Heather Seanor

Girl Talk

"It was embarrassing. And weird," Cassie told her sister as they brushed their hair before the huge mirror attached to the antique bureau in their small farmhouse bedroom. "Not to mention wonderful and embarrassing."

"You already said it was embarrassing," said Amy.

"Because it was." Cassie put her brush on the bureau and stood in front of the window with her thin, pale arms folded across her 32B chest. Her long white nightgown rippled in the breeze. The full, Ohio moon lit up the field of Mr. Meyer's corn twenty yards from the window, while the smell of dirt wafted through the window's screen and into the noses of the Meyer sisters. Cassie's allergies were acting up and she periodically sneezed into a pink hanky.

Still standing in front of the mirror, Amy watched herself brushing her long, thick, red hair–hair so different from her younger sister's wavy, shoulder-length, auburn hair.

"Why was it so embarrassing, little sister?" she asked. "Kissing shouldn't be embarrassing at all. It should be natural."

"Right. Far from natural." Cassie sat down on her bed, looked at her long, neatly-filed fingernails. The multicolor glitter of the clear-coated polish sparkled under the overhead light of the room. "We were just nervous, I guess. But then..." Her voice trailed off. She was reluctant to tell her sister everything for fear that Amy would laugh at her and say she was silly, or something like that.

"Don't stop there, Cass. Go on." Amy said this to her sister's reflection.

Cassie sneezed twice and looked at Amy. "You'll laugh."

"Not-uh. Bless you. I swear it." Turning to face Cassie, Amy crossed her heart with her pinky and kissed it. She wore a tight grin on her face.

"It's these damn glasses I have to wear." Cassie took off her oval-shaped, silver-framed glasses and dropped them next to the most-recent issue of Seventeen lying on her patch-work quilt. "His nose hit them...they got all askew on my face...he tried to fix them and poked me in the eye."

Amy was still standing by the bureau, hairbrush in hand, forcing her lips together. The scarlet in her face gave away the fact that she was laughing as hard as possible inside, desperately trying to keep her promise–trying not to make a sound. Quickly, she ran to her bed, picked up her pillow and ran from the small room. Once she stepped on the sparkling clean floor of the kitchen, Amy let the pillow absorb her laughter.

"I'm not gullible, you know!" Cassie yelled. "And you're going to hell for breaking a promise."

Amy returned to the room, gasping for air. Her green eyes were shimmering from the remnants of tears.

"Shh, Cass. Don't wanna wake up Dad. He's had a hard week already with those guys from the bank lurkin' around every corner." Before closing their door, Amy checked their father's bedroom door to make sure it wasn't opening. Mr. Meyer was a corn farmer and he worked dawn to dusk on most days of the week, just trying to keep his farm running smoothly. Most nights, he was in bed before nine.

"Cassandra Lilith Meyer...heh-hm...that's just about the funniest thing I ever heard." She flopped down on her yellow and white quilt, keeping the pillow on her lap. "What next?"

"Why do you call me by all three of my names? Mom used to do that."

Amy's smile left her face. "I don't know, really. I just started doing it." Amy tossed the pillow to the head of the bed. "Does it bug you? 'Cause if it does, I'll stop."

"No," said Cassie. "I kind of like it. Makes me feel like Mom is talking."

Amy smiled without showing her large white teeth.

"But if you try making me do the chores you're supposed to do, there's gonna be trouble, if you know what I mean." Cassie sat up straight, raised her left fist and shook it. Her sister nodded and asked her to keep telling her what happened with Andy. The younger sister sneezed again, twice, into her pink hanky. After rubbing her eyes, she put her glasses back on.

"Well, he kept saying, 'Cassie, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I tried to blind you' and things like that. Said he's always been a klutz." Cassie laughed nervously into her hands. "It was a good tension-reliever. Then I said something about it being my fault for wearing glasses instead of contacts and he said, 'Okay, then, it's all your fault.' Then I pushed him a bit and we laughed. He's so cute." Cassie got up from the bed and walked to the single window. Her nightgown billowed just like the thin, light-blue curtains dangling from the wooden rod. "I think September is the best month of the year," she said softly. "It's such a nice night out tonight. Almost like the other night with Andy. The leaves in the trees were clamoring and chatting away. Tons of fireflies danced above the azalea bushes in Mrs. Buckhorn's garden. The moon was a big luminous ball, just suspended in the sky, watching us."

"Cass, spare me the poetry, please, and get on with the good stuff."

"That's part of the good stuff. This was how our first kiss happened. All of the things I just said were part of it."

"Tell me from the beginning what happened," Amy said, excitement in her voice. She was sixteen and had had more than a few first kisses; this was her sister's first first kiss.

"This isn't easy for me because you don't care about everything I care about. I like romance and you don't seem to."

"True," Amy said. "I can do without fireflies and breezes. But you like it so go ahead. My ears are wide open."

Cassie smiled. "After we finished dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Buckhorn told us to go outside and walk around before dessert. While they cleared the table."

"You didn't help clear the table?" Amy was shocked. The Meyer sisters, having been raised in a house where manners really mattered, always cleared the dinner table.

"She wouldn't let me," Cassie said quickly. "I picked up my plate and silverware and was reaching for Andy's when his mom asked what I was doing. I was like...uh...'Clearing the table?'...then she said, no, I wasn't. That's when we were told to go outside."

"They must've been talking about you two. That's a mom trick." Amy took a black hair band from the table between the girls' beds and put her red thick hair into a pony tail. Then she pushed herself back against a large poster of The Backstreet Boys taped to the wall. "What'd they say when you guys went back in?"

"Nothing, really. Just dished out the pie and ice-cream."

"Did Mrs. Buckhorn smile or anything?"

Cassie walked back to her bed and sat on its edge. "She smiled. So did Mr. Buckhorn. It was weird."

"It's weird, anyway, little sister. You two are fourteen and she's inviting you for dinner. You've gotta think that's weird."

"I think it's more weird that Dad let me go," Cassie said, pulling back her covers. "He must like Andy a lot. Or maybe he thought that Mom would've let me go, so he did."

"Mom would love to be sitting in here listening to all this."

"I wouldn't tell her everything, Amy. That'd be gross, don't you think?"

"What's more gross? Kissing or having kids?"

"Point taken." Cassie was silent for a few moments. "I really miss her, Amy. I thought that after two years...I'd have...I don't know." She slouched her shoulders, looked at her glittery fingernails.

"Just thought it'd be different, huh?"

"Something like that." Cassie yawned loudly.

The sisters' eyes roamed around their small farmhouse bedroom, stopping on various pieces of clothing hanging in the closet, or a certain piece of furniture. Cassie crawled under her covers and picked up the Seventeen. On the cover were two teenage girls in fancy dresses, advertising tips for homecoming festivities.

"I'm gonna bust in this bed, Cassie, if you don't finish."

"Well, you keep interrupting my story. Just zip your lips, okay?"

With her right hand, Amy pretended to pull a zipper across her lips.

"Okay, then...where was I? Okay, yeah, well, we left the house and walked out back to his mom's garden. Even though you don't like bushes and flowers much, you'd love this garden, Amy. I'm telling you, it's fantastic. Anyways, Andy was holding my hand, which was no big deal, you know, because we've been holding hands for like three weeks now." Cassie turned toward her sister, who was lying on her side with her head propped on the palm of her right hand. "We were walking and he was talking about the lacrosse team and what a good shot they have to make the play-offs this year–that sort of stuff. I'm not much into sports, you know, but I listened anyway. Then we just stopped walking." Cassie timidly smiled. "He looked at me. I looked at him. And then mayhem came calling."

"I wouldn't call–"

"Stop right there, thank you very much."

Amy rolled her eyes and pulled that zipper across her lips again.

"That's what it seemed like. Mayhem. But after the sorries and all that stuff, he leaned in again and it worked. He pressed his tender lips to mine and I could feel my face about to explode...not...(achoo)...that I wasn't already...(achoo)...beet red from the whole eye-poking thing." Cassie's face was red as a beet once again and tears fell from her eyes from the powerful sneezes.

"Bless you, Sneezy Dwarf." Amy laughed really loud into her pillow, as Cassie snatched the glasses from her face and blew into her hanky. "Sorry, Cass. Really. But the thought of you two doing that is too funny. Too bad it wasn't caught on–"

"Video! Oh, my God, I'd die." Cassie said into her hands. When she recovered from her slight embarrassment, she continued her story. "Then we kissed again. It was pretty strange feeling his tongue on my lips trying to get them apart. Then I got the hint and opened my mouth a bit. He was as awkward as I was." Cassie lay back on her pillow and sighed. "Of course, who am I to judge?"

"So, Cassandra Lilith Meyer,"said Amy, "are you in love with this guy, or what?"

Cassie shot up to a sitting position. "How should I know?"

"Whadaya feel?"

"I...I'm not quite sure, actually. I guess kind of fluttery inside when I think of him. And then while we were kissing, I thought we'd just ooze out of each other's arms and trickle into the soil to become one with the bushes."

Again, Amy rolled her eyes. "Jeez, Cass. You guys were that scared?"

"Not scared. More like nervous as hell."

Amy looked at her sister without blinking. A look of confusion was on her freckled face. Her thin, sculpted eyebrows were arched more than normal.

"I don't know!" Cassie said. "We like each other." She shrugged. "So it was awkward." Throwing the covers from her body, she said, "Okay, then, Miss Experience, tell me how it works with you." Cassie crossed her arms over the chest she hoped would develop at a much faster rate.

"First," Amy said, "I wanna know what you like about Andy Buckhorn."

"That's easy," Cassie told her. "He's super nice, good-looking...but not too good-looking that other girls hang all over him." Cassie tucked her hair behind her ears. "I really like that he's Cherokee. He's got some culture–not like us. I think it's neat." She shrugged her bony shoulders.

"We've got culture, Cass."

"Like what?"

"Well, Grandpa Meyer came over from Germany, didn't he?"

"So?"

"There you...well, hmm." Amy bit her bottom lip. "Culture's the wrong word then. Does he dress up for the festival every year?"

"No," Cassie said angrily. "Don't be so stereotypical. He cares about his heritage, at least that's what he's told me, but he doesn't participate in the events."

"Okay," Amy said. "Sorry. I wasn't making any negative comments. I like to see the costumes and stuff. Don't get all flustered."

Cassie stayed quiet for a couple of minutes while Amy filed her fingernails and hummed to herself. She had to calm herself down after the almost-argument the two sisters were close to starting.

"Oh, and he's generous and shy and attentive," Cassie finally said. "He's got like the

highest grade in our algebra class."

Amy was nodding her head and smiling.

"And he doesn't mind that I try to interrupt my sneezing by talking."

"That's cute, Cass,"Amy said. "Want me to shut the window?"

Cassie shook her head. "I like the smell," she said. "Okay, now you talk, Miss Experience."

Amy sat up. "Well, it depends on the boy," she began. "Take Ricky Cleary, for example. Right after school started, I knew that he liked me. I started to flirt with him a couple weeks ago. Just to drag him along. Then after the first home football game, we sat in his car and kissed and stuff for like an hour."

"What stuff?"

"Oh, you know. Like touching and stuff."

"Elaborate, please. I'm inexperienced, remember?"

"I won't get too detailed," said Amy. "Let's just say that Ricky knows what this full chest of breasts feels like."

Cassie clapped her hands over her mouth. Her sister laughed and continued.

"And his hands felt so good all over my body. MmMm." Amy laughed again because Cassie was bright red. "That's just an example, of course."

"And you don't like him at all?"

"Yeah, I do. Just not like you like Andy. I want the excitement, not the romance."

"So you're saying that because I took it slow with Andy that–"

"I'm not saying anything, Cass. Do what you wanna do."

Cassie was silent for awhile. So was Amy. Both girls flipped through magazines. Amy was reading the latest Teen People. She was mostly looking at the ads for shoes, jeans, junk food, and make-up.

"Here's a quiz, Amy. Fashion."

"Shoot."

"With ten minutes to catch the school bus," Cassie read, "and not a clue about what to wear, you A...toss on the jeans you had on yesterday and the first clean shirt you can find...B...beg your dad to drive you because you couldn't possibly look your best in just a few minutes...or C...raid your mother's closet because you know she has some cool dresses from the eighties."

"Since Mom's not around anymore, I'd have to go with A because Dad would be out on the farm somewhere."

"Bad question. Sorry." Cassie skimmed the quiz for a better question. "Okay. You booted your last boyfriend because he A...kept insisting that you would look really cute if you jazzed up your wardrobe a little...B...made you feel inadequate by having even cooler clothes than you did...C...complained that guys checked you out too much in the clothes that he bought you for your birthday."

"Actually," said Amy, "I ditched my last boyfriend because he kept bugging me to have sex. But, for the sake of the quiz, I'll say...uh...what was B again?"

"Made you feel inadequate because–"

"Oh, yeah. I'll go with C 'cause any guy that buys me sexy clothes...then complains about the looks I get...is just way too insecure. Definitely C."

"I didn't know that's why you broke up with Cooper," said Cassie.

"Yeah. He was too pushy so I pushed him away."

Cassie was silent, staring at her sister.

"What?" Amy blurted.

"You're still a virgin?"

"Yipper."

"I thought–"

"'Cause I mess around that I screw every guy? No way, little sister." Amy pointed at the poster behind her. "I'm waiting for Howie, baby." She winked at Cassie.

"So you jumped on the Britney Spears wagon then?"

"Jeez, Cass," Amy said, taking the gold loop from her left ear. "Look at the guys that both Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson are dating," she said. "If they can hold off...I can. And they're older than I am." She paused. "Or has Britney gotten off that wagon now?" Amy shook her head as if the answer to that question didn't matter. "And, of course, Jessica and Nick are no longer–"

"Wanna come back to this conversation?"

"Right," said Amy.

"But what about all that about going for it? What did he say about you wanting to wait?"

Amy held her hand up to quiet her sister, the same way Cassie had done to her.

"To tell you the truth, I liked Cooper–a lot." Amy folded her legs under her body and sat on her ankles. She was wearing a gray tank top with a pair of black boxers. Her long pony tail hung over her right shoulder. "He's the one I thought that I might have some romantic feelings for. Like you have for Andy."

"I thought you just–"

"I know what I just said, but Cooper was different. Actually, sitting here listening to you talk about Andy like that makes me think of Cooper and how much I really did like him."

"What did you like?"

"Kind of the opposite of what you like about Andy." Amy picked at a mosquito bite on her knee. "I liked that he would mess around in class. When the teacher wasn't looking. He was really careful not to get in trouble. And I just liked the way he looked at me in the hallway or when we sat together at lunch."

She was quiet for a few seconds.

"He's got the most incredible blue eyes–and he always smells so good," Amy said, smiling, looking out the window, as if her sister weren't even in the room anymore. "This may sound weird," she said, "but I liked that he wasn't very attentive in school. To me. Like he kept me guessing if we would get together later that day at his house or something like that. He was mysterious. Cool. And the guy can kiss and touch and a whole lot more, Cass. Whoa." Amy fell to her left, making the bed springs jiggle.

"What happened?" Cassie asked, removing her glasses and gently placing them on the night stand. She rubbed her tired eyes then blew her red nose.

"Well, we went out a bunch of times and hung out with other couples or just singles. And we would mess around. I mean, a lot. It was like whenever we were together–outside of school–we had to be kissing or hugging. Or something. Then he started talking about going to the next level." Amy looked at the clock then at her sister. "Mind if I turn off the light?" Amy crawled over her bed to the switch on the wall that controlled the one overhead light. She quietly opened the bedroom door and checked her father's door again. "I don't need Dad hearing any of this."

When Amy was under her covers, she turned toward Cassie and started talking again, but in a loud whisper.

"We'd already seen each other naked," she began. "His parents work till like six, so most days we'd go to his house after school. We'd get naked in his bedroom, like we were in a soap opera or something. And a few times we almost did it, but I got too scared. I mean, I'm only sixteen. I don't care how many boys I've kissed and jerked off, sex is a whole other ball game. That's big time."

"What did Cooper say about you not wanting to?" Cassie impatiently asked again.

"Hold on a sec, Cass. This is really funny," Amy said. "Once, while we were in his room, we heard his dad come home from work early because he was going to Cooper's little brother's baseball game."

Cassie's mouth was open and her watery eyes were wide.

"So, Cooper jumps up...and...throws on some sweat pants." Amy could barely get her words out, remembering how funny the scene was. "Then there's this knock on the door, right," she said more calmly, sitting up. "Oh, man. All of a sudden, Cooper bunches up all the covers and everything on top of me so it just looked like his covers were all bunched up, ya know."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. I was as still as I could be. His dad just said, 'hey', and left."

"That's scary, Amy," Cassie said, with a smirk. "But pretty funny, too."

"Yeah, that was exciting," Amy sighed. "Anyway, getting back to what he told me. He told me I should think about it more and said to find out about the pill. So I did."

"How?"

"Do you ask this many questions in your classes?" Amy asked.

"If you don't want–"

"No, I do," she said, "it's fine. This is the kind of stuff mom would probably have talked to us about if she were here anyway." Amy wrapped her arms around her legs. Then she said, "I learned about contraception and that stuff in school, but they don't just hand out birth control pills."

"What'd you do?"

"Weird, I guess, but a woman from the clinic downtown came in to talk to my cooking class about testing for HIV and AIDS and other diseases. Then she said something about the pill and how to go about getting it. So I went down there one day with Lavender."

"What'd Lavender do? Did she get the pill, too?"

"She was more like my support system. And, like I said, they don't just hand you the pills and shoo you away." Amy got out of her bed and went to Cassie's. She sat down and pulled her legs up to her chest. "I had to get an examination."

Cassie slowly sat up, her eyes wide with wonder. Her sister was never so straightforward with her as she was being just then. The light-blue curtains continued to flutter in the cool breeze, the corn field's odor still lingering in the room.

"I'd heard all kinds of stories about girls getting examinations and how humiliating it was, that kind of thing. That went against stuff I've read in magazines about it."

"Explain."

"Well, I gave my name and filled out a form. Then Lavender and I just waited around, talking and flipping through magazines. I mean, she's my best friend, so I was glad she was there."

Cassie sneezed. Amy looked over her shoulder at the window. "The moon does light up the world, huh?" She got up to close the window then sat down again on her sister's bed. "Then...uh...the nurse called my name and I followed her to a scale. She weighed me. Took my blood pressure. Then she took me into an examination room. I asked if Lavender could come in and she said, yes, that she would send her in. I was glad when Lavender showed up. It calmed me down a bit. Talk about being nervous."

"I'm glad she was there for you. If you would've told me, I'd've gone with you."

"Thanks, Cass," Amy said, smiling. "The doctor came in...an older guy...and asked me a bunch of questions about my period and sexual activity. Told him I was a virgin and wanted to go on the pill because my boyfriend and I wanted to make love."

"You said that?" Cassie laughed.

"I was trying to be mature. So, the doctor just nodded and asked more questions. Told me what the pill does and how to take it. Some possible side effects. Then he handed me a pamphlet." Amy took the hair band from her hair and slid it on her freckled wrist. "Gave me this little paper thing to put over my body."

"Paper thing?"

"Yeah, it's like a paper dress with a top and bottom."

"You got naked? With the doctor there?"

"No, he left," Amy said. "Yes, I got naked. Behind the curtain. Then Lavender left because I told her I'd be okay because there'd be a nurse in with the doctor during the examination."

Cassie nodded and remained silent, gripping her pink hanky in both hands.

"The doctor came back and told me what was gonna happen. I was nervous until the nurse came in. I laid back and he inserted this metal thing that was cold. I jumped at first because it scared me."

"What's that do?"

"It didn't hurt," Amy said reassuringly and touched her sister's leg. "More like it was uncomfortable. It opens you up so the doctor can look in there, like it's some kind of tunnel or something, and take cultures."

Before Cassie could ask what cultures were, Amy quickly explained.

"That just means he sticks a long q-tip in the tunnel," she said, laughing at her own little joke, "which is really called the vaginal canal. Then the tip of the swab touches the cervix....which was like a prick...then he hands it to the nurse. Then he took another swab and got some cells from the tunnel's walls."

Still, Cassie sat looking at her sister, intrigued. She was taking in all of the information she could for when it was her turn to visit the doctor.

"Then that was it," said Amy. "Oh, wait. He examined my boobs, too, which I thought was the weirdest part. Usually it feels good when a guy touches them, but the doctor touching them was weird. Not like, freak-me-out weird. But weird. Different touching."

"What did you think about?"

"I guess I just kept saying in my head that it was something I had to do so I was doing it."

"What's he checking for? Cancer?"

"Kind of." Amy got silent for some time. Cassie didn't say anything either. Their mother died from breast cancer that was detected very late.

Cassie yawned. "Let's not talk about that anymore, Amy, okay. I don't want to be up all night crying. I've got a big algebra test tomorrow." She pointed at the algebra book on the night stand between the beds.

"No problem," Amy said, getting back under her own covers, but sitting up.

"Did you get the pills?"

"Uh-uh," Amy said, emphatically shaking her head. "I told Cooper a few days later that I didn't wanna get the pills. He kept pushing to have sex with condoms, but I didn't wanna have sex at all."

"What really changed your mind?" Cassie asked.

"The doctor's lecture. He said the pill's not a hundred percent effective...and it doesn't protect from diseases. Could you imagine," Amy said, hugging her knees, "if I got pregnant? I know that I don't have any diseases because I haven't heard anything from the clinic. The nurse told me that no news was good news. But what am I supposed to say to Howie when he comes looking to marry me? 'Oh, hey, do you have any diseases?'"

Cassie laughed. "First, stop dreaming. And second, yes, you are," she told her older sister. "I read about that a few months ago. You have a right to do that, but you can't be shy about it." Cassie turned on her side to look at Amy in the moonlight. "It's your life, right? You've got to be safe."

"Makes sense, Cass. I guess if a guy wants to have sex with me, the least he can do is tell me about his past." Amy stretched out her legs. "Of course, that goes for me, too," she said. "I mean, that's really scary. 'Cause you can't just trust someone to tell you the truth."

"That makes sense, too," Cassie said. "And that article said that if a guy doesn't want to wear a condom, then tell him to forget it...no matter how good-looking he is!" She pointed at Amy.

"Yipper."

"I'm proud of you, Amy. I really am. This may sound crazy, or cheesey, or something, but you're a good role model for me right now. You know, with mom being gone and all."

"Thanks, Cass," Amy said, smiling at her sister. "That's nice to hear. But that doesn't mean you can go getting naked with Andy anytime soon."

Cassie choked on a cough. "Naked!" she managed to say. "My God, we can barely kiss without dying from nervousness or embarrassment. Getting naked would definitely kill us. Then we'd get caught because someone would find us lying somewhere. Naked. Our souls would turn bright red."

"I'm gonna wait a little longer," said Amy. "But, wow, some of the guys I've been with can really make me think about changing my mind. Cooper made me...well, forget it."

"Made you what?" Cassie asked quickly.

"Nope. That's all. I'm finished revealing stuff for the night."

"I think I can figure it out anyway."

"Good," said Amy. "You do that then. But I'm done."

Amy reached over to the antique lamp on the table and pulled the string. Cassie covered her eyes and moaned.

"There's a quiz in this old Seventeen about first kisses. I'll find it and ask you the questions."

Cassie pushed herself up and leaned against the pine backboard, her eyes still adjusting to the bright light. She listened closely as her sister read the questions from the magazine quiz. A peaceful look was on Cassie's face and a wide smile stretched across it.