What's wrong with eating disorders?

Anorexia. Bulimia. The words bring up images of young girls, with fragile self esteems, destroying their bodies with diet pills, vomiting up their lunches, exercising for hours on end. All so they can be thinner, look prettier. What’s so bad about that? Seriously. Why is it bad for a girl to want to be thinner? I admit there is such a thing as too thin, but this is a country full of obese people, not anorexics.

If little Stacey’s parents walk in on her 90 pound friend Jenny expunging her dinner in their toilet, there’s a good chance they’ll want Stacey to limit her time with Jenny. Jenny needs help, she’s sick, they don’t want some of that contagious lack of self esteem to afflict Stacey. If Stacey’s friend Jenny is 335 pounds, and eats a whole goat for a meal, she’s got a healthy appetite. She’s not fat, she’s big boned.

It’s ok for people to say Lara Flynn Boyle looks like a spinal cord with legs. It’s ok because she’s really thin and obviously doesn’t eat enough. If I say Rosie O’Donnell has to fly first class because her giant fat ass wont fit in coach, I’m being insensitive to overweight people.

Bullshit I say. She’s fat. Why is it so much worse to be too thin than it is to be too fat? Gluttony is a sin in the bible. Obesity is a character flaw in many countries. In America, it’s “not afraid of being you” and “not conforming to the media’s ideal”. I say if you’re going to treat eating disorders, make the fat people thinner. Worry about the thin people later. Most people don’t think of obesity when someone says eating disorder. We think of those thin girls with yellow teeth and bad breath. The fact is, there are more overweight people in America than there are underweight people.

Having skinny friends has advantages. When I throw a party, I spend less on food (leaving more money for alcohol). Skinnier girls get drunk easier, and put less strain on my bed. When I go out to a bar with skinny people, I feel much larger than I really am (helps with my Napoleon complex).

I wonder if all the fattys are in a secret club, and they conspire to destroy all the thin girls. Maybe they think if all the girls gained thirty pounds, people wouldn’t find the obese to be so fat by comparison. Like if everyone just changed their perspective... Weird. Maybe all the chubby girls are just jealous they can’t see their ribs.

Let's face it, you're fat. If you want to stay rollie pollie, it's up to you. I can hook you up with my buddy Jason, he likes his women chunky. You do have the power to fix it though, you can be thin. Exercise helps, so do diet pills, stomach stapling is better.  If you’re going with bulimia, just remember to drink lots of water, it’ll help dilute your stomach acids.