Invading the Fellowship

Part Twenty-Nine

 

"It's dark in here," Sam complained as they walked through the cave. "And my feet hurt."

"Well, maybe if you wore *shoes*," Megan muttered.

Gollum poked Sam with his gun. "Walkses!"

"Fine, fine, I'm walking."

"I know!" Frodo exclaimed suddenly.

"What, you finally remembered about that vial of light Galadriel gave you?"

Frodo nodded. "Now if I could just remember where I put it..."

Megan pulled a flashlight out of her plothole and clicked it on.

"My eyes! The light!"

"First it's too dark, now it's too light. Make up your mind, Gamgee," Peter said.

"Hushes!" Gollum commanded.

Megan blinked. "I don't hear anything."

"I do," Peter offered. "It sounds like it's right around that corner."

"Well, if it's right around that corner, why can't we hear it?"

He shrugged. "Because I'm Spider-Man, and you aren't."

"Oh, okay."

Suddenly, the Green Goblin zoomed around the corner. "Mwahahahahaha!" he cackled. "I'm going to get the One Ring of Power, and then I'm going to rule the world!!"

"Aha!" exclaimed Frodo. "That's what it was!"

"Meeple," said Megan, hiding behind a nearby rock.

"Where's Peter when you need him?" Sam wondered as Gollum started using his M-16 on the Green Goblin.

"Boomses!" Gollum yelled, but his bullets didn't seem to be working. "Damn," he muttered.

"WHERE'S THE RING?" the Goblin yelled, grabbing Frodo. "GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!"

"I think not," a voice said.

"SPIDER-MAN!" Megan squealed. "Squeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Er, hi, Megan," Spider-Man said to her. "Now drop the hobbit!"

"Okay, fine, whatever you say." The Green Goblin dropped Frodo.

"Mister Frodo!" Sam cried. "Mister Frodo, are you all right?"

Frodo didn't say anything.

"T.T Mister Frodo's deaaaaaaaaaad!" Sam started sobbing.

Meanwhile, Spider-Man was beating the crap out of the Green Goblin as Megan and Gollum stood on the sidelines cheering.

"Spidey, Spidey, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can! Goooo Spidey!" Megan had pulled red + blue pompoms out of her plothole for the occasion.

"Goeses! Fightses! Winses!" Gollum also had pompoms, and he was doing backflips.

Within a few minutes, Spider-Man had the Green Goblin stuck to the wall with a bunch of webs. He dusted his hands off, satisfied.

"Spider-Man! My hero!" Megan exclaimed.

"Aw, it was nothing. All in a day's work." He dropped down from the ceiling and dangled in front of Megan, who peeled his mask off and kissed him.

"You're cheating on Mister Frodo," Sam muttered.

"Does you wantses to join Mister Frodo?" Gollum asked, pointing his M-16 at Sam threateningly.

"Yes!" Sam sobbed. "I do! More than anything else in the world!"

Megan and Spider-Man stopped kissing and gave Sam a weird look.

"Wait, what am I saying?" Sam blinked. "No, I want to be alive and carry out Mister Frodo's mission to destroy the Ring." He bent down and took the ring off of Frodo's neck.

"Someone's coming!" Peter (who, much to Megan's dismay, had taken off his Spider-Man costume) exclamed. "Hide!"

Everybody hid behind some conveniently placed styrofoam rocks as variously assorted orcs came in.

"Look, a thingy," an orc said.

"It's a hobbit," retorted anonymous orc.

"Whatever." Some orc shrugged. "Let's take it back to our tower thing."

"Okay." Bob the orc grabbed Frodo by the ankles and slung him over one shoulder. "Let's go." They left.

"Mister Froooooodoooo!" Sam wailed. "They took my Frodo!"

Megan glared at him. "He's *my* Frodo."

"But you have all those other guys."

"So? Do you have a problem with me being a whore?"

"When you put it that way, no."

"Okay. Now let's go rescue Frodo."

"Whee!" Sam skipped out of the cave.

Peter blinked. "Isn't Frodo dead?"

"No, Sam just thinks he is."

"Oh, okay."

"It's a plot device. Remember how everybody thought Gandalf was dead, but then he showed up again later? It's kinda like that."

"Sure, whatever." Peter shrugged as they followed Sam.