steady dose of complaints from all the world's glorious ancients, people would just walk around thinking the world's great. They'd think they should be able to run and skip and enjoy going to school. They'd never know that walking to school used to take 2 hours and required walking over jagged glass in their bare feet. People wouldn't know that they were whippersnappers, or were using a dohickey, or that in someone else's day, things were done right. Without old people, we'd be as ignorant about the past as we are about the present, and nobody wants that. We'd never know about how bad things sucked then. They sucked so bad that to make up for it, we have to give our seniors the best in medication. Old limpy guy raving in your chair, this Viagra's for you. Your friends didn't die in World War Two so we could ignore them, they died so you could get your medication and sleep for nineteen hours a day.
Broken X23: Some things should go unchecked. We don't need the elderly offering disapproving commentary on every aspect of modern life. Have you ever sat down with an old person for any length of time? I did once and he spit on me! Granted he was also mentally retarded, but I'm sure his age had something to do with it too. I think we need to start checking them. One of the solutions to this problem that I'm in favor of is sending everyone to an old folks farm as soon as they hit 50. There they can stare a trees, birds, and other uninteresting wildlife, tell stories about how they invented the cat, and talk about how old they were when they first forgot what their name was. Then we could hire a couple actors to masquerade as their kids and go visit them. It's not like they'd know the difference. We could get middle aged southerners named Fern to feed them baby food, pass out medication, change their diapers after an "accident," and smoke. That'd work perfectly. We could rest easy knowing they're safe and happy and never have to worry about being stuck behind one of them in traffic or being clotheslined by a cane again.
RealityMeltdown: Old people have the right to cane whomever they want! When some kid is smart mouthing their parents, you don't get angry when they beat some sense into them, hell, you cheer them on, throwing roses and 1 dollar bills into the ring. You place bets on the Big Man over little Johnny. And when enough money is raised, magic happens. So, in the same way, udner the same priciples, an old man has the right to beat hapless strangers who stumble into their lawn, wether that lawn be a wooden plank, or apublic swimming pool. They have the right to defend their turf, just like the defended agaisnt the swarms of Nazi's and Communists. Not to mention the simple sales. Add it up. The medication, the denture cream, the respirator. The mashed food? A blender and vegtables. Man-sized diapers? All add up to big bucks for our under 50 crowd. Senior citizen discounts are earned, my friend. And once they buy something, they forget they own it, haplessly spending a spiral from their old, formerly untouched accounts. All those years of being a stingy jerk finally pay off when they forget where they are, and so must buy a RV to travel to places they can't recognize or remember and gradually coat our country in a shinign crystal magical trail of money, also known as liquid happiness. And most importantly, they're the only crowd that actually votes. If you try and pass legislature against them, they'll show up in force, remembering the days when Mack paid them 3 whole dollars to vote 7 times for Dewey. Nobody votes like the vetrans and the venerably old.
Broken X23: I didn't actually read the majority of your response so I'm just going to say this: It is true that old people do keep the bingo board, vegetable juice, and diaper companies from failing, and they do dish out some well deserved criticism to a lot of our dumbass youth. However, that doesn't quite make up for all the war stories I've heard that involve flying shoelaces and magic beans. Some may say that we shouldn't be so hard on them because they can't help it and that we'll be old someday too, but that's bullshit. Me? Old? Yeah right. Heavy metal forever!
RealityMeltdown: What? The fucking magic beans are coming, jackass. And when those flying shoelaces carry the worthy to heaven, you'll be wishing you listened. Because you don't know the special knot. And you'll be left here to be ravaged and decimated by the beans. And what will that say about you and your loud music? That you're old. Old, ugly men.
