The First Mis-adventure of the New Superheroes

Aaron, Carolyn, Eric, Amber, and Justin were eating pizza and watching Adult Swim in Aaron's room. They were all discussing the powers they had recently received.

"So let me get this straight," Justin said through a mouthful of pizza. "Four friends, mysteriously end up with super powers."

"Yes," Amber said.

"And we’re not a little curious how in the hell that happened?" Eric asked.

"Like you’re complaining” Amber said. "This is all you guys talk about all the time anyway."

"What…we use our powers for the good of mankind?" Justin joked, before filling his mouth with more pizza.

"Soooo," Carolyn began, "what ARE we supposed to do with these powers?"

"I dunno," Amber said. "You guys have read enough comics…I’m sure you’ll figure it out."

"Guys," Aaron said. "We should become super heroes. We have powers; we should put them to good use. Form a team, catch criminals, stuff like that."

"Dude," Justin said, "if you go on with a motivational speech, I'm chucking a knife into your mouth." Carolyn jumped up on her chair.

"Evil doers beware, for we, the Fucked-Up Four, shall smite thee from thy evil ways! Let us strike out against those who oppress others, and nothing shall divide us!" Justin looked at her hatefully, twirling a knife in his hands.

"You know I can dodge it," she said as she reached for the last slice of pizza.

THOKTHOKTHOKTHOKTHOK

Justin threw four of his knives around the slice, and one through the middle. Carolyn looked angrily at him as he took it.

"Too slow," he said. He pulled the knife out and, just before it reached his mouth, a blur flew by and the slice was gone. Carolyn looked at him as she ate it.

"I'm never slow," she said.

"Quite the superhero team we have," Eric said. "Maybe they can annoy the bad guys into giving themselves up."

"I'm more worried about Justin stabbing them all to death with throwing knives," Aaron said.

"Justin, you haven't killed anyone yet, have you?" Amber asked.

"No," he said, "but I was hoping the plate to the back of Todd's skull would do permanent damage. Hey, put something else on, commercials are teh suck."

Eric flipped through the channels, and eventually landed on a news show. There was a report on about a guy named Dominic Cortenello.

"Leave this on," Carolyn said. "My parents were talking about him." The report was about how he had been acquitted of money laundering and racketeering. Apparently there was a lack of evidence to support the charges.

"Twenty says he was guilty," Justin said. "And I'll put the money down. I won $600 bucks playing darts at a bar over the weekend."

"I knew it," Amber said with a sigh, “so much for the good of mankind.”

"Hey," Justin said, "I’m part of mankind, this is a present to myself.”

"Does your aim work with pool?" Eric asked.

"No."

Later that night, Justin looked up information on the Cortenello trial. The prosecution apparently wasn't relying on evidence, but had a witness that would be enough to put Cortenello away. Conveniently, the witness died in a car crash. He looked at pictures from the trial. There was always a man, taller than him, dressed all in black, near the mobster.

"Wow, the Bizarro World Nitti," he said to himself. "Guy's probably a Capone wannabe." He walked over to his dresser and looked in the top drawer. His throwing knives were hidden under towels. He picked up a belt also hidden. It had sheathes all around it for the knives, like a bandoleer.

"Maybe this whole superhero thing's worth a shot. Then again, no point in doing shit others are paid to do." He put the belt back and closed the drawer. He shut off the computer and went to sleep.

****************************************************************************************

That weekend, Justin convinced Aaron to portal them to New York City. He opened a portal, and they drove Eric's car to the Big Apple. They parked on a street and got out.

"Ok," Aaron said, "We're in New York City. Now what?"

"I dunno," Justin said. "I just wanted to see if you could do it."

"Fuck you," Aaron replied.

"Hey," said Justin, "you wanted to be a superhero, and everyone knows that all super villains hang out in New York. So lets get heroing!" They looked at Justin like he was an imbecile.

"Hey," Eric said. "Give me some money for the meter." Justin tossed him a quarter.

"Well, we might as well get some food," Carolyn said. "There's a McDonalds across the street." They looked across the street, where Carolyn was standing by the door.

"How did no one see that?" Aaron asked.

"It's New York," Eric said. "No one cares." They all walked across the street and went inside.

About halfway through their meal, Carolyn glanced out the window. She hit Eric in the shoulder, "Someone's stealing your car!"

Eric looked out the window and saw his car pulling away. "HOLY SHIT!" He jumped up and ran outside.

"Guys," Aaron said. "Wait here, Eric and I will handle this." He ran outside to Eric, and they ran into an alley. He opened a portal that took the two of them to the rooftops. They followed the car, going from rooftop to rooftop, until the car finally pulled into a large building.

"Well, here's our shot," Eric said.

"Ok," Aaron started, "costumes, go in, get the car, get out. Nothing fancy." They put their costumes on, which they had in their backpacks. They stood on the rooftop, preparing themselves.

"Nervous?" Aaron asked.

"Very," said Eric. Aaron opened a portal, and they stepped inside. They emerged in a large room, filled with crates. It was obviously a storehouse. They peaked around the crate they hid behind. The man stepped out of Eric's car.

"Check it out guys!" he said. The others looked unimpressed.

"Where did you find that piece of shit?" another said. "Fuck dude, it's got Minnesota plates on it." Suddenly a ring of fire erupted around the car. Flammenherr and Spidon emerged from behind a row of crates.

"What the fuck is this shit?" one thug asked.

"I just want the car," Flammenherr said.

"Fuck you!" the thief said. He pulled out a gun and fired. Spidon opened a portal in front of the bullets. They went in and came out of another one behind them. The man dropped the gun and ran. The others took out their guns and fired. Spidon became intangible and the bullets passed through him. Flammenherr heated the guns until they dropped them. One man came out with a larger gun. Flammenherr set a crate in front of them on fire, obscuring the man's vision. Spidon and Flammenherr jumped in the car and drove it into a portal back home. Eric parked the car. They looked at each other.

"ALRIGHT!" Aaron said. "WE DID IT!"

"WE'RE NOT DEAD!" Eric shouted. "Shit, we left the others in New York."

"I'll go get them," Aaron said. "We'll meet you upstairs."

***************************************************************************************************************

That night, they celebrated their first successful use of their powers. Aaron said he was so nervous that he forgot to shade the whole room. Eric was just happy his car wasn't damaged. They had the news on to see if there was a story about them. They got a big surprise. It turns out there was a large amount of heroine stored in the warehouse. If the man hadn't stolen the car (which wasn't mentioned, by the way), the dealer would've made $80 million from it.

"Dude," Justin said, "if I was that dealer, I'd be really pissed at you two."

"I wouldn't want to be the guy who stole that car," Carolyn said.

"They're gonna fuck him up Scarface style," Justin said.

************************************************************************************

Dominic Cortenello sat in his chair in his office. He lived in a penthouse condo in New York City. He sat in his chair, made of Corinthian leather, looking out the window. He was not happy. He lost out on $80 million dollars worth of heroin this afternoon. He spent an additional $3 million in bribes to get the cops and DEA off his back. The boys all had the same story: two men in black, one started fires, one walked through bullets. They came for a car that Mikey stole. Mikey Lorenz had some explaining to do. He was outside right now. He liked to make people wait when they were in trouble. It gave them more time to think about what he would do to them if they lied. He checked his watch. Mikey had been waiting for half an hour.

"Let him in," he said. Rodriguez, his right hand man, nodded and walked to the door. He opened it.

"Come in," he said to Mikey. Mikey nervously walked in. He stood in front of Dominic's desk. Rodriguez stood to the side. Dominic looked at Mikey. He could see him sweating. He had thought for a long time. Dominic lit a cigar.

"Sit," he said. Mikey nervously sat down. "The boys at the warehouse said something about a man starting fires and a ghost. They said they came for a car that you stole. Is this true?" Mikey nodded. "Is there a reason you stole that car?" Mikey shook his head. "So, I lost $80 million dollars for no reason?" Mikey didn't say anything. Dominic stared at him.

"Mr. Cortenello asked you a question," Rodriguez said.

"I-I'm sorry," Mikey said.

"Oh," Dominic said, "you're sorry. That makes up for everything. You know what? You are such a stupid fuck, that killing you might actually benefit society."

"Please," Mikey said, "please, I promise, it'll never happen again, I'm sorry, I'm sor.."

"Tell you what," Dominic said. "I'll make you a deal. If you leave this room, you're a free man."

"That's it?" Mikey asked. He looked at Rodriguez. "One of you are gonna shoot me."

"Mr. Rodriguez does not use guns anymore," Dominic said.

"Or knives." Rodriguez added. Mikey stood up, and slowly walked backwards towards the door. Rodriguez raised his hand. It was glowing green. Mikey turned to run, but a bolt of green energy shot from Rodriguez's hand and hit Mikey in the knee. He fell down, inches from the door. He looked at his leg. It now ended at the knee. He screamed as Rodriguez came up to him. He pulled Mikey up. The green glow flowed to his finger tips and formed a small round ball of energy.

"This," Dominic said," is what happens to fuck ups like you. I do not tolerate failure."

Rodriguez forced the energy ball into Mikey's mouth. He held his hand over Mikey's mouth, and slammed his head into the wall. The impact caused the ball to explode, and Mikey's head along with it. The body slumped to the floor.

"I want nothing left of that prick's body," Dominic said.

"And what about the ghost and fire starter?" Rodriguez asked.

"They were looking for their car," Dominic said. "They know nothing about me."

**********************************************************************************************

The four became a media sensation over the next few weeks. They had kept mostly to Chicago, stopping robberies, rapes, drug deals, and other crimes. The media, despite having no pictures or descriptions, were publicizing them as vigilantes. They mainly did it for thrills. Justin in particular got a big kick out of it. He was the roughest, however. He sent three rapists to the hospital and threw a child molester out a third floor window. Cortenello watched the news reports with great interest after hearing one was a black ghost and one started fires. He was in Chicago on business tonight. He hoped to meet one of them.

Navajas was patrolling, decompressing after a tough midterm. He had just stopped two men from mugging (and possibly raping) a young woman. He was walking out of an alley when a black limo pulled up. A man in a suit came out of the back.

"You are one of the vigilantes from the news," he said. "Mr. Cortenello would like very much for you to join him for dinner. Now." Navajas recognized the name from the mobster on TV a few weeks ago. He had a feeling that he wouldn't be able to get away without killing anyone if he said no. He agreed. The man sat in the back of the car with him. They got out at a fancy looking restaurant.

Dominic Cortenello was enjoying a very good fillet mignon when his men arrived. With them was a tall man, wearing a brown trench coat. Underneath he had on black pants, black boots, and a dark red shirt. He had small pouches on his belt, and two more criss-crossed his shirt with knives sheathed in them. He had a small winter hat over his messy hair, and very dark sunglasses. The "hero's" appearance amused him. He sat down across from him.

"So," Dominic said, "I have heard much about you. Judging from your collection of knives, you must be the one called Navajas." He chuckled. "My friend Rodriguez is Mexican. You don't appear to be."

"Nope," Navajas said. "Irish. And you're obviously Italian."

"Sicilian, actually. Oh, where are my manners. Would you care for a drink? Some food? My treat."

"No, thank you."

"Suit yourself," Dominic said. "I take it you know who I am."

"You are Dominic Cortenello. You were recently acquitted of criminal charges."

"Yes. In fact, right after my trial, I escaped prison again. When you and your friends, tell me, what are their names? The ghost and fire man?"

"Flammenherr is the fire man, and Spidon is the ghost."

"Yes, thank you. Flammenherr and Spidon caused a ruckus that brought police attention to a shipment of heroine. That shipment was mine. I lost a lot of money, and spent much more to get the police to forget it was mine. I am willing to forgive that. I want you and your friends to work for me. I am willing to pay a great deal of money for your services."

"Well," Navajas said, "I have two words for you: fuck. off. We aren't assassins, we're not criminals, and we're not for sale."

"You could show a little more respect. I just have to snap my fingers and these men will kill you."

"Really? Lets see it then."

Dominic chuckled and snapped his fingers. A man pulled out a gun and fired. Navajas reacted quicker than they could see. He dodged the bullet, grabbed a spoon off the table, and threw it into the man's hand. The bullet then hit the window and it shattered. Dominic looked impressed. Another man placed his hand on Navajas' shoulder.

"Dude, you have five seconds to take your hand off me before I nail it to the table." The man took his hand off him. "Thank you." He turned to Dominic. "I'll assume we're finished then."

"Well, I can respect your decision," Dominic said. "However, I'll give you this warning: Stay away from me, and stay out of my business. This was my one offer to be civil. If you interfere with my affairs after this, you will be killed."

"No problem," Navajas said. He stood up and held his hand out. Dominic shook it. Navajas walked away, looking at Cortenello's bodyguards. He bumped into one on the way out. Outside, a valet came up to him.

"Your ticket, sir?" he said. Navajas handed him the valet ticket he stole from the mobster he bumped into upstairs. The valet left and returned a few minutes later, with a brand new Harley Davidson V-Rod. He turned to the valet.

"Thank you so very much," he said, giving the valet a tip of 300 dollars he stole from another mobster.

**************************************************************************************************

He returned to school that night on his new bike. The others were in awe.

"Where did you get that?!" Carolyn asked.

"I stole it from a mobster tonight," Justin said. "Remember that drug bust that happened after your car was stolen? It belonged to Dominic Cortenello. He's a big time mobster and offered us jobs as his flunkies tonight. So I told him no, threw a spoon through his bodyguard's hand, and stole a bike from another one."

"Great," Eric said. "Our first villain is a dangerous mobster. Great choice Justin."

"Hey, we wanted to be superheroes," Justin said. "Every hero needs a villain."