The U.S. Army

I have the right to talk shit about the Army, I did my time and got out honorably. After being "out" I've come to decide I don't regret going in, and I don't hate it (it's like the thing you love to hate). As a matter of fact, I've decided that as a final act of revenge for my kids, I'm going to convince them to join.  As a vet with a knowledge of HTML, it's my duty to complain/discuss it using the web.  Plus my shrink thinks its a good idea to help with the healing process so I don't end up in a bell tower with a fifth of jack and a rifle.  

    A brief overview of my career in the military is in order.  At 17 I joined the Army National guard, because I was still in school, and too young for the Army....The recruiter promised me I could throw hand grenades and shoot rifles while my friends had summer jobs.  Cool, I thought...so I signed up, and yup...I got to do all that stuff...it was fun, life was good.  After I graduated high school, I had to go finish my training. Turns out, I could read and write pretty good, so they wanted to make me a medic. Despite the fact that I knew nothing about the body, I agreed and became a pretty damn good one.  However,  I wanted more...one weekend a month was ok...but I enjoyed it so much I enlisted for full time.   I left my killer job that paid me more than my dad made and went active duty.  I actually told the recruiter that I didn't care about benefits, I wanted to be a soldier.  

      I was sent to Hawaii...to find myself in the 25th I.D. (ID stands for Infantry Division).  I got to save a few lives, see the world, competed in soldier of the month, soldier of the quarter, soldier of the year competitions and won them all.  I quickly moved up through the ranks and became senior line medic (which is a medic that is in the infantry).  At one point, I could do more infantry skills then most infantry guys.  I took it upon myself to study everything I could.  After all, if/when we went to war, it makes sense I would be able to operate every weapon in my platoon.  

    Then came time for reenlistment.  That's when I got screwed.  They LIED to me on my reenlistment, and as a result, I decided that I shouldn't be willing to sacrifice my life for liars.  I decided to get out.  The best way to "punish" them would be to simply not serve them anymore.  Keep in mind, I never did it for the money (there was none), or the college funds.  I did it because it was expected of me in my family.  I come from a long line of people who have served in the military.  

    Long story short, I signed  declination statement.  Basically, that means when your time is up, and you have reenlisted, you get your orders to your new assignment and you don't go.  There is no punishment per se, but you serve the remainder of your tour where you are.  Luckily the right officers saw my dedication to my job, and worked it so I wouldn't do the rest of my time in an infantry unit.  I was offered a position in an aviation unit- this made my life a lot better since they have a different mission, and thus, don't suffer in the rain and mud like infantry guys.  I did the rest of my time there, and despite the fact it was easier, I STILL broke my wrist, making me eligible for disability when I got "out"

So eventually my contract was up- I got out- HONORABLY.  With a messed up wrist I get to collect disability pay, and as such, I am able to go to college for free.  I don't regret my time in the army, but I still wish they didn't lie to me.  They could have had one of the best troops for about 20 years, or until I was too old to fire a rifle.

     So, what the fuck is wrong with today's army-in my opinion?  What the hell were those rocket scientists in charge thinking of with this "Army Of One" shit?  It used to be entirely a team concept. Well, this new approach isn't seen as smart by a lot of the vets as seen here.  

The Army has its ups and downs & here are the ones I went through.  It should be pointed out that not every unit is the same, and as such, this list will never be completely accurate or completely finished.

Downs- Things I hated about the Army

• Having to go up to a month without showers, TV, or normal food.
• Having to walk all night long with heavy things on your back cause the village idiot is the map reader.
• The tasteless garbage they call food.
• The hours of waiting for no apparent reason.
• The hours of waiting for no apparent reason on a Friday evening.
• Being led by uneducated simpletons.
• No privacy.
• The fact that you sacrifice your personal rights, to defend everyone else's rights.
• The endless red tape and paperwork that seems to accompany everything you need to do.
• The unfairness within the sexes.  Yes, woman DO have it easier.
• All the shots you need to get and get and get.
• The pay being so low, most families are on welfare. I shit you not.
• The fact that our taxes pay our paycheck, and we are required to pay taxes (even though taxes are deducted from every paycheck already) go figure.
• The fact that we only get to shoot our weapons a few times a year.
• The fact that 99% of the soldiers nowadays are there for every reason except to be a soldier.
• The fact that you get paid the same as the slug, pogue (shitbag) that does less work then you, & goes to the field less.
• Lockdowns (This happens when some idiot loses a weapon or other sensitive item.  You can stay in a building for DAYS while they investigate.
• Having to sleep in the most extreme weather. (p.s. for all you soldiers in the field right now...the RAIN god is a pussy)
• Not having quality training.
• Living in ghetto style barracks/housing.
• Waking up before the rest of the world with NO real reason then waiting around cause you have to wait for the rest of the world to wake up.
• Physical Training (exercise) in the rain/snow/high altitude searing heat...
• Being forced to give a DNA sample...There goes my career as a serial killer.
• Sadistic leaders.
• The  nature of being a soldier means you will wear down your knees, backs, and ankles to the point of chronic pain, then they kick you out. heh.
• The fact that most towns located right off posts both hate you, and rely on you for most of their business.
• The much more strict rules you are expected to live by.
• Never seeing your family...even the ones you live with because your always deploying, or working.
• They literally own you.  Seriously.  They control 100% of EVERYTHING about you.
• Having 6 roommates, that each own a TV, and stereo system and having them all on at once.
• Most of the people are so fucked up by the Army, they are or eventually become alcoholics, homeless, or drug abusers.
• They are going to start using a beret traditionally worn by elite soldiers. (that's one helluva thing to do).
• The forced brain implants...umm...forget I said that one.

Ups- Things that rule.

• Being able to play with cool things like tanks, humvees, & weapons.
• Cool schools like Airborne, Ranger, grade school math, English as a second language, field sanitation, etc...
• Getting to go all over the world.
• School benefits.
• You get to eat all the ice cream you want.
• You get pretty ribbons. The pretty ribbons above are the one I got. toldya you get pretty ribbons.  If you want me to make you a spiffy custom awards image for your web page lemme know.
• You get to invade other countries sometimes.
• You meet some really cool, strange people. I swear one of my roommates was clinically insane.
• I guess the mandatory fun days, and "days of no scheduled activities" (adonsa's)  fits here, even though they really aren't fun.
• Copious 3 day weekends, and when a U.S. President dies, you get a day off.
• I was in incredible shape (of course now, the thought of exercise repulses me).
• Free everything: dental, medicine, pain, suffering, etc...
• It forced me to grow up, mature, and gave me discipline...but then again so did Karate and prison.
• If your good, they put you in charge of stuff and people.
• You get to run...everywhere you go.
• The fact that I was part of a long proud tradition. 

How can you tell a recruiter is lying?
His lips are moving.

How do you save a drowning recruiter?
 Take your foot off his head.

What's the difference between a recruiter and a bucket of shit?
The bucket.