It was warm outside and I could feel the rain shattering on the sill of the open window. The trees hung in a desolate, depressed manner, then again, that could have just been my imagination. Lightning streaked across the sky for a milisecond, and I thought of the way he had left when he was done. It had been so quick, and I suppose that was the only way it could have happened. I remember how my cheeks had burned as my tears ran across my face, then my neck, and my breasts. I remember the bruises in the shapes of fingers on my left arm, and my right upper thigh. Most of all though, I remember Jon.
Take care of it.
I thought about Jon, and how angry he was going to be when he came back from Ohio. It wasn’t taken care of.
I rubbed my round belly for a moment, and my hand shrunk away, as if the thing inside of me had bitten my fingertips. It felt warmer in that spot, more so than usual. It felt red where it had felt pink a few months ago. The red feeling washed over me as I thought about Jon. Maybe he would understand, but he was a democrat, a good Jew, a boy, a student, a debate president, a star soccer player, a human, an American.
The thunder clapped and cracked against my ears, and I closed the window too late to stop a brisk gasp of wet air into my room. It lingered against my chest for a moment, then settled on my belly. I walked across the room to the old wooden chair my mother had told me to take to college. The purple paint was peeling, exposing the light, dry wood underneath. It was rough to the touch, and the chair itself was uncomfortable. I lowered my rounder self into the seat and picked up a Cosmopolitan magazine from a few months ago. The cover had a thin model with long brown waves pushing her chest forward and trying to look sexy.
67 ways to make hot sex steaming!
Love your life Now!
Cheap Fashion Steals!
Get this Cosmo Girl’s look!
I put the magazine down, and I picked up the phone. Jon flashed through my mind, and I tried to think of his cell phone number. It wasn’t coming forward, but the clinic’s did.
13127082917
I thought about the name of the clinic but couldn’t remember it. I felt like I should have known it though. I felt like they had a saying.
Give us your hungry, your lost, and your unwanted. We’ll take care of it.
It was too eerie that I knew that number over Jon’s and I threw the phone on my bed. The trees outside were being tossed around now, the rain spitting on the window. My belly started to thump and ache a little. I imagined the fetal pigs we had worked with in biology sophomore year in high school, and I saw one inside of me, starting to kick and squeal. It couldn’t open it’s eyes yet, but it could scream. I started to feel sick. The piglet kicked, it’s screams vibrating through my belly, rising up to my chest, then into my head. I was getting dizzy. I stood up and my little piggy started to buck it’s head. The bed was only a few feet away. I felt something hot on my inner thigh and I touched it afraid that it would be clear liquid. It was red.
Red, the color of my life. I sat shocked for a moment. Then jumped up before the first drops hit the carpet. I squeezed my legs together, and it started to burn. I thought about Jon, I thought about his stupid pig that was tearing into the world without any permission. It came in scraping, and came out tearing. I could feel the blood on my thighs, it was hot. I found my tongue, and yelled for my mother. She was the only one that could have been home. I could see her running in, seeing the blood and then squeezing her rosary.
Mom, I need help.
She would cross herself, and whisper something under her breath. She would let me stand with my legs pinched together, trying to keep it away from her.
Mom, Mom? Mom! Mom? Mommy?
I started wobbling to the door, trying to keep my legs together. I started to smell the blood. Pain was ripping through me.
Mom? Mother? Mother!
I remembered the phone on the bed and turned around. I gave up on pinching my legs and ran for the phone. I dialed my sister at the clinic. She came and picked me up, telling me I could stay with her since I wouldn’t be able to go home to Mom.
The pain was incredible. Piggy was screaming again. I passed out before we got to the clinic.
I woke up a few hours later in the clinic, a hospital smelling room, everything was too clean and sterile. I knew it was gone. I knew I would never see it. I could still smell the blood though. My sister’s voice waffed in through the door, and I decided that sleep would be better than talking ot her about this, or asking God for forgiveness. I closed my eyes, and heard Jon’s voice.
I knew you’d take care of it.
I rubbed my eyes, and I saw Jon walk in through the door, my sister looked in and waved at me, then disappeared behind the white door. Jon sat down and smiled. He kissed my forehead and told me that I looked awful. He looked good. He was wearing a white shirt and jeans. He smelled like a department store.
Baby, I knew you would take care of it. That’s my dependable girl. Are you going to be ok for the party this Friday?
I nodded and thought about the pig. It couldn’t even open it’s eyes, and it was gone. We had plugged it’s veins latex, and then cut it up on a board. Stuck pins into it and labeled each part. It was shameless.
I felt Jon put his hand on my leg, and I flinched.
I’m going to Greg’s now, will you be home later fopr me to call you?
I shrugged and he promised he would call. My sister came in later, and brought my a Cosmo magazine to read. The next day I would go home, and sleep all day, all week, all month. When I woke up, it would be time to go to college. I was old.
FIN
