Signs of Menopause

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood
stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter.

3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids'
names on them.

4. Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home." And
your reply, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie Nelson."

5. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's
Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.

6. You change your underwear after every sneeze.

7. You're on so much estrogen that you take your
Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales.

8. When your husband tells a joke about woman and menopuase.
Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.