Heather Seanor

Ain't Gonna Cry

Graduating from high school can be a right tough thing for friends that's been friends for years and years. So, every year, seven days before graduation, the Senior Co-ed Volleyball Tournament is held in the sand pits of Glass High School. (I'm head janitor at the school and I prepare those pits myself so it's done proper.) This here's a tradition for the school that has been for the past twelve years, except the year a tornado was responsible for the cancellation of the event, and that other year Herman Millstone let loose all his cattle on the school's property to graze and all those animals got poops all over and made the place smell something awful. Course, each team of six must be made up of three stags and three does, or, if you prefer, roosters and hens, or even bulls and heifers, if that tickles your big toe...it don't matter. The co-ed tournament, part of Senior Week festivities, is always the last event, taking place on Saturday, usually earning the school a load of cash on hot dogs, slaw, hush puppies, and deer steak stew.

So, this story picks up not too long ago in the school cafeteria after the tournament that went off without a hitch. Lots of ladies was there wearing big bonnets to keep the sun off their milky white skin. Course, they was also wearing dresses without sleeves, so that don't make no sense. Any hoot, Becka, Bliss, Troy, and Nathan made up four of the six on their volleyball team. The other two was Jill and Ross, but they always high-tailed their tails into a cozy corner during lunchtime so they could talk sweet nonsense and such as that.

"That was some tourn'ment, won't it?" said Troy to the rest of the group, plopping the rest of his burger into his big fat mouth. A nice glob of mustard stuck to his bottom lip. There was already some ketchup sprinkles on his gray Duckhead polo.

"Wipe your mouth," screeched Becka, almost choking on the swig of orange juice she'd just swigged. "Where's your manners? Always the same thing. You eat a burger, get ketchup or mustard all over, then you don't have a clue it's on your face." All the while she was talking, she used her hands to get her point across. Pointing at her lips and cheeks, that sort of thing.

"That's his way of flirting, Becka," said Nathan. "Isn't that right, Troy?"

"For crying out loud, leave him alone, ya'll," Bliss told them, sitting back in her chair.

"Why do you always come to his defense?" asked Becka.

"I don't," Bliss replied, paying lots of attention to the light little hairs on her wrist.

"If that isn't a bunch of crap," laughed Nathan. He put the rest of his ham and cheese sub in his mouth, then wiped his lips with a napkin he crumpled up and threw on the table.

"Really?" Bliss said, crossing her arms in front of her, looking at Becka like she just stole the last of the peach cobbler. Man, if looks could kill, Becka would've sure been a goner. In all actuality, Bliss was only trying to help Troy and Becka along. Plus, Troy and Bliss was second cousins on their mamas' sides.

Troy looked at his friends and kept shoveling bloody-looking tater strips into his mouth. Troy was a big boy. Full of muscles. Extra-wide shouldered. And I thought he done pretty good in that tournament. He racked up five aces, twelve hits, and eight blocks. Course, Troy couldn't dig the ball to save his life or anyone else's. Just not that quick.

Nathan, on the other hand, was quite the opposite of Troy. Tall like Troy, but nowhere near as hefty. As a matter of fact, folks called Nathan a bean pole, though, none of them knew what in tarnation a bean pole was. Probably still don't. Might never know.

"Sorry, Troy," said Becka. "Didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"Ain't nothin' to cry about," said Troy. "Save that for graduation."

"I ain't gonna cry at graduation, boy, what're you smokin'?" Becka blurted, twisting one of the three shiny diamond studs in her right ear. "I cain't wait to get out of this place! So long Glass, and good riddance, too." She kissed her hand and threw that kiss into the air.

"Come on, Becka," said Bliss, lifting her thick brown hair from the back of her neck, "you can't tell me that you won't miss this place, even the tiniest littlest bitsiest bit. Even laughing at Mr. Cole's old-timey polyester suits?"

Becka shrugged her shoulders, pinkish from the tournament, and tucked long strands of her bleached blonde hair behind her ears. Then she went to biting her fingernails.

"I'm with Bliss," Nathan said, pointing at his used-to-be girlfriend. "Why're you so ornery today, anyway? That time of the month?"

Troy spat out a chuckle and little pieces of red and white mush fell to the lunch table. His friends told him, in many different ways, how gross that was. All Troy could do was chuckle some more and the same thing happened again. Becka jabbed him with her elbow and he quit laughing real quick.

"Ya'll," Bliss said, "I've gotta say that I'm gonna miss it here. We've been sittin' at this table the past four years, shootin' the hooey, laughin', sharin'...the whole nine yards."

"Why only nine?"

"I don't know, Troy...that's just the saying. You know that already. You're just trying to get a rise out of me."

"The same way you got a rise out of Nate for so long, huh?" Troy said, not smiling, but glaring at Bliss. He got another jab from Becka.

"Wonderful!" yelled Becka. "I am not in the mood to hear about Nate's hard-ons, thank you very much."

Poor Nathan's face turned the color of a nice plump strawberry. Looked like he would topple off his chair. He and Bliss had been best friends since just about the time they was knee high to grasshoppers. All them hormones started jumping round and those two got to liking each other in different ways so they dated for two years during their time in high school. And it is true that she made his thingamabob rise a'plenty. But that don't mean they ever had sex–now hold on a minute–they did do that a handful of times–but the rest of the time Bliss would just jerk that thing in the backseat of some car or in a barn somewhere. Which, of course, is what he'd done to himself tons of times. No fault in that. Milk, they say, does a body good. Well, then, other things is just as good. Any hoot, Bliss and Nathan got to know each other's body parts very well–knew their hides in a tanyard, if you catch my meaning. And, well, seeing as though Bliss and Becka are best girlfriends, Becka knows a bit about Nathan's body, too. She's just never had the visual.

"We're all just a bit on the antsy side these days," said Nathan, as calmly as possible. He leaned back in his chair and smoothed down the front of his maroon T-shirt bearing a white outline of the school's mascot–a big old owl. "Graduation's a helluva big deal. It's understandable that we'd be feeling the way we are. I mean, we just got done Senior Festivities Week." Nathan pushed his hands over his sun-lightened brown hair. "It's almost over, ya'll. Over!"

"Don't get all mushy, Nate. The way you're talkin', you'll be bawlin' like a baby at graduation."

"I've liked the past four years. And I'm heading off to Reardon in August."

"Yeah, leaving all of us here," mumbled Becka.

"Aw, come on!" Nathan yelled. "You can't pull that crap. I worked hard and got the grades to get out of here. Bliss is going away, too."

"Just down the highway a stretch," said Troy. "You're more than a stretch away. The beach ain't a stone's throw, ya know."

"Yes, Troy, well put," Nathan said with a touch of sarcasm and squinting from the sun's glare on the table. He pointed at Troy. "You wanna work on your daddy's farm." He pointed at Becka. "And you, miss Becka princess, are gonna work in your daddy's grocery." Nathan shrugged a few times. "We're all friends, but we got way different ambitions and aspirations. That's just how life is, ya'll."

Bliss chimed in. "Look at Ross,"she said, pushing the thin, multi-colored bangle bracelets up her left arm. "He's going into the Marines for four years. And I couldn't be happier for him. Poor Jill's gonna be lost, but that's her own fault for making him her end-all, ya know? But, seriously, Ross is gonna get to travel all over the world. Where've we been?"

For just about the first time in the four years sitting at the lunch table, there was silence. Seemed like they was all thinking over what Bliss just told them. She made a whole lot of sense, which ain't nothing too surprising 'cause she's one of them kids that's got her dimmer switch wide open. All four of them just sat and looked at this and that, picked things on their faces, the girls played with their hair.

"Don't say nothing about this to her," Becka began, "but Jill dating Ross all this time... four years, ya'll, is a waste...and she ain't but seventeen. That's my own opinion, now, but it makes sense, right?" Becka was talking like she had to convince somebody of something, but by the way the rest of the group was nodding their heads and mmhmming, no one needed any convincing. "I mean, my God, ya'll, she's done nothing else for four years but cater to Ross, watch him at every basketball game, home or away, go to all of his R-O-T-C things...just like they was already married."

"He doesn't want to marry her," said Bliss. "Right, Nathan?"

"You weren't supposed to say anything 'bout that."

"Oops."

"I'll bet they don't get married," said Troy, "no matter what Jill says. He'll get out of the Marines a changed guy and you damn well know that the way she's always up his butt that she's just that type of girl."

"And what type is that?" asked Becka.

"Homebody," said Nathan, answering for Troy. "Needs a man for everything. Can't think on her own. Always wants–"

"For crying out loud, we get it, already, Nate."

"Like Troy was sayin'," Nathan said, "she'll find someone else right away as long as he's got a good family and don't get annoyed with her being around all the time."

"And someone she can boss around!" Bliss said, pinching Nathan's thigh. "He does everything she says, not the other way around, ya'll. Ever hear her talkin' to him like he don't have a brain? She's both of them–needs a guy...but she also needs to be able to boss that guy around."

There was more silence and looking around. These four all agreed that Jill was exactly the way they just said she was, and that what they said would happen, probably would. Couldn't tell that to Jill, though, 'cause she'd cuss you up and down the street. And Ross, well, he's just along for the ride. A mama's boy. The Marines'll change him, you betcha. He'll grow some thingies while he's gone and he'll be better for it. As for now, that boy's whipped, and tied round that girl's finger so tight he can barely breath no more.

"Getting back to Troy's original statement," Nathan said, scratching his left elbow, "that was some tournament. Even though we got fifth out of eight. Best one I ever saw."

Troy got up to buy another burger and tater strips. He gave Becka a quick look and caught her doing the same thing. Her ears turned pink, just like her shoulders.

"Maybe 'cause this is the first time you've actually played?" said Becka, real snooty-like.

Nathan hunched his shoulders so much it looked like his head was gonna get swallowed. Bliss raised her thick, brown eyebrows. Becka crossed her arms and kinda stuck out her little bottom lip like she was pouting.

"It was fun," said Nathan. "I got a bunch of aces and hits. And you girls did good, too, except Jill 'cause she was all the time worried if she was gonna get dirty. I liked our practices the best, though."

Bliss kinda giggled to herself. "I know what you mean," she said, looking at Nathan with wide blue eyes.

"Oh, stop!" blurted Becka, looking around for Troy. "Get off it, already."

"He's had a crush on you for years, Becka," groaned Bliss, flopping her spider-leg thin arms on the table. Her bracelets made a loud clanking sound.

"Either go for it, or stop being nice to him."

"Have I been nice today?" Becka snapped. "At all?"

Nathan shook his head. "That's not what we mean."

"You got mighty close to 'im during our practices, Becka. What gives?"

Becka, feeling defensive, turned her face away quick as a jackrabbit hops, so Bliss and Nathan wouldn't see how red it was getting. Just then, Troy walked up and asked her why she was so red in the face. She couldn't answer so she just got up and left the table.

"What's with her?" Troy asked, watching Becka walk through the doors that opened to the courtyard. "She's been so weird this past week."

"We told her to stop being nice to you or go for it," said Nathan.

"Basically," added Bliss, stealing one of his greasy tater strips.

"Ho-lee! Got her goat, eh?"

"Basically," said Bliss, smiling.

"Ya'll 'member that time," Troy began, leaning his big body toward them over the lunch table, "when me and her was fishin' down by the pond last summer when I thought that I had a chance with her? 'Cause she was acting all weird? Kinda like now?"

Both Bliss and Nathan nodded their heads.

"She kissed me!"

"Troy Hampton, you lie like a rug!" Bliss yelled, reaching across the table and smacking his hand.

"I ain't. I swear on my mama's grave."

"You're mama ain't even dead."

"That don't matter. I am telling you the honest to God truth." Troy looked so sincere sitting there holding his fingers in a peace sign like he was taking an oath or something.

"But ya'll can't tell her, or she'll have a conniption fit. She told me not to say nothin'. But the way she's been acting lately, she's got me all confused and stuff. She likes me, then she don't. She likes me, then she don't." Troy poked his chin in Bliss' direction. "Why're ya'll like that?"

"Ya'll who?"

"Ya'll women, is who's ya'll."

"Don't go comparin' all women to one that's got a corn husk stuck up her tail."

"She's your best friend," Nathan said in defense of his buddy. "Hasn't she said anything to you?"

"Uh-uh. But you know her," she said, "she just don't offer information. You gotta dig to find out what you need to find out. Usually, she just listens to me talk about guys."

"Well, if she really likes Troy, she's got a weird way of showing it. Too weird."

Bliss sighed like she was exhausted. "Just ask her, for crying out loud! Have you ever asked her out? Complimented her? Anything other than just hanging around? 'Cause you know, that can really put a burr under a person's saddle, if you catch my drift."

Nathan burst out laughing so hard that tears streamed down his tanned face.

"What's so damn funny?" asked Bliss, calmly folding her hands on the table and turning to look at Nathan.

"'A burr under a person's saddle', Bliss? 'Corn husk stuck up her tail'? Where'd you hear those lines?"

Bliss was tickled, too. And they was really funny lines. Still are.

"My Aunt Mave was in town last week for a few days and she's all the time coming up with lines like that. Says they're from the olden days. Cracks me up, though. I was just waitin' for the chance to use 'em."

Troy bit into his second burger, the glob of mustard taking its regular place on his lips. He didn't say nothing for a few minutes while Bliss and Nathan chatted between the two of them. The lunch room was real loud with kids chattering about graduation and parties–even the kids that won't graduating were talking about the parties and what it would be like to be getting out of high school. Glass High was buzzing like a hornet's nest that got sprayed by a hose.

"Never did," Troy said, wiping his mouth. "I have never actually asked her on a date or nothing like that. I just figured that when she kissed me that was 'cause I helped her with her fishin' line and all." He picked up his burger, tore off a piece. "It won't nothing like a real kiss, but it was a kiss all the same. Right on the lips." Troy smiled.

"Here she comes," Bliss said into her hands. "Hush."

Then that day was done and they all went to graduation practice the next afternoon, which would make it Thursday. Graduation was Saturday morning at ten. So, the story picks up after Bliss and Becka arrived at the school Saturday morning.

"This is really real, ain't it, Bliss?"

"Umhmm."

"Mama and Daddy were almost cryin' when you picked me up. I told them that I ain't gonna cry, so they shouldn't either." Becka laughed nervously.

"Have you talked with Troy at all?"

Becka got defensive. "What's that s'posed to mean? What's he sayin'?"

Bliss stuck her palms out to block an invisible blow. "Whoa, angel! I don't mean anything. Just wondering."

These two young ladies started walking toward the school's gymnasium where the graduates from Glass High School were to flock together to line up.

"Do you think he's nice?"

"Who?"

"Don't give me that mess, Becka, you know who."

"Yeah. I guess," she said. "I've only known him like forever and a day, Bliss."

"Good looking?"

"I guess," said Becka. "He's got nice hair and a nice face."

"What about him bein' so big?"

"I don't know."

"You're short, ya know."

"Nooo, really?"

"Well, it could be a concern of yours."

"For what?"

"Dating." Bliss tried to fight a smile, but it fought harder...and won.

"I don't know why you feel the need to waste your breath right now, but I wish you'd stop."

Bliss stopped Becka in mid-stride. Looked right straight into her droopy, dark blue eyes.

"This is me, Becka. Bliss. You're best friend. If you wanna date him, then do it. We're graduatin' in an hour, for crying out loud. Grow up." She stopped a second then started talking again. "What is it you're afraid of?"

Bliss held a small bag of peanut butter cookies out toward Becka. When Becka shook her head, Bliss took out two cookies and began chomping.

"I don't know. Other people laughin' and stuff maybe?"

"What do you care what–"

"–what other people think. Because I do, that's why. Cain't help it."

"We're outta here, Becka. Does it still matter?"

She didn't answer Bliss.

"Come on," Bliss almost yelled, tilting her head back so far she like to have lost her balance. "If you like him then go for it!" She pinched Becka on her upper arm. "I'm leaving, so it'll be good for you two to hang out."

The two of them continued their walk into the school and found Jill and Ross who were smooshed together like potatoes on Christmas day–minus the gravy, of course. So they left them alone and walked around, talking with this person and that one.

Troy worked his way over to Becka and pulled her off to the side. His clean-shaven face was shiny under the gymnasium lights. Then Bliss and Nathan stood and observed from a distance. A few minutes later, a woman with sweat falling down her face so fast she liked to drown, yelled through a mega-phone for everyone to hush up a minute and listen to instructions. Being obedient stags and does–or roosters and hens–or whatever tickles your big toe–they hushed up and listened. It won't but seven minutes later that all those kids, wearing maroon robes and funny hats with gold yarn thingies hanging down, was doubled up and ready to go.

Bliss and Becka stood side by side, so did Troy and Nathan right behind them. Then Jill and Ross, holding hands, was behind them a bit. Any hoot, the line started moving slow, winding round the seats set up in the gymnasium case it rained. That class of seniors looked like a big maroon snake taking a lazy-day stroll. Just as planned and practiced, all eighty-six of them climbed neatly into the bleachers, and faced the proud parents in the other bleachers.

Some man in a black robe stood at the microphone and talked his head off for about fifteen minutes. Then a nice young lady stood up at the microphone and gave a speech that won't quite as long, but almost as boring. Them seniors clapped and laughed in all the right spots, just like they'd practiced.

While all that was going on, Becka was fighting back her tears, her own words ringing in her ears–I ain't gonna cry, she had said. A lot.

"You got any tissue, Bliss?" she whispered.

"Thought little miss tough lady won't gonna cry."

"Cain't help it," said Becka. "You wanna know the real reasons I've been acting so damned crazy the past week?"

"That'd be nice."

"I almost didn't get to be here, Bliss. If I hadn't passed old lady Sphinchter's English essay test with at least a seventy-eight, I wasn't gonna pass the year."

My, how the tears did gush from Becka's sapphires. Bliss held onto her hand and cried right along with her.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to jinx myself...then it got so late and all that...that I liked to've killed myself with worry. I'm just so damned proud of myself, Bliss."

They hushed up a minute to listen to some of the names of the scholarship winners.

"And then Troy," Becka said as low as possible because he was sitting three people away from her, "was bein' all nice and stuff. Makes me feel good and weird all at once."

"What'd he say to you in the gym?"

"He asked me out for dinner." Becka tried to hide her smile. "Wonder what put a bee in his pants?"

Bliss looked at Nathan, who was sitting in the middle of her and Troy, and cracked a devious smile. Nathan, being a smart guy and knowing that the two girls was just whispering, took the hint and winked back at her. Then he nudged Troy in the ribs and winked. But when Troy looked at his friend, tears was full up in his eyes.

"Never thought I'd cry at this thing, Nate. But I just got to thinking 'bout all that I've done here, wrestling and all, ya know. Pulling little pranks on certain teachers. Gonna miss Coach bad, man."

"Yeah," whispered Nathan. "I did a lot in a short period of time, but it only seems like a year ago we walked through those front doors, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. It's weird. I was fourteen and fat. No girls looked at me. Now, there's some girls that look at me, and I'm one of the strongest guys here."

"True. True. Yeah, when I got here, I was what–'bout five feet tall–and weighed 'bout as much as a tire iron. Was freshman class president. Dated my best friend. Broke up with my best friend. Still friends with my best friend. And now I'm over six-two and weigh 'bout as much as a tire." Nathan smiled into the crowd of happy mamas waving fans in front of their faces like that was gonna help relieve the heat from the sun beating down on their necks.

"And now I'm going off to go through more schoolin'," Nathan said, shaking his head.

Right next to him, Bliss was whispering to Becka about some memories just like them boys was doing.

"I was so scared to come to this school," she said, "that I wanted Daddy to walk around with me to all of my classes. But after the first day, I loved it. Still do. My hair was so short then and I was just so dorky looking, ya know."

"We were all dorky looking, Bliss. That's what puberty does to a body. Makes it dorky so we don't have sex till it's not dorky."

"And 'member when Carla Miner wanted to kick my butt because she liked Nathan and he wouldn't look at her twice?"

Becka nodded her head, squinting, still dabbing her eyes with a tissue.

She said, "I think what I'll miss most is friends."

Bliss reached her arm round Becka and gave her a nice little squeeze.

"Let's hush up now and listen to the rest of what's goin' so we don't miss the whole graduation ceremony."

Bliss, Becka, Nathan, and Troy all walked up to the stage, just like they done in practice, got handed their rolled up blank piece of paper, shook hands with the principal, and walked off the stage again, to sit in the bleachers. After those maroon funny hats was tossed way up in the sky and come raining down like, well, like funny hats falling out the sky, everything was over.

There was more crying and such as that back in the gym where the graduates got their real diplomas. Troy and Becka looked at each other and smiled out in the open. Jill and Ross took off as soon as possible.

"What're you gonna miss most, Nathan?" asked Bliss when they were away from the hustle and bustle.

"Seeing you everyday," he said.

"Get outta here, Nathan, we did this before."

"I know. I know. It's just that, well, I've known you longer than anyone I know aside of my family. You're as much a part of me as the mole on my rear end." Nathan smiled a huge smile that liked to have cracked his face open.

"Thanks for the compliment, I guess," she laughed, then pulled his ear. "I feel the same as you do. This is tough, huh? Leaving?"

Nathan nodded then reached out and pulled Bliss into a big bear hug. They stood that way for a bit, wetting each other's robe with their tears.

"You won't forget about me down at Reardon, will you?"

"Couldn't forget you if I tried, Bliss," he said. "I'll probably be calling you for advice on all the women that will be attracted to my hunky body."

Bliss rolled her eyes under her damp eyelashes. Just then Troy and Becka walked up.

"Whatcha'll talkin' about?" Troy asked, draping his monstrous arm over Nathan's scrawny shoulder.

"How hard leaving is," replied Bliss

"Ya'll remember that song that was out a while back that said something like every new beginning comes from another beginning's end?" asked Nathan.

The three of them nodded in agreement.

"Just 'cause I'm excited about leaving Glass County and starting somewhere else, doesn't mean that I'm looking forward to anything ending between us. Things'll be different and we'll get over it. We'll always see each other in the summer and holidays and stuff. And you can visit me at the beach."

"It's the memories we keep," Bliss said, to finish off what Nathan was saying. "And we all have different ones with each other. And we'll have others. And will make new ones with other people."

"Sho'nuff," Troy said.

And, sho'nuff, graduation time is tough for friends that's been friends for so long. But, hey, they can't stay in high school forever. Them four kids left the school and went to join other kids at various parties and such as that. They planned to enjoy the summer together before they started their new lives, doing different things. Course, long as I been observing the kids at Glass High School, hearing them and hearing about them, the same stuff happens each year. And I'll guarantee, long as I'm here, and evermore, there'll be bunches more seniors that play volleyball together and have near-bout the same conversations as the ones that went before them.