Wrong Shui Astrology
Look & c what u r!
YEAR OF THE THE SHRUB: 1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996 YEAR OF THE COCKROACH: 1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997 YEAR OF THE MACAROON: 1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998 YEAR OF THE GROUT: 1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999 YEAR OF THE ARTICHOKE: 1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000 YEAR OF THE WINDBREAKER: 1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001 YEAR OF THE HALIBUT: 1918, 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002 YEAR OF THE FLANGE: 1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003 YEAR OF THE MUMP: 1908, 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992 YEAR OF THE MALIBU: 1909, 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993 YEAR OF THE NIMBUS: 1910, 1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994 YEAR OF THE CUTLERY TRAY INSERT: 1911, 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995
Ok now that u kno what u r.. c what it says bout ya!
SHRUB Shrubs are, for the most part, dull people. They are best suited to drab clothes and sheltered positions. However, once a year, they will say or do something interesting. When they do they will want admiration and praise far in excess of what is deserved. But if all you can manage is an "Oooh, that's nice," don't worry. Shrubs will settle for this level of mild acknowledgement. Shrubs are reliable and they know their place. COCKROACH No one likes cockroaches. Even other cockroaches avoid the company of a cockroach. They are wriggly characters who scurry about scaring small children. They are also very good at spreading rumors. If gossip is a perennial problem at your workplace, find out if any of your colleagues are cockroaches and confront them with your suspicions. Cockroaches should be watched carefully at all times. They should never be left alone with cake. The plus points of cockroaches are that they are good at hiding and will survive after a nuclear war. MACAROON On first meeting, macaroons seem lovely. They have a pleasingly solid exterior and a healthy complexion. However, when you get to know them better you will discover that they have a soft, malleable interior, and encounters with them leave a sweet, cloying taste in the mouth. For this reason macaroons seem to excel in all areas of PR. It is worth noting that macaroons operate best in closed environments because if they are exposed to air or the harsh realities of the world for any length of time they go soggy. The Reform Party contains lots of macaroons. GROUT Grouts (or groutings as classic Wrong Shui traditionally describes them) are even more unappealing than shrubs. They are the least exciting people you could ever hope to meet. Having said that, the groutings serve a vital purpose in society. They help to stick things together. They are the people who work unobtrusively behind the scenes to bind diverse humanity into a coherent whole. For this reason grouts make good interpreters, marriage guidance counselors, and waiters. ARTICHOKE Artichokes are odd characters. They don't fit in. They also tend to worry the rest of the world. Not many people know how to deal with them. Not many people want to. For this reason artichokes are often ignored. However, if you can find a way through an artichoke's spiky exterior, you will find a surprisingly tender heart. Eeyore was an artichoke. Artichokes are scared of melted butter. WINDBREAKER Windbreakers are very practical people. They are exceedingly protective of their loved ones. Windbreakers make excellent parents. They are less desirable as lovers. A windbreaker's idea of romance will often be a long walk and a packed lunch. But if you find yourself rocked by the storms of life, a windbreaker makes an excellent companion. Windbreakers rarely amount to anything much in their chosen careers, but they can always be relied on to hand out a peppermint patty in a crisis. HALIBUT Halibuts are excitable, intempetious individuals. As such they totally lack judgment and perspective. Life for a halibut is one long endless succession of opportunities. Halibuts should never be given any position of responsibility. You should even think twice about giving them positions of irresponsibility. Despite this, every company should employ at least one halibut to balance out the doleful accumulated influence of shrubs and grouts. Never go into business with a halibut. However, an affair would be interesting. FLANGE Flanges are very hard to describe. They tend to be quite sloppy and they rarely persevere at anything. In certain light conditions, around dawn and dusk, they can disappear completely. There is also something indefinitely sexual about everything they do or say. If you meet someone and have a dubious feeling as to just how appropriate the underwear they're wearing is, chances are that they are flanges. Avoid them at all costs at office parties. MUMP Among the main attributes of mumps is the ability to endanger mild irritation in everyone they meet. Mumps also tend to be quite childish in their outlook. Mumps will insist, when you go out for a meal in a group, on only paying for precisely what they've eaten. Mumps have few friends. And the friends mumps do have don’t actually like them-they just haven’t gotten around to passing on the information. Mumps are also highly infectious. Spend any length of time in the company of a mump and by the next morning you, too, will be a mump. However, if you hung around with a mump as a child, you are probably immune to their mumpery. MALIBU Malibus are hopelessly unhip. Unfortunately, in their own minds, they are the very essence of the world trendy. They even use the word trend to describe themselves in the personal ads they are forever composing. Malibus like to think of themselves as the life and soul of the party. Even if there isn't a party. And if you finally convince them that there isn't a party going on, they'll only invite you to "the party in my pants!!!" (Malibus always use exclamation marks when they speak. Also when they think.) Most malibus are men. Female malibus are scary beyond words. Never let a Malibu start a conversation with a flange. NIMBUS Nimbi are large fluffy people with a large fluffy attitude about life. For them everything is a blue sky. They are welcoming and friendly and see good in everyone. For this reason nimbi are easily defrauded and are often passed over for promotion. Nimbi are also very good at avoiding confrontations, floating away whenever they detect "something in the air." Indeed was it not the sublime Kate Adie who remarked to an admiring grocery store clerk that, "when nimbi quit a country, I'm on the first plane out of there, baby." CUTLERY TRAY INSERT People born in the year of the cutlery tray insert tend to be very anal-retentive. For them everything has a place, and everything should be in its place. Leave even a hair out of place in the environs of a cutlery tray insert and they'll be down on you like a ton of bricks. An exceedingly neatly stacked ton of bricks. These people tend to be vociferous defenders of the status quo. They also actually keep gloves in the glove compartments of their cars. Never marry a cutlery tray insert. Your life will be intolerable. And any children you have will grow up to be serial killers.
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ISBN: 0-7407-0475-3 / 0740704753
Title: The Little Book of Wrong Shui:
How to Drastically Improve Your Life by Basically Moving Stuff Around
Author: Rohan Candappa
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
