Invading the Fellowship

Part Eight

 

"Isn't this the way to Lothlórien?" #5 asked #8, gesturing down a path.

"No, it's this way," #2 argued, pointing in the opposite direction.

"Yer all gots no durn sensa directions," Larry sighed.

#6 looked up. "Hey! I though we got rid of you!"

"Nope!" Larry said brightly. "Them Powerpuff girls was outta town on vacation, so I came back here!"

"Oh boy…" #1 muttered.

"Hey, you guys, we're too many now," #4 said. "Larry, sorry, but we already got you a replacement!"

"Oh, hey, that's okay, I can leave!" Raziel offered. "I have to…er…go do…something. You have Larry back now! Bye!" Before any of the wraiths could stop him, Raziel ran away.

"Damn," #7 grumbled. He glared at Larry. "Now we're stuck with him again…"

"Okay, now as I were saying b'fore, Lórien is this way." Larry walked down a dirt path.

"Well…I guess we don’t' have any better ideas," #3 sighed.

The Ringwraiths all shrugged and followed Larry to Lothlórien.

 

***

 

Sami was the first on up the next morning. She pulled a notebook out of her backpack. "Hmm…" she muttered to herself, thinking. "What to write in Arwen's account…"

"What?" Pippin asked, waking up.

"Er…nevermind."

Ewan woke up too. "We could be heroes, forever and ever…" he said sleepily.

"Yay!" Sami said. "I got him to sing!" Renee, Megan, and Katie woke up at this.

"Do you have to be such an earlybird?" Renee grumbled.

"What's wrong with being an earlybird!" Megan wondered aloud.

"Too early," Renee responded.

Legolas stood up, looking around. "Has anyone seen my hairbrush? Or my shampoo?"

"Galadriel took it," Merry told him.

"WHAT?! It was bad enough stealing my hairstyle…I'm going to get her this time!" Legolas shrieked. He ran out, looking for his precious hair supplies.

"Heehee!" Merry snickered, pulling the shampoo out of his pack.

"Nice," Renee said, and promptly rolled over back to bed.

"I don’t think so!" Sami said, throwing a pillow at her.

"Argh. No," Gimli grumbled.

"Oh, shut up," Katie said to him.

"Leave me alooooone! I want to freaking sleep!"

"Ahhh, no ya don't!" Sami coaxed, and pulled the blanket off her.

"Oh, come on! Let me have it back!" Renee whined.

"Nopers," Sami said. "Everyone up! Come on!"

Everyone eventually got up with much grumbling from Renee. They went to the hall to go get some breakfast.

"Argh. Where's the coffee?" Renee yelled.

"I was just going to say that," Gimli replied.

"Were not."

"Was too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Katie, do you still have the remote?" Boromir groaned loudly over the bouts of "not" and "too" ringing in the background.

"Sorry, it's in my backpack back at the house."

Boromir sighed. "Argh," he said in short reply.

"Okay, let's try this," Megan spoke up. "Hey chunky-dwarf-man?" At this Gimli looked up. "Wow that's cool," she commented. "Anyway," she continued, standing up on her chair, "there's an aloof unavailable dwarf princess in the forest!" She pointed.

"WOOHOO!" Gimli said and pranced (if Dwarves prance) over to the forest.

"Gondor! Now where's my damn coffee?" Renee yelled.

"Definitely not a morning person! ^o^" Sami said cheerfully.

"And, Understatement of the Year goes to, drumroll please, brrrrrrrrrrr….SAMI!" Renee said with mock excitement.

Sami turned to reply to this, but was cut off by Legolas walking in.

"Apparently, Galadriel does not have my shampoo," he shouted. "SO WHICH ONE OF YOU DID IT?"

Everyone, afraid of having bits of blonde Elf stuck on them, wordlessly pointed at Merry.

"Aw, crap," Merry said. "At least I still have Pippin." He looked over at Pippin, who was hiding behind a rock, pointing a finger at Merry. "K, maybe not."

"GET OVER HERE YOU LITTLE HALFLING! GIVE ME MY SHAMPOO!" Legolas screamed, chasing after Merry.

"Ahh! AAAAHHH!" Merry took off running.

So, while Gimli frolicked in the forest, trying to find the Dwarf princess, and Legolas chased Merry 'round the room, the rest of the company (ixnay on Gandalf) enjoyed brunch.

"Now, to the Hall for music and dance!" Aragorn announced.

"Yes!" Sami cheered.

"Music…dance…?" Renee stared blankly.

"Yes, now is the time you sing us a song from your homeland," he explained as they all walked into a building that could only be the music hall.

"Um…er…"

"Hey, Katie, Sami, Megan! You all play instruments! You guys can make something up!" Renee said.

"Let's play the WW choir song! Or An American Elegy! Or the Suite in Eb!" Megan said excitedly.

"Yeah, if we had instruments," Katie said.

"Oh, right," Renee said.

"Oh, but we have instruments!" Haldir said suddenly.

"We do?" Megan asked.

"Well, he was originally from here, you know," Katie replied.

"Ahh, okay."

"We do, though," stated Haldir. "We have the Elvish botwon, a rather Dwarf-looking nosti, and a very big plesarch."

"A what?" Renee asked.

"Er…we have things like flutes, clarinets, and oboes," Sami told him.

Haldir looked puzzled for a moment, then shrugged. "Ah, well you're screwed then," he said cheerfully.

"Thanks for looking on it so brightly," Megan said.

They entered the music hall and took one of the last tables. It was very overcrowded, and Megan didn't have a chair.

"Oliver," she said, "I need a chair."

"Hmph," he replied, getting out his wand. "Accio chair!" he cried. The chair nearest to them dumped out a blonde Elf and flew next to him.

"Sweet!" Renee said. "Can I try?"

"Whatever," he said, handing over his wand.

"Lumos," Renee muttered the first spell that came to her. A bright light sprouted out of the wand.

"Wow," Sami said.

"Never knew I could do that!" Renee said. "Nox."

"Sweeeet!" Sami said, grabbing the wand. "Wingardium Leviosa!" she yelled, pointing at the first person she saw, who happened to be Pippin. He rose a few feet into the air. "Harhar! This rocks!" Sami exclaimed.

"Er…can you put me down?" Pippin asked. "Please?"

At that moment, Sam came rushing over and ran into Sami. She fell over, and Pippin crashed to the ground.

"Owwwwwww…" he complained.

"Sam did it!" Katie said. "Haldir, go teach him another lesson!"

"Gladly!" Haldir replied, taking Sam away and holding a large bat.

"So," Megan said, "I can sing a song!" She started to sing some various All-District song, but was cut off by Legolas prancing into the hall (followed by a rather battered looking Merry).

"I shall perform a song and dance first!" Legolas announced. He cleared his throat and cued the piano.

"I feel pretty!" he sang, skipping around in circles. "I feel pretty! I feel pretty and witty and—crap, I forgot how the rest of the song goes!"

"At least I had my song memorized," Megan grumbled.

"And—and—oh, I can't remember!" he said tearfully.

"And gay," Sami filled in helpfully.

"That's it! I feel pretty, and witty, and gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

There was silence in the hall. Then Ewan snorted. That set everyone off.

Link was on the floor, laughing so hard he was crying. "So—true!" he hiccupped, gasping for air. "Hahahahahaha!"

Legolas did his famous pout. "It means happy," he tried to explain. But even Renee and Sami were laughing.

"Ooooooops," Katie said with mock sympathy. "Oh well, next! We need more entertainment!"

 

"Hey, you're the band, right?" one of the security guards asked #5.

"You got that right."

"Okay, go set up on stage." The guard motioned for the group to go in.

"Ladies 'n' gentlemen! Mortals 'n' Immortals 'n' everything in between! Here for you entertainment tonight………THE RINGWRAITHS!" The announcer dude stood up. Raving Elf‑fangirls immediately flocked to the stage and started screaming.

"Mr. Frodo!" Sam cried. "It's the ringwraiths!"

"Aragorn! We need fire! Make a fire!" Frodo began screaming.

"But why?" Aragorn said, looking up from making out with Arwen in the corner.

"The ringwraiths are here!!" Frodo shouted.

"Oh my!" Aragorn replied, letting Arwen slip to the floor.

"Oh yeah, dude I got you ring! Duuuuuude, yeah! Let's go suntanning! Uh-huh, huh, huh!" Ringwraith #1 sang.

"Hey…they're not half-bad," Pippin commented.

"Hey, #3 is kinda cute," Sami said.

"Sami?" Renee said.

"Yeah?"

"No."

"But why?"

"He's half-freaking-dead, that's why!!" Renee yelled at her.

"…And…what's your point?" Sami blinked.

"What about me?" Ewan asked.

"What the—hey!" Renee tugged on a long braid on Ewan's head. "Where'd you get that?"

"Er…I dunno." He shrugged.

"EMERGENCY!" An Elf ran in screaming. "We're out of wine!"

"Nooooooooooo!" Boromir shrieked. He started crying and Gimli had to lead him out of the room.

"Fear not! I will fix that!" Aragorn walked out towards the lake. He mumbled something to the sky, and the lake glowed dark pink. "Behold! I have changed water into wine!"

"Will you stop with the Jesus tricks already?" Megan mumbled.

"They're creeping me out," Sami commented.

"You know what?" Renee asked out of the blue.

"Huh?" Boromir asked, coming back in.

"Legolas sounds a lot like 'legless.' "

"Well…" Ewan said, amazed by her stupidity.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sami was rolling.

"Renee! Thou shall not make fun of Legolas!" Aragorn bellowed.

"Yeah, he can't help it that his name sounds funny," Megan told her.

Legolas was turning that odd shade of read again. Link mumbled something, but no one heard him over the music of the wraiths.

"Pour some suntan lotion on me baby!" #1 kept singing.

"Isn't that from our world?" Megan asked.

"Yeah, it's that 'Sugar' song," Sami replied. "You know, 'Pour a little sugar on me baby…pour a little sugar on me honey!' "

She stopped singing as Merry and Pippin began dancing. They were rather scary, doing an odd sort of stripper-wannabe dance. However, Elf-girls were soon forming a big circle around them.

"Hey, Merry, look, we're famous!" Pippin said, pointing at the girls.

"I KNOW! XD" Merry yelled over the music."

"But…but…that's my Pippin!" Renee said.

"Uh-uh-uh!" said Katie, coming back from shopping with Haldir and Gollum. Sam abruptly pulled out a pitchfork, but Haldir reached him first and dragged him behind a rock.

"What?" Renee asked.

"He's my hobbit, remember?"

"But you have Haldir and Gollum, and Link! At least give me Pippin!" Renee pleaded.

"No, no, no!" Katie said, stifling a laugh.

"Fine. Legolas, let's dance," Renee said to the still angry-looking Legolas.

"Wow, one of these days we're going to wake up, and there are going to be chunky bits of Elf all over everything," Link stated.

Then, Renee's voice rose above the crowd, "BUT IT DOES SOUND LIKE 'LEGLESS.' "

The crowd stopped dancing, the wraiths stopped singing, and Renee stopped yelling, looking faintly embarrassed.

"Well…it does…" she began.

"Okay dudes, peace-out and Gondor bless!" With that, the wraiths exited.

"So…what in Gondor's name was that all about?" Frodo asked.

"What? They just wanted to play some music. Pretty good in my opinion!" Katie said.

"So they're not after the ring?"

"Er…"

"Oh yeah!" #4 cried. "We're supposed to get that Ring for Saruman!" He came running back. "Give up the halfling, she—er…thing!"

"If you want him, come and claim him!" Renee cried, looking around. "Damn, where's my sword?"

"HEY!" Megan said indignantly. "That's that aloof, unavailable Elf princess's line!"

"Oops, sorry," Renee said.

"Nîn o Hithaeglir lasto beth daer; Rimmo nîn Bruinen dan in Ulaer!" Sami chanted. Everyone looked around.

"Um, don't you kind of have to be near the 'Waters of the Misty Mountains' for that to work?" Katie asked.

"Oh, yeah, heh…" Sami blushed. "Great, I've probably flooded the place now."

"Hey…you know what?" #1 asked the rest of the wraiths. "What's in this for us, anyways?"

"Yeah," #2 spoke up. "Why are we getting this Ring?" The rest of them shrugged.

"Let's go surfing," #8 suggested.

"Okay!" the wraiths agreed brightly. They left.

"Soooo…" Megan said.

"Sure," Sami answered.

"Okay, so, now that we've them off our backs, what now?"

"I don't know, but I'm all for staying here," Boromir said, eyeing some more Elves.

"We should really be going though," Sam disagreed.

"But your opinion doesn't count," Renee pointed out, glancing at Haldir as she said it.

"Oh…yeah…"

"Argh," Gimli spoke up. "We should now go to the Misty Mountains."

"What is it with you and mountains?" Sami asked. "Anyway, we've already been there."

"Mountains are big." Gimli shrugged.

Renee laughed. "Gimli, are you compensating for something?"

Having also seen Shrek, Sami fought a laugh.

"Sorry, couldn't resist," Renee said.

"Oliver, I'm bored," Megan whined.

"Huh? What?" Oliver looked at her. He had been staring at an Elf.

"HEY!" she said, bashing him over the head.

"Ow…sorry," he mumbled.

"Haldir, go beat Sam up!" Katie commanded.

"Okay."

"What did he do now?" Merry asked, back from dancing.

"Who cares?" Renee replied, turning around. "Well, I think it's time to go back to the house."

Agreeing, the rest of the "Fellowship" followed her.