I don’t know if I could handle being on an anti-depressant. Why would I want to go through life at one constant emotional level? Sounds boring to me. Isn’t the human experience really defined by emotion? Isn’t that what really makes each of us an individual? The way we react to out external influences?

Really I don’t know what the hell I just said. I was just showing off my bullshit ability. If you were just reading that, and agreed with me, either I was actually right (accidentally) and didn’t know it, or you’re just much stupider than I am (if this is the case, and you're an attractive girl, stop reading now and e-mail me).

I learned how to bullshit growing up. Everyone in my family does it. My brother Brian is the biggest bullshitter of them all. That’s why he’s been a salesman for such a long time. Now he’s going into counseling where he’ll finally be able to utilize that ability to it’s fullest.

In the past I have mostly used my bullshit ability to get out of trouble, and to get laid. I don’t know how many girls really think I was a professional surfer, or the brother of someone famous, or a trust fund baby, or a friend of their friends, or that I really thought they were pretty/smart/funny/interesting/worthwhile/just right/thin/good at their job/ someone I could see myself being with for a long time/inspiration for my next book or song/someone I actually liked. The list goes on and on.

Now before you label me some sort of a pig, understand that a lot of these girls were playing the same game. They told me all sorts of half-truths and lies, the difference was I realized they were lying. They didn’t have the same mastery of fibbing that I do. Although I may have manipulated some girls by appealing to their fantasies and dreams of being the first wife of someone rich and famous, they deserved it.

Basically any girl that would sleep with me because she really believed I am a pro surfer, or rich, or that my show will be coming on ABC next fall, deserves every moment of regret she gets from me. These girls were trying to manipulate me just as much as I manipulated them. They figured they would give up a little now and get a lot later.

Imagine their shock and disappointment when all they got was rope burn and a case of crabs.