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April 2003
Reality Meltdown
Low Urinals
Every man knows what a urinal is. For all ignorant women, it's this trough thing found in mens restrooms. We keep soap in it. Because a man needs soap. This is the best soap in a public restroom. Use it often. It's often blue, and kinda cakey.
Anyway, most urinals are on the level. They don't try and steal 50 bucks out of your wallet through crafty use of a baseball bat. No, they steal from you and TELL you. But some... some are jenky. I cannot stand having to piss in a urinal below my waist. The full length urinals, stretching to, and being part of the floor are fine, because they're meant to be that way, and you piss down into them. But an average, floating-on-the-wall urinal is a diffrent story. If the top edge is below my waist, the damn thing is retarded. Like it's made only for midgets and small children! I feel like I'm pissing on my shoes. It's disgusting. I hate low urinals.
Broken X23's Enemy of the Week:
The New THX Sequence
I probably shouldn't call it "new" at this point but I can't think of an easier way to describe it. It's the one where the logo "breaks down" and the little robot comes in to fix it. It's supposed to be cute or funny or... I really don't know. I can't possibly think of what they were trying to accomplish with it. It's embarrassing to watch and I've never heard anyone laugh at it or anything. All it does is further delay the showing of whatever movie you're there to see. I guess what they could be doing is trying to show off their fancy graphics and audio capabilities. But what happens in 10 years when we've moved way beyond that and that little robot looks like one of the characters from the original Virtua Fighter? They'll probably just come up with something that's even longer.
Reality Meltdown
Freedom Fries
Due to the political situation, everyone hates France. I mean, why shouldn't we hate the france? But now, it's not hating the french for being snooty and their women for being hairy; it's for whatever oil deal they had with Iraq. And so, we've begun a war with France.
Not a war of words, although I'm sure this wages on.
Not a war of bombs and tanks, because only Iraq gets that attention right now.
No, this war is far more stupidous.
Yes, I meant to spell it that way.
Basically, in a retalitory gesture agaisnt the French, some congressional cafeteria has renamed French Fries to "Freedom Fries". That'll show the french government not to disagree with us. I mean, renaming a food they didn't even invent will make them love us again! They;ve revolutionized the way food represents politics, by changing the negtive "french" into the positive "freedom". And if the the English show us any lip? It'll be Freedom Muffins! And for the children, the hated Brocolli can become "Sadam Sticks", teaching them from an early age to hate the worlds foremost dictator.
Broken X23's Enemy of the Week:
"Love it or leave it"
Since Meltdown's decided to try and sound smart by commenting on politics, I have to do the same now. Talking about how much I hate disposable cameras after something like that would make me look lame and out of touch. Thanks a lot, asshole.
Whoever decided that the "it" in "love it or leave it" should refer to our country is a douchebag. Now more than half the people who support the war effort are using this phrase. I'm not going to argue about whether the war was a good thing or a bad thing right now, but I will say that if you support it, do not use this phrase. It's just an oversimplified cliche. Sure it may be easy to remember and fun to say, but it really is bullshit. Just because someone doesn't agree with all of the governments actions does not mean they hate the country and it certainly isn't worth going through all the trouble to move to another one over. If you believe that the government is doing the wrong thing, wouldn't it be better to try and do something about it rather than just accept it or leave the country? In most cases, if someone spoke out against the war, it simply means that they thought the government was making a bad choice and wanted to prevent them from doing so. It doesn't mean they're "anti-American" and it doesn't mean they "love dictatorships."
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