Invading the Fellowship

Part Five

 

They were still walking when Sami slipped on a patch of ice. She skidded forward and fell into Gandalf. He tripped, and his staff poked in the snow again.

"EEKS!" Renee shrieked. "Another plothole!!"

The hole widened. All of the sudden, it began to draw the characters of Harry Potter back. Into the hole fell Alicia, Angelina, Katie B., Fred, George, Harry, and—

"Oliver! Nooo!" Megan shouted. She pulled him back. The plothole spit something out, then closed. "Phew." Megan breathed a sigh of relief. She hugged Oliver. "Yay! You're still here!" Oliver looked just the slightest bit weirded out.

"Hey! Who's that?" Pippin mused. Everyone looked to the person that the plothole had spit out before it closed.

"EWAN!!!!!!!" Sami screamed, leaping up and attaching herself around his neck.

"Er, hello," he said. "Where—"

"It's better not to ask where you are," Katie cautioned. "Just follow us."

"Oh…all right." He tried to walk down the mountain, which was somewhat difficult, owing to the fact that Sami was still dangling from his neck.

"All you need is loooove…" she sang.

"Love is just a game," Megan added. "Hey! Let's have a karaoke party!"

"Come what may…" Sami just amused herself by singing songs into Ewan's shoulder.

"Yay! Legolas is all mine now!" Renee squealed.

"For now," Sami muttered, shooting her a glance.

Legolas sighed. "I'm just too pretty."

"Too right you are!" Sami said. "But Ewan's pretty too. Eee!" She buried her face in him, grinning.

Gimli was trudging along at the front. "Be there soon," he muttered.

"Boromir," Megan said, "you're fired as my bodyguard. Oliver's my new one!"

"Him? Take the place of me?" Boromir was going to have a fit.

"Oh, shush up," Katie told him.

Megan sighed. "Oh, Oliver…" Oliver looked around for help, but didn't see any. Megan scrambled onto his back. "Let's go!"

 

***

 

"Dude! Look at that!" #4 whispered to #5.

"What is it?" #2 asked cautiously, looking at it. None of the wraiths seemed to want to approach it. There was a big yellowness caught in their Hobbit Trapper 2000.

"Who cares? Bring it home to Saruman as dinner." #7 picked it up.

"Ya think it's one of thems endangered critters?" Larry drawled.

"Er…yeah." #3 blinked. "Whatever, Larry."

"I wanna feed that there yonder to them Powerpuff Girls."

"…The what?" #8 looked confused.

"Oh, forget him," #1 hissed. "Let's get back to Saruman."

 

***

 

"Wait a minute…" Katie looked around. Megan and Renee were chasing Oliver around while Sami was still on Ewan's back.

"And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide…" she was still singing.

"What?" Megan asked Katie, since Oliver had jumped on his broomstick and was flying above them. Renee had cleverly tied a rope to his broom, and was somehow flying about on the rope.

"We're out of clean clothes!" Legolas suddenly screeched. "NOOOOOOOOO!"

"…Yeah…" Renee blinked.

"^o^ I had to tie my shoe!" Katie stood up. "Laundry? I can take care of that."

"But you hate doing laundry, Katie-sama," Haldir said in his samurai voice.

"I know. I can kill…lots of birds! With one stone, too!" Katie beamed.

"And a stitch in time saves a penny earned," Sami added in a whisper.

"Poor birds…" Boromir dabbed his eye with a tissue. Everyone stepped away from him.

"EGG ROLL!" Katie yelled, waving Gandalf's staff around. Renee burst out laughing. Once again, the infamous plothole appeared. Katie stuck her hand in, reached around, then pulled Link out.

"Hey!" Legolas scowled. Link glared back.

"Yay! ^o^ Link!!" Katie exclaimed.

"Ooh!" Megan, Renee, and Sami ran over to see.

"Who's that now?" Merry asked Pippin. Pippin shrugged in reply.

Legolas began to turn red…his eyes were even changing…Sami turned around to look. "Uh-oh…" she muttered. She ran over to hide behind Ewan, just in case Legolas blew up. She didn't want his pretty-Elfy hair all over her.

But instead of a KABOOM!!, she heard sobbing.

"Why do they like him better than meeeeeeee?" he wailed.

"Aw…s'okay, Legolas!" Sami went over to pat him on the shoulder. Renee shot a menacing Look. So did Ewan. "Um…yeah." She retreated.

"Prissy Elf," Link taunted.

Legolas stood. "What was that?" he asked, drawing his bow and arrow and aiming it at Link.

"NO! YOU CAN'T SHOOT LINK!" Legolas had earned himself a swift kick in the yeeps, courtesy of Katie.

"Eee…" Legolas squeaked, about five octaves higher than normal.

Megan pouted. "No fair! Nobody in this story is allowed to sing higher than me!"

"HAHA!" Link laughed, then had a bag chucked at him. "Ow…what's this?"

"^o^ Laundry!" Katie pointed to a nearby stream. "Go wash the clothes."

"¬.¬ Is that why you brought me here?" Link grumbled.

"HAHA!" Legolas pointed at Link and laughed back. "You have to wash clothes!"

"…Why are you wearing nail polish?" Link blinked. Legolas jerked his hand back, hiding his perfectly manicured nails.

"Argh…stupid Elves…" Gimli grunted.

"I AM NOT WASHING HIS CLOTHES!" Link shrieked, Legolas laughing again. "Shut up!" Link pulled out his crappy sword and shield.

"Hey! You can't do that to him!" Renee gave Link the same treatment Katie had given Legolas. Link flew back about fifty feet before landing in the mud."

"x.x…um…ouch…"

"I'm going to be smart and stay out of this," Oliver said.

"Me too," Ewan agreed.

"When are we going to Moria?" Frodo asked.

"Uh…right now!" Boromir stood up.

"Where's Moria at?" Merry looked at Pippin. Pippin shrugged and shook his head.

 

***

 

"Hey guys, I have a plan," #6 spoke up. The rest of the wraiths looked over from their lawn chairs at him. "Let's start a band and play at Lothlórien. It'll distract everybody, and we can catch the hobbit-dweeb."

"Can I play guitar?" #4 asked.

"Only if I can sing." #3 adjusted his shades. "I sing the best."

"No, I sing da best," Larry grumbled. "You'uns can't sing fer beans."

"Dude, he's cramping my style," #1 sighed. "Let's fire him and hire someone else."

"I ain't got time fer you." Larry walked off. "I'm gonna go find me thems Powerpuff girls."

"Er…yeah…" #2 blinked. "#8, get Raziel on the phone. See if he can join us."

 

***

 

"EEEEEGGGG ROOOOLLLLLLL!" Gandalf bellowed at the door. Gimli sat grumbling while Link and Legolas were fighting about something stupid. Aragorn was preaching to Boromir, who was sitting in a recliner, watching ESPN and drinking beer. Oliver was flying around. Sam was chasing Katie while Haldir chased Sam, and everyone else sat there, bored.

"I'm bored," Sami whined, leaning back.

"Me too," Renee looked around. "Anybody have any ideas?"

"…Nope." Megan shrugged. Oliver finally landed, a big mistake. In seconds, Megan was attached to him again.

"What's he doing?" Ewan pointed to Gandalf.

"Screaming about Chinese food," Renee snickered.

"Yanno what," Merry said suddenly. "When I get back to the Shire, I'm going to start a talk show called 'Merry Brandybuck' to help people solve their problems for entertainment."

"They can be your first guests." Pippin pointed to Link and Legolas, who were busy hitting each other with sticks.

"Add some violence!!" Gollum blurted out. Megan looked at him.

"Go find your fishstick."

"She's gone!" Gollum cried, pointing to the water. By now, Gandalf had grown angry and started flipping through his keys for a key.

"Argh, speak friend and enter." Gimli grumbled.

"It doesn't work," Legolas said.

"Well, no duh," Link muttered. Legolas glared at him.

"…Oh yeah!" Gandalf pulled out a garage-door-opener and hit the button. Magically, the door opened. "Hmm. Forgot about this."

"Lemme try that." Katie grabbed the garage-door-opener and clicked the button a few times, opening and closing the door. "Hehe…funfun…" She accidentally dropped the garage-door-opener, breaking it.

"HEY!" Gandalf exclaimed. "That was my magic clicky thing! It's the only one in all of Middle-Earth!"

Katie pulled another one out of her backpack. "Here ya go. Always keep a spare. Batteries aren't included though."

Gandalf, who really had no idea what a garage-door-opener was anyway, managed to summon up a pack of AA batteries.

"OoOoOo!" The girls all dove for the batteries, but, somehow, Legolas wound up with them."

"Now I can use my portable hairdryer!" he said happily.

"No fair." Katie pouted. "I wanna play my GameBoy Advance."

"And I wanted to listen to CDs," Sami whined. "Oh, well, Ewan, sing to me!"

Megan and Renee didn't say anything, as they were busy fighting over Oliver. Again.

"My Oliver!"

"Mine!"

"I saw him first!"

"He fell out of my plothole!"

"Are they ever going to stop?" Boromir asked, putting his hands over his ears.

"Nope, wouldn't count on it," Sami told him.

"I know!" Katie took another remote out of her bag, pointed it at Megan and Renee, and hit the "mute" button.

Renee stood there stupidly. Megan blinked, then clutched her throat. She began flailing her arms and running around in circles. Renee just blinked.

"Thank you! Oh, thank you!" Oliver shouted gleefully, kissing Katie's feet.

"Yuck," Katie said, stepping away. She tossed the Sam-bat to Renee and Megan.

"WAIT! I'VE GOT IT!" Frodo cried.

"Yeah, too bad there's no cure," Sami commented.

"What?" Ewan asked.

"Never mind."

"Ahem." Frodo cleared his throat, continuing, "What's the Elvish word for friend?"

"How the hell would we know?" Sami asked. "Although, I know I just read it…hmm…"

Renee mouthed something, but no one was paying attention to her, or to Megan, who was still running around in crazed circles.

"I know," Gandalf said. "It is 'mellon.'"

At that, the doors opened.

"Wowwwwww…" Katie and Sami said, and Renee mouthed.

"Oh yeah, I did it! Go me!" Frodo cheered himself, while dancing on a rock.

Katie hit him with the Rod of Seasons.

"Oww!" he grumbled.

Merry and Pippin didn't see anything, as they were throwing stones in the water, seeing how many times they would skip.

"HA! I got three!" Merry cried.

"Well, I got three and a half!" Pippin replied.

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Katie, mute!" Boromir cried, covering his ears again.

She aimed at Merry and Pippin and hit the "mute" button again.  They shut up and just mouthed wordlessly. But now Renee and Megan could speak again.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!!" Megan was still screaming and running.

"Well, that was fun," Renee said.

"MEGAN, SHUT UP!" Sami shrieked.

She stopped. "Eehee, I can talk now…XD," she said, grinning.

"Good lord," Renee said.

"What?"

"Link and Legolas are going at it…again…" She pointed to the two bickering pointy-eared people. All this noise caused a rumble in the water.

"Katie-sama," Haldir said, drawing his sword, "there is something in the water."

"Huh?" Katie turned around. "Hey pretty boys! SHUT UP!" she called, behind her. Link and Legolas shut up. OoOo A miracle!

"Is the water burning?" Link asked, looking at the lake.

"Yeah, so quit looking at it," Katie mumbled.

"Not funny!" Link stuck his tongue out at her.

"Haha!" Legolas laughed.

"Shut up!" Gandalf hit them both on the head with his staff.

All of the sudden, a huge monster leapt out of the water, shooting out monstrous tentacles and capturing the guys, except Haldir and Gollum.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" The hobbits screamed.

"Hey!" Megan screamed. "THAT'S MY OLIVER!"

"YOUR OLIVER??" Renee shouted.

"T.T NO ONE LOVES ME ANYMORE!" Legolas cried from the monster's grasp.

"I LOVE YOU, LEGOLAS!" Sami called up. "BUT I LOVE YOU TOO, EWAN!!"

Finally, the monster's head appeared. It was none other than…

"Ursula?" The four girls blinked.

"Hahaha! I'll take all these cute guys!…'Cept this one." She threw Sam across the river.

"Help! I can't swim!" he cried. No one listened.

"That is the ugliest thing I've ever seen!" Legolas shrieked.

"May not be the most intelligent thing to say while you're in her tentacles…" Renee muttered.

"Ha! Ugly! You look in a mirror lately?" Link snickered.

"Hey!" Legolas started crying.

"Wuss…" Link grumbled.

"Um…anyone gotta plan?" Sami asked. Before anyone could do or say anything, Gollum pulled out an M-16 and shot Ursula.

"Owwww!" she cried, dropping everyone and going back into the water.

"EEEP!" Legolas landed on the ground. "I broke my leg!"

"Aww…I broke a carrot," Merry held up the busted vegetable.

Aragorn walked over to Legolas and placed his hand on his leg. "Go and be healed, my child." Aragorn said. Like magic, and instant soup, Legolas's leg was healed.

"Thanks…" Legolas walked away.

"Hey, why didn't you do that for me?" Renee asked Aragorn.

"Er…" Aragorn trailed off.

"Well, if he had, then Legolas wouldn't have carried you," Sami glowered. Her eyes narrowed at the memory.

"Oh yeah! ^^" Renee leaped onto Legolas's back. "Okay, into the Mines we go!"