Housecleaning Tips

Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers.

Dust bunnies cannot evolve into
dust rhinos when disturbed.

Layers of dirty film on windows and screens
provide a helpful filter against the harmful
and aging rays from the sun.

Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the
glare from the bulb, thereby creating
a romantic atmosphere.

Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against
the doorway by claiming you are collecting
it to stuff hand sewn play animals for underprivileged children.

If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into
one room and close the door. As you show your guests
through your tidy home, rattle the doorknob vigorously,
fake a growl and say, "Dam door always sticks”.

If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place
a showy urn on the coffee table and insist,
"THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."

Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightlyover a dirty wall
with an assortment of crayons, and tell people
you encourage yourchildren to be creative

Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups
of water in a spray bottle.Mist the air lightly. Leave
dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an
exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch,
and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."