Day One:
Here many people. Hobbits, Elves, Jesus…much fun…
Goal of day: See how many people like to smoke pipeweed…
Later
High-high. Whoopsy-daisy. Hi-hi. 1000047 pounds of pipeweed left…finished three this morning. Yes I did. Hahaha. Lesse. What else did I do? Hmmmm…smoked! Haheheha. Aragorn, son of Arathorn…messenger of Gondor…much feeling bad. Trying to say something to me…don't remember what it was though. Hobbit full of fun.
Even Later
Legolas the Elfy-Elf nice. Very pretty. So is…ME! Wait…no, no, no…that's not right. Hmm…I'm confused. Oh well. Need more pipeweed.
Goal reached: 2 ½ people enjoy pipeweed.
Day Two:
Haha. Pretty Elf goes *plunk* right off the cliff. Very merry. Merry. I dunno. 1000042 pounds of pipeweed. Must see if I can sell some.
Goal of the day: How many pounds can I smoke in one day?
Later
Well, now there's only 1000025 pounds of pipeweed left. Some was stolen, some was smoked, and some was sold. (Some Elf-whores in the forest—like very much, I guess.)
Even Later
Merry and Pippin. Those fools. They stole my pipeweed. Now they're running around singing, "Look at me! I'm a birdie!" Honestly. Good Lord. Must hide this for a day.
Goal reached: Smoked 4 ¼ pounds. Rest was stolen. Grr.
Day Three:
Have pipeweed withdrawal. Hmm. Galadriel is Frodo's lil' bitch. I have taught him well. Wonder how many pounds it would take for her to be mine…no…must resist smoking. Well…hoom, hoom. Oh, look! Now I'm an ent. Yes. Oh Gondor…
Goal of the day: How many hours can I go without pipeweed?
Later
Gimli, Gimli, Gimli. How many times have I told you to shut up? A wizard never goes the wrong way. He thinks it's my fault we're here. Told him to shut it with the middle finger. Oh yeah, he got quiet pretty fast.
Boromir has little Elf bitches now too. Where's mine, eh? Maybe Arwen is interested…
Even Later
Approached Arwen and gave her my offer. She slapped me and called me a "dirty old man" (as if!) and went to take a bath. I then asked if I could join her, and she rendered me unconscious. Have just woken up with big bump on my head.
Goal reached: 21 hours…and counting…
Day Five:
Too long without pipeweed. Must smoke some…
Goal of the day: See how many colored smoke rings I can blow.
Later
Woohoo! Everyone enjoys these! Look, there's blue, red, orange, yellow, green! YES! I MADE PURPLE!! Where is Aragorn? Asked Elrond if he would like to visit Narnia (considering he is a transvestite, he might enjoy it). When he looked confused, I just laughed to hide my disappointment. Is there someone else in this picture?
Even Later
Boromir has more Elves. Why don't they flock to me? I'm just as cute as he is! Actually, even more so! And a more impressive Horn of Gondor. Well, I'll have to come up with a plan to get them.
Goal reached: 12 colors! Yippee!
Day Six:
Cannot find pipeweed again. Must have been those two hobbits—yeah, uh-huh, yeah, them. Must see if I can set Galadriel on them. Oh wait. She's getting more fishsticks for the Ringbearer. She should get some for me…yeah…
Goal of the day: See how long I can keep pipeweed away from young Frodo.
Later
That song of Ara…er…Ara—him, yes. Too religious. More than anyone else on this plain put together. Much very high. Heeheehee. Got pipeweed back. Evil hobbits stole a pound though. Stole many things. Then attacked Sam. Probably good to get him away from Frodo. Heehee!
Even Later
Mr. "Prince of the Ponies" sir man—thing…rather annoying. Elrond (the Elfy still here) tries on his daughter's dresses. Eek. Well, I bet they'd look better on me.
Goal: 19 hours, still counting…this one could last a while…
Day Seven:
Those two hobbit-stealing pipeweeds. Er…pipeweed-stealing hobbits. Fell off cliff today. Took carrots with them. At least didn't take the cucumbers. Safe for now.
Goal of the day: Still no pipeweed for poor, poor Frodo…
Later
Well, today…er…forgot what I was writing about…
Even Later
Boromir got Frodo into his trap with old Horn of Gondor thing. Heehee. Must be how he has those Elves…crafty little man, he is…
Goal reached: 43 hours…haha…
Day Eight:
Well, Aragorn took some of my pipeweed today. Took some more of my pipeweeed, but, on the upside, he is very fun when he is high. He played with some of the flowers. Watched him for awhile. Frodo came up and asked for some. I didn't want to give any more up…anyways, Frodo is definitely not manly enough…I wonder how to slip some to Elrond…
Goal of the day: Think of another goal of the day.
Later
Lalalala…must make pretty song…shall sing for a bit now…
Even Later
Gollum left the fishstick boxes on Gimli’s bed. Ha! Little Dwarf is mad now! Going to congratulate Gollum. Will reward him with a few more fishsticks…heehee…
Goal reached: No success…am running out of things to do…
Day Nine
Was rudely interrupted today. I was trying to light my pipe up in the bathroom when Elrond just barged right in, and locked me in here with him. As if I actually want to be stuck in here with him and his foul haircut (courtesy of Arwen).
Goal of the day: Still thinking…
Later
Smoking…smoking in the bathroom…rather cloudy in here…but made a new color! Turquoise! Yes! Puff…puff…this is fun…
Even Later
Well, Elrond found a "hair extension kit." Really, it was only spaghetti I conjured up after he locked us in to have for dinner. You should see how silly he looks! And he thinks they're such "lustrous locks." Haha!
Goal reached: …Didn't think of one.
Day Ten:
YES! FINALLY! The lock is off. Am smoking a pound to celebrate. 1000012 left. Yes! Hmm…Elrond ran out screaming, "YOU WON'T ESCAPE THIS TIME!!" Wonder where he is off to…
Goal of the day: See if I can get the Elves onto pipeweed…that may involve finding Elrond…
Later
Gave pipeweed to Arwen. Yay! Flouncing around in the flowers with her Prince of the Ponies. Heehee…
Even Later
Hmm…Elrond still not back. Heard him screaming from the forest about Neo something earlier though. Do not know what that was about. Haven't seen him since lock broke off this morning……
Goal reached: Got Arwen onto it…but…still can't find Elrond.
Day Eleven:
Elrond stumbled back into camp this morning. Looks rather disheveled. Is still wearing spaghetti, though. Heeheehee! Well, Arwen also seems to think it's really hair. She's screaming about stealing her extensions. Going to see if I can calm her with some pipeweed.
Goal of the day: See how long Elrond walks around with spaghetti hair.
Later
Dadada! Dadada! Yes. Today is…pipe day. I made that up. I'm Gandalf the Gay! Er—Grey!! That's what I meant. No, I'm not gay, no, am not!
Gollum has given his "precious" to the young hobbit in exchange for a FISHSTICK!! The new Ringbearer will succumb to its evils…Urgh, sound like Aragorn. Off to go smoke.
Even Later
Arwen began shrieking about hair again. Blew smoke in her face. She shut up, but began staring at me with a glazed look. Ran away as fast as I could. Am in hiding…don't tell her where I am…
Goal reached: 17 hours, then Sam tried to eat his head.
Day Twelve:
Gimli the Dwarf got kicked off by Gollum. Gollum voiced his opinion of Gimli—a hairy asshole—and I must say, I agree!
Goal of the day: Celebrate because Gimli is gone.
Later
Have reason to believe Aragorn stole more of my pipeweed. Only 100010 now. Hmm…must find it…supply dwindling…going to hide the rest.
Even Later
Wish I could remember where I hid my pipeweed. Elrond has been wearing Arwen's dresses again. He found the sparkly one I wore yesterday in the back of the closet…he'll probably rip a hole in this one too…
Goal reached: Well…was going to celebrate by smoking…but…cannot find it…
Day Thirteen:
Smoking again…oh I wish that I were smoking again…well, I am……got a new color today—pastel pink. Yay. Is my new favorite. Thinking, thinking—what to do now? Little Gollum is hopping about with a handful of fishsticks. Am curious. Must go see what he is doing.
Goal of the day: Aim for rainbow-smoke.
Later
I wonder what everyone else is doing. What can they do without me? Gollum disappeared again, and now there are four fishstick boxes gone. Frodo is running from Sam. Aragorn is in his field. Boromir is in the forest. Arwen and Galadriel are only Gondor knows where. Elrond fell asleep in his room. I don’t think I will wake him up…
Even Later
Found Arwen. Slipped her some more pipeweed. Mistake. Am now hiding in the trees from her. Elves get very funny when high. Ooh…I can see Boromir and his Elven whores from up here…hmm…moving over a few trees…
Goal reached: Got red/orange/yellow…hmm…will work…
Day Fifteen:
Wandered around for a while. Nobody doing anything. Am quite bored now. Elrond is still asleep…wonder how long an Elf can sleep, anyway…
Goal of the day: Get green/blue/purple of rainbow perfected.
Later
Elrond finally woke up. He got up, freaked out, and then meandered into Arwen's closet again. Tried on her unmentionables today. Getting awfully brave, that Elf is. Oh no…Frodo just caught him. And ran away. Never seen someone whose legs are so short run so quickly. Well, have found source of entertainment for a few hours. Someone is going to tell Arwen to go into her room around this time tomorrow, though…should be humorous.
Even Later
Hinted to Frodo that he may get pipeweed soon. Sad to get his hopes up, but amusing nonetheless to see him jump up and down 846 times. Boromir has come back for a few hours. Maybe I can steal his Elves while he's away…? Hahaha…while the Ranger's away, his Elves will play…with the mighty Gandalf the Gay—GREY, I MEAN GREY!
Goal reached: SUCCESS! Am now able to create full rainbow of smoke! YES!
Day Sixteen:
Aragorn came up to me and tried to speak to me. I suppose he wanted some more pipeweed, but I’m not giving any more up. He’s going to have to pay for it if he wants any more. No more Mr. Nice-Wizard.
Later
Elrond finally off. Ha! Told Arwen to go into her room. She caught him! Threw him off. Must go get new boyfriend now. Am getting very bored with life here. You know what I need? I need a smoke. I haven’t tasted it in a few hours. Need some fun.
Even Later
Wheeee! Gandalf phone home! Wait…where’s home? Where’s my phone? Where is everything?? It’s all black! SOMEONE LACED THE PIPEWEED!
Day Seventeen:
*Yawn*…oh boy…rained a lot last night. Big, big puddle on ground. Go splash! Yay. Need some more pipeweed…
Heehee…just pushed Sam into the puddle…
Later
Have found Galadriel. Gave pipeweed away. Only making Aragorn pay for it. Galadriel is almost as fun as Arwen. Frodo walked in and saw us. Whoopsies. Oh well. Ladeda…
Even Later
Yadadadadada…boy-oh-boy. Rather tired now. Gollum fished in the puddle today. Hmm…wonder if he caught anything. Oh well, I shall have some fishsticks for dinner anyway. Mmm…
Day Eighteen:
I only have 1000000 pounds left. Cannot remember why I’m here, but I seem to be on a large rock wearing an Elven bathing suit. I really need my bikini line re-waxed. Wait…is that a…bird? With my…my PIPEWEED? I’ll get you!! I’m flying…flying…GIVE ME MY PIPEWEED BACK! I can fly! See, see…see…s—oh shit.
My pipeweed is up there. Only have five pounds with me…what will I do????????
