The Crazy That Happens

Sometimes crazy stuff happens and then sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you can go through a whole week without having anything really amazing or interesting happen, and then some weeks are weeks from hell--you have a ton of homework, tests, quizzes, your lab partner's got chicken pox, and your parents just killed your allowance to help pay for the dent in the fender of their new car. Maybe you don't have a lab partner and you can't even drive yet--that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you look like, or what school you go to, or who you hang out with. All that matters right now--as your eyes go from line to line--is that sometimes crazy stuff happens and then sometimes it doesn't.

HERE'S THE SCENE: Party after prom. Middle-class suburbia in a house.

This is someone's house, but most of the kids here don't know whose–and they don't care. That's just something that happens sometimes. You go to a party at someone's house, spill all kinds of stuff on the floor, puke in the tub, watch your friends pour malt liquor in the fish tank and then you go home without even knowing where you've been. Sure, maybe not you specifically, but that doesn't matter. Nor does it matter whose house this is, why no adults are around, or how these kids got a hold of two kegs and some bottles of liquor. All that matters is that crazy stuff is happening right now and you're watching.

MAIN CHARACTERS:

Carvi Macaroni–17, fast-food worker, bored with extra-curriculars, has a huge crush on Wes Pudinski, went to prom with Wes and did not have fun. Normal height, normal weight, long brown hair she wears in a braid most of the time.

Wes Pudinski–17, plays baseball, uses Carvi when he needs to, does not learn from mistakes. Tall, muscular, short red hair, wears ball cap wherever he goes, left ear pierced.

Tony Verde–16, a good friend to have, sensitive/caring guy, has poster of Christina Aguilera on his bedroom ceiling, parents killed by drunk driver. Average height, six- pack gut, cocoa skin, hair long enough for girls to run hands through.

Michelle Duphopolous–17, almost 18, on dance team at school, parents are loaded with dough. Short, good build, medium length dark hair that is very curly, tongue ring.

NOT-SO-MAIN CHARACTERS: Twenty-three other high school teens.

Carvi has been smoking for six months now. She steals packs of cigarettes from her father's stash in the kitchen pantry. At night, she touches herself and thinks of Wes being on top of her. Wes does not know this and she will not tell him. She won't tell anyone, not even her best friend Michelle. Wes has this thing about himself that boils down to him thinking that he's better at most things than he really is. He's a pretty good short-stop, that's about it. Sometimes his acne gets out of control and he feels insecure so he runs to Carvi for some affection. She always gives it to him. The guy has been treating her this way for two years now–ever since they broke up after five months of going out for a pizza and to a movie. Even though he'll deny this if you ask him, he broke up with Carvi because she wouldn't have sex with him. BUT...she still digs him so that's that.

The only reason Carvi is at this party is because she's a push-over. Michelle talked her into coming tonight--and Wes wanted to come, too. Carvi Macaroni hates her last name and used to get teased when she was a chunky little girl. Two years ago Wes told her to lose more weight so she stopped eating three times a day. She cut it down to once a day and started exercising whenever she had a free minute. Walking two miles before school then jogging two miles after school became her daily routine. When school got out for the summer, she would watch television on her stationary bike and ride fifteen or twenty miles a day. On top of that, she was taking a diarrhetic three times a week, throwing up the food she just ate, and lying to her parents when they asked about all the fast food bags in the trash. Carvi would tell them that she had her friends over sometime during the day. Then she got really sick and was admitted to the hospital for a week. She'd lost thirty pounds too fast and her body couldn't handle it. She was dehydrated and way too thin to be healthy.

After twenty-one counseling sessions and a healthy diet, Carvi has gained back fourteen pounds. And she still rides her stationary bike five times a week for exercise. Crazy stuff happens sometimes, and Carvi still liking Wes is crazy. Right now, she and Wes are in the kitchen eating pretzels. Wes has a cup of beer and is looking for a way to ditch Carvi.

Michelle Duphopolous went to the prom with her kind-of boyfriend, but he isn't at this party because he has church tomorrow. So she came to the party with Tony, Wes, and Carvi. Tony never asked a date to the prom but went alone and had a blast. He danced with all the girls who had boyfriends afraid to cut loose and jam with their friends. Tony told the girls they had wuss boyfriends. While at the prom, he thought that he might get lucky later on because he's what the girls call a hottie without being a real hottie. That just means that he's got a sweet smile, good manners, charm, and a tight butt. He's not like Wes, Mr. Hunkyman, but he's got other stuff to offer the ladies and they know it.

Michelle, unlike Carvi, likes her last name, and she is a tad bit more secure with herself than her best friend. Instead of a thumb on her left hand she has a nub, but it doesn't bother her--she was born like this. Michelle has been experimenting with inhalants at home as a way to get a quick buzz. Dying from the experimentation has never crossed her mind. Some kids are smoking pot around the side of the house right now. But she's not with them. She's with Tony on the couch and his hand is touching the side of her thigh, and he is so turned on by her tan legs. Michelle wore a very short, tight, red dress to the prom, but now she's wearing a pair of cut-off jeans with a gold top. And Tony's got on his favorite blue cargo pants with a gray Adidas T-shirt. Nasty thoughts are running through his head right now but Michelle has no clue.

Tony is really good at math and he really digs his math teacher, Ms. Pepper. He's the teacher's pet and he loves it. More than anything he wants to be a math teacher, and he studies his butt off so he can get into either Stanford, Duke, or Penn State. Michelle gets her highest grades in Technological Advancements of the New Millennium. Chatting on-line with boys from other countries is what she's mostly into. A boy in Rome, whom she chats with on a regular basis, is teaching her little bits of Italian that she practices each night before going to bed. And Michelle keeps her home- page up-to-date with the details of recent dates, what happened on that week's episode of Popular and Dawson's Creek--that sort of stuff. Lots of girls hit on her page to get the scoop on certain guys. Michelle is still a virgin, but also a flirt. Though she never comes right out and says she's slept with any certain guy, she doesn't mind embellishing a bit about her dates.

Michelle and Tony are getting cozy on the couch. Right now Tony would love to make a move on Michelle even though he knows that he'd get shot down. The way she smells is driving him crazy and he really likes the way she talks to any and everyone. It never crosses her mind that Tony is turned on because they have been close friends for six years. Michelle stands up and stretches her arms over head, exposing a tanned belly. Tony's eyes stare.

Wes is talking with a fellow baseball player by the fireplace. Destiny's Child is blaring from the stereo speakers. Four girls are dancing in a circle by the speakers and they're singing loud. One girl looks a lot like Lucy Liu. Wes and the guy he's talking to are looking at the girls and commenting on their bodies, marking each one with a score from one to ten. The reason Wes knows the girl with the tight lavender dress is a ten is because he's been with her before. Back in February they had unprotected sex in the band room at school. One week later, when his pissing got unbearably painful, he went to a nearby clinic to find out what was wrong. Turns out he had chlamydia and was prescribed some pills to take care of things. At first, Wes was really pissed off that lavender-dress girl gave him chlamydia, but after talking with the doctor, he found out that she probably doesn't even know she has the disease because the symptoms in girls can take years to show up. What's crazy is that Wes never told the girl that he got chlamydia from her.

Two minutes ago Carvi was on the back porch trying to have a conversation with a boy from her Spanish class but he kept trying to kiss her. His name in class is Francisco but she's not sure what his real name is. He smelled like beer and cigar and Carvi was getting sick from the smell. So she got up and walked to the line outside the bathroom. The girl in front of her is talking to her friend about being alone with the guy Wes is talking to. Because they see that Carvi is standing there, they don't say any more. Carvi really wants to go home, but she also wants to see what can happen with Wes a little later on. She can't get him out of her head.

The guy that Carvi was talking to on the porch has just found her and he sweeps her away into the dining room. As he kisses her mouth she thinks he's gross. Now she thinks to hell with Wes and she gets into the kissing. She reaches down and squeezes this kid's butt. A return squeeze is given and Carvi feels good. Smiling as she kisses makes the whole thing even more awkward. His braces have cut her lip. When he turns to puke on the carpet, Carvi walks away to find Michelle.

Michelle is not on the couch anymore. She and Tony have walked outside to the pool area. Michelle has a cup of beer in her hand. She really doesn't like beer, but she's drinking it anyway. The same kids are still smoking pot on the side of the house, and Michelle and Tony go over. After taking a hit, she passes the joint to Tony. He declines and that's cool with her. So she passes it off to the guy who brought the four joints. The party has been going on for an hour and already this is the third joint of the four. There are five people standing with Michelle and Tony and they are stoned stoned stoned, laughing and carrying on. One of the guys keeps looking over his shoulders.

Wes is in the upstairs bathroom with a girl he knows from school. Her name is Lois and she's new to the neighborhood. Sitting on the counter in front of Wes, she lets him touch her bare breasts while they kiss. Wes has an erection and he wants to do something about that. He pulls Lois from the counter and leads her into the adjoining bedroom. They take turns strip-teasing. Walking to lock the door, Lois trips on a shoe and falls. But Wes doesn't ask if she's okay--he just lies there and laughs. The lights are off and they are on the floor kissing and groping each other. Both of them are feeling the brunt of the alcohol. On top of Lois, Wes fumbles around for a few moments before the penetration starts.

Tony has left Michelle with those five other guys and now he is talking with a very tiny girl. He is laughing at a joke she just told him and he touches her arms. That horny feeling returns to Tony's body as she whispers into his ear. He pulls the girl's hand to his lips and kisses it. Now she is blushing and telling him that he's sweet. Playing this girl would not be Tony's style. He really likes her and has for a few months. One problem Tony has is that he likes all kinds of girls at the same time. He just likes to experience new things with different girls. That's something his aunt told him was part of growing up.

Six minutes after starting, Lois and Wes are finished. Here they come downstairs. Wes has a big hickey on his neck. Just as he rounds the corner, Carvi spots him and flags him down. When she sees the mark on his neck, she starts kissing him, grabs his crotch, and he yelps because it's still a bit sensitive from the action upstairs. Carvi doesn't care. She keeps grabbing and grabbing. Wes is wondering why she's being so aggressive. She unbuttons his shorts and pulls them down, boxers and all. Wes's mouth is hanging open. Three guys standing close by start laughing and yelling at Wes. Then Carvi turns around and walks away--goes to sit on the couch and is offered a cup of beer. Knowing that she does not handle alcohol well, she accepts the beer and sits with a girl on the couch drinking away. Carvi gulps and gulps. She knows that she may puke like her kissing friend, but she doesn't care. The cigarettes in her pocket are burning a hole so she goes outside to smoke.

TIME CHECK: A few hours later. The house is emptying out.

Michelle and Carvi are dancing with some other girls on the back porch. They are laughing and pretending to be pop stars. Although the night air is getting chilly, all of the dancing girls have taken off their tops and are parading around in their bras. Now Carvi quickly puts her shirt back on because she's embarrassed. After three cups of beer and four hits on a joint, Michelle's buzz rocks so much it worries her because she didn't realize how much she was taking in. When she is offered a swig from a bottle of tequila, she plays it cool saying that she hates tequila and got sick on it at another party. Carvi and Michelle go to a quiet spot near the pool house to talk. Carvi has just seen Wes and can't stop crying. Michelle hugs her and tells her that Wes is a jerk anyway and that she should forget about him. Michelle doesn't know this yet, but a drunk boy just spilled beer on his pants and he's mopping it up with her shirt.

The girl who gave Wes chlamydia is talking to his friend--the same one he was talking with by the fireplace. Wes sees the two of them heading to the downstairs bedroom. Because he doesn't want to feel like a prick, he lets his friend go with the girl. Wes sees Tony in the kitchen and the two of them do shots of vodka. This is all that Tony has had to drink, except for a warm can of Coke that he found in the garage. Wes is really blitzed and starts slurring his words and hanging all over people. There are flecks of powdered cheese in the corners of his mouth and his finger tips are orange from the puffy cheese things he's been stuffing into his mouth. Right now Wes's very loud voice can be heard over the very loud music. And he's got cheesey finger streaks down the length of his white T-shirt. What a mess he is. Even guys try their best to stay clear of him. He tries to dance with the pretty girls on the porch and falls. No one helps him up. Not feeling so good, he stays put for a few minutes.

Carvi wants to leave the party because she has to be home by two-thirty. She tells Michelle to go sit on the couch and wait for her. When Tony flops down beside her, the poor guy starts hiccupping. Michelle giggles at him. By this time, Wes has made his way into the bathroom to throw up. He gets most of it in the toilet, but the rest splatters on the ceramic tiles. He doesn't clean it up because it's not his house and he won't get into any trouble. Wes walks out of the bathroom and plops down on the couch beside Michelle. When she smells his putrid stink, she sits on Tony's lap to escape. Of course, Tony doesn't know what to make of Michelle's mixed signals. He guesses it's just the alcohol--he also knows that Michelle's a flirt. Because she is not wearing a shirt, and can't even find the one she came with, Tony offers to find her one. He goes to an upstairs bedroom and rummages through some drawers. Five minutes later he returns with a very large purple T-shirt. It reaches Michelle's knees, but she's short anyway. The four leave the house.

Michelle knows that she can hardly see straight. Tony does not have his driver's license. Wes is a mess. So that leaves Carvi. It is her car and she did promise to drive everyone home. Even though she's feeling a little light in the head, she decides to drive. The four pile into the car. None of the kids at the party knew this, but the cops had set up a drunk-driver's check-point. When Carvi makes a right onto Hillcrest Avenue, she gets a rude awakening. Wes tells her to play it cool and nothing will happen. A bit relieved that Wes said that, Carvi begins to think that she can pass on through without any problems. Right after Carvi pulled away from the curb, someone called that house to warn the others of the check-point. Too bad for Carvi and her crew that they didn't wait a few extra minutes before leaving.

THE SCENE: Police station off the boulevard. Two-forty AM.

At the police station, the kids sit in a cell not speaking to anyone. Because they are under eighteen, each of these teens needs to be picked up by a parent or other adult family member. Carvi has called her father. Michelle has called her father. He wants Michelle to suffer in jail for the night, but Mrs. Duphopolous convinces him to go and get their daughter now. And Wes's parents have left town for the night, so he will call his older brother who is sick with the flu. First he has to take time out to puke in a trash can. Tony has called his aunt. There are seven other kids from their school in the same cell. Carvi is crying on Michelle's shoulder because she knows that her parents will not trust her for a very long time. Tony knows that his aunt will want to kick his ass for being so stupid. Before he left the house, she told him to use his head.

Mr. Macaroni has just arrived. His daughter's license will be revoked for six months and her car has been impounded. This, he is told, is what happens to all under-
age drunk drivers. Because he is so pissed off, Mr. Macaroni yells at everyone in the cell for being so irresponsible. He doesn't care whose kids they are. All of the kids in the cell don't know that one guy from the party gunned his car down the street and crashed into a parked van. His neck was broken and he was taken to the hospital, paralyzed.

LAST SCENE: Funeral home, four days later.

Sometimes crazy stuff happens and sometimes it doesn't. But a lot of the crazy that does happen is not good crazy. It may feel like good crazy or fun crazy at the moment, but later, you might change your mind. Or get it changed for you. Take, for instance, the kid with the broken neck. When he gunned that car down the street, that was fun crazy to him. But he's no longer laughing.

Counseling sessions at school are available and the kids got half the day off to attend the services. Placed here and there are pots and displays of pretty flowers. Carvi and Michelle are whispering near a large mirror with two other girls from school. Lots of teenagers are mulling around the parlor talking to each other in loud whispers. Some have never been to a funeral before. Most of these kids are wondering how the crash happened because their friend wasn't that drunk.

There is a short service for the boy who died. His parents are very distraught and his little sister is just sitting there like a zombie. Once the service is over, the congregation moves into the parlor again for a spread of finger foods. The casket is wheeled into the parlor and will be taken to the cemetery when guests leave. Groups of guys huddle in the corners talking about how much they drank at the various after- prom parties. And there's Wes talking in one of the groups. The navy jacket he's wearing is too small for him and his baggy khakis are in dire need of ironing. He just told his friend that something like this would never happen to him because he knows how to drive under the influence. The friend turns slowly to look at the closed casket.