’WPCĮ  9SÉeł5µ˜-A Įŗåś».äņ 0m„ŅĘśžT’å±.":üšŅq!+uĒp{Gģė’tu½R“ŃŅ*Ļ‚°Øėœ‡āR¬ņpn»bé‡ńŹ"‚F5žģor‹ĒY`šļĮĢp͘Wēę~VāźD Ż‚Fu“[»ō OņāƒP›ŪkGŗ“ó9ėØMc‰?}ć°©† j<[‹ņć9‰-°ēĻ2Ī=ĒļoāƉĵ…d4°i‚œX„¤4‘ĮœSlņ£9Gķ˜ ~ēßĢż ¤ …Ś–‚"vCpīDiÜüÆ%BzlšLęŗgNŚsŠ 1ä¾hŹKŸ>!¦ēµœåņ1ncŅ<\ņ“¹)“Ė’G¶¬ęXŪĒo#°0Ę^Ͱqų,÷ō 8Z»0䬔)æŪ^ūcöY™żīe–ųh¶öŪ”æ³ą”ō5łŻķÓĻøé}…ć q›ļVdWZ–Iü RsN*Įmlg›H”Įa׆ĶŪØo‚§²©ų±=ƒO¶Õžk?µHR8Æøń#l>VæKļŌ‡0v $#!ųUN %g 0(m•w|4-< m>UJ:U- 0N¼b UNb\UB`UF¢UFčččU>. 0Dl>°īb N  ^ ! 0D- - - -q #ž ˜Brother HL-1030 series,Č,,,,,Č0(  Z‹6Times New Roman RegularX($”” “µ¶U·Uø»¼½¾æĄĮDĀĆÄEÅĘĒEČÉs“+h…3|xÉ}’U‹’ĄĄĄ,{č”AZ‹"Arial Regular #Ń#€ä€X’’d#Ń(ĶO$——Ō’ŌņņóóŌ’Ō ł#ūģ‘Z ‹6AmericanText BT Regular ł9Ą\OZ‹*Bertram LET Plain<rl 9Z+‹.Courier New Regular;wF˜”Z‹.Broadway BT Regular7pJŸZ‹&Boink LET Plain(3Æ$ŖŖŻ ƒ!ŻŻ  Żmailto:is!daffodil@screech.com Ń € Ń ł Ń ` ŃÓ1?,c(3Æ$§§Ż ƒ!ŻŻ  Ż #Ń#€ä€X’’d#Ń Ń  ŃŃ € ŃŻ ƒ!ŻŻ  ŻŌ_Ōѝ°Ńѝ°ŃҰŅŅ°ŅŃ€"dŃŌ€ X2mXXXŌŃ€ŃŃ€ dŃŃ€'TŃŃ€#‰aŃŃ8€I`XXdģdČ8ŃŃ€0bŃĢĢĢĢĢņ ņÓ  ÓŌ‡X5 XX X2mŌŌ‡ =ˆ!XX5 ŌÓ3³ÓÓ3³ÓThe€Ō#†   ˜!! =ˆ2#ŌŌ‡ )Ž !!  ˜ŌCrazyŌ#†   ˜! ! )Ž»#Ō€Ō‡ ŌŌ !!  ˜ŌThatŌ#†   ˜! ! ŌŌ#Ō€Ō‡ ³i !!  ˜ŌHappensó óŌ#†X#/X ! ³iQ#ŌŌ#† X2mXXX#/J#ŌŠ 9 œ ŠÓ&ÓĢĢĢĢĢĢÓ3³‚Óą [ ąŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌSometimes€crazy€stuff€happens€and€then€sometimes€it€doesnššt.€€Sometimes€you€can€goŠ €  Šthrough€a€whole€week€without€having€anything€really€amazing€or€interesting€happen,€and€thenĻsome€weeks€are€weeks€from€hell„„you€have€a€ton€of€homework,€tests,€quizzes,€your€lab€partnerššsĻgot€chicken€pox,€and€your€parents€just€killed€your€allowance€to€help€pay€for€the€dent€in€the€fenderĻof€their€new€car.€€Maybe€you€donššt€have€a€lab€partner€and€you€canššt€even€drive€yet„„that€doesnšštĻmatter.€€It€doesnššt€matter€what€you€look€like,€or€what€school€you€go€to,€or€who€you€hang€out€with.€ĻAll€that€matters€right€now„„as€your€eyes€go€from€line€to€line„„is€that€sometimes€crazy€stuffĻhappens€and€then€sometimes€it€doesnššt.€Ģņ ņĢHEREššS€THE€SCENEó ó:€€Party€after€prom.€€Middle„class€suburbia€in€a€house.€€Š   ŠĢą [ ąThis€is€someoneššs€house,€but€most€of€the€kids€here€donššt€know€whose„„and€they€donšštĻcare.€€Thatššs€just€something€that€happens€sometimes.€€You€go€to€a€party€at€someoneššs€house,Ļspill€all€kinds€of€stuff€on€the€floor,€puke€in€the€tub,€watch€your€friends€pour€malt€liquor€in€the€fishĻtank€and€then€you€go€home€without€even€knowing€where€youššve€been.€€Sure,€maybe€not€ņņyouóóŠ  "n( Šspecifically,€but€that€doesnššt€matter.€€Nor€does€it€matter€whose€house€this€is,€why€no€adults€areĻaround,€or€how€these€kids€got€a€hold€of€two€kegs€and€some€bottles€of€liquor.€€All€that€matters€isĻthat€crazy€stuff€is€happening€right€now€and€youššre€watching.Ģņ ņĢMAIN€CHARACTERSó ó:€Š }(ą#2 ŠÓ3³ÓCarvi€Macaroniš!š17,€fast„food€worker,€bored€with€extra„Ō_ŌcurricularsŌ_Ō,€has€a€huge€crush€on€WesĻŌ_ŌPudinskiŌ_Ō,€went€to€prom€with€Wes€and€did€not€have€fun.€€Normal€height,€normal€weight,€longĻbrown€hair€she€wears€in€a€braid€most€of€the€time.ĢŠ ,s'7 ŠWes€Ō_ŌPudinskiŌ_Ōš!š17,€plays€baseball,€uses€Carvi€when€he€needs€to,€does€not€learn€from€mistakes.€ĻTall,€€muscular,€short€red€hair,€wears€ball€cap€wherever€he€goes,€left€ear€pierced.ĢĢTony€Verdeš!š16,€a€good€friend€to€have,€sensitive/caring€guy,€has€poster€of€Christina€Ō_ŌAguileraŌ_Ō€onĻhis€bedroom€ceiling,€parents€killed€by€drunk€driver.€€Average€height,€six„pack€gut,€cocoa€skin,€hairĻlong€enough€for€girls€to€run€hands€through.ĢĢMichelle€Ō_ŌDuphopolousŌ_Ōš!š17,€almost€18,€on€dance€team€at€school,€parents€are€loaded€with€dough.€ĻShort,€good€build,€medium€length€dark€hair€that€is€very€curly,€tongue€ring.ĢÓ3³N ÓĢņ ņNOT„SO„MAIN€CHARACTERSó ó:€€Twenty„three€other€high€school€teens.Š £   ŠĢą [ ąCarvi€has€been€smoking€for€six€months€now.€€She€steals€packs€of€cigarettes€from€herĻfatherššs€stash€in€the€kitchen€pantry.€€At€night,€she€touches€herself€and€thinks€of€Wes€being€on€topĻof€her.€€Wes€does€not€know€this€and€she€will€not€tell€him.€€She€wonššt€tell€anyone,€not€even€herĻbest€friend€Michelle.€€Wes€has€this€thing€about€himself€that€boils€down€to€him€thinking€that€heššsĻbetter€at€most€things€than€he€really€is.€€Heššs€a€pretty€good€short„stop,€thatššs€about€it.€€SometimesĻhis€acne€gets€out€of€control€and€he€feels€insecure€so€he€runs€to€Carvi€for€some€affection.€€SheĻalways€gives€it€to€him.€€€The€guy€has€been€treating€her€this€way€for€two€years€now„„ever€sinceĻthey€broke€up€after€five€months€of€going€out€for€a€pizza€and€to€a€movie.€€€Even€though€heššll€denyĻthis€if€you€ask€him,€he€broke€up€with€Carvi€because€she€wouldnššt€have€sex€with€him.€€BUT...sheĻstill€digs€him€so€thatššs€that.Ģą [ ąThe€only€reason€Carvi€is€at€this€party€is€because€sheššs€a€push„over.€€Michelle€talked€herĻinto€coming€tonight„„and€Wes€wanted€to€come,€too.€€Carvi€Macaroni€hates€her€last€name€andĻused€to€get€teased€when€she€was€a€chunky€little€girl.€€Two€years€ago€Wes€told€her€to€lose€moreĻweight€so€she€stopped€eating€three€times€a€day.€€She€cut€it€down€to€once€a€day€and€startedĻexercising€whenever€she€had€a€free€minute.€€Walking€two€miles€before€school€then€jogging€twoĻmiles€after€school€became€her€daily€routine.€€When€school€got€out€for€the€summer,€she€wouldĻwatch€television€on€her€stationary€bike€and€ride€fifteen€or€twenty€miles€a€day.€€On€top€of€that,€sheĻwas€taking€a€diarrhetic€three€times€a€week,€throwing€up€the€food€she€just€ate,€and€lying€to€herĻparents€when€they€asked€about€all€the€fast€food€bags€in€the€trash.€€Carvi€would€tell€them€that€sheĻhad€her€friends€over€sometime€during€the€day.€€Then€she€got€really€sick€and€was€admitted€to€theĻhospital€for€a€week.€€Sheššd€lost€thirty€pounds€too€fast€and€her€body€couldnššt€handle€it.€€She€wasĻdehydrated€and€way€too€thin€to€be€healthy.€€€Ģą [ ąAfter€twenty„one€counseling€sessions€and€a€healthy€diet,€Carvi€has€gained€back€fourteenŠ @+£&; Špounds.€€And€she€still€rides€her€stationary€bike€five€times€a€week€for€exercise.€€Crazy€stuffĻhappens€sometimes,€and€Carvi€still€liking€Wes€is€crazy.€€Right€now,€she€and€Wes€are€in€theĻkitchen€eating€pretzels.€€Wes€has€a€cup€of€beer€and€is€looking€for€a€way€to€ditch€Carvi.Ģą [ ąMichelle€Ō_ŌDuphopolousŌ_Ō€went€to€the€prom€with€her€kind„of€boyfriend,€but€he€isnššt€at€thisĻparty€because€he€has€church€tomorrow.€€So€she€came€to€the€party€with€Tony,€Wes,€and€Carvi.€ĻTony€never€asked€a€date€to€the€prom€but€went€alone€and€had€a€blast.€€He€danced€with€all€the€girlsĻwho€had€boyfriends€afraid€to€cut€loose€and€jam€with€their€friends.€€Tony€told€the€girls€they€hadĻŌ_ŌwussŌ_Ō€boyfriends.€€While€at€the€prom,€he€thought€that€he€might€get€lucky€later€on€because€heššsĻwhat€the€girls€call€a€Ō_ŌhottieŌ_Ō€without€being€a€real€Ō_ŌhottieŌ_Ō.€€That€just€means€that€heššs€got€a€sweetĻsmile,€good€manners,€charm,€and€a€tight€butt.€€Heššs€not€like€Wes,€Mr.€Ō_ŌHunkymanŌ_Ō,€but€heššs€gotĻother€stuff€to€offer€the€ladies€and€they€know€it.€€Ģą [ ąMichelle,€unlike€Carvi,€likes€her€last€name,€and€she€is€a€tad€bit€more€secure€with€herselfĻthan€her€best€friend.€€Instead€of€a€thumb€on€her€left€hand€she€has€a€nub,€but€it€doesnššt€bother€her„¼„she€was€born€like€this.€€Michelle€has€been€experimenting€with€inhalants€at€home€as€a€way€to€getĻa€quick€buzz.€€Dying€from€the€experimentation€has€never€crossed€her€mind.€€Some€kids€areĻsmoking€pot€around€the€side€of€the€house€right€now.€€But€sheššs€not€with€them.€€Sheššs€with€Tony€onĻthe€couch€and€his€hand€is€touching€the€side€of€her€thigh,€and€he€is€so€turned€on€by€her€tan€legs.€ĻMichelle€wore€a€very€short,€tight,€red€dress€to€the€prom,€but€now€sheššs€wearing€a€pair€of€cut„offĻjeans€with€a€gold€top.€€And€Tonyššs€got€on€his€favorite€blue€cargo€pants€with€a€gray€Ō_ŌAdidasŌ_Ō€T„shirt.€ĻNasty€thoughts€are€running€through€his€head€right€now€but€Michelle€has€no€clue.Ģą [ ąTony€is€really€good€at€math€and€he€really€digs€his€math€teacher,€Ms.€Pepper.€€Heššs€theĻteacherššs€pet€and€he€loves€it.€€More€than€anything€he€wants€to€be€a€math€teacher,€and€he€studiesĻhis€butt€off€so€he€can€get€into€either€Stanford,€Duke,€or€Penn€State.€€Michelle€gets€her€highestĻgrades€in€Technological€Advancements€of€the€New€Millennium.€€Chatting€on„line€with€boys€fromĻother€countries€is€what€sheššs€mostly€into.€€€A€boy€in€Rome,€whom€she€chats€with€on€a€regularĻbasis,€is€teaching€her€little€bits€of€Italian€that€she€practices€each€night€before€going€to€bed.€€€AndĻMichelle€keeps€her€home„page€up„to„date€with€the€details€of€recent€dates,€what€happened€on€thatĻweekššs€episode€of€ņņPopularóó€and€ņņDawsonššs€Creekóó„„that€sort€of€stuff.€€Lots€of€girls€hit€on€her€page€toŠ ’&b"6 Šget€the€scoop€on€certain€guys.€€Michelle€is€still€a€virgin,€but€also€a€flirt.€€Though€she€never€comesĻright€out€and€says€sheššs€slept€with€any€certain€guy,€she€doesnššt€mind€embellishing€a€bit€about€herĻdates.Ģą [ ąMichelle€and€Tony€are€getting€cozy€on€the€couch.€€Right€now€Tony€would€love€to€make€aŠ ,'> Šmove€on€Michelle€even€though€he€knows€that€heššd€get€shot€down.€€The€way€she€smells€is€drivingĻhim€crazy€and€he€really€likes€the€way€she€talks€to€any€and€everyone.€€It€never€crosses€her€mindĻthat€Tony€is€turned€on€because€they€have€been€close€friends€for€six€years.€€Michelle€stands€upĻand€stretches€her€arms€over€head,€exposing€a€tanned€belly.€€Tonyššs€eyes€stare.Ģą [ ąWes€is€talking€with€a€fellow€baseball€player€by€the€fireplace.€Destinyššs€Child€is€blaringĻfrom€the€stereo€speakers.€€Four€girls€are€dancing€in€a€circle€by€the€speakers€and€theyššre€singingĻloud.€€One€girl€looks€a€lot€like€Lucy€Liu.€€Wes€and€the€guy€heššs€talking€to€are€looking€at€the€girlsĻand€commenting€on€their€bodies,€marking€each€one€with€a€score€from€one€to€ten.€€The€reasonĻWes€knows€the€girl€with€the€tight€lavender€dress€is€a€ten€is€because€heššs€been€with€her€before.€ĻBack€in€February€they€had€unprotected€sex€in€the€band€room€at€school.€€One€week€later,€whenĻhis€pissing€got€unbearably€painful,€he€went€to€a€nearby€clinic€to€find€out€what€was€wrong.€€TurnsĻout€he€had€chlamydia€and€was€prescribed€some€pills€to€take€care€of€things.€€At€first,€Wes€wasĻreally€pissed€off€that€lavender„dress€girl€€gave€him€chlamydia,€but€after€talking€with€the€doctor,€heĻfound€out€that€she€probably€doesnššt€even€know€she€has€the€disease€because€the€symptoms€inĻgirls€can€take€years€to€show€up.€€Whatššs€crazy€is€that€Wes€never€told€the€girl€that€he€gotĻchlamydia€from€her.€€Ģą [ ąTwo€minutes€ago€Carvi€was€on€the€back€porch€trying€to€have€a€conversation€with€a€boyĻfrom€her€Spanish€class€but€he€kept€trying€to€kiss€her.€€His€name€in€class€is€Francisco€but€sheššsĻnot€sure€what€his€real€name€is.€€He€smelled€like€beer€and€cigar€and€Carvi€was€getting€sick€fromĻthe€smell.€€So€she€got€up€and€walked€to€the€line€outside€the€bathroom.€€The€girl€in€front€of€her€isĻtalking€to€her€friend€about€being€alone€with€the€guy€Wes€is€talking€to.€€Because€they€see€thatĻCarvi€is€standing€there,€they€donššt€say€any€more.€€Carvi€really€wants€to€go€home,€but€she€alsoĻwants€to€see€what€can€happen€with€Wes€a€little€later€on.€€She€canššt€get€him€out€of€her€head.Ģą [ ąThe€guy€that€Carvi€was€talking€to€on€the€porch€has€just€found€her€and€he€sweeps€herĻaway€into€the€dining€room.€€As€he€kisses€her€mouth€she€thinks€heššs€gross.€€Now€she€thinks€to€hellĻwith€Wes€and€she€gets€into€the€kissing.€€She€reaches€down€and€squeezes€this€kidššs€butt.€€A€returnĻsqueeze€is€given€and€Carvi€feels€good.€€Smiling€as€she€kisses€makes€the€whole€thing€even€moreĻawkward.€€His€braces€have€cut€her€lip.€€When€he€turns€to€puke€on€the€carpet,€Carvi€walks€away€toĻfind€Michelle.Ģą [ ąMichelle€is€not€on€the€couch€anymore.€€She€and€Tony€have€walked€outside€to€the€poolĻarea.€€Michelle€has€a€cup€of€beer€in€her€hand.€€She€really€doesnššt€like€beer,€but€sheššs€drinking€itĻanyway.€€The€same€kids€are€still€smoking€pot€on€the€side€of€the€house,€and€Michelle€and€Tony€goŠ ,z'> Šover.€€After€taking€a€hit,€she€passes€the€joint€to€Tony.€€He€declines€and€thatššs€cool€with€her.€€SoĻshe€passes€it€off€to€the€guy€who€brought€the€four€joints.€€The€party€has€been€going€on€for€an€hourĻand€already€this€is€the€third€joint€of€the€four.€€There€are€five€people€standing€with€Michelle€andĻTony€and€they€are€stoned€Ō_ŌstonedŌ_Ō€stoned,€laughing€and€carrying€on.€€One€of€the€guys€keepsĻlooking€over€his€shoulders.Ģą [ ąWes€is€in€the€upstairs€bathroom€with€a€girl€he€knows€from€school.€€Her€name€is€Lois€andĻsheššs€new€to€the€neighborhood.€€Sitting€on€the€counter€in€front€of€Wes,€she€lets€him€touch€herĻbare€breasts€while€they€kiss.€€Wes€has€an€erection€and€he€wants€to€do€something€about€that.€€HeĻpulls€Lois€from€the€counter€and€leads€her€into€the€adjoining€bedroom.€€They€take€turns€strip„¼teasing.€€Walking€to€lock€the€door,€Lois€trips€on€a€shoe€and€falls.€€But€Wes€doesnššt€ask€if€sheššsĻokay„„he€just€lies€there€and€laughs.€€€The€lights€are€off€and€they€are€on€the€floor€kissing€andĻgroping€each€other.€€Both€of€them€are€feeling€the€brunt€of€the€alcohol.€€€€On€top€of€Lois,€WesĻfumbles€around€for€a€few€moments€before€the€penetration€starts.Ģą [ ąTony€has€left€Michelle€with€those€five€other€guys€and€now€he€is€talking€with€a€very€tinyĻgirl.€€He€is€laughing€at€a€joke€she€just€told€him€and€he€touches€her€arms.€€That€horny€feelingĻreturns€to€Tonyššs€body€as€she€whispers€into€his€ear.€€He€pulls€the€girlššs€hand€to€his€lips€and€kissesĻit.€€Now€she€is€blushing€and€telling€him€that€heššs€sweet.€€Playing€this€girl€would€not€be€TonyššsĻstyle.€€He€really€likes€her€and€has€for€a€few€months.€€One€problem€Tony€has€is€that€he€likes€allĻkinds€of€girls€at€the€same€time.€€He€just€likes€to€experience€new€things€with€different€girls.€€ThatššsĻsomething€his€aunt€told€him€was€part€of€growing€up.Ģą [ ąSix€minutes€after€starting,€Lois€and€Wes€are€finished.€€€Here€they€come€downstairs.€€WesĻhas€a€big€hickey€on€his€neck.€€Just€as€he€rounds€the€corner,€Carvi€spots€him€and€flags€him€down.€ĻWhen€she€sees€the€mark€on€his€neck,€she€starts€kissing€him,€grabs€his€crotch,€and€he€yelpsĻbecause€itššs€still€a€bit€sensitive€from€the€action€upstairs.€€Carvi€doesnššt€care.€€She€keeps€grabbingĻand€grabbing.€€Wes€is€wondering€why€sheššs€being€so€aggressive.€€She€unbuttons€his€shorts€andĻpulls€them€down,€boxers€and€all.€€Wesššs€mouth€is€hanging€open.€€Three€guys€standing€close€byĻstart€laughing€and€yelling€at€Wes.€€Then€Carvi€turns€around€and€walks€away„„goes€to€sit€on€theĻcouch€and€is€offered€a€cup€of€beer.€€Knowing€that€she€does€not€handle€alcohol€well,€she€acceptsĻthe€beer€and€sits€with€a€girl€on€the€couch€drinking€away.€€Carvi€gulps€and€gulps.€€She€knows€thatĻshe€may€puke€like€her€kissing€friend,€but€she€doesnššt€care.€€The€cigarettes€in€her€pocket€areĻburning€a€hole€so€she€goes€outside€to€smoke.ĢŠ ,z'> ŠŃ"dŃā "āŃ8€I`XXdģXXdģ8Ńā "āŃ  Ńņ ņTIME€CHECK:€€ó óA€few€hours€later.€€The€house€is€emptying€out.€€Š  ŠĢą [ ąMichelle€and€Carvi€are€dancing€with€some€other€girls€on€the€back€porch.€€They€areĻlaughing€and€pretending€to€be€pop€stars.€€Although€the€night€air€is€getting€chilly,€all€of€the€dancingĻgirls€have€taken€off€their€tops€and€are€parading€around€in€their€bras.€€Now€Carvi€quickly€puts€herĻshirt€back€on€because€sheššs€embarrassed.€€After€three€cups€of€beer€and€four€hits€on€a€joint,ĻMichelleššs€buzz€rocks€so€much€it€worries€her€because€she€didnššt€realize€how€much€she€was€takingĻin.€€When€she€is€offered€a€swig€from€a€bottle€of€tequila,€she€plays€it€cool€saying€that€she€hatesĻtequila€and€got€sick€on€it€at€another€party.€€Carvi€and€Michelle€go€to€a€quiet€spot€near€the€poolĻhouse€to€talk.€€Carvi€has€just€seen€Wes€and€canššt€stop€crying.€€Michelle€hugs€her€and€tells€herĻthat€Wes€is€a€jerk€anyway€and€that€she€should€forget€about€him.€€Michelle€doesnššt€know€this€yet,Ļbut€a€drunk€boy€just€spilled€beer€on€his€pants€and€heššs€mopping€it€up€with€her€shirt.Ģą [ ąThe€girl€who€gave€Wes€chlamydia€is€talking€to€his€friend„„the€same€one€he€was€talkingĻwith€by€the€fireplace.€€Wes€sees€the€two€of€them€heading€to€the€downstairs€bedroom.€€BecauseĻhe€doesnššt€want€to€feel€like€a€prick,€he€lets€his€friend€go€with€the€girl.€€Wes€sees€Tony€in€theĻkitchen€and€the€two€of€them€do€shots€of€vodka.€€This€is€all€that€Tony€has€had€to€drink,€except€forĻa€warm€can€of€Coke€that€he€found€in€the€garage.€€Wes€is€really€blitzed€and€starts€slurring€hisĻwords€and€hanging€all€over€people.€€There€are€flecks€of€powdered€cheese€in€the€corners€of€hisĻmouth€and€his€finger€tips€are€orange€from€the€puffy€cheese€things€heššs€been€stuffing€into€hisĻmouth.€€Right€now€Wesššs€€very€loud€voice€can€be€heard€over€the€very€loud€music.€€And€heššs€gotĻŌ_ŌcheeseyŌ_Ō€finger€streaks€down€the€length€of€his€white€T„shirt.€€What€a€mess€he€is.€€Even€guys€tryĻtheir€best€to€stay€clear€of€him.€€He€tries€to€dance€with€the€pretty€girls€on€the€porch€and€falls.€€NoĻone€helps€him€up.€€Not€feeling€so€good,€he€stays€put€for€a€few€minutes.Ģą [ ąCarvi€wants€to€leave€the€party€because€she€has€to€be€home€by€two„thirty.€€She€tellsĻMichelle€to€go€sit€on€the€couch€and€wait€for€her.€€When€Tony€flops€down€beside€her,€the€poor€guyĻstarts€hiccupping.€€Michelle€giggles€at€him.€€By€this€time,€Wes€has€made€his€way€into€theĻbathroom€to€throw€up.€€He€gets€most€of€it€in€the€toilet,€but€the€rest€splatters€on€the€ceramic€tiles.€ĻHe€doesnššt€clean€it€up€because€itššs€not€his€house€and€he€wonššt€get€into€any€trouble.€€Wes€walksĻout€of€the€bathroom€and€plops€down€on€the€couch€beside€Michelle.€€When€she€smells€his€putridĻstink,€she€sits€on€Tonyššs€lap€to€escape.€€Of€course,€Tony€doesnššt€know€what€to€make€of€MichelleššsĻmixed€signals.€€He€guesses€itššs€just€the€alcohol„„he€also€knows€that€Michelleššs€a€flirt.€€BecauseĻshe€is€not€wearing€a€shirt,€and€canššt€even€find€the€one€she€came€with,€Tony€offers€to€find€her€one.€Š $,‡'> ŠHe€goes€to€an€upstairs€bedroom€and€rummages€through€some€drawers.€€Five€minutes€later€heĻreturns€€with€a€very€large€purple€T„shirt.€€It€reaches€Michelleššs€knees,€but€sheššs€short€anyway.€ĻThe€four€leave€the€house.€€€€Ģą [ ąMichelle€knows€that€she€can€hardly€see€straight.€€Tony€does€not€have€his€driverššs€license.€ĻWes€is€a€mess.€€So€that€leaves€Carvi.€€It€ņņisóó€her€car€and€she€ņņdid€óópromise€to€drive€everyone€home.€Š µ  ŠEven€though€sheššs€feeling€a€little€light€in€the€head,€she€decides€to€drive.€€The€four€pile€into€theĻcar.€€None€of€the€kids€at€the€party€knew€this,€but€the€cops€had€set€up€a€drunk„driverššs€check„point.€ĻWhen€Carvi€makes€a€right€onto€Hillcrest€Avenue,€she€gets€a€rude€awakening.€€Wes€tells€her€toĻplay€it€cool€and€nothing€will€happen.€€A€bit€relieved€that€Wes€said€that,€Carvi€begins€to€think€thatĻshe€can€pass€on€through€without€any€problems.€€Right€after€Carvi€pulled€away€from€the€curb,Ļsomeone€called€that€house€to€warn€the€others€of€the€check„point.€€Too€bad€for€Carvi€and€her€crewĻthat€they€didnššt€wait€a€few€extra€minutes€before€leaving.Ģą [ ąĢņ ņTHE€SCENE:ó ó€€Police€station€off€the€boulevard.€€Two„forty€AM.Š 2• ŠĢą [ ąAt€the€police€station,€the€kids€sit€in€a€cell€not€speaking€to€anyone.€€Because€they€areĻunder€eighteen,€each€of€these€teens€needs€to€be€picked€up€by€a€parent€or€other€adult€familyĻmember.€€€Carvi€has€called€her€father.€€Michelle€has€called€her€father.€He€wants€Michelle€to€sufferĻin€jail€for€the€night,€but€Mrs.€Ō_ŌDuphopolousŌ_Ō€convinces€him€to€go€and€get€their€daughter€now.€€AndĻWesššs€parents€have€left€town€for€the€night,€so€he€will€call€his€older€brother€who€is€sick€with€the€flu.€ĻFirst€he€has€to€take€time€out€to€puke€in€a€trash€can.€€Tony€has€called€his€aunt.€There€are€sevenĻother€kids€from€their€school€in€the€same€cell.€€Carvi€is€crying€on€Michelleššs€shoulder€because€sheĻknows€that€her€parents€will€not€trust€her€for€a€very€long€time.€€Tony€knows€that€his€aunt€will€wantĻto€kick€his€Ō_ŌassŌ_Ō€for€being€so€stupid.€€Before€he€left€the€house,€she€told€him€to€use€his€head.ą ## ąŠ ū!^. Šą [ ąMr.€Macaroni€has€just€arrived.€€His€daughterššs€license€will€be€revoked€for€six€months€andĻher€car€has€been€impounded.€€This,€he€is€told,€is€what€happens€to€all€under„age€drunk€drivers.€ĻBecause€he€is€so€pissed€off,€Mr.€Macaroni€yells€at€everyone€in€the€cell€for€being€so€irresponsible.€ĻHe€doesnššt€care€whose€kids€they€are.€€All€of€the€kids€in€the€cell€donššt€know€that€one€guy€from€theĻparty€gunned€his€car€down€the€street€and€crashed€into€a€parked€van.€€€His€neck€was€broken€andĻhe€was€taken€to€the€hospital,€paralyzed.ĢĢņ ņLAST€SCENE:ó ó€€Funeral€home,€four€days€later.Š +,Ž'> ŠŃ dŃā  āŃ8€I`XXdģXXdģ8Ńā  āŃ  Ńą [ ąSometimes€crazy€stuff€happens€and€sometimes€it€doesnššt.€€But€a€lot€of€the€crazy€thatŠ  Šdoes€happen€is€not€good€crazy.€€It€may€feel€like€good€crazy€or€fun€crazy€at€the€moment,€but€later,Ļyou€might€change€your€mind.€€Or€get€it€changed€for€you.€€Take,€for€instance,€the€kid€with€theĻbroken€neck.€€When€he€gunned€that€car€down€the€street,€that€was€fun€crazy€to€him.€€But€heššs€noĻlonger€laughing.€€Ģą [ ąCounseling€sessions€at€school€are€available€and€the€kids€got€half€the€day€off€to€attend€theĻservices.€€Placed€here€and€there€are€pots€and€displays€of€pretty€flowers.€€Carvi€and€Michelle€areĻwhispering€near€a€large€mirror€with€two€other€girls€from€school.€€€Lots€of€teenagers€are€mullingĻaround€the€parlor€talking€to€each€other€in€loud€whispers.€€Some€have€never€been€to€a€funeralĻbefore.€€Most€of€these€kids€are€wondering€how€the€crash€happened€because€their€friend€wasnšštĻthat€drunk.€€Ģą [ ąThere€is€a€short€service€for€the€boy€who€died.€€His€parents€are€very€distraught€and€hisĻlittle€sister€is€just€sitting€there€like€a€zombie.€€Once€the€service€is€over,€the€congregation€movesĻinto€the€parlor€again€for€a€spread€of€finger€foods.€€The€casket€is€wheeled€into€the€parlor€and€willĻbe€taken€to€the€cemetery€when€guests€leave.€€Groups€of€guys€huddle€in€the€corners€talking€aboutĻhow€much€they€drank€at€the€various€after„prom€parties.€€€And€thereššs€Wes€talking€in€one€of€theĻgroups.€€The€navy€jacket€heššs€wearing€is€too€small€for€him€and€his€baggy€khakis€are€in€dire€needĻof€ironing.€€He€just€told€his€friend€that€something€like€this€would€never€happen€to€him€because€heĻknows€how€to€drive€under€the€influence.€€The€friend€turns€slowly€to€look€at€the€closed€casket.ĢŌ#† X2mXõ ōżV#ŌÓ3³ÓĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢŠ +ņ&6 ЇÓ3³zXÓÓ3³ÓĢĢĢĢĢÓ3³ČXÓņņÓ  ÓJOURNAL€ESSAYóóŠ 9 œ ŠMay€14,€2001ĢÓųXÓÓ3³ÓĢĢĢĢĢĢÓ3³FYÓÓ€3³Óą [ ąŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌMr.€Ō_ŌZigglerŌ_Ō€wants€us€to€write€an€informal€š šessayšš€in€our€journal€about€a€person€that€hasŠ ćF  Šinspired€us.€€I€like€write.€€Iššm€sure€he€thinking€of€a€positive€roll€model€like€Ō_ŌOprahŌ_Ō,€Ō_ŌMiaŌ_Ō€Hamm,€orĻmy€Uncle€Wayne€whoššs€a€Ō_ŌpedeatricianŌ_Ō.€€After€some€serious€thought€I€decided€that€the€person€whoĻhas€inspired€me€the€most€is€my€mother€because€sheššs€alcoholic.€€And€this€essay€will€pretty€muchĻtalk€about€the€bad€that€goes€along€with€living€with€my€mother€how€she€has€inspired€me€not€to€beĻjust€like€her.Ģą [ ąAlright.€€Here€goes€nothing€I€guess.Ģą [ ąTo€begin€with,€to€most€people,€I€probably€seem€like€a€ņņóóregular€fifteen€year€old€girl€in€tenthŠ Ć& Šgrade.€€When€I€was€younger,€I€thought€that€all€families€were€made€up€of€a€mom,€a€dad,€aĻdaughter,€a€son,€and€some€sort€of€pet€with€a€goofy€name.€€I€been€taking€care€of€my€brotherĻDanny€since€I€was€nine.€€Thatššs€when€Dad€left€us€with€nothing€but€a€dirty€little€house.€€Even€still,Ļthatššs€better€than€what€some€people€have.€€Mom€had€to€get€a€job€to€support€Danny€and€I.€€SheššsĻhad€four€or€five€jobs€since€then€I€think.€€Ģą [ ąNot€too€long€after€my€dad€left,€this€guy€Dirk€moved€in€and€my€mom€started€drinking€a€lotĻmore.€€Which€was€more€than€she€did€when€she€and€my€dad€were€together.€€I€know€that€my€dadššsĻmother€was€an€alcoholic€too,€and€I€also€know€that€kids€of€alcoholics€have€a€good€chance€of€beingĻone€themselves.€€(Not€me€though.€€No€way.)€€I€guess€all€thatššs€besides€the€point.€€Dirk€and€MomĻwould€stay€up€all€night€doing€shots€of€whatever€until€they€passed€out.€€One€morning€I€found€themĻbare€naked€on€the€living€room€floor€and€covered€them€with€a€brown€Mexican€blanket€beforeĻDanny€saw.€€You€can€call€me€overprotective€if€you€want€to.€€But€I€had€to€grow€up€Ō_ŌalotŌ_Ō€faster€thanĻthe€kids€I€know€at€school.€€It€sure€isnššt€easy€taking€on€the€mother€role€when€I€want€to€hang€outĻwith€friends€or€join€an€after„school€club€but€I€do€it€for€Danny€because€heššs€too€little€to€doĻeverything€for€himself.Ģą [ ąI€liked€Dirk.€€He€didnššt€swear€in€front€of€us€like€Mom€does.€€He€made€sure€the€bills€wereŠ Ć+&'= Špaid€on€time€(for€the€most€part),€and€he€even€tossed€around€an€old€football€with€Danny€once€in€aĻwhile.€€One€night€Dirk€came€into€my€bedroom€to€talk€about€Mom.€€I€cried€and€he€hugged€me.€€IĻknow€he€felt€bad€for€us€kids.Ģą [ ąš šYou€get€drunk€too,šš€I€said€to€him.Ģą [ ąš šYeah,€but€I€can€control€my€drinking.šš€€Ģą [ ąš šCanššt€you€make€her€stop?€€What€if€you€donššt€drink€with€her?šš€Ģą [ ąš šI€donššt€all€the€time.€€She€donššt€need€anyone€to€drink€with€her,€Ō_ŌErikaŌ_Ō.ššĢą [ ąš šI€wish€you€could€control€her.šš€€Ģą [ ąš šI€control€myself.€€The€alcohol€controls€her,šš€he€said.Ģą [ ąUnfortunately,€about€five€months€or€so€after€that€conversation€Dirk€left€us.€€Mom€madeĻhim€leave.€€I€heard€him€yelling€at€her€one€night€because€she€was€cursing€at€him€because€heĻdidnššt€have€any€more€money€to€give€her.€€She€was€calling€him€all€kinds€of€bad€names€that€sheĻshould€have€been€calling€herself,€really.€€(Mom€has€a€Ō_ŌtendancyŌ_Ō€to€yell€and€get€really€mad€whenĻsheššs€drunk€and€canššt€have€her€way€all€the€time.)€€All€of€sudden,€he€threw€her€cheap€bottle€ofĻvodka€against€the€wall.€€She€tackled€him€and€knocked€out€his€tooth.€€There€was€blood€all€overĻhim€and€the€floor.€€Danny€started€crying€and€hugging€my€waist€but€I€didnššt€know€what€to€do€so€IĻjust€stood€there€like€I€was€frozen,€like€in€a€scary€movie€when€the€killer€is€walking€toward€theĻvictim€and€the€victim€canššt€do€anything€but€stand€and€scream.€€I€tried€to€cover€his€ears€is€all€IĻcould€do.€€Mom€walked€away€like€nothing€happened.€€I€gave€Dirk€an€old€towel€to€help€stop€theĻbleeding.€€We€havenššt€seen€him€since.Ģą [ ąI€learned€about€alcoholics€in€Health€class€last€year.€€It€seemed€like€someone€had€wroteĻabout€my€mom€in€the€textbook.€€What€it€said€was€that€some€alcoholics€are€happy€and€carefree.€ĻThen€there€are€those€like€my€mom€they€always€make€Ō_ŌpiecrustŌ_Ō€promises,€get€violent€on€occasion,Ļand€blame€other€people€or€things€for€their€life€being€crappy.€€Many€alcoholics€have€jobs€andĻfunction€in€society„„they€donššt€have€to€be€the€stereotypical,€Ō_ŌbummyŌ_Ō€slobs€on€the€street€corner.€€Ģą [ ąFrom€my€own€experience,€I€know€I€canššt€control€my€momššs€drinking€or€cure€her.€ĻSometimes€I€lay€in€bed€and€I€wish€I€could€turn€into€a€Ō_ŌsuperheroŌ_Ō€and€change€things€because€thisĻstupid€disease€is€effecting€the€whole€family.€€She€doesnššt€get€ņņdrunkóó€everyday€but€I€see€her€drinkŠ ż"`6 Ševeryday.€€Sometimes€she€can€be€pleasant€and€we€all€get€along.€€But€other€times,€she€gets€soĻmad€over€the€most€stupidest€things€that€I€think€she€must€be€going€crazy.€€And€there€are€otherĻtimes€when€I€want€to€feel€sorry€for€her€when€sheššs€crying€and€being€nice€to€us.€€That€sorry€feelingĻjust€doesnššt€come€all€the€time€because€its€too€hard€to€forgive€her€for€being€mean€andĻirresponsible.Ģą [ ąņņóóI€wonššt€say€I€want€a€ņņnormalóó€mother.€€The€Carol€Brady€kind€is€not€realistic€to€me€anyway.€€Š ½) %B ŠI€just€want€the€kind€of€mother€who€cares€about€her€kids€and€herself.€€For€example,€the€kind€thatĻpicks€me€up€from€school€and€takes€me€to€the€mall€to€buy€new€shoes€or€teaches€me€how€to€bakeŠ ż+`'F Šbrownies€or€shows€me€how€to€do€anything€useful€really.€€Mine€hardly€even€speaks€to€me.€€AndĻwhen€she€does€its€usually€to€boss€me€around.€Ģą [ ąOne€night€about€a€year€ago€Danny€and€I€were€cleaning€up€the€kitchen.€€We€heard€a€carĻspin€wheels€on€the€street€then€Mom€came€stumbling€through€the€door.€€Neither€one€of€us€saidĻanything€to€her€because€she€had€promised€to€be€home€to€make€dinner€for€us.€€Before€she€left€forĻwork€she€was€excited€about€it.€€Then€that€all€changed.Ģą [ ąš šCanššt€you€say€hello€to€your€mother?ššĢą [ ąš šHello,€Mother,šš€I€said€to€the€dishes.Ģą [ ąš šLook€at€me!€€Ō_ŌWhodayaŌ_Ō€think€youššre€talking€to?šš€€A€drunk€lunaticņņ.€€óóI€thought,€as€sheŠ   Šgrabbed€my€arms€and€shook€me.€€Then€she€turned€toward€Danny€and€cursed€him€for€looking€likeĻour€father.€€Before€I€could€react€she€shoved€my€face€into€the€dirty€dishwater€and€mashed€myĻnose€into€the€sink.€€Danny€pushed€her€away€then€she€started€throwing€Grandmaššs€crystal€animalĻfigurines€on€the€floor,€knocking€stuff€off€the€counter,€and€causing€a€huge€mess€that€Danny€and€IĻhad€to€clean€up.€€I€cried€later€about€the€crystal€animals€because€she€smashed€them€to€pieces.€ĻMom€knew€I€really€liked€those€figurines€too.€€I€stood€there€dripping€dirty€dishwater€all€on€the€floorĻlike€I€was€frozen.€€For€example,€just€like€that€time€with€Dirk€and€his€tooth.€€Even€though€sheššsĻmade€me€so€mad€and€upset€over€the€past€however€many€years,€I€have€never€tried€to€hurt€herĻŌ_ŌdeliberitelyŌ_Ō.€€Talk€about€growing„up€quick.€€Later€that€night€I€saw€her€on€the€couch,€rocking€backĻand€forth,€hugging€herself.€€She€was€mumbling€something€that€sounded€like€š šsorryšš€but€I€neverĻgot€any€closer.€€That€was€one€of€those€times€I€kind€of€wanted€to€feel€sorry€for€her,€but€she€hadĻphysically€hurt€me€and€I€just€couldnššt€do€it.Ģą [ ąThat€time€in€the€kitchen€was€the€first€incident€like€that.€€Thereššs€been€a€couple€moreĻpretty€similar€like€when€Danny€hurt€his€arm€playing€baseball.€€Instead€of€comforting€him,€she€toldĻhim€to€be€a€man.€€(If€she€hadnššt€been€drinking€I€donššt€think€she€would€have€said€that.)€€I€€pushedĻhim€into€the€bathroom,€filled€up€the€sink€with€cold€water,€added€some€ice,€and€made€him€soak€hisĻarm€for€twenty€minutes.€€Iššm€not€sure€how€I€knew€to€do€that,€but€I€did.€€Mom€really€made€me€mad.€ĻShe€didnššt€even€care€that€he€was€hurt.€€That€sucks€big€time.€€Ģą [ ąFurthermore,€itššs€stuff€like€that€Ō_ŌthatŌ_Ō€makes€my€mom€so€inspirational.€€My€mom€works€sixĻhours€a€day,€five€days€a€week€at€a€coffee€shop€a€few€blocks€away.€€I€guess€she€makes€prettyĻgood€money.€€Even€there€Iššm€sure€she€sneaks€whatever€cheap€liquor€she€has€into€her€tea.€€SheĻwonššt€drink€coffee€because€she€says€itššs€bad€for€the€body.€€When€the€bills€need€to€be€paid,€thereššsĻalways€her€checkbook€and€a€note€on€the€table€telling€me€to€deposit€the€money€and€pay€the€bills.€ĻI€must€be€fair€and€say€that€now€my€mom€makes€sure€thereššs€enough€money€for€food€and€bills.€ĻTwo€years€ago,€my€Uncle€Wayne€had€to€bail€us€out€of€hot€water€almost€every€month.Ģą [ ąGrandma€asked€me€once€if€I€wanted€to€live€with€her€and€Poppy€in€St.€Louis,€but€I€told€herĻthat€I€couldnššt€do€that.€€She€sends€me€money€to€buy€Danny€new€clothes€when€he€needs€them,Š ,f'F Šschool€supplies,€and€what€she€calls€odds€and€ends.€€Also,€Uncle€Wayne€drops€by€every€otherĻmonth€or€so€to€talk€with€Mom.€€Heššs€my€momššs€brother€Uncle€Wayne€also€takes€Danny€twice€aĻseason€to€watch€the€Phillies€play.€€Thatššs€something€Danny€looks€forward€to€all€year€long.Ģą [ ąI€used€to€wonder€why€my€family€members€donššt€force€my€mom€to€get€help.Ģą [ ąš šWeššve€all€tried,šš€Uncle€Wayne€told€me€during€a€visit.€€š šShe€doesnššt€want€to€hear€anythingĻwe€have€to€say.€€Tells€us€to€stay€out€of€it.€€She€says,€I€pay€the€bills.€€Those€kids€donššt€starve.€IššmĻsorry,€Ō_ŌErikaŌ_Ō.ššĢą [ ąI€asked€why€he€keeps€trying.€€He€asked€why€I€didnššt€move€to€St.€Louis.Ģą [ ąš šBecause€I€love€her,šš€I€whispered.Ģą [ ąš šMe€too.šš€ą  ąŠ ½  Šą [ ąš šSheššs€not€drunk€all€the€time€and€when€sheššs€not,€I€really€like€being€around€her.€€Sheššs€aĻgood€cook.€€And€she€and€I€get€all€dressed€up€in€her€good€clothes€sometimes€and€put€on€tons€ofĻmake„up.€€Thatššs€fun.ššĢą [ ąš šSounds€like€it,€kid,šš€Uncle€Wayne€said€and€he€hugged€me.Ģą [ ąš šIt€just€seems€like€she€hates€us€more€than€she€loves€us.ššą0  ąą0s;#;#ąą0Ė s;#s;#ąą0##Ė ;#Ė ;#ąŠ]Ą##;###;# Šą [ ąš šDonššt€question€whether€or€not€she€loves€you,€Ō_ŌErikaŌ_Ō.€€Your€dad€was€no€good€for€her€orĻanyone€else.€€Itššs€too€bad€that€she€let€herself€get€sucked€into€all€of€this.€€Now€she€canššt€get€out.ššĢą [ ąš šAnd€thatššs€her€fault,šš€I€said.Ģą [ ąš šYes.€€Thatššs€her€fault.ššĢą [ ąBelieve€me€when€I€say€that€I€have€asked€my€mom€to€get€help,€but€itššs€like€she€doesnšštĻeven€hear€what€Iššm€saying.€€It€makes€no€sense€to€me„„maybe€it€makes€sense€to€her,€I€donššt€know.€ĻShe€wonššt€even€try€to€help€herself.€€Mom€has€her€up€days€and€down€days,€but€most€of€the€timeĻshe€hardly€notices€my€existence.€€For€example,€when€sheššs€sobber€and€home€then€sheššs€usuallyĻwatching€television€or€talking€on€the€phone.€€If€she€ever€asks€about€school€I€tell€her€whatššs€goingĻon,€but€she€seems€bored€with€what€Iššm€saying.€€That€makes€me€study€harder€so€I€can€stopĻthinking€about€her€and€her€problems€because€I€have€a€life€to€live€myself.€€And€I€want€it€to€be€aĻbetter€life€than€the€one€she€has.Ģą [ ą€Basically,€I€am€a€fifteen€year€old€with€no€real€social€life.€€I€hang€out€with€friends€fromĻschool€once€in€a€while€on€the€weekends.€€A€lot€of€the€time€they€just€want€to€drink€some€beer.€€IĻhate€that.€€Iššm€not€about€to€tell€them€about€my€mom€though€because€I€would€be€Ō_ŌhumilliatedŌ_Ō.€ĻSometimes€I€stick€around€a€party€and€not€drink€anything€with€alcohol.€€It€scares€me.€€My€friendsĻthink€that€Iššm€allergic€to€alcohol€because€thatššs€what€I€told€them€to€get€out€of€being€pressured€toĻdrink.€€To€add€to€that,€Iššd€really€rather€not€start€killing€any€brain€cells€at€fifteen.€€AND€I€donššt€wantĻto€end€up€like€my€mother€or€like€Dean€Davis„„heššs€paralyzed€from€the€waist€down€from€drivingĻdrunk€after€Rob€Greenššs€party€last€month.€€Unfortunately,€he€killed€a€married€couple€that€had€aĻthree„month„old€baby€girl€with€them.€€It€was€horrible.€Š ż+`'F Šą [ ąDanny€and€I€cannot€have€friends€come€to€the€house.€€Danny€wants€his€little€friends€toĻspend€the€night€and€make€sleeping€bag€forts€and€be€a€nine€year€old€boyņņ.€€óóHe€canššt.€€I€canššt€haveŠ ½  Šany€friends€over€to€listen€to€CDs€or€watch€movies.€€It€feels€like€our€lives€are€being€put€on€holdĻbecause€of€something€my€mom€doesnššt€want€to€give€up.€€We€arenššt€able€to€lead€normal€livesĻbecause€we€have€an€alcoholic€mother.€€Maybe€if€my€dad€wasnššt€an€alcoholic€too€then€MomĻwouldnššt€be€the€way€she€is.€€And€because€he€left€her€with€us€on€her€own,€sheššs€very€angry.€€ThatššsĻwhat€I€think,€anyway.€€Poppy€never€liked€my€dad€because€he€feels€like€my€dad€dragged€my€momĻdown€the€tubes.€€Thatššs€kind€of€what€Uncle€Wayne€said€too.€€I€just€canššt€understand€why€my€momĻdoesnššt€want€to€help€herself€get€better.€€I€hear€her€crying€pretty€often.€€Mumbling€to€herself,Ļsaying€sorry€about€this€and€that.€€This€just€doesnššt€make€any€sense.€€Sometimes€I€go€to€her€andĻlet€her€hug€me€and€pat€my€hair€down€and€sometimes€I€just€let€her€feel€alone.€€(Sheššs€theĻcheeseš!šshe€stands€alone.)€€However,€I€do€want€to€hug€her€back€and€really€love€to€be€with€her,Ļbut€she€makes€that€too€hard€and€I€get€pushed€away€then€I€feel€bad€so€I€go€read€something€or€doĻmy€homework€over€again.Ģą [ ąIn€addition,€itššs€not€fair.€€I€could€leave€Danny€to€fend€for€himself.€€I€could€worry€about€myĻmother€until€I€make€myself€sick.€€However,€that€would€cause€my€grades€to€fall€and€I€ņņwill€notóó€letŠ ƒę Šher€sickness€ruin€my€future.€€Someone€has€to€be€responsible.€€When€Momššs€crying€andĻscreaming€and€tearing€things€apart€I€clean€up€her€mess.€€And€now€Danny€seems€to€be€turningĻinto€a€neat€freak.€€For€example,€goes€around€the€house€with€a€dust€cloth€when€he€comes€homeĻfrom€school.€€He€makes€sure€everything€is€in€place€for€when€Mom€gets€home.€€Maybe€he€thinksĻthatššll€help€her€somehow€me,€Iššm€either€studying€or€reading€something.€€I€try€to€make€sure€thatĻsheššs€up€in€time€to€get€to€work.€€Sometimes€she€drinks€so€much€she€ņņcannotóó€get€up€on€time€andŠ C¦* Šhas€to€go€in€late.€€As€a€result,€thatššs€how€she€got€fired€from€her€other€jobs.€ą s ąą Ė ąą ## ąŠ cĘ, Šą [ ąą ³ ąĢą [ ąWhen€school€gets€out€in€a€few€months,€€Iššll€be€working€at€the€community€center.€Being€aĻday€camp€counselor€for€five€weeks€should€be€fun€and€Danny€gets€to€attend€the€camp€for€free.€ĻWe€both€like€that€idea.€€Plus,€Iššll€be€making€$6.50€an€hour€so€thatššs€pretty€good€moneyņņ€óófor€a€sixŠ ć!F4 Šhour€day€playing€games€with€fourth€and€fifth€graders.€€Ģą [ ąTo€conclude,€when€I€told€Mom€about€the€job€she€actually€smiled€then€told€me€to€makeĻsure€I€kept€the€house€clean.€€I€rolled€my€eyes,€but€not€so€she€could€see.€€And€she€even€drove€meĻto€Wal„Mart€so€I€could€get€some€new€khaki€shorts€and€two€red€tee€shirts.€€Of€course,€when€we€gotĻhome,€she€made€herself€a€drink.€€My€mom€may€not€be€a€good€role€model,€but€sheššs€a€ņņgreatŠ ‰'ģ"> Šóóinspiration.Ō#† X2mXõ ōżV’Y#ŌŠ ©( $@ ŠÓ€ÓĢĢŠ ”+'D ЇĢĢĢĢĢÓ€d–ÓÓ  ÓÓ€ÓLeo€Capistrano€Tells€Last€Weekššs€TaleŌ‡ ¼Ė–»X X2mŌą0 @ ąŌ#† X2mX» ¼Ė–ļ–#ŌŌ‡ ¼Ė–»X X2mŌą0@k;#;#ąŌ#† X2mX» ¼Ė–=—#ŌŠ 9 œ ŠÓ©–ÓĢĢĢĢĢĢÓ€µ–ÓÓ3³€Óą [ ąŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌMost€weeks,€nothing€extraordinary€ever€happens.€Unless€you€call€extraordinary€me€goingŠ ­  Ša€few€days€without€a€zit€erupting€on€my€face€like€a€volcano.€€Actually,€now€that€I€think€of€it,€thatĻņņwouldóó€be€extraordinary€because€I€get€zits€all€the€time.€€Iššm€not€alone,€though.€€My€Del€Rio€schoolŠ 9œ  Šis€one€big€oozing€pimple.€€Instead€of€Harbor€High€School,€we€should€be€called€Zit„Zone€High€andĻour€mascot€should€be€a€humongous€bottle€of€Ō_ŌNeutrogenaŌ_Ō,€because,€according€to€dermatologists,Ļit€ņņisóó€the€number€one€recommended€acne€fighter!€€(Iššve€seen€way€too€many€commercials.€€ButŠ u ŠJennifer€Love€Ō_ŌHewittŌ_Ō€in€a€towel€is€something€I€can€watch€over€and€over.)€€Like€I€was€saying,€mostĻweeks€are€boring€for€me,€but€last€week...yeah,€last€week€was...well,€Iššll€get€to€that€in€a€minute.€€Ģą [ ąI€know€that€lots€of€kids€have€parents€who€donššt€even€talk€to€them€about€the€stuff€thatĻneeds€to€be€discussed.€€Like€not€drinking,€not€smoking,€succeeding€in€lifeš!šthat€sort€of€thing.€€AndĻsome€of€the€kids€I€know€hardly€even€have€a€relationship€with€their€parents.€€But€my€parents€and€IĻhave€a€pretty€good€relationship.€€The€whole€family,€that€includes€my€twin€sisters,€plays€boardĻgames€on€Saturday€nights,€at€least€twice€a€month.€€Mom€and€Dad€usually€leave€me€to€sit€with€myĻsisters€the€other€two€Saturday€nights.€€My€point€is€that€my€parents€talk€to€me€and€are€interested€inĻmy€life.€€But,€even€though€they€ask€me€about€school€and€keep€track€of€my€studies,€they€have€noĻclue€at€all€about€the€pickings€I€get.€€Now,€I€donššt€wanna€come€across€to€you€like€this€kid€that€getsĻbeat€up€all€the€time€because€thatššs€not€it€at€all.€€Yes,€I€do€get€picked€on.€€Iššd€rather€have€someĻmoron€call€me€names€and€maybe€poke€me,€than€pummel€me€once€a€week€in€the€locker€roomĻthen€shove€my€face€into€a€pile€of€Ō_ŌcrapŌ_Ō€in€the€toilet.€€Thatššs€why€last€week...oh,€last€week.€Ģą [ ąJust€so€you€know,€Iššm€a€pretty€small€guy€for€sixteen.€€And€being€small€makes€me€a€target.€ĻI€think€Iššm€a€pretty€average€and€good„looking€guy.€€Iššm€not€that€big€into€fashion,€but€I€alwaysĻmatch€and€smell€good.€€However,€Iššm€only€five„seven€right€now€and€I€weigh€like€a€buck„twenty.€€ĻSometimes€I€try€to€find€my€muscles,€but€it€gets€so€tiring€and€depressing€that€I€just€give€up.€€AndŠ æ+"'8 ŠŌ_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō...well,€I€feel€bad€for€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō.€€Heššs€only€three€inches€taller€than€I€am€but€he€outweighs€meĻby€a€good€eighty€pounds.€€The€two€of€us€hanging€out€draws€attention,€and€kids€sometimes€chant,Ļš šJack€Sprat€could€eat€no€fat,€his€wife€could€eat€no€lean.šš€€€Ģą [ ąIššve€gotta€tell€you€more€about€my€best€friend.€€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€usually€mumbles€something€to€theĻidiots€who€chant€at€us,€about€him€being€rich€and€one€day€stomping€on€all€of€those€little€people,Ļfiring€them€from€their€jobs€or€not€hiring€them€at€all.€€And€that€laugh€he€cackles€is€kind€of€like€whenĻDr.€Frankenstein€brings€his€monster€to€life.€€Itššs€a€maniacal€laugh.€€I€believe€heššll€do€it€some€dayĻwhen€heššs€able€to€because€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ōššs€family€is€really,€really€rich.€€When€the€time€comes,€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_ŌĻhas€his€pick€of€four€successful€businesses€to€take„over.€€There€are€times€when€I€feel€like€he€willĻsnap€on€some€prick€guy€who€goes€too€far.€€Even€so,€I€donššt€think€heššs€the€type€to€blow€up€a€schoolĻor€something€like€that.€€As€a€matter€of€fact,€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€and€I€talk€about€revenge€a€lot,€but€in€non„¼violent€ways.€€Those€guys€from€PE€have€had€it€coming€for€a€long€time.€€Then,€last€week,€weĻactually€put€some€of€our€little€plans€into€action.Ģą [ ąOkay,€well,€because€Iššm€so€stinking€short€and€skinny,€and€because€Iššm€so€darned€lucky€toĻbe€in€gym€class€with€like€every€guy€that€plays€anything€remotely€athletic€at€my€school,€IĻabsolutely,€utterly,€entirely,€infinitely,€and€unadulteratedly€hate€going€to€PE.€€€Like€I€was€saying,€IĻdetest€gym€class,€and€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€is€not€too€fond€of€it€either.€€At€least,€though,€he€can€throw€far€andĻknock€guys€down€when€we€play€anything€that€involves€contact.€€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€never€abuses€his€powerĻon€smaller€guys.€€Itššs€funny€sometimes€to€watch€him€one„on„one€with€some€prick.€€When€thereššsĻmore€than€one,€the€trouble€starts.Ģą [ ąNow,€I€give€you€last€week,€beginning€after€dinner.ĢĢSunday:€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€stopped€by€and€we€hung€out€in€the€garage€for€an€hour€or€so€just€talking€about€ourĻtargets.€€He€asked€me,€as€if€he€really€needed€to,€if€Linda€had€talked€to€me€yet.€€Of€course€thatĻwas€a€stupid€question€because€heššd€be€the€first€to€know€after€me.€€(Thatššs€Linda€Ō_ŌHamburghŌ_Ō,€a€girlĻthat€I€really€dig.€€I€have€never€tried€talking€to€her€because€thatššs€not€the€easiest€thing€in€the€worldĻfor€me€to€do,€and€she€has€never€attempted€talking€to€me.€€More€on€her€later.)€€So,€we€made€aĻshort€list€of€guys€to€hit,€then€we€made€a€longer€list€of€guys€to€hit,€recycling€some€of€the€names.€ĻŌ_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€wanted€to€put€Mr.€Ō_ŌKrullŌ_Ōššs€name€on€the€list€(heššs€one€of€our€PE€instructors)€but€I€told€him€toĻleave€the€teachers€out€of€it.Ģą [ ąš šThatššs€the€problem,€man,šš€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€said,€sitting€down€on€my€old€mini„bike.€€I€was€hopingĻthe€tires€would€support€all€that€weight.€€And€they€didš!šsomehow.€€š šTheyššre€out€of€it.€€They€seeŠ ,z'> Šthose€pricks€pick€and€pick€at€us€and€stuff€and€they€donššt€do€a€damn€thing€about€it.€€I€want€ššem€onĻthe€listš!šat€least€Ō_ŌKrullŌ_Ō€ššcause€heššs€the€worst.ššĢą [ ąŌ_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€had€a€point,€but€I€convinced€him€that€we€didnššt€want€a€bunch€of€static€fromĻteachers.€€Ģą [ ąš šOkay,€so€you€wanna€do€all€this€stuff€without€Ō_ŌgettinŌ_Ōšš€caught€and€without€Ō_ŌgettinŌ_Ōšš€theĻrecognition?€€Youššre€nuts,€man.€€Youššre€a€handful€of€cashews,€man.€€No,€a€big€old€scoop€ofĻalmonds€and€walnuts€mixed€togetherš!šthatššs€what€you€are.ššĢą [ ąš šThanks,€Ō_ŌGianiŌ_Ō,šš€I€said,€dropping€to€the€floor€from€the€pull„up€bar€my€dad€hung€foreverĻago.€€š šSo€ņņwhatóó€if€we€donššt€get€any€attention?€€That€makes€it€better.šš€€At€this€point,€my€friend€pulledŠ Ķ0  Šout€a€Kit„Ō_ŌKatŌ_Ō€he€had€in€the€pocket€of€his€black€pull„Ō_ŌawaysŌ_Ō€and€he€opened€it€up.€€He€offered€meĻone€stick€but€I€refused€it.€€I€could€tell€it€was€all€hot€and€meltedš!šKit„Ō_ŌKatsŌ_Ō€are€best€right€out€of€theĻfridge.€€Anyway,€I€knew€that€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€was€not€convinced€of€what€I€was€saying.€€š šLook,€this€isnšštĻabout€recognition,€my€friend,€itššs€about€retribution!€€Vindication!€€Retaliation!šš€€I€was€beginning€toĻfeel€like€Patrick€Henry€rallying€the€colonists.€€š šRighting€all€the€wrongs€even€if€that€stupid€sayingĻtwo€wrongs€donššt€make€a€right€is€right.šš€€I€stopped€to€catch€my€breath.€€I€was€really€worked€up.Ģą [ ąš šYouššre€a€confusing€Ō_ŌsomethinŌ_Ōšš€else,€man.€€Donššt€get€allš!šššĢą [ ąš šI€just€want€the€satisņņfaóóction€of€knowing€that€the€two€of€us,€Leo€Capistrano€and€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_ŌŠ g  ŠŌ_ŌGianiŌ_Ō,€made€the€big€tough€guys€look€stupid€and€silly€and€that€other€stuff.ššņņóó€€I€felt€that€maniacalŠ Q“" ŠŌ_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€laugh€welling€up€in€me€like€a€geyser€about€to€shoot€toward€the€sky.€€But€I€held€it€back.€ĻThe€mile„wide€smile€on€my€face€showed€enough€emotion.€€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō,€however,€did€laugh.€€HisĻwhole€body€shook€and€jiggled.€€Then€I€had€to€let€out€my€own€laugh,€but€it€wasnššt€a€geyser€laugh.€ĻIt€was€just€a€regular€old€Leo€laugh.€€Kind€of€loud€and€fast,€but€not€too€distracting.ĢĢMonday:€Saw€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€just€after€first€period.€€We€were€both€on€our€way€to€Honors€Biology.€€Had€aĻsubstitute€which€was€pretty€cool€because€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€and€I€discussed€our€plans€a€bit€more.€€Went€toĻgym€class€later€with€a€smile€on€my€face€that€some€six„foot€tall€guy€almost€knocked€off€with€aĻvolleyball.€€After€school€I€went€to€my€job€at€Zucchiniššs€Sundries.€€Guess€who€walked€in?€€AsĻusual?€€Oh,€but€the€lovely€and€fair€Linda€Ō_ŌHamburghŌ_Ō.€€(Too€dramatic?)€€I€wonder€what€she€eats€onĻher€hamburgers€or€does€she€only€eat€veggie€burgers?€€Her€long,€curly€auburn€hair€is€so€curly,€justĻlike€curly€fries€that€go€with€a€nice€juicy€hamburger.€€I€want€to€touch€her€hair€and€her€skin€thatĻlooks€like€a€bar€of€Ivory€soap.€€Okay,€itššs€not€ņņthatóó€white.€€Linda€comes€into€Zucchiniššs€MondaysŠ ß*B&< Šand€Thursdays€after€she€leaves€choir€practice.€Š ,,'> Šą [ ą€ņņóóThis€is€as€good€a€time€as€any€to€talk€more€about€Linda.€€I€did€say€that€Iššd€get€back€to€her.€Š  ŠYou€may€wonder€why,€if€sheššs€always€at€the€drug€store,€I€have€not€really€talked€to€her.€€ItššsĻbecause€I€always€pretend€to€be€really€busy.€€I€know€a€lot€about€biology€and€math,€not€girls€andĻdating.€€One€of€my€uncles€told€me€it€would€come€naturally.€€Yeah,€right.€€Anyway,€€I€look€up€at€theĻceiling€mirrors€and€watch€Linda€and€her€friends€go€from€aisle€to€aisle,€staying€an€aisle€ahead€orĻbehind€them.€€Sometimes€I€get€caught€off„guard€when€Iššm€really,€really€busy.€€Then€all€of€aĻsudden€sheššs€there€in€front€of€the€magazine€rack€or€filler€paper.€€Or€sheššs€browsing€the€shelves€forĻhair€conditioner€and€face€cream.€€Her€skin€may€be€smooth€and€clean,€but€she€gets€pimples€likeĻthe€rest€of€us.€€Linda€has€a€very€natural€look,€as€if€she€can€just€leap€from€her€warm€bed€into€theĻbathroom,€give€herself€a€quick€look,€brush€her€radiant€hair€and€bright€white€teeth,€and€be€finishedĻwith€herself€for€the€day.€€At€least€she€looks€that€way€to€me.€€€Once€in€a€while€Iššll€be€at€the€registerĻand€I€ring€her€out,€but€she€always€has€her€head€turned,€talking€to€one€of€her€friends.€€Every€soĻoften,€though,€she€looks€at€me.€€Thatššs€a€good€sign,€right?€€Anyhow,€I€work€everyday€after€schoolĻexcept€for€Wednesdays.€€ĢĢTuesday:€Not€much€happened€this€day.€€I€had€a€geography€test.€€It€always€makes€me€laugh€whenĻI€study€and€get€good€marks,€then€the€lame„o€jocks€(not€that€all€jocks€are€lame„oššs)€think€that€theyĻcan€just€breeze€through€by€cheating€or€getting€a€padded€mark.€€It€can€maybe€work€in€otherĻclasses,€but€not€in€Mahoneyššs.€€That€guyššs€last€name€should€be€Hawk€because€he€watches€youĻlike€oneš!šlike€a€vultureš!šlike€a€bob€catš!šlike€a€lion.€€Besides€that,€he€sneaks€up€on€you.€€I€neverĻcheat,€but€he€has€a€way€of€making€me€feel€like€I€am€or€that€I€have.€€Hawk„eyes€will€come€andĻlook€over€my€shoulder€for€thirty€or€forty€seconds€and€watch€the€answers€come€out€of€my€pen.€€HeĻhates€it€when€a€kid€gets€a€perfect€on€his€test€ņņand€thenóó€gets€the€extra„credit€right.€€Ha,€ha,€sucker!€€Š ” , ŠĢWednesday:€€Our€plans€were€coming€together€a€bit€more.€€Because€I€did€not€have€to€work,ĻŌ_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€and€I€met€in€my€room€right€after€school.€€His€mom€gave€us€a€ride€because€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€wasĻcomplaining€about€having€to€walk€ņņsoóó€far€when€it€was€ņņsoóó€hot€outside.€€Give€me€a€break.€€We€onlyŠ Ą%#!4 Šhave€to€walk€one€point€three€miles€each€way€to€school.€€Itššs€a€twenty„minute€walk.€€Of€course,€IššmĻin€much€better€shape€than€my€best€friend.€€Once€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€was€situated€with€a€nice,€fat€salamiĻsandwich€and€a€cold€glass€of€milk,€our€little€meeting€of€the€minds€began.Ģą [ ąš šŌ_ŌWhatchaŌ_Ō€been€Ō_ŌthinkinŌ_Ōšš,€Leo?ššĢą [ ąš šThat€we€need€to€do€this€Friday.ššŠ %,ˆ'> Šą [ ąš šWhoa,€there,€man.€€Take€a€shower€or€Ō_ŌsomethinŌ_Ōšš,šš€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€said,€pink€mushy€breadĻshowing€between€his€teeth.Ģą [ ąš šI€ņņswear€óóyou€Ō_ŌoughttaŌ_Ō€do€stand„up,šš€I€said,€not€laughing.€€š šYouššre€a€regular€Chris€Rock.šš€Š )Œ ŠŌ_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€smiled€so€I€could€see€all€that€mush€in€his€teeth.€€š šIššm€serious,€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō.€€Friday.ššĢą [ ąš šHow€come?ššĢą [ ąš šTimeššs€running€out.€€Thereššs€a€home€baseball€game.€€Plus,€weššre€almost€ready.€€Get€outĻyour€papers.šš€€I€felt€devilish€and€deceitful.€€Yeah!Ģą [ ąSo,€we€looked€at€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ōššs€papers,€his€drawings€and€diagrams.€€€Then€we€took€a€look€atĻmine€and€compared.€€There€were€times€when€we€laughed€so€hard€that€we€couldnššt€talk€for€a€fewĻminutes.€€The€thought€of€what€we€were€planning€was€too€hilarious.€€And€the€revenge€factor€madeĻitself€knownš!šthatššs€for€sure.€€We€knew€that€we€had€to€pull€our€pranks€quickly€and€without€bringingĻattention€to€ourselves.€€And€there€could€be€no€physical€brutalityš!šharmless€with€a€punch,€so€toĻspeak.€€My€plans€were€to€let€other€people€do€most€of€the€work€for€me.€€I€just€had€to€plant€theĻseed.€€We€knew€that€the€pickings€we€got€would€not€stop,€but€we€would€be€satisfied€with€just€a€bitĻof€revenge.Ģą [ ąThere€was€one€thing€that€we€were€missing:€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō.€€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌValidoŌ_Ō€has€a€problem€with€some€ofĻthe€girls€at€Harbor€High.€€Her€difficulties€in€no€way€amount€to€my€and€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ōššs€problems€with€theĻguys€in€our€PE€class.€€(Of€course,€who€am€I€to€judge?)€€All€in€all,€she€is€one€of€usš!šone€of€theĻŌ_ŌpickeesŌ_Ō€and€she€hates€the€guys€we€hate€just€as€much€as€we€hate€them.€With€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō,€€we€couldĻcover€more€ground.€€If€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€wasnššt€legally€blind€in€her€left€eye,€Iššd€say€that€sheššd€be€an€ArmyĻgeneral€in€fifteen€years.€€Sheššs€just€got€that€kind€of€mind,€if€you€know€what€I€mean.Ģą [ ąSo,€I€called€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō.€€In€case€youššre€wondering€why€I€have€her€phone€number€if€Iššm€afraid€toĻtalk€to€girls,€itššs€because€I€donššt€look€at€her€that€way.€€To€me,€sheššs€one€of€the€guys€except€sheššs€aĻlot€better€looking€and€her€voice€isnššt€as€deep.€€Iššve€hung€out€with€her€more€than€any€other€girlĻexcept€my€mom€and€sisters.€€(I€did€go€out€on€a€few€dates€with€a€girl€last€year,€but€we€always€justĻmet€at€the€mall€or€movie€theater€where€we€had€some€make„out€sessions.€€She€moved€away€and€IĻhavenššt€talked€to€her€since.)€€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€joins€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō,€another€friend€or€two€of€ours,€and€me€for€cardsĻsometimes.€€And€sheššs€come€bowling€with€us€on€a€few€occasions.€€Because€she€isnššt€much€intoĻclothes€and€doesnššt€spend€four€hours€in€the€morning€worrying€about€her€hair,€she€gets€teased€byĻsome€of€those€girls€who€do€that€stuff.€€Iššm€not€exactly€sure€what€sheššs€called€by€them,€butĻevidently€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ōššs€pissed€off€enough€to€want€to€mess€with€them.€Ģą [ ąSince€eighth€grade,€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€has€been€attracted€to€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō.€€Personally,€I€think€heššs€tooŠ ,'> Šinsecure€about€his€weight€to€tell€her.€€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€is€a€nice„looking€girl,€but€I€donššt€have€the€fluttering€forĻŌ_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€like€I€get€around€Linda.€€Itššs€weirdš!štheyššre€both€physically€attractive€but€in€different€ways.€ĻAnd€Iššd€never€try€to€start€something€with€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€knowing€how€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€feels,€or€doesnššt€feel.€€ItššsĻconfusing.€€What€can€I€say?€€Weššre€sixteen.€€Who€the€hell€knows€how€hormones€work?€€I€sureĻdonššt,€and€believe€me,€I€wish€I€could€figure€them€out€because€theyššre€a€pain€in€lots€of€places.€ĻLike€I€was€saying,€just€as€I€was€about€to€put€the€dinner€ham€into€the€oven,€the€doorbell€rang.€ĻThere€stood€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌValidoŌ_Ō.€€Smile€on€her€face.€€Notebook€in€hand.€€Accessories€in€bag€in€hand.€ĻAppeared€that€she€had€been€cooking€up€her€own€plans€for€awhile.ĢĢThursday:€Hereššs€something€unusualš!šI€did€not€get€pushed€around€this€day€in€PE.€€I€actually€wonĻour€bombardment€game€because€I€wove€my€way€around€the€bigger€guys€who€arenššt€as€fast.€€AfterĻwork,€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€and€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€came€by€so€we€could€put€the€final€finals€on€our€plans.€€The€fun€would€beginĻin€the€parking€lot€before€school€even€started.€€Most€importantly,€we€would€dummy€the€pin„headsĻon€the€list€ņņduróóing€school€so€other€kids€could€watch€the€fun.€€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō,€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō,€and€I€could€only€hit€soŠ +Ž Šmany€individually,€and€in€one€day.€€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€picked€the€two€on€the€list€that€she€could€kill€with€oneĻstone,€so€to€speak.€€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€picked€two€and€I€picked€three.€€These€picks€were€people€in€ourĻclasses€because€our€access€to€them€was€better€than€some€of€the€other€ones€we€couldnššt€get€to€asĻeasily.€ĢĢStill€Thursday:€This€is€what€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€had€planned.€ą0  ąą0k;#;#ąą0Ćk;#k;#ąą0Ć;#Ć;#ąŠÖ9&;#;# Šą [ ąš šWhatššs€next?šš€I€asked€her,€plunking€myself€down€on€the€picnic€table.€€We€were€in€theĻbackyard€so€my€parents€wouldnššt€hear€what€we€were€talking€about.Ģą [ ąš šYou€guys€know€that€I€have€a€plants€and€soils€class.šš€Ģą [ ąWe€nodded.Ģą [ ąš šI€know€that€Francesca€Ō_ŌArbolesŌ_Ō€and€Courtney€Chang€are€only€in€that€class€because€theyĻhave€the€hots€for€Mr.€Delta,šš€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€said.€€š šItššs€disgusting€the€way€they€sit€and€check€him€out,Ļpractically€salivating€when€heššs€near€them€or€showing€them€how€to€do€something€the€rest€of€usĻunderstood€the€first€time€he€explained€it.ššĢą [ ąŌ_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€and€I€sat€quietly€and€listened€to€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€spout€off€at€the€mouth€for€a€few€minutesĻabout€these€two€girls€and€how€they€always€look€down€at€her€for€never€complaining€about€gettingĻdirty€and€for€actually€enjoying€what€sheššs€doing.€€And€then€she€started€talking,€very€quickly€andĻwith€flailing€arms,€about€Courtney€and€Francesca€ragging€on€her€clothes€and€the€boots€sheŠ ,'> Šalways€wears.Ģą [ ąš šThey€donššt€take€anything€seriously,šš€she€told€us.€€š šTheyššre€just€jealous€because€Mr.€DeltaĻlikes€me€more€than€he€likes€them€and€he€always€compliments€my€work.€€With€them,€he€gets€runĻragged€because€all€they€do€is€whine€about€breaking€a€nail€or€having€a€bug€crawl€on€them.šš€€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_ŌĻrolled€her€eyes€a€lot€during€her€little€speech€and€was€more€cocky€than€Iššd€ever€heard€her.€€š šSo,ĻIššm€going€to€make€sure€that€they€get€a€lot€of€bugs€and€worms€in€their€soil.€€They€bug€me€so€IššllĻbug€them,€fellas.€€Every€work€station€they€go€to€tomorrow€will€be€crawling€with€little€critters.ššĢą [ ąI€think€I€saw€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ōššs€eyes€turn€red€for€a€couple€of€seconds€as€she€wrung€her€hands€and€letĻa€devious€grin€stretch€across€her€face.€€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€just€stared€at€her€with€infatuation.€€He€wouldnšštĻadmit€it,€but€I€think€he€fell€in€love€right€there€in€my€backyard.Ģą [ ąš šAnd€both€Ō_ŌArbolesŌ_Ō€and€Chang€are€in€my€lunch€so€I€just€might€surprise€them€with€worms€inĻthe€cafeteria,€too.€€I€still€have€to€work€that€out,€but€I€think€itššs€possible.šš€€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€sat€down€on€a€wickerĻchair,€stuck€her€legs€out€in€front€of€her,€and€crossed€them.€€She€looked€very€satisfied.Ģą [ ąĢFriday:€€I€couldnššt€really€sleep€Thursday€night.€€Tossed€and€turned.€€Tossed€and€turned.€€I€had€aĻhard€time€figuring€out€if€I€was€excited€or€scared.€€Then€I€decided€that€I€was€both.€€Ģą [ ąFirst€off,€in€the€parking€lot,€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€and€I€saw€a€bunch€of€our€PE€friends€smokingĻcigarettes€and€taking€swigs€out€of€a€liquor€bottle.€€Just€as€we€expected.€€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€pulled€out€his€cell„¼phone€and€calledņņóó€the€sheriff.€€Said€that€some€students€were€buying€drugs€in€the€parking€lot€atŠ ‰ģ$ ŠHarbor€High.€€Described€the€guys€and€all€that.€€Then€we€sat€at€a€table€by€the€cafeteria€to€watchĻthe€show.€€About€two€minutes€later,€two€unmarked€deputy€cars€pulled€up€and€four€deputiesĻjumped€out.€€Then€the€sheriff€showed€up€with€sirens€roaring,€blowing,€screaming,€and€wailing.€ĻSatisfaction.€€I€looked€at€my€watch€and€had€seven€minutes€to€get€to€class€to€hit€my€nextĻtargetš!šKyle€Garyš!šan€almond„skinned€kid€about€six„two€who€kind€of€looks€like€a€wrinkled€versionĻof€Ō_ŌShaqŌ_Ō.€€He€wrestles€and€holds€the€schoolššs€high€jump€record.Ģą [ ąWhen€I€got€to€my€English€class,€I€was€alone.€€That€was€exactly€what€I€wanted.€€I€quicklyĻwent€to€the€bookshelves€and€pulled€from€behind€the€dictionaries€Kyleššs€notebook€and€textbook.€ĻBecause€heššs€too€lazy€to€take€his€books€out€of€the€room,€he€hides€them€behind€the€dictionaries.€ĻOne€thing€my€English€teacher€always€looks€for€is€if€we€have€our€books€and€notebooks.€€TheseĻtwo€items€ņņmustóó€be€on€our€desks€when€she€enters€the€class€or€points€are€deducted.€€And€otherŠ ‹)ī$: Šstuff€can€happen€tooš!šlike€humiliation.Ģą [ ąI€put€Kyleššs€materials€in€my€book€bag€and€left€the€class.€€When€I€was€in€a€very€crowdedŠ ,'> Šarea€of€the€hallway,€I€took€out€the€extra€book€and€notebook€and€dropped€them€on€the€floor.€€MyĻwork€was€finished.€€I€heard€a€bunch€of€kids€talking€about€what€happened€in€the€parking€lot€andĻthat€one€guy€got€arrested.€€In€class,€I€had€to€control€my€loud,€fast€laugh€while€the€idiot€who€wouldĻalways€pluck€my€head€as€he€passed€me€in€the€hallway,€trip€me€while€playing€flag€football,€orĻwould€stab€my€butt€with€a€pencil€when€he€sat€behind€me€last€year€in€history,€searched€andĻsearched€in€vain€for€his€stuff€that€was€no€doubt€trampled€on€and€€kicked€down€the€hallway,€far,€farĻaway.€€ņņóóYou€can€imagine€how€happy€I€was€when€my€English€teacher€walked€in€and€my€target€wasŠ A ¤  Šout€of€his€seat.€€For€that,€he€had€to€stand€in€the€corner€with€the€dunce€hat€on,€which€is€a€sillyĻShakespeare„type€hat€with€a€huge€plume.€€And€because€Kyle€did€not€have€his€materials€on€hisĻdesk,€he€got€double€points€taken€off.€€The€fun€had€only€begun.€€We€got€an€open„book€quiz€sprungĻon€us€that€Mr.€Pencil„stabber€could€not€take€and€got€an€automatic€goose„egg.€€The€teacher€said€aĻbunch€of€stuff€about€his€making€sure€he€makes€it€to€practices€on€time€and€working€harder€onĻsports€than€in€the€classroom.€€Most€everyone€in€class€was€laughing€and€pointing€at€him.€€NotĻused€to€being€teased,€the€guy€was€almost€purple€with€embarrassment.€€Or€was€he€angry?€ĻAnyway,€that€little€joke€was€painless€compared€to€what€happened€to€Miguel€during€third€period.€ĻJust€so€you€know,€Miguel€doesnššt€play€anything€at€school,€but€is€part€of€the€PE€hit€squad.€€HeĻwears€a€scruffy€beard€and€looks€like€heššs€about€twenty„fiveš!šof€course,€he€acts€like€heššs€fourteen,Ļeven€though€heššs€graduating€in€June.ą » ąą  ąą k ąą Ć ąą  ąą s ąŠ C¦" Šą [ ąWhen€I€got€to€biology,€I€told€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€about€Kyle.€š šThatššs€excellent,€man,šš€he€said.€Then€heĻtold€me€what€he€heard€about€our€parking€lot€friends.€€Turns€out€that€the€guy€that€got€arrested€€ņņdidŠ Ļ2& Šóóhave€some€weed€on€him,€and€all€the€guys€with€liquor€on€their€breath€got€busted.€€No€baseballŠ ( Švictory€for€us€last€Friday€because€six€players€got€suspended.€€That€meant€that€JV€guys€had€toĻtake€their€spots€on€Varsity.€€Because€my€last€target,€my€shot„put€friend,€was€part€of€that€gang,€IĻcouldnššt€pull€my€prank€on€him€during€PE.€€I€didnššt€care.€€Ģą [ ąFifth€period€came€and€I€went€to€my€technologies€class.€€And€thatššs€where€I€would€getĻback€at€Miguel€for€all€the€shoves€in€the€locker€room,€and€all€the€needless€hits€to€my€shins€with€aĻhockey€stickš!šthat€kind€of€thing.€€The€night€before,€I€typed€up€and€printed€out€a€short€note€from€aĻgirl€that€I€planted€in€the€network€printer€in€class€at€the€right€time.€€The€tech„spec,€a€short€and€big„¼shouldered€guy,€who€stands€by€the€printer€to€make€sure€everything€runs€smoothly,€usually€readsĻsome€of€whatever€comes€out.€When€the€time€came,€I€got€up€to€toss€a€piece€of€paper€in€the€trashĻcan.€€I€was€near€the€printer€and€I€slipped€in€the€note€before€the€tech„spec€got€there.€€Again,€myĻwork€was€finished.€€Believe€me,€I€was€definitely€risking€getting€caught€and€I€was€shaking€like€aŠ ,'> Šloose€shingle€in€a€hurricane.€€What€the€tech„spec€does€is€thisš!šhe€waits€for€five€papers€to€beĻprinted€out€then€he€takes€the€papers€to€the€students€that€printed€them.€€Because€the€tech„spec€isĻa€kidder€himself,€I€knew€he€wouldnššt€pass€up€reading€the€note€aloud.€€So,€the€note€that€read€likeĻthis,€ņņDear€Miguel,€I€had€such€a€good€time€with€you€last€night.€€I€hope€that€what€you€said€aboutŠ oŅ Šbreaking€up€with€Sandy€is€true€because€I€could€kiss€you€like€that€for€the€rest€of€my€lifeóó,€was€liftedŠ ¼  Šoff€of€the€printer€with€the€other€papers.€€The€tech„spec€laughed€and€said,€š šMiguel,€this€is€for€you,ššĻthen,€as€expected,€he€read€it€to€the€class.€€Hereššs€the€best€partš!šSandy€is€also€in€the€class€and€sheĻstood€up€demanding€to€know€who€wrote€that€note.€€Before€she€went€to€the€principalššs€office€for€allĻthe€racket,€she€yelled,€š šMiguel€shaves€the€hair€inside€his€butt€and€he€sleeps€with€a€stuffed€duckĻnamed€Gretel!šš€€Then€she€broke€up€with€him€using€some€very€nasty€language€that€got€herĻcampus„detail€for€a€week€and€a€monthššs€worth€of€Saturday€detention.€€(News€like€this€spreadsĻquickly€in€a€high€school.)€€I€laughed€at€him€with€the€rest€of€the€class.€€I€had€tears€in€my€eyes€andĻmy€nose€was€running.€€Miguel€didnššt€actually€see€anyone€laughing€because€his€head€was€down€onĻthe€table.€€The€tips€of€his€ears€looked€like€raspberries.€€I€donššt€know€why,€but€he€never€asked€whoĻsent€the€note,€so€Iššm€thinking€that€what€I€wrote€actually€happened.€€Funny€how€life€worksĻsometimes.€€I€felt€an€ounce€bad€for€Sandy,€but€then,€she€ņņisóó€one€of€those€girls€with€an€attitude.€Š Å( ŠMiss€Oh„Look„At„Me„Iššm„Better„Than„Everyone„Else.€€€€€€ĢĢFriday€after€school:€Our€pranks€were€complete€and€we€had€gotten€our€revenge.€€We€wereĻsatisfied.€€For€that€go€around,€anyway.€€Thereššs€more€to€come.€€€Perhaps€a€prom€fiasco?€€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō,ĻŌ_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō,€and€I€met€at€the€pizza€place€next€to€Zucchiniššs€for€a€couple€of€pizzas€and€milk€shakes.€€Ģą [ ąš šWhy€do€you€order€peppers€when€you€know€I€donššt€like€them?šš€I€asked€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō,€for€aboutĻthe€millionth€time€since€Iššve€known€him.Ģą [ ąš šSo€I€can€have€more,€thatššs€why,€hot„shot.šš€€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō€glanced€at€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō,€probably€wishing€sheĻwasnššt€seeing€him€stuff€his€face€and€body€with€greasy€pizza.Ģą [ ąš šNice,€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō.€€Wait€and€see€what€happens€to€ņņyouóó€now.ššŠ ˆ$ė2 Šą [ ąŌ_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€started€telling€about€the€pranks€she€pulled€and€how€she€felt€and€what€the€otherĻpeople€did€and€all€of€those€juicy€details.€€Ģą [ ąš šI€did€manage€to€throw€a€worm€down€on€Frannyššs€notebook€while€she€was€in€the€lunchĻline,šš€she€laughed.€A€piece€of€chewed€pizza€flew€across€the€table€and€landed€on€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ōššs€plate.€ĻHe€simply€pushed€it€aside.€€š šOh,€sorry,€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō.€€I€forgot€my€manners.šš€€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ōššs€face€blushed.€€SheĻcontinued€to€talk€and€laugh.€€š šWhen€she€got€back€to€the€table...and€saw€that€thing...she€startedŠ 3,–'> Šscreaming€again€like€she€did€in€class.€€I€almost€peed€my€pants.šš€€Here,€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€had€to€take€a€breathĻbecause€she€was€laughing€so€hard.€€š šIššll€tell€you,€seeing€those€two€girls€freaking€out€over€theĻworms€in€their€soil...and€the€beetles...and€the€slugs...will€last€me€a€lifetime.šš€€She€wiped€the€tearsĻfrom€her€eyes,€then€Ō_ŌAvaŌ_Ō€sat€back€in€the€booth€with€her€hands€on€her€lap.€€I€knew€that€her€legsĻwere€stretched€out€and€crossed.€€€And€Ō_ŌMeekoŌ_Ō,€well,€he€looked€like€Cupid€shot€ten€arrows€into€hisĻbig€Italian€body.ą  ąŠ ū ^  Šą [ ąWhen€I€got€to€work,€Mr.€Zucchini€was€fuming€at€me.€€I€didnššt€care.€€I€apologized,€though,Ļand€put€on€my€dark€blue€apron.€€Pinned€on€my€name€tag.€€Went€about€stocking€tissues,€paperĻtowels,€maxi€pads,€tampons,€and€those€panty€things€that€have€wings€on€them.€€And€then€I€startedĻthinking€about€Linda€Ō_ŌHamburghŌ_Ō€and€my€mind€floated€away€to€a€different€time.€€You€thought€IĻforgot€about€her,€didnššt€you?€€No€way.€€As€the€hours€ticked€by,€I€thought€more€and€more€aboutĻLinda.€€I€had€this€overwhelming€sensation€to€just€take€her€into€my€arms.€€Then€I€would€kiss€herĻpassionately€on€her€plump€and€juicy€lips.€€And€she€would€like€it.€€€Ģą [ ąJust€before€closing€at€ten,€I€heard€the€little€dingle€bell€ding.€€I€looked€to€the€left€so€fastĻthat€I€hurt€my€neck.€€Linda€was€there.€€She€was€alone.€€And€I€was€alone€at€the€register.€€That€wasĻmy€chance.€€Even€though€I€conquered€big€bad€bullies€earlier€that€day,€I€had€enough€energy€toĻspeak€to€Linda.€€My€mind€was€made€upš!šI€would€ask€her€a€question.€€What€that€question€wasĻexactly,€I€wasnššt€too€sure.Ģą [ ąš šHi,šš€I€said€to€her€at€the€register.€€She€was€buying€mousse€for€her€radiant€auburnĻcurlsš!šthe€same€mousse€I€used.€€Ģą [ ąShe€smiled.€€Her€hair€was€pinned€up€on€the€sides€by€a€barrette€so€I€could€see€the€rubyĻstuds€in€her€ears.Ģą [ ąš šFind€everything€you€need?šš€Ģą [ ąShe€nodded.€€Okay,€she€still€wasnššt€talking€to€me.€€You€know€how€I€said€before€that€mostĻweeks€nothing€extraordinary€happens?€€Well,€on€top€of€the€whole€retaliation€thing,€Linda€lookedĻup€at€me€with€her€quarter„sized€brown€eyes,€kind€of€shy„like.€€We€held€eye€contact€for€three€longĻseconds.€€A€record!Ģą [ ąš šYou€got€the€time,€by€any€chance?šš€I€asked.Ģą [ ąš šYouššre€wearing€a€watch,€Leo.šš€€Ģą [ ąShe€knew€my€name.€€How€did€she€know€my€name?€€I€laughed€a€really€stupid€laugh€that€IĻhad€never€ever€heard€come€out€of€my€mouth.€EVER.€€The€strawberries€surfaced€in€my€cheeksĻand€on€the€tip€of€my€nose;€I€could€feel€them.€€To€top€it€off,€I€sneezed€three€times.€€When€IŠ ,z'> Šrecovered,€Linda€looked€like€an€angel€standing€there,€holding€out€her€vanilla„pudding€hand€forĻher€change.Ģą [ ąš šBless€you,šš€she€said€quietly.€€I€could€see€by€the€expression€on€her€face€that€she€wasĻpolitely€holding€back€her€laughter.€€I€was€just€so€ridiculous„looking,€my€face€all€red€and€my€eyesĻfilled€with€water.€€If€I€were€me€in€her€position,€even€I€would€have€laughed€at€me.Ģą [ ąš šThanks.€€Ō_ŌHowššdŌ_Ō€you€know€my€name?ššĢą [ ąš šYouššre€wearing€a€name€tag.šš€€My€fingers€touched€my€plastic€tag.€€Idiot.€€š šPlus,€I€alwaysĻsee€you€in€here,šš€she€said€with€an€angelic€voice,€her€eyes€looking€down€at€her€hand€still€restingĻon€the€counter,€palm€up,€waiting€for€her€change.€€But€I€had€forgotten€about€it€by€thenš!šher€change,ĻI€mean.Ģą [ ąš šWith€tax,€thatššs€gonna€be€three„sixty.ššĢą [ ąShe€wrinkled€her€brow€and€told€me€that€she€gave€me€a€five€and€was€waiting€for€herĻchange.€€My€brain€was€on€overload.€€Hell,€it€was€a€miracle€that€I€was€still€able€to€move€my€lips.€ĻSo€I€said€something€else€stupid€and€handed€her€the€change.€€But€I€couldnššt€shut€up.Ģą [ ąš šHowššs€choir€going?šš€€Wow!€€A€conversation.Ģą [ ąHer€eyes€got€wide.€€She€obviously€wasnššt€expecting€me€to€ask€that€question.€€š šItššs€good.€ĻReal€good,€thanks.šš€€ą  ąŠ ż`  Šą [ ąš šSure,šš€I€said,€wiping€my€right€eye€with€the€back€of€my€hand.€€š šSorry€about€the€watchĻthing.€€I€was€so€overwhelmed€by€your€presence€and€voice€that€I€forgot€I€was€wearing€it.šš€€OH€NO!€ĻDid€that€pop€out€of€my€mouth?€€€A€perfect€example€of€the€sixteen„year„old€male€mouth€out€ofĻcontrol€and€honest.Ģą [ ąYou€wanna€know€what€happened€next,€right?€€Well,€Iššll€tell€you€quick€so€I€can€go€eatĻdinner.€€Two€seconds€after€my€little€outburst€of€delirious€whatever€you€want€to€call€it,€Lindaššs€faceĻlooked€like€it€would€burn€off€of€her€skull€and€I€almost€fainted€from€embarrassment.€€Seriously.€€If€IĻhadnššt€grabbed€the€counter,€I€wouldššve€fallen€backwards€into€the€film€and€instant€cameras.€€As€itĻwas,€I€knocked€over€the€Wrigleyššs€display.€€Those€little€five€packs€of€gum€went€scattering€all€overĻthe€floor€in€front€of€the€counter.€€I€think€the€heat€in€my€face€killed€the€acne€virus€because€my€skinĻhas€been€clear€all€this€week.€€And€things€that€night€worked€out€okay€for€me.€€Linda€said€she€wasĻflattered€and€that€I€was€sweet.Ģą [ ąSo,€who€knows€what€happens€from€here.€€I€saw€Linda€in€school€yesterday.€€She€wasĻwearing€a€long€black€skirt€with€a€short„sleeve€yellow€sweater€and€her€hair€was€shiny€and€flowing,Ļjust€like€auburn€waves.€€Hormones€began€bumping€into€each€other€when€I€saw€her.€€Linda€wavedŠ ,z'> Šand€smiled.€€Now,€Iššm€not€saying€that€anything€much€will€come€of€a€simple€little€wave€and€smile,Ļbut€stranger€things€ņņhaveóó€happened.€€Š ćF ŠÓ€3³ÓÓ€ÓŌ#† X2mXõ ōżVņ—#ŌÓ  ÓÓ  ÓĢĢĢĢą [ ąą ³ ąĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢŠ ,s', ЇĢĢĢĢĢÓRÓÓ€ÓŌ‡X ©XX X2mŌŌ‡¼#+»XX ©ŌÓ€Óń®ńņ ņń®ńTHE€SUMMER€MY€LIFE€ENDEDŌ#† ¼Ė–»»¼#+ß#ŌŌ#† X2mX» ¼Ė–ž#ŌŠ 9 œ ŠÓ  ÓĢĢĢĢĢĢÓ€ ÓÓ3³€ÓŌ‡ ¼Ė–»X X2mŌŌ‡¼#+»» ¼Ė–Ōą [ ąŌ#†X ©X»¼#+é #ŌŌ‡ō·fõXX ©ŌJust€thinking€about€leaving€Briggs€Beach€made€the€tears€come.€€IŠ ńT  Šhad€grown€up€in€the€town€for€sixteen€years,€and€leaving€just€didnššt€makeĻany€sense.€€It€didnššt€matter€that€we€were€poor€back€then;€it€didnšštĻmatter€that€Dad€and€Uncle€Dom€lost€their€furniture€shop;€it€made€noĻdifference€that€Mama€was€sick€and€just€had€to€live€somewhere€else,€awayĻfrom€the€damp,€coastal€€air.€€No.€€All€that€mattered€was€that€I€had€justĻturned€sixteen€that€summer,€had€become€a€young€woman,€and€my€whole€lifeĻwas€falling€apart.€€Of€course,€nothing€would€ever€be€the€same.€€And€theĻwarm€tears€flowed€and€flowed,€just€like€the€Briggs€Bay€into€theĻAtlantic.ĢĢą [ ąTwo€years€later,€I€can€still€remember€it€like€it€happened€tenĻminutes€ago.€€Cousins€Jeff€and€Tamara€were€outside€with€me€by€the€oldĻoak€tree.€€The€sunššs€beams€broke€into€slivers€of€light€through€theĻtreeššs€large€green€leaves.€€We€were€sipping€very€sweet€lemonade€andĻtalking€about€different€locals€we€knew€were€leaving€for€the€summer€andĻthose€summer€refugees€we€knew€would€be€returning€to€the€east€coast€ofĻMaine€for€a€few€weeks€or€for€the€whole€season.€€€Cousin€Jeff€wasĻincessantly€yapping€about€his€baseball€team,€the€Lobster€Traps,Ļtraveling€north€for€the€week€to€play€a€series€of€games€against€anotherĻteam€of€teenagers€just€like€hisš!š„minor€league€hopefuls.Ģą [ ąMy€life€changed€right€there€under€that€tree,€sipping€MamaššsŠ B+„&6 Šlemonade€in€my€new€light€blue€bikini€top€and€board€shorts,€carelesslyĻswinging€on€the€old€tire€swing€my€dad€had€hung€when€I€was€a€baby.€€UncleĻDom€came€sauntering€out€from€our€screened„in€porch.€€He€was€holding€aĻcan€of€beer€that€was€stuffed€tightly€into€one€of€those€trashy€beerĻhuggers€sold€at€gas€stations.€€It€was€all€black€except€for€a€white€imageĻof€a€naked€lady€with€pink€nipples.€€I€had€never€seen€Uncle€Dom€with€aĻbeer€before,€nor€had€I€seen€his€face€as€long€as€it€was€right€then.€€TheĻdarkened€skin€under€his€eyes€droopedš!š„as€did€his€chin.€€He€looked€olderĻthan€he€had€earlier€that€day€when€he€kissed€Mamaššs€cheek€and€pouredĻhimself€a€mug€of€hot,€fresh€coffee.€€A€really€bad€feeling€poked€theĻinsides€of€my€stomach€and€I€could€feel€acid€wanting€to€make€its€way€upĻmy€esophagus.€€I€recall€swallowing€until€I€had€no€more€saliva€to€keepĻthe€acid€down.€€My€throat€burned.Ģą [ ąAs€Uncle€Dom€approached€us,€I€dug€my€feet€into€the€sand€to€haltĻthe€tire€swing.€€Jeff€stopped€talking€and€Tamara€lowered€the€glass€ofĻlemonade€from€her€lips.€€The€three€of€us€quickly€looked€at€each€other;Ļthen€our€focus€remained€on€Uncle€Dom,€Jeff€and€Tamaraššs€father,€myĻfatherššs€brother.Ģą [ ąš šWhatššs€up,€Pop?šš€Jeff€asked,€leaning€his€back€against€the€coolĻtrunk€of€the€oak.Ģą [ ąš šA€lot,€son.ššĢą [ ąThere€was€just€something€ominous€in€the€way€he€said€those€threeĻwords€that€made€me€want€to€cry.€€And€for€some€reason,€I€knew€what€he€wasĻabout€to€say.€€I€mean,€it€was€really€no€secret€that€Dragon€Furniture€wasĻnot€the€most€successful€business€in€Briggs€Beach.€€Ever€since€Dad€andĻUncle€Dom€started€making€furniture€back€when€they€were€in€high€school,Ļthey€never€found€the€right€groove.€€There€was€always€someone€else,€aĻbigger€corporation,€that€could€do€everything€faster€and€in€volume.€€ButĻmy€dad€would€say,€š šDamn€those€big€guys,€anyway.€€We€canššt€let€thoseĻpricks€get€to€us.€€We€do€custom€pieces€and€our€customers€love€every€bitĻof€what€we€do.šš€€And€then€Uncle€Dom€would€usually€say€something€positiveŠ £+'< Šbefore€telling€Dad€that€Dragon€Furniture€needed€more€than€just€a€fewĻsatisfied€and€loyal€customers.€€€Then€Dad€would€call€Uncle€Dom€young€andĻimmature.€€Seemed€like€Dad€blamed€a€lot€of€his€brotherššs€visions€andĻideas€on€the€fact€that€he€was€eight€years€younger.€€Uncle€Dom€had€plansĻto€expand,€to€be€biggerš!š„better.€€To€make€Dragon€Furniture€the€mostĻrespected,€well„known,€and€successful€furniture€business€on€the€wholeĻeast€coast.€€But€Dad€would€never€listen€to€him;€heššd€just€twist€the€topĻoff€a€bottle€of€beer€and€go€by€the€water€and€think.ĢĢą [ ąI€cried€almost€every€day€for€the€three€weeks€before€we€actuallyĻmoved€away€from€the€only€place€Iššd€ever€really€known.€€And€it€wasnšštĻonly€because€I€was€leaving€my€friends,€my€school,€my€soccer€team.€€ItĻall€boiled€down€to€me€leaving€my€home.€€Briggs€Beach€held€all€of€myĻmemories.€€The€grocer,€banker,€sheriff,€mayor,€car€wash€operator,€allĻknew€my€name€and€had€known€me€since€I€was€too€little€to€remember€themĻgiving€my€cheeks€pinches,€or€handing€me€a€lollipop.€€Maybe€it€was€theĻocean€air€that€I€loved€so€much€that€made€my€home€my€home.€€And€two€yearsĻlater,€it€is€still€hard€to€explain.€€I€just€knew€that€I€loved€BriggsĻBeach€more€than€anything€and€that€I€could€never€love€another€place€theĻsame€way.€€Ģą [ ąSome€of€the€older€people€in€my€family€thought€that€all€of€myĻcarrying€on,€as€they€called€it,€was€silly€and€nonsensical.€€The€ones€notĻmoving€away€would€try€to€make€me€understand€one€pragmatic€reason€afterĻanother€why€it€was€the€best€thing€that€we€move€somewhere€else€and€startĻagain.€€How€much€better€Mama€would€be€now€that€we€could€go€somewhereĻless€damp€than€the€east€coast€of€Maine.€€How€Dad€would€have€steady€workĻand€could€pull€the€family€out€of€debt.€€š šYouššre€only€moving€down€fiftyĻmiles€and€over€another€fifty.€€Come€visit€whenever€you€want.šš€Aunt€Ō_ŌCheriŌ_ŌĻtold€me€that€a€dozen€times€one€day.€€Surely€she€would€have€made€it€aĻbakerššs€dozen€had€I€not€asked€her€to€keep€quiet€and€leave€me€alone.€€TheĻnerve€of€that€woman€telling€me€how€it€was€when€she€wasnššt€the€oneŠ £+'< Šleaving.€€She€wasnššt€sixteen€and€leaving€the€best€place€to€live€on€theĻplanet.€€š šYouššll€make€new€friends,šš€others€would€say.€€€No€matter€what€IĻtold€any€adult,€that€person€didnššt€really€hear€my€words.€Ģą [ ąOne€night€after€a€late€dinner€with€Uncle€Dom,€Jeff,€Tamara,€Mama,Ļand€Dad,€I€took€a€walk.€€I€could€hear€the€waves€crashing€against€theĻrocks€beyond€my€backyard,€and€the€smell€on€the€heavy€air€was€somethingĻthat€I€could€never€forget.€€The€way€the€salt€could€get€into€my€nostrilsĻand€linger€for€hours€was€amazing.€€And€the€moon€was€following€me€aroundĻevery€turn€I€made€through€the€sleepy€neighborhood.€€I€would€have€walkedĻdown€by€the€water,€but€that€was€off€limits€to€me€at€night€when€I€wasĻalone.€€I€never€fought€about€it€either€because€thatššs€something€thatĻmade€senseš!š„even€as€a€young€girl€who€wanted€to€do€whatever€she€wanted€toĻdo€whenever€she€wanted€to€do€it.€Ģą [ ąš šHey,€Ginny,šš€I€heard€behind€me.€€š šHold€up€a€sec.ššĢą [ ąI€knew€who€it€was€without€turning€around.€€Jeremy€Castle€was€oneĻof€my€childhood€friends.€€Heššd€always€been€kind€of€sweet€on€me€and€thatĻmade€me€feel€good€when€I€was€going€through€a€bad€period.€€Puberty€wasĻnot€very€nice€to€me.€€I€developed€lots€of€areas€before€many€of€the€otherĻgirls€in€my€school.€€I€didnššt€mind€so€much€in€the€summer€when€Iššd€wearĻmy€bikini€because€the€older€boys€would€want€to€talk€to€me,€thinking€IĻwas€older€than€what€I€was.€€But€playing€soccer€with€breasts€like€mineĻwas€no€fun.€€Just€to€minimize€movement,€I€would€wear€two€sports€bras€atĻthe€same€time.€€Ģą [ ąThe€relationship€Jeremy€and€I€had€was€mostly€platonic.€€ThankĻgoodness€he€never€pushed€the€issue€because€that€would€have€spoiledĻeverything.€Ģą [ ąš šWhy€you€going€so€fast?ššĢą [ ąš šIššm€not,šš€I€said.€€š šHey,€letššs€go€by€the€water,€okay.ššĢą [ ąš šSure.ššĢą [ ąI€was€glad€that€Jeremy€showed€up.€€He€would€do€that€once€in€aĻwhile.€€Just€show€up.€€And€itššs€strange€that€he€could€appear€when€IŠ £+'< Šneeded€him€the€most.€€Tears€had€been€trying€to€fall€from€my€eyes€theĻwhole€time€I€was€eating€dinner,€listening€to€the€moving€plans,€notĻparticipating.€€Seemed€like€I€was€the€only€one€in€my€family€who€hatedĻthe€idea€of€moving€away€from€Briggs€Beach.€€Even€my€cousins,€who€alsoĻgrew€up€there€from€birth,€were€not€opposed€to€the€idea.€€Ģą [ ąJeremy€and€I€walked€along€the€coastline,€our€sandals€looselyĻdangling€from€our€fingers.€€As€we€imprinted€the€hard€sand€with€our€bareĻfeet,€I€could€feel€him€moving€closer€and€closer€to€me.€€I€didnššt€mind€atĻall.€€Right€then€I€liked€it.€€I€was€able€to€really€understand€theĻfeelings€he€had€for€me.€€What€I€couldnššt€understand€was€why€I€couldnšštĻfeel€those€same€feelings€for€him.€€The€tears€started€to€fall.Ģą [ ąš šGin,€whatššs€the€matter?šš€Jeremy€asked,€holding€out€his€arm€toĻstop€me€from€walking€any€further.Ģą [ ąš šThe€same€thing.€€Moving.ššĢą [ ąš šI€donššt€know€what€to€tell€you,€Gin,šš€he€said€thoughtfully.€€š šIĻknow€you€donššt€want€to€hear€anything€positive,€like€what€you€say€yourĻfamily€tells€you.€€I€think€I€can€understand€what€you€might€be€feeling.ššĢą [ ąHis€eyes€locked€on€mine.€€In€the€moonlight€his€eyes€looked€black,Ļbut€I€knew€they€were€the€brightest€green€eyes€Iššd€ever€seen.€€He€reachedĻout€and€hugged€me.€€We€had€hugged€before,€but€this€hug€was€different.€ĻIt€all€had€to€do€with€the€look€heššd€given€me.€Ģą [ ąWhen€he€pulled€away,€I€could€see€that€he,€too,€was€crying.€€I€tookĻhis€hand€and€led€him€up€the€embankment€so€we€could€sit€down.€€He€wrappedĻhis€right€arm€around€me€and€I€let€him.Ģą [ ąš šYouššre€leaving,šš€he€said€so€softly€I€almost€didnššt€catch€what€heĻsaid.€€š šWeššve€been€friends€since€we€were€five€or€something€like€that.€ĻOut€of€that€time,€out€of€the€time€Iššve€thought€about€kissing€you€andĻholding€your€hand,€I€never€thought€about€being€apart€like€weššll€be.€ĻŌ_ŌThisššllŌ_Ō€be€pretty€tough€on€me,€Virginia€Dragon.ššĢą [ ąWhat€he€said€made€sense€and€it€did€not€make€me€feel€uncomfortable.€ĻRight€then€I€realized€how€much€of€an€effect€my€moving€would€have€onŠ £+'< Šother€people,€too.€€Like€my€soccer€team.€€And€Kate,€my€best€friend.€ĻJeremy€Castle.€€I€thought€about€that€for€a€minute,€then€focused€again€onĻwhat€was€at€hand.€€I€was€moving€away€and€that€would€forever€change€myĻlife.Ģą [ ąJeremy€and€I€sat€like€that€for€about€an€hour.€€The€sand€was€coolĻunder€my€feet€and€gritty€between€my€toes.€€Although€the€wind€was€chilly,Ļit€felt€nice€on€my€face€and€in€my€frizzed„out€hair.€€Chill€bumps€coveredĻmy€legs.€€I€began€to€shiver,€but€did€not€want€to€go€home.€€With€my€rightĻhand,€I€used€a€stick€to€dig€a€good„sized€hole€I€was€hoping€would€suck€meĻin€and€keep€me€there€forever.Ģą [ ąWhen€Jeremy€looked€at€his€watch€he€groaned,€knowing€he€had€to€beĻhome€very€soon.€€So,€he€stood€up€and€pulled€me€to€my€feet.€€We€walked€inĻsilence€toward€his€house,€along€the€humid€coast,€hearing€the€water€lapĻagainst€the€shore€and€break€over€the€rocks.€€Here€and€there,€small€whiteĻcrabs€scurried€about.€€Just€before€we€reached€his€house€I€stopped.€€IĻlooked€up€at€Jeremy€Castle€and€moved€toward€him€a€bit;€then€I€kissedĻhim.€€He€pulled€me€to€him€and€we€stood€like€that,€the€tips€of€ourĻtongues€touching,€in€and€out€of€each€otherššs€mouth.€€Even€though€I€couldĻfeel€his€erection€on€my€stomach,€we€still€kissed.€€Ģą [ ąš šThank€you,€Germy,šš€I€said€after€I€pulled€away.Ģą [ ąNormally,€he€would€have€laughed€at€the€nickname€and€rolled€hisĻbig,€green€eyes.€€But€Jeremy€didnššt€laugh;€he€didnššt€say€anything€backĻto€me€and€he€didnššt€even€really€smile.€€Jeremy€looked€sad.€€I€think€heĻknew€what€I€meant€by€what€I€said.€€Then€he€walked€to€his€back€gate€andĻdisappeared€into€the€tall€hedges€lining€the€path€to€his€porch€door.€ĻWatching€him€walk€away,€I€wondered€if€I€would€ever€see€him€again.€€And€IĻstood€there,€out€of€the€moonlight,€grinding€shells€into€the€sand€with€myĻheel,€and€I€cried€for€my€friend.Ģą [ ąĢą [ ąThe€morning€we€left€Briggs€Beach€the€sun€was€blazing€and€it€wasĻbusiness€as€usual.€€The€amusement€ride€workers€were€riding€their€bikesŠ £+'< Šor€skate€boards€to€the€small€boardwalk€where€they€would€stand€in€the€sunĻfor€eight€hours,€hearing€kids€scream,€praying€none€of€them€vomited.€€TheĻfishermen€were€coming€and€going,€right€on€schedule.€€Delivery€trucksĻwere€abundant€along€the€one€main€road€in€Briggs€Beach.€€I€had€gotten€upĻbefore€the€sun€showed€over€the€horizon.€€When€it€did€show€itself,€itsĻgold€made€me€squint€through€the€tears€in€my€eyes,€making€them€burn.€€TheĻrelatively€calm€Atlantic€sparkled€like€a€field€of€diamonds€under€theĻdawnššs€light.€€This€was€moving€day„„my€last€Briggs€Beach€sunrise.€€ToĻme,€it€was€worth€more€than€gold.Ģą [ ąWhile€everyone€was€running€around€checking€this€and€that,€I€spentĻmy€last€hours€on€the€coarse€sand,€thinking.€€My€tears€were€hot€againstĻmy€sunburned€cheeks.€€I€held€my€hand€against€my€brow€to€shield€the€sunĻas€I€looked€to€my€left,€hoping€to€see€Jeremy.€I€donššt€know€why€I€didnšštĻjust€go€to€his€house.€€Sitting€there,€I€thought€about€a€couple€of€weeksĻago€when€I€kissed€him,€and€he€kissed€me€back.€€The€look€on€his€faceĻbefore€he€turned€away€from€me€hurt;€it€was€burned€into€the€backs€of€myĻeyes.€€His€eyes€seemed€so€dark€and€deep.€€€That€look€screamed€a€thousandĻwords€and€emotions€all€at€once.€€I€was€trying€to€figure€out€why€he€wasĻin€my€head€so€much,€and€what€was€that€feeling€in€my€gut?Ģą [ ąI€looked€to€my€right€and€saw€the€big€rock€with€the€names€of€manyĻkids€all€over€it.€€Mine€was€near€the€top,€printed€neatly€in€small€blockĻletters€with€silver€nail€polish.€€I€got€up€and€walked€to€itš!š„climbed€upĻand€traced€my€name€with€my€finger.€€The€night€I€painted€the€name€GinnyĻDragon€on€that€rock€was€the€night€of€my€first€kiss.€€Nick€Ō_ŌBrewsterŌ_Ō€was€aĻkid€from€New€Hampshire€who€always€came€to€Briggs€Beach€for€the€summerĻuntil€his€family€moved€to€Alabama;€that€was€the€year€I€left€BriggsĻBeach.€€His€parents€were€white,€but€he€was€from€Puerto€Rico,€adopted€asĻan€infant.€€He€had€jet€black€hair€that€he€kept€longer€on€the€top€than€onĻthe€sides.€€And€he€always€wore€a€black€shell€necklace€around€his€tannedĻneck.€€I€thought€he€was€so€cool€with€that€little€gold€hoop€in€his€leftĻear€and€a€rope€bracelet€around€his€wrist.€€Nick€liked€to€body€board€andŠ £+'< ŠI€watched€him€everyday.€€He€noticed€me,€introduced€himself,€and€we€hungĻout€for€a€few€days.€€The€rock„painting€night€we€kissed€for€the€firstĻtime.€€I€was€fourteen;€he€was€fifteen.€€For€the€two€remaining€weeks€ofĻhis€vacation€in€Briggs€Beach,€we€met€every€night€by€the€rock€and€talkedĻand€kissed€and€I€would€let€him€go€to€second€base€if€I€felt€like€it,Ļnever€beyond.€€Ģą [ ąNick€Ō_ŌBrewsterŌ_Ō€left€my€home€town€just€before€a€huge€storm€hit€theĻcoast.€€We€said€our€good„byes€down€by€Ō_ŌMackeyŌ_Ō€Marketššs€dock€as€the€menĻwere€bringing€in€traps€filled€with€huge,€snapping€lobsters€that€wouldĻsoon€be€sold€and€eaten.€€The€next€summer,€Nick€and€I€acted€like€weĻdidnššt€even€know€each€other.€€That€was€strange.€€But€that€was€part€ofĻgrowing€up.€€Ģą [ ąThe€time€I€had€left€in€Briggs€Beach€was€quickly€dwindling.€€It€wasĻas€if€I€had€a€gigantic€clock€strapped€to€my€back€that€was€ticking€like€aĻtime„bomb,€never€letting€me€forget€what€was€happening,€not€even€lettingĻup€an€ounce.€€My€cousin,€Jeff,€had€to€come€find€me€on€the€beach.€€HeĻknew€exactly€where€Iššd€be.€For€a€while,€we€chucked€rocks€into€the€water.€ĻWhat€was€great€about€that€moment€on€the€beach€with€him€was€that€heĻdidnššt€say€anything€to€me.€€He€didnššt€try€to€delude€me€by€saying€whatĻeveryone€else€in€the€family€was€saying.€€Jeff€knew€that€the€only€home€IĻcould€ever€have,€as€a€younger€person,€was€in€Briggs€Beach.€€Leaving€hisĻhome,€three€blocks€from€mine,€was€not€a€big€deal€for€Jeff€Dragon€becauseĻhe€had€better€baseball€opportunities€in€Boston.€€Tamara,€though,€hisĻyounger€sister€by€two€years,€was€not€as€psyched€about€leaving,€but€sheĻunderstood€that€Dragon€Furniture€had€more€of€a€future€in€Massachusetts.€ĻAnd€because€she€was€always€so€materialistic,€the€move€suited€her€justĻfine.Ģą [ ąWe€pulled€out€of€the€driveway€that€morning€before€the€real€trafficĻstarted.€€The€kind€of€traffic€that€made€me€so€glad€to€live€on€the€waterĻand€close€to€downtown€all€at€once.€€I€sat€in€the€back€of€our€1988ĻCutlass€and€watched,€with€tears€in€my€eyes,€on€my€face,€and€in€my€lap,Š £+'< Šas€we€passed€under€the€archway€sign€that€read€Welcome€to€Briggs€Beach,ĻMaine.€€I€knew€that€I€would€always€be€welcome€there,€just€like€anyĻstranger,€but€a€part€of€me€died€right€then.€€My€heart€pounded€so€hard€inĻmy€body€that€I€thought€I€might€pass€out.€€Mama€reached€over€the€seat€andĻheld€onto€my€right€knee;€she€was€crying,€too.€€Ģą [ ąI€looked€out€the€back€window,€hoping€to€see€Jeremy€Castle€ridingĻhis€bike€or€Kate€or€Robin€or€Ō_ŌMichaŌ_Ō€or€Tiff€or€any€of€my€friends,€chasingĻthe€car,€forcing€my€father€to€pull€over,€tearing€me€from€the€seat,€notĻletting€me€leave.€€Ģą [ ąIn€my€head€I€made€leaving€so€dramatic.€€It€was€the€absolute€worstĻthing€that€could€possibly€happen.€€I€had€just€turned€sixteen€and€didnšštĻeven€have€my€driverššs€license.€€My€last€two€years€of€high€school€wouldĻbe€completed€at€a€different€school,€with€different€people€who€hadĻdifferent€ways€of€living.€€That€is€not€what€I€wanted.€€I€wantedĻeverything€to€always€be€the€same.€€Of€course,€nothing€would€ever€be€theĻway€it€was€in€Briggs€Beach€because€I€wouldnššt€let€it.€ĢĢą [ ąAutumn€began€to€show€its€presence€just€before€Labor€Day;€the€hotĻsummer€air€had€cooled€off€a€bit€by€then€and€the€air€had€a€differentĻsmellš!š„a€dirty,€leaf„changing€smell.€€It€was€September€again€and€I€wasĻbeginning€a€new€school€year€at€a€very€new€school.€€Lake€Shore€High€wasĻdefinitely€far€away€from€any€sort€of€lake€and€it€was€twice€the€size€ofĻmy€old€school.€€I€was€immediately€intimidated.€€Going€from€elementaryĻschool€to€middle€school€to€high€school€were€changes€I€could€make€alongĻwith€my€friends.€€This€change€of€schools€was€much€Ō_ŌmuchŌ_Ō€different.€€TheĻkids€at€this€new€school€dressed€like€it€mattered€and€most€of€the€girlsĻwere€so€vain€that€it€made€me€nauseous€to€look€at€them.€€At€least€I€wasĻable€to€join€the€soccer€team,€but€even€a€lot€of€those€girls€were€moreĻworried€about€their€hair€and€nails€than€actually€playing€the€game.€€AtĻlunch€time,€I€would€take€my€brown€bag,€usually€containing€a€sandwich€ofĻsome€sort,€a€small€bag€of€cookies,€and€an€apple€or€orange,€out€to€theŠ £+'< Šedge€of€the€trees€by€the€playing€fields.€€It€all€boiled€down€to€meĻtrying€to€find€some€place€where€I€could€be€alone€and€sulk€if€I€wantedĻto.Ģą [ ąUnder€the€trees€I€found€a€spot€I€liked.€€By€myself,€I€could€viewĻthe€school€and€the€other€kids€walking€around€by€the€cafeteria,€talkingĻabout€this€person€or€that€person,€late€night€television,€or€someĻupcoming€test€or€project€details.€€I€would€imagine€myself€with€thoseĻpeople,€except€those€people€were€my€friends€from€Briggs€Beach.€Ģą [ ąAnd€then€one€day,€a€Friday,€as€I€sat€alone€under€a€huge€oak€treeĻthat€reminded€me€of€the€tree€with€the€dangling€tire€swing€that€I€left€inĻmy€backyard,€two€girls€from€my€soccer€team€and€three€players€from€theĻguysšš€team€walked€up€to€me.€€They€stood€there€watching€me€chew€the€lastĻof€my€chocolate€chip€cookies.€€I€brushed€the€crumbs€from€the€corners€ofĻmy€mouth.Ģą [ ąš šGinny,€howššs€it€going?šš€€asked€Andrea,€one€of€the€girls€on€theĻteam€I€actually€liked.€€She€didnššt€care€about€make„up€and€nail€polish.€ĻAndrea€liked€to€win.€€She€was€a€very€tall€girl€for€sixteen,€about€five„¼nine€or€ten.€€Her€short€hair€made€her€seem€taller€than€that.€€For€aĻgoalie,€she€was€on€the€skinny€side,€but€her€right€leg€and€hips€couldĻpunt€a€ball€almost€to€the€fifty.Ģą [ ąš šGood,€thanks,šš€I€said.Ģą [ ąš šThis€is€Jacob,€Larry,€and€Grady,šš€she€said,€pointing€to€each€oneĻas€she€named€him.€€š šAnd€you€already€know€Tabby.ššą  ąą s ąą Ė ąą ## ąŠ ;!ž, Šą [ ąI€nodded€at€Tabby€Gingham,€a€fair„skinned€girl€with€gloomy€brownĻeyes,€whose€mouth€naturally€curved€down€into€a€frown.€€I€stood€up,€stuckĻout€my€hand€to€each€of€the€guys€and€said€it€was€good€to€meet€them.€€WhenĻI€said€that€I€was€Ginny€Dragon,€all€three€nodded€and€said€they€alreadyĻknew€that.€€I€felt€my€face€flush€a€bit,€but€knew€it€could€not€be€seenĻthrough€the€sunburn€on€my€cheeks.€€It€was€an€awkward€situation€for€someĻreason.€€And€there€was€this€strange€feeling€in€my€stomach€like€somethingĻwas€about€to€happen.€€With€so€many€things€running€through€my€head€atŠ £+'< Šonce,€especially€because€Jacob€reminded€me€of€Nick€Ō_ŌBrewsterŌ_Ō€and€GradyĻlooked€a€lot€like€Jeremy,€I€was€unable€to€say€anything€else.€€So€I€justĻstood€there,€looking€from€person€to€person.€€I€raised€my€eyebrows€atĻAndrea€and€she€started€talking€again.€Ģą [ ąš šOh,€well,€we€didnššt€mean€to€disturb€your€lunch,šš€Andrea€began,Ļš šitššs€just€that€I€wanted€you€to€meet€these€guys.ššĢą [ ąš šYeah,šš€Tabby€said.€€Her€eyes€were€dark€under€the€bill€of€herĻkiwi„colored€golf€visor.€€š šThey€were€interested€in€meeting€you.šš€€Ģą [ ąAll€three€of€the€guys€looked€at€the€ground€and€found€a€stick€or€aĻstone€to€kick.€€I€smiled.€€At€that€moment€I€felt€very€attractive,€almostĻsexy,€and€that€was€weird.€€But€the€way€Tabby€said€what€she€said€made€meĻuneasy;€I€couldnššt€figure€out€if€she€was€being€genuine€or€fake.€€ą Ė ąŠ ģO Šą [ ąš šWeššve€seen€you€play,šš€Grady€said,€jamming€his€hands€into€the€backĻpockets€of€his€jean€shorts.€€He€wore€a€new€pair€of€black€Ō_ŌMitreŌ_Ō€sandalsĻand€royal€blue€soccer€socks.Ģą [ ąš šYeah,€good€ball€skills,šš€Larry€told€me,€pointing€at€my€feet.Ģą [ ąš šThanks€a€lot,šš€I€said.€€š šThatššs€a€nice€compliment.ššĢą [ ąAs€the€six€of€us€stood€under€the€pine€trees€talking€for€theĻremainder€of€the€lunch€period€about€me€and€where€I€came€from,€grayingĻclouds€moved€swiftly€above€the€school;€the€sun€quickly€disappeared.€ĻJust€after€the€bell€rang,€Andrea€said€that€all€of€them€were€going€to€aĻlocal€burger€joint€around€six€to€hang€out,€eat,€then€hit€balls€at€theĻbatting€cage.€€Asked€if€I€was€interested€in€going.Ģą [ ąš šIššm€not€sure€if€I€can€tonight,šš€I€lied.€€š šIf€I€can,€then€IššllĻmeet€you€there.€€If€not,€then€Iššll€see€you€guys€at€the€game€tomorrow,Ļbut€thanks€anyway€for€asking.ššĢą [ ąThat€day€I€went€straight€home€after€schoolš!š„our€practice€had€beenĻcanceled€due€to€a€brief€thunder€storm€that€blew€through€the€area.€€So,Ļwhen€I€got€home,€I€went€to€my€room,€lay€on€my€bed,€and€stared€at€theĻceiling.€€I€played€over€and€over€in€my€head€what€happened€at€lunchĻearlier€that€day.€€And€I€realized€that€there€were€people€who€liked€me€atŠ £+'< Šmy€new€school.€€At€least€Andrea€had€to,€otherwise,€she€would€never€haveĻagreed€to€introduce€me€to€Jacob,€Larry,€and€Grady.€€I€couldnššt€be€sureĻthat€Tabby€really€liked€me,€but€that€didnššt€really€matter€much.€€TheĻfact€was€that€after€three€weeks€I€finally€connected€with€some€people.€ĻBy€that€time,€my€initial€intimidation€had€really€worn€down,€and€I€hadĻspoken€with€others€in€my€classes,€but€had€not€had€any€real€conversationsĻat€all,€even€at€practices.€€So,€that€invitation€meant€I€had€a€decisionĻto€make.€€Ģą [ ąLying€there€on€my€twin€bed,€I€weighed€the€pros€and€cons€of€goingĻand€not€going.€€Many€times€I€asked€myself€what€it€was€that€I€was€afraidĻof.€€Actually€liking€different€people?€€Or€forgetting€about€the€otherĻpeople€I€grew€up€with€and€loved?€€No€matter€how€I€felt€when€we€firstĻmoved,€about€eight€weeks€prior,€I€knew€that€I€had€to€stop€feeling€sorryĻfor€myself€and€start€feeling€glad€that€Mama,€even€in€that€short€periodĻof€time,€was€more€healthy,€and€that€Dad€was€making€steady€money€workingĻwith€a€third€cousin€of€his€who€managed€a€successful€furniture€shop€inĻŌ_ŌPramptonŌ_Ō,€two€towns€over€from€Lake€Shore.€Ģą [ ąIt€wasnššt€until€around€5:30,€when€Mama€knocked€on€the€door€askingĻif€I€wanted€some€dinner,€that€I€made€my€decision.€€The€pros€won.€€MyĻfather€dropped€me€off€at€Rogerššs€Steak€and€Eggs,€which€was€about€a€mileĻfrom€Lake€Shore€High€School.€€It€was€humid€that€night€because€of€theĻstorm.€€To€avoid€having€my€hair€look€like€a€big€brown€frizz€ballĻencircling€my€head,€I€pulled€it€back€into€a€pony€tail.€€It€wasnššt€like€IĻwas€going€on€a€date€or€anything€like€that€so€I€felt€comfortable€enoughĻwith€my€informal€look.€€And€because€it€was€still€warm€outside,€I€wore€aĻpair€of€khaki€shorts€with€a€navy,€long„sleeve€T„shirt.€Ģą [ ą€I€was€hoping€that€Grady€would€be€more€like€Jeremy€Castle€than€heĻwas€upon€our€first€meeting.€€The€first€time€I€saw€Grady€in€the€hallwayĻat€school,€I€had€to€look€three€times€to€be€positive€that€he€wasnšštĻJeremy€coming€to€look€for€me.€€Even€though€I€missed€Jeremy€a€lot,€I€hadĻonly€called€him€once€in€the€eight€weeks€I€was€gone.€€For€some€reason,€IŠ £+'< Šstill€couldnššt€get€that€forlorn€look€of€his€out€of€my€head.€€Plus,€afterĻbeing€accustomed€to€seeing€him€almost€everyday€of€my€whole€life,€it€tookĻa€lot€of€adjusting.€€Itššs€not€that€we€even€hung€out€together€each€day.€ĻItššs€just€that€I€could€always€count€on€Jeremy€being€around.€Ģą [ ąI€had€called€Kate€a€few€times€and€she€had€done€the€same.€€OnceĻwhen€she€called,€Tiff€and€Robin€were€at€her€house,€so€I€was€able€to€talkĻwith€all€of€them.€€I€heard€about€all€of€the€cute€boys€that€were€in€townĻfor€a€few€weeks,€what€happened€during€the€beach€horseshoe€competition,Ļwhich€kids€were€a€couple€for€the€summer,€who€their€teachers€were€goingĻto€be€during€their€junior€year.€€That€was€fun€and€refreshing.€€But€onceĻschool€started€we€didnššt€talk€as€often.€Ģą [ ąBefore€school€began,€every€time€I€talked€with€Kate,€or€withĻsomeone€else€from€Briggs€Beach,€I€lost€whatever€progress€I€had€madeĻduring€the€week.€€I€was€so€completely€sad€for€the€five€weeks€beforeĻschool€started,€that€all€I€ever€wanted€to€do€was€stay€in€my€room€andĻlisten€to€the€radio.€€I€felt€lost€without€the€water€in€my€backyard€andĻthe€cool,€soothing€sand€of€the€evening€under€my€feet.€€No€seagulls€flewĻaround€my€house.€€No€store€keeps€knew€my€name.Ģą [ ąUncle€Dom€dropped€by€one€day€with€Jeff.€€It€was€nice€to€see€thatĻTamara€wasnššt€with€them€because€I€was€in€no€mood€to€hear€her€scratchyĻvoice.€€We€have€always€had€a€very€good€love/hate€relationship€that€worksĻjust€fine.€€Jeff€brought€a€satchel€of€old€books€for€me€that€he€bought€atĻa€street€fair.€€Most€of€the€titles€I€didnššt€recognize,€but€there€wereĻsome€second€and€third€Dickens€editions,€and€one€really€great€findš!š„aĻfirst€edition€ņņWizard€of€Ozóó.€€When€I€saw€that€book,€I€jumped€on€Jeff€andŠ Õ#80 Štackled€him.€€I€laughed€and€screamed€and€laughed€and€screamed.€€It€wasĻthe€absolute€best€gift€anyone€could€have€given€me€right€then.€€Too€bad€IĻdidnššt€have€my€own€pair€of€sparkling€ruby€shoes.Ģą [ ąIn€the€restroom€at€Rogerššs€Steak€and€Eggs€I€found€out€from€TabbyĻthat€Larry€was€gay.€€It€seemed€like€she€was€expecting€me€to,€or€hoping€IĻwould,€make€a€crude€comment€about€Larryš!š„something€very€derogatory.€Š ©+ '< ŠThat€would€have€been€her€weapon€to€keep€me€out€of€their€little€group.€ĻAll€I€said€was,€š šOh,€I€guess€I€wonššt€hit€on€him€then.šš€€Tabby€didnšštĻlaugh€like€I€did;€I€thought€my€comment€was€clever.€€It€obviously€wasnšštĻthe€response€she€was€looking€for.€€She€crinkled€her€stubby€nose€andĻwalked€out€of€the€restroom,€leaving€me€alone€with€the€dripping€faucetĻand€loud€hand€dryer.Ģą [ ąAt€the€batting€cages,€Grady€walked€up€to€the€concessions€windowĻwith€me€to€get€all€of€us€drinks.€€He€started€some€small€talk€with€me,Ļtrying€to€find€out€how€I€liked€Lake€Shore€and€how€I€was€making€out€withĻmy€adjustment.€€Talking€to€him€I€realized€that€Grady€wasnššt€much€likeĻJeremy€at€all,€and€that€was€okay.€€Ģą [ ąš šI€donššt€know€if€I€should€say€anything€right€now€because€I€hardlyĻknow€any€of€you,šš€I€said€to€Grady€as€we€waited€in€line,€š šbut€whatššs€withĻTabby?€€She€doesnššt€seem€to€like€me€very€much.€€For€no€apparent€reason.ššĢą [ ąGrady€touched€my€arm.€€š šThere€is€an€apparent€reason,šš€he€said,Ļunconsciously€looking€at€my€chest.€€I€never€flinched,€though.€€š šWhenĻJacob€and€I€asked€Andrea€to€introduce€us€to€you,€Tabby€was€there.ššĢą [ ąI€looked€at€him€blankly,€knowing€that€there€was€an€underlyingĻreason€that€he€thought€I€should€understand.€€I€shrugged€and€opened€myĻeyes€wider,€an€indication€that€I€needed€more€information.€€When€heĻglanced€at€my€chest€again,€I€put€my€hands€on€my€hips€to€give€him€theĻwhole€effect.€€I€was€acting€out€of€character,€really,€but€it€was€fun.€ĻGrady€flinched.Ģą [ ąIgnoring€the€fact€that€I€caught€him€looking€at€my€chest,€GradyĻlaughed€at€himself€and€rolled€his€eyes.€€š šSorry,šš€he€said.€€š šI€forgotĻyou€just€got€here.šš€€He€furtively€looked€over€his€shoulders€as€if€heĻwere€about€to€disclose€some€ancient€secret.€€š šTabby€and€Jacob€used€to€goĻout.€€So€when€he€asked€about€you,€she€turned€green.ššĢą [ ąGrady€told€the€girl€through€the€small€window€that€he€wanted€fourĻlarge€orange€drinks€and€two€large€root€beers.Ģą [ ąš šOh,šš€I€whispered,€more€to€myself€than€to€Grady.€€š šThatššs€silly.ššŠ £+'< Šą [ ąš šYouššre€right.€€Jacobššs€a€good€guy€and€he€hates€it€that€Tabby€isĻlike€she€is.€€He€split€up€with€her€mostly€because€she€was€suffocatingĻhim.ššĢą [ ąš šI€donššt€want€to€make€any€enemies,€you€know,šš€I€told€him.Ģą [ ąš šNo.€€Yeah.€€I€get€it.€€I€wouldnššt€want€that€either.€€Donššt€worryĻabout€it.ššĢą [ ąš šIššll€just€put€up€with€it€until€she€gets€to€know€me€better,€IĻguess.šš€€I€reached€for€the€three€paper€cups€I€was€supposed€to€take€backĻto€the€others.€€š šIs€there€anything€else?šš€I€asked€him€once€we€wereĻheaded€back€toward€the€batting€cages.Ģą [ ąš šWhat€do€you€mean?ššĢą [ ąš šCome€on,€Grady,€I€saw€you€looking€at€my€chest.€€Is€she€sad€aboutĻthat?€€Because€she€doesnššt€have€as€much?ššĢą [ ąHe€stopped€walking.€€Grady€was€not€quick€to€answer.€Ģą [ ąš šKind€of.€€Yeah.€€Thatššs€what€Jacob€told€me€she€told€him,€but€itĻwasnššt€really€a€nice€thing€she€said.šš€€Grady€looked€embarrassed.Ģą [ ąš šYou€donššt€have€to€feel€embarrassed,€Grady.€€Boobs€are€boobs.€€YouĻhave€too€much€or€too€little.€€I€have€too€much€and€she€has€too€little.€ĻWho€knows,šš€I€said,€š šmaybe€sheššll€sprout€big€knockers€by€graduation.šš€€IĻwas€amazed€that€I€said€that€to€him.Ģą [ ąGrady€almost€dropped€the€drinks€he€was€holding.€€His€big€mouthĻopened€wide€when€he€laughed.€€Ģą [ ąš šThatššs€funny,€Ginny,šš€he€told€me.€€š šMature,€too,€I€guess.ššĢą [ ąš šWell,€if€you€had€these€things,€youššd€learn€to€deal€with€them,Ļtoo.ššą [ ąŠ Õ#80 Šą [ ąš šI€know,€I€knowš!š„guys€just€donššt€understand.ššĢą [ ąš šExactly.ššĢą [ ąI€thought€about€asking€Grady€to€keep€our€conversation€to€himself,Ļbut€I€got€the€feeling€that€I€didnššt€need€to,€that€he€wouldnššt€tellĻanyone,€anyway.€€It€was€really€nice€standing€there€talking€to€him,Ļhearing€everyone€around€us.€€The€sky€had€cleared€and€thousands€of€flecksŠ £+'< Šof€glitter€adorned€the€darkness€above€Lake€Shore.€€It€really€was€nice.€€Ģą [ ąTabby€never€admitted€that€she€was€jealous€of€the€attention€JacobĻshowed€me€that€night,€or€the€next€Friday€night,€or€the€next€one.€€It€wasĻall€really€harmless€and€I€never€had€any€stronger€feeling€for€Jacob€thanĻone€of€friendship.€€He,€like€Larry€and€Grady€and€some€other€guys€weššdĻhang€out€with,€were€fun€to€be€aroundš!š„much€more€fun€than€many€of€theĻgirls€I€grew€up€with€who€I€thought€were€loads€of€fun.Ģą [ ąBy€the€time€summer€came,€and€I€could€go€back€to€Briggs€Beach€forĻthree€weeks€to€stay€with€Kate€and€Tiff,€I€was€feeling€very€comfortableĻin€Lake€Shore.€€My€life€hadnššt€ended€after€all,€for€I€had€found€a€niceĻgroup€of€friends€to€hang€out€with€on€the€weekends,€and€I€had€otherĻfriends€at€school€and€on€my€team.€€Even€though€life€for€me€was€on€theĻpretty€good€side,€it€was€still€really€good€to€see€my€first€friendsĻagain,€to€walk€on€the€beach,€to€see€my€old€backyard.€€Ģą [ ąOne€night€I€went€to€Jeremyššs€house.€€His€voice€had€gotten€deeperĻand€he€had€grown€more€than€an€inch€taller.€Jeremy€wore€a€thin€goateeĻthat€I€thought€made€him€look€very€sophisticated€and€a€few€years€older.€ĻWe€walked€along€the€waterššs€edge€chatting€away.€€His€hand€hit€mine€and€IĻgrabbed€it€and€held€on€to€it.Ģą [ ąWhen€the€scent€of€the€ocean€crawled€into€my€nostrils,€I€couldnšštĻhelp€but€smile;€I€was€home.€€The€deep€breaths€I€took€caused€me€to€get€aĻbit€light„headed€and€I€lost€my€balance.€€Jeremy€was€there€to€help€meĻstay€on€my€feet.€€Once€he€had€me€in€his€arms,€he€kissed€me,€confidently,Ļand€studied€my€face.€€Again,€Jeremy€said€nothing€to€me,€but€the€cornersĻof€his€mouth€twitched€a€bit,€as€if€he€was€trying€to€smile.€€Softly€heĻkissed€my€neck€and€ran€his€hands€down€the€back€of€my€thin€sweatshirt.€ĻUnderneath,€his€hands€were€steady€and€firm€on€my€stomach,€hips,€back.€€IĻwondered€where€he€practiced€what€he€was€doing€and€I€felt€a€tad€bitĻjealous€of€some€phantom€girl.€€Beads€of€perspiration€formed€on€my€bodyĻas€he€gently€rubbed€his€sharp€nose€and€soft€lips€along€the€curve€of€myĻneck.€€Jeremy€Castle€was€sensual;€he€was€sexual.Š £+'< Šą [ ąFor€a€long€time,€Jeremy€and€I€walked€in€the€light€of€the€full€moonĻalong€the€deserted€strip€of€beach€behind€my€old€house.€€The€new€ownersĻhad€strung€Christmas€lights€along€the€roof€of€the€back€porch.€€I€likedĻit.€€Ģą [ ąWe€stopped€by€the€colorfully„painted€rock.€€Ģą [ ąš šItššs€great€to€see€you,€Gin,šš€he€told€me€again.Ģą [ ąI€nodded€and€grinned.€€š šYou,€too,šš€I€said.€€š šLook€at€you...allĻtall€and€hairy.ššĢą [ ąš šGrowing€up,šš€he€said€and€flexed€his€biceps.Ģą [ ąWe€both€laughed.€€It€felt€really€good€to€be€there€with€him.€Ģą [ ąš šYou€like€your€new€school,€then.ššĢą [ ąš šYeah.€€I€guess.€€Itššs€not€as€bad€as€I€thought€it€would€be.šš€I€wasĻdigging€my€left€foot€into€the€coarse€sand,€not€looking€at€him.€€š šThingsĻare€different€here,€now.ššĢą [ ąš šOf€course€they€are.€€Did€you€expect€everything€to€be€the€sameĻwhen€you€came€back?ššĢą [ ąI€didnššt€answer€the€question€with€words.€€My€body€languageĻanswered€for€me.Ģą [ ąJeremy€laughed.€€š šReally?€€You€thought„„ššĢą [ ąššOkay,€okay.€€Enough,šš€I€said,€slapping€his€arm.€€š šI€hoped!ššĢą [ ąš šWhy?€€Donššt€you€think€you€grow€more€when€things€change?ššĢą [ ąš šņņYesóó,šš€I€said.€€š šI€do€ņņnowóó.€€But€back€then...Hey,€you€werenššt€theŠ īQ* Šone€to€move€away,€Castle„boy.€€I€was!ššĢą [ ąJeremy€was€silent,€just€looking€at€me,€smiling.€€š šI€know,šš€heĻfinally€said.Ģą [ ąš šSo,€you€like€your€new€school,€then.ššą0 Ć ąŠ(%‹ 2Ć;#Ć;# Šą [ ąI€was€about€to€tell€him€that€he€already€said€that€when€he€pulledĻmy€face€to€his€and€kissed€me.€€And€as€we€stood€there€in€an€embrace,€onĻthe€sand,€under€the€moon,€letting€the€mosquitoes€bite€our€legs,€I€thinkĻI€heard€him€whisper,€š šSome€things€will€never€change,šš€but€I€couldnššt€beĻcertain.ń®ńó óń®ńŠ ©+ '< ŠÓ3³ÓŌ#† ōżVõõō·f!#ŌŌ#† X2mXõ ōżVV!#ŌńÆńĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢńÆńĢĢĢń²ńĢń²ńĢń°ńĢń°ńÓ3³õ«ÓŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌŌ‡ō·fõõ ōżVŌń±ńĢń±ńŌ#† ōżVõõō·f¼¬#ŌŌ#† X2mXõ ōżV¬#ŌŌ‡   ˜!X X2mŌÓ  Ówww.chat.comą0 @c ąŌ‡ )Ž !!  ˜Ōą0@»c;#c;#ąą0@»;#»;#ąŠ 9 œ ŠŌ#†   ˜! ! )Žo­#ŌŌ#† X2mX!  ˜,­#ŌÓK­ÓÓĢL3³ÓÓĢLÓĢĢĢĢĢĢÓĢL3®ÓŌ‡ &ĘŽ%X X2mŌÓ3³ļµĢLÓHammerhead829:€hi€Ō_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ōš"šu€wanna€chat?Š Ģ/  ŠŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€€sure€ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€u€thereĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€hello€hammerhead...u€Ō_ŌpmedŌ_Ō€me€so€whatššs€upą0  ąą0s;#;#ąą0Ė s;#s;#ąŠ|Ė ;#Ė ;# ŠHammerhead829:€sorry.€Phone€call.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€a/s/lĢHammerhead829:€18/m/Ō_ŌsalemŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌoregonŌ_ŌĢHammerhead829:€u?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€17/f/Ō_ŌontarioŌ_ŌĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌcaliforniaŌ_Ō?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€???????????ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌontarioŌ_Ō,€Ō_ŌcaliforniaŌ_Ō?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€no...Ō_ŌwindsorŌ_Ō,€Ō_ŌontarioŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌcanadaŌ_Ō.ĢHammerhead829:€oh.€€coolĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌbrbŌ_ŌĢHammerhead829:€okĢĢą [ ąKara€Ō_ŌMcKayŌ_Ō€is€Ō_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō,€a€name€she€chose€because€of€her€golden€skinĻand€hair.€€She€is€a€sun„worshiper€and€will€most€likely€have€a€leather„looking€face€by€theĻtime€sheššs€sixty.€€Kara€is€working€at€an€ice„cream€shop€for€the€summer€to€earn€moneyŠ  ,l'3 Šfor€the€grade€twelve€trip€to€Vancouver€for€spring€break.€€After€her€Ō_ŌOACŌ_Ō€year,€she€plansĻon€attending€the€University€of€Windsor€to€study€communications.€€She€wants€to€be€aĻfilm„maker€one€of€these€days.Ģą [ ąThis€young€lady€with€hair€the€color€of€dried€straw€just€told€Hammerhead829€thatĻsheššd€be€right€back.€€She€has€gone€to€get€her€pack€of€cigarettes€from€the€pocket€of€herĻŌ_ŌbookbagŌ_Ō.€€Her€parents€are€away€for€the€weekend€and€Kara€is€at€home€with€her€olderĻbrother,€Gary.Ģą [ ąKara€hurries€back€to€her€computer€and€lights€an€Ultra„Light.€€On€the€cover€of€thisĻpackage€is€a€color€picture€of€a€cancerous€lung.€€This€does€not€bother€Kara€because€sheĻthinks€she€can€quit€whenever€she€wants€to.€€She€loves€to€chat€online.€€Boys,€boys,Ļboys,€is€just€about€all€Kara€Ō_ŌMcKayŌ_Ō€thinks€about.€€She€has€a€boyfriend€named€Jason€whoĻshe€likes€but€only€sometimes.€€Sheššs€confusing.€€Jason€is€really€nice€to€her€and€sheĻcomplains€about€that.€€She€thinks€heššs€boring€and€that€their€romantic€relationship€has€noĻfuture.€€Ģą [ ąKara€chats€with€guys€from€all€over€about€whatever€comes€up.€€Sometimes€sheĻgets€really€turned€on€by€what€the€guys€are€sayingš!šand€she€can€talk€back€just€as€dirty.€ĻBut€that€gets€old€pretty€quick,€so€a€lot€of€the€time,€she€just€hangs€out€in€a€room€andĻreads€whatššs€going€on€without€involving€herself€in€any€conversations.€€Usually€the€guysĻcome€on€strong€with€questions€about€physical€characteristics.€€Strangely,€Kara€hasĻtaken€on€that€role€in€this€conversation€with€Hammerhead829.€€She€is€a€bit€moreĻaggressive€than€usual.ĢĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€okĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌdidntŌ_Ō€think€u€were€coming€backĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€wouldnššt€just€not€come€back.€€Thatššs€rude.ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌlolŌ_ŌĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€what€do€u€look€likeĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌIveŌ_Ō€got€a€head,€two€arms,€two€legs„„„the€normal€stuff.Š R+µ&6 ŠŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌlolŌ_Ō...really€though.€€what€Ō_ŌcolourŌ_Ōššs€your€hairĢHammerhead829:€light€brown€and€the€tips€are€bleachedĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€so€u€have€spiked€hair€thenĢHammerhead829:€yeahĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€sounds€niceĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€what€else...Ō_ŌpiercingsŌ_ŌĢHammerhead829:€u€use€the€Ō_ŌbritishŌ_Ō€spellings?€€cool.ą0 Ć ąą0Ć;#Ć;#ąą0s;#;#ąą0Ė s;#s;#ąŠ7 š Ė ;#Ė ;# ŠŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€gonna€make€me€guessĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€habit...I€like€it...different€from€Ō_ŌamericansŌ_ŌĢHammerhead829:€yeah,€guessĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€arenššt€u€Ō_Ōmr.Ō_Ō€mystery...ĢHammerhead829:€guess!ą0 c ąą0»c;#c;#ąą0»;#»;#ąą0k;#;#ąą0Ćk;#k;#ąą0Ć;#Ć;#ąŠbÅ;#;# ŠHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€like€people€to€just€get€to€know€me€without€me€telling€em€everything.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€ok.€€um...€l.€earĢHammerhead829:€noĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€r.€earĢHammerhead829:€nopeĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€eyebrowĢHammerhead829:€which€one?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€r.ĢHammerhead829:€noĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€l.ĢHammerhead829:€uh„uhĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€how€many€do€u€have...u€said€one€was€pierced.ĢHammerhead829:€no€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌdidntŌ_Ō.€U€just€assumed.€€I€asked€which€one?ĢHammerhead829:€make€it€easy€on€u„„„„its€my€nose.€I€have€a€little€gold€hoop.€OneĻnostril.€€Ō_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€sounds€cool€hammerĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€u€have€a€photo€u€can€sendŠ R+µ&6 ŠHammerhead829:€no€scanner.€U?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€no.€gonna€get€one€with€my€Ō_ŌbdayŌ_Ō€$ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌwhensŌ_Ō€that?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€couple€weeks.ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌyerŌ_Ō€a€cancerĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€yeah!€Ō_ŌLolŌ_ŌĢHammerhead829:€why€Ō_ŌlolŌ_Ō?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€guys€usually€arenššt€into€that€thing.€€What€are€uĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌvirgoŌ_Ō„„„„August€29.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€now€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€get€the€829€part€of€your€name.€€ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€wanna€know€your€horoscope?ĢHammerhead829:€go€for€itĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€according€to€teen€temptations€you€are€a€stickler€for€goodĻŌ_ŌsporssmanshipŌ_Ō€but€need€to€grab€what€u€deserve€Ō_ŌcuzŌ_Ō€nice€Ō_ŌgyusŌ_Ō€finish€last.ĢHammerhead829:€awš"šŌ_ŌiŌ_Ō€like€being€a€nice€guyĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€sorry€but€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€suck€at€typingĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌyerŌ_Ō€fine...im€no€pro€myselfĢHammerhead829:€yours?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€itššs€a€month€of€Ō_ŌgettigŌ_Ō€my€way€and€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€should€soar€in€popularity,€socialĻstanding€and€style...gee...how€flattering,€huhĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌlolŌ_Ōš"šany€truth€to€that?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€now€that€school€done...not€really.€€I€did€just€get€some€new€clothes.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€€are€u€still€in€high€schoolĢHammerhead829:€unfortunately.€One€more€year€left.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€here€we€have€13€grades,€so€Iššve€got€12€&€13€to€go.€Iššm€like€the€lastĻyear€for€13€though.€Then€just€goes€to€12.€UĢHammerhead829:€just€12€left.€€Got€held€back€in€fifth€grade€Ō_ŌcuzŌ_Ō€of€a€car€accident€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€was€inĻand€missed€42€days€of€school.€€Ill€be€home€schooled€next€year€though€so€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌdontŌ_Ō€gottaŠ R+µ&6 Šput€up€with€the€immaturity€that€goes€along€with€going€to€my€school.€€Hammerhead€rollsĻhis€eyes.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€sorry€to€hear€about€the€accident...cool€about€home€schooled.€€I€neverĻknew€anyone€that€Ō_ŌwassŌ_Ō€home€schooled.€€ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€was...ĢĢą [ ąKara€puts€her€cigarette€in€a€cup€full€of€water€and€ashes.€€She€is€wearing€a€yellowĻand€green€tie„dyed€tank€top€that€shows€her€tan€very€well.€€Her€straw€hair€(meaning€colorĻand€dryness)€is€pulled€up€on€top€of€her€head€with€a€very€large€silver€barrette.€€It€isĻeleven€oššclock€on€Friday€night;€Kara€is€yawning,€but€wants€to€keep€chatting€with€thisĻHammerhead829€guy€because€he€seems€nice.€€He€hasnššt€asked€her€yet€what€she€looksĻlike.€€This€impresses€her.€€Kara€usually€tells€her€chat€partners€the€truth€about€everything.€ĻSheššs€usually€really€serious€and€likes€to€get€to€know€people€on€a€personal€level.€€HerĻemail€account€is€always€packed€full€of€messages€from€guys€sheššs€met€online.€€What€sheĻreally€likes€is€when€a€guy€is€having€problems€with€his€girlfriend€so€she€can€help€out.ĢĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌtyŌ_Ō„„„„no€big€deal„„„„its€Ō_ŌcooolŌ_Ō.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€get€the€feeling€u€donššt€like€high€school.ĢHammerhead829:€u€hit€the€nail€on€the€head.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌlolŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌlolŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌlolŌ_Ō...clever.ĢHammerhead829:€school€really€Ō_ŌsuxŌ_Ō.€€Teachers€give€stupid€work€to€do„„„boring.€€Glad€itsĻsummer€glad€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€just€gotta€put€with€my€mom€next€year.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€at€least€u€donššt€have€13€grades!ĢHammerhead829:€good€point.ĢHammerhead829:€why€chose€the€name€u€did?ą0 k ąą0Ćk;#k;#ąą0Ć;#Ć;#ąŠ'h"0;#;# ŠŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌcuzŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€have€a€great€tan€all€yearĢHammerhead829:€in€Ō_ŌcanadaŌ_Ō?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€it€gets€real€hot€here€in€the€summer...tanning€bed€the€rest€of€the€time.Š R+µ&6 ŠHammerhead829:€are€u€really€skinny€and€blonde?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€blonde€yes...really€skinny€no.€€About€160€and€5'7"ĢĢą [ ąKara€is€lying€to€Hammerhead829.€€This€is€a€ploy€to€see€if€he€will€leave€herĻstranded€in€this€Ō_ŌchatroomŌ_Ō.€€Kara€is€only€5'5"€and€weighs€128.Ģą [ ąĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌthatsŌ_Ō€a€good€weight.€€Not€starving€yourself€like€lots€of€stupid€girls.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€know€what€u€mean.€€Lots€of€girls€in€my€school€think€they€have€to€lookĻlike€Naomi€Campbell€or€one€of€those€models.ĢHammerhead829:€u€do€drugs?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€sometimes€smoke€pot...thatššs€itĢHammerhead829:€ohĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€uĢHammerhead829:€Ō_Ōnaw„„„stupid.ĢGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€hey!ĢHammerhead829:€sorry€golden„„„but€it€is.€€Why€do€u?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€?ĢHammerhead829:€u€Ō_ŌdontŌ_Ō€know????ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€donššt€give€me€a€lecture!ĢHammerhead829:€Im€just€wondering€why€do€it€when€u€Ō_ŌdontŌ_Ō€know€why„„„ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌlcsŌ_ŌĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌwhatsŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌlcsŌ_Ō?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€letššs€change€subject.ĢHammerhead829:€u€choose„„„anything€u€want.ĢĢą [ ąKara€slips€another€cigarette€from€the€red€pack€and€lights€it€with€a€match.€€TheĻsmoke€gets€in€her€left€eye€and€she€rubs€it.€€She€puts€the€lit€match€in€the€water.€€GaryĻjust€told€her€not€to€be€too€much€longer€because€he€has€to€use€the€phone€beforeŠ R+µ&6 Šmidnight.€€Kara€agrees€with€her€brother€so€he€wonššt€tell€his€parents€that€she€wasĻsmoking€in€the€house.€€Both€Mr.€and€Mrs.€Ō_ŌMcKayŌ_Ō€smoke€so€Karaššs€smoking€will€not€beĻnoticeable...unless€Gary€tells€on€her.€€But€heššs€twenty„three€and€past€being€immature.ĢĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€are€u€listening€to€music?ĢHammerhead829:€yeah„„„Ō_ŌjimiŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌhendrixŌ_Ō.€€U?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€shaggy...his€new€one...hot€shot.€€Itššs€good.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€are€u€a€rockerĢHammerhead829:€not€really.€Just€like€Ō_ŌhendrixŌ_Ō.€€Nirvana,€chili€peppers,€papa€roach,ĻŌ_ŌhelviticaŌ_Ō,€moist€and€shiny,€roadrunners.€Stuff€like€that.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€havenššt€heard€of€most€of€those€bands.ĢHammerhead829:€we€get€a€lot€of€obscure€bands€in€Salem.€Its€cool.€€U?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€like€whatššs€on€the€Ō_ŌrafioŌ_Ō€for€the€most€part.ĢHammerhead829:€boy€bands?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€oops,€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€mean€radio.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€some.€O„townššs€ok€now.€€Not€much€into€Ō_ŌbsbŌ_Ō€or€Ō_ŌnsyncŌ_Ō.€€U€haveĻsomething€against€boy€bandsĢHammerhead829:€not€at€all.€Those€guys€can€sing€and€dance€well„„„but€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€think€musiciansĻare€people€who€can€actually€play€music.€€Ō_ŌTheyreŌ_Ō€ok€for€big€bucks.€€Puppets€for€theĻproducers.€€Their€lives€Ō_ŌarentŌ_Ō€their€own.€I€hate€that€when€other€people€want€to€run€yourĻlife.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€youššre€pretty€interesting€Hammerhead829.€€ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌtyŌ_Ō.€€Got€any€pets?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€a€cat...milo.€€Heššs€black€with€white€blotches.ĢHammerhead829:€im€allergic€to€catsš"šhave€a€black€cocker€spaniel€named€missy.€€Ō_ŌShesŌ_ŌĻcool.€Likes€to€chase€balls.€€Good€retriever.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€€Wanna€email€me€sometime...Iššve€got€to€get€off€so€my€brother€can€callĻhis€Ō_ŌfianceŌ_Ō...Š R+µ&6 ŠŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€u€still€there?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌhaaaaammmmmmmeeeeerrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhheeeeeeaaaaaaadddddŌ_Ō!!!ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌlolŌ_Ō„„„Im€here.€€Just€ran€to€the€Ō_ŌbathoomŌ_Ō.€€Yeah.€€Wanna€know€u€better.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€good...me€too...ok€my€address€is:€€€€Daffodil@screech.comĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌwhatsŌ_Ō€your€real€name?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€KaraĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō„„„good€to€meet€you.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€are€u€jokingĢHammerhead829:€bout€what?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€your€name.€€What€is€thatĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌthatsŌ_Ō€not€very€nice€Kara....its€Hawaiian.€€Means€š šsupremešš€ĢHammerhead829:€bout€the€only€thing€about€myself€that€my€mom€gave€me€Ō_ŌthatsŌ_Ō€anyĻgood.ĢĢą [ ąKara€says€aloud,€š šWhatššs€that€supposed€to€mean?šš€€She€doesnššt€ask€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_ŌĻthat€question.€€If€he€wants€to€explain€later,€then€he€will.€€Thatššs€her€philosophyš!šdonššt€pryĻand€poke€around€for€personal€information.€€This€chatting€is€a€form€of€communicationĻKara€is€trying€to€perfectš!šaccording€to€her,€anyway.€€She€looks€at€it€as€just€like€meetingĻpeople€face„to„face€but€not€exactly.€€She€wouldnššt€make€guys€uncomfortable€in€personĻso€why€do€it€on€the€computer?€ĢĢHammerhead829:€email€u€soon€kara„„„„cu.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€youššve€got€a€cool€name.€€I€like€it.€€Ok,€look€forward€to€hearing€from€u.Ļcu.€night.ą ³ ąą  ąą c ąą » ąą  ąą k ąą Ć ąą  ąą s ąą Ė ąą ## ąŠ –%ł . ŠHammerhead829:€night.ĢĢŌ4‚Ż ŌŻ‚ ĶOŻŌ’ŌņņŻ  ŻŌ5  ŌŌ6ŒšŌŻ‚ ĶO šƒŻóóŌ’ŌŻ  ŻŌ7Ż ĪšŌą [ ąTwo€days€later,€before€going€to€work,€Kara€gets€an€email€from€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō.€€It€isŠ ć)F%4 Švery€short,€but€intriguing.Ō#† X2mX% &ĘŽa®#ŌŠ R+µ&6 ŠŌ_ŌÓĢL3³€®Óņ ņŌ‡ Ā1wĀX X2mŌFrom:€€€š šHammer€Headšš€€ņņSave€Addressó󀄀ņņBlock€SenderŌ#† X2mXĀ Ā1w<ņ#ŌŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌóóó óŠ  ŠTo:€€€€€€€€€š šKara€Ō_ŌMcKayŌ_Ōšš€€ņņņ ņSave€Addressó óóóŠ Œļ Šņ ņSubject:€good€to€talk€to€you€the€other€nightó óŠ ņ ŠDate:€€€€€€€Sun,€17€June€2001€22:40:42Ģą [ ąņ ņReply€ą0 ³ ą€€€€€Reply€Allą0c³ ;#³ ;#ą€€Forwardą0c;#c;#ąDelete€€€€€€€€€Previous€€€€€€€€€€Nextą0Ė ;#;#ą€€Closeó óŠ‹īĖ ;#Ė ;# ŠĢÓ€ĢLÓKara,€was€really€good€to€talk€to€you€the€other€night.€€Anyone€who€tells€me€Iššm€interesting€canššt€beĻall€that€bad.€€Hereššs€a€question€for€you€to€think€about€and€answer.€€Maybe€we€can€make€a€chatĻdate€for€Friday€if€youššre€not€busy.€€You€didnššt€mention€having€a€bf€so€I€guess€thatššs€a€question€tooĻbecause€I€donššt€want€to€step€on€some€guyššs€toes.€€Hereššs€the€question:€If€I€were€to€ask€yourĻparents€three€things€that€make€you€the€person€you€are,€what€would€they€say?ĢĢTake€it€easy.€Hope€to€get€a€reply€soon.ĢOh,€what€are€you€doing€this€summer?€€Working?€€Hanging€out€in€the€sun,€Ō_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō????ĢŌ_ŌKilohanaŌ_ŌĢŌ#† X2mXõ ōżVŻņ#ŌÓĢL€ĖōÓĢÓ3³ĢLÓą [ ąŌ‡ &ĘŽ%X X2mŌAll€through€the€mail€Kara€smiles€and€reads€it€over€and€again€out€loud.€€There€isŠ Ł< Šsomething€very€likeable€about€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō.€€š šWhatššs€up€with€all€this€talk€about€parents?ššĻKara€says.€€š šHe€seems€like€he€doesnššt€like€his€very€much.šš€€So€she€wonššt€seem€tooĻinterested,€Kara€does€not€reply€right€away.€€Ģą [ ąWhile€at€work,€Jason,€her€boyfriend,€and€two€of€his€friends€walk€in.€€They€askĻKara€if€she€wants€to€play€softball€after€she€gets€off€work.€€She€says€that€sheššs€got€otherĻthings€to€do.€€Jason€looks€at€her€strangely,€as€if€heššs€hurt€and€wondering€what€her€dealĻis.€€š šCan€I€talk€to€you€a€minute,€Kara?šš€he€says.€€š šJust€a€sec,€okay,šš€she€replies.€€š šIššve€gotĻtwo€splits€to€make€then€we€can€talk€for€a€few€minutes.šš€€Jasonššs€friends€leave€the€ice„¼cream€parlor€and€head€across€the€parking€lot€to€the€Harveyššs.Ģą [ ąKara€is€wearing€one€of€the€two€shirts€she€has€for€a€uniform;€the€golf€shirt€sheššsĻwearing€is€plum„colored€with€white€embroidered€lettering€that€reads€THE€SCOOPĻmaking€an€arc€over€a€one„scoop€cone.€€The€other€shirt€she€can€wear€is€lime€green€withĻthe€same€logo.€€And€she€wears€black€pants€with€non„slip€shoes.€€After€dishing€out€theĻtwo€splits,€Kara€waves€Jason€over.€€Ģą [ ąš šWhatššs€going€on€with€you,€eh?€€Itššs€like€you€donššt€want€me€around€youŠ Z+½&7 Šanymore.šš€€Ģą [ ąš šItššs€kinda€like€that,€Jay,šš€Kara€says€quietly.€€š šI€donššt€know...things€just€arenššt€likeĻthey€were€before.€€And€itššs€summer€and€all.€€I€guess€I€think€we€should€split€up€for€now.šš€€Ģą [ ąš šFor€now?šš€Jason€questions.€š šLike€weššll€get€back€when€school€starts?€€Forget€it,ĻKara.€€Iššm€not€going€for€it.šš€Ģą [ ą€š šFine,€then,šš€she€says,€š šjust€forget€it.€€Itššs€been€a€hoot€the€past€five€months.€€SeeĻŌ_ŌyaŌ_Ō€around,€eh?šš€€Ģą [ ąš šYou€arenššt€gonna€get€all€bitchy€toward€me€when€we€see€each€other€are€you?ššĻJason€asks.€€Ģą [ ąš šŌ_ŌNoooŌ_Ō,šš€Kara€says€through€a€smile.€€š šCouples€break€up€all€the€time.€€No€Ō_ŌbiggeeŌ_Ō,ĻŌ_ŌyaŌ_Ō€know.€€Friends?šš€€She€sticks€out€her€hand.€€Ģą [ ąš šFriends,šš€Jason€says,€gripping€her€cold€hand,€looking€into€her€shiny€hazel€eyes.€Ļš šThatššs€it€then?šš€he€asks.€€Kara€nods€her€head,€still€smiling€at€him.€€š šYouššre€a€hard€one€toĻfigure€out.€€You€know€that,€right?šš€he€says.€€Ģą [ ąKara€continues€to€nod€and€smile€as€if€this€is€all€a€big€game€to€her.€€In€manyĻways,€it€is.€€Heššs€just€a€boy€and€there€are€lots€out€thereš!šin€Windsor€and€online.€Ģą [ ą€š šI€wouldnššt€mind€playing€softball€with€you€guys€once€in€a€while,€though.€€WouldĻkeep€me€in€practice€for€next€year.šš€€Ģą [ ąJason€waves€a€hand€over€his€head€as€he€walks€out€the€door€into€the€blazingĻafternoon€sunshine.Ģą [ ąLater€that€night,€after€her€family€has€gone€to€bed,€Kara€scoots€out€of€her€roomĻand€heads€for€the€den€where€the€familyššs€computer€is.€€She€sits€down,€turns€on€theĻequipment,€dials€up.€€Kara€is€not€really€supposed€to€be€online€this€lateš!šmidnightš!šbutĻshe€has€no€choice€because€her€parents€had€her€cleaning€the€garage€when€she€gotĻhome€from€work€and€then€she,€her€parents,€Gary,€and€Karaššs€soon„to„be€sister„in„law,ĻMeg,€all€went€for€pizza€and€bowling.€€So€this€is€the€only€chance€sheššs€had€all€night€toĻreply€to€Hammerhead829ššs€message.€€She€has€thought€of€him€throughout€the€day,Ļwondering€what€he€looks€like,€other€than€having€the€normal€parts€of€the€body.€€And€sheŠ R+µ&6 Šhas€thought€about€the€intriguing€question€he€asked€her.ĢŌ#† X2mX% &ĘŽģ÷#Ōņ ņŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌĢĢFrom:€€€š šKara€Ō_ŌMcKayŌ_Ōšš€€ņņSave€Addressó󀄀ņņBlock€Senderóóó óŠ ² Šņņņ ņóóSubject:€RE:€€good€to€talk€to€you€the€other€nightó óŠ  h Šą [ ąņ ņReply€ą0 ³ ą€€€€€Reply€Allą0c³ ;#³ ;#ą€€Forwardą0c;#c;#ąDelete€€€€€€€€€Previous€€€€€€€€€€Nextą0Ė ;#;#ą€€Closeó óŠX » Ė ;#Ė ;# ŠÓ™3³ÓÓ€™ÓHI€HAMMERHEAD...Ō_ŌKILOHANAŌ_Ō.€€I€WRITE€MY€Ō_ŌEMAILSŌ_Ō€IN€ALL€CAPS€BECAUSE€ITššS€EASIERĻTHAT€WAY.€NOT€A€GOOD€Ō_ŌTYPERŌ_Ō.€€WAS€GOOD€TO€HEAR€FROM€YOU.€HAD€A€GOOD€DAYĻAT€WORK.€BROKE€UP€WITH€MY€BOY€FRIEND.€THINGS€JUST€WERENššT€GOINGĻANYWHERE,€Ō_ŌYAŌ_Ō€KNOW?€HEššS€TOO€NICE€IF€THAT€MAKES€SENSE.€OK.€IššM€WEIRD.€I€WASĻBORED.€€DO€YOU€HAVE€A€NICKNAME?Ģš"š>AS€FAR€AS€THAT€QUESTION€GOES,€THIS€IS€MY€ANSWER:€MY€PARENTS€WOULD€SAYĻTHE€THREE€THINGS€THAT€HAVE€MADE€ME€THE€PERSON€I€AM€TODAY€ARE...1)RESPECTĻFOR€MYSELF€AND€OTHER€PEOPLE...2)IššM€A€VICTIM€OF€FASHION...3)LOVE€OF€THE€SUN€:)ĢI€HOPE€THAT€TELLS€YOU€SOMETHING€ABOUT€ME.€€YES,€I€LOVE€CLOTHES.€€BUT€IššMĻALSO€KINDA€ATHLETIC.€PLAY€SOFTBALL€FOR€MY€SCHOOL.€€RIGHT€FIELD.Ģš"š>€HEREššS€A€QUESTION€FOR€YOU:€WHY€DID€YOU€PM€ME?ĢOK,€LETššS€MAKE€A€CHAT€DATE€FOR€FRIDAY€NIGHT.€€TEN€OššCLOCK€SOUND€OK?€€IF€IĻDONššT€HEAR€FROM€YOU€UNTIL€THEN€Ō_ŌTHENŌ_Ō€IššLL€JUST€BE€ONLINE€AND€YOU€CAN€GETĻŌ_ŌAHOLDŌ_Ō€OF€ME.ĢTALK€TO€YOU€SOONĢ~~KARA~~ĢÓ™€ÄÓą [ ąą ³ ąą  ąą c ąą » ąĢÓ3³™Óą [ ąŌ#† X2mXõ ōżVģ#ŌŌ‡ &ĘŽ%X X2mŌKara€sends€the€mail,€checks€her€other€mail.€€She€has€twenty„four€new€messagesŠ ~į- Šin€her€Ō_ŌinboxŌ_Ō€and€the€same€amount€of€junk.€€Because€her€junk€box€is€too€full,€theĻoverflow€goes€to€her€Ō_ŌinboxŌ_Ō€so€she€deletes€all€messages€that€are€related€to€getting€out€ofĻdebt,€enlarging€of€body€parts,€XXX€pictures,€losing€weight€fast.€€Once€she€spends€a€fewĻminutes€deleting€messages,€she€opens€a€few€mails€from€boys€sheššs€chatted€with.€ĻThese€messages€are€a€bunch€of€monotonous€junk,€too.€€Itššs€the€same€stuff€all€the€time.€ĻJust,€how€are€Ō_ŌyaŌ_Ō€and€hope€we€can€meet€messages...boring.€€Forwards.€€Junk.€€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_ŌĻis€different€and€Kara€knows€this.€€She€finds€herself€wanting€to€check€to€see€if€he€isĻonline.€€š šWonder€if€heššll€send€a€message€before€then,šš€she€says€to€herself.Ģą [ ąKara€opens€an€email€from€Jason€that€tells€her€heššs€sad€about€what€happenedŠ e,Č'? Šand€heššs€not€going€to€email€her€for€a€while€until€the€sadness€fades.€€Her€eyes€tear„up€atĻhis€emotional€email.ņņ€€óóWhy€am€I€so€mean€to€him?€€I€just€told€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€that€I€respect€otherŠ  o Špeople.€€Why€did€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€ask€me€that€question€of€all€questions?€€These€questions€skipĻthrough€Karaššs€mind.€€I€wasnššt€mean€to€Jason,€she€thinks,€just€honest.€€It€is€one€hourĻlater€and€she€is€yawning.€€So€she€closes€everything€down,€exfoliates€her€face,€brushesĻher€teeth,€goes€to€bed.Ģą [ ąFriday€night€comes€and€Karaššs€parents€are€out€of€town€visiting€one€of€her€dadššsĻold€college€pals.€€And€her€brother€is€at€a€stag€and€doe€party.€€Kara€has€the€house€toĻherself.€€No€interruptions€during€her€online€date€with€the€boy€from€Salem,€Oregon.€ĻWhile€she€was€at€work€earlier,€Kara€tried€thinking€of€good€subjects€to€discuss€on€theĻdate€and€what€kinds€of€questions€she€wanted€him€to€answer.€€She€was€prepared€toĻdescribe€herself,€in€full,€if€asked.€€If€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€is€like€other€guys,€then€heššll€surely€askĻwhat€her€body€looks€likeš!šespecially€how€big€her€boobs€are.ĢĢą [ ąŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō€is€invited€by€Hammerhead829€into€a€private€room.€€She€goesĻimmediately.ĢĢHammerhead829:€hi€again„„„ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€hi€back.€€Howššs€it€goingĢHammerhead829:€cant€really€complain€bout€things.€U?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Iššm€alone€so€thatššs€always€a€plus.ĢHammerhead829:€who€do€u€live€with?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€my€parents€and€my€brother€Ō_ŌgaryŌ_Ō.ĢHammerhead829:€I€live€with€my€parents€too€and€my€3€sisters.ĢHammerhead829:€good€day€at€work?€€U€never€said€what€kind€of€work.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€yeah€and€ice„cream€parlor...scooping€ice„cream€for€hungry€people.ĢHammerhead829:€some€ice„cream€would€be€good€right€nowš!š„just€had€dinner.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€just€had€dinner...what€time€is€it€thereŠ X+»&6 ŠHammerhead829:€bout€7š"šŌ_ŌyerŌ_Ō€3€hours€ahead€of€me.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌlolŌ_Ō€at€myself...never€thought€about€a€time€difference.€€Hope€Iššm€notĻtaking€you€away€from€anything.ĢHammerhead829:€nopeĢHammerhead829:€just€so€u€knowš"šŌ_ŌiŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌdidntŌ_Ō€email€u€back€because€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€just€got€it€today.ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌyerŌ_Ō€message.€Ō_ŌTYŌ_Ō€by€the€way.€Ō_ŌwuzŌ_Ō€nice.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€no€problem.€So...Ō_ŌyššdŌ_Ō€you€Ō_ŌpmŌ_Ō€meĢHammerhead829:€guess€because€u€were€just€Ō_ŌhaningŌ_Ō€out€in€the€room€talking€bout€thisĻand€that€and€u€seemed€like€someone€Id€like€to€talk€to„„„u€were€trying€to€help€that€guyĻwith€his€problemĢHammerhead829:€are€u€glad€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€did?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€uh....Ō_ŌyesssssŌ_ŌĢHammerhead829:€blushes€at€Ō_ŌyerŌ_Ō€emphatic€Ō_ŌyesssssssŌ_Ō€ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€a€blusher,€huh...cute.ĢHammerhead829:€guess€Ō_ŌyerŌ_Ō€parents€know€u€pretty€good€ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€pretty€good,€yeah...we€get€along.€€Not€all€the€time€though€but€most€ofĻthe€time.ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌthatsŌ_Ō€cool„„„wish€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€could€say€the€sameĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€was€wondering€y€u€ask€so€much€about€my€parents...now€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€know.ĢHammerhead829:€well,€its€not€like€Ō_Ōits€aŌ_Ō€bad€relationshipĢHammerhead829:€just€not€much€of€one€to€begin€withĢHammerhead829:€maybe€things€will€change€with€me€being€home€schooled€in€the€fall.€ĻMy€mom€and€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€will€be€together€more.€€ĢHammerhead829:€€She€got€hurt€on€her€job€so€she€wont€be€working.€€Not€working€nowĻbut€Ō_ŌshesŌ_Ō€in€physical€therapy€a€lot.ĢĢą [ ąKara€is€staring€at€her€screen,€reading€as€fast€as€she€can.€€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€is€reallyĻletting€loose€a€lot€of€personal€information.€€She€wonders€why€and€wonders€if€she€shouldŠ R+µ&6 Šask€him.€€The€cigarette€sheššs€holding€is€almost€out.€€It€is€hard€to€smoke€and€type€at€theĻsame€time.€€Smoke€keeps€getting€in€her€eyes€and€she€has€to€squint.ĢĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€sorry€to€hear€all€that€Ō_ŌkilohanaŌ_Ō...must€be€Ō_ŌtuffŌ_Ō.ĢHammerhead829:€kind€of€is.€€Im€expected€to€take€care€of€my€sisters€all€the€time€and€notĻpay€much€attention€to€myself.€€Do€what€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€gotta€do€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌugessŌ_Ō.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€how€old€are€your€sistersĢHammerhead829:€4,€7,€10ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€my€brotherššs€23ĢHammerhead829:€u€get€along€with€him?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€for€the€most€part...heššs€a€lot€older€than€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€am.ĢHammerhead829:€yeah,€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€guess€17€and€23€is€a€good€diff.ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌyerŌ_Ō€parents€took€a€break€huh?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌlolŌ_Ō...more€like...oops€dear,€guess€what....surprise!ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌthatsŌ_Ō€kinda€like€me.€€My€real€dad€was€some€guy€my€mom€met,€sleptĻwith,€then€left.€€Ō_ŌDontŌ_Ō€even€know€Ō_ŌhisnameŌ_Ō.€The€guy€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€call€DAD€is€a€pretty€good€guy€whenĻŌ_ŌhesŌ_Ō€around.ĢHammerhead829:€on€the€road€a€lot.€€Ō_ŌTuffŌ_Ō,€as€u€say.ĢĢą [ ąKara€thinks,€What€do€I€say€to€him?€€She€was€not€expecting€to€get€into€such€aĻdark€conversation€with€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō.€€This€is€something€she€wasnššt€prepared€for.€€NothingĻabout€a€girlfriend€which€would€be€easy.€€His€parents€and€home„life€is€a€whole€differentĻstory.€€Kara€feels€sorry€for€Hammerhead829€but€is€afraid€to€say€that€to€him€becauseĻsheššs€not€sure€how€heššll€react.€€Would€he€be€offended?€€Or€grateful€that€she€cares?€ĻShe€has€already€told€him€that€sheššs€sorry€about€other€stuff.Ģą [ ąĢHammerhead829:€u€there?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€yeah...just€wondering€what€to€say€to€u.Š R+µ&6 ŠHammerhead829:€are€u€uncomfortable?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€not€really...just€Ō_ŌdiffŌ_Ō€conversation€than€Iššm€used€to€thatššs€allĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€but€Iššm€learning€a€lot€about€u.ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌthatsŌ_Ō€what€dates€are€for,€right?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌyupŌ_Ō.ĢHammerhead829:€u€Ō_ŌdontŌ_Ō€have€to€say€anything€if€u€Ō_ŌdontŌ_Ō€wannaą  ąą s ąą Ė ąą ## ąŠ Č +  ŠHammerhead829:€just€listening€is€ok€with€me.€€Sorry€to€lay€all€that€on€u.€€U€just€seemĻlike€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€can€talk€to€u.€weird.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌtyŌ_Ō.€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€know€what€u€mean.€€itššs€ok€though...Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€donššt€mind.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€want€to€know€what€u€look€like...for€real.ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌlolŌ_Ō...ok.ĢHammerhead829:€brown€hair€with€bleached€tips,€like€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€said€before.€€bout€6€feet€tall.€ĻGood€build.€I€lift€weights€a€few€times€a€week,€mostly€so€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€can€lift€my€mom€and€stuff€likeĻthat.€€Ō_ŌShesŌ_Ō€a€bit€on€the€overweight€side.€€My€skin€is€dark€because€im€mostly€Filipino€withĻHawaiian€in€me€too.€€Weird€that€my€hair€is€as€light€as€it€is.€€Same€with€my€eyes.€€LightĻbrown.€Guess€that€comes€from€my€real€dad.€€€As€much€as€u€like€the€sun€were€probablyĻthe€same€colorĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌummmŌ_ŌŌ_Ō„„„Ō_Ōwhat€else?€€ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€thatššs€good€for€now,€Hammerhead.€€Sounds€great!ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_Ōty.ty.tyŌ_ŌĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€donššt€u€want€to€know€about€meĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌdoesntŌ_Ō€matter.€ĢHammerhead829:€€If€u€wanna€then€go€ahead.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌnoooŌ_Ō...keep€u€guessing.€€hereššs€a€question...if€we€were€out€on€a€realĻdate,€what€would€we€be€doingĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌhmmmmmmmŌ_ŌĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌhmmmmmŌ_ŌĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌlolŌ_ŌŠ R+µ&6 ŠHammerhead829:€something€really€cool„„„„like€id€take€u€to€this€cool€bar€type€place€nearĻmy€house€where€all€kinds€of€people€hang€out„„„„but€not€the€stuck„up€kind€fromĻschoolš"šthese€are€more€interesting€people.€And€we€could€sit€and€eat€something€andĻwatch€Ō_ŌeverythingsŌ_Ō€that€Ō_ŌgiongŌ_Ō€on.€€ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€sounds€ok€so€far....ĢHammerhead829:€then„„„Ō_ŌhmmmmŌ_ŌĢHammerhead829:€maybe€drive€out€to€the€coast.€€Lots€of€state€parks€.€€We€could€build€aĻfire€and€hang€out.€Roast€marshmallows€if€u€like€emĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌyumŌ_ŌĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€doesnššt€seem€like€you€into€the€whole€dinner€and€a€movie€thing.ĢHammerhead829:€not€at€all.ĢHammerhead829:€nothing€original€bout€that.€€Ō_ŌDontŌ_Ō€see€many€movies€anyway„„„tooĻexpensive.ą ³ ąŠ Ń4 ŠŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€what€do€u€driveĢHammerhead829:€honestly?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€of€courseĢHammerhead829:€a€navy€blue€Ō_ŌchevetteŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€bought€off€my€uncle€for€200€bucks.€€It€runsĻgood€so€Ō_ŌthatsŌ_Ō€all€that€matters.€€To€me€anyway.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€better€than€what€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€have....ĢHammerhead829:€what€do€u€have?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€not€a€damn€thing!€ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌlmaoŌ_Ō...Ō_Ōha,ha,haŌ_Ō.€€Ō_ŌTYŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌYerŌ_Ō€cool.€€Lots€of€girls€Ō_ŌwouldntŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌgimmeŌ_Ō€the€timeĻof€day€if€they€knew€what€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€drive.€€Ō_ŌYerŌ_Ō€a€fashion€freak€but€not€Ō_ŌsooooŌ_Ō€superficial.ĢĢą [ ąFor€another€hour,€these€two€chat€about€this€and€thatš!šfinding€out€more€and€moreĻabout€each€other.€€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€likes€to€race€remote€control€cars€with€friends;€Kara€knitsĻevery€now€and€again€and€really€likes€to€watch€old€movies€for€research€purposes.€€KaraĻlights€cigarette€after€cigarette,€so€now,€she€is€sitting€in€the€middle€of€a€smoke€cloud.€Š R+µ&6 ŠShe€tells€him€a€lot€about€Windsor€and€he€tells€her€what€he€found€out€about€WindsorĻwhen€he€looked€it€up€after€their€first€meeting.€€Kara€thinks€thatššs€cute€and€that€showsĻŌ_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€is€really€interested€in€herš!šnot€what€she€looks€like€or€how€big€her€boobs€are.€ĻThis€is€pretty€much€a€whole€new€experience€to€her...chatting€with€him.€€She€likes€theĻmystery.€€To€her,€he€seems€dark€and€unpredictable.€€Which€is€nice€because€she€hasĻonly€really€ever€known€the€boys€she€grew€up€around€and€they€are€far€fromĻunpredictable.Ģą [ ąJust€after€midnight,€Windsor€time,€Hammerhead829€tells€Ō_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō€thatĻheššs€got€to€get€off€the€computer€to€help€his€mother€with€some€of€her€therapy.€€Kara€tellsĻhim€that€she€thinks€itššs€really€nice€that€he€is€there€to€help€with€his€mother€and€his€sisters.€ĻTells€him€sheššs€never€known€anyone€like€him.€€He€says€that€heššs€blushing€and€thanks€forĻthe€compliment,€but€itššs€a€hassle,€too.€€He€will€email€her€in€a€couple€of€days€if€thatššsĻokay.€€Ō_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō€writes„„€you€better!€€When€that€conversation€is€finished,€KaraĻgets€up€and€goes€into€the€bathroom€to€dump€her€smoking€evidence.€€Then€she€opensĻthe€den€window€wider€to€air€out€the€room.€€Gary€comes€home€and€stumbles€into€theĻliving€room€with€his€Ō_ŌfiancŌ_Ō€under€his€arm€for€support.€€He€is€trying€to€shed€his€clothes€asĻthe€two€slowly€make€their€way€down€the€long€hallway€to€his€bedroom.€€Kara€is€watchingĻthis€as€she€sips€on€a€ginger€aleš!šshe€is€laughing€at€how€silly€her€brother€is,€andĻwondering€how€heššll€be€at€his€own€stag€and€doe€party€in€three€months.Ģą [ ąĢą [ ąTwo€days€later,€Kara€checks€her€email€and€there€is€a€message€from€her€friendĻmany€miles€away.€€She€gets€excited€as€she€points€the€arrow€on€Hammer€Head€andĻclicks€the€mouse.Ō#† X2mX% &ĘŽć #ŌŠ '$Š, ŠŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌĢÓ€3³ÓHey€Kara,ĢJust€wanted€to€drop€a€line€or€two€to€say€how€much€I€enjoyed€our€date€the€other€night.€I€hope€weĻcontinue€to€be€friends.€€You€listen€and€thatššs€cool€because€a€lot€of€girls,€like€you€think€a€lot€ofĻguys,€just€donššt€want€to€talk€about€anything€but€sex€and€that€mess.€€Open„mindedness€is€always€aĻplus€in€a€relationshipš!šno€matter€what€kind€it€is.€€See€Ō_ŌyaŌ_Ō.€€Oh,€hereššs€another€question:€if€yourĻhouse€was€on€fire€and€you€could€only€take€out€three€things€(not€pets€or€people)€what€would€theyŠ |,ß': Šbe?€€Iššll€tell€you€mine€right€now.€€Iššd€take€my€baseball€card€collection,€my€leather€jacket,€and€thisĻlap€top€Iššm€using€right€now.ĢĢYou€had€asked€before€if€I€have€a€nickname.€€Not€really,€but€sometimes€my€friends€call€me€WillieĻbecause€my€last€name€is€Williams.ĢĢWaiting€for€a€response€:)ĢŌ_ŌKilohanaŌ_ŌĢĢŌ#† X2mXõ ōżV.H#ŌĢŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌWOW...Ō_ŌKILOHANAŌ_Ō....GREAT€MESSAGE.€€YOU€REALLY€KNOW€HOW€TO€MAKE€A€GIRLŠ ‚  ŠFEEL€GOOD€ABOUT€HERSELF.€€I€LIKE€TO€THINK€IššM€NOT€A€SELFISH€PERSON.€€BUT€MYĻEX€WOULD€PROBABLY€TELL€YOU€SOMETHING€DIFFERENT.€€DONššT€KNOW€ABOUTĻHIM...HE€JUST€WASNššT€WHAT€I€WANT€OR€NEED,€I€GUESS.€€YOU,€ON€THE€OTHER€HAND,ĻARE€WONDERFUL.€€DO€I€SOUND€CORNEY????€OH€WELL.€€THE€THREE€THINGS€IššD€TAKEĻARE:€1)THE€BOX€I€HAVE€IN€MY€CLOSET€THAT€HAS€LIKE€TONS€OF€PICTURES€IN€IT€FROMĻGRADE€FIVE€TILL€NOW.€2)MY€ROBE€BECAUSE€I€DONššT€THINK€IššD€EVER€FIND€ONE€THATĻCOMFY€AGAIN€(ITššS€TERRYCLOTH€FROM€VICTORIAššS€SECRET...MAGENTA€WHICH€ISĻLIKE€MY€Ō_ŌFAVOURITEŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌCOLOURŌ_Ō)€3)€I€GUESS€IššD€TAKE€MY€COLLECTION€OF€JUDY€BLUMEĻBOOKS€BECAUSE€MY€Ō_ŌGRANDMOMŌ_Ō€KEPT€BUYING€THEM€FOR€ME€YEARS€AGO€AND€IĻLOVED€THEM€AND€NOW€SHEššS€GONE.€EVER€READ€ANY€JUDY€BLUME?€€THEYššREĻGREATš!šESPECIALLY€FOR€GIRLS€WHO€ARE€GOING€THROUGH€THOSE€CHANGES€ALLĻGIRLS€GO€THROUGH.€€EXCEPT,€THE€BOOKS€ARE€DATED€AS€FAR€AS€TAMPONS€ANDĻTHAT€STUFF€GOES.€€DONššT€WANT€TO€GROSS€YOU€OUT€OR€ANYTHING.€I€THINK€YOUĻMIGHT€BE€Ō_ŌLAUGHIGNŌ_Ō€RIGHT€NOW.€HOPE€SO.€€GOTTA€GET€TO€WORK.€LOTS€OF€SCOOPSĻTO€GIVE€OUT€TO€HUNGRY€CUSTOMERS.€€GOTTA€MAKE€THE€WORLD€HAPPY€WITH€ICE„¼CREAM.€€DO€YOU€WORK€AT€A€JOB€OTHER€THAN€AT€HOME?ĢĢ~~KARA~~ĢÓ3³€NHÓĢą [ ąŌ#† X2mXõ ōżVL#ŌŌ‡ &ĘŽ%X X2mŌA€message€is€waiting€for€Kara€when€she€gets€home€from€work.€€Today€she€isŠ Å&("< Šwearing€the€lime€green€shirt€and€there€is€a€chocolate€stain€on€the€front€by€her€left€boob.€ĻShe€has€thought€a€lot€about€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€today€while€scooping€ice„cream.€€Her€two€bestĻfriends€came€in€for€a€banana€split€around€lunch€and€invited€her€to€the€movies€tonight.€€Š +u&B ŠŌ#† X2mX% &ĘŽłQ#ŌŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌÓ€3³ÓHello€Ō_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:Š  ŠYes,€strangely€enough,€I€have€read€some€Judy€Blume€books.€€An€old€girlfriend€of€mine€had€someĻand€weššd€read€to€each€other€once€in€a€while.€€Was€cool.€€I€remember€Are€You€There€God€Itššs€Me,ĻMargaretš!šor€something€like€that.€€Good€answers,€by€the€way.€€ĢĢLife€here€is€getting€really€hectic.€Iššd€love€to€have€you€here€in€person€to€talk€to.€€I€know€thatššs€notĻrealistic€though.€€Just€a€thought.€€My€dadššs€back€right€now€and€keeps€harping€on€me€to€clean€upĻthe€yard€and€stuff.€€Ō_ŌJackassŌ_Ō.€€He€can€be€a€real€pain.€€Iššll€bet€your€dad€is€a€lot€nicer€than€mine.€ĻSounds€like€your€home€life€is€a€lot€less€hectic€than€mine.€€Lucky€for€you.€€This€guy€makes€meĻwant€to€just€get€out€of€here€and€never€come€back.€€Heššs€much€better€with€my€sisters€than€with€meĻbecause€theyššre€his€own€kids.€€Thatššs€what€I€think€anyway.€€Treats€them€like€their€breath€neverĻstinks€in€the€morning.ĢĢI€work€for€my€uncle€in€his€motorcycle€shop€a€few€hours€every€day.€€The€pay€isnššt€all€that€great€butĻitššs€something€to€do€to€get€me€out€of€the€house€for€a€while.€€My€Uncle€Ray€is€my€momššs€onlyĻsibling.€€Heššs€a€recovering€alcoholic.€€Heššs€doing€a€good€job€and€Iššm€proud€of€him.€Donššt€doĻanymore€drugs.€€Ok.ĢĢHope€you€had€a€good€day.€€ĢŌ_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō.ĢŌ#† X2mXõ ōżVÕS#ŌĢą [ ąĢŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌHI€THERE!ą0 ³ ąą0 ³ ;#³ ;#ąą0c ;# ;#ąą0»c;#c;#ąą0»;#»;#ąą0k;#;#ąą0Ćk;#k;#ąą0Ć;#Ć;#ąą0s;#;#ąŠįD,s;#s;# ŠYOU€AND€I€REALLY€LEAD€DIFFERENT€LIVES€HUH?€€IššM€GLAD€THAT€YOU€THINK€OF€ME€ASĻSOMEONE€YOU€CAN€TALK€TO.€€GOING€TO€THE€MOVIES€IN€A€LITTLE€WHILE€SO€I€GOTTAĻJUMP€IN€THE€SHOWER€AND€EAT€SOMETHING€THAT€ISNššT€DAIRY!€:)€€€I€WONššT€DO€ANYĻDRUGS.Ģ~~KARA~~Ō#† X2mXõ ōżV©Y#ŌŠ #ä6 ŠĢĢŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌKara,Š e'Č"< ŠYou€ever€think€about€suicide?ĢHammerhead„„„Ō#† X2mXõ ōżVŃ[#ŌŠ „)%@ ŠŌ‡ &ĘŽ%X X2mŌÓ3³€ōSÓĢą [ ąKara€sits€down€at€the€computer€Thursday€night€after€working€all€day.€€She€isŠ 4,—'D Špooped€from€working€at€The€Scoop.€€She€has€plans€to€go€to€Point€Ō_ŌPeleeŌ_Ō€with€someĻfriends€Saturday€morning€for€the€day.€€It€will€be€nice€weather€and€she€will€be€able€to€addĻto€her€dark€tan.€€Ģą [ ąA€weird€feeling€runs€through€Kara€when€she€reads€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ōššs€one€sentence.€€ItššsĻonly€a€few€€words€but€those€words€are€powerful.€€She€thinks€itššs€just€another€one€of€hisĻquestions€that€will€help€him€get€to€know€her€a€little€better.€€But€sheššs€not€sure€how€toĻanswer.€€What€if€heššs€really€serious€and€has€seriously€considered€killing€himself?€€OrĻsomeone€else?€€Kara€knows€that€not€all€people€online€are€trustworthy€or€sane.€€ThisĻquestion€bothers€her€and€she€starts€thinking€about€the€kind€of€guy€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€really€is.€ĻShe€puts€together€pieces€of€messages€sheššs€gotten€from€him€and€different€things€heššsĻsaid€when€chatting.€€His€life€is€harder€than€hers.€€He€doesnššt€like€his€dad€and€he€feels€aĻresentment€toward€having€to€help€his€mother€all€the€time€while€her€husband€is€off€doingĻwhatever.€€Traveling€on€the€road.€€And€he€doesnššt€want€to€be€responsible€for€raisingĻthree€sisters€when€he€wants€to€lead€a€life€of€his€own.Ģą [ ąKara€sits€in€the€office€chair€and€looks€out€the€window.€€€Her€parents€have€justĻgotten€home€from€their€jobs.€€Suddenly,€she€appreciates€them€more.€€Their€making€herĻclean€the€garage€once€in€a€while€and€empty€the€dishwasher€every€night€doesnššt€seemĻso€harsh€now.€€She€starts€to€really€feel€sorry€for€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō.€€What€can€I€say?€sheĻwonders.€€He€makes€me€think€of€stuff€that€Iššve€never€really€thought€about.€€ĢÓ€i£3³ÓŌ#† X2mX% &ĘŽm\#ŌĢĢÓ3³€·cÓŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌÓ€3³ÓŌ_ŌKILOHANAŌ_Ō,Š ž"* ŠJUST€GOT€IN€FROM€WORK.€€LOTS€OF€SCOOPING€TODAY.€€IššM€REALLY€TIRED.€€PLUS,€IĻDIDNššT€GET€A€LOT€OF€SLEEP€LAST€NIGHT.€€AND€NOW€YOU€ASK€IF€I€HAVE€EVERĻTHOUGHT€ABOUT€SUICIDE...WHO€HASNššT?€€IššVE€THOUGHT€ABOUT€IT€BUT€NOTĻSERIOUSLY.€€WHEN€MY€LIFE€HAS€BEEN€Ō_ŌTUFFŌ_Ō,€IN€THE€PAST,€IššVE€WONDERED€ABOUTĻTAKING€A€BUNCH€OF€PILLS€TO€BE€DONE€WITH€EVERYTHING.€€THATššS€AS€FAR€AS€ITššSĻGONE.€€I€LIKE€MY€LIFE,€NO€MATTER€WHAT€Ō_ŌCRAPŌ_Ō€GOES€ALONG€WITH€IT.€€I€HAVE€AĻš šMAKING€MOVIESšš€LIFE€WAITING.€€SO,€THATššS€MY€ANSWER.€€I€HOPE€YOUR€ANSWERĻWOULD€BE€ABOUT€THE€SAME€AS€MINE.Š ž+': ЇTAKE€CARE.€€IššLL€BE€OFFLINE€THE€NEXT€COUPLE€OF€DAYS.Ģ~~KARA~~Ō#† X2mXõ ōżVd#ŌŠ ½  ŠÓ3³€'dÓĢĢą [ ąŌ‡ &ĘŽ%X X2mŌKara€has€just€returned€from€sunning€herself€with€her€friends.€€Her€face€is€shinyŠ ’ b Šwith€a€red€tint.€€€She€checks€her€email,€but,€of€the€fifteen€messages,€none€are€fromĻŌ_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō.€€So€Kara€decides€to€go€into€a€Ō_ŌchatroomŌ_Ō€for€a€little€while.€€Since€sheššs€beenĻcorresponding€with€Hammerhead829,€she€hasnššt€done€any€other€chatting€and€she€hasĻbeen€deleting€more€messages€than€she€reads.Ģą [ ąWhen€she€sees€that€Hammerhead829€is€online,€she€sends€him€a€privateĻmessage.ĢĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€hey!€€Whatššs€going€on€ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€u€thereĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€waiting€for€u€to€answer...ĢHammerhead829:€im€hereĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌwuzŌ_Ō€just€talking€with€my€momĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€how€is€sheĢHammerhead829:€bitchy€right€nowĢHammerhead829:€but€her€therapy€is€going€okĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌshesŌ_Ō€in€Ō_ŌsoemŌ_Ō€painĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€is€that€normalĢHammerhead829:€yeahĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌdidntŌ_Ō€make€u€uncomfortable€with€that€bit€about€suicide,€did€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€a€little.€€Hard€to€talk€aboutĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌIveŌ_Ō€thought€a€lot€about€itš"ševen€tried€once.€€Obviously€Ō_ŌdidntŌ_Ō€work.ĢĢą [ ąKara€isnššt€sure€how€to€respond.€€She€wants€to€ask€how€he€tried,€but€doesnššt€wantĻto€pry.€€But...he€has€offered€a€lot€of€information€on€his€own€and€does€not€appear€to€beŠ g,Ź'8 Šshy€about€talking€about€suicide.ĢĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€what€did€u€doĢHammerhead829:€took€a€bunch€of€pills„„„„like€u€said.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€scary...what€happenedĢHammerhead829:€overdosed„„„„Ō_ŌthatsŌ_Ō€it.€€€Dad€found€me€in€my€room„„„called€911„„„„wentĻto€hospital.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€glad€he€found€uĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌlolŌ_Ō.€€Ō_ŌTYŌ_Ō.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Iššm€serious,€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō.€€Youššre€a€good€guy€with€a€lot€of€Ō_ŌdiffŌ_Ō€interestsĻand€stuff.€€Seem€fun€and€smart€and€nice.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€youššre€scaring€me€kinda...stopĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌdontŌ_Ō€mean€to.€€Its€life.€€Mine.ĢHammerhead829:€y€Ō_ŌshouldntŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€just€off€myself€with€a€gun?€€ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€hey...Iššm€not€some€therapist€u€know.€€Freaking€me€out!!!ĢHammerhead829:€the€way€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€feel€right€now.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€u€should€talk€to€a€trained€person...not€me.ĢHammerhead829:€but€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€am€talking€to€u.ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€like€talking€to€u.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€usually€give€guys€advice€on€girlfriends...not€staying€alive.€€Not€fair€toĻput€me€in€this€position.ĢHammerhead829:€sorry.ĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€need€u€right€nowš"što€help€me.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€y€meĢHammerhead829:€u€care.€€I€know€it.€€U€know€it.€€Ō_ŌTheresŌ_Ō€just€something€between€us€thatĻmakes€u€care.€€Yd€we€meet?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€shrugs.ĢHammerhead829:€u€believe€in€chains€of€events?€€Fate?Š R+µ&6 ŠŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€shrugs€againĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌpmedŌ_Ō€u€Ō_ŌcuzŌ_Ō€u€were€thereš"šŌ_ŌthatsŌ_Ō€y.€€I€could€be€dead€right€now€if€uĻŌ_ŌhadntŌ_Ō€been€there.€U€know€that?€€I€got€to€liking€u.€€ĢHammerhead829:€and€u€got€to€liking€me.€€Im€Ō_ŌdiffŌ_Ō€remember?€€Than€the€others.€€U€likeĻthat.€€Meeting€me€showed€u€that€Ō_ŌtheresŌ_Ō€other€kinds€of€people€than€what€Ō_ŌyerŌ_Ō€used€to.€€UĻsee?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€guess...yeah...smiles.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€so...u€want€me€to€talk€u€out€of€killing€yourself?ĢHammerhead829:€shrugsš"šŌ_ŌdontŌ_Ō€know€if€Ō_ŌitllŌ_Ō€workĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€maybe€u€got€stuck€caring€for€your€mom€Ō_ŌcuzŌ_Ō€your€dad€canššt€do€a€goodĻjob...or€maybe€Ō_ŌcuzŌ_Ō€u€care€moreĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€???ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€if€u€off€yourself,€then€whoššd€care€for€your€sisters€and€mom€when€yourĻdadššs€gone.€€€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō...sounds€like€u€r€needed€too€much.€€Forget€about€your€dad...yourĻsisters€and€mom€need€u!ĢHammerhead829:€makes€sense€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€guess.€I€already€thought€Ō_ŌabotuŌ_Ō€thatĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€then€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€donššt€know€what€to€say€to€uĢHammerhead829:€yĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€y??????????ĢHammerhead829:€yeah„„„y€Ō_ŌdontŌ_Ō€u€know€what€to€say?ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€maybe€Ō_ŌcuzŌ_Ō€Iššm€only€17€and€havenššt€been€in€this€situation!!!ĢHammerhead829:€good€answerĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€u€r€starting€to€Ō_ŌpissŌ_Ō€me€off€Ō_ŌkilohanaŌ_Ō.€€is€this€a€quizĢHammerhead829:€uh„uhš"šy€Ō_ŌhaventŌ_Ō€u€already€signed€offš"šu€could€just€leave€the€roomĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€donššt€know!€€ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€screams€inside€at€u...ok€look...ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€if€killing€yourself€is€the€only€thing€u€think€u€have€left...option...thenĻthatššs€what€u€think€and€nothing€Ō_ŌiŌ_Ō€say,€like€u€said,€will€change€your€mind.Š R+µ&6 Їą [ ąKaraššs€fingers€are€just€typing€away€and€she€cannot€believe€that€sheššs€telling€himĻall€of€this.€€She€is€wondering€where€this€little€lecture€is€coming€from.€€She€keeps€tellingĻherself€to€get€out€of€the€room,€to€leave€him€alone€with€his€problems,€but€she€canšštĻactually€do€it.€€Thereššs€something€that€keeps€her€there.€€Curiosity?€€Heart?ĢĢHammerhead829:€U€R€RIGHTĢHammerhead829:€Ō_ŌbrbŌ_Ō...phoneĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€my€momššs€calling€for€dinner...gotta€go.ĢŌ_ŌGolden_goddessŌ_Ō:€meet€me€online€in€an€hour€so€we€can€talk€some€moreĢĢą [ ąShe€closes€the€chat€windows€and€goes€into€the€kitchen.€€Her€mother€has€cookedĻsteaks€for€everyone€with€green€beans€and€mashed€potatoes.€€Kara€is€very€hungry€andĻnervous.€€Thinking€about€what€she€just€told€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€scares€her.€€She€feels€like€sheššsĻtrying€to€coax€a€jumper€down€off€of€a€buildingššs€ledge.€€On€top€of€her€nervousness,€aĻfeeling€of€anger€sneaks€in.€€Why€does€he€think€he€can€just€talk€to€anyone€about€that?€ĻBut€she€told€him€before€that€she€likes€to€think€that€sheššs€not€a€selfish€person.€€In€theĻmidst€of€her€devouring€the€steak€and€other€food,€Kara€wishes,€in€a€way,€that€she€neverĻmet€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō.€€What€will€I€say€when€we€meet€online€after€dinner?Ģą [ ąGary€and€Kara€clear€off€the€dinner€dishes,€scrap€the€remnants€into€the€trash,Ļthen€load€the€dishwasher.€€She€wipes€her€hands€and€heads€for€the€den.€€She€wants€aĻcigarette.€€Dials€up.€€Waits.€€Waits.€€Punches€in€user€name€and€password.€€NoĻHammerhead829.€€Waits.€€Waits.€€Chats€aimlessly€with€some€people€in€the€room.€ĻStupid€stuff.€€Nothing€exciting.€€Not€like€with€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō.€€Twenty€minutes€later€heššs€stillĻnot€there.€€Another€twenty€minutes€goes€by€and€heššs€not€there.€€She€checks€her€emailĻthinking€that€maybe€he€couldnššt€make€it€back€so€he€left€her€a€message.€€No€messagesĻfrom€Hammer€Head.€€Kara€goes€back€to€the€room.€€Searches€for€Hammerhead829€butĻhas€no€luck.€€He€is€not€online.€€Ģą [ ąReturning€home€at€eleven€oššclock€from€hanging€out€at€her€friendššs€house,€KaraŠ R+µ&6 Šgoes€into€the€den€and€dials€up.€€First€she€checks€her€mail.€€The€message€she€wants€isĻnot€there.€€So€she€goes€into€a€Ō_ŌchatroomŌ_Ō.€€Hammerhead829€is€not€online.€€This€worriesĻKara.€€Maybe€he€had€other€stuff€to€do?€€Kara€chats€with€another€guy€namedĻGroovemebaby1212.€€Itššs€the€same€stuff€as€usualš!šbody€statistics€and€sex€stuff.€€But€sheĻgoes€along€with€it€and€has€some€fun.€€At€least€this€has€taken€her€mind€off€of€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō.€ĻGroovemebaby1212€wants€to€email€Kara€but€she€declines.€€Tells€him€that€she€doesnšštĻdo€that.€€Ģą [ ąThree€days€go€by.€€Still€there€is€no€message€from€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€even€after€Kara€hasĻsent€him€two€messagesš!šshort€but€sincereš!šthe€past€two€days.€€In€one€of€the€messagesĻshe€told€him€how€tall€she€really€is€and€how€much€she€really€weighs.€€Sheššs€now€thinkingĻthat€maybe€heššs€mad€that€she€lied€to€him.€€And€she€is€really€worried€he€hasnšštĻresponded€and€sheššs€not€sure€exactly€why€because€itššs€not€like€they€ever€saw€eachĻother€in€person.€€Heššs€not€one€of€her€best€friends.€€But€she€does€care!€€She€really€likesĻhimš!šnot€in€a€very€romantic€wayš!šbut€she€likes€him€all€the€same.€€And€now€Kara€has€noĻidea€what€to€think.€€She€decides€to€wait€one€more€day€before€she€sends€him€anotherĻmessage€telling€him€that€maybe€they€shouldnššt€continue€chatting€or€contacting€eachĻother.€€What€if€he€shot€himself?€she€wonders.€€What€if€he€was€only€kidding€aboutĻeverything?€€What€if€he€is€dead€right€now€and€Iššm€the€last€person€he€had€contact€with?€ĻA€terrible€pang€is€in€Karaššs€stomach.€€She€runs€to€the€bathroom€and€vomits€in€the€toilet.€ĻHer€mother€comes€in€to€find€Kara€hunched€over€the€toilet€and€crying.€€Her€words€are€notĻvery€audible€and€her€mother€is€fighting€with€her€to€calm€down.€€Now€Mr.€Ō_ŌMcKayŌ_Ō€is€in€theĻbathroom€trying€to€calm€his€wife.Ģą [ ąKara€is€on€the€sofa€wrapped€in€a€blanket.€€She€is€holding€a€small€glass€of€gingerĻale€and€her€parents€are€sitting€around€her.€€Kara€tells€them€about€this€online€relationshipĻsheššs€had€the€past€couple€weeks€with€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€in€Oregon.€€She€tells€them€about€howĻnice€and€smart€he€is€and€about€the€Ō_ŌemailsŌ_Ō€he€sent€her.€€Then€she€breaks€down€againĻand€sobs€as€she€speaks,€revealing€everything€about€their€last€conversation.€€š šIššm€scaredĻthat€he€killed€himself€and€he€was€trying€to€reach€out€to€me€for€help!šš€€Her€parents€try€toŠ R+µ&6 Šcomfort€her€in€any€way€they€can€think€of.€€They€call€her€best€friend€who€might€be€able€toĻhelp.€€Kara€is€shaking,€red€in€the€face,€breathing€heavily.€€She€can€only€wonder€andĻhope€that€she€gets€some€sort€of€message€from€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€soon.€€Mr.€and€Mrs.€Ō_ŌMcKayŌ_Ō€talkĻabout€€monitoring€their€daughterššs€online€activities.€€Her€father€makes€a€remark€aboutĻcrazies€online,€but€Kara€fights€him€on€that€saying€that€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€wasnššt€like€that.Ģą [ ąThis€is€day€four.€€Kara€is€not€at€work€today.€€Alone€in€the€house,€she€wandersĻfrom€room€to€room,€thinking€about€her€family€and€how€hurt€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€must€be.€€But€can€IĻreally€trust€him?€€Maybe€Dad€is€right.€€He€could€live€in€Texas€and€be€a€millionaireššs€kidĻfor€all€I€know.€€Although€she€tries€to€fight€the€urge€to€turn€on€the€computer,€she€gives€in.€ĻDials€up.€€Logs€into€her€email€account.€€And€thereššs€a€message€from€Hammer€Head.€ĻHer€heart€drops€to€the€floor€in€relief.ĢŌ#† X2mX% &ĘŽ¢g#ŌĢŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌÓ€3³ÓHey,Š óV ŠDonššt€have€much€time.€€Going€away€for€awhile.€€Got€your€messages.€€Sorry€you€worried.€€YouĻdidnššt€ignore€me.€€Taking€your€advice.€€Talked€to€my€uncle€and€heššll€take€some€time€off€work€toĻstay€with€my€mom€while€my€dadššs€out€of€town€the€next€couple€days.€€Iššm€going€to€a€place€inĻArizona€for€a€few€weeks.€€I€came€close€to€losing€it€the€other€night.€€Thank€you,€Kara.€€Maybe€weššllĻmeet€online€again€someday.€€Good€luck€to€you€with€film€and€other€things.ĢŌ_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ōą0 ³ ąą0 ³ ;#³ ;#ąą0c ;# ;#ąą0»c;#c;#ąŠ³$»;#»;# ŠŌ#† X2mXõ ōżV?˜#ŌÓ3³€^˜ÓĢÓ€3³ÓÓ3³€Óą [ ąŌ‡ &ĘŽ%X X2mŌTears€fall€down€her€cheeks€as€she€reads€the€messageš!šover€and€over.€€KaraŠ dĒ( ŠŌ_ŌMcKayŌ_Ō€is€so€relieved€that€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō€did€not€leave€her€in€the€dark.€€She€whispers,€š šGoodĻluck€to€you,€Ō_ŌKilohanaŌ_Ō.€€You€ņņare€óósupreme.šš€€Instead€of€chatting€or€opening€otherŠ B"„, Šmessages,€Kara€goes€into€her€closet€and€pulls€out€the€big€box€of€photos.Ō#† X2mX% &ĘŽW›#ŌŠ ·#. ŠĢÓ€3³9›ÓÓ€ÓĢĢĢĢĢĢŠ ?,¢'8 ЇĢĢĢĢĢÓ€”ÓÓ  ÓÓ€ÓSAXOPHONEĢÓŻÓĢĢĢĢĢĢÓ€éÓÓ3³=¢€Óą [ ąŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌParents,€teachers,€and€friends€of€the€music€students€at€Ō_ŌGlenmoraŌ_Ōššs€biggest€high€schoolŠ ­  Šalmost€filled€the€large€auditorium.€€Ebony€Monroe€was€one€of€those€in€attendance.€€She€wasĻexcited€to€hear€her€friend€Tara€play€the€piano,€and€to€see€what€a€recital€was€like.€€Ģą [ ąThe€November€recital€was€the€first€in€a€series€of€three€recitals€for€the€students€during€theĻschool€year;€inevitably,€for€all€involved,€it€was€the€most€exhausting€to€prepare€for€and€listen€to.€ĻThe€second€show€of€skill€and€talent€took€place€during€the€week„long€Mardi€Gras€parades€inĻFebruary.€€The€first€week€of€June€was€when€the€final€concert€was€held.€€It€was€during€theĻNovember€recital€when€Ebony€decided€she€wanted€to€play€the€saxophone.ą s ąŠ —ś ŠĢą [ ąEbony€Monroe€came€to€school€for€the€second€time€that€humid€November€evening€to€hearĻher€friend€Tara€play€the€piano.€€Although€she€began€to€yawn€two€numbers€before€her€friendššs,ĻEbony€paid€close€attention€to€the€music€Tara€was€making,€pounding€the€keys€of€the€schoolššsĻbrand€new€piano.€€When€Tara€was€finished,€Ebony€clapped€as€loudly€as€she€could.€€She€evenĻtried€to€let€loose€a€piercing€whistle€which€resulted€in€her€spraying€spittle€on€her€legs.€€Ģą [ ąAs€Tara€disappeared€behind€the€crimson€curtain,€a€short,€pudgy,€bushy„black„haired€boyĻstepped€to€the€microphone,€a€shiny€saxophone€hanging€from€his€neck€by€a€thick€leather€strap.€ĻEbony€sat€up€straight.€€Until€her€grandfather€died€six€years€before,€he€would€play€his€jazz€and€bigĻband€albums€whenever€Ebony€visited€him.€€And€he€would€tap€his€feet,€snap€his€fingers,€andĻwhistle€along€with€the€guys€making€all€the€noise€that€sounded€so€good.€€That€is€where€Ebony€gotĻher€first€taste€of€the€saxophone.€€But€in€the€auditorium,€sitting€in€the€dark,€watching€the€stage,Ļwas€her€first€taste€in€person.Ģą [ ąThis€boy,€who€introduced€himself€as€a€sophomore,€had€been€playing€the€saxophone€forĻthree€years.€€Immediately€after€he€started€blowing€into€the€mouthpiece,€Ebony€could€feel€theŠ ±+'8 Šenergy€of€the€notes€course€through€her€body€and€stimulate€her€eyes,€ears,€brain,€lungs,€lips,€andĻfingers.€€She€found€herself€holding€her€hands€like€the€bushy„haired€boy,€as€if€there€were€a€shinyĻinstrument€in€her€hands.€€The€music€that€came€from€the€boyššs€lungs€and€fingers€piqued€EbonyššsĻinterest€so€much€that€she€decided€right€then,€sitting€in€the€auditorium€of€her€high€school,€that€she,ĻEbony€Monroe,€was€going€to€be€a€black,€female,€professional€saxophonistš!šand€she€was€going€toĻbe€so€good€that€her€grandfather,€wherever€he€may€have€been,€would€be€able€to€snap€his€fingersĻand€tap€his€feet€to€the€rhythm€of€her€music.Ģą [ ąš šI€Ō_ŌwunnaŌ_Ō€play€the€saxophone,šš€Ebony€excitedly€told€her€mother€when€she€got€home€fromĻthe€recital.€€She€stepped€out€of€her€sandals€onto€the€cold,€tiled€floor.Ģą [ ąš šYou€want€to€what?šš€her€mother€asked.Ģą [ ąš šPlay€the€saxophone.€€I€heard€this€kid€Ō_ŌplayinŌ_Ōšš€at€the€recitalš!šhe€was€up€right€after€Tara,€andĻthatššs€what€I€Ō_ŌwunnaŌ_Ō€do.šš€€Her€dark€eyes€sparkled.Ģą [ ąMrs.€Monroe€was€standing€at€the€kitchen€sink€drying€the€suds€from€her€hands€with€aĻragged€dish€towel.€€She€sighed,€tossing€the€towel€on€the€counter.€€Ebonyššs€mother€was€a€tallĻwoman,€who€attracted€attention€when€she€walked€into€a€room.€€Her€walnut„colored€skin€shone€atĻall€times€during€the€day,€and€when€she€walked,€she€looked€as€if€she€were€floating,€alwaysĻdignified,€always€looking€straight€ahead.€€Ebony€looked€very€much€like€her€mother,€although€sheĻwould€never€be€as€tall.€€Mrs.€Monroe€spoke€slowly€and€articulately,€so€she€cringed€at€herĻdaughterššs€slang€and€misuse€of€the€language€Ebony€practiced€well€until€she€got€to€ninth€gradeĻand€started€hanging€around€girls€whose€misuse€of€the€language€was€no€big€deal,€or€even€aĻthought.Ģą [ ąš šPlease,€Ebony,€slow€down€when€you€speak€so€that€people€can€understand€you,šš€she€toldĻher€daughter,€who,€by€this€time,€had€her€head€buried€in€the€refrigerator.€€š šWhile€youššre€at€it,€cleanĻup€your€way€of€speaking€so€employers€will€know€that€you€are€an€intelligent€young€woman.€€YouĻdonššt€get€that€from€me.ššĢą [ ąš šDo€you€really€think€that€some€guy€wonššt€hire€me€Ō_ŌcuzŌ_Ō€a€the€way€I€talk?šš€she€asked,Ļstraightening€the€askew,€small,€beige€bow€barrette€in€her€hair.Ģą [ ąMrs.€Monroe€nodded€her€head€definitively,€touched€the€string€of€pearls€around€her€neck.Ģą [ ąš šWell,€thatššs€stupid.ššĢą [ ąš šYes,€well,€one€cannot€judge€a€book€by€its€cover,€Ebony.€€You€look€lovely€on€the€outside,Ļbut€once€you€open€your€mouth,€that€is€a€different€story.ššĢą [ ąEbony€sat€looking,€as€if€in€a€trance,€at€her€motherššs€mocha„painted€lips€moving.€€SheŠ ,z'> Šcertainly€did€not€want€her€mother€telling€her€how€stupid€she€sounded.€€But€the€little€lecture€beganĻto€sink€in,€just€a€bit.Ģą [ ąš šThat€makes€ņņsomeóó€sense,€Mom,šš€Ebony€said,€pulling€a€pickle€from€the€jar.€€š šIššll€give€Ō_ŌyaŌ_ŌŠ )Œ Šthat€much.€€But€if€Iššm€gonna€be€a€famous€saxophone€player,€no€Ō_ŌoneššllŌ_Ō€care€what€my€speech€isĻlike.ššĢą [ ąš šPlease€tell€me€more€about€this€saxophone€interest.ššĢą [ ąš šLike€I€said€before,€I€saw€this€kid€at€the€recital.€€And€you€know€how€Poppy€had€all€thoseĻold€jazz€records€and€had€me€Ō_ŌlisteninŌ_Ōšš€to€ššem€since€I€could€crawl?ššĢą [ ąHer€mother€nodded.Ģą [ ąš šWell,€that€got€to€me.€€Ō_ŌCuzŌ_Ō€when€that€kid€started€Ō_ŌplayinŌ_Ōšš,€I€tell€Ō_ŌyaŌ_Ō,€I€felt€chills€all€overš!šlikeĻthis€surge€was€surging€through€me.ššĢą [ ąš šWhat€kind€of€surge?ššĢą [ ąš šEnergy,€Mom,šš€Ebony€said,€matter„of„Ō_ŌfactlyŌ_Ō,€unbuttoning€the€wrist€buttons€of€the€red€silkĻblouse€she€was€wearing.€€š šIt€was€like€God€was€Ō_ŌtellinŌ_Ōšš€me€thatššs€what€Iššm€supposed€to€be€doing.€ĻPlaying€the€sax.ššĢą [ ąEbonyššs€face€looked€very€pure€and€innocent.€€Her€feelings€were€genuine,€not€like€whenĻshe€would€try€convincing€her€mother€to€let€her€stay€out€past€her€curfew,€or€trying€to€cover€herselfĻwith€lies€when€she€was€late.€€There€were€no€lies€to€be€told€as€she€sat€with€her€mother€at€theĻkitchen€table.€€Mrs.€Monroe€listened€attentively€to€what€Ebony€was€saying.€€She€sat€tall€andĻstraight€in€the€chair,€resting€her€long€hands€and€fingers€on€the€table.Ģą [ ąš šAnd€Ō_ŌyaŌ_Ō€know€whatššs€really€weird?ššĢą [ ąHer€mother€shook€her€head,€no.Ģą [ ąš šTara€had€to€ņņdragóó€me€to€that€thing.€€Good€thing€I€was€there,€huh?ššŠ Ø , Šą [ ąš šAre€you€sure€thatššs€what€you€want€to€do,€dear?€€Play€an€instrument?ššĢą [ ą€Ebony€slapped€the€table€with€a€strong,€slender€hand.€€š šYou€canššt€do€that.ššĢą [ ąš šExcuse€me?ššĢą [ ąš šWhat€you€Ō_ŌjistŌ_Ō€said,šš€Ebony€told€her€mother,€somewhat€angrily.€€š šYou€followed€ņņyouróóŠ Ē%*!4 Šdream€to€be€a€dancer.€€You€did€that€till€your€knee€got€too€hurt.€€Thatššs€what€ņņyou€óóŌ_ŌwuntedŌ_Ō€to€do€withŠ 'w"6 Šņņyouróó€life.€€And€didnššt€you€and€Dad€meet€at€some€ņņproóótest€thing€somewhere€in€Washington?ššŠ a(Ä#8 Šą [ ąMrs.€Monroe€looked€narrow„eyed€at€her€daughter.Ģą [ ąš šNow€youššre€an€accountant,šš€Ebony€continued.€š šYou€did€what€you€felt€was€right.€€ThatššsĻthe€same€with€me.ššŠ :,'> Šą [ ąš šWhere€will€you€get€a€saxophone,€Ebony?šš€her€mother€asked.€€š šMoney€is€not€exactlyĻgrowing€on€a€tree€in€the€backyard.€€After€we€pay€for€the€new€roof€next€month,€money€will€beĻextremely€tight€around€here.€€Weššre€living€paycheck€to€paycheck.ššĢą [ ąš šWhat€about€that€deal€that€Charlie€was€Ō_ŌworkinŌ_Ōšš€on€that€was€supposed€to€be€worth€soĻmuch€money?šš€€Ebony€pulled€another€pickle€from€the€jar,€crunched€into€it€loudly,€awaiting€anĻanswer€from€her€mother.€€An€answer€she€knew€her€mother€could€not€give€her.€€š šHeššs€another€one,ĻMom.€€One€scam€after€another€with€him.€€Mr.€Wanna€Make€It€Rich.ššĢą [ ąš šArenššt€you€the€mature€one€now.šš€€Mrs.€Monroe€stood€up.€€She€towered€over€her€onlyĻchild.€€š šWhat€Charlie€does€is€his€business€and€mine.€€I€take€care€of€you€and€your€neņņcessóóities.€€IššveŠ Ķ0  Štold€you€many€times€that€he€cared€for€us€whenš!šššĢą [ ąš šš!šDad€died€four€years€ago,šš€Ebony€said.€€She€turned€a€thick€silver€ring€round€and€roundĻon€her€thumb.€€š šCared€forņņ€youóó€is€more€like€it.€€He€didnššt€even€know€me€then.€€Youššre€the€one€whoŠ ¦  Šfell€in€love,€not€me.ššĢą [ ą€€Mrs.€Monroeššs€tone€became€more€harsh€as€she€continued.€€š šHe€took€us€into€this€houseĻwhen€we€had€nothing,€young€lady.€€Youššre€too€hard€on€him.€€Believe€me,€itššs€no€secret€that€youĻdonššt€love€him€the€way€I€do.€€Heššs€a€good€man,€Ebony,€even€though€heššs€not€a€very€businessĻsavvy€man.€€We€live€well€enough.ššĢą [ ąAfter€a€few€seconds€of€silence€Ebony€said,€š šIššll€earn€the€money.€€I€can€have€a€yard€saleĻwith€all€the€Ō_ŌcrapŌ_Ō€in€the€garage€that€we€moved€here€and€donššt€need€no€more.€€Thereššs€lots€of€thatĻkind€a€junk.ššĢą [ ąMrs.€Monroe€showed€her€daughter€a€slight€smile.€€Her€way€of€telling€Ebony€that€Ō_ŌthatŌ_Ō€wasĻfine€with€her.€€A€good€idea.Ģą [ ąš šDo€you€have€a€plan,€Ebony?€€Or€do€you€think€that€once€you€have€the€saxophone€in€yourĻhands€that€youššll€automatically€know€how€to€play€it?ššĢą [ ąEbony€shook€her€head.€€š šYawp.€€Thatššs€right,€Mom.šš€€She€sat€back€in€the€chair,€hard.€ĻCrossed€her€arms.€€š šForget€it.€€Iššll€make€you€change€your€mind€ššbout€all€this€once€I€get€Ō_ŌgoinŌ_Ōšš€andĻget€good.€€Youššll€see.šš€€She€walked€away,€leaving€the€half„empty€pickle€jar€to€sweat€on€the€table.€€¼ą [ ąš šWait€a€second!šš€Mrs.€Monroe€walked€over€to€Ebony.€€š šIššm€not€trying€to€make€you€feelĻbad,€Ebony.€€I€just€want€you€to€ņņreallyóó€know€what€youššre€doing.€€And€I€would€never€try€to€stop€youŠ S(¶#8 Šfrom€pursuing€a€dream.šš€€She€reached€out€and€put€her€hands€on€her€daughterššs€shoulders.€€š šMakeĻsure€you€talk€to€someone€at€school€about€this€so€you€know€what€you€have€in€store€for€yourselfĻand€what,€ņņexactlyóó,€you€need€to€do.ššŠ ,,'> Šą [ ąEbony€smiled€and€hugged€her€mother,€kissed€her€on€the€cheek.€Ģą [ ąš šOne€more€thing,€Ebony,šš€Mrs.€Monroe€said,€stroking€her€daughterššs€shiny€black€hair.€€š šIfĻyou€donššt€have€every€grade€eighty€or€above€on€your€report€card€in€three€weeks,€then€you€wonššt€beĻpursuing€this€dream€just€yet.€€Is€that€understood?ššĢą [ ąš šYeah,šš€Ebony€said,€š šI€guess.€€Three€Ō_ŌweeksššllŌ_Ō€fly€by€in€no€time.€€In€the€meantime,€Iššll€findĻout€all€that€stuff€you€told€me€to€find€out.ššĢą [ ąš šThatššs€very€sensible€of€you.ššĢą [ ąEbony€left€her€mother€standing€in€the€living€room€as€she€walked€toward€her€bedroom,Ļknowing€that€the€test€she€had€the€next€day€just€got€more€important.Ģą [ ąą ³ ąą  ąą c ąą » ą/ą0  ą/ą0k;#;#ą/Šv k;#k;# Šą [ ąBecause€she€had€no€prior€experience,€Ebony€could€not€get€into€the€music€class€at€school.€ĻSo,€just€before€Christmas,€Ebony€Monroe€enrolled€in€an€after„school€music€class€given€by€theĻmusic€teacher€at€her€school.€€The€lessons€and€use€of€instrument€were€free.€€This€was€fortunateĻbecause€Ebony€hadnššt€had€that€yard€sale€yet.€€Ģą [ ąAt€first,€she€couldnššt€practice€as€much€as€she€wanted€to€because€she€had€to€keep€herĻgrades€above€eighty.€€And€that€was€difficult€for€Ebony.€€As€a€young€girl,€she€had€fallen€off€of€aĻswing€and€suffered€some€minor€head€trauma.€€The€trauma,€however,€was€major€enough€to€giveĻher€a€learning€disability.€€Grades€five€through€eight€were€spent€in€special€education,€but€when€sheĻgot€to€high€school,€Ebony€was€mainstreamed€into€regular,€standard€level€classesš!šall€except€forĻmath.€€Even€in€eleventh€grade,€Ebony€was€still€attending€special€math€classes.€€But€that€didnšštĻbother€her€at€all€because€she€knew€that€she€could€learn€better,€instead€of€failing€in€regular€mathĻclasses.Ģą [ ąThe€struggle€was€not€only€because€of€a€learning€disability,€it€was€also€partly€Ebonyššs€lackĻof€interest€in€school;€she€was€not€the€most€conscientious€student€in€Ō_ŌGlenmoraŌ_Ō,€nor€did€she€wantĻto€push€herself€harder,€harder,€harder.€€Her€mother€had€given€up€the€fight€with€her,€but€enforcedĻthe€eighty„percent€rule.€€Basically,€Ebony€did€enough€work€in€school€to€keep€her€grades€hoveringĻaround€the€middle€C€range,€getting€the€occasional€B€or€B„.Ģą [ ąEbony€fell€in€love€with€the€music€she€could€make.€€When€she€first€began€the€lessons,€sheĻwas€frustrated€with€reading€the€music.€€Once€she€knew€the€notes,€her€instrument,€and€could€playĻscales,€she€had€her€firm€foundation.€€Every€free€minute€she€had€at€home,€Ebony€was€in€theĻbasement€practicing.€€She€would€even€go€over€to€Taraššs€house€and€play€with€her.€€Three€monthsĻlater,€her€instructor€was€so€impressed€with€Ebonyššs€progress€and€performance,€that€he€informedŠ ,z'> Šher€of€a€one„time,€underprivileged„area€scholarship€that€would€be€her€ticket€to€music€camp€thatĻsummer.€€The€scholarship€would€be€hers€if€she€wanted€it.€€Her€instructor€knew€that€by€the€timeĻthe€camp€began€in€July,€Ebony€would€be€good€enough€to€attend€on€the€intermediate€level.€Ģą [ ąš šThat€sounds€wonderful,€dear,šš€Mrs.€Monroe€told€her€daughter.€€š šIššve€heard€youĻdownstairs€and€I€have€to€admit€that€you€sound€really€good.€€Iššm€proud€of€you€for€sticking€with€this.€ĻIf€only€you€did€that€for€your€Ō_ŌgrŌ_Ōš!šššą c ąŠ ū ^  Šą [ ąš šNot€a€lecture,€please,€Mom,šš€Ebony€groaned.€€š šCanššt€you€tell€anything€else€thatššsĻhappened€with€me?šš€€Ebony€smiled,€exposing€the€yellowed€canine€tooth€that€contrasted€with€theĻwhiteness€of€her€other€teeth.Ģą [ ąHer€mother€shrugged,€giving€her€daughter€a€furtive€glance.Ģą [ ąš šMy€ņņlanóóguage€has€improved,šš€Ebony€said€proudly.€€š šCanššt€you€tell?ššŠ Y¼  Šą [ ąš šYes,€I€can...a€little€bit,šš€her€mother€said,€turning€her€string€of€pearls€so€the€clasp€restedĻon€the€back€of€her€long€neck.€€š šStill€a€long€way€to€go,€but€good€work.ššĢą [ ąEbony,€her€mother,€and€Charlie€went€through€the€garage,€basement,€and€shed,€to€findĻanything€that€they€could€possibly€sell€at€the€yard€sale.€€There€was€so€much€extra€furnitureĻcluttering€up€rooms,€the€garage,€the€shed,€that€Ebony€had€more€than€the€$250€she€needed€toĻpurchase€the€Elkhart€Student€Model€Alto€that€she€had€her€eye€on.€€The€other€money€earned€wentĻtoward€getting€a€new,€used€washing€machine.€€Because€Ebonyššs€final€report€card€for€the€yearĻshowed€that€her€grades,€although€not€fantastic,€had€stayed€the€same€or€increased€slightly,€herĻmother€allowed€her€to€attend€Jurgen€Ō_ŌEngelhardtŌ_Ōššs€music€camp€in€Nashville€that€July.€Ģą [ ąThe€four„week€camp€was€divided€into€two€groupsš!šintermediate€and€advanced.€€TheĻintermediate€group€included€students€who€had€been€playing€their€respective€instruments€for€lessĻthan€one€year€and€had€excelled€in€their€lessons.€€The€instructors€were€there€to€teach€and€guideĻthe€intermediate€students,€not€to€cause€anxiety€over€becoming€an€advanced€student€by€the€endĻof€the€four„week€period.€€There€was,€however,€no€room€for€inadequacy€or€laziness.€€On€top€ofĻactual€music„making,€students€were€expected€to€learn€from€the€textbook€and€notes€given€by€eachĻinstructor.€€Ebony€felt€very€comfortable€in€her€classes€and€with€her€instructor,€John€Ō_ŌBolŌ_Ō,€who€hadĻfive€students€to€work€with.€€And€she€was,€in€fact,€the€only€black€female€taking€saxophoneĻinstruction.Ģą [ ąAfter€ten€days€at€camp,€John€Ō_ŌBolŌ_Ō€noticed€Ebonyššs€fast€progress€and€gave€her€a€harderĻpiece€to€work€on.€€She€exhibited€a€musical€gift€and€had€an€insatiable€desire€to€improve.€€Ģą [ ąThe€saxophone€became€Ebonyššs€heart€beat;€she€needed€it€to€survive.€€It€was€part€of€herŠ ,'> Šspiritš!špart€of€her€being.€€There€was€a€sense€of€great€accomplishment€inside€of€her€when€sheĻlearned€a€new€piece€or€improved€upon€an€older€one.€€And€although€Ebony€lay€on€her€bed€someĻnights,€crying€into€her€pillow€with€exhaustion€or€frustration,€her€dedication€and€hard€work€provedĻsuccessful,€for€she€was€soon€ranked€as€one€of€the€top€musicians€of€the€thirty€intermediates.€Ģą [ ąAt€the€close€of€the€four„week€instruction€session,€Ebonyššs€tremendous€talent€and€driveĻsurely€paid€off,€as€she€was€invited€back€to€the€camp€for€the€following€summer.€€The€cost€of€theĻcamp€was€$2,200,€not€including€travel.€€Knowing€how,€as€her€mother€had€said,€that€money€wasĻnot€growing€in€the€backyard,€Ebony€was€worried€that€she€would€not€be€able€to€afford€the€cost€ofĻattending€the€camp€again.€€This€first€trip€to€Nashville€was€free;€she€had€gotten€the€onlyĻunderprivileged„area€scholarship€and€that€scholarship€would€not€be€offered€the€next€year.Ģą [ ąAs€she€was€leaving€the€dorm€to€board€the€bus,€Ebony€saw€a€flyer€on€a€bulletin€boardĻadvertising€the€availability€of€ten€scholarships,€each€covering€the€cost€of€the€instruction;€sheĻwould€only€have€to€pay€the€remaining€$1,200,€plus€travel€expenses.€€Not€surprisingly,€theĻcompetition€for€the€scholarships€was€intense.€€Both€outstanding€academic€and€musicalĻachievements€were€criteria€for€being€considered€for€the€award.€€And€the€competition€spanned€theĻwhole€state€of€Louisianaš!šaffluent€and€underprivileged€applicants€alike.Ģą [ ąą ³ ąą  ąą c ąą » ą/ą0  ą/ą0k;#;#ą/Šż` k;#k;# Šą [ ąš šIššve€got€a€shot,šš€Ebony€said,€š šat€going€back€again€next€year,€Mom.€€On€a€scholarship.ĻBut€thatššs€gonna€be€real€tough€because€of€all€the€competition.ššĢą [ ąCharlie,€Ebony,€and€her€mother€were€sitting€at€the€kitchen€table€eating€pork€chops,€rice,Ļand€peas,€talking€about€her€experience€just€after€she€returned€from€Nashville.€Ģą [ ąš šWhat€was€it€like?šš€Mrs.€Monroe€asked.Ģą [ ąš šWhen€I€first€got€thereš!šlike€I€told€you€on€the€phoneš!šI€was€like€a€scared€little€kid.€€But€thatĻwent€away€after€the€first€day€and€I€knew€what€was€gonna...going€to€happen.šš€€Ebony€poked€at€theĻpeas€on€her€plate.€€š šI€donššt€really€know€how€to€explain€the€feeling€I€had,€but€it€was€like€this€energyĻflowing€through€me.€€I€belonged€there.€€And€I€was€one€of€the€best€of€the€intermediates.€€ThatĻdoesnššt€mean€I€didnššt€struggle€at€all,€because€I€did.€€Even€cried€about€it.ššĢą [ ąš šThatššs€wonderful,€dear,šš€her€mother€said.€€š šI€know€that€you€did€your€best€and€learned€aĻlot.€€From€what€youššve€already€said,€you€improved€tremendously.šš€€Mrs.€Monroe€was€smiling€atĻher€daughter;€she€grabbed€Ebonyššs€hand€and€squeezed.€€š šIššm€very,€very€proud€of€you.€€I€can€tellĻthat€you€are€finally€dedicated€to€something.€€If€you€maintain€this€passion,šš€she€said,€squeezingĻEbonyššs€hand€again,€š šthis€dream€of€yours€will€be€a€reality.ššŠ ,z'> Šą [ ąš šI€agree€with€that,šš€Charlie€said.€€š šGo€all€out€and€you€get€in€return.ššĢą [ ąEbony€started€to€cry,€talking€about€being€invited€back€again,€the€cost€of€the€everything,Ļthe€ten€scholarships,€and€her€concern€about€the€competition.Ģą [ ąš šThat€was€so€good€for€me€for€lots€of€reasons.€€Iššve€never€been€around€kids€likeĻthoseš!šwell,€not€so€many€at€once.€€I€picked€up€some€good€habits€as€far€as€speaking,€studying,€andĻplaying€go.ššą ³ ąŠ ū ^  Šą [ ąMrs.€Monroe€grinned€and€nodded.€€š šEven€still,€Ebony,šš€she€began,€š štwelve€hundredĻdollars€is€a€lot€of€money€for€four€weeks.€€Itššs€ridiculous€if€you€think€about€it.ššĢą [ ąThe€look€Ebony€gave€her€mother€was€one€that€said,€š šI€canššt€help€that,€Mom.ššĢą [ ąš šBut€you€know€that€my€grades€will€never€beat€out€those€other€kidsšš,šš€she€sobbed.€€š šIššd€betĻthat€ninety€percent€of€them€kids€that€were€there€get€all€Aššs.ššĢą [ ąš šThose€kids,šš€her€mother€corrected.Ģą [ ąš šThose€kids,šš€Ebony€repeated,€blotting€her€eyes€with€a€white€napkin.ą s ąŠ åH Šą [ ąš šWhat€about€another,€less€expensive€camp?šš€Charlie€offered.€€š šIššm€sure€thereššs€lots€ofĻcamps€you€can€go€to€in€the€summer.€€Your€momššs€right,€Ō_ŌEbŌ_Ōš!šthatššs€way€too€much€money.€€I€canĻcheck€online€for€Ō_ŌyaŌ_Ō€if€Ō_ŌyaŌ_Ō€want.ššĢą [ ąEbony€did€not€look€at€him,€but€merely€shrugged.€€Mrs.€Monroe€smiled€appreciatively€atĻCharlie,€her€skin€and€eyes€aglow.Ģą [ ąš šThen€weššll€just€have€to€get€you€on€that€academic€level!ššĢą [ ąš šYeah,€right,€Mom,šš€Ebony€said.€€š šNever.ššĢą [ ąš šWith€that€attitude,€youššll€be€making€Cššs€again€in€the€fall€and€for€the€rest€of€your€highĻschool€career.ššĢą [ ąEbony€hung€her€head,€still€stabbing€at€her€peas.€€Ģą [ ąš šBut€if€you€somehow€dig€down€deep€inside€and€pull€out€the€same€determination€you€haveĻto€be€a€black,€female€saxophonist...šš€€Mrs.€Monroe€did€not€have€to€finish€her€sentence.€€EbonyĻlooked€up€at€her,€tears€falling€from€her€brown€eyes,€knowing€exactly€what€her€mother€meant.Ģą [ ąą ³ ąą  ąą c ąą » ą/ą0  ą/ą0k;#;#ą/й%!4k;#k;# Šą [ ąThroughout€her€senior€year€of€high€school,€Ebony€worked€extremely€hard€at€her€talent;Ļshe€was€a€whole€different€person,€always€wanting€to€learn€more€and€moreš!šalmost€to€the€point€ofĻexhaustion.€€Her€mother€took€her€instrument€away€from€her€for€one€weekend€a€month€so€EbonyĻwould€go€do€something€with€her€friends.€€Ģą [ ąEbony€performed€in€recitals,€just€as€her€friend€Tara€had€done€the€previous€year.€€€ThereŠ ,z'> Šwas€the€first€recital€in€November€where€Ebony€impressed€the€audience,€her€classmates,€and€herĻteacher€with€her€music€and€stage€presence.€€With€her€coal„black€hair€pulled€up€behind€her€headĻin€a€bun,€and€her€black€heels,€Ebony€looked€very€professional.€€Even€though€the€performanceĻwas€not€without€its€flaws,€the€ways€in€which€Ebony€Monroe€moved€her€body€and€blew€her€heartĻand€soul€into€that€saxophone€were€energizing.€€Mrs.€Monroe€and€Charlie€were€there€and€stood€upĻwith€the€rest€of€the€audience€when€Ebony€was€finished€her€performance.€€The€scattered€sequinsĻon€her€loose,€black€sun€dress€sparkled€as€much€as€her€dark€eyes.€€Pride€beamed€from€EbonyššsĻface€as€she€made€one€small€bow€after€another.€€And€she€shivered€with€excitement€because€sheĻknew€that,€despite€a€learning€disability,€she€would€make€her€dream€come€true.€€At€this€point,Ļhowever,€her€dream€had€evolved€into€an€obtainable€goal.Ģą [ ą€In€February,€Ebony€shocked€parade„goers€during€Mardi€Gras.€€Those€few€performancesĻgot€her€some€media€attention€and€two€write„ups€in€the€local€papers.€€She€was€even€approachedĻby€a€man€who€organized€cash„prize€competitions€for€the€Upper„Louisiana€Amateur€MusicalĻTalent€Board.€€The€first€and€only€performance€that€Ebony€gave€for€the€Board€won€her€third„place€Ļand€fifty€dollars€that€she€immediately€put€into€the€savings€account€she€opened,€trying€to€save€theĻmoney€for€Jurgen€Ō_ŌEnglehardtsŌ_Ōššs€camp,€in€case€the€scholarship€fell€through.€€Charlie€had€foundĻsome€much€cheaper€camps€for€Ebony€to€attend,€but€her€heart€was€set€on€working€with€John€Ō_ŌBolŌ_ŌĻagain.€€She€had€already€gotten€her€letter€of€recommendation€from€her€music€instructor€at€school.€€Ģą [ ąAlthough€her€grades€had€improved€by€the€time€applications€for€the€twenty€scholarshipsĻwere€due,€Ebony€learned,€just€before€graduation,€that€she€was€not€one€of€the€students€chosen€forĻthe€award.€€And,€unfortunately,€her€invitation€was€revoked€because€of€her€low€academic€grades,Ļa€new€stipulation€of€which€she€was€previously€unaware.€€Ģą [ ąThat€disappointment€did€not€last€long,€though.€€Two€weeks€after€graduation,€EbonyĻperformed€in€a€competition€in€Baton€Rouge.€€Her€performance€was€quite€impressive.€€BrandĻFreeman,€a€local€jazz€legend,€joined€Ebony€on€stage,€later€telling€her€that€he€couldnššt€help€butĻplay€beside€her.€€The€older€man€and€Ebony€took€turns€playing€different€snippets€of€songs.€€WhenĻEbony€had€run€through€her€whole€repertoire,€which€consisted€of€seven€shorter€pieces,€she€startedĻfrom€the€beginning€again.€€Her€lungs€giving€out,€Ebony€had€to€surrender€to€the€saxophoneĻlegend.€€Brand€Freeman€gave€her€a€sweaty€hug€that€a€reporter€captured€through€the€lens€of€hisĻcamera.€€The€crowd€yelled€and€cheered€for€them.€€Ģą [ ąAfter€the€excitement€died€down€at€the€event,€Ebony€was€given€the€first„place€award€ofĻ$200.€€While€she€talked€with€some€of€her€fellow€competitors,€including€the€short,€pudgy,€bushy„Š ,z'> Šhaired€boy€from€her€school,€Ebony€was€approached€by€a€woman€who€had€helped€arrange€theĻevent.€€Ģą [ ąš šExcuse€me,€Miss€Monroe,šš€she€said.€€š šMay€I€have€a€few€moments€of€your€time?šš€€ThisĻwoman€was€just€a€bit€taller€than€Ebony€and€wore€a€black€and€white€spandex€dress€with€a€pair€ofĻblack€flip„flops.€€Her€toes€were€dusty.Ģą [ ąEbony€walked€with€her€to€the€side€of€the€concessions€bar.Ģą [ ąš šFirst€of€all,šš€the€woman€began,€š šcongratulations€on€your€performance.€€Iššve€never€seenĻBrand€Freeman€act€like€that€toward€an€amateur.šš€€Ģą [ ąThe€woman€looked€down€at€her€over€her€small,€black„framed€glasses.€€Ebony€thankedĻher€very€much.€€€ą  ąŠ v  Šą [ ąš šAnd€secondly,€Miss€Monroe,šš€she€continued,€with€a€smile€that€kept€growing,€š šmyĻcolleagues€and€I€were€wondering€if€you€would€be€at€all€interested€in€attending€the€new€musicĻschool€in€New€Orleans.ššĢą [ ąEbony€was€speechless.€€After€having€cooled€off€from€her€performance,€she€began€toĻsweat€again.€€The€humid€night€air€aided€in€her€perspiring.€€Ebony€shifted€her€weight€from€foot€toĻfoot,€held€her€mouth€open€as€if€she€wanted€to€speak.€€Only€nothing€came€out.Ģą [ ąš šI€can€see€from€the€expression€on€your€face€that€you€ņņwouldóó€be€interested.ššŠ ż`  Šą [ ąEbony€nodded€her€head€slowly,€still€taking€in€the€shock€of€the€womanššs€proposal.Ģą [ ąš šItššs€not€been€advertised€for€this€event,šš€the€promoter€said,€š šbut€there€is€a€free€semesterĻat€the€school€waiting€for€the€first„place€winner.€€And,€well,€Ō_ŌthatššdŌ_Ō€be€you.ššą  ąŠ Ö9& Šą [ ąš šYes,šš€Ebony€finally€said.€€š šOf€course€Iššm€interested.šš€€This€was€just€the€thing€Ebony€wasĻhoping€would€happen€for€her.€€š šDo€you€look€at€my€high€school€grades?ššĢą [ ąš šNot€at€all,šš€the€woman€said,€shaking€her€head.€€š šWe€are€interested€in€your€talent.€€But,€ifĻafter€the€first€semester€your€grades€are€not€what€they€should€be,€then€you€will€not€be€asked€toĻcontinue€your€studies€in€that€program.šš€€The€woman€looked€Ebony€right€in€her€eye.€€š šWe€take€theĻņņcompleteóó€education€very€seriously.€€You€just€wonššt€be€learning€any€history,€geography,€math...thatŠ z$Ż2 Šsort€of€thing.€€All€music„based.€€Right€now€weššre€trying€to€do€some€recruiting.€ššĢą [ ąAgain,€Ebony€could€not€find€the€words€to€express€her€thoughts.€€So€she€just€stood€andĻstared€at€the€woman.Ģą [ ąš šWhat€do€you€think,€then?€€You€up€for€the€challenge?šš€the€woman€asked.Ģą [ ąš šDefinitely.ššĢą [ ąEbony€filled€out€a€form€with€her€address€and€phone€number€so€the€woman€could€send€herŠ %,ˆ'> Šthe€necessary€information€and€tuition€waver€for€her€first€semester.€€When€she€got€home€thatĻnight,€she€was€bursting€with€excitement.Ģą [ ąš šThings€are€falling€in€place€for€me,€Mom.€€I€was€looking€forward€to€playing€at€that€campĻagain,€but€that€fell€through€and€now€this€drops€in€my€lap.ššĢą [ ąš šI€donššt€know€what€to€say,€Ebony,šš€her€mother€said.€€š šThatššs€the€best€news€Iššve€heard€in€aĻlong€time.šš€€She€stood€to€refill€her€coffee€mug.€€š šWhat€about€ņņafteróó€the€first€semester?€€What€willŠ ū ^  Šyou€do€then?ššĢą [ ąš šBe€invited€back,šš€Ebony€said€without€hesitation.€€š šI€want€to€study€ņņmusicóó€and€thatššs€whatŠ Ž ń ŠIššm€gonna...going€to...do.€€Iššll€ņņmake€óóit€happen.€€This€is€whatššs€inside€me.ššŠ Ū>  Šą [ ąš šWell,€if€you€think€youššre€being€realistic...ššĢą [ ąš šDonššt€you€see?šš€Ebony€pleaded.€€š šItššs€what€Iššm€suņņpposóóed€to€do.€€This€is€my€gift,€Mom.€Š nŃ  ŠYou€had€a€gift€for€dancing,€and€now€for€numbers.€€Someone€in€New€Orleans€thinks€enough€of€myĻgift...my€talent...to€give€me€this€chance.€€I€have€to€take€it€and€see€what€happens.ššĢą [ ąš šThatššs€the€answer€I€was€looking€for,šš€Mrs.€Monroe€said,€walking€back€to€the€table€fromĻthe€coffee€maker.€€š šI€hope€that€you€excel€at€your€studies€and€your€skills€and€become€ņņfamóóous!ššŠ š Šą [ ąDuring€that€summer,€Ebony€enforced€upon€herself€a€very€regimented€practice€routine€inĻpreparation€for€music€school.€€To€stay€in€her€competitorššs€mode,€Ebony€entered€a€few€contests,Ļdid€not€win€any€prizes,€but€took€away€from€each€event€more€experience,€and€confidence€that€sheĻwas€a€definite€contender.€€Before€leaving€for€school,€she€learned€two€new€songs,€and€just€aboutĻperfected€the€other€seven€she€had€already€been€practicing.€€Ebony€was€working€so€hard€that€herĻmother€was€worried.Ģą [ ąš šEbony,€dear,šš€Mrs.€Monroe€said€one€day€in€July,€š štake€a€break€and€go€to€a€movie€withĻTara€and€your€other€friends.€€I€know€theyššve€called€you.€€Why€havenššt€you€called€back?ššĢą [ ąš šThis€is€whatššs€important€now,€Mom.šš€Ebony€pointed€at€the€saxophone€dangling€from€herĻneck.€€š 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ąThree€blocks€away,€a€teenage€boy€is€sitting€in€a€heather€gray€bean„bag€chair€in€hisĻbedroom.€€His€electricity€has€also€just€come€back€on.€€This€boyššs€hair€is€so€light€that€it€almostĻglows€in€the€semi„darkness€of€his€large€room.€€His€ń»ńCOMPAQń»ńń»ńkeyboardń»ń€ń¼ńArmada€ń¼ńń½ńšš€ń½ńis€on€his€lap€ń¾ńandń¾ńń¾ńbecauseń¾ń€he€isĻchatting€with€a€friend€in€a€ńæńbasketball€ńæńŌ_ŌchatroomŌ_Ō€ńĄńas€he€waits€forńĄńńĀńńĄń€ńĄńńĀńńĮńfor€ńĮńńĀńbasketball€fanatics€as€he€waits€forńĀń€the€teenage€girl€lying€on€her€bedĻdoing€US€history€homework€to€answer€his€call.€€The€ńĆńcomputerššńĆńńÄńńĆń;ńĆńńÄńńÅńsńÅńńĆńseventeen„inch€flat€screenńĆń€monitor€gives€off€the€only€light€inĻthe€room.€€Ģą [ ąš šHello,šš€she€says,€finishing€a€sentence€about€Ronald€Reagan.Ģą [ ąš šWhatššs€up?šš€the€male€voice€says.€€He€leaves€the€Ō_ŌchatroomŌ_Ō.Ģą [ ąš šNothing,šš€she€tells€him.€€Ģą [ ąš šWhatššre€Ō_ŌyaŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌdoinŌ_Ōšš?ššĢą [ ąš šHomework.ššĢą [ ąš šYeah,€I€just€got€finished,šš€he€says.€€€š šYou€working€on€Millerššs€stuff?ššĢą [ ąš šTrying€to,šš€she€says€sarcastically.Ģą [ ąThe€girl€sits€up€on€the€bed€and€stretches€out€her€legs.€€She€can€see€her€reflection€in€theĻmirror€hanging€on€the€wall€in€front€of€her.€€She€sticks€her€finger€in€her€mouth,€making€a€gagĻgesture.€€And€then€she€rolls€her€dark€brown€eyes€and€shakes€her€head.Ģą [ ąš šDid€the€power€go€out€over€your€way?šš€he€asks.€€This€boy€stands€up€and€places€his€ńĘńlapńĘńńĒńńĘńyńĘńńĒńńČńńČńńÉń„Š ±+'8 ŠńÉńńČńtopńČńńĘńkeyboardńĘń€on€the€desk€in€front€of€him.€€He€is€more€than€six€feet€tall€and€less€than€two€hundred€pounds.€ĻHis€skin,€like€his€hair,€is€very€fairš!špale.Ģą [ ąš šYeah,€for€about€an€hour,€I€guess.ššĢą [ ąš šIt€was€out€about€that€long€over€here,€too.ššĢą [ ąš šIššd€guess€so,€Alex,€you€only€live€like€three€blocks€away,šš€she€tells€him,€holding€a€finger„¼gun€to€her€head€and€dropping€to€the€mattress.€€A€large€stuffed€panda€bear€falls€to€its€side€andĻtopples€off€the€bed.Ģą [ ąš šYou€donššt€have€to€be€all€like€that,€you€know,šš€he€says,€putting€his€hand€over€his€heart.€Ļš šIššm€just€trying€to€talk€to€you.šš€€His€voice€is€calm.€€He€drops€into€the€bean„bag€chair€and€touchesĻthe€glass€cage€where€a€tarantula€crawls.Ģą [ ąš šWhy?ššĢą [ ąš šWhy€what?ššĢą [ ąš šWhy€are€you€trying€to€talk€to€me?šš€she€asks€more€maliciously.€€But€there€is€no€responseĻfrom€the€other€end.€€š šWhy€do€you€call€me?€€ņņóóDonššt€you€ever€get€the€feeling€that€I€donššt€ņņwantóó€to€talkŠ +Ž Što€you?šš€A€smile€streaks€across€her€face.Ģą [ ąš šYou€always€do,€though,€so€I€thought€thatš!šššĢą [ ąš šWhatever€it€is€you€thought,€Alex,€Ō_ŌunthinkŌ_Ō€it.€€I€only€try€to€be€nice,€but€this€is€really€gettingĻannoying,€you€know.€€You€call€me€at€least...what?...once€a€week?€€Do€you€go€back€and€tell€allĻyour€Ō_ŌdweebŌ_Ō€friends€that€you€actually€got€a€popular€girl€to€talk€to€you?šš€€She€doesnššt€let€him€answerĻany€of€the€questions,€but€keeps€talking.€€š šIššm€afraid€that€you€have€fantasies€about€me€at€night€andĻthink€that€you€have€a€chance€in€hell€to€get€with€me,€but€you€donššt.€€The€fact€is€that€youššre€an€uglyĻŌ_ŌdweebŌ_Ō€with€ugly€Ō_ŌdweebŌ_Ō€friends€who€wants€to€be€part€of€the€cool€crowd€so€bad€that€youššll€doĻalmost€anything.ššĢą [ ąShe€stops€talking€and€hops€off€the€bed€and€slides€her€feet€into€fuzzy€black€slippers.€€TheĻphone€is€at€her€ear€and€she€has€her€other€hand€on€her€hip.€€And€the€look€on€her€flushed€face€isĻone€of€frustration€and€anger.€€Thin€eyebrows€are€arched€high€above€her€dark,€deep„set€eyes.Ģą [ ąAlex€is€leaning€back€on€his€gray€bean€chair€with€his€head€on€the€floor.€€His€mouth€isĻhanging€open€and€his€eyes€are€closed.Ģą [ ąš šAre€you€listening€to€me,€Alex?ššĢą [ ąš šYeah,€I€hear€you.ššĢą [ ąš šDo€you€get€the€picture?€€Or€do€I€have€to€get€one€of€my€football€friends€to€give€you€aĻspecial€tutoring€session?ššŠ ,'> Šą [ ąAlex€rolls€off€the€bean€chair€and€gets€to€his€feet.€€He€stands€up€straight,€pushing€theĻsand„colored€bangs€from€his€light€blue€eyes.Ģą [ ąš šThat€supposed€to€scare€me€or€something,€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō?šš€€This€time€there€is€silence€on€her€end.€ĻShe€sits€on€the€bed€and€crosses€her€legs€so€that€her€right€foot€is€dangling€above€the€thin€forestĻgreen€carpet€under€her.€€One€black€fuzzy€slipper€is€hanging€from€her€toes.Ģą [ ą€š šDo€ņņyouóó€hear€ņņmeóó?šš€Alex€questions,€pointing€toward€the€blank€wall.€€His€tone€hasŠ ū ^  Šchanged;€his€voice€is€deeper.Ģą [ ąš šOf€course€I€hear€you,€Ō_ŌdweebŌ_Ō.€€Iššm€not€deaf!ššĢą [ ąš šWhy€are€all€you€bitches€the€same?šš€€He€grabs€his€crotch.€€As€he€talks,€Alex€walks€allĻaround€his€poorly„lighted€room.€€A€glow„in„the„dark€poster€of€the€planets€glows€faintly€from€hisĻceiling.€€š šNeed€someone€else€to€take€care€of€your€own€personal€business.šš€€He€answers€his€ownĻquestion.€€š šDoes€it€get€you€off?šš€€He€grabs€himself€again.€€š šDoes€it€raise€your€security€level?šš€€Ģą [ ąš šWhat€did€you€say€to€me?šš€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō€asks,€her€right€hand€above€her€head.Ģą [ ąš šOh,€like€youššre€all€high€and€mighty,šš€he€says.€€š šYou€know€what,€babe?€€Youššre€noĻdifferent€than€I€am.€€Want€to€be€accepted.€€But€you€know€what€ņņisóó€different?€€I€stay€real€to€myself,ššŠ xŪ ŠAlex€says,€poking€himself€in€the€chest€hard€enough€to€leave€an€indent€in€his€white€T„shirt.€€š šI€donšštĻcash€in€to€all€that€Ō_ŌcrapŌ_Ō,€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō.€€You€donššt€have€to€either.ššĢą [ ąAlex€stops€talking€and€walking.€€He€pushes€his€hand€through€his€light€hair.€Ģą [ ąš šIs€it€so€bad€that€I€wanted€to€talk€to€you?€€You€started€out€being€someone€I€thought€wasĻdifferent€from€the€rest€when€you€were€out€of€school.€€Away€from€the€crowd€and€the€Ō_ŌcrapŌ_Ō.€€I€wasĻway€wrong,€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō.ššĢą [ ąŌ_ŌJenŌ_Ōššs€mouth€is€open,€her€pink€tongue€resting€on€her€bottom€teeth,€€and€her€eyes€areĻsquinted€as€she€listens€to€Alex€spout€off€at€the€mouth.Ģą [ ą€š šAnd€thatššs€fine€with€me€because€now€I€donššt€have€to€waste€my€time€on€you.€€Me,€IššmĻgonna€make€it€big€out€of€high€school€and€have€friends€that€really€care€about€me.€€You...youššllĻprobably€have€some€stupid€job€that€makes€minimum€wage,€ņņthinkóóing€you€deserve€better,€marryŠ $ä2 Šsome€guy€whoššll€cheat€on€you€all€the€time€while€youššre€hanging€out€with€people€that€donššt€give€aĻratššs€Ō_ŌassŌ_Ō€about€you.€€And€youššll€long€for€the€days€when€you€were€in€high€school,€when€you€were€aĻsomebody.šš€€Ģą [ ąAlex€laughs€and€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ōššs€face€crinkles€up.€€He€flicks€the€light€switch€by€his€door€and€a€blackĻhalogen€lamp€beams€brightly€from€its€top.€€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō€is€slouching;€Alex€is€now€lying€on€his€bed,€his€feetĻcovered€by€white€runnersšš€socks€and€his€ankles€crossed.€€š šWake€up,€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō.€€Those€people€you€hangŠ ,,'> Šout€with€donššt€give€a€Ō_ŌcrapŌ_Ō€about€you€now€and€they€wonššt€later.€€My€friends€are€good€friendsĻbecause€weššre€not€about€outdoing€each€other€with€our€jeans€or€cars.€€Weššre€not€about€scoring€withĻchicks€like€you€just€because€we€can€and€then€spreading€the€news€all€over€school.šš€He€lowered€hisĻvoice.€€š šWe€donššt€use€each€other€like€paper€towels.ššĢą [ ąŌ_ŌJenŌ_Ō€reaches€over€to€turn€off€the€light€next€to€her€alarm€clock€that€is€still€flashing€big,€redĻnumbers.€€She€slips€off€her€slippers€and€gets€under€her€covers.Ģą [ ąš šFinished?šš€she€asks€with€a€lot€of€attitude.Ģą [ ąAlex€shakes€his€head€and€gestures€like€he€is€slapping€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō€upside€the€head.€€š šThereššs€stillĻtime€to€change,€though.€€Youššre€heading€down€the€road€to€unhappiness.ššĢą [ ąš šOh,€please...yņņóóou€ņņcanšštóó€be€happy.ššŠ v  Šą [ ąš šWhat€makes€you€think€Iššm€not?šš€€He€sits€up€on€the€bed,€slips€off€his€white€socks€with€hisĻlong€toes.Ģą [ ąš šBecause€youššre€you€and€your€friends€are€just€like€you,šš€she€tells€him€in€a€matter„of„factĻtone.€€š šYou€wear€crappy€clothes.€€Drive€a€Ō_ŌmoŌ_Ō„Ō_ŌpedŌ_Ō€to€school.€€Play€chess€at€lunch.€€Answer€all€theĻteachersšš€questions.€€Get€pushed€around€by€the€guys€I€hang€around.ššĢą [ ąš šWhy€is€that?šš€Alex€asks,€pulling€his€legs€into€a€butterfly€position.€€There€is€a€slight€smileĻon€his€face.Ģą [ ąš šWhat?ššĢą [ ąš šWhy€do€those€idiots€think€they€can€just€push€people€around?€€Whatššs€so€great€aboutĻthem?€€Talk€about€insecurity.šš€€Alex€laughs€into€the€phone.Ģą [ ąŌ_ŌJenŌ_Ō€starts€to€say€something€then€stops.€€She€slouches€on€the€edge€of€the€bed€then€liesĻback,€staring€at€the€calendar€on€her€wall.Ģą [ ąš šDo€you€even€know€why?šš€he€continues.€€š šYou€donššt,€do€you?€€Canššt€come€up€withĻanything€besides€what€you€just€said,€right?€€Thatššs€just€stupid!ššĢą [ ąAlex€gets€off€the€bed€and€walks€to€his€dresser.€€He€looks€at€himself€in€the€mirror€aboveĻthe€dresser€as€he€talks€to€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō,€pushes€the€white€sleeve€of€his€T„shirt€up€to€expose€his€baseball„¼sized€Ō_ŌbicepŌ_Ō.€€He€flexes.Ģą [ ąš šMaybe€because€you€go€out€of€your€way€to€be€different.ššĢą [ ąš šOh,€so€now€we€get€down€it.šš€€He€begins€to€speak€faster€and€in€a€deeper€tone.€€š šThatššsĻstill€a€stupid€answer.€€I€need€more€than€that,€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō.€€Why€do€they€push€around€guys€like€me?šš€AlexĻquietly€sucks€in€some€air.Ģą [ ąš šYouššre€starting€to€Ō_ŌpissŌ_Ō€me€off,€Alex,šš€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō€says,€taking€the€navy€blue€clip€from€her€thickŠ ,'> ŠŃ'UŃā āŃ€Ńā āŃ  Ńblack€hair.€€š šWhy€ask€ņņmeóó€if€youššre€so€interested?€€Why€not€ask€one€of€the€guys€who€talks€Ō_ŌcrapŌ_Ō€toŠ  Šyou?€€€You€might€get€a€way€different€answer.ššĢą [ ąš šNo,€there€is€no€answer.€€Itššs€just€pure€insecurity.€€Trying€to€make€yourself€feel€better€byĻtrying€to€make€someone€elseššs€life€crappier€than€your€own.€€Spread€the€dismal€mood€around€theĻschool.€€I€know€Iššm€a€better€person€than€those€idiots€who€can€barely€write€a€complete€sentenceĻand€disrespect€whoever€they€can.€€Think€everythingššs€a€joke€because€theyššre€too€unmotivated€toĻstudy€and€actually€do€some€work.€€Think€itššs€not€cool€enough.€€Thatššs€so€dumb.ššĢą [ ąš šIf€youššve€got€it€all€figured€out,€Ō_ŌdweebŌ_Ō,€then€why€keep€talking?ššĢą [ ąš šBecause€ņņyouóó€donššt€have€it€all€figured€out.€€Iššm€just€trying€to€make€you€see€how€pointlessŠ Ō7  Šall€the€competition€is.€€I€probably€shouldnššt€tell€you€thisš!šshould€make€you€find€out€for€yourselfš!šbutĻIššll€be€kind.ššĢą [ ąš šWhat,€Alex?€€Tell€me.€€Iššm€ņņsoóó€intrigued.šš€€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō€rolls€her€eyes€again€and€sighs€heavily.Š ­ Šą [ ąš šI€was€at€Burger€King€last€night€with€my€friendsš!šmy€real€friendsš!šand€we€were€sitting€a€fewĻtables€away€from€a€group€of€girls€that€are€supposed€to€be€ņņyouróó€friends.€€You€probably€didnššt€evenŠ @£ Šknow€they€were€there.ššĢą [ ąŌ_ŌJenŌ_Ōššs€dark€eyes€open€wide€and€her€lips€separate.Ģą [ ąš šThey€had€nothing€but€crass€stuff€to€say€about€your€body€and€hair€and€how€you€think€thatĻthey€like€you.šš€€Alex€stops.€€There€is€no€sound€on€the€other€end.€€He€shrugs€and€continues.€Ļš šTheyššre€using€you€for€your€car,€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō,€and€the€free€food€you€get€them€from€your€parentsšš€deli.€€TheĻone€with€the€straight€black€hair,€Ō_ŌJanessaŌ_Ō€or€Vanessa,€whatever€her€name€is,€said€that€youššre€suchĻa€push„over€that€youššd€drive€them€anywhere€they€want€to€go€and€pay€for€the€gas,€too.€€And€thenĻBridget€Barnes€said€that€you€thought€all€of€them€were€voting€for€you€for€homecoming€queen€whenĻthey€were€telling€people€ņņnotóó€to€vote€for€you.€€All€four€of€them€were€cracking€up€so€hard€I€thoughtŠ ½ , Štheyššd€get€kicked€out€by€the€manager.šš€€Ģą [ ąAlex€walks€back€to€the€bed€and€lies€down,€crossing€his€ankles.€€He€has€callouses€on€theĻsides€of€his€big€toes.Ģą [ ą€š šYeah,€those€are€great€friends,€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō.€€Wonderful.šš€Ģą [ ąShe€stares€at€the€blinking€clock€with€tears€in€her€eyes.Ģą [ ąš šYouššre€lying,šš€is€all€she€can€say.Ģą [ ąš šIššm€not.€€Feel€used€and€abused?šš€€His€tone€is€light,€almost€giddy.Ģą [ ąš šYouššre€lying,šš€she€repeats.€€š šYouššre€just€a€jealous€Ō_ŌdweebŌ_Ō€who€canššt€get€a€date€if€your€lifeĻdepended€on€it€and€youššre...youššre...trying€to€make€me€feel€bad€for€you€or€something€so€you€wantŠ :,'> Što€make€up€lies.ššĢą [ ąš šReally?šš€Alex€asks,€rolling€off€his€bed.€€š šAsk€one€of€them€in€school€tomorrow€if€what€IĻsaid€is€true.€See€how€she€reacts.€€I€guarantee€that€girl€canššt€look€you€in€the€eye.€€Iššll€put€money€onĻit.šš€He€plops€down€in€his€gray€bean„bag€chair,€picks€a€boogie€from€his€nose€and€wipes€it€on€hisĻjeans.Ģą [ ąš šIššm€gonna€get€someone€to€really€kick€your€Ō_ŌassŌ_Ō€if€you€donššt€shut€up.ššĢą [ ąš šOh,€thatššs€just€great.€€Typical.ššĢą [ ąš šWhatššs€that€mean?šš€she€asks.Ģą [ ąš šTypical€response€from€a€girl€like€you,šš€he€tells€her.€€š šCan€dish€it€out€all€you€want,€but€youĻcanššt€take€it.€€Why€is€that?šš€Alex€asks,€unbuttoning€his€jeans€and€letting€them€fall€to€the€floor,Ļexposing€his€white€boxers.€€As€he€continues€talking,€he€steps€out€of€his€jeans.€€š šOh,€yeah,€itššs€thatĻwhole€insecurity€thing€again.€€Do€you€really€like€playing€the€game€all€the€time?€€I€know€youššre€notĻreally€one€of€them.€€You€started€out€giving€me€the€time€of€day,€then€when€one€of€your€ņņvery€goodóóŠ åH Šfriends€answered€the€phone€when€I€called,€you€got€embarrassed.€€Why€is€that?€€What€are€youĻafraid€of?šš€€Again,€he€sits€in€his€heather€gray€bean„bag€chair.Ģą [ ąŌ_ŌJenŌ_Ō€tries€a€couple€of€times€to€talk,€but€she€just€canššt€get€any€sound€to€leave€her€mouth.€ĻThe€best€thing€she€can€mumble€is€an€insult.Ģą [ ąš šGet€out€of€the€kitchen€if€you€canššt€take€the€heat,€baby.šš€€Alex€stretches€out€his€long€legs.€Ļš šAm€I€telling€you€what€youššre€ņņafraidóó€to€hear?€€Take€your€time€and€think€about€it.€€Iššm€actuallyŠ ó$ Šsurprised€that€you€havenššt€hung€up€the€phone€yet.€€Maybe€you€really€want€to€talk€to€me€like€a€totalĻhuman€beingš!ša€fellow€classmateš!ša,€do€I€dare€say,€ņņfriend€óóof€sorts?ššŠ #†( Šą [ ąš šNo,€itššs€just€that€you€just€keep€blabbing€away.€€Iššm€humored,€really,šš€she€tells€him,€rollingĻher€eyes,€yet€biting€her€bottom€lip.Ģą [ ąš šRemember€what€I€said€a€minute€ago€about€guys€spreading€news?€€Well,€Iššm€sure€youššllĻbe€intrigued€now.€€Remember€how€you€begged€Tim€Ō_ŌLewtonŌ_Ō€not€to€tell€anyone€that€you€two€did€theĻnasty€a€few€weeks€ago€while€your€parents€were€away?šš€€He€waits€for€a€response€then€continues.€Ļš šGuess€what€heššs€been€talking€about€the€past€week€in€the€locker€room?€€Your€little€whimpers€andĻmoans€while€he€gave€it€you€€and€told€you€how€special€you€are.šš€€He€smacks€his€leg€three€times.€Ļš šWell,€deary,€heššs€laughing€and€joking€about€it€now.€€Has€he€even€called€you?šš€€After€Alex€saysĻthis,€the€smile€leaves€his€face.Ģą [ ąŌ_ŌJenŌ_Ō€curls€into€a€ball€under€her€covers.€€She€is€unable€to€speak.€€Her€eyes€are€closed;€herĻlashes€wet€with€tears.Š ,,'> Šą [ ąš šSorry€for€being€so€straight„up,€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō,€but€thatššs€the€only€way€I€can€say€it.šš€€Again,€he€waitsĻto€hear€her€voice,€but€hears€nothing.€€š šOkay,€then,€itššs€been€nice€chatting.€€Gotta€be€going€now.€€IĻhave€some€studying€to€do€before€I€head€up€to€my€roof€to€watch€for€UFOs€and€think€about€how€IĻcan€purposely€go€out€of€my€way€to€be€different.€€What€is€different,€anyway?ššĢą [ ąŌ_ŌJenŌ_Ō€holds€the€phone€to€her€ear,€listening€to€nothing.€€Tears€flow€from€the€corners€of€herĻdark€eyes,€dampening€the€hair€by€her€ears.€€She€hits€the€TALK€button€on€the€phone€then€hits€itĻagain.€€She€dials€a€number€then€quickly€hangs€up.€€€This€gesture€is€repeated€three€times.€€TheĻtears€keep€coming€and€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ōššs€chest€begins€to€heave.€€She€throws€the€phone€down€on€the€bed€andĻit€slides€onto€the€floor€with€a€thud;€then€Ō_ŌJenŌ_Ō€twists€her€body€around€so€she€can€cry€and€screamĻinto€the€big,€round,€navy€blue€pillows€on€her€bed.Ō#† X2mXõ ōżV„#ŌŠ v  ŠĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢÓ€3³bÓÓ€ÓĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢŠ n+Ń&3 ЇĢĢĢĢĢńµńÓ€ÕcÓńµńńµńÓ€ŗdÓńµńņ ņó óÓ  ÓńµńÓ€ÓńµńGirl€Talkņ ņó óŠ 9 œ ŠÓ:eÓĢĢĢĢĢĢńµńÓ€KeÓńµńÓ3³€Óą [ ąŌ‡ ōżVõX X2mŌš šIt€was€embarrassing.€€And€weird,šš€Cassie€told€her€sister€as€they€brushed€their€hair€beforeŠ ­  Šthe€huge€mirror€attached€to€the€antique€bureau€in€their€small€farmhouse€bedroom.€€š šNot€toĻmention€ņņwonóóderful€and€embarrassing.ššŠ 9œ  Šą [ ąš šYou€already€said€it€was€embarrassing,šš€said€Amy.Ģą [ ąš šBecause€it€was.šš€Cassie€put€her€brush€on€the€bureau€and€stood€in€front€of€the€windowĻwith€her€thin,€pale€arms€folded€across€her€32B€chest.€€Her€long€white€nightgown€rippled€in€theĻbreeze.€€The€full,€Ohio€moon€lit€up€the€field€of€Mr.€Meyerššs€corn€twenty€yards€from€the€window,Ļwhile€the€smell€of€dirt€wafted€through€the€windowššs€screen€and€into€the€noses€of€the€MeyerĻsisters.€€Cassieššs€allergies€were€acting€up€and€she€periodically€sneezed€into€a€pink€hanky.€Ģą [ ąStill€standing€in€front€of€the€mirror,€Amy€watched€herself€brushing€her€long,€thick,€redĻhairš!šhair€so€different€from€her€younger€sisterššs€wavy,€shoulder„length,€auburn€hair.€€Ģą [ ąš šWhy€was€it€so€embarrassing,€little€sister?šš€she€asked.€€š šKissing€shouldnššt€beĻembarrassing€at€all.€€It€should€be€natural.ššĢą [ ąš šRight.€€ņņFaróó€from€natural.šš€€Cassie€sat€down€on€her€bed,€looked€at€her€long,€neatly„filedŠ B „& Šfingernails.€€The€multicolor€glitter€of€the€clear„coated€polish€sparkled€under€the€overhead€light€ofĻthe€room.€€š šWe€were€just€nervous,€I€guess.€€But€then...šš€€Her€voice€trailed€off.€€She€was€reluctantĻto€tell€her€sister€everything€for€fear€that€Amy€would€laugh€at€her€and€say€she€was€silly,€orĻsomething€like€that.Ģą [ ąš šDonššt€stop€there,€Cass.€€Go€on.šš€€Amy€said€this€to€her€sisterššs€reflection.Ģą [ ąCassie€sneezed€twice€and€looked€at€Amy.€€š šYouššll€laugh.ššĢą [ ąš šNot„uh.€€Bless€you.€€I€swear€it.šš€€Turning€to€face€Cassie,€Amy€crossed€her€heart€with€herĻpinky€and€kissed€it.€€She€wore€a€tight€grin€on€her€face.Ģą [ ąš šItššs€these€ņņdamn€óóglasses€I€have€to€wear.šš€€Cassie€took€off€her€oval„shaped,€silver„framedŠ æ+"'8 Šglasses€and€dropped€them€next€to€the€most„recent€issue€of€ņņSeventeenóó€lying€on€her€patch„workŠ  Šquilt.€€š šHis€nose€hit€them...they€got€all€askew€on€my€face...he€tried€to€fix€them€and€poked€me€inĻthe€eye.ššĢą [ ąAmy€was€still€standing€by€the€bureau,€hairbrush€in€hand,€forcing€her€lips€together.€€TheĻscarlet€in€her€face€gave€away€the€fact€that€she€was€laughing€as€hard€as€possible€inside,Ļdesperately€trying€to€keep€her€promiseš!štrying€not€to€make€a€sound.€€Quickly,€she€ran€to€her€bed,Ļpicked€up€her€pillow,€and€ran€from€the€small€room.€€Once€she€stepped€on€the€sparkling€cleanĻfloor€of€the€kitchen,€Amy€let€the€pillow€absorb€her€laughter.Ģą [ ąš šIššm€not€gullible,€you€know!šš€Cassie€yelled.€€š šAnd€youššre€going€to€hell€for€breaking€aĻpromise.ššĢą [ ąAmy€returned€to€the€room,€gasping€for€air.€€Her€green€eyes€were€shimmering€from€theĻremnants€of€tears.Ģą [ ąš šŌ_ŌShhŌ_Ō,€Cass.€€Donššt€wanna€wake€up€Dad.€€Heššs€had€a€hard€week€already€with€those€guysĻfrom€the€bank€Ō_ŌlurkinŌ_Ōšš€around€every€corner.šš€€Before€closing€their€door,€Amy€checked€their€fatherššsĻbedroom€door€to€make€sure€it€wasnššt€opening.€€Mr.€Meyer€was€a€corn€farmer€and€he€worked€dawnĻto€dusk€on€most€days€of€the€week,€just€trying€to€keep€his€farm€running€smoothly.€€Most€nights,€heĻwas€in€bed€before€nine.€€Ģą [ ąš šCassandra€Lilith€Meyer...Ō_ŌhehŌ_Ō„hm...thatššs€just€about€the€funniest€thing€I€ever€heard.šš€€SheĻflopped€down€on€her€yellow€and€white€quilt,€keeping€the€pillow€on€her€lap.€€š šWhat€next?ššĢą [ ąš šWhy€do€you€call€me€by€all€three€of€my€names?€€Mom€used€to€do€that.ššĢą [ ąAmyššs€smile€left€her€face.€€š šI€donššt€know,€really.€€I€just€started€doing€it.šš€€Amy€tossed€theĻpillow€to€the€head€of€the€bed.€€š šDoes€it€bug€you?€€ššCause€if€it€does,€Iššll€stop.ššĢą [ ąš šNo,šš€said€Cassie.€€š šI€kind€of€like€it.€€Makes€me€feel€like€Mom€is€talking.ššĢą [ ąAmy€smiled€without€showing€her€large€white€teeth.€Ģą [ ąš šBut€if€you€try€making€me€do€the€chores€ņņyouššreóó€supposed€to€do,€thereššs€gonna€be€trouble,Š 4#—0 Šif€you€know€what€I€mean.šš€€Cassie€sat€up€straight,€raised€her€left€fist€and€shook€it.€€Her€sisterĻnodded€and€asked€her€to€keep€telling€her€what€happened€with€Andy.€€The€younger€sister€sneezedĻagain,€twice,€into€her€pink€hanky.€€After€rubbing€her€eyes,€she€put€her€glasses€back€on.Ģą [ ąš šWell,€he€kept€saying,€ššCassie,€Iššm€sorry.€€Iššm€so€sorry.€€I€canššt€believe€I€tried€to€blind€youššĻand€things€like€that.€€Said€heššs€always€been€a€klutz.šš€€Cassie€laughed€nervously€into€her€hands.€Ļš šIt€was€a€good€tension„reliever.€€Then€I€said€something€about€it€being€my€fault€for€wearing€glassesĻinstead€of€contacts€and€he€said,€ššOkay,€then,€itššs€all€your€fault.šš€€Then€I€pushed€him€a€bit€and€weŠ %,ˆ'> Šlaughed.€€Heššs€so€cute.šš€€Cassie€got€up€from€the€bed€and€walked€to€the€single€window.€€HerĻnightgown€billowed€just€like€the€thin,€light„blue€curtains€dangling€from€the€wooden€rod.€€š šI€thinkĻSeptember€is€the€best€month€of€the€year,šš€she€said€softly.€€š šItššs€such€a€nice€night€out€tonight.€ĻAlmost€like€the€other€night€with€Andy.€€The€leaves€in€the€trees€were€clamoring€and€chatting€away.€ĻTons€of€fireflies€danced€above€the€azalea€bushes€in€Mrs.€Ō_ŌBuckhornŌ_Ōššs€garden.€€The€moon€was€aĻbig€luminous€ball,€just€suspended€in€the€sky,€watching€us.ššĢą [ ąš šCass,€spare€me€the€poetry,€please,€and€get€on€with€the€good€stuff.ššĢą [ ąš šThatššs€ņņpartóó€of€the€good€stuff.€€This€was€how€our€first€kiss€happened.€€All€of€the€things€IŠ ‡ ź Šjust€said€were€part€of€it.ššĢą [ ąš šTell€me€from€the€beginning€what€happened,šš€Amy€said,€excitement€in€her€voice.€€SheĻwas€sixteen€and€had€Ō_ŌhadŌ_Ō€more€than€a€few€first€kisses;€this€was€her€sisterššs€first€Ō_ŌfirstŌ_Ō€kiss.€Ģą [ ąš šThis€isnššt€easy€for€me€because€you€donššt€care€about€everything€I€care€about.€€I€likeĻromance€and€you€donššt€seem€to.ššĢą [ ąš šTrue,šš€Amy€said.€€š šI€can€do€without€fireflies€and€breezes.€€But€you€like€it€so€go€ahead.€ĻMy€ears€are€wide€open.ššĢą [ ąCassie€smiled.€€š šAfter€we€finished€dinner,€Mr.€and€Mrs.€Ō_ŌBuckhornŌ_Ō€told€us€to€go€outsideĻand€walk€around€before€dessert.€€While€they€cleared€the€table.ššĢą [ ąš šYou€didnššt€help€clear€the€table?šš€€Amy€was€shocked.€€The€Meyer€sisters,€having€beenĻraised€in€a€house€where€manners€really€mattered,€always€cleared€the€dinner€table.Ģą [ ąš šShe€wouldnššt€ņņletóó€me,šš€Cassie€said€quickly.€€š šI€picked€up€my€plate€and€silverware€and€wasŠ Ö9& Šreaching€for€Andyššs€when€his€mom€asked€what€I€was€doing.€€I€was€like...uh...ššClearing€theĻtable?šš...then€she€said,€no,€I€wasnššt.€€Thatššs€when€we€were€told€to€go€outside.ššĢą [ ąš šThey€mustššve€been€talking€about€you€two.€€Thatššs€a€mom€trick.šš€€Amy€took€a€black€hairĻband€from€the€table€between€the€girlsšš€beds€and€put€her€red€thick€hair€into€a€pony€tail.€€Then€sheĻpushed€herself€back€against€a€large€poster€of€The€Ō_ŌBackstreetŌ_Ō€Boys€taped€to€the€wall.€€š šŌ_ŌWhatššdŌ_ŌĻthey€say€when€you€guys€went€back€in?ššĢą [ ąš šNothing,€really.€€Just€dished€out€the€pie€and€ice„cream.ššĢą [ ąš šDid€Mrs.€Ō_ŌBuckhornŌ_Ō€smile€or€anything?ššĢą [ ąCassie€walked€back€to€her€bed€and€sat€on€its€edge.€€š šShe€smiled.€€So€did€Mr.€Ō_ŌBuckhornŌ_Ō.€ĻIt€was€weird.ššĢą [ ąš šItššs€weird,€anyway,€little€sister.€€You€two€are€fourteen€and€sheššs€inviting€you€for€dinner.€ĻYouššve€gotta€think€thatššs€weird.ššŠ %,ˆ'> Šą [ ąš šI€think€itššs€ņņmoreóó€weird€that€Dad€let€me€go,šš€Cassie€said,€pulling€back€her€covers.€€š šHeŠ  Šmust€like€Andy€a€lot.€€Or€maybe€he€thought€that€Mom€wouldššve€let€me€go,€so€he€did.ššĢą [ ąš šMom€would€love€to€be€sitting€in€here€listening€to€all€this.ššĢą [ ąš šI€wouldnššt€tell€her€ņņeveryóóthing,€Amy.€€Ō_ŌThatššdŌ_Ō€be€gross,€donššt€you€think?ššŠ vŁ Šą [ ąš šWhatššs€more€gross?€€Kissing€or€having€kids?ššĢą [ ąš šPoint€taken.šš€€Cassie€was€silent€for€a€few€moments.€€š šI€really€miss€her,€Amy.€€I€thoughtĻthat€after€two€years...Iššd€have...I€donššt€know.šš€€She€slouched€her€shoulders,€looked€at€her€glitteryĻfingernails.Ģą [ ąš šJust€thought€itššd€be€different,€huh?ššĢą [ ąš šSomething€like€that.šš€€Cassie€yawned€loudly.€Ģą [ ąThe€sistersšš€eyes€roamed€around€their€small€farmhouse€bedroom,€stopping€on€variousĻpieces€of€clothing€hanging€in€the€closet,€or€a€certain€piece€of€furniture.€€Cassie€crawled€under€herĻcovers€and€picked€up€the€ņņSeventeenóó.€€On€the€cover€were€two€teenage€girls€in€fancy€dresses,Š óV Šadvertising€tips€for€homecoming€festivities.Ģą [ ąš šIššm€gonna€bust€in€this€bed,€Cassie,€if€you€donššt€finish.ššĢą [ ąš šWell,€you€keep€interrupting€my€story.€€Just€zip€your€lips,€okay?ššĢą [ ąWith€her€right€hand,€Amy€pretended€to€pull€a€zipper€across€her€lips.€€Ģą [ ąš šOkay,€then...where€was€I?€€Okay,€yeah,€well,€we€left€the€house€and€walked€out€back€toĻhis€momššs€garden.€€Even€though€you€donššt€like€bushes€and€flowers€much,€youššd€love€this€garden,ĻAmy.€Iššm€telling€you,€itššs€fanņņtasóótic.€€Ō_ŌAnywaysŌ_Ō,€Andy€was€holding€my€hand,€which€was€no€big€deal,Š äG& Šyou€know,€because€weššve€been€holding€hands€for€like€three€weeks€now.šš€€Cassie€turned€towardĻher€sister,€who€was€€lying€on€her€side€with€her€head€propped€on€the€palm€of€her€right€hand.€€š šWeĻwere€walking€and€he€was€talking€about€the€lacrosse€team€and€what€a€good€shot€they€have€toĻmake€the€play„offs€this€yearš!šthat€sort€of€stuff.€€Iššm€not€much€into€sports,€you€know,€but€I€listenedĻanyway.€€Then€we€just€stopped€walking.šš€€Cassie€timidly€smiled.€€š šHe€looked€at€me.€€I€looked€atĻhim.€€And€then€mayhem€came€calling.ššĢą [ ąš šI€wouldnššt€callš!šššĢą [ ąš šStop€right€there,€thank€you€very€much.šš€Ģą [ ąAmy€rolled€her€eyes€and€pulled€that€zipper€across€her€lips€again.Ģą [ ąš šThatššs€what€it€seemed€like.€€Mayhem.€€But€after€the€Ō_ŌsorriesŌ_Ō€and€all€that€stuff,€he€leanedĻin€again€and€it€worked.€€He€pressed€his€tender€lips€to€mine€and€I€could€feel€my€face€about€toĻexplode...not...(Ō_ŌachooŌ_Ō)...that€I€wasnššt€already...(Ō_ŌachooŌ_Ō)...beet€red€from€the€whole€eye„pokingŠ 3,–'> Šthing.šš€€Cassieššs€face€was€red€as€a€beet€once€again€and€tears€fell€from€her€eyes€from€the€powerfulĻsneezes.€€Ģą [ ą€š šBless€you,€Sneezy€Dwarf.šš€€Amy€laughed€really€loud€into€her€pillow,€as€Cassie€snatchedĻthe€glasses€from€her€face€and€blew€into€her€hanky.€€š šSorry,€Cass.€€Really.€€But€the€thought€of€youĻtwo€doing€that€is€too€funny.€€Too€bad€it€wasnššt€caught€onš!šššĢą [ ąš šVideo!€€Oh,€my€God,€Iššd€die.šš€Cassie€said€into€her€hands.€€When€she€recovered€from€herĻslight€embarrassment,€she€continued€her€story.€€š šThen€we€kissed€again.€€It€was€pretty€strangeĻfeeling€his€tongue€on€my€lips€trying€to€get€them€apart.€€Then€I€got€the€hint€and€opened€my€mouthĻa€bit.€€He€was€as€awkward€as€I€was.šš€€Cassie€lay€back€on€her€pillow€and€sighed.€š šOf€course,€whoĻam€I€to€judge?ššĢą [ ąš šSo,€Cassandra€Lilith€Meyer,ššsaid€Amy,€š šare€you€in€love€with€this€guy,€or€what?ššĢą [ ąCassie€shot€up€to€a€sitting€position.€€š šHow€should€I€know?ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌWhadayaŌ_Ō€feel?ššĢą [ ąš šI...Iššm€not€quite€sure,€actually.€€I€guess€kind€of€Ō_ŌflutteryŌ_Ō€inside€when€I€think€of€him.€€AndĻthen€while€we€were€kissing,€I€thought€weššd€just€ooze€out€of€each€otherššs€arms€and€trickle€into€theĻsoil€to€become€one€with€the€bushes.ššĢą [ ąAgain,€Amy€rolled€her€eyes.€€š šŌ_ŌJeezŌ_Ō,€Cass.€€You€guys€were€that€scared?ššĢą [ ąš šNot€scared.€€More€like€nervous€as€hell.ššĢą [ ąAmy€looked€at€her€sister€without€blinking.€€A€look€of€confusion€was€on€her€freckled€face.€ĻHer€thin,€sculpted€eyebrows€were€arched€more€than€normal.Ģą [ ąš šI€donššt€know!šš€Cassie€said.€€š šWe€like€each€other.šš€€She€shrugged.€€š šSo€it€was€awkward.ššĻThrowing€the€covers€from€her€body,€she€said,€š šOkay,€then,€Miss€Experience,€tell€me€how€it€worksĻwith€you.šš€€Cassie€crossed€her€arms€over€the€chest€she€hoped€would€develop€at€a€much€fasterĻrate.Ģą [ ąš šFirst,šš€Amy€said,€š šI€wanna€know€what€you€like€about€Andy€Ō_ŌBuckhornŌ_Ō.ššĢą [ ąš šThatššs€easy,šš€Cassie€told€her.€€š šHeššs€super€nice,€good„looking...but€not€too€good„lookingĻthat€other€girls€hang€all€over€him.šš€€Cassie€tucked€her€hair€behind€her€ears.€€š šI€really€like€that€heššsĻCherokee.€€Heššs€got€some€cultureš!šnot€like€us.€€I€think€itššs€neat.šš€€She€shrugged€her€bonyĻshoulders.€Ģą [ ąš šWeššve€got€culture,€Cass.ššĢą [ ąš šLike€what?ššĢą [ ąš šWell,€Grandpa€Meyer€came€over€from€Germany,€didnššt€he?ššŠ ,z'> Šą [ ąš šSo?ššĢą [ ąš šThere€you...well,€hmm.šš€€Amy€bit€her€bottom€lip.€€š šCultureššs€the€wrong€word€then.€€DoesĻhe€dress€up€for€the€festival€every€year?ššĢą [ ąš šNo,šš€Cassie€said€angrily.€€š šDonššt€be€so€stereotypical.€€He€cares€about€his€heritage,€atĻleast€thatššs€what€heššs€told€me,€but€he€doesnššt€participate€in€the€events.ššĢą [ ąš šOkay,šš€Amy€said.€€š šSorry.€€I€wasnššt€making€any€negative€comments.€€I€ņņlike€óóto€see€theŠ ū ^  Šcostumes€and€stuff.€€Donššt€get€all€flustered.ššĢą [ ąCassie€stayed€quiet€for€a€couple€of€minutes€while€Amy€filed€her€fingernails€and€hummedĻto€herself.€€She€had€to€calm€herself€down€after€the€almost„argument€the€two€sisters€were€close€toĻstarting.Ģ€ą0 [ ąš šOh,€and€heššs€generous€and€shy€and€attentive,šš€Cassie€finally€said.€€š šHeššs€got€like€the€Š`Ć [ ;#[ ;# Šhighest€grade€in€our€algebra€class.ššĢą [ ąAmy€was€nodding€her€head€and€smiling.Ģą [ ąš šAnd€he€doesnššt€mind€that€I€try€to€interrupt€my€sneezing€by€talking.ššĢą [ ąš šThatššs€cute,€Cass,ššAmy€said.€€š šWant€me€to€shut€the€window?ššĢą [ ąCassie€shook€her€head.€€š šI€like€the€smell,šš€she€said.€€š šOkay,€now€you€talk,€MissĻExperience.ššĢą [ ąAmy€sat€up.€€š šWell,€it€depends€on€the€boy,šš€she€began.€€š šTake€Ō_ŌRickyŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌClearyŌ_Ō,€for€example.€ĻRight€after€school€started,€I€knew€that€he€liked€me.€€I€started€to€flirt€with€him€a€couple€weeks€ago.€ĻJust€to€drag€him€along.€€Then€after€the€first€home€football€game,€we€sat€in€his€car€and€kissed€andĻstuff€for€like€an€hour.ššĢą [ ąš šWhat€stuff?ššĢą [ ąš šOh,€you€know.€€Like€touching€and€stuff.ššĢą [ ąš šElaborate,€please.€€Iššm€inexperienced,€remember?ššĢą [ ąš šI€wonššt€get€too€detailed,šš€said€Amy.€€š šLetššs€just€say€that€Ō_ŌRickyŌ_Ō€knows€what€this€full€chestĻof€breasts€feels€like.ššĢą [ ąCassie€clapped€her€hands€over€her€mouth.€€Her€sister€laughed€and€continued.Ģą [ ąš šAnd€his€hands€felt€so€good€all€over€my€body.€€Ō_ŌMmMmŌ_Ō.šš€€Amy€laughed€again€becauseĻCassie€was€bright€red.€€š šThatššs€just€an€example,€of€course.ššĢą [ ąš šAnd€you€donššt€like€him€at€all?ššĢą [ ąš šYeah,€I€do.€€Just€not€like€you€like€Andy.€€I€want€the€excitement,€not€the€romance.ššĢą [ ąš šSo€youššre€saying€that€because€I€took€it€slow€with€Andy€thatš!šššŠ ,'> Šą [ ąš šIššm€not€saying€anything,€Cass.€€Do€what€you€wanna€do.ššĢą [ ąCassie€was€silent€for€awhile.€€So€was€Amy.€€Both€girls€flipped€through€magazines.€€€AmyĻwas€reading€the€latest€ņņTeen€Peopleóó.€€She€was€mostly€looking€at€the€ads€for€shoes,€jeans,€junkŠ )Œ Šfood,€and€make„up.Ģą [ ąš šHereššs€a€quiz,€Amy.€€Fashion.ššĢą [ ąš šShoot.ššĢą [ ąš šWith€ten€minutes€to€catch€the€school€bus,šš€Cassie€read,€š šand€not€a€clue€about€what€toĻwear,€you€A...toss€on€the€jeans€you€had€on€yesterday€and€the€first€clean€shirt€you€canĻfind...Ō_ŌB...begŌ_Ō€your€dad€to€drive€you€because€you€couldnššt€possibly€look€your€best€in€just€a€fewĻminutes...or€C...raid€your€motherššs€closet€because€you€know€she€has€some€cool€dresses€from€theĻeighties.šš€Ģą [ ąš šSince€Momššs€not€around€anymore,€Iššd€have€to€go€with€A€because€Dad€would€be€out€onĻthe€farm€somewhere.ššĢą [ ąš šBad€question.€€Sorry.šš€€Cassie€skimmed€the€quiz€for€a€better€question.€€š šOkay.€€YouĻbooted€your€last€boyfriend€because€he€A...kept€insisting€that€you€would€look€really€cute€if€youĻjazzed€up€your€wardrobe€a€little...Ō_ŌB...madeŌ_Ō€you€feel€inadequate€by€having€even€cooler€clothesĻthan€you€did...Ō_ŌC...complainedŌ_Ō€that€guys€checked€you€out€too€much€in€the€clothes€that€he€boughtĻyou€for€your€birthday.ššĢą [ ąš šActually,šš€said€Amy,€š šI€ditched€my€last€boyfriend€because€he€kept€bugging€me€to€haveĻsex.€€But,€for€the€sake€of€the€quiz,€Iššll€say...uh...what€was€B€again?ššĢą [ ąš šMade€you€feel€inadequate€becauseš!šššĢą [ ąš šOh,€yeah.€€Iššll€go€with€C€ššcause€any€guy€that€buys€me€sexy€clothes...then€comņņplainsóóŠ bÅ* Šabout€the€looks€I€get...is€just€way€too€insecure.€€Definitely€C.ššĢą [ ąš šI€didnššt€know€thatššs€why€you€broke€up€with€Cooper,šš€said€Cassie.Ģą [ ąš šYeah.€€He€was€too€pushy€so€I€pushed€him€away.ššĢą [ ąCassie€was€silent,€staring€at€her€sister.Ģą [ ąš šWhat?šš€Amy€blurted.Ģą [ ąš šYouššre€still€a€virgin?ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌYipperŌ_Ō.ššĢą [ ąš šI€thoughtš!šššĢą [ ąš šššCause€I€mess€around€that€I€screw€every€guy?€€No€way,€little€sister.šš€€Amy€pointed€at€theĻposter€behind€her.€€š šIššm€waiting€for€Ō_ŌHowieŌ_Ō,€baby.šš€€She€winked€at€Cassie.Š %,ˆ'> Šą [ ąš šSo€you€jumped€on€the€Ō_ŌBritneyŌ_Ō€Spears€wagon€then?ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌJeezŌ_Ō,€Cass,šš€Amy€said,€taking€the€gold€loop€from€her€left€ear.€€š šLook€at€the€guys€thatĻboth€Ō_ŌBritneyŌ_Ō€Spears€and€Jessica€Simpson€are€dating,šš€she€said.€€š šIf€they€can€hold€off...I€can.€€AndĻtheyššre€older€than€I€am.šš€€She€paused.€€š šOr€has€Ō_ŌBritneyŌ_Ō€gotten€off€that€wagon€now?šš€€Amy€shookĻher€head€as€if€the€answer€to€that€question€didnššt€matter.€€š šAnd,€of€course,€Jessica€and€Nick€are€noĻlongerš!šššĢą [ ąš šWanna€come€back€to€this€conversation?ššĢą [ ąš šRight,šš€said€Amy.Ģą [ ąš šBut€what€about€all€that€about€going€for€it?€€What€did€he€say€about€you€wanting€to€wait?ššĢAmy€held€her€hand€up€to€quiet€her€sister,€the€same€way€Cassie€had€done€to€her.Ģą [ ąš šTo€tell€you€the€truth,€I€liked€Cooperš!ša€lot.šš€€Amy€folded€her€legs€under€her€body€and€satĻon€her€ankles.€€She€was€wearing€a€gray€tank€top€with€a€pair€of€black€boxers.€€Her€long€pony€tailĻhung€over€her€right€shoulder.€€š šHeššs€the€one€I€thought€that€I€might€have€some€romantic€feelingsĻfor.€€Like€you€have€for€Andy.ššĢą [ ąš šI€thought€you€justš!šššĢą [ ąš šI€know€what€I€just€said,€but€Cooper€was€different.€€Actually,€sitting€here€listening€to€youĻtalk€about€Andy€like€that€makes€me€think€of€Cooper€and€how€much€I€really€did€like€him.ššĢą [ ąš šWhat€did€you€like?ššĢą [ ąš šKind€of€the€opposite€of€what€you€like€about€Andy.šš€Amy€picked€at€a€mosquito€bite€on€herĻknee.€€š šI€liked€that€he€would€mess€around€in€class.€€When€the€teacher€wasnššt€looking.€€He€wasĻreally€careful€not€to€get€in€trouble.€€And€I€just€liked€the€way€he€looked€at€me€in€the€hallway€orĻwhen€we€sat€together€at€lunch.šš€Ģą [ ąShe€was€quiet€for€a€few€seconds.Ģą [ ąš šHeššs€got€ņņthe€mostóó€incredible€blue€eyesš!šand€he€always€smells€so€good,šš€Amy€said,Š ē!J. Šsmiling,€looking€out€the€window,€as€if€her€sister€werenššt€even€in€the€room€anymore.€€š šThis€mayĻsound€weird,šš€she€said,€š šbut€I€liked€that€he€wasnššt€very€attentive€in€school.€€To€me.€€Like€he€keptĻme€guessing€if€we€would€get€together€later€that€day€at€his€house€or€something€like€that.€€He€was€Ļmysterious.€€Cool.€€And€the€guy€can€kiss€and€touch€and€a€whole€lot€more,€Cass.€€Whoa.šš€€AmyĻfell€to€her€left,€making€the€bed€springs€jiggle.€€Ģą [ ąš šWhat€happened?šš€€Cassie€asked,€removing€her€glasses€and€gently€placing€them€on€theĻnight€stand.€€She€rubbed€her€tired€eyes€then€blew€her€red€nose.Ģą [ ąš šWell,€we€went€out€a€bunch€of€times€and€hung€out€with€other€couples€or€just€singles.€€AndŠ ,'> Šwe€would€mess€around.€€I€mean,€a€lot.€€It€was€like€whenever€we€were€togetherš!šoutside€ofĻschoolš!šwe€had€to€be€kissing€or€hugging.€€Or€something.€€Then€he€started€talking€about€going€toĻthe€next€level.šš€€Amy€looked€at€the€clock€then€at€her€sister.€€š šMind€if€I€turn€off€the€light?šš€€AmyĻcrawled€over€her€bed€to€the€switch€on€the€wall€that€controlled€the€one€overhead€light.€€She€quietlyĻopened€the€bedroom€door€and€checked€her€fatherššs€door€again.€€š šI€donššt€need€Dad€hearing€any€ofĻthis.ššĢą [ ąWhen€Amy€was€under€her€covers,€she€turned€toward€Cassie€and€started€talking€again,Ļbut€in€a€loud€whisper.Ģą [ ąš šWeššd€already€seen€each€other€naked,šš€she€began.€€š šHis€parents€work€till€like€six,€so€mostĻdays€weššd€go€to€his€house€after€school.€€Weššd€get€naked€in€his€bedroom,€like€we€were€in€a€soapĻopera€or€something.€€And€a€few€times€we€almost€did€it,€but€I€got€too€scared.€€I€mean,€Iššm€onlyĻsixteen.€€I€donššt€care€how€many€boys€Iššve€kissed€and€jerked€off,€sex€is€a€whole€other€ball€game.€ĻThatššs€big€time.ššĢą [ ąš šWhat€did€Cooper€say€about€you€not€wanting€to?šš€Cassie€impatiently€asked€again.Ģą [ ąš šHold€on€a€sec,€Cass.€€This€is€really€funny,šš€Amy€said.€€š šOnce,€while€we€were€in€his€room,Ļwe€heard€his€dad€come€home€from€work€early€because€he€was€going€to€Cooperššs€little€brotherššsĻbaseball€game.ššĢą [ ąCassieššs€mouth€was€open€and€her€watery€eyes€were€wide.Ģą [ ąš šSo,€Cooper€jumps€up...and...throws€on€some€sweat€pants.šš€€Amy€could€barely€get€herĻwords€out,€remembering€how€funny€the€scene€was.€€š šThen€thereššs€this€knock€on€the€door,€right,ššĻshe€said€more€calmly,€sitting€up.€€š šOh,€man.€€All€of€a€sudden,€Cooper€bunches€up€all€the€coversĻand€everything€on€top€of€me€so€it€just€looked€like€his€covers€were€all€bunched€up,€Ō_ŌyaŌ_Ō€know.ššĢą [ ąš šWhat€did€you€do?ššĢą [ ąš šNothing.€€I€was€as€still€as€I€could€be.€€His€dad€just€said,€ššheyšš,€and€left.ššĢą [ ąš šThatššs€scary,€Amy,šš€Cassie€said,€with€a€smirk.€€š šBut€pretty€funny,€too.ššĢą [ ąš šYeah,€that€was€exciting,šš€Amy€sighed.€€š šAnyway,€getting€back€to€what€he€told€me.€€HeĻtold€me€I€should€think€about€it€more€and€said€to€find€out€about€the€pill.€€So€I€did.ššĢą [ ąš šHow?ššĢą [ ąš šDo€you€ask€this€many€questions€in€your€classes?šš€Amy€asked.€€Ģą [ ąš šIf€you€donššt€wantš!šššą c ąŠ ‹)ī$: Šą [ ąš šNo,€I€do,šš€she€said,€š šitššs€fine.€€This€is€the€kind€of€stuff€mom€would€probably€have€talked€toĻus€about€if€she€were€here€anyway.šš€€Amy€wrapped€her€arms€around€her€legs.€€Then€she€said,€€š šIŠ ,z'> Šlearned€about€contraception€and€that€stuff€in€school,€but€they€donššt€just€hand€out€birth€controlĻpills.ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌWhatššdŌ_Ō€you€do?ššĢą [ ąš šWeird,€I€guess,€but€a€woman€from€the€clinic€downtown€came€in€to€talk€to€my€cookingĻclass€about€testing€for€HIV€and€AIDS€and€other€diseases.€€Then€she€said€something€about€the€pillĻand€how€to€go€about€getting€it.€€So€I€went€down€there€one€day€with€Lavender.ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌWhatššdŌ_Ō€Lavender€do?€€Did€she€get€the€pill,€too?ššĢą [ ąš šShe€was€more€like€my€support€system.€€And,€like€I€said,€they€donššt€just€hand€you€the€pillsĻand€shoo€you€away.šš€€Amy€got€out€of€her€bed€and€went€to€Cassieššs.€€She€sat€down€and€pulled€herĻlegs€up€to€her€chest.€€š šI€had€to€get€an€examination.ššĢą [ ąCassie€slowly€sat€up,€her€eyes€wide€with€wonder.€€Her€sister€was€never€so€straightforwardĻwith€her€as€she€was€being€just€then.€€The€light„blue€curtains€continued€to€flutter€in€the€coolĻbreeze,€the€corn€fieldššs€odor€still€lingering€in€the€room.Ģą [ ąš šIššd€heard€all€kinds€of€stories€about€girls€getting€examinations€and€how€humiliating€it€was,Ļthat€kind€of€thing.€€That€went€against€stuff€€Iššve€read€in€magazines€about€it.ššĢą [ ąš šExplain.ššĢą [ ąš šWell,€I€gave€my€name€and€filled€out€a€form.€€Then€Lavender€and€I€just€waited€around,Ļtalking€and€flipping€through€magazines.€€I€mean,€sheššs€my€best€friend,€so€I€was€glad€she€wasĻthere.šš€€Ģą [ ąCassie€sneezed.€€Amy€looked€over€her€shoulder€at€the€window.€€š šThe€moon€does€light€upĻthe€world,€huh?šš€€She€got€up€to€close€the€window€then€sat€down€again€on€her€sisterššs€bed.€Ļš šThen...uh...the€nurse€called€my€name€and€I€followed€her€to€a€scale.€€She€weighed€me.€€Took€myĻblood€pressure.€€Then€she€took€me€into€an€examination€room.€€I€asked€if€Lavender€could€come€inĻand€she€said,€yes,€that€she€would€send€her€in.€€I€was€glad€when€Lavender€showed€up.€€It€calmedĻme€down€a€bit.€€Talk€about€being€nervous.ššĢą [ ąš šIššm€glad€she€was€there€for€you.€€If€you€wouldššve€told€me,€Ō_ŌIššdššveŌ_Ō€gone€with€you.ššĢą [ ąš šThanks,€Cass,šš€Amy€said,€smiling.€€š šThe€doctor€came€in...an€older€guy...and€asked€me€aĻbunch€of€questions€about€my€period€and€sexual€activity.€€Told€him€I€was€a€virgin€and€wanted€toĻgo€on€the€pill€because€my€boyfriend€and€I€wanted€to€make€love.ššĢą [ ąš šYou€said€that?šš€Cassie€laughed.Ģą [ ąš šI€was€trying€to€be€mature.€€So,€the€doctor€just€nodded€and€asked€more€questions.€€ToldĻme€what€the€pill€does€and€how€to€take€it.€€Some€possible€side€effects.€€Then€he€handed€me€aŠ ,z'> ŠŃ#‰bŃā #āŃČŃŃ€Ńā #āŃ  Ńpamphlet.šš€€Amy€took€the€hair€band€from€her€hair€and€slid€it€on€her€freckled€wrist.€€š šGave€me€thisĻlittle€paper€thing€to€put€over€my€body.ššĢą [ ąš šPaper€thing?ššĢą [ ąš šYeah,€itššs€like€a€paper€dress€with€a€top€and€bottom.ššĢą [ ąš šYou€got€naked?€€With€the€doctor€there?ššĢą [ ąš šNo,€he€left,šš€Amy€said.€€š šYes,€I€got€naked.€€Behind€the€curtain.€€Then€Lavender€leftĻbecause€I€told€her€Iššd€be€okay€because€Ō_ŌthereššdŌ_Ō€be€a€nurse€in€with€the€doctor€during€theĻexamination.ššĢą [ ąCassie€nodded€and€remained€silent,€gripping€her€pink€hanky€in€both€hands.Ģą [ ąš šThe€doctor€came€back€and€told€me€what€was€gonna€happen.€€I€was€nervous€until€theĻnurse€came€in.€€I€laid€back€and€he€inserted€this€metal€thing€that€was€cold.€€I€jumped€at€firstĻbecause€it€scared€me.ššĢą [ ąš šWhatššs€that€do?ššĢą [ ąš šIt€didnššt€hurt,šš€Amy€said€reassuringly€and€touched€her€sisterššs€leg.€€š šMore€like€it€wasĻuncomfortable.€€It€opens€you€up€so€the€doctor€can€look€in€there,€like€itššs€some€kind€of€tunnel€orĻsomething,€and€take€cultures.ššĢą [ ąBefore€Cassie€could€ask€what€cultures€were,€Amy€quickly€explained.€€Ģą [ ąš šThat€just€means€he€sticks€a€long€q„tip€in€the€tunnel,šš€she€said,€laughing€at€her€own€littleĻjoke,€š šwhich€is€really€called€the€vaginal€canal.€€Then€the€tip€of€the€swab€touches€theĻcervix....which€was€like€a€prick...then€he€hands€it€to€the€nurse.€€Then€he€took€another€swab€andĻgot€some€cells€from€the€tunnelššs€walls.ššĢą [ ąStill,€Cassie€sat€looking€at€her€sister,€intrigued.€€She€was€taking€in€all€of€the€informationĻshe€could€for€when€it€was€her€turn€to€visit€the€doctor.Ģą [ ąš šThen€that€was€it,šš€said€Amy.€€š šOh,€wait.€€He€examined€my€boobs,€too,€which€I€thoughtĻwas€the€weirdest€part.€€Usually€it€feels€good€when€a€guy€touches€them,€but€the€doctor€touchingĻthem€was€weird.€€Not€like,€freak„me„out€weird.€€But€weird.€€Different€touching.ššĢą [ ąš šWhat€did€you€think€about?ššĢą [ ąš šI€guess€I€just€kept€saying€in€my€head€that€it€was€something€I€had€to€do€so€I€was€doing€it.ššĢą [ ąš šWhatššs€he€checking€for?€€Cancer?ššĢą [ ąš šKind€of.šš€€Amy€got€silent€for€some€time.€€Cassie€didnššt€say€anything€either.€€Their€motherĻdied€from€breast€cancer€that€was€detected€very€late.Ģą [ ąCassie€yawned.€€š šLetššs€not€talk€about€that€anymore,€Amy,€okay.€€I€donššt€want€to€be€up€allŠ ,z'> ŠŃ0cŃā āŃ`Ńā āŃ  Ńnight€crying.€€Iššve€got€a€big€algebra€test€tomorrow.šš€€She€pointed€at€the€algebra€book€on€the€nightĻstand€between€the€beds.€Ģą [ ąš šNo€problem,šš€Amy€said,€getting€back€under€her€own€covers,€but€sitting€up.Ģą [ ąš šDid€you€get€the€pills?ššĢą [ ąš šUh„uh,šš€Amy€said,€emphatically€shaking€her€head.€€š šI€told€Cooper€a€few€days€later€that€IĻdidnššt€wanna€get€the€pills.€€He€kept€pushing€to€have€sex€with€condoms,€but€I€didnššt€wanna€haveĻsex€at€all.ššĢą [ ąš šWhat€really€changed€your€mind?šš€Cassie€asked.Ģą [ ąš šThe€doctorššs€lecture.€€He€said€the€pillššs€not€a€hundred€percent€effective...and€it€doesnšštĻprotect€from€diseases.€€Could€you€imagine,šš€Amy€said,€hugging€her€knees,€š šif€I€got€pregnant?€€IĻknow€that€I€donššt€have€any€diseases€because€I€havenššt€heard€anything€from€the€clinic.€€The€nurseĻtold€me€that€no€news€was€good€news.€€But€what€am€I€supposed€to€say€to€Ō_ŌHowieŌ_Ō€when€he€comesĻlooking€to€marry€me?€ššOh,€hey,€do€you€have€any€diseases?ššššĢą [ ąCassie€laughed.€€š šFirst,€stop€dreaming.€€And€second,€yes,€you€are,šš€she€told€her€olderĻsister.€€š šI€read€about€that€ņņóóa€few€months€ago.€€You€have€a€right€to€do€that,€but€you€ņņcanšštóó€be€shyŠ qŌ Šabout€it.šš€€Cassie€turned€on€her€side€to€look€at€Amy€in€the€moonlight.€€š šItššs€your€life,€right?€€YouššveĻgot€to€be€safe.ššĢą [ ąš šMakes€sense,€Cass.€€I€guess€if€a€guy€wants€to€have€sex€with€me,€the€least€he€can€do€isĻtell€me€about€his€past.šš€€Amy€stretched€out€her€legs.€€š šOf€course,€that€goes€for€me,€too,šš€she€said.€Ļš šI€mean,€thatššs€really€scary.€€ššCause€you€canššt€just€trust€someone€to€tell€you€the€truth.ššĢą [ ąš šThat€makes€sense,€too,šš€Cassie€said.€€š šAnd€that€article€said€that€if€a€guy€doesnššt€want€toĻwear€a€condom,€then€tell€him€to€forget€it...no€matter€ņņhowóó€good„looking€he€is!šš€€She€pointed€atŠ bÅ* ŠAmy.€Ģą [ ąš šŌ_ŌYipperŌ_Ō.ššĢą [ ąš šIššm€proud€of€you.€€I€really€am.€€This€may€sound€crazy,€or€Ō_ŌcheeseyŌ_Ō,€or€something,€butĻyouššre€a€good€role€model€for€me€right€now.€€You€know,€with€mom€being€gone€and€all.ššĢą [ ąš šThanks,€Cass,šš€Amy€said,€smiling€at€her€sister.€€€š šThatššs€nice€to€hear.€€But€that€doesnšštĻmean€you€can€go€getting€naked€with€Andy€anytime€soon.ššĢą [ ąCassie€choked€on€a€cough.€€š šNaked!šš€she€managed€to€say.€€š šMy€God,€we€can€barely€kissĻwithout€dying€from€nervousness€or€embarrassment.€€Getting€naked€would€definitely€ņņkillóó€us.€€ThenŠ ™)ü$: Šweššd€get€caught€because€someone€would€find€us€lying€somewhere.€€Naked.€€€Our€souls€wouldĻturn€bright€red.ššŠ ,,'> Šą [ ąš šIššm€gonna€wait€a€little€longer,šš€said€Amy.€€š šBut,€wow,€some€of€the€guys€Iššve€been€with€canĻreally€make€me€think€about€changing€my€mind.€€Cooper€made€me...well,€forget€it.ššĢą [ ąš šMade€you€what?šš€Cassie€asked€quickly.Ģą [ ąš šNope.€€Thatššs€all.€€Iššm€finished€revealing€stuff€for€the€night.ššĢą [ ąš šI€think€I€can€figure€it€out€anyway.ššĢą [ ąš šGood,šš€said€Amy.€€š šYou€do€that€then.€€But€Iššm€done.ššĢą [ ąAmy€reached€over€to€the€antique€lamp€on€the€table€and€pulled€the€string.€Ģą [ ąš šThereššs€a€quiz€in€this€old€ņņSeventeenóó€about€first€kisses.€€Iššll€find€it€and€ask€you€theŠ ‡ ź Šquestions.ššĢą [ ąCassie€pushed€herself€up€and€leaned€against€the€pine€backboard,€her€eyes€still€adjustingĻto€the€bright€light.€€She€listened€closely€as€her€sister€read€the€questions€from€the€magazine€quiz.€ĻA€peaceful€look€was€on€Cassieššs€face€and€a€wide€smile€stretched€across€it.ĢÓ€3³×dÓÓ€ÓÓÓŌ#† X]Xõ ō=,e#ŌĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢÓjéÓÓÓń¶ńń¶ńń·ńĢń·ńń¶ńŠ ä+G'2 Їń¶ńĢĢĢĢĢńøńÓĪéÓńøńńøńÓĪéÓńøńņ ņó óÓ  ÓńøńÓ€ÓÓ€ÓńøńNo€Time€to€RunŠ 9 œ ŠÓ`źÓńøńÓ€ÓÓ€ÓńøńĢĢĢĢĢĢńøńÓ€‡źÓńøńńøńÓ€ƒźÓńøńŌ‡ ō=,õX X]Ōą [ ąNeil€Clark€laced€up€his€new€running€shoes.€€They€were€gray€cross„trainers€with€a€darkŠ ­  Šblue€NB€on€both€the€inside€and€outside€of€the€shoe.€€His€father€had€brought€them€home€theĻprevious€night;€he€told€Neil€that€these€new€shoes€would€better€absorb€the€shock€on€his€kneesĻfrom€the€schoolššs€paved€track,€as€well€as€help€his€traction€on€the€cross„country€courses.€€Still€tiredĻfrom€a€late„night€study€session,€Neilššs€clear€blue€eyes€were€fighting€to€stay€closed,€and€he€wasĻtrying€to€remember€the€dream€he€was€having€before€his€father€woke€him€up.€€It€was€the€sameĻthing€every€day€and€Neil€felt€like€his€life€was€on€cruise€control.Ģą [ ąAfter€brushing€his€teeth,€Neil€sat€in€butterfly€position€on€the€hardwood€floor€between€hisĻbed€and€dresser.€€He€began€the€painful€process€of€the€6€AM€stretch.€€Every€morning€he€enduredĻten€minutes€of€stretching€before€the€three„mile€run.€€Forcing€his€chest€toward€the€floor,€Neil€couldĻhear€Ben,€his€ten„year„old€brother,€peacefully€snoring,€enjoying€his€dream.€€Many€mornings€NeilĻwished€he€had€Benššs€disability.€€If€he€had€the€same€acute€asthma€from€which€his€brother€suffered,Ļthen€Neil€couldnššt€run€around€the€track€or€along€the€damp€road€and€trails€before€the€rest€of€theĻneighborhood€came€to€life.Ģą [ ąAs€Neil€scuttled€down€the€stairs€in€his€black€sweat€pants€and€team„issued€red€and€grayĻwind„breaker,€he€caught€a€glimpse€of€his€father€sitting€in€the€black€leather€recliner€reading€theĻpaper.€€This€sight€bothered€Neil,€even€though€he€saw€his€father€in€the€same€position€everyĻmorning€when€he€left€for€his€run.€Ģą [ ąFor€two€weeks,€Neil€had€this€deep„gut€feeling€that€made€him€nauseous€when€he€thoughtĻof€his€father.€€Or€when€he€thought€about€running.€€Although€he€was€only€seventeen,€Neil€felt€likeĻhe€had€reached€his€peak€in€running.€€He€was€All„State€the€past€two€years€for€the€800€meter€andĻhe€had€a€lot€to€do€with€his€team€getting€first€place€in€cross„country€all€three€years€of€his€highĻschool€career.€€There€was€more€to€life€than€running,€he€had€thought€time€and€again€over€thoseĻtwo€weeks,€as€well€as€during€the€summer€break.€€Neil€wanted€to€enjoy€his€senior€year€of€highĻschool.€€And€he€didnššt€care€about€an€athletic€scholarship€because€his€grades€were€good€enoughĻto€get€him€an€academic€scholarship€from€one€of€the€state€schools€to€which€he€applied.€Š Ķ+0'> Šą [ ąThe€Clark€house€ran€smoothly€on€routine,€the€same€way€Mr.€Clark,€a€small€claims€judge,Ļconducted€business€in€his€courtroom.€€He€was€a€man€who€demanded€respect,€competence,€andĻdiscipline.€€Every€morning,€Mr.€Clark€would€wake€up€at€5:15,€stretch,€bike€the€three„miles€to€town,Ļbuy€a€paper€from€Rocky€the€newsstand€man,€and€bike€the€three€miles€home,€uphill.€€When€heĻreturned,€he€would€wake€Neil,€who€would€stretch,€run,€and€go€home€to€do€fifty€push„ups€with€DadĻbefore€each€went€to€shower.€€Mom€would€wake€up€and€trudge€downstairs€to€start€the€morningĻmeal.€€Always€plain€oatmeal€with€cinnamon€and€a€banana.€€Neil€looked€forward€to€FridaysĻbecause€he€could€opt€out€of€the€oatmeal€for€either€two€eggs€or€three€link€sausages.€€He€alwaysĻalternated.Ģą [ ąWhen€Ben,€hair€damp€and€smelling€of€soap,€was€finally€at€the€table,€the€family€would€sitĻand€eat€breakfast€together.€€Neil€dreaded€this€time€of€the€day€the€most„„even€more€thanĻGeometry€class.Ģą [ ąš šThe€first€cross„country€race€of€the€season€is€next€week,€son?ššĢą [ ąš šYeah,€Dad,šš€Neil€replied€without€feeling.Ģą [ ąš šThatššs€always€the€most€exciting€race,šš€said€Mr.€Clark.€š šDonššt€you€think,€dear?ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌMmhmŌ_Ō,šš€Mrs.€Clark€mumbled,€not€wanting€to€talk€with€her€mouth€full€of€oatmeal.Ģą [ ąš šWell,€Neil,€youššll€be€ready,šš€said€his€father.€š šYou€always€are.€€And€the€scouts€will€reallyĻbe€watching€you€this€year.šš€€Mr.€Clark€looked€at€his€eldest€son€with€a€grin€that€Neil€missedĻbecause€he€was€looking€into€his€bowl€of€mush.€€He€wanted€his€father€to€be€quiet€and€to€leave€himĻalone.€Ģą [ ąš šAre€you€listening€to€me,€Neil?šš€Mr.€Clark€asked,€pulling€his€cloth€napkin€from€his€lips.€Ļš šThis€is€a€chance€for€you€to€get€a€scholarship.€€You€can€really€shine€here,€son!ššĢą [ ąš šI€know,€Dad.€€You€keep€telling€me.ššĢą [ ąš šWhatššs€your€problem?šš€€Ģą0 [ ąMr.€Clark€pushed€his€chair€back.€The€sound€echoed€throughout€the€stainless€steel€Š [ ;#[ ;# Škitchen.€€He€sat€for€a€few€moments€with€his€hands€resting€on€his€lap,€looking€at€his€sonššs€face.€ĻNeilššs€ice„blue€eyes€stayed€lowered,€staring€into€the€depths€of€his€oatmeal,€wanting€to€sink.€Ģ€€ą0 [ ąš šShould€we€fight€it€out€of€you?ššŠż"`6[ ;#[ ;# Šą [ ąš šHoney,€not€this€morning,€please,šš€Mrs.€Clark€implored.ą0 Ć ąą0Ć;#Ć;#ąŠ$€8;#;# Šą [ ąš šŌ_ŌCššmonŌ_Ō,€Dad,šš€Ben€spoke€up.€€š šLeave€Neil€alone.ššĢą [ ąMr.€Clark€stood€up,€grabbed€Neilššs€arm,€and€yanked€him€out€of€his€chair.€€He€pushed€himĻthrough€the€kitchen€door€and€into€the€spacious€living€room.€€Nothing€was€out€of€place.€€Even€theĻlines€on€the€tan,€recently„vacuumed€carpet€were€crisp,€clear.€€Neil€moved€as€if€he€were€a€robot,Ļwithout€feeling,€without€thought.€€Then€he€felt€the€pain€splash€through€his€shoulder.€€His€fatherššsĻleft€fist€was€hard,€but€Neilššs€hands€did€not€move.€€A€strong€punch€to€the€other€shoulder€wasĻfollowed€by€a€light€slap€on€his€sunburned€cheek.€€Š ż+`'F Šą [ ąNeil€stood,€looking€through€his€father€at€a€picture€of€himself€as€a€boy€on€a€jungle€gym.€ĻWhat€a€great€day€that€was,€so€many€years€ago.€€Neil€was€smiling,€sitting€atop€the€monkey€bars,Ļand€the€sun€was€shining€on€him.€€He€was€looking€down€into€the€cameraššs€lens.€€That€day€heĻcrossed€the€metal€bars€faster€than€any€other€boy€on€the€playground.€€His€floppy€brown€hair€wasĻshaped€like€the€salad€bowls€his€grandmother€always€used€for€Sunday€brunch.€€Neilššs€teacher€tookĻthe€picture€and€gave€it€to€his€parents€at€the€next€teacher„parent€conference.€€The€proud€motherĻgot€it€blown€up€and€framed.€€Ģą [ ąWhen€he€was€nine,€Neil€could€play€whatever;€he€could€run€wherever;€he€could€jumpĻhowever.€€Things€were€different€now,€as€he€stood€in€the€living€room€with€his€father€in€front€of€him,Ļjump„stepping€from€one€foot€to€the€other,€popping€his€son€in€the€arms.€Mr.€Clark€was€taller€thanĻNeil€by€one€inch€and€heavier€by€twenty€pounds,€but€he€still€looked€scrawny€and€lanky.€€€ThisĻsparring€was€his€way€of€relieving€aggression,€of€trying€to€solve€problems,€of€showing€he€cared.€ĻWhat€Mr.€Clark€did€not€know€right€then€was€that€the€angst€inside€of€Neil€was€so€awesome€that€heĻwanted€to€swipe€his€fatherššs€legs€and€kick€him€in€the€teeth.€€That€way€he€couldnššt€talk€for€a€coupleĻof€weeks€and€Neil€wouldnššt€have€to€hear€about€wasting€an€opportunity€he€did€not€even€want.Ģą [ ąš šYou€just€going€to€stand€there€like€a€Ō_ŌwussŌ_Ō,€Neil?šš€he€asked,€smoothing€his€red,€satin€tieĻdown€his€front,€adjusting€the€tight€knot€at€his€neck.Ģą [ ąš šYeah,€Dad,šš€Neil€droned.€€š šI€donššt€wanna€fight€this€morning.€€For€some€reason€my€armsĻhurt.šš€€Neil€felt€like€spitting€in€his€fatherššs€face,€but€he€just€turned€and€walked€away.€€He€left€hisĻfather€standing€in€front€of€the€thirteen„inch€televison.€€Neil€climbed€the€stairs€€to€his€room€and€gotĻhis€Ō_ŌbookbagŌ_Ō.€€Without€his€normal€š šgood„byešš€or€š šsee€you€guys€later,šš€Neil€left€the€house.ĢĢą [ ąThree€weeks€passed.€€Mr.€Clark€stayed€on€his€sonššs€back,€telling€him€every€day€howĻimportant€good€training€is„„both€mental€and€physical.€€And€almost€every€day€Mr.€Clark€would€tellĻNeil€about€the€chances€he€had€to€become€an€Olympian€if€he€would€just€put€his€whole€heart€andĻsoul€into€his€running.€€By€this€time,€Neil€had€run€four€good€races€with€his€cross„country€team.€€OnĻthe€easiest€course,€a€wide,€winding€trail€through€a€tree€and€shrub€farm,€his€individual€time€wasĻ26:10;€this€was€a€new€personal€record€for€Neil€on€that€particular€course.€€His€father€was€proud.€ĻNeil€didnššt€care.Ģą [ ąThe€southern€Wisconsin€autumn€had€begun;€the€leaves€were€changing€along€the€dirt€trailĻNeil€frequently€chose€to€run€for€his€morning€exercise.€€Once€the€air€started€nipping€at€his€face,€heĻran€that€trail€more€often.€€The€explosion€of€colors€on€the€maples€and€oaks€was€not€the€onlyĻreason€Neil€liked€this€particular€place€to€run.€€The€dirt€pathway,€being€away€from€the€main€road,Ļwas€an€escape€from€his€father,€who€on€occasion€would€ride€his€bike€next€to€Neil€as€he€ran,€eggingĻhim€on,€pushing€him€to€be€better,€to€run€faster.€€Ģą [ ąNeil€deemed€this€winding€trail€through€the€woods€a€sort€of€refuge.€€A€place€where€heŠ ż+`'F Šcould€just€be€a€seventeen„year„old€boy€and€think€about€Meadow€Locke,€the€girl€who€was€alwaysĻsneaking€sideways€glances€at€him€in€the€cafeteria€and€during€Spanish€class.€€The€same€girl€whoĻmade€him€perspire€when€he€thought€of€holding€her€hand€and€kissing€her€long€neck.€€These€treesĻwere€an€undercover€refuge€where€he€could€walk,€touch€nature,€listen€to€his€heart,€curse€hisĻfather,€yell€at€his€mother€to€live€her€own€life.€€Think€about€a€future€that€did€not€include€runningĻcompetitively.€€Ģą [ ąNeil€came€to€a€standstill€one€morning,€his€warm€breath€visible€against€the€cool€air.€€HeĻturned€his€reddened€face€toward€the€pale€blue€sky,€freckled€with€small€white€clouds.€€And€heĻscreamed.€€As€loud€as€he€possibly€could.€€The€scream€began€deep€within€his€stomach,€slowlyĻmaking€its€way,€inch€by€inch,€to€his€lungs.€€Once€in€his€lungs,€the€scream€developed€its€mightyĻstrength.€€Having€gained€power,€it€started€to€ooze€up€Neilššs€trachea€like€lava,€past€his€vocal€cordsĻwhere€the€sound€was€added.€€The€high„pitched€noise€resounded€off€fallen€trees,€vibrant€leaves,Ļthe€trail€itself.€€Neil€stood,€his€mouth€open,€releasing€from€his€stomach,€lungs,€and€throat,€manyĻyears€of€frustration.€€And€fear.€€He€didnššt€want€to€be€scared€to€tell€his€father€that€he€didnššt€want€toĻrun.€€That€his€senior€year„„his€last€year€of€high€school„„was€no€time€to€run.€€Ģą [ ąAs€the€scream€stretched€itself€along€the€curvaceous€trail,€up€through€the€trees€and€intoĻthe€chilled€Wisconsin€air,€Neilššs€fists€were€clenched.€€His€throat€hurt.€€His€legs€throbbed.€€He€wasĻunaware€that€he€was€capable€of€such€a€scream.€€Ģą [ ąNeil€Clark€was€screaming€when€the€timid€Meadow€Locke€sprinted€up€behind€him.€€WhenĻshe€saw€Neil,€she€stopped€so€abruptly€that€her€no„traction€walking€shoes€slid€on€the€loose€dirt.€ĻAnd€she€kept€sliding,€right€into€his€rear€end.€€The€massive€scream€was€interrupted.Ģą [ ąš šWhat€the€hell!šš€Neil€yelled,€startled€that€someone€was€there;€even€more€startled€that€itĻwas€Meadow;€and€even€ņņmoreóó€startled€that€her€face€had€just€rammed€his€back„side.Š ]Ą, Šą [ ąMeadow€couldnššt€stand.€€She€had€slid€herself€into€a€split.€€Sweat€trickled€from€her€hairlineĻover€the€premature€crowššs€feet€at€the€corners€of€her€brown€eyes„„eyes€so€big€and€wide,€theyĻappeared€to€be€bulging.€€Meadow€Locke€was€wearing€a€zipped„up€gray€sweatshirt€with€a€hood.€ĻHer€pants€were€the€same€color€as€the€sweatshirt.Ģą [ ąš šUm...uh...I,šš€Meadow€stuttered.Ģą [ ąNeil€bent€down€behind€her€and€lifted€her€up€by€the€armpits.€€Then€he€wiped€the€dirt€fromĻher€knees.Ģą [ ąš šMeadow,šš€he€said,€€š šgood€to€see€you.ššĢą [ ąš šYes,€well,€I,€uh,šš€she€began,€rubbing€her€hands€together.€€š šI€guess€I€saw€a€little€too€muchĻof€you€this€morning,€huh?ššĢą [ ąNeil€laughed€aloud.€€He€whooped€and€hollered.Ģą [ ąš šSorry.€€But€Iššm€just€happy€right€now.ššĢą [ ąš šCan€I€ask€you€a€personal€question,€Neil?šš€Meadow€asked,€bending€down€to€tie€her€shoe.Š ,f'F Šą [ ąš šGo€for€it.ššĢą [ ąš šAre€you€okay?€€I€mean,€ššcause€you€were€like€screaming€your€head€off,šš€Meadow€panted.€Ļš šI€thought...that€you...were...I€donššt€know...like€getting€ņņkilledóó€or€something.šš€€She€stood€up€andŠ Ż@ Šstared€at€his€eyes,€so€clear.€€Her€breaths€were€heavy.€€š šOf€course,€I€didnššt€know€it€was€you...until€IĻgot€scared€to€death...and€started€running.šš€€Meadow€bent€over.€€She€grabbed€her€stomach.€€NeilĻwas€watching€her,€the€corners€of€his€mouth€raised€a€bit.€€š šDamn.€€I€havenššt€run€like€thatĻsince...uh...well,€it€donššt€matter€since€when,€does€it?ššĢą [ ąNeil€slowly€shook€his€head;€his€eyes€surveyed€her€flushed€face,€the€small€drop€of€snotĻjust€at€the€bottom€of€her€left€nostril.€€Her€lips€were€chapped.Ģą [ ąš šWell?šš€she€asked€as€if€sheššd€been€waiting€minutes€for€him€to€answer€the€question.€Ļš šWhat€the€hellššs€going€on?šš€€Meadow€pulled€her€sleeve€across€her€nose.€€Then€she€hocked€aĻŌ_ŌloogeyŌ_Ō€and€spat€into€the€underbrush.€€š šExcuse€me,€please,€for€my€unladylike€actions,€Mr.€Clark,ššĻshe€said€with€a€fine€British€accent.€€š šBut€the€air€here€in€the€forest€appears€to€be€a€bit€nippy€andĻhas€been€nip„nip„nipping€at€my€nose€for€some€time.€€One€must€do€what€one€must€to€maintainĻclear€passages€in€the€body.šš€€She€laughed,€but€continued.€€š šI€assume€it€is€safe€to€assume€that€youĻare€right€as€rain€on€this€fine€morning€and€that€you€just€stopped€for€a€tiny€break€to€let€looseĻwhatever€needed€freeing.šš€€Meadow€reached€out€and€touched€Neilššs€arm,€and€said€in€her€ownĻvoice,€š šAre€you€going€to€say€anything?ššĢą [ ąš šThat€was€great.ššĢą [ ąš šWhat?ššĢą [ ąš šYouššre€in€drama,€right?ššĢą [ ąš šSo?ššĢą [ ąš šThatššs€great,€thatššs€all.šš€€He€looked€at€his€feet,€then€back€to€her.€€š šI€donššt€have€time€to€doĻanything€but€run.€€All€the€time€running.€€It€sucks.šš€€Ģą [ ąNeil€kicked€a€small€stone€out€of€the€pathway.€€He€smiled€at€Meadow,€wondering€why€sheĻwas€on€the€trail,€thinking€that€he€should€kiss€her€right€there€in€the€woods€among€the€squirrels,Ļbirds,€spiders,€and€chipmunks.€€Neil€felt€close€to€Meadow,€somehow,€just€at€that€moment.€ĻStaring€into€her€bulging€brown€eyes€had€an€effect€on€him.€€Remembering€her€shy€looks€andĻinnocent€brushing€against€him€in€the€hallway.€€Neil€thought€of€her€often€as€he€lay€in€bed€at€night.€ĻAnd€here€she€was.€€Right€in€front€of€him.€€No€need€to€ask€her€why€because€he€already€knew.€€HeĻjust€figured€it€out.€€But€why€not€ask€her€anyway?Ģą [ ąš šWhat€are€you€doing€out€here€at€six„thirty€in€the€morning?šš€€He€closed€his€mouth€andĻfolded€his€arms€across€his€chest.€€Then€quickly€put€his€arms€at€his€sides,€not€wanting€to€mimic€hisĻfatherššs€habit.€€š šBy€yourself?ššĢą [ ąš šRunning,šš€she€blurted.€€š šJust€like€you.ššĢą [ ąš šYou€always€run€in€walking€shoes?ššŠ ,f'F Šą [ ąš šOh,€like€I€could€afford€those€high„tech€boats€on€your€feet,€right?ššĢą [ ąš šDonššt€get€offended,€I€just„„ššĢą [ ąš šSave€it,€Clark.€€Really.ššą0 » ąą0»;#»;#ąą0k;#;#ąą0Ćk;#k;#ąą0Ć;#Ć;#ąą0s;#;#ąą0Ė s;#s;#ąą0##Ė ;#Ė ;#ąŠŻ@##;###;# Šą [ ąņņWell,€that€back„firedóó,€he€thought.€€ņņNice€move,€Neil,€you€idiot.€€Fix€it,€fix€it.€€FIX€IT!óóŠ ż` Šą [ ąš šYou€can€have€ššem€if€you€want€ššem.€€Be€my€guest.šš€Neil€lowered€his€tall€frame€to€the€dirtĻand€began€unlacing€his€shoes.€Ģą [ ąš šWhat?€€No...what€are...ššĢą [ ąNeil€laughed.€€He€stretched€his€legs€out€in€front€of€him,€leaned€back€on€his€hands.€ĻMotioned€for€Meadow€to€have€a€seat.€€So€she€did.€€They€sat€and€looked€at€each€other,€theĻground,€the€sky,€each€other,€the€trees,€a€bird€here€and€there,€each€other,€for€quite€some€time.Ģą [ ąš šWhy€you€want€to€get€rid€of€your€shoes,€Neil?ššĢą [ ąš šWhy€havenššt€you€talked€to€me€before€this?šš€he€asked,€ignoring€her€question€andĻchanging€the€subject.€€š šExcept€for,€hi,€or€something€like€that?ššĢą [ ąAgain,€Meadow€stuttered€and€stammered€her€way€through€many€incomplete€thoughts.€ĻShe€finally€admitted€that€she€was€attracted€to€him€and€scared€to€death€to€do€anything€about€itĻbecause€he€ņņwasóó€Neil€Clark.Š ƒę Šą [ ąš šSo€what?šš€he€said.€€š šWhatššs€that€mean?ššĢą [ ąš šYouššre€all€popular€and€stuff€ššcause€youššre€a€runner€and€really€Ō_ŌreallyŌ_Ō€good€at€it€and€lots€ofĻgirls€talk€to€you€and€you€talk€to€them€all€the€time€so€I€never€thought€that€youššd€even€give€me€aĻsecond€glance€but€Ō_ŌthereššveŌ_Ō€been€times€when€you€have€but€I€wasnššt€sure€if€you€were€being€nice€orĻif€you€were€even€looking€at€me€in€the€first€place€so€I€knew€that€you€ran€through€here€sometimesĻand€I€thought€that€Iššd€kinda€pick€up€the€habit€and€get€my€blood€pumping€and€maybe€run€into€youĻrunning€and€just€see€what€happened.ššĢą [ ąWhen€Meadow€finished€this€speech,€Neilššs€mouth€was€hanging€open€and€he€wasĻconcentrating€really€hard.€€Her€words€pummeled€his€ears€so€quickly€that€he€had€troubleĻunderstanding€everything€she€had€said.€€But,€he€understood€enough€to€know€that€she€had€justĻpoured€out€a€whole€lot€of€emotion.Ģą [ ąš šHow€ššbout€we€go€out€this€weekend?šš€he€said,€getting€to€his€feet.€€Then€he€stuck€his€handĻout€to€help€Meadow€stand.Ģą [ ąš šGreat.šš€€Ģą [ ąWith€her€hand€still€in€his,€Neil€moved€toward€Meadow.€€Her€eyes€darted€away€from€his,Ļthen€found€his€gaze€again.€€Neil€couldnššt€help€but€stare€at€her.€€Her€lips€were€thin€and€chapped,Ļparted€enough€so€her€teeth€showed.€€Then€he€leaned€down€and€kissed€her.€€The€kiss€was€sweatyĻand€dirty.€€But€it€was€theirs.€€Meadow€pulled€away,€looked€at€Neilššs€face.€€He€was€smiling.€€HeĻwrapped€his€arms€around€her€and€pressed€her€face€to€his€chest.€€Neil€gently€tugged€on€MeadowššsĻthin,€brown€pony€tail.€€She€looked€so€different€with€her€hair€pulled€back€away€from€her€face.€€HisŠ  ,l'F Šheart€was€rattling€his€rib€cage.€€Then€he€kissed€her€again.€€And€again.€€Neil€didnššt€want€to€let€go.Ģą [ ąš šWhat€do€you€like€to€do€when€youššre€not€studying€or€running?šš€Meadow€asked.Ģą [ ąš šI€like€to€build€model€airplanes€with€my€brother.ššĢą [ ąš šYou€into€video€games€at€all?šš€she€asked,€pulling€away€from€him.Ģą [ ąš šNah.€€Canššt€stand€them.€€I€think€theyššre€a€waste€of€time€and€money.ššĢą [ ąš šSo€I€guess€going€to€the€arcade€Friday€night€isnššt€a€good€plan,šš€she€said.Ģą [ ąš šWell,€theyššve€got€air„hockey€at€the€arcade,€right?ššĢą [ ąš šI€think€so.ššĢą [ ąš šThatššs€settled,€then,šš€Neil€told€her.€€š šIššll€swing€by€to€pick€you€up€around€six.€Weššll€head€toĻthe€arcade€before€it€gets€too€crowded,€I€can€beat€you€at€air„hockey€and€watch€you€play€otherĻstuff,€then€we€can€get€some€ice„cream€or€something.ššĢą [ ąMeadow€hugged€Neil€tightly€and€agreed€to€the€plan„„all€except€the€beating€her€at€air„¼hockey€part.ĢĢą [ ąAnother€three€weeks€passed.€€Neil€and€his€team€had€won€the€majority€of€their€cross„¼country€races€and€the€season€was€closing€in€on€its€end.€€Just€two€more€races€before€the€countyĻcompetition€where€the€state€entries€would€be€chosen.€€Neilššs€time€on€the€toughest€course€of€theĻseason,€Redding€Highššs€course€that€had€forty„five€degree€angle€slopes,€rocks,€sand,€and€twoĻswinging€bridges,€was€a€disappointing€29:54.€€When€his€father€learned€his€time,€he€pulled€his€sonĻinto€the€living€room€again.Ģą [ ąš šFrederick,€really,šš€Mrs.€Clark€called€to€her€husband€as€he€pulled€Neil€behind€him.Ļš šDinnerššs€almost€ready€and€Ben€needs„„ššĢą [ ąš šYou€help€Ben,€Meredith,šš€Mr.€Clark€said€wildly.€€š šYou€help€your€baby€boy,€Meredith.€€BigĻboy€and€I€have€some€sparring€to€do.ššĢą [ ąMany€weeks€had€gone€by€since€father€and€son€were€face„to„face€like€they€were.€€But,Ļagain,€Neil€stood€still,€except€to€block€a€right€hook€his€father€was€throwing€at€him.€€The€punches,Ļa€bit€harder€than€the€last€bunch,€landed€all€over€Neilššs€upper€body.Ģą [ ąš šPut€your€hands€up,€son,šš€his€father€coached.€€š šI€can€get€a€good€shot€at€your€nose€if€youĻkeep€your€hands€down.ššĢą [ ąMr.€Clark,€noticing€his€sonššs€lack€of€enthusiasm,€stopped€prancing€around.€€His€handsĻdropped€to€his€sides,€then€immediately€he€folded€his€arms€across€his€chest.Ģą [ ąš šSit€down,€Neil.ššĢą [ ąNeil€sat€down€on€the€black€leather€couch.€€In€front€of€his€shins€was€a€glass€top€coffeeĻtable€that€had€not€one€nick€on€it.€€Neil€could€see€his€fatherššs€reflection€in€the€glass.€€He€imaginedĻslamming€his€fatherššs€head€through€the€tableššs€top,€seeing€the€blood€splatter€all€over€the€freshlyĻpainted€walls€and€recently€vacuumed€carpet.Š ż+`'F Šą [ ąš šI€donššt€like€what€Iššm€seeing€here,€Neil,šš€his€father€told€him.€€š šNow,€tell€me.€€Whatššs€goingĻon€with€you?ššĢą [ ąNeil€shrugged.€€š šNothing,€Dad.ššĢą [ ąš šI€got€a€call€from€your€Spanish€teacher€yesterday€afternoon.€€In€my€chambers.ššĢą [ ąNeil€looked€at€his€father€without€turning€his€head.€€Could€feel€the€sweat€beads€forming€onĻhis€back.€€He€knew€what€his€father€was€going€to€say.€€What€happened€in€Spanish€was€part€of€theĻplan€Neil€Clark€hoped€would€get€him€out€of€running.Ģą [ ąą ³ ąą  ąą c ąą » ą/ą0  ą/ą0k;#;#ą/Š} ąk;#k;# Šą [ ąš šWhatššs€up?šš€Meadow€asked€Neil,€her€now€kind€of€boyfriend,€one€week€before€the€after„¼race€sparring€match€in€the€Clark€living€room.Ģą [ ąš šI€need€to€talk€to€you,šš€he€said.€€š šCan€you€meet€me€in€the€woods€right€after€school?ššĢą [ ąš šHow?šš€she€asked,€squeezing€her€books€in€her€arms.€€š šYouššve€got€practice.ššĢą [ ąš šIššm€not€going.ššĢą [ ąš šBeg€pardon?šš€€Her€eyes€were€wide€and€she€was€nibbling€on€a€cracker.Ģą [ ąNeil€bent€down€so€he€could€whisper.€€š šIššm€ditching.€€Meet€me€where€we€had€that€first€kiss,Ļokay?ššĢą [ ąRight€after€school,€as€planned,€Neil€laced€up€his€running€shoes€and€jogged€to€the€dirt€trailĻnear€his€house.€€The€run€was€approximately€two€miles.€€When€he€arrived,€Meadow€was€alreadyĻthere€because€she€always€rode€her€bike€to€school„„rain,€snow,€sun,€whatever„„Meadow€was€onĻher€bike,€a€very€old€and€rusty€ten„speed€that€she€salvaged€from€a€Ō_ŌdumpsterŌ_Ō€at€the€hardware€storeĻwhere€she€worked.€€Neil€immediately€pulled€her€to€him€and€kissed€her,€very€passionately,€veryĻsweatily,€and€for€a€very€long€time.€€There€was€something€burning€inside€of€him.€€He€could€feel€theĻlava€churning€in€his€stomach€and€making€its€way€up.€€Neil€hugged€Meadow€tightly.€€Kissed€herĻneck.€€Panted€in€her€ear.€€Traced€her€healthy€figure€with€his€quivering€hands.€€€€ą s ąŠ }ą. Šą [ ąMeadow€pulled€his€face€toward€hers.€€More€kissing€and€groping.€€Her€hands€pulled€at€hisĻbutton€fly,€each€button€easily€disengaging.€€Meadow€reached€around€Neil€and€she€stuck€her€handĻdown€the€back€of€his€pants.€€She€felt€his€butt€tighten,€moved€her€hand€along€the€waistband€of€hisĻboxers.€€But€Neil€pulled€away€from€her€before€anything€really€happened.Ģą [ ąHe€whispered€in€her€ear,€š šAnother€time.ššĢą [ ąSome€minutes€later,€the€two€of€them€sat€on€a€rotting€log.€€Staring€at€each€otherššs€feet.€ĻPlaying€with€their€fingers.€€Through€his€head€bounced€thoughts€of€what€Meadow€had€wanted€toĻdo.€€ņņóóAnd€Neilššs€confused€mind€wanted€to€tell€her€everything€he€was€thinking;€he€had€to€tellŠ }'ą"> Šsomeone€about€his€plans.€€Plus,€Meadow€really€knew€nothing€about€the€Clark€family.Ģą [ ąš šI€donššt€wanna€run€anymore.šš€€Ģą [ ąNeil€was€holding€Meadowššs€hand.€€She€turned€to€look€at€the€side€of€his€face.Ģą [ ąš šWhat?€€Youššre€not€serious,€Neil.€€Are€you€ņņseriousóó,€serious?ššŠ ż+`'F Šą [ ąNeil€simply€nodded€at€all€of€her€questions.€€Ģą [ ąš šYouššre€like€the€powerhouse€runner€of€the€whole€damn€school,€Neil.€€And...you€want€toĻquit?€€I€donššt€believe€it.ššĢą [ ąš šYou€sound€like€my€father€a€little.ššĢą [ ąThere€was€an€extended€silence.€€Meadow€wasnššt€sure€what€to€say€and€Neil€wanted€to€sayĻtoo€much.€€He€wanted€to€spill€out€to€her,€as€sheššd€done€to€him€weeks€earlier,€though€for€muchĻdifferent€reasons,€the€anger€and€resentment€he€held€toward€his€father.€€But€he€felt€restrained.€€ItĻwouldnššt€be€fair€to€lay€all€of€that€on€her€right€there€in€the€woods.Ģą [ ąš šItššs€my€father,šš€he€finally€said.€€š šHeššs€all€the€time€on€my€back.€€ņņóóIššve€done€nothing€but€runŠ   Šfor€three€years.€€Working€on€my€fourth.šš€€Neil€flashed€four€fingers€in€Meadowššs€face€andĻsqueezed€her€hand.€€š šSo,€I€have€a€plan.€€Aw,€donššt€look€at€me€like€that.€€You€donššt€know€what€itššsĻlike€to€listen€to€Frederick€Clark€bust€your€chops,€wake€you€up€every€damn€day€to€go€doĻsomething€that€you€lost€interest€in€last€summer.ššĢą [ ąš šCanššt€you€talk€to€ššim?ššĢą [ ąš šAnd€get€my€head€knocked€off?€€No€thanks.€€So€Iššm€gonna€fail€some€tests,€not€do€someĻhomework,€to€lower€my€average.ššĢą [ ąš šWonššt€work,€Neil,šš€Meadow€challenged.€€š šYour€grades€are€too€high.€€A€few€assignmentsĻand€tests€wonššt€lower€your€average€enough€to€make€you€ineligible.€€Should€of€thought€about€thatĻmonths€ago.šš€€She€performed€an€exaggerated€shrug.€€š šPlus,€Ō_ŌNeilyŌ_Ō„boy,€you€need€the€firstĻsemesterššs€grades€for€any€scholarships.€€Whereššs€your€brain?ššĢą [ ąNeil€looked€forlorn.€€The€muscles€in€his€face€tensed€as€he€ground€his€molars.€€He€knewĻshe€was€right.€€But€he€could€fail€some€anyway€to€see€what€was€more€important€to€his€father„„¼running€or€grades.Ģą [ ąš šHereššs€an€idea,€Neil,šš€Meadow€said.€€š šJust€donššt€run€as€hard€as€usual.ššĢą [ ąHe€shook€his€head.€€š šŌ_ŌThatššdŌ_Ō€hurt€the€whole€team,€not€just€me.€€Good€thought,€though.ššĢą [ ąNeil€touched€the€light€whiskers€on€his€chin,€rubbed€an€eyelash€out€of€his€eye,€Ō_ŌsmooshedŌ_ŌĻsome€ants€scurrying€about.Ģą [ ąš šKick€my€knee€really€hard!šš€he€blurted.€€š šKick€the€Ō_ŌcrapŌ_Ō€out€it.ššĢą [ ąš šNo,€I€will€not,šš€Meadow€said€with€resolve.€€š šThat€donššt€make€sense,€Neil.ššĢą [ ąš šWhy€do€you€say€ššdonšštšš€like€that€when€you€know€itššs€not€correct?ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌJistŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌcuzŌ_Ō€I€Ō_ŌwuntaŌ_Ō.€Kay€Ō_ŌwifŌ_Ō€you,€mack?šš€the€drama€student€said€as€if€she€were€drunk.Ģą [ ąNeil€clapped€his€hands€together.€€š šWhat€else€can€I€think€of,€then?ššĢą [ ąš šOh,€my€God,€Neil,šš€Meadow€began,€sounding€like€a€valley€girl.€€š šLike,€hereššs€the€like€bestĻidea€of€all,€okay.šš€€She€was€excited.€€š šOkay,€okay,€like€ņņtalk€to€himóó.šš€€These€last€three€words€wereŠ ½) %B Šin€her€regular€voice€and€very€serious.€€š šMaybe€heššll€like€listen,€Ō_ŌyaŌ_Ō€know?ššĢą [ ąš šI€wanna€join€yearbook€and€work€in€the€schoolššs€greenhouse,šš€he€said,€š šbut€I€canšštŠ ,f'F Šbecause€of€running.€€Maybe€do€some€volunteer€work.€€He€wants€me€to€get€to€the€Olympics,ĻMeadow.€€ņņóóItššs€all€for€ņņhimóó„„not€ņņmeóó.€€Thereššs€no€time€to€run€this€year€and€do€everything€else.šš€€Š ½  Šą [ ąTears€fell€from€his€ice„blue€eyes€to€the€dirt.€€Meadow€rubbed€his€back.€€Ģą [ ąš šI€just€want€to€enjoy€my€last€year€of€high€school.šš€€He€stood€up€and€walked€in€a€big€circleĻwith€his€hands€dug€deep€into€his€jeans€pockets.€€š šI€wanna€hang€out€with€ņņyouóó€after€school„„not€aŠ # † Šbunch€of€sweaty€guys€competing€for€first€place.ššĢą [ ąą ³ ąą  ąą c ąą » ą/ą0  ą/ą0k;#;#ą/Ši Ģ k;#k;# Šą [ ąš šWhat€did€ņņla€Ō_ŌmaestraŌ_Ōóó€say?šš€Neil€asked,€looking€at€his€father.€€For€the€first€time,€heŠ ‰ ģ Šnoticed€the€small€patches€of€silver€just€above€his€fatherššs€ears.Ģą [ ąš šThat€you€failed€a€major€test€she€knows€you€were€prepared€for.€€What€say€you€about€that,ĻMr.€Neil€Nicolas€Clark?šš€€His€father,€the€judge,€glared€at€him.Ģą [ ąš šI€know?ššĢą [ ąš šI€ņņknowóó,€you€know,€Neil.€€I€want€to€know€ņņwhyóó€you€failed€a€test€your€teacher€says€you€wereŠ /’  Šcompletely€prepared€to€take.€€Better€yet,€why€did€you€fail€at€all?šš€€Mr.€Clark€sat€on€the€edge€of€hisĻrecliner.€€š šŌ_ŌClarksŌ_Ō€donššt€fail.€€You€know€that.ššĢą [ ąš šI€failed.€€So€what?€€Iššm€still€almost€top€in€the€class.ššĢą [ ąš šSo€ņņwhatóó?šš€his€father€repeated,€squeezing€his€knees€with€his€hands.€€š šDid€you€just€say,Š µ  ŠššSo€what?šš€to€me?€€Are€you€on€drugs,€son?€€You€donššt€make€sense.šš€Ģą [ ąLava.€€Lungs.€€Sound!Ģą [ ąš šI€donššt€wanna€run€anymore,šš€Neil€said,€staring€at€his€fatherššs€reflection€in€the€glass€by€hisĻshins.€€š šņņThatššsóó€why€I€failed.šš€€His€voice€was€getting€louder.€€Then€even€louder€he€said,€š šIššm€notŠ ;ž( Šrunning€track€in€the€spring,€Dad.€€After€this€season,€Iššm€finished.€€Done.€€No€more€run„„ššĢą [ ąš šStop!šš€Mr.€Clark€yelled.€€He€stood€up.€€š šI€think€youššve€lost€your€doggone€mind,€Neil.€€DidĻI€just€hear€you€correctly!€€Are€you€telling€me...your€father...that€you€are€ņņnot€óórunning€in€the€spring?€Š ”. ŠIs€that€it?ššĢą [ ąAs€his€father€spoke,€Neilššs€heart€gained€momentum€till€he€was€sure€it€would€explode.€€HisĻback€began€sweating,€his€hands€shaking.€€But€the€lava€was€there.€€Red€and€black.€€Boiling.Ģą [ ą€š šThatššs€what€I€said.šš€€Neil€stood€up.€€Stood€tall.€€š šLike€this€picture€here,€of€me€on€theĻmonkey€bars.€€Look€at€how€happy€I€was.€€I€could€just€play€and€explore.€€Thatššs€what€I€want€now!šš€ĻNeilššs€hands€were€ready€to€block.€€He€backed€away€from€the€leather€couch€and€glass€table,€neverĻtaking€his€eyes€from€his€fatherššs„„reflections€of€his€own.€€š šIššm€ņņsickóó€of€running€and€wanna€doŠ ‡&ź!< Šsomething€ņņelseóó€for€a€change!€€Lead€my€ņņownóó€life€and€ņņnotóó€the€one€ņņyouóó€want€me€to€have.šš€Š ­'#> Šą [ ąAlthough€his€legs€were€weakening,€Neil€kept€his€footing.€€Mr.€Clark€walked€toward€him,Ļslowly.€€Neil€remained€still.€€Wondering€what€would€happen€next.€€ņņSweep€his€legs€and€smash€hisŠ ó)V%B Šface€into€the€table,óó€he€maliciously€thoughtņņ.€€Let€him€know€I€mean€what€Iššm€saying.óóŠ +|&D Šą [ ąš šTell€me€again€what€youššre€going€to€do,šš€Mr.€Clark€spat,€š šand€you€ņņbetteróó€say€that€you€wereŠ ?,¢'F Šout€of€your€mind€just€then€and€that€ņņof€courseóó€youššll€be€running€track€in€the€spring€and€for€whateverŠ  Šschool€wants€you€in€the€fall.ššĢą [ ąWithout€hesitating,€Neil€spoke€up.€€š šI„am„not„run„Ō_ŌningŌ_Ō„in„the„spring.€€In€fact,€Iššm€hangingĻup€my€shoes€after€this€season...for€ņņgood,óó€Dad.€€Iššll€stay€active€with€school€activities,€but€no€moreŠ f Šrunning.šš€€Ģą [ ąNeil€felt€relieved€to€have€finally€stood€up€for€himself.€€Even€though€he€was€scared€of€whatĻwould€come€next,€at€least€his€father€now€knew€his€feelings.€€He€had€finally€looked€his€father€in€theĻeye€and€told€him€what€he€was€thinking.€€A€new€feeling€of€confidence€spread€through€Neilššs€bodyĻand€he€unclenched€his€fists.€€Relaxation.€€An€unconscious€smile€appeared€on€Neilššs€face.€ĻSeconds€later,€he€was€lying€on€the€floor,€face€down,€with€his€warm€blood€€leaking€from€his€upperĻlip€and€nose.€€Blackness.Ģą [ ąĢą [ ąFour€days€passed.€€Neil€was€alone€in€the€kitchen,€working€on€geometry,€when€his€fatherĻcame€home.€€Heššd€left€just€after€punching€his€son€in€the€face.€€The€swelling€in€Neilššs€nose€hadĻsubsided,€but€his€lip€still€had€two€stitches€inside€of€it,€which€made€eating€and€talking€difficult.€€Mr.ĻClark€went€immediately€upstairs€to€his€bedroom.€€The€doorbell€rang€soon€afterwards.Ģą [ ąš šHey,šš€Neil€said€as€he€opened€the€door.Ģą [ ąš šŌ_ŌOhmygoshŌ_Ō,€Neil,šš€Meadow€groaned.€€š šYouššre€really€hurt.ššĢą [ ąš šDid€you€think€I€was€lying?šš€he€said€with€minimal€lip€movement.€€š šWhere€were€you€today,Ļanyway?ššĢą [ ąš šI€went€into€the€city€with€my€mom€to€look€at€schools.ššĢą [ ąMeadow€looked€at€her€boyfriend€with€her€eyes€bulging€more€than€usual.€€She€stoodĻlooking€at€his€face,€battered€and€sore,€shaking€her€head€with€her€left€hand€covering€her€mouth.€ĻThen€she€moved€to€him€and€kissed€his€cheek.Ģą [ ąš šDonššt€make€me€smile,€please.€€It€hurts.ššĢą [ ąBoth€Meadow€and€Neilššs€attention€was€turned€to€the€staircase.€€Mr.€Clark€was€halfwayĻdown€the€flight€of€hardwood€stairs.Ģą [ ąš šYoung€lady,šš€he€said,€almost€cordially.€€š šIššd€like€to€speak€with€Neil€alone.ššĢą [ ąMeadow€nodded€her€understanding;€Neilššs€brows€furrowed€with€disappointment€and€a€bitĻof€anger.€€He€was€just€about€to€tell€his€father€that€he€wanted€Meadow€to€stay€when€his€fatherĻsurprised€him€by€what€he€said€next.Ģą [ ąš šBut€if€youššll€come€back€in€an€hour,€Iššd€like€to€invite€you€to€dinner.ššĢą [ ąMeadow€looked€at€Neil,€who€looked€at€his€father.€€Then€Neil€winked€at€Meadow.€€SheĻsaid€that€sheššd€be€back€in€an€hour€for€dinner€and€that€she€appreciated€the€invitation.Ģą [ ąMr.€Clark€gestured€toward€the€living€room.€€There€was€something€different€about€the€wayĻhe€was€carrying€himself;€he€was€more€fluid„like€than€his€normal€rigid€self.€€Observing€this,€NeilŠ  ,l'F Šdrew€in€a€deep€breath€and€exhaled,€thinking€that€everything€would€be€fine.€€He€sat€on€the€blackĻleather€couch€and€his€father€took€his€usual€seat€on€the€matching€recliner.€€Father€and€son€satĻquietly€for€more€than€two€minutes.€€Neil€felt€somehow€bigger,€as€if€he€had€won€the€gold€medal€hisĻfather€wanted€him€to€win.€€The€tension€was€no€longer€existent.€€Dormancy.Ģą [ ąš šThese€past€four€days€have€been€hell€on€me,€Neil,€as€Iššm€sure€theyššve€been€on€you.€€AndĻnow€Iššve€got€to€tell€you€how€sorry€I€am€for€hurting€you.šš€€Mr.€Clark€continuously€laced€and€unlacedĻhis€fingers.€€š šI€realized€two€early€mornings€ago,šš€he€said,€š šthe€kind€of€man€Iššve€become,€son.€€YouĻhave€made€me€so€proud€since€junior€high€with€your€accolades€and€perseverence.€€But€now€IĻrealize€that€Ō_ŌthatŌ_Ō€dedication€was€not€your€own.€€I€mean,€for€ņņyouóó€specifically.šš€€Mr.€Clarkššs€voice€wasŠ   Šlow,€just€above€a€whisper.€€And€instead€of€sitting€up€straight€and€rigid,€he€was€slouched€back€onĻthe€cushiony€chair.Ģą [ ąš šDad,€it€wasnššt€till€the€summer,šš€Neil€said€carefully,€trying€not€to€move€his€lips€too€much,Ļš šthat€I€decided€I€didnššt€wanna€run€anymore.€€You€kept€pushing.šš€€Tears€came€to€Neilššs€eyes.€€š šIššveĻrun€for€three€years€for€ņņthisóó€school,€two€years€for€the€junior€high,€and€have€enjoyed€nothing€else.€Š C¦ ŠNo€time€to€just€hang€out,€or€get€a€job,€or€try€something€different.€€Iššd€like€to€work€on€theĻyearbook.šš€€Neil€touched€the€tip€of€his€tongue€to€the€stitches€in€his€upper€lip.€€š šThis€is€my€lastĻyear,€Dad.€€Iššve€had€enough€of€running€in€competitions.šš€€Neil€folded€his€hands€together.€Ģą [ ąHis€fatherššs€mouth€crinkled€into€a€slight€smile.€€He€got€up€and€walked€to€the€couch,€satĻbeside€his€son.Ģą [ ąš šThere€is€no€excuse€for€what€I€did.šš€€Mr.€Clark,€unlike€his€son,€was€fighting€the€tears€tryingĻto€fall€from€his€clear€eyes.€€His€clean„shaven€chin€quivered.€€š šFor€the€past€four€days,€Iššve€thoughtĻof€nothing€but€what€youššve€been€feeling€and€how€scared€you€were€to€tell€me€because€of€exactlyĻwhat€happened.€€We€arenššt€as€different€as€you€may€think.€€Your€grandad€was€a€professionalĻboxer€for€twelve€years.€€Imagine€what€I€went€through.šš€€Mr.€Clark€paused€momentarily.€€š šBut,€youĻarenššt€me.€€And€you€have€your€own€life€to€live.€€So...Iššm€truly€sorry,€Neil,€and€Iššll€beg€for€yourĻforgiveness€if€I€have€to.ššĢą [ ąThe€thought€of€seeing€his€father€beg€was€enticing,€but€Neil€had€already€forgiven€him.€€HeĻput€his€hand€on€his€fatherššs€knee,€no€longer€wanting€to€smash€his€face€into€the€glass€table.€€TheĻanger€he€felt€just€days€earlier€subsided€with€the€pain€in€his€swollen€nose.€€And€now€Neil€knew,Ļbecause€of€what€his€father€told€him,€and€because€of€the€punch,€that€his€relationship€with€hisĻfather€would€never€be€like€it€was€before.€€With€the€new€understanding€between€them,€it€would€itĻbe€better.Ģą [ ąš šIn€the€spring,šš€Neil€said€with€a€twinge€of€excitement,€š šwe€can€build€that€shed€youššve€beenĻwanting€to€build.€€We€can€work€on€it€after€dinner.€€And€Ben€can€help,€too.šš€€Neil€slapped€his€dadššsĻknee.€€š šDonššt€worry,€though.€€Iššll€have€enough€money€from€academic€scholarships€to€pay€for€myĻfirst€two€years€of€school„„at€least.ššŠ  ,l'F Šą [ ąš šIššm€not€worried,šš€he€said.€€š šIššm€proud.šš€€Ģą [ ąThis€time,€Neil€cared€that€his€father€was€proud€of€him.€€Then€Mr.€Clark€did€something€heĻhadnššt€done€for€many€months.€€He€reached€out€and€hugged€his€son,€tightly.€€Gave€him€little€patsĻon€his€back.€€Ģą [ ąWhen€Frederick€Clark€pulled€away€from€his€son,€he€said,€š šNow,€tell€me€about€the€youngĻlady€I€invited€to€dinner.šš€€Ō#† X]Xõ ō=,Aė#ŌŌ‡ ō=,õX X]ŌŠ =    ŠÓ€ÓŌ#† X]Xõ ō=,K€#ŌĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢŠ ”+'/ ŠÓ€€ÓÓ€ÓĢĢĢĢĢńŗńÓ€ÓńŗńńŗńÓ€ÓńŗńÓ  ÓńŗńÓ€ÓńŗńńŗńÓ€ÓńŗńŌ_ŌAinšštŌ_Ō€Gonna€CryŌ‡X <XX X]ŌŠ 9 œ ŠŌ#† X]XXX <ρ#ŌÓYÓń¬ńŌ‡ ōŻoõX X²5Ōń¬ńńŗńÓ3³ÓÓ3³Óńŗńń¬ńŌ#† X²5Xõ ōŻošˆ#Ōń¬ńĢĢĢĢĢńŗńÓ3³v‚ÓńŗńĢŌ‡ ō=,õX X]Ōą [ ąGraduating€from€high€school€can€be€a€right€tough€thing€for€friends€thatššs€been€friends€forŠ Rµ  Šyears€and€years.€€So,€every€year,€seven€days€before€graduation,€the€Senior€Co„ed€VolleyballĻTournament€is€held€in€the€sand€pits€of€Glass€High€School,€which€is€in€a€right€small€town€in€NorthĻCarolina.€€(Iššm€head€janitor€at€the€school€and€I€prepare€those€pits€myself€so€itššs€done€proper.)€ĻThis€hereššs€a€tradition€for€the€school€that€has€been€for€the€past€twelve€years,€except€the€year€aĻtornado€was€responsible€for€the€cancellation€of€the€event,€and€that€other€year€Herman€MillstoneĻlet€loose€all€his€cattle€on€the€schoolššs€property€to€graze€and€all€those€animals€got€poops€all€overĻand€made€the€place€smell€something€awful.€€Course,€each€team€of€six€must€be€made€up€of€threeĻstags€and€three€does,€or,€if€you€prefer,€roosters€and€hens,€or€even€bulls€and€heifers,€if€that€ticklesĻyour€big€toe...it€donššt€matter.€€The€co„ed€tournament,€part€of€Senior€Week€festivities,€is€alwaysĻthe€last€event,€taking€place€on€Saturday,€usually€earning€the€school€a€load€of€cash€on€hot€dogs,Ļslaw,€hush€puppies,€and€deer€steak€stew.Ģą [ ąSo,€this€story€picks€up€not€too€long€ago€in€the€school€cafeteria€after€the€tournament€thatĻwent€off€without€a€hitch.€€€Lots€of€ladies€was€there€wearing€big€bonnets€to€keep€the€sun€off€theirĻmilky€white€skin.€€Course,€they€was€also€wearing€dresses€without€sleeves,€so€that€donššt€make€noĻsense.€€Any€hoot,€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō,€Bliss,€Troy,€and€Nathan€made€up€four€of€the€six€on€their€volleyballĻteam.€€The€other€two€was€Jill€and€Ross,€but€they€always€high„tailed€their€tails€into€a€cozy€cornerĻduring€lunchtime€so€they€could€talk€sweet€nonsense€and€such€as€that.Ģą [ ąš šThat€was€some€Ō_ŌtournššmentŌ_Ō,€wonššt€it?šš€said€Troy€to€the€rest€of€the€group,€plopping€the€restĻof€his€burger€into€his€big€fat€mouth.€€A€nice€glob€of€mustard€stuck€to€his€bottom€lip.€€There€wasĻalready€some€ketchup€sprinkles€on€his€gray€Ō_ŌDuckheadŌ_Ō€polo.Ģą [ ąš šWipe€your€mouth,šš€screeched€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō,€almost€choking€on€the€swig€of€orange€juice€sheššdĻjust€swigged.€€š šWhereššs€your€manners?šš€€She€furrowed€her€thick€brown€eyebrows€at€him€like€sheŠ V,¹'9 Šwas€a€disappointed€mama.€€š šAlways€the€same€thing.€€You€eat€a€burger,€get€ketchup€or€mustardĻall€over,€then€you€donššt€have€a€clue€itššs€on€your€face.šš€€All€the€while€she€was€talking,€she€used€€herĻhands€to€get€her€point€across.€€Pointing€at€her€lips€and€cheeks,€that€sort€of€thing.€Ģą [ ąš šThatššs€his€way€of€flirting,€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō,šš€said€Nathan.€€š šIsnššt€that€right,€Troy?ššĢą [ ąš šFor€crying€out€loud,€leave€him€alone,€Ō_ŌyaššllŌ_Ō,šš€Bliss€told€them,€slapping€Nathanššs€arm€andĻsitting€back€in€her€chair.Ģą [ ąš šWhy€do€you€always€come€to€his€defense?šš€asked€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō.Ģą [ ąš šI€donššt,šš€Bliss€replied,€paying€lots€of€attention€to€the€light€little€hairs€on€her€wrist.€€Ģą [ ąš šYeah.€€Right,šš€laughed€Nathan.€€He€put€the€rest€of€his€ham€and€cheese€sub€in€his€mouth,Ļthen€wiped€his€lips€with€a€napkin€he€crumpled€up€and€threw€on€the€table.Ģą [ ąš šReally?šš€Bliss€said,€crossing€her€arms€in€front€of€her,€looking€at€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€like€she€just€stoleĻthe€last€of€the€peach€cobbler.€€In€all€actuality,€Bliss€was€only€trying€to€help€Troy€and€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€along.€€ĻPlus,€Troy€and€Bliss€was€second€cousins€on€their€mamasšš€sides.€€The€only€physical€similaritiesĻbetween€them€two€was€their€wide€mouths€and€dark„Ō_ŌblondishŌ_Ō€kind€of€hair€color.Ģą [ ąTroy€looked€at€his€friends€and€kept€shoveling€bloody„looking€tater€strips€into€his€mouth.€ĻTroy€was€a€big€boy.€€Full€of€muscles.€€Extra„wide€shouldered.€€And€I€thought€he€done€pretty€goodŠ -,'2 Šin€that€tournament.€€He€racked€up€five€aces,€twelve€hits,€and€eight€blocks.€€Course,€Troy€couldnšštĻdig€the€ball€to€save€his€life€or€anyone€elseššs.€€Just€not€that€quick.€€Ģą [ ąNathan,€on€the€other€hand,€was€quite€the€opposite€of€Troy.€€Tall€like€Troy,€but€nowhereĻnear€as€hefty.€€As€a€matter€of€fact,€folks€called€Nathan€a€bean€pole,€though,€none€of€them€knewĻwhat€in€Ō_ŌtarnationŌ_Ō€a€bean€pole€was.€€Probably€still€donššt.€€Might€never€know.Ģą [ ąš šSorry,€Troy,šš€said€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō.€€š šDidnššt€mean€to€hurt€your€feelings.ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌAinšštŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌnothinŌ_Ōšš€to€cry€about,šš€said€Troy.€€š šSave€that€for€graduation.ššĢą [ ąš šI€Ō_ŌainšštŌ_Ō€gonna€cry€at€graduation,€boy,€whatššre€you€Ō_ŌsmokinŌ_Ōšš?šš€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€blurted,€twisting€one€ofĻthe€three€shiny€diamond€studs€in€her€right€ear.€€š šI€Ō_ŌcainšštŌ_Ō€wait€to€get€out€of€this€place!€€So€long€ĻGlass,€and€good€riddance,€too.šš€€She€kissed€her€hand€and€threw€that€kiss€into€the€air.Ģą [ ąš šCome€on,€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō,šš€said€Bliss,€lifting€her€thick€darkish„Ō_ŌblondishŌ_Ō€hair€from€the€back€of€herĻneck,€š šyou€canššt€tell€me€that€you€wonššt€miss€this€place.€€š šEven€the€tiniest€littlest€Ō_ŌbitsiestŌ_Ō€bit?šš€€BlissĻshowing€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€a€very€tiny€amount€with€two€of€her€fingers.€€š šEven€laughing€at€Mr.€Coleššs€old„Ō_ŌtimeyŌ_ŌĻpolyester€suits?ššĢą [ ąŌ_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€shrugged€her€shoulders,€pinkish€from€the€tournament,€and€tucked€long€strands€ofĻher€bleached€blonde€hair€behind€her€ears.€€Then€she€went€to€biting€her€fingernails.€€That€wasŠ ,z'> Šsomething€she€done€most€of€the€time,€but€especially€when€she€was€nervous€or€mad.Ģą [ ąš šIššm€with€Bliss,šš€Nathan€said,€pointing€at€his€used„to„be€girlfriend.€€š šŌ_ŌWhyššreŌ_Ō€you€so€orneryĻtoday,€anyway?€€That€time€of€the€month?ššĢą [ ąTroy€spat€out€a€chuckle€and€little€pieces€of€red€and€white€mush€fell€to€the€lunch€table.€€HisĻfriends€told€him,€in€many€different€ways,€how€gross€that€was.€€All€Troy€could€do€was€chuckleĻsome€more€and€the€same€thing€happened€again.€€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€jabbed€him€with€her€elbow€and€he€quitĻlaughing€real€quick.Ģą [ ąš šŌ_ŌYaššllŌ_Ō,šš€Bliss€said,€š šIššm€gonna€miss€it€here.€€Weššve€been€Ō_ŌsittinŌ_Ōšš€at€this€table€the€past€fourĻyears,€Ō_ŌshootinŌ_Ōšš€the€hooey,€Ō_ŌlaughinŌ_Ōšš,€Ō_ŌsharinŌ_Ōšš...the€whole€nine€yards.ššĢą [ ąš šWhy€only€nine?ššĢą [ ąš šI€donššt€know,€Troy...thatššs€just€the€saying.€€You€know€that€already.€€Youššre€just€trying€toĻget€a€rise€out€of€me.ššĢą [ ąš šThe€same€way€you€got€a€rise€out€of€Nate€for€so€long,€huh?šš€Troy€said,€not€smiling,€butĻglaring€at€Bliss.€€He€got€another€jab€from€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō.Ģą [ ąš šWonderful!šš€yelled€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō.€€š šI€am€ņņnotóó€in€the€mood€to€hear€about€Nateššs€hard„ons,€thankŠ qŌ Šyou€very€much.ššĢą [ ąPoor€Nathanššs€face€turned€the€color€of€a€nice€plump€strawberry.€€Looked€like€he€wouldĻtopple€off€his€chair.€€He€and€Bliss€had€been€best€friends€since€just€about€the€time€they€was€kneeĻhigh€to€grasshoppers.€€All€them€hormones€started€jumping€round€and€those€two€got€to€liking€eachĻother€in€different€ways€so€they€dated€for€two€years€during€their€time€in€high€school.€€And€it€is€trueĻthat€she€made€his€thingamabob€rise€Ō_ŌaššplentyŌ_Ō.€€Any€hoot,€Bliss€and€Nathan€got€to€know€eachĻotherššs€body€parts€very€wellš!šknew€their€hides€in€a€Ō_ŌtanyardŌ_Ō,€if€you€catch€my€meaning.€€And,€well,Ļseeing€as€though€Bliss€and€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€are€best€ņņgirlóófriends,€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€knows€a€bit€about€Nathanššs€body,Š Ø , Štoo.€€Sheššs€just€never€had€the€visual.€€Ģą [ ąš šWeššre€all€just€a€bit€on€edge,šš€said€Nathan,€as€calmly€as€possible.€€He€leaned€back€in€hisĻchair€and€smoothed€down€the€front€of€his€maroon€T„shirt€bearing€a€white€outline€of€the€schoolššsĻmascotš!ša€big€old€screech€owl.€€š šGraduationššs€a€Ō_ŌhelluvaŌ_Ō€big€deal.€€Itššs€understandable€that€weššd€beĻfeeling€the€way€we€are.€€I€mean,€we€just€got€done€Senior€Festivities€Week.šš€€Nathan€pushed€hisĻhands€over€his€sun„lightened€brown€hair.€€š šItššs€almost€over,€Ō_ŌyaššllŌ_Ō.€€Over!ššĢą [ ąš šDonššt€get€all€mushy,€Nate.€€The€way€youššre€Ō_ŌtalkinŌ_Ōšš,€youššll€be€Ō_ŌbawlinŌ_Ōšš€like€a€baby€atĻgraduation.ššĢą [ ąš šOw!šš€Bliss€screamed.Š %,ˆ'> Šą [ ąš šWhat€the€hell?šš€€Troy€asked.Ģą [ ąš šOw.€€Iššve€got€a€spasm€in€my€back!€€Ow.€€Ow.ššĢą [ ąš šTurn€around,šš€Nathan€said.€€š šWhere?ššĢą [ ąBliss€pointed€to€the€aching€spot€and€he€rubbed€as€hard€as€he€could€till€she€quit€sayingĻš šOw,€ow,€ow.ššĢą [ ąWhen€that€tragedy€was€over,€Nathan€continued€what€he€was€saying€just€like€nothing€evenĻhappened.€€š šIššve€liked€the€past€four€years.€€And€Iššm€heading€off€to€Ō_ŌReardonŌ_Ō€in€August.ššĢą [ ąš šYeah,€leaving€all€of€us€here,šš€mumbled€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō.Ģą [ ąš šAw,€come€on!šš€Nathan€yelled.€€š šI€worked€hard€and€got€the€grades€to€get€out€of€here.€ĻBliss€is€going€away,€too.ššĢą [ ąš šJust€down€the€highway€a€stretch,šš€said€Troy,€tugging€on€his€right€ear,€as€was,€for€someĻreason,€a€habit€of€his.€€š šYouššre€more€than€a€stretch€away.€€The€beach€Ō_ŌainšštŌ_Ō€a€stoneššs€throw,€Ō_ŌyaŌ_ŌĻknow.ššĢą [ ąš šYes,€Troy,€well€put,šš€Nathan€said€kind€of€catty„like,€squinting€from€the€sunššs€glare€on€theĻtable.€€He€pointed€at€Troy.€€š šYou€wanna€work€on€your€daddyššs€farm.šš€€He€pointed€at€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō.€€š šAndĻyou,€miss€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€princess,€are€gonna€work€in€your€daddyššs€grocery.šš€€€Nathan€shrugged€a€fewĻtimes.€€€š šWeššre€all€friends,€but€we€got€way€different€ambitions€and€aspirations.€€Thatššs€just€how€lifeĻis,€Ō_ŌyaššllŌ_Ō.ššĢą [ ąBliss€chimed€in,€putting€down€her€can€of€diet€soda.€€š šLook€at€Ross,ššshe€said,€pushing€theĻthin,€multi„colored€bangle€bracelets€up€her€left€arm.€€š šHeššs€going€into€the€Marines€for€four€years.€ĻAnd€I€couldnššt€be€happier€for€him.€€Poor€Jillššs€gonna€be€lost,€but€thatššs€her€own€fault€for€makingĻhim€her€end„all,€Ō_ŌyaŌ_Ō€know?€€But,€seriously,€Ross€is€gonna€get€to€travel€all€over€the€world.€ĻŌ_ŌWhereššveŌ_Ō€we€been?ššĢą [ ąFor€just€about€the€first€time€in€the€four€years€sitting€at€the€lunch€table,€there€was€silence.€ĻSeemed€like€they€was€all€thinking€over€what€Bliss€just€told€them.€€She€made€a€whole€lot€of€sense,Ļwhich€Ō_ŌainšštŌ_Ō€nothing€too€surprising€ššcause€sheššs€one€of€them€kids€thatššs€got€her€dimmer€switch€wideĻopen.€€All€four€of€them€just€sat€and€looked€at€this€and€that.€€Picked€things€on€their€faces.€€TheĻgirls€played€with€their€hair.€Ģą [ ąš šDonššt€say€nothing€about€this€to€her,šš€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€began,€š šbut€Jill€dating€Ross€all€this€time...Ļfour€years,€Ō_ŌyaššllŌ_Ō...is€a€waste...and€she€Ō_ŌainšštŌ_Ō€but€seventeen.€€Thatššs€my€own€opinion,€now,€but€itĻmakes€sense,€right?šš€€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€was€talking€like€she€had€to€convince€somebody€of€something,€but€byĻthe€way€the€rest€of€the€group€was€nodding€their€heads€and€Ō_ŌmmhmmingŌ_Ō,€no€one€needed€anyŠ ,z'> Šconvincing.€€š šI€mean,€my€God,€Ō_ŌyaššllŌ_Ō,€sheššs€done€nothing€else€for€four€years€but€cater€to€Ross,Ļwatch€him€at€every€basketball€game,€home€or€away,€go€to€all€of€his€R„O„T„C€things...just€like€theyĻwas€already€married.ššĢą [ ąš šHe€doesnššt€ņņwantóó€to€marry€her,šš€said€Bliss.€€š šRight,€Nathan?ššŠ oŅ Šą [ ąš šYou€werenššt€supposed€to€say€anything€ššbout€that.ššĢą [ ąš šOops.ššĢą [ ąš šIššll€bet€they€ņņdonšštóó€get€married,šš€said€Troy,€š šno€matter€what€Jill€says.€€Heššll€get€out€of€theŠ H «  ŠMarines€a€changed€guy€and€you€damn€well€know€that€the€way€sheššs€always€up€his€butt€that€sheššsĻjust€that€type€of€girl.ššĢą [ ąš šAnd€what€type€is€that?šš€asked€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō,€Ō_ŌcockingŌ_Ō€her€head€at€him€and€sucking€on€herĻslightly€bucked„out€teeth.Ģą [ ąš šHomebody,šš€said€Nathan,€answering€for€Troy.€€š šNeeds€a€man€for€everything.€€Canššt€thinkĻon€her€own.€€Always€wantsš!šššĢą [ ąš šFor€crying€out€loud,€we€get€it,€already,€Nate.ššĢą [ ąš šLike€Troy€was€Ō_ŌsayinŌ_Ōšš,šš€Nathan€said,€š šsheššll€find€someone€else€right€away€as€long€as€heššsĻgot€a€good€family€and€donššt€get€annoyed€with€her€being€around€all€the€time.ššĢą [ ąš šAnd€someone€she€can€boss€around!šš€Bliss€said,€pinching€Nathanššs€thigh.€€He€smackedĻher€back.€š šHe€does€everything€she€says,€not€the€other€way€around,€Ō_ŌyaššllŌ_Ō.€€Ever€hear€her€Ō_ŌtalkinŌ_Ōšš€toĻhim€like€he€donššt€have€a€brain?€€Sheššs€both€of€themš!šneeds€a€guy...but€she€ņņalsoóó€needs€to€be€ableŠ —ś$ Što€boss€that€guy€around.ššĢą [ ąThere€was€more€silence€and€looking€around.€€These€four€all€agreed€that€Jill€was€exactlyĻthe€way€they€just€said€she€was,€and€that€what€they€said€would€happen,€probably€would.€€CouldnšštĻtell€that€to€Jill,€though,€ššcause€sheššd€cuss€you€up€and€down€the€street.€Ģą [ ąš šGetting€back€to€Troyššs€original€statement,šš€Nathan€said,€scratching€his€left€elbow,€š šthatĻwas€some€tournament.€€Even€though€we€got€fifth€out€of€eight.€€Best€one€I€ever€saw.ššĢą [ ąTroy€got€up€to€buy€another€burger€and€tater€strips.€€He€gave€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€a€quick€look€andĻcaught€her€doing€the€same€thing.€€Her€ears€turned€pink,€just€like€her€shoulders.Ģą [ ąš šMaybe€ššcause€this€is€the€first€time€youššve€actually€played?šš€said€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō,€real€snooty„like.Ģą [ ąNathan€hunched€his€shoulders€so€much€it€looked€like€his€head€was€gonna€get€swallowed.€ĻBliss€raised€her€pencil„thin,€brown€eyebrows.€€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€crossed€her€arms€and€kinda€stuck€out€herĻlittle€bottom€lip€like€she€was€pouting.Ģą [ ąš šIt€was€fun,šš€said€Nathan.€€š šI€got€a€bunch€of€aces€and€hits.€€And€you€girls€did€good,€too,Š ,,'> Šexcept€Jill€ššcause€she€was€all€the€time€worried€if€she€was€gonna€get€dirty.€€€I€liked€our€practicesĻthe€best,€though.ššĢą [ ąBliss€kinda€giggled€to€herself.€€š šI€know€what€you€mean,šš€she€said,€looking€at€Nathan€withĻwide€blue€eyes.Ģą [ ąš šOh,€stop!šš€blurted€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō,€looking€around€for€Troy.€€š šGet€off€it,€already.ššĢą [ ąš šHeššs€had€a€crush€on€you€for€years,€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō,šš€groaned€Bliss,€flopping€her€spider„leg€thinĻarms€on€the€table.€€Her€bracelets€made€a€loud€clanking€sound.Ģą [ ąš šEither€go€for€it,€or€stop€being€nice€to€him.ššĢą [ ąš šHave€I€been€nice€today?šš€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€snapped.€€š šAt€all?ššĢą [ ąNathan€shook€his€head.€€š šThatššs€not€what€we€mean.ššĢą [ ąš šYou€got€mighty€close€to€ššim€during€our€practices,€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō.€€What€gives?ššĢą [ ąŌ_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō,€feeling€defensive,€turned€her€face€away€quick€as€a€jackrabbit€hops,€so€Bliss€andĻNathan€wouldnššt€see€how€red€it€was€getting.€€Just€then,€Troy€walked€up€and€asked€her€why€sheĻwas€so€red€in€the€face.€€She€couldnššt€answer€so€she€just€got€up€and€left€the€table.ą Ė ąŠ +Ž Šą [ ąš šWhatššs€with€her?šš€Troy€asked,€watching€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€walk€through€the€doors€that€opened€to€theĻcourtyard.€€š šSheššs€been€so€weird€this€past€week.ššĢą [ ąš šWe€told€her€to€stop€being€nice€to€you€or€go€for€it,šš€said€Nathan.Ģą [ ąš šBasically,šš€added€Bliss,€stealing€one€of€his€greasy€tater€strips.Ģą [ ąš šHo„lee!€€Got€her€goat,€eh?ššĢą [ ąš šBasically,šš€said€Bliss,€smiling.Ģą [ ąš šŌ_ŌYaššllŌ_Ō€ššmember€that€time,šš€Troy€began,€leaning€his€big€body€toward€them€over€the€lunchĻtable,€š šwhen€me€and€her€was€Ō_ŌfishinŌ_Ōšš€down€by€the€pond€last€summer€when€I€thought€that€I€had€aĻchance€with€her?€€ššCause€she€was€acting€all€weird?€€Kinda€like€now?ššĢą [ ąBoth€Bliss€and€Nathan€nodded€their€heads.Ģą [ ąš šShe€kissed€me!ššĢą [ ąš šTroy€Hampton,€you€lie€like€a€rug!šš€Bliss€yelled,€reaching€across€the€table€and€smackingĻhis€hand.Ģą [ ąš šI€Ō_ŌainšštŌ_Ō.€€I€swear€on€my€mamaššs€grave.ššĢą [ ąš šYouššre€mama€Ō_ŌainšštŌ_Ō€even€dead.ššĢą [ ąš šThat€donššt€matter.€€Iššm€telling€you€the€honest€to€God€truth.šš€€Troy€looked€so€sincereĻsitting€there€holding€his€fingers€in€a€peace€sign€like€he€was€taking€an€oath€or€something.€€Ģą [ ąš šBut€Ō_ŌyaššllŌ_Ō€canššt€tell€her,€or€sheššll€have€a€Ō_ŌconniptionŌ_Ō€fit.€€She€told€me€not€to€say€Ō_ŌnothinŌ_Ōšš.€€ButŠ ,z'> Šthe€way€sheššs€been€acting€lately,€sheššs€got€me€all€confused€and€stuff.€€She€likes€me,€then€sheĻdonššt.€€She€likes€me,€then€she€donššt.šš€€Troy€poked€his€chin€in€Blissšš€direction.€€š šŌ_ŌWhyššreŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌyaššllŌ_Ō€likeĻthat?ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌYaššllŌ_Ō€who?ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌYaššllŌ_Ō€women,€is€whoššs€Ō_ŌyaššllŌ_Ō.ššĢą [ ąš šDonššt€go€Ō_ŌcomparinŌ_Ōšš€all€women€to€one€thatššs€got€a€tick€up€her€tail.ššĢą [ ąš šSheššsņņ€youróó€best€friend,šš€Nathan€said€in€defense€of€ņņhisóó€buddy.€€š šHasnššt€she€said€anythingŠ A ¤  Što€you?ššĢą [ ąš šUh„uh.€€But€you€know€her,šš€she€said,€moving€her€hand€like€she€was€swatting€a€gnatĻaway,€š šshe€just€donššt€offer€information.€€You€gotta€dig€to€find€out€what€you€need€to€find€out.€ĻUsually,€she€just€listens€to€me€talk€about€guys.ššĢą [ ąš šWell,€if€she€really€likes€Troy,€sheššs€got€a€weird€way€of€showing€it.€€Too€weird.ššĢą [ ąBliss€sighed€like€she€was€exhausted.€€š šJust€ņņaskóó€her,€for€crying€out€loud!ņņóó€€Have€you€everŠ ģO Šasked€her€out?€€Complimented€her?€€Anything€other€than€just€ņņhangóóing€around?€Š 9œ Šą [ ąTroy€bit€into€his€second€burger,€the€glob€of€mustard€taking€its€regular€place€on€his€lips.€ĻHe€didnššt€say€nothing€for€a€few€minutes€while€Bliss€and€Nathan€chatted€between€the€two€of€them.€Ģą [ ąFinally,€Troy€said,€š šNever€did,šš€and€he€wiped€his€mouth.€€š šI€have€never€actually€asked€herĻon€a€date.€€I€just€figured€that€when€she€kissed€me€that€was€ššcause€I€helped€her€with€her€Ō_ŌfishinŌ_Ōšš€lineĻand€all.šš€€He€picked€up€his€burger,€tore€off€a€piece.€€š šIt€wonššt€nothing€like€a€real€kiss,€but€it€was€aĻkiss€all€the€same.€€Right€on€the€lips.šš€Troy€smiled.Ģą [ ąš šHere€she€comes,šš€Bliss€said€into€her€hands.€€š šHush.ššĢĢą [ ąThe€next€afternoon,€which€would€make€it€Thursday,€was€graduation€practice€andĻgraduation€was€Saturday€morning€at€ten.€€So,€the€story€picks€up€after€Bliss€and€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€arrived€atĻthe€school€Saturday€morning.Ģą [ ąš šThis€is€really€real,€Ō_ŌainšštŌ_Ō€it,€Bliss?ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌUmhmmŌ_Ō.ššĢą [ ąš šMama€and€Daddy€were€almost€Ō_ŌcryinŌ_Ōšš€when€you€picked€me€up.€€I€told€them€that€I€Ō_ŌainšštŌ_ŌĻgonna€cry,€so€they€shouldnššt€either.šš€€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€laughed€nervously.Ģą [ ąš šHave€you€talked€with€Troy€at€all?ššĢą [ ąŌ_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€got€defensive.€š šWhatššs€that€Ō_ŌsššposedŌ_Ō€to€mean?€€Whatššs€he€Ō_ŌsayinŌ_Ōšš?ššĢą [ ąBliss€stuck€her€palms€out€like€she€was€trying€to€block€a€punch.€€š šWhoa,€angel!€€I€donšštŠ ,,'> Šmean€anything.€€Just€wondering.ššĢą [ ąThese€two€young€ladies€started€walking€toward€the€schoolššs€gymnasium€where€theĻgraduates€from€Glass€High€School€were€to€flock€together€to€line€up.Ģą [ ąš šDo€you€think€heššs€nice?ššĢą [ ąš šWho?ššĢą [ ąš šDonššt€give€me€that€mess,€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō,€you€know€who.ššĢą [ ąš šYeah.€€I€guess,šš€she€said.€€š šIššve€only€known€him€like€forever€and€a€day,€Bliss.ššĢą [ ąš šGood€looking?ššĢą [ ąš šI€guess,šš€said€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō.€€š šHeššs€got€nice€hair€and€a€nice€face.ššĢą [ ąš šWhat€about€him€Ō_ŌbeinŌ_Ōšš€so€big?ššĢą [ ąš šI€donššt€know.ššĢą [ ąš šYouššre€short,€Ō_ŌyaŌ_Ō€know.ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌNoooŌ_Ō,€really?ššĢą [ ąš šWell,€it€could€be€a€concern€of€yours.ššĢą [ ąš šFor€what?ššĢą [ ąš šDating.šš€€Bliss€tried€to€fight€a€smile,€but€it€fought€harder...and€won.Ģą [ ąš šI€donššt€know€why€you€feel€the€need€to€waste€your€breath€right€now,€but€I€wish€youššd€stop.ššĻHer€bleached€hair€looked€white€under€the€bright€light€of€the€sun.€€She€raised€her€thumb€to€herĻmouth€to€bite€at€the€nail€that€was€already€mostly€stubby.Ģą [ ąBliss€stopped€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€in€mid„stride.€€Looked€right€straight€into€her€droopy,€dark€blue€eyes.Ģą [ ąš šThis€is€me,€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō.€€Bliss.€€Youššre€best€friend.€€If€you€wanna€date€him,€then€do€it.€€WeššreĻŌ_ŌgraduatinŌ_Ōšš€in€an€hour,€for€crying€out€loud.€€Grow€up.šš€€She€stopped€a€second€then€started€talkingĻagain.€€š šWhat€is€it€youššre€afraid€of?ššĢą [ ąBliss€held€a€small€bag€of€peanut€butter€cookies€out€toward€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō.€€When€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€shookĻher€head,€Bliss€took€out€two€cookies€and€began€chomping.Ģą [ ąš šI€donššt€know.€€Other€people€Ō_ŌlaughinŌ_Ōšš€and€stuff€maybe?ššĢą [ ąš šWhat€do€you€care€whatš!šššĢą [ ąš šš!šwhat€other€people€think.€€€Because€I€do,€thatššs€why.€€Ō_ŌCainšštŌ_Ō€help€it.ššĢą [ ąš šWeššre€Ō_ŌouttaŌ_Ō€here,€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō.€€Does€it€still€matter?šš€€Ģą [ ąShe€didnššt€answer€Bliss.Ģą [ ąš šCome€on,šš€Bliss€almost€yelled,€tilting€her€head€back€so€far€she€like€to€have€lost€herĻbalance.€€š šIf€you€like€him€then€go€for€it!šš€€She€pinched€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€on€her€upper€arm.€€€š šIššm€leaving,€soŠ ,z'> Šitššll€be€good€for€you€two€to€hang€out.ššĢą [ ąThe€two€of€them€continued€their€walk€into€the€school€and€found€Jill€and€Ross€who€wereĻŌ_ŌsmooshedŌ_Ō€together€like€potatoes€on€Christmas€dayš!šminus€the€gravy,€of€course.€€So€they€leftĻthem€alone€and€walked€around,€talking€with€this€person€and€that€one.€Ģą [ ąTroy€worked€his€way€over€to€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€and€pulled€her€off€to€the€side.€€His€clean„shaven€faceĻwas€shiny€under€the€gymnasium€lights,€and€the€razor€burn€was€noticeable€on€his€thick€neck.€ĻThen€Bliss€and€Nathan€stood€and€observed€from€a€distance.€€Nathan€had€got€his€hair€cut€realĻshort€for€the€occasion.€€A€few€minutes€later,€a€woman€with€sweat€falling€down€her€face€so€fast€sheĻliked€to€drown,€yelled€through€a€Ō_ŌmegaŌ_Ō„phone€for€everyone€to€hush€up€a€minute€and€listen€toĻinstructions.€€Being€obedient€stags€and€doesš!šor€roosters€and€hensš!šor€whatever€tickles€your€bigĻtoeš!šthey€hushed€up€and€listened.€€It€wonššt€but€seven€minutes€later€that€all€those€kids,€wearingĻmaroon€robes€and€funny€hats€with€gold€yarn€Ō_ŌthingiesŌ_Ō€hanging€down,€was€doubled€up€and€ready€toĻgo.Ģą [ ąBliss€and€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€stood€side€by€side,€so€did€Troy€and€Nathan€right€behind€them.€€Then€JillĻand€Ross,€holding€hands,€was€behind€them€a€bit.€€Any€hoot,€the€line€started€moving€slow,€windingĻround€the€seats€set€up€in€the€gymnasium€case€it€rained.€€That€class€of€seniors€looked€like€a€bigĻmaroon€snake€taking€a€lazy„day€stroll.€€Just€as€planned€and€practiced,€all€eighty„six€of€themĻclimbed€neatly€into€the€bleachers,€and€faced€the€proud€parents€in€the€other€bleachers.Ģą [ ąSome€man€in€a€black€robe€stood€at€the€microphone€and€talked€his€head€off€for€aboutĻfifteen€minutes.€€Then€a€nice€young€lady€stood€up€at€the€microphone€and€gave€a€speech€thatĻwonššt€quite€as€long,€but€almost€as€boring.€€Them€seniors€clapped€and€laughed€in€all€the€rightĻspots,€just€like€theyššd€practiced.Ģą [ ąWhile€all€that€was€going€on,€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€was€fighting€back€her€tears,€her€own€words€ringing€inĻher€earsš!šš šI€Ō_ŌainšštŌ_Ō€gonna€cry,šš€she€had€said.€€A€lot.€€Ģą [ ąš šYou€got€any€tissue,€Bliss?šš€she€whispered.Ģą [ ąš šThought€little€miss€tough€lady€wonššt€gonna€cry.ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌCainšštŌ_Ō€help€it,šš€said€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō.€€š šYou€wanna€know€the€real€reasons€Iššve€been€acting€soĻdamned€crazy€the€past€week?ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌThatššdŌ_Ō€be€nice.ššĢą [ ąš šI€almost€didnššt€get€to€be€here,€Bliss.€€If€I€hadnššt€passed€Old€Lady€Ō_ŌSphinchterŌ_Ōššs€EnglishĻessay€test€with€at€least€a€seventy„eight,€I€wasnššt€gonna€pass€the€year.ššĢą [ ąMy,€how€the€tears€did€gush€from€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ōššs€sapphires.€€Bliss€held€onto€her€hand€and€criedŠ ,z'> Šright€along€with€her.Ģą [ ąš šWhy€didnššt€you€tell€me?ššĢą [ ąš šI€didnššt€want€to€jinx€myself...then€it€got€so€late€and€all€that...that€I€liked€Ō_ŌtoššveŌ_Ō€killed€myselfĻwith€worry.€€Iššm€just€so€damned€proud€of€myself,€Bliss.ššĢą [ ąThey€hushed€up€a€minute€to€listen€to€some€of€the€names€of€the€scholarship€winners.Ģą [ ąš šAnd€then€Troy,šš€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€said€as€low€as€possible€because€he€was€sitting€three€people€awayĻfrom€her,€š šwas€Ō_ŌbeinŌ_Ōšš€all€nice€and€stuff.€€Makes€me€feel€good€and€weird€all€at€once.ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌWhatššdŌ_Ō€he€say€to€you€in€the€gym?ššĢą [ ąš šHe€asked€me€out€for€dinner.šš€€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€tried€to€hide€her€smile.€€š šWonder€what€put€a€bee€inĻhis€pants?ššĢą [ ąBliss€looked€at€Nathan,€who€was€sitting€in€the€middle€of€her€and€Troy,€and€cracked€aĻdevious€smile.€€Nathan,€being€a€smart€guy€and€knowing€that€the€two€girls€was€just€whispering,Ļtook€the€hint€and€winked€back€at€her.€€Then€he€nudged€Troy€in€the€ribs€and€winked.€€But€whenĻTroy€looked€at€his€friend,€tears€was€full€up€in€his€eyes.Ģą [ ąš šNever€thought€Iššd€cry€at€this€thing,€Nate.€€But€I€just€got€to€thinking€ššbout€all€that€Iššve€doneĻhere,€wrestling€and€all,€Ō_ŌyaŌ_Ō€know.€€Pulling€little€pranks€on€certain€teachers.€€Gonna€miss€CoachĻbad,€man.ššĢą [ ąš šYeah,šš€whispered€Nathan.€€š šI€did€a€lot€in€a€short€period€of€time,€but€it€only€seems€like€aĻyear€ago€we€walked€through€those€front€doors,€doesnššt€it?ššĢą [ ąš šYeah.€€Itššs€weird.€€I€was€fourteen€and€fat.€€No€girls€looked€at€me.€€Now,€thereššs€ņņsomeóó€girlsŠ Ļ2& Šthat€look€at€me,€and€Iššm€one€of€the€strongest€guys€here.ššĢą [ ąš šTrue.€€True.€€Yeah,€when€I€got€here,€I€was€whatš!šššbout€five€feet€tallš!šand€weighed€ššbout€asĻmuch€as€a€tire€iron.€€Was€freshman€class€president.€€Dated€my€best€friend.€€Broke€up€with€myĻbest€friend.€€Still€friends€with€my€best€friend.€€And€now€Iššm€over€six„two€and€weigh€ššbout€as€muchĻas€a€tire.šš€€€Nathan€smiled€into€the€crowd€of€happy€mamas€waving€fans€in€front€of€their€faces€likeĻthat€was€gonna€help€relieve€the€heat€from€the€sun€beating€down€on€their€necks.€Ģą [ ąRight€next€to€him,€Bliss€was€whispering€to€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€about€some€memories€just€like€themĻboys€was€doing.Ģą [ ąš šI€was€so€scared€to€come€to€this€school,šš€she€said,€š šthat€I€wanted€Daddy€to€walk€aroundĻwith€me€to€all€of€my€classes.€€But€after€the€first€day,€I€loved€it.€€Still€do.€€My€hair€was€so€short€thenĻand€I€was€just€so€Ō_ŌdorkyŌ_Ō€looking,€Ō_ŌyaŌ_Ō€know.ššĢą [ ąš šWe€were€all€Ō_ŌdorkyŌ_Ō€looking,€Bliss.€€Thatššs€what€puberty€does€to€a€body.€€Makes€it€Ō_ŌdorkyŌ_Ō€soŠ ,'> Šwe€donššt€have€sex€till€itššs€not€Ō_ŌdorkyŌ_Ō.ššĢą [ ąš šAnd€ššmember€when€Carla€Miner€wanted€to€kick€my€butt€because€she€liked€Nathan€andĻhe€wouldnššt€look€at€her€twice?ššĢą [ ąŌ_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€nodded€her€head,€squinting,€still€dabbing€her€eyes€with€a€tissue.Ģą [ ąShe€said,€š šI€think€what€Iššll€miss€most€is€friends.ššĢą [ ąBliss€reached€her€arm€round€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€and€gave€her€a€nice€little€squeeze.Ģą [ ąš šLetššs€hush€up€now€and€listen€to€the€rest€of€whatššs€Ō_ŌgoinŌ_Ōšš€so€we€donššt€miss€the€wholeĻgraduation€ceremony.ššĢą [ ąBliss,€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō,€Nathan,€and€Troy€all€walked€up€to€the€stage,€just€like€they€done€in€practice,Ļgot€handed€their€rolled€up€blank€piece€of€paper,€shook€hands€with€the€principal,€and€walked€offĻthe€stage€again,€to€sit€in€the€bleachers.€€After€those€maroon€funny€hats€was€tossed€way€up€in€theĻsky€and€come€raining€down€like,€well,€like€funny€hats€falling€out€the€sky,€everything€was€over.€€Ģą [ ąThere€was€more€crying€and€such€as€that€back€in€the€gym€where€the€graduates€got€theirĻreal€diplomas.€€Troy€and€Ō_ŌBeckaŌ_Ō€looked€at€each€other€and€smiled€out€in€the€open.€€Jill€and€RossĻtook€off€as€soon€as€possible.Ģą [ ąš šWhatššre€you€gonna€miss€most,€Nathan?šš€asked€Bliss€when€they€were€away€from€theĻhustle€and€bustle.Ģą [ ąš šSeeing€you€everyday,šš€he€said.€€Ģą [ ąš šGet€Ō_ŌouttaŌ_Ō€here,€Nathan,€we€did€this€before.ššĢą [ ąš šI€know.€€I€know.€€Itššs€just€that,€well,€Iššve€known€you€longer€than€anyone€I€know€aside€ofĻmy€family.€€Youššre€as€much€a€part€of€me€as€the€mole€on€my€rear€end.šš€€Nathan€smiled€a€hugeĻsmile€that€liked€to€have€cracked€his€face€open.Ģą [ ąš šThanks€for€the€compliment,€I€guess,šš€she€laughed,€then€pulled€his€ear.€€š šI€feel€the€sameĻas€you€do.€€This€is€tough,€huh?€€Leaving?ššĢą [ ąNathan€nodded€then€reached€out€and€pulled€Bliss€into€a€big€bear€hug.€€They€stood€thatĻway€for€a€bit,€wetting€each€otherššs€robe€with€their€tears.€€Ģą [ ąš šŌ_ŌWhatchaššllŌ_Ō€Ō_ŌdoinŌ_Ōšš?šš€Troy€asked,€draping€his€monstrous€arm€over€Nathanššs€scrawnyĻshoulder.Ģą [ ąš šHow€hard€leaving€is,šš€replied€BlissĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌYaššllŌ_Ō€remember€that€song€that€was€out€a€while€back€that€said€something€like€every€newĻbeginning€comes€from€another€beginningššs€end?šš€asked€Nathan.Ģą [ ąThe€three€of€them€nodded€in€agreement.Š ,z'> Šą [ ąš šJust€ššcause€Iššm€excited€about€leaving€Glass€County€and€starting€somewhere€else,Ļdoesnššt€mean€that€Iššm€looking€forward€to€anything€ending€between€us.šš€Ģą [ ąš šItššs€the€memories€we€keep,šš€Bliss€said,€to€finish€off€what€Nathan€was€saying.€€š šAnd€we€allĻhave€different€ones€with€each€other.€€And€weššll€have€others.€€And€will€make€new€ones€with€otherĻpeople.€€Thereššs€nothing€wrong€with€that.ššĢą [ ąš šŌ_ŌShoššnuffŌ_Ō,šš€Troy€said.€Ģą [ ąĢą [ ąAnd,€Ō_ŌshoššnuffŌ_Ō,€graduation€time€is€tough€for€friends€thatššs€been€friends€for€so€long.€€But,Ļhey,€they€canššt€stay€in€high€school€forever.€€Them€four€kids€left€the€school€and€went€to€join€otherĻkids€at€various€parties€and€such€as€that.€€They€planned€to€enjoy€the€summer€together€before€theyĻstarted€their€new€lives,€doing€different€things.€€Course,€long€as€I€been€observing€the€kids€at€GlassĻHigh€School,€hearing€them€and€hearing€about€them,€the€same€stuff€happens€each€year.€€And€IššllĻguarantee,€long€as€Iššm€here,€and€evermore,€thereššll€be€bunches€more€seniors€that€play€volleyballĻtogether€and€have€near„bout€the€same€conversations€as€the€ones€that€went€before€them.ĢńńĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢńńńžńńńŠ ,z'> ŠńńńžńńńŠ ,z'> ŠńńńžńńńĢńńńńĢńńńńĢńńńńĢńńńžń‡ń£ńą [ ąń£ńŌ#† X]Xõ ō=,¢#Ōń„ńÓ3³Óń„ńń¦ńĢĢń¦ńĢń¢ńą [ ąą ³ ąą  ąą c ąą » ąą  ąń¢ńńœńŌ‡ ōŻoõX X²5ŌŌ#† X5Xõ ō¤ć#Ł#Ōńœńń§ńĢń§ńĢń”ńą [ ąą ³ ąą  ąą c ą€€€€€ń”ńń¤ńÓ  Óń¤ńVITA€Ō_ŌAUCTORISŌ_ŌĢń¤ńÓ/ Óń¤ńńØńĢĢńØńń¬ńĢń¬ńńØńĢĢĢńØńń©ńńØńĢńØńĢń©ńń„ńÓ3³ Óń„ńń«ńńŖńĢńŖńń«ńą [ ąHeather€Ō_ŌSeanorŌ_Ō€was€born€in€Ō_ŌHammontonŌ_Ō,€New€Jersey€in€1972.€€SheĻgraduated€from€Ō_ŌEdgewoodŌ_Ō€Senior€High€School€in€1990.€€In€1995,€she€obtainedĻher€Bachelor€of€Science€degree€in€English€Education€from€East€CarolinaĻUniversity€in€Greenville,€North€Carolina.€€From€there,€she€started€teaching€highĻschool€English€in€a€very€rural€school€district€in€northeastern€North€Carolina,Ļwhere€she€gathered€four€years€of€writing€material€from€students.€€She€is€currentlyĻa€candidate€for€the€Master€of€Arts€degree€at€the€University€of€Windsor€inĻWindsor,€Ontario,€Canada,€and€plans€to€graduate€in€Winter€2002.€€HeatherĻŌ_ŌSeanorŌ_Ō€is€also€living€in€Pasadena,€California,€and€has€resumed€her€high€schoolĻteaching€career€at€Baldwin€Park€High€School.€€Her€first€publication,€an€articleĻtitled€š šStudents€Reading€for€Entertainment:€An€Interesting€Phenomenon,ššĻappears€in€the€2001€holiday€issue€of€ņņTeachers€of€Visionóó.ńŸńŠ  ŠĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢĢŠ Ę+)'2 ŠńŸńń ńŠ  Šń ń