From the day I walked into Colorado Springs, battered, confused, terrified, this town helped me put my life back together. The folks here are strong and good-hearted. They have been my salvation and inspiration. I dedicate this volume to them with my gratitude and love.
~Dorothy Jennings~
Chapter 1: The Colorado Springs of My Past
My folks moved to Colorado Springs from Kansas after Daddy’s pa died. The farm he’d grown up on and worked for his entire life now belonged to his older brother, my Uncle Rick. Daddy wanted his own place so he packed up his new bride and headed west to a place where new opportunity waited.
Before long the farm was up and running and my parents decided it was time to start a family. Daddy wanted big strong boys to work on the farm and carry on the family name. All he got was girls-me and my older sister Maude. We worked just as good as any boy could have but Daddy still wouldn’t even consider leaving us the farm when he passed. Ownership of land was a man’s world and two young females could never have handled it-not as far as daddy was concerned. It was up to Maude and I, then, to find husbands Daddy thought suitable to take over his beloved farm.
The farm was a ways outside of Colorado Springs but that is where I met my husband. Once a month we’d go into town to visit the mercantile, then owned by Darren Bray. He and his wife Marianne had lived in Colorado Springs all their lives and worked up a good business. They were always kind to me and Maude when we came to do the shopping. Maude eventually married their son, Loren, but I had bigger dreams than staying in town allowed. I wanted to be out in the open air, tending to the farm like I had always done.
I soon fell in love with Marcus Jennings, a man with the desire to start a farm. We didn’t court for long before we were married. Marcus loved me and knew how to treat me right. When Daddy died Marcus got the farm and we worked it together for many years. My fantasy marriage, however, did not last long.
Colorado Springs was the closest town but we lived far enough away that most people there didn’t know we even existed. I tried to stay in touch with Maude as much as possible so I ended up spending even more time in town after we were both married than I ever did as a child. I became a part of the town and got to know many of the people there, but it wasn’t until I came back later in life that I would really call it my home.
Marcus and I had three children together, two girls and a boy. Tom was the oldest and always protective of his little sisters, Loraine and Amelia. After my youngest daughter was born, Marcus changed.
One afternoon, while I was at the sink preparin’ supper, Marcus burst through the front door of our homestead. “Pack up your things darlin’, we’re movin.”
I brushed my hands clean on the apron I was wearing and walked calmly over to him. “You’ll wake the baby,” I warned. “Now what’s this about movin’?”
“I bought us some land,” he said with a large grin. “Down in Pueblo.”
“Marcus you’re talking crazy. We don’t have enough money to go buyin’ land.”
“We had plenty saved. Won the rest in a poker game.”
“But this is my mom. You promised Daddy you’d take care of this land. What’s gonna happen to it?”
"We’ll sell it,” Marcus said without feeling.
“But Pueblo is so far. I won’t see Maude…”
He cut me off. “Well that’s just an added bonus no isn’t it?” he sneered. “She won’t be able to tell you what a bastard I am and that husband of hers will stop fawnin over ya.”
"Don’t I get any say in this?” I asked. I got my answer with a sharp slap across the face. I held my hand to my burning skin and looked at my husband in shocked horror. That was the first time he had ever struck me. I told myself he was just frustrated and that it wouldn’t happen again.
The new farm wasn’t mentioned again in words. We silently backed up as many belongings as would fit in our wagon. We tied the animals to the back so they could follow behind.
We had to start from scratch on the new farm and the frustrations that went along with it made Marcus an unpleasant man to live with. He started drinkin’ a lot more often, leaving me to do his chores as well as mine. With three young children, this often left me with more than I could handle. When I didn’t do things exactly as he wanted, Marcus resorted to beatin’. I took whatever he threw at me, mainly because I was scared he’d go after the kids if I didn’t. One night he proved me right.
Tommy and Loraine sat by the fire, him teaching her his new favorite game, checkers. Marcus came home and found me in the kitchen, still trying to clean up from dinner, a meal he had missed. “Ya save me some food,” he asked, coming behind me. He placed his arm around my waist and drew me to him. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.
“Figured you’d be eatin’ elsewhere tonight,” I responded daringly. I knew of course that he would be expectin’ a meal when he finally waltzed through the door, but something made me throw out his share that night.
“You’re gonna regret that,” he said, drawing his arm up to hit me. I dodged his blow and he hit his arm on the counter top. He left me alone long enough for me to walk calmly out of the room and to the kids. I didn’t want them to see their father like that. “Come on kids, time for bed,” I told them.
Tom was about to protest the end of his game when Marcus entered the room. “No darlin’ let them stay up. Tom’s old enough, aren’t ya son?”
“Yes sir,” the boy responded. “I don’t need to go to bed with the girls.”
“You think you’re a big man now don’t ya?” Marcus taunted.
Tommy stood up tall. “I am a man. And I ain’t gonna let ya hit Ma no more.”
That was all it took for Marcus to completely lose his cool. He struck Tommy, almost knocking him to the floor. I intervened then, not willing to let him lay another finger on my babies. “Marcus, you’re drunk,” I scolded. “Why don’t you just go sober up and when ya get back I’ll have your supper ready.”
“You already messed up darlin’. Now I’m gonna remind ya what happens when you don’t do what you’re supposed ta.”
I shuffled Tom and Loraine behind me and told them to get to bed. They remained only long enough to see me get a bloody lip.
Marcus beat me whenever he drank but I refused to forget all the good times we had before that. I held on to those memories and stayed with him so that the kids would have a pa. Tommy and the girls were the only thing that kept me goin’. I knew I couldn’t leave them alone.
When Marcus finally passed out late into the night, I would sit by the fire and cry myself to sleep. I’d rarely share his bed and made sure I was up before he rose. Sometimes Tommy would wake and come down, finding me with tears in my eyes. I hated having him see me like that but it happened often.
When he was small he would crawl up onto my lap and wipe away my tears with the scarf I had knitted him. “Don’t worry mama,” he would whisper. “One day I’ll be bigger then him and I won’t let him hurt ya no more.”
Years passed and the kids grew. Lori and Amelia ran off and got married without our permission. I always figured they blamed me for Marcus always drinkin’ but I never thought they’d forget about me completely. But as soon as some handsome fella came along promisin’ an escape, they took it. Tommy joined the military when the war broke out. I worried every day over him but had kept myself busy on the farm so I didn’t think about it all the time. When I got the letter sayin’ he’d been shot, I wanted to jump on the next stage out. Marcus had other plans.
“I need ya here,” he insisted. “Ya can’t be runnin’ off. Tom has plenty of docs to care for him. They don’t need a frettin’ woman gettin’ in their way.”
“He’s my son,” I begged. “I have to go see him. What if he don’t make it.”
“Then you’ll see him when he gets here in the wooden box.”
I willed myself not to cry, knowing that would only worsen the situation. Under my breath, I could not help but asking “When’d you get to be so heartless.” I had half hoped he would hear me but knew that it was better if he didn’t. I saved myself a beatin’ by keepin’ quiet and stayin’ home. Tommy let me know he was alright soon as he could but he didn’t come home.
It took many years for me finally to work up the courage to leave my husband. One night he came home, more alcohol in him than I thought possible for one man to consume. He gave me the worst beatin’ of my life that night. One that left me unconscious for who knows how many hours.
When I woke up, Marcus wasn’t around. I grabbed my shawl as I stumbled out the door and wrapped it around me to fight off the chill that marked the presence of fall. I somehow managed to get on my horse and rode off, determined to never return to that farm or that man.
Chapter 2: My Return
Colorado Springs, 1868. I arrived just before Halloween of that year and barely recognized my old home. I’d been gone for so many years I couldn’t count. My life with Marcus had started off as a fairy tale but it didn’t last. Now as I walked down the desolate street that passed through the center of town I was a broken woman. I came back here looking for a familiar safety and I found the world turned upside down.
As I walked along the familiar dirt road, I found myself wondering if I’d ever have a place to call home again. I felt isolated here, as if I didn’t belong. I knew what lay around each corner and who lived behind what doors. Still, every sound made me jump and every gaze forced me to face the facts. I was no longer a welcome member of the town but a stranger who some vaguely remembered.
Most of the buildings looked the same, though a few were more worn down that I remembered them. Loren Bray, my brother-in-law, owns the general store. He was kind enough to put me up. Hank Lawson still had his saloon. Myra still worked there but there were plenty of girls I didn’t know. Jake Slicker, the barber, had moved his shop closer to the mercantile but it was still just as I remembered; one chair and smelling like hair tonic.
Then there were the things that had changed; things that made me in a way uneasy, but in another somewhat comforted. A new woman to town, Grace, had started a café right behind Robert E’s livery. There was a new Revered and someone else working the telegraph. But the key addition for me upon my arrival was that of the clinic, which was owned and operated by a woman doctor.
I went straight to Loren, knowing he wouldn’t turn me away. As I stepped onto the short step I questioned whether my feet would make it to the door. When Loren recognized my weakened state, he suggested a visit to the doctor, the woman I would later come to call my best friend.
Dr. Michaela Quinn came here from Boston and was the most opinionated and strong-willed woman I had ever seen. I would like to think that I have some of that fire in me but it pales in comparison to what Michaela has.
Loren took me too meet her, commenting that she was only “sort of” a doctor. I soon realized he only felt that way because she was a woman. I gave him a disapproving glance and the he left me to be examined. I told the doctor that I had fallen off my horse but she knew better. She didn’t say it to my face but I knew just by lookin’ at her that she knew. It became our code word, in an odd joking matter, later on when that same horse threw me again.
“It don’t really matter what happened,” I told her later. “I left him and I ain’t goin back.”
Dr. Quinn had her clinic in what used to be the boarding house. The woman who owned it before, Charlotte Cooper, had been my best friend during one time in my life. As I sat in what was now the examination room, I remembered many days when Charlotte and I would discuss life over a pot of stew simmering in her kitchen.
“I don’t know why you sit around waitin’ for him to come back,” I told her one evening.
“The same reason you let Marcus hit you,” she responded.
“He only does that when he’s drunk,” I defended. “Besides he’s never done more than strike me across the face. Plenty of men do worse than that to their wives.”
“And plenty of wives end up dead for unexplained circumstances,” Charlotte scowled.
I then turned things back around on her. “And plenty of women end up alone for the rest of their lives waitin’ on their men to come home. Ya gotta face the facts here Cahrlotte, Ethan ain’t comin’ back with gold. You gotta find a way to raise those kids.”
“I have my boarding house,” she said proudly. “We’ll get by fine with this old place until Ethan comes back. Then we’ll have our farm again.”
Charlotte’s husband Ethan had been gone eight months at that time and I still couldn’t convince her that he was gone for good. While she had stopped cryin herself to sleep, she still kept hope that he’d come back to her and the kids.
After I left the clinic, only a few minor bruises to my name, I set out to start my new life as a free and independent woman. Getting that independence, however, was slightly more difficult than I had imagined. I’d left the only home I had in the world with not a penny to my name. The only things I had were the clothes on my back and the hope that the people in town would soon consider me a part of their lives.
Loren was reluctant to let me stay at the store with him, and I don’t blame him really. We’d had a long and complicated history between us. Me showin’ up was a big shock, I could tell. He disapproved of the way I lived my life before but disapproved even more when I tried to fix things. “A little disagreement isn’t a reason to break up a marriage,” he told me.
I was astonished to think Maude had gone through anything similar to what I had. “Is that how is was between you and Maude?”
Loren refused to let me in. “Your sister was a good woman. We respected each other. That’s all I’ll say about that.”
It wasn’t until later that I learned any more. I met up with Dr. Quinn at the cemetery where I was visitin’ my sister’s grave. “We were close,” I told her. “For the longest time all we had was each other. Then Loren proposed to me.”
“He proposed?”
“Things just weren’t the same after that.”
My new friend was silent, not knowing what to make of this situation. I left her to contemplate things, with the assurance that one day I’d let her in and know more of the scattered past. I went straight to Loren at that moment, needing confirmation that only he could give. “After all these years,” I began. “You’re still in love with me.”
He ran his hand across his mouth and rolled his eyes away, trying to avoid the situation. He’d grown old and was less tolerant of most things. But the young man I knew was still in there somewhere, just waiting for someone to ask him to come out. “Ya can’t hide behind this grumpy façade,” I told him. “Now tell me the truth. Do you still love me.”
“I told ya back then I’d never stop lovin’ you,” Loren said softly.
“Then why’d you marry Maude? Why’d you put her through that?”
“I figured if I couldn’t have you, Maude was the next best thing.”
“You weren’t that cold-hearted.”
“I knew what it was like to be turned down by the person you love most in the world,” Loren finally admitted. “I saw how much she cared for me, though I never could se just why. But she loved me and I couldn’t bear to hurt her.”
“But she knew you still loved me. Don’t ya think that hurt her?”
“You don’t get to just waltz back in here and tell me ‘bout all the mistakes I made. I did what had to be done. Don’t go tryin’ to make me regret it just casue you do.”
“But don’t you regret it?”
“Maude and I were happy enough,” Loren maintained. “Nothin’ else much matters now that it’s all over and done with.”
I decided not to pursue matters further. “Dr. Quinn has asked us to supper,” I told him. “Will you come?”
“Aww I don’t wanna eat with her,” Loren grumbled. I simply looked him in the eye and asked him to do it for me. He turned away before finally answering. “Aww fine, I’ll go.”
Loren and drove out to Michaela’s homestead where we were greeted by her three adopted children, Matthew, Brian, and Colleen. I looked them all over, noting how much they had changed since I’d seen them last. These were Charlotte’s children, left to Michaela when she died. They were my best friend’s children and at this point almost strangers to me. Sully gave a short wave from his chair in the corner. I noticed how he and Loren avoided one another.
Michaela came to the door behind the kids, wiping her hands on her apron. “Loren, I’m glad you decided to come,” she smiled broadly.
“Dinner will be ready soon,” Colleen announced.
The meal went well and afterwards Loren played his harmonica and we all sang songs together. Everything was joyful, something I hadn’t experienced in a long time. Then a knock sounded at the door. Sully went to answer it. As he slid the door open, I heard an all-to-familiar voice. “I’m sorry to bother you mister but I’m lookin for someone and when I asked in town they said…”
I jumped up from my seat and grasped the table in front of me. “Marcus!”
“Dorothy…” I saw his face light up when he saw me. The desire to win me back burning in his eyes.
I summoned all the courage I had left in me to try and get him to leave. “Go away, I don’t want to see you. Leave me alone”
“Dorothy please, just listen to me.” Marcus stepped forward, attempting an entrance into the house.
“You can’t come in. I’m sorry,” Sully told him, holding his hand up to block the way.
Loren stepped in at my defense as well. “You heard her, she don’t want to see you Marcus.”
“Loren?” Marcus asked, astonished to see him with me but also noticing how he had changed over the years.
Though I could tell Loren wanted nothing more than to knock Marcus unconscious, he remained composed. “You bets just go home now. You have no business here.”
Michaela too tried to make the situation disappear. “Mr. Jennings, I think you better leave.”
But Marcus wouldn’t give up. “Dorothy, please. I’m so sorry darling. I don’t know what go into me. It won’t happen again.”
“I’ve heard that before.”
“You’ve never left me before”
“And I’m not goin back.”
“Please Dorothy. As God and this good people as my witness, I won’t ever do it again. I…I don’t want to loose you. I need you. I can’t take living without you.”
I don’t know if Michaela could sense me weakening or if she simply couldn’t tolerate Marcus being in her house. Whatever the case, she was growing more and more frustrated, and you could hear it in her tone. “Please, get out of my house Mr. Jennings.”
Before I knew what was happening, Marcus had pulled a gun out of his pocket. My heart skipped a beat when I thought about everything he was capable of. He could kill me, or Loren, or as things were Michaela, Sully, or the children. Him killing me I’d thought of plenty of times and had come to expect that one day it would happen. But any harm done to Loren or my new friends was intolerable. The threat alone made me despise his actions.
I could feel my blood getting’ hotter as he stood in front of me with that gun. Then I noticed the look on his face and I began to soften when he spoke. “You don’t believe me, you can shoot me right now. If I ever lay a hand on you again, you can kill me. Go on take it! Take it! I’d rather die then to ever hurt you again. Please, just talk to me.”
“Put the gun away,” I insisted. My barriers crumbling, I stepped towards the door.
“Dorothy, you don’t have to,” Michaela attempted to stop me.
“It’s alright,” I said. “I’ll be right outside that door.”
Once outside, I followed Marcus away from the homestead some distance, hoping to assure our privacy. He grabbed my hand gently and led me behind a lark pine. He stepped in to kiss me but I put my hand up in protest. “Come on Dorothy,” he complained. “I said I was sorry.”
“You said you wanted to talk,” I said, standing my ground. “So talk.”
“Don’t you miss what we used to have?”
“Course I do. That’s why I ain’t willin’ to live like we been these past years. I’m tired of rememberin’.”
“But we can have good times again,” Marcus proposed. “You know them wild times we had before the kids. Those were good.”
“I don’t know that the kids were ever the problem.”
“Please Dorothy,” He further begged. “Come home with me.” That time, when he leaned in, I did not stop him.
As he came towards me, I felt my stomach churn. I wanted to protest, to push him away, but I couldn’t.
Chapter 3: The Final Blow
Before I knew what was happening, I felt my skirt inching up. Marcus’s hand was moving up my leg. I barely felt the cold October air as my body quickly warmed to his touch. My head fell back into his other hand and I relished in his embrace. I suddenly began to remember the good times again. Our wild passions, that had once been the sole occupier of our time, were once again alive inside me.
I stood there against that tree letting him kiss and caress me. I lost all site of reality and was soon kissing him in return. “I told ya you’d remember,” he said.
I shoved him back when he spoke, aware then of what he was doing. I pushed my skirt back down and swallowed hard. “You can’t just come back and do that and expect everything to be better,” I told him.
“Come now Dorothy,” he said, stepping back towards me. “You know you want this as much as I do. There ain’t no way you can live without it.”
Somewhere inside of me I knew that he was right. When he touched me everything else melted away. I wanted to be strong but with Marcus it always was that good. “You promise to stop this time?” I asked naively.
“You got my word,” he swore.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. “Let’s go home.”
Because it was so late, we went back to Loren’s, not wanting to make the long drive home in the dark. I arrived at the front door and let myself in, Marcus following close behind. Loren sat in the dark room, only a small candle lit in front of him. “You ain’t welcome here Marcus,” his voice spoke from the darkness.
I jumped back at his face in the shadow. “Loren this ain’t your business.”
“It is if he’s under my roof,” Loren replied harshly.
Marcus interceded before I could argue back. “Loren I know we’ve had our differences in the past, but things are different now. I thought after all these years you would finally let Dorothy just be happy.”
“She ain’t happy with you,” Loren observed. “She deserves better than you.”
“Like she said, it ain’t your business. I would appreciate you letting us stay here the night though. We’ll be out of your life first thing in the morning.”
Loren ignored him and turned to me with sad eyes. “Dorothy please, don’t do this.”
“Marcus, give us a minute.”
Marcus went outside without argument, leaving me alone with Loren. “I told you a long time ago that it was over between us,” I began. “I never felt the need to tell you exactly what had changed but maybe I should now.”
“I don’t need to know any of that,” Loren grumbled. “It’s over and done with. What I care about is you, now. I don’t wanna see him hurt you anymore.”
“He won’t.”
“How many times you gonna go back to him.”
“It’s different with Marcus,” I said. “We got something special.”
Loren was growing more and more agitated. “He don’t treat you right!”
I touched his shoulder softly. “Do you remember the first time you told me you loved me?”
“I’ll never forget it,” he said, softening under my touch.
I was seven and Loren was eleven. I sat next to him in his parent’s wagon as he drove out to a secluded area outside of town. “You sure we should be doin this?” I asked. “Our folks will wonder where we are.”
“Nah, they won’t worry,” Loren said with a coy smile. “I told ‘em we was havin a picnic.”
“Did you bring potato salad?” I asked hopefully.
“Of course,” he replied.
“I’ve never been on a real picnic,” I said excitedly.
Loren pulled the reigns and slowed the horses to a stop. He jumped down quickly from the wagon and ran over to my side. He took my hand and helped me climb down. When I stood next to him I had to look up to meet his eyes. He gave me a soft pat on the head. “Well that’s why I brought you out here.”
I stood back as he spread out a blanket on the ground and slowly began taking the food out of a wicker basket. “Well come sit down,” he finally said, waving his hand.
I went over to him and sat down on the checkered blanket. “You know, I outta take you fishin’” he said, handing me a sandwich.
“My pa says it ain’t no use to teach a girl to fish,” I told him.
“Well it is if that girl is fun to be with.”
“Would you really teach me?” I asked hopefully.
Loren took a bite of his own sandwich and nodded his head. “Don’t ya know I love you Dorothy?” he said. “I’d do anythin’ long as I get to look at that fiery red hair of yours.”
“What made ya think of that?” Loren asked.
“You’ve loved me for as long as I can remember,” I replied. “But to me you were always my best friend. I never wanted anything more.”
“And you still don’t.”
“I love you Loren, I do. But not like that. I love Marcus and I always will. It’s hard sometimes but he is my husband.”
“I can’t watch you go back to that kind of life.”
***
The next morning, Marcus and I were packing supplies into the wagon, preparing to go back to our home. I walked into the mercantile and went to Loren, who stood behind the counter staring at me disapprovingly. I ignored his look momentarily. “Will you tell Dr. Quinn goodbye for me?”
“You can tell her yourself. I just sent Brian to go get her.”
“What’d ya do that for?” I asked, upset at his interference.
“I was hopin’ she could talk some sense into you.”
“I don’t expect you to understand.”
“We’ll I don’t,” he responded callously.
I knew that I would get nowhere trying to argue my position with him. “What do I owe you?”
His kindness returned for a moment. “Nothin.”
Marcus walked in then and placed his hand at the small of my back. “You ready?”
I turned to leave. “Goodbye Loren.”
Loren followed us out the door and watched from the porch as Marcus helped me into the wagon. When we were both setteled, I saw Dr. Quinn running across the road toward us. She stopped at the side of the wagon and looked up at me questioningly. “Dorothy, are you certain that this is for the best?”
“It’s gonna be alright,” I assured her. “We talked all night long. He’s gonna change.”
“People don’t change overnight.”
“He gave me his promise.”
“Well how do you know he’ll keep it?”
“Cause he road all the way here to get me,” I smiled. “We have a lot of years together. I gotta give him a chance.”
Michaela’s face was etched with concern. Her eyes begged me to reconsider. “Dorothy please…”
I refused to hear any of it. “I appreciate your concern but it isn’t your affair. You take care.” I gave her one last grin then turned to Loren and waved. I watched both of their disapproving faces as the wagon turned and headed out of town.
***
When we arrived home, I went to the kitchen with the food we had gotten from the mercantile and began fixing us some supper. “That can wait ‘till later,” Marcus called when he entered the house. “I got other plans for the evenin’.”
I followed his gaze towards our bedroom and smiled at the thought. It’d been a while since we really enjoyed each other. The previous night lead me to believe that it would be as pleasurable as it used to be. I willingly went with him to our bed and began undressing.
Marcus grabbed my hand as it found the buttons on my blouse. “Let me do that,” he said. The tone in his voice aroused something inside me that I had forgotten existed. My hands dropped to my side, allowing him full access to me.
When the shirt fell to the floor, he squeezed my breasts. He pushed himself against me and kissed me with great force. I allowed myself to forget the strength in his touch and instead relish in his lips.
I ran my hand down the front of his pants but Marcus snatched it up and twisted my wrist. “I’m in charge here tonight,” he said.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, leaning my head on his shoulder. “I only wanted you to enjoy this.”
He trust himself against me and began massaging my leg with one hand and my back with the other. “Don’t you worry about that. I’ll enjoy myself plenty.”
I don’t remember everything that happened next. Marcus went from passionately kissing me and taking off my clothes to hitting me and throwing me against our bedroom furniture. He threw me against the wall and I hit my side against the nightstand. I couldn’t get up after that so I just lay there on the floor waiting for the next blow, or the next kiss.
He picked me up off the floor and carried me to the bed. My naked body was covered in bruises and I knew there would only be more come morning. When he slid his hand between my thighs I gasped with pleasure, forgetting the pain. “You like that don’t ya,” he said.
I looked up and noticed for the first time that he had lost his clothes as well. He pinned my arms down with one hand and spread my legs with the other. I sucked in my breath at the pain that simply moving caused.
When he entered me I became completely absorbed in ecstasy. I forgot about the pain as we moved together, his grunts matching my moans.
***
After that night I didn’t leave. I was still certain that he’d change. The following day, however, I realized that things were never going to change.
Marcus came home and I knew that he’d been drinking for most of the day. He’d gone right back to his liquor, despite his promise to change. When he came in, his hand was clutching over his stomach. He complained bitterly of an awful stomach ache and went to the bedroom to take a nap.
When he woke later that night, he was in a worse mood than when he came home. He stumbled into the kitchen, a whiskey bottle under one arm, and sat down at the small wooden table. “Dorothy!” he yelled, even though I was standing in front of him. When he noticed I was there, he lowered his voice to a small grunt. “I’m hungry. Fix me somethin’ ta eat.”
“What do ya want?” I asked calmly.
“Fried eggs. I always want friend eggs.”
I went to the stove and started fixing some eggs. He came up behind me and rubbed himself against my leg. “Forget the food,” he whispered into my ear. “Let’s go upstairs.”
“I ain’t in the mood,” I told him sternly. “You wanted food and you’re gonna get it.”
“I changed my mind,” he said gruffly.
“Well you’re getting eggs.”
He slapped my backside and I stumbled forward, barely avoiding the hot stove in front of me. “I said I changed my mind,” he said when I turned around.
I threw the eggs down on the table and he began eating them, forgetting his other ideas. When he finished the eggs, I took the plate to the sink. When I turned around, Marcus was coughing into his handkerchief. I noticed the red spots on it as soon as I pulled it away from his face.
He’d spit blood many times in the past but it always stopped. As he continued to cough, I went to get him another kerchief. I must not have been moving fast enough for him because when I came back to the table, he hit me hard. I jumped back but was unable to escape from his reach. He hit me again across the cheek then another blow came to my eye.
He beat me for what seemed like hours. The bruises from the night before had just started appearing and were now being worsened by the second. I tried to fight him off but he kept grabbing my arm and twisting it back so I couldn’t move.
Eventually I managed to bring the struggle back to the kitchen. He threw me against the stove and I crashed against it. I grabbed the skillet that still sat there with egg residue on it. I brought it up and hit him fast.
Marcus feel backwards and hit the floor. He grabbed his head and started cursing me. He rolled over and moaned pitifully. I took the opportunity and ran out the door. I jumped on his still-saddled horse and headed away from the house.
Chapter 4-The Trial
In Colorado Springs, I settled back into the life I had wanted to start before Marcus showed up the last time. I was certain that he wouldn’t come after me again. Not after I fought back. This time he’d know I was serious about staying gone.
Dr. Quinn fixed me up again. It was on this visit that I started to see her as more than a doctor. She was slowly becoming a good friend. As she finished her examination, she stood up to me indignantly. “If you don’t get a sheriff to arrest him, I will.”
In the back of my mind I knew that this was what needed to be done but at this point, I was still under the false hope that Marcus was going to get the hint. “There’s no need for that. I tried the law before, it never came to nothin’. But it’s over now for sure. He won’t be comin after me.” I could tell by her look that she didn’t believe me though I was completely certain that Marcus and I would not see each other again. “He won’t!” I responded to her doubtful gaze.
Loren entered the clinic then with a pitcher of fresh water. “Thank you Loren,” Dr. Quinn said. She poured some of the cool clear liquid into a glass and began mixing some white powder into it. She handed me the glass and I took a sip. “What will you do now?” she asked, concerned.
I sipped the bitter drink again and held the glass between my two hands. “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I ain’t given it much thought. I guess I need a job.”
“What can you do?” Dr. Quinn wondered.
I thought about it some. Really the only thing I knew I was good at was farming. Anything else was just a hobby. Though I finally told her, “Well..I..I like writin’. I’ve written a lot of letters to the editor that’ve been printed.
“Maybe you could start a little newspaper.”
I hesitated some. “Well, I don’t know about that. Starting a newspaper was something educated folks did. Like I said, I like writing but really all I knew was my life on the farm.
To ease my uncertainty, Dr. Quinn turned to Loren. “Loren, what do you think?”
“We get the Denver paper,” Loren grumbled, obviously not keen on the idea. “That’s news enough for me.”
“But it’s a week old and it isn’t about anyone we know,” Dr. Quinn said.
Her confidence was beginning to rub off and me, inciting within me a small burning desire to do something. “May…maybe we could put a stack on the counter and sell ‘em for a penny.”
Loren continued reject the idea. “It’s a foolhardy idea. Besides, I don’t have any room on the counter.”
“You do now that I straightened up,” I noted.
Loren’s reply was short and sharp. “No, there’s no room there.” He stormed out of the clinic, leaving Dr. Quinn and I alone once more.
I turned to her with gratitude. It may have been a silly idea, but knowing she believed in me was something. “Thank you Dr. Quinn, for bein so kind.”
“Why don’t you call me Dr. Mike? Everyone else does.”
“What’s your Christian name?” I wondered.
She blushed and turned away from me slightly. With raised eyes, she responded “Michaela” and then chuckled as if she were embarrassed.
I found the name lovely. “It suits you. Mind if I call you that?”
“No. No, of course not.”
Before I could comment on her continued embarrassment over her name, Michaela and I heard shouts coming from the street. “Suddenly Help! Somebody help! Somebody gotta help me.” As the wagon pulled up in front of the clinic, most of the town gathered around. The young man driving came around and instructed, “Get the law, my boss is dead.”
“Who is he?” Hank asked as Michaela and I came outside.
“Jennings,” the boy said matter-of-factly. He turned and saw me and pointed his finger. “And there’s the woman done it. She killed him.”
In all the commotion I couldn’t tell what had happened. “What’re you talking about?” I asked as I rushed over to the wagon. I looked in and saw my husband lying there unconscious. I still couldn’t believe it. “Marcus?”
“He ain’t gonna hear you cause he’s dead.”
“Marcus?” I said again. I reached out to the cold body and started shaking it, hoping he’d wake up. “Marcus!”
“Well she did it,” the young man told the crowd. “You gotta do something”
“That’s impossible,” I said after gathering my wits. “He was alive when I left.”
“Well he ain’t alive now. And you’re the one that killed him. With this.” He pulled out a large skillet, the same one I had hit Marcus with before leaving. I gasped but remained silent as he put forth the incriminating evidence. “It was layin there beside him. It’s got his blood on it.”
Jake turned to those around him and said simply, “We better lock her up.”
Before my trial Michaela visited me often. After hearing my story several times, she assured me that she thought it was self defense. We both determined that I had nothing to worry about.
The trial was one of those that you think never happens. I was brought to the saloon and immediately surrounding but a herd of men who were convinced of my guilt. The judge couldn’t make it so in order for my rights to be upheld and a speedy trial to occur, Horace acted in his place. Michaela seemed to think the appointed jury, a few of the gathered men, was unfair. I couldn’t help but agree really. They had already made their decision.
The first witness was the young man, who turns out worked for Marcus on the farm. “They used to fight all the time. I could hear them clear out in the bunk house,” he told them.
“What were they fightin about?” Jake asked.
Michaela resented this interruption. “Horace, the jury can’t ask questions, you have to.”
“There you go actin like her lawyer again,” Jake complained.
Michaela stood tall and maintained her position in the trial. “Well I’d be happy to represent her if she’d have me”
“Now wait a minute,” Hank interjected.
Horace surprisingly, refused his complaint. “No. you wait,” he said. “Dr. Mike can talk as much as she likes. So can anyone else. Long as they take turns.” He then turned back to the man, “Go on, what were you saying?”
“Well they was fightin’ that night. Yes sir, woke me up they was screamin so loud. Then all of a sudden it stopped. So I went back to sleep. Couldn’t find Mr. Jennings the next day so I went to look for him the next day. That’s when I found him. Layin on the floor, blood all around him.”
That had only sewed it up for the jury of my so-called peers. Michaela insisted, however, that I get the chance to speak. “Drunk or sober it doesn’t really matter. Only difference was how hard he hit,” I told them.
“What gives a man the right to strike a woman whenever he feels like it?” Michaela asked at the jury’s seeming indifference to my abuse.
“Only three reasons I can think of,” Jake said as he leaned back against the bar. “She don’t love ya, she don’t honor ya, she don’t obey ya.”
Nothing much else happened of importance during the trial itself. Michaela attempted to get the men to see their faults but they would never admit that hitting their wives was wrong. They would remain faithful to Marcus, thinking he had done what was expected of him as a husband.
Loren came to visit me at the jail not long after I had been returned to my cell. “Have they reached a verdict?” I asked him.
“No, not yet,” he informed. He stood up against the bars and looked down at the hat in his hands. “You uh, need anything?”
I tried to make light of the situation. “Maybe you could bring me a cake with a file in it.” I quickly noted that he refused to look me in the eye. “What’s on your mind Loren?”
“Nothin’.”
“Ya always did have trouble with your feelins, didn’t ya. Some things don’t change do they? Come on Loren, just this once, tell me what’s bothering you.”
Finally Loren raised his eyes to mine. “There wasn’t a day gone by I didn’t think of you. Did you ever…uh…think of me?”
“Yes, I did,” I admitted.
“You know how hard it is seein you in here like this.”
My heart broke seeing him like that. “I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you.”
“Why’d you turn me down? I loved you so. We could have been happy together.”
“I didn’t love you Loren. I was in love with Marcus. He was exciting. I thought he was gonna be something.”
“But I wasn’t.”
“I don’t mean it like that.”
“Yes you do.”
“You can’t blame me for a choice I made back then. I was young. I didn’t know better. Don’t you think I used to pray to God every night that my life had turned out different?”
“I know I did.”
Horace came in then and told us that the jury had reached a verdict. Unsurprisingly, it came back guilty.
As I sat in my cell that night, alone and seeing only more nights like this in my future, I thought back to what Loren had said. It is true that back then, when he proposed, I didn’t love him, not like I loved Marcus. But time and time again I had wished and prayed that I could go back and fall in love with him. Nights like this I wish I had said yes that night.
Loren took me back to that same spot where we had our first picnic. Only difference was it was the middle of winter and snow covered the ground. “Loren, what are we doin’ here?” I laughed when I realized where he had taken me. “We can’t very well be havin’ a picnic.”
“And why not?” Loren asked as he helped me down from the wagon. In response I simply watched my boots sink into the white snow. “Oh I know, it’s snowy,” he said as he followed my gaze. “But it’s our spot. Snow shouldn’t stop us.”
I shrugged my shoulders and walked over to the tree we usually sat under. I leaned against the cold rough bark and watched Loren getting the picnic basket out of the wagon. “Are we really having a picnic?”
“Course.”
When he came over with the basket, I refused to sit down. I wandered around in the snow casually. Loren watched my every step. “You gonna just watch me or you gonna come enjoy the snow?” I finally asked him.
He walked over to me and took my hand. “I brought food.”
The flakes started falling from the sky again and I leaned my head back to catch them in my mouth. “Marry me,” he whispered while bringing my eyes back to his.
I stood for a moment in shock then brushed off the proposal. I sat down in the middle of the deep snow where Loren soon joined me. “Loren, I told you before, I don’t love you.”
“Dorothy we’d be so happy together. It’d be just like this everyday for the rest of our lives.”
“And Marcus?”
“He won’t treat you right Dorothy. He don’t love you.”
I shrugged and smiled. “But I love him.”
Loren brushed a snowflake off my cheek and then rose from his spot on the ground. “And me lovin’ you means nothin’.”
I let my mind drift out of the memory slowly, still hoping that the ending would change, but it never did. And things were much too complicated now for it ever to be different. I thought of Loren that night and ended up crying myself to sleep.
I can’t tell you much of what happened in the next few days or really, how it all happened because I was sitting in that jail cell while it all went on. But Michaela was never willing to give up on me. After I told her over and over what had happened, she began to question how Marcus had really died. Being the intelligent woman that she is, it wasn’t long before she had figured it out.
As it turns out, Marcus had died from drinking too much. Michaela proved it to the men with an autopsy and I became a free woman once more. Aside from Loren, Michaela was my first friend in Colorado Springs. I’d soon call her my best friend. It is because of her that I am where I am today.
That was how I came to live in Colorado Springs once more. I settled down at Loren’s and started my newspaper, the Gazette. I wouldn’t have gotten there without Loren and Michaela and I wouldn’t have lasted long if not for all the other friends I made.
Chapter 5-The Reverend
At the center of every community is it’s church and so it seems fitting to start off the record of my town with our reverend, Timothy Johnson. Before he found God, Timothy Johnson lived a life of sin. Some of my encounters with him made me question whether he really had found God or if he was still manipulative. In the end, however, I see that his heart lies in the spiritual well-being of this town and therefore I respect him.
My first intimate experience with the Reverend happened not long after I arrived in Colorado Springs again. He hadn’t been around when I left but had apparently set up a nice life for himself there. Everyone respected him and I soon learned to do likewise, though every once in awhile he surprised us with his viewpoints.
The first shock for me was a man of God supporting a costume that I considered inappropriate for a woman of my age to wear, especially in public. A traveling circus had come to town and surprised everyone by putting the townsfolk in the show as its only performers. The Reverend had been given the role of the magician and I was to be his assistant. When Heart, the circus owner, threw me onstage scantily clad, I was completely ashamed.
There were whistles from the crowd, who had gathered. It was small since this was only a rehearsal, yet I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. When offers for a position as a prostitute came from Hank, I ran behind the curtain to hide myself.
The Reverend followed me quickly. He handed me a shawl and took my hand. “It really isn’t that bad Dorothy,” he said.
“Not that bad?!” I gasped. “Did you hear them out there?”
“Well maybe it is a bit…. revealing.”
“A bit?”
“But it fits so nicely.”
I was shocked that he had even noticed but was unsure how to respond to that. Here was the leader of my church commenting my figure.
He must have known what I was thinking because he attempted a retraction of that statement. “I didn’t mean…”
“I can’t wear this,” I told him.
“I shouldn’t be ashamed Dorothy. You have a gift from God and should be proud of it.”
“Turnin’ heads in the street is one thing. Dressing like a whore is quite another.”
“Oh Hank’s girls don’t dress near as good as that.” I knew he was trying to make a joke but I didn’t laugh. “I’ll talk to heart,” he finally said. “I’m sure we can find something a little more appropriate.”
I never could figure out how serious he was that day. All I know is I was aghast at him suggesting that a corset and stockings were appropriate attire for a public stage.
***
The town learned the hard way about Timothy Johnson’s past life. When Julius Hoffman arrived in Colorado Springs we thought nothing of him. He came for the large poker game at the saloon and aside from his ability to beat everyone he did not seem a threat. When Hoffman’s true colors began to show, those of the Reverend did as well.
Julius came into town and pretended to help Matthew Cooper learn the tricks of poker. We all believed that Matthew was unbeatable and backed him in the big game. When Matthew was beaten and robbed, the Revered revealed what he knew about Julius and the con-artist was caught. Questions soon arose about how the Reverend knew so much about the sinful man. As it turns out, Julius knew Timothy a long time ago, when both were gamblers.
When the chaos of the poker game and Matthew’s robbery settled some, the townsfolk looked to the Reverend for answers. A large crowd had gathered outside the saloon when one of the other poker players had revealed what had happened with Julius. “So Rev,” Hank said as he walked out the swinging doors of his establishment. “What’s this I hear about you tryin’ to set me up here?”
“Now Hank,” Michaela interjected. “You know the Reverend had nothing to do with this.”
“All I know,” Hank chided as he ran his hand through his long locks. “Is that I had a cheater at my poker table and he knew about it.”
The Reverend pleaded innocence. “Please Hank, there was nothing I could have done.”
“You told Michaela.”
“I was trying to protect Matthew.”
“But him gettin’ my money was fine,” Hank spat. “And the rest of the town?”
Before the Reverend could interject more defense, Jake chimed in on the conversation. “Sounds like you were mostly trying to protect yourself Reverend. Now we all know you were friends with this Julius. Why don’t you just tell us how?”
The Reverend used to be one of the top winners in his hometown. His winnings, however, were not legitimate. “We knew how to work the tables,” the Reverend eventually admitted. “We’d find young players and help them cheat. Make them think they were naturals. Then we’d swipe all the winnings in the big game.”
“And this is the man you all call your Reverend,” Hank laughed.
“He’s turned his life around,” Michaela argued. “You can’t judge him on his past.”
“Don’t get on that soapbox Michaela” Hank sneered.
“How are we supposed to know he’s really changed?” a townsman asked.
The Reverend cut off Michaela’s answer with his own. “I found God,” he claimed. “I realized that what I was doing was wrong and decided it was time to move on to better things. I can’t make you believe that but it’s true.”
“And this Julius fellow, he’s still cheatin’?” someone else questioned.
“Julius won’t ever change,” the Reverend knew. “He likes money too much. He thrives off cheating.”
Hank turned up his mouth in a sly smile. “What’d he think when you turned your back on him?”
“He wasn’t happy, of course,” the Reverend answered. “Especially since in the process I cheated him out of a good deal of money.”
“I can’t do it anymore Julius,” Timothy insisted, pouring his winnings out in front of him. “And all of this is going with me.”
“Half of that is mine,” Julius said as he scooped up a handful of coins.
“Would have been yours.”
“You know me better than that,” Julius smirked. “I won’t let you take what is rightfully mine.”
“You try and stop me,” Timothy shot back. “I do know you. Very well. And I know that if you tried to attack me I could take you to the floor before you knew what hit you. That’s why you always sent me to do the dirty work, remember?”
“Timothy, you can’t be serious. You’re giving up this life, money, fame, good looks… oh and those girls…mmmm. You’d give all that up cause your conscious suddenly started talking?”
“I have a higher calling,” Timothy answered. “God’s shown me the evil in my actions and I have to do something to repent.”
“God? What do you know about God?”
“Not near enough but I aim to learn.”
“You won’t get away with this,” Julius yelled as the door slammed in his face.
Unfortunatly chapter 6 is a long time coming. Too much real life going on to focus on fanfics. Trying to graduate and find a job. :(