Invading the Fellowship

Part Twenty-Eight

 

"Wraiths!" Saruman bellowed. The wraiths, including Dennis, all dashed into Saruman's office.

"What? We were busy!" #3 leaned against the doorframe.

"You're going into battle. Get ready," he snarled.

"Battle? Ugh, I'll get all sweaty and I might get a pimple!" #5 gasped, the rest of the wraiths doing the same.

"oOo! Pimples!" Dennis popped a huge zit on his nose.

"EW!" The wraiths ran terrified into the bathroom, locking themselves in.

"You are just SO cute!" Saruman giggled.

 

***

 

"Er...do we really have to go through this cave?" Sam clung to Peter.

"Yuck, get off," Peter shoved him off.

"Ghosts could be haunting the place!" Sam whimpered.

"Ghostes!" Gollum reloaded his double-barrel shotgun. "Boomstick frighten ghostes!"

"Gollum frighten Sam," Sam muttered.

"Megan and Frodo show no sympathy," Frodo hit the power lock on the SUV. They headed out of the parking lot into the cave.

"Onses twoses threeses fourses..." Gollum was busy counting again.

"...AHHHHHHH!" Sam screamed and passed out.

"It's just a bug..." Megan pointed.

"Ghostie bug!" Gollum shot at it.

"...Isn't that the bug Legolas was afraid of back in Moria?" Frodo peered closely at it. "...And in Gimli's beard?"

"Gimli?" Boromir's ghost appeared.

"AHHHHHHHH! NAKED GHOST!" Frodo-tachi dashed further into the cave, trying to escape the hideous nude figure.

 

***

 

"I'm bored...there's nothing but dead stuff," Renee sighed.

"Patience, young grasshopper. Things are not always what they seem," Haldir looked around cautiously.

"Argh, enemies might attack," Gimli grunted.

"Here is the road." Aragorn halted the group. One sign pointed to Gondor, the other to the Paths of the Dead. He turned to Renee, Pippin, and Gandalf, who stood at the end of the road. "May Gondor bless thee and keep thee. May Gondor's light shine upon thee and be gracious unto thee, may he lift his conscious upon thee, and give thee peace."

"Amen," everyone mumbled.

"Now go in peace..."

"...okay...." Renee blinked, then quickly followed Pippin and Gandalf down the road.

"T-That w-was s-so b-beautiful!" Legolas blubbered, then burst out crying.

"Sap..." Link rolled his eyes.

"Oh my Gondor! He said something different!" Oliver gasped, he and Ewan laughing as usual.

"oOo Pretty plant!" Sami reached for something.

"I'll get it!" Legolas picked up the plant. "oOo smells nice!"

"XD That's poison maple," Link snickered.

"He whole laughs at his enemy will be laughed at ten times more," Haldir advised him.

"What about them?" he pointed at Oliver and Ewan.

"Argh, they're too stupid," Gimli grunted.

 

***

 

"Why does HE get to be the leader?!" #1 protested. "I'M the leader of the wraiths!"

"I don't like you anymore," Saruman folded his arms. "I like Dennis better."

"B-B-But why?!" #1 started to cry.

"Aw, it's alright." #6 patted him on the back after Saruman and Dennis left. "How about we go get some low-fat yogurt and a manicure, all right?" The other wraiths nodded sympathetically.

"T.T okay..." #1 sniffled, following the others back to the café.

 

***

 

"Okay, Now where are we?" Megan looked around. "EEE! Another ghost!"

"Ghostes!" Gollum shot it. The shodtie shrieked and flew off, allowing Gollum time to reload his gun.

"We're supposed to run into a spider," Peter flipped through the manual.

"EEEK! I hate spiders!" Sam crawled on top of Frodo, shaking.

"Get off!" Frodo threw Sam into a pool of water.

"Pika-poo," Sam grumbled, once again in his Pikachu state.

 

***

 

"Katie, we can't just STOP walking so you can watch TV," Ewan objected.

"oOo Yu-Gi-Oh's on!" Link grinned, dashing to the TV.

"oOoOo!" Oliver, Ewan, Gimli, Orli, Legolas, and Aragorn all ran over to the TV, shoving Katie out of the way.

"What's Yu-Gi-Oh?" Joey asked Merry who shook his head.

"Hey!! That's MY TV!" Katie pouted.

"Did I miss something?" Sami blinked.

"No." Dew sat gnawing on Joey's head.

"Go away," Joey shoved Dew in a flowerpot.

"Actually, it's a new conspiracy," Legolas said.

"Kinda like Pokémon?"

"Yeah, 'cept everyone's after Yugi instead of Ash."

"X.X that's creepy..."

 

[[.:x:.]]

 

"Gimli!"

"Boromir!" They cried, then frolicked off to a dead tree.

"...Is that supposed to happen?" Joey blinked.

"I don't think so...call Gimli back, we'd best be going." Ivan let Dew out of the pot, who perched herself on his staff.

"oOoOo *hic* Birdie!" Oliver reached for Dew, but fell over.

"My *hic* birdie!" Ewan grabbed Dew, squeezing her so her eyes bugged out.

"Hey!" Dew shot water in his face. Ewan let go of Dew and fell over on top of Oliver.

"Dude, get off me," Oliver said.

"Meow," said Kitty-Ewan before passing out.

"Lord," Sami muttered, throwing water on Ewan, then hauling him back up.

"Yes?" Aragorn asked.

"Argh."

 

***

 

"So, Gandalf, where are we going?" Renee asked.

"We are going to Minas Tirith. We shall speak to the Steward Denethor about Boromir, then stay there a while," Gandalf replied.

"Indoor plumbing?" Renee asked hopefully.

"No."

"Damn..."

"Should we tell him about Boromir and Gimli?" Pippin asked.

Renee stifled a laugh. Gandalf looked up, "Sure, I don't give a care. Renee, get my pipeweed out."

Renee snorted and handed Gandalf his pipe. Gandalf lit it and breathed in. Then he started coughing. Pippin and Renee started cracking up.

"What in the name of Gondor is this stuff?!" Gandalf screamed.

"It's...it's...GRASS!" Pippin laughed. Renee was rolling on the ground.

"Ugh," Gandalf coughed some more. "It's not that funny."

 

***

 

"All right," Aragorn bellowed to the rest of the Fellowship and to the Riders of Pokémon. "This is where we must part. Those choosing the Paths of the Dead, come with me. I will show you the light. Otherwise, stay."

A group of men hurried forward including Ash, Brock, and Merry (Who got a lot of funny looks). Gimli and Legolas looked at each other, then slowly backed away.

"No, Merry, you stay here," Aragorn said.

"No! Don't leave me with them!" He pointed at Katie and Sami, who looked back at him innocently. "I see the light! I can feel it!"

"Dude, you're starting to freak us out," Oliver said to him.

"No Merry, Gimli, Legolas, Link, Haldir, Oliver, Ewan," Aragorn suppressed a shudder, "Orlando, Ivan, and Joey, I bid you come with me."

Legolas let out a whimper and cowered behind Sami.

"Nah, I wanna stay here," Joey said.

"See! Now I can go! Come on Aragorn!" Merry pleaded.

"Merry, NO!"

"Oi, why don't we get to go?" Katie asked.

"You would probably be better off going then Legolas," Sami whispered to Katie.

"I take only those with which I have use for," Aragorn replied.

"Oh you little..." Katie lunged at Aragorn, but Link caught her.

"Stay here, please?" he whispered.

"Link! You better let me go!" Katie tried breaking free.

"Katie, it's ok. I will see you again. Just stay here for me," Link kissed her on the forehead then went to stand by Aragorn.

"I'm sorry, love, I've got to go! Orli said to Sami who desperately clung onto him.

"T.T Noooooooo!" Sami cried.

"Oh come on, it's all right!" He detached himself from Sami and went to go chat with his on-screen counter part.

"I still don't think you should go," Professor Oak said. "But here, take this." He handed Aragorn a small, red thing.

"What in Lucifer's name is this evil device?!" Aragorn bellowed.

"Er..." Professor Oak sweat-dropped. "It's a Pokédex, for any interesting creatures you happen to come by...hehehe," he looked rather nervous.

"Hmm...." Aragorn pointed the Pokédex at Gimli.

"A Gimli," the thing said. "Small and chunky, these Dwarves are usually homosexual and usually wear outdated clothes."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Oliver and Ewan laughed.

"Oh, all right then," Aragorn pocketed it. "Right then, men, forward!" He kicked his leg on which Merry was sitting.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT!" Sami exclaimed.

They stopped and looked at her. Aragorn kicked Merry off.

"What?!" Aragorn asked rudely.

"Here," Sami rummaged through her plot hole and took out some Calamine Lotion. She tossed it to Legolas. "You might need that."

Legolas blushed a spectacular shade of crimson. Oliver and Ewan looked at each other.

"Now?" Oliver said.

"Oh hold on. One...two," Ewan counted, "three!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" They laughed and pointed at him.

"..." Legolas looked at the lotion, then at Oliver and Ewan, then at Sami. "Why did you have to do this to me?" he asked.

"Trust me, you'll need it," Sami smiled. Katie elbowed her in the ribs.

"Don't even go all girlish on me. Besides, you should have left him. It would have been funny to see how it turned out," Katie said.

"Well, what about you with Li—" she was cut off by another elbow to the ribs.

"Ow...T.T," Sami nursed her ribs.

So, once again, Aragorn's brigade marched off with everyone waving at them like they do in all the Pokémon episodes.

"Don't leave me..." Merry cried.

"It's ok. You can stay with me," Joey said.

"Aw, how sweet," Katie snarled and Joey looked at her.

"Now what?" Katie asked.

"I have no idea...." Sami replied.

 

***

 

"Do do do do! Do do do do do do!" Pippin pretended he was playing the trumpet, for they had finally arrived at Minas Tirith.

Gandalf smacked him.

"Ow..."

"Here we are, the Gates of Minas Tirith," Gandalf said at the gates of Minas Tirith.

"DUDE! IT'S MITHRANWEED!" Some guard guy ran up to Gandalf.

"Mithranweed?" Pippin mouthed to Renee who shrugged.

"Hey some guard guy, no in front of the little one," he nodded in the direction of Renee and Pippin who were busy playing slaps.

"Oh, right man," Some guard guy replied. "So what brings you to these parts of town. I heard you weren't selling anymore."

"Oh, right, um, about that, uh, later," he again pointed at Renee and Pip. "I need you to take me to your lord Denethor. I have news of Boromir."

"Aww, yeah, Boromir, man. He was freaking awesome. At all those parties that the orcs would come to break up he'd kick their ass like that and that and that!" he started doing karate moves.
Gandalf cleared his throat.

"Aww, yeah, mean, that's right. In this way," he opened the gate.

"Thanks," Gandalf said and shook his hand.

"HEY! GANDALF! I SAW THAT LITTLE DEAL THERE YOU..." Renee began but Gandalf put his hand over her mouth.

"Oh, look at the time," he looked at his wrist that had no watch. "Better be going," And then he dragged them off.