Reality Meltdown
- 11/03/02
So, anyway, I'm going to get another bowl of cereal. And there I am, spooning in another scoop of fruit loops when I suffer from an ephiphany. I satoried all over the floor. And ran back to my table.
I discovered the SECRET TRUTH of cereal. The forbidden knowledge of good and evil as contianed in cereal was understood by me, and me alone.
Everyone at the table thought I was nuts. Well, okays, by everyone I mean the two people I cornered. I only got two, because most of the others I aimed that knowing gleam of cereal duality ran faster than I do and also were able to make it to the door. But, those two, cowering in the corner and pleading for their lives... they were imparted with the plot I will unfold before you.
Now, so when I was picking out my cereal, i must ahve noticed the mascots. Look at them. With the rare exclusion of Tony the Tiger, and possibly the Trix rabbit, they're ALL short. Sure, Toucan Sam isn't ever promoted as a midgit, but it's a BIRD! It's gotta be small. Why are they putting midgits on cereal boxes?
They want people to associate these creatures with the food they eat! So that subliminally, you'll think "those cook midgits" with every bite of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. But why?
They want you to eat midgits.
So Bob K. Evil, and Thievus Darkheartus, the executive bastards who created this widespread consipracy agaisnt our shorter and harder to see breathren began this in an evil plan. Their demonic plan has spread around the globe, touching cereal bowl after cereal bowl.
Perhaps they did this originally to remove unwanted employees, who were harder to spot. Perhaps an unwanted admirer who had yet to top five feet. But, perhaps, also, it was simply sheer madness upon an unsuspecting mass!
The brutality of these cereals is immense. "They're after my lucky charms", no wonder this leprechuan runs from those kids, they're going to mutilate his genitals! And that Trix rabit, crossdresses AND wins EVERY competition, and STILL! Still his only dream of cerela is ruined by vengeful midgits! You empahize with him to destory them! Destroy them all!
