Invading the Fellowship

Part Seven

 

"Whatever," Katie said. "Link, can you walk?"

"I just got shot in the ass with an arrow, and you're asking if I can freaking walk?!" Link screamed.

Legolas giggled, which earned him a firm elbow in the stomach from Katie.

"Mr. Frodo, where's Mr. Frodo?" Sam pined.

"He's crying over there." Renee pointed to some rocks.

All of the sudden, Merry and Pippin howled out, sobbing hysterically.

"What is it?" Sami exclaimed. "Who died? Well, I mean, besides Gandalf."

"That's it! Gandalf had all of our vegetables!" Pippin wailed.

Renee and Sami looked at each other and began to giggle.

"Aww…your carrots?" Renee asked with mock sympathy. "S'okay Pippin, we'll find more…" His face looked more hopeful, but Merry went on.

"It's not just…*sniffle*…the carrots!" he whimpered. "It was all of them…the cabbages, the corn…the sprouts, mushrooms, tomatoes, beans, broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, eggplant, cucumbers, squash, radishes, and turnips, too!" He sniffled some more.

"Turnip-ball!" Katie exclaimed.

"It's pickle-ball, for the last time…" Renee told her witheringly. "Hey…wow, you remember how we got here?"

"Yeah, I do…it was all your fault!" Sami said.

"Hey, would you rather be here with Ewan, Oliver, Legolas, and Pippin—with his cute little Irish accent—or back there taking classes with Mr. Livengood and Mr. Hood and—"

"All right, all right, point well received," Sami muttered back.

"But it was your fault, Renee," Megan pointed out. "You were the one who said, 'Let's go into Ms. Borger's office!' "

"Okay, maybe I did. You didn't have to listen!" Renee replied. "And, besides, who knocked over that thingy in her office?"

"Not me!"

"Yes, you!"

"Couldn't be!"

"Then who?"

"Pippin stole the cookies from the cookie jar!" Megan burst into song.

"I did! I admit it!" Pippin said, looking around. "How did you find out?" Everyone looked over at him. "Er…I mean…'who, me?' "

"Where have all the cookies gone?" Sami asked.

"Into Hershey's Cookies and Cream!" Renee replied.

"Wait," Merry said. "I thought they were in Pippin."

"Oh boy…" Katie muttered. "Hey, you guys, it was Mr. FREAKING Brown that brought us here, remember?" The Fellowship stared. "Now, let's go!" she commanded.

"Ay, ay, cap-i-tan!" Renee said, saluting. This earned her a particularly vicious glare from Katie.

"By nightfall, these hills will be swarming with orcs," Aragorn explained.

"Yrch!" Sami and Renee said at the same time.

"Very nice," Legolas commented, smiling. Ewan gave him a dirty look.

"Frodo! FRODO!" Aragorn yelled. Frodo stopped walking and looked back. "What? The cute lil' hobbit needs to go sulk now."

"Cute little hobbit needs to get his ASS up here so we can go. I need to get this ARROW removed now…" Link shouted to him. Frodo hurried up, after seeing Link look very evil.

So, finally, after getting everyone and everything together, the Company started forth. They had walked about a hundred feet when Legolas stopped them.

"Lothlórien," he sighed.

"Well, that was fast," Katie said.

"Yeah, we could have been there before if we just looked over the hill" Renee said matter-of-factly.

"Ohhhhhhh…" The Company said together.

So, they walked into the wood, where they were met by a group of Elves.

"Haldir of Lórien," Aragorn said.

"Yeah?" Haldir spoke up from the back of the group.

"Er…" Aragorn trailed off.

"Sorry, I'm his third cousin, twice removed," the Elf in front explained. "But you can, of course, see the resemblance."

"But I'm prettier than them," Legolas grumbled under his breath.

"Ah, Daldir! What a surprise! I haven't seen you for about…a hundred and fifty years!" Haldir said.

"Geez…" Ewan said. "No, that's not a long time at all…"

"Yeah, well, anyway, you're all invited to crash in Lothlórien for a while, but we have to blindfold that chunk of a Dwarf for this," Daldir explained.

"Argh…" Gimli grunted.

"Fine, see if we care." Sami kicked Gimli over towards Daldir.

"WHERE'S IVAN?" Katie suddenly shrieked.

"I'm right here." Ivan piped up from behind Haldir. He appeared. "Hellooooo!"

"T.T Don't run off like that!" Katie swung him around before clutching him in a death-squeezing hug.

"Ack! I'm all right! Let me go!" Ivan somehow managed to break free from her iron grasp. "Ow…"

"Yeah, he's fine…" Link grumbled. "Can I get rid of this arrow now?"

"Yeah, yeah, okay, hang on." Katie snapped her fingers. "Egg roll."

"NO! NO MORE PEOPLE!" Renee cried.

"I know." Katie blinked. "But Ivan has to go."

"Yeah. Later guys!" Ivan walked into the plothole and disappeared.

"Such magic…bet Gandalf couldn't do that," Merry said to Pippin.

"Come," Haldir called to the party. "To Lothlórien." He led them into the city. Elves clothed in white either sat silently meditating, or were sparring with each other.

"Hey, cool!" Renee looked around. "More samurai Elves!"

"Hey!" Link screamed again. "FORGET THEM! I'M GOING TO BLEED TO DEATH!"

"These Elven doctors with help you." Daldir returned with two Elf-women. Link perked up.

"Don't even think about it!" Katie shrieked. She grabbed Link by the back of his tunic collar and dragged him towards the living quarters. "Stupid Elf women…"

"Halt!" Aragorn appeared in front of them.

"Um…nice change of clothes," Megan snickered. Aragorn was now dressed in a white robe and had a red sash draped around him too.

"What?" Katie blinked. "I'm gonna be a doctor. I know what I'm doing!"

"Thee is not yet registered and I don't trust thee alone with him."

"PERVERT!" Katie was about to slap him, but Renee held her back.

"Don't hit Jesus!" she reprimanded Katie, shaking her finger at her.

"u.u Okay, fine," Katie sighed. "Haldir, you and Gollum keep watch outside my door."

"Very well," Haldir picked up Gollum and followed Katie.

"Where'd Renee go?" Pippin looked around. "She was here a minute ago."

"She's off training with some Elves," Merry said, who was reading a strangely familiar red notebook. He sniggered. "I don't know what this 'Survivor' thing is, but it's pretty funny! Ha! Legolas got a split end!"

"WHAT?" Legolas screamed, pulling out a compact and preening. "Oh…" he sighed, relieved. "You shouldn't frighten me like that!"

"Hey!" Sami said, grabbing the notebook from Merry. "That's mine!"

"Aw, you're no fun." Merry walked off towards a building, sulking.

"I wonder where they took Gimli," Megan wondered aloud. Suddenly, some odd chanting filled the air. The Fellowship headed over to the edge of the area and looked into the grove below.

"…I baptize you in the name of the Gondor, the name of the Gondor, and…the name of the Gondor" He said, dipping the hobbits into the Mirror of Galadriel.

"¬.¬ Oh, for crying out loud," Oliver groaned. "Will he ever give it a rest?"

"Praise Gondor!" Boromir walked over to them, also robed in white. "I now see the light!"

"Shut up!" Ewan gave him a punch in the face. "No more lights for you."

"I'm bored." Legolas folded his arms and sat down in the middle of the floor.

"Legolas, you're getting too whiny." Renee yanked him off the ground. A loud scream seemed to come from the east and echo throughout all of Lothlórien. A bloody arrow landed in front of Legolas and Renee. A great deal of yelling and cursing followed.

"Oh dear…is that blood?" Legolas asked before fainting.

"u.u Legolas, Legolas, Legolas…" Renee sighed, dragging him to the house. Gollum was wearing an oversized army helmet and was pacing around with his machine gun he recaptured from Oliver slung over his shoulder. "Gollum, what are you doing?"

"Pacin'!" he replied. He went back to doing so, back and forth, back and forth, in front of the door.

"Um, yeah, okay," Renee said, trying to get past him to get in the door.

Gollum stopped her. "Nope, you can't get in. Ha."

"BLAR!" Sami screamed at the top of her lungs. Everyone looked at her. "I'm just bored," she said, shrugging.

"Er, anyway," Ewan began.

"Yeah," Merry said. "What are we gonna do here?"

"Er…" Megan started, then couldn't think of anything to say. "No clue! ^-^"

Everyone sat in silence for a few moments. Then loud shrieks rang out through Lothlórien.

"MR. FROOOOOOOOOODOOOOOOOOO!" Sam cried. "Where's Mr. Frodo? MR. FRODO?!?!?"

"Calm down, young Samwise," Aragorn said, touching Sam's shoulder. "He has gone with Elf-queen Galadriel."

Sam's eyes began to glow demon-red again. "SHE TOOK MR. FRODO? WHERE ARE THEY? MR. FRODO???? COME BACK!!!!" He ran around in circles.

"Yeah, anyways, that'll keep him occupied for a bit," Renee said.

Just then, Katie emerged from the house-thingy, followed by a sullen-faced Link.

"I don't know what you're complaining about!" Katie was saying. "It's out, isn't it?"

"But did you have to pull so hard?" he grumbled.

"Haha! Hahaha!" Legolas laughed, standing up and pointing. Link began laughing sarcastically in a high-pitched voice, mimicking Legolas.

Obviously, Legolas didn't get that the joke was on him. "You laugh like a girl," he said blankly to Link.

"Better than looking like one!" Link shot back.

"Oh yeah? Oh yeah?" Legolas stood up taller.

"YOU GUYS!" Renee broke up their fight.

"Let's just sleep for a while, eh?" Sami suggested. "All in favor say 'aye?' "

"Aye!" Merry, Pippin, Renee, Katie, Megan, Ewan, and Oliver chorused. The rest just stared vacantly.

"Okay, that's a yes, let's go to bed," Megan said, pushing everyone into the house. "Good night."