___________________________________
We are the music makers, and we are the
dreamers of the dream. Wandering by lone sea breakers,
and sitting by desolate streams.
World losers and world forsakers, for whom
the pale moon gleams. Yet we are movers
and the shakers of the world forever it seems.
-Arthur O'Shaunessey
___________________________________
Poetry by Nisha Sharma
New York
Bustling of winter coats
Barren trees amidst the crisp air
Sidewalks and streets crisscrossing everywhere
City lights brightly lit against the night
Tall bricked buildings looming in every shade but white
Brightened yellow taxis and standard cab fares
Weaving in and out of Times and Union Squares
Catering, deliveries and countless spots to dine
Outside its sunny and freezing cold at the same time
Hopping on and off the Subway
And reading books at The Strand on a Sunday
And watching people congregate on No Pants Day
A quiet, sunny Bedford in Brooklyn
And an apartment on the Upper East Side
Or a quick Manhattan Bridge ride
Billboards crowded with foreign letters
And dogs tightly wrapped up in sweaters
Bakeries in all shapes, sizes, colors and smells
Businesses popping up off of whatever sells
Spicy, roasted cashews and aromatic peanuts
And hot dog vendors abound
Winter boots walking on every corner can be found
Fashion, entrepreneurs, brokers and Broadway
Publishers and producers living their dreams everyday
Ice skating at Rockafeller in the biting cold
All joined together are the young and the old
Tourists and locals enjoying newspapers and coffees
And culinary arts perfecting their delicacies
Winter in New York City is a winter like no other
And it comes to an end too soon
Crunching snow melting into spring
Under that shining New York moon.
-----------
Scattered moonbeams
Star crusted light
Shiny dust
Of the endless night
Misty clouds descend the sky
I dare not ask the question why
He could not be here on this night
I cry
This night of pride, of ebony
Of comets and planets
Gazing down on me
He could not hold me on this night
He could not pull me
Toward the light
The clock strikes twelve
And now I dwell
Beneath your heavens
And above my hell
The vast space of darkness
Swims around the moonlight
The subtle sprays of ocean
And the scattering flecks of white
I wonder what the reason was
He could not sit with me tonight
Won't know why he could not come
And make my wrongs alright..
------------
You call it madness, but I call it love.
-------
I want to tell you I don't care
It shouldn't matter if nobody's there
I could tell you all to leave my life
Though no one would fill these memories
I'd be a windy soul of empty breeze
But would I rather own this heart that aches
That gives and gives and never takes?
Or shall I force myself in your embrace?
What can I do in these daily routines
Am I destined to live only through dreams?
I want to scream in your hard of hearing ears
That I need so much more than just this
But getting that point across to you
Would be crossing an abyss
Of misunderstandings and difference of opinions
And an unleashing of dead layers of our
Toughened skins
I should walk away and erase the present and the past
But if I was an empty slate
Then how long would I last?
I could never forget what's happened thus far
And everyday is a darkening warning
What you've meant to me
And what I've done for you
Is nothing short of alarming
Can I look away for a moment
And truly wish for a change
That'll somehow go my way?
Or shall it be as it is now
Day after day after day
Soon you'll forget all of it
And my heart will ache it's life away...
----------------
Anguish in my heart
Sorrow in my eyes
One thing after another
And I'm quite surprised
Didn't know you could lose
That person in your life
Didn't know it could happen
Haven't felt this strife
Why did you do this, all of it
Bruised up my heart
Left me in the dark
Now it's up in the air, don't
Know what to do
All I know is I have lost you
All I know is that I love you
But I can't make it the same
Hurt, pride, jealousy
Cold, upset misery
Life goes on they say
But where does friendship fit in?
And what the hell do I have to do
To make the past come back again?
How can I make you realize
What's happening to me
And this anxious, cold heartache
Won't set me free...
Memories are too much for me
And our happy days are lost at sea
Lost in the darkness
And lost in our minds
Somewhere in our hearts
It'll all be left behind
Won't you come back to me?
I thought best friends we'd always be
But the meaning is lost and I can't find it
Were we not born as sisters
Because He didn't see it fit
And so our friendship broke
Bit by bit by bit...
--------------------
Who?
when im lonely
who is there to comfort me?
my salty tears and the cold, cold sea
i dont know why this keeps happening
to me
all i've known and all i'll be
is swimming in a lost
heart of tragedy
desperately lonely
and scared of this world
if you look closely you will
see a deep, brown-eyed girl
scared of the present and
terrified of the past
why do nightmares linger
while sweet dreams never last?
when im lonely
who is there to comfort me?
not the clear skies and white clouds
or even the people that love me
not the great, great shade of a willow tree
or the wonderful words you'd promised i'd be
why is that beautiful flowers must fade
all the foundations that humanity has laid
and all the seemingly impossible goals
we've made
all i've known and all i'll be
has turned into swirls of uncertainty
childhood fades and reality sweeps through
that's when disappointment and regrets ensue
each time in the mirror I see this sad face
My heart breaks for myself knowing
I'm ultimately losing this race
when I'm lonely
who is there to comfort me?
the bright stars and the silent moonlight
broken bridges play a haunted melody
I don't why this keeps happening
to me...
-------
Eyes
With just your eyes
You can crack me
Dismantle, whip and
Smack me
You and your lies
I see your eyes
In between my sheets
The tree’s bows toss and
The wind blows my wisps of hair
And even then you’re there
With just your eyes
The acid lodges up my throat
I feel the sharp bite
Of secrets, lies and wishes
On my neck and so it itches
I should walk into the ocean
To not look back, I wouldn’t dare
Instead of standing out in the cold
To just stare, and stare
But even in the vast waves
Of ocean beating
Black and infinitely bleeding
I know your eyes are there.
-------------------------------
Night creeps unto
And darkness ensues
My soul pushes outward
All my thoughts are renewed
My fingers touch the piano keys
Melody rings into the air
The moon shrinks into its
Frost and bone white glare
I hear nothing bu the music
Of ghosts and those unborn
He who loved and left the scars
For the heart to softly adorn
I sing into the night
Minutes and hours tick, tick on
Night knows no morning
When the heart pours
Its untold song
And when the sun wins, it rises
My soul sinks inward again
The patterns of its mournful
Heart do forever extend
Love belonging in the night need not
Now be declared
With only the starlit piano keys
Can such we be rightfully paired.
-------------------------
Take me there
To that place of rolling hills
Away from all the cheap thrills
I want peace inside my soul
And out
I want to know what sanctity
Is all about
Take me to the sound of water
And a place of sinking sands
Away from this slavery of
Demands
Take me to an apple orchard
An outdoor picnic at the park
A place lacking in criticism
Or negative remark
I want to hear pure laughter
And smell fresh spring air
I want to dance without restraint
And sing until my soul is bare
I want to know the voice of love
And go out on a fruitful limb
A place equal in all blessings
And no evil brimming within
Take me there
To that place of music and melody
Where everybody knows how to
Agree
I want shades of greens and blues
Smiling down different avenues
I want a pot of fragrant tea
Pouring and steaming up at me
Do you think you can
...take me there?
-----------------
For everything there is a season,
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
--------------
In the shade of the trees
I think of how much you mean to me
Days are short
And nights linger forever
If we could spend even
One moment together
The grass is always green
And my heart is never the same
If I could call this feeling anything
Love would be the name
What you do to my mind and my soul
Even one part of you
And I think I'd be whole
What it is about your face
That swirls around me in the wind
If I could wake up just one morning
With my face upon your skin...
-----------------------------
A bottomless lake dappled in grey
Silver stars strewn across the sky
Blankets of midnight blue, swimming
As the clock tick ticks, away
I stare at the moon and it
Glares back back, at me
The sunlight faded to blackness
Oh why do you always betray me?
On a night like this my dreams come forth
And with it blurry memories
I see you touching my face, so young
An innocence your knowing hands stung
A beauty in me that I feel is erased
Obliterated from being grown up
Who knew my shining eyes and smile
Would only last for a short, short while
I see you
Driving me to cafes, walking in the night
I remember you calling out my name
I realize now I'm the one to blame
The bone white moon exposes my shame
Clear crisp air wraps around my face
And I see us in that last embrace
Why can't you be here now
What is it about life that constantly takes you forward
And each moment becomes the past
It's never the same
The bright newness of anything
Never is destined to last
Why must I face the endless night alone
Upon a lake so deep and silent
The vastness of it all
Envelops me completely
And you are all but a thought so strong
Day and night and everything
But the memory of you, is wrong...
----------------------
Autumn leaves fall
And carry with it such grace
Found only in the cool wisps
Of a breeze across my face
Staring out at the moon
I see all there is to see
Winter and darkness
Staring back at me
I know there's something
In the strength of your hands
The glisten in your eyes
Leaves me in such trance
I reach and I reach down
Into the bottom of my heart
The nervousness the panic
Oh it rips me apart
So much to see and so much to do
All I know is to want and want more
The steadiness I once knew
My body left it by the sea shore
And is love after all
The meaning of life?
Is that what carries us through
Strife after strife?
Or is it the bright moonlight
And the sand and the beach
The calm and peaceful raindrops
Falling just out of my reach
When all I want is to smile
My shadow steals it all from me
Walking down cold streets
Holding my cup after cup
Of coffee
In the cup my reflection
Looks back at me unhappily
You, who is strong enough to
Carry me away from here
Do you think you could take my hands into your's?
And sweep my feet off these cold floors
Show me a sunrise or two...or three
For the setting of the sun has long haunted me
And when the reds and goldens
Of crisp, crisp leaves
Shine all the way to the ground
The beating of my heart
Would gradually calm,
Softly, til no more sound.
------
I look at the stars and wonder to myself
How did it all come to this
The dark, vast sky and the cold air
And the subtle sprays of mist
The flat sidewalks, bare and hard
And the trees that blow in the night
The wind howls and the crickets sing
And my eyes reflect moonlight
I ask myself, what is more important? Than
A daily life filled with stress
Is not the newspapers and the coffee
But a picnic and a park
In a polka-dotted dress
Not the cars and the crimes
Or the price of a stock
But the sun and the moon
And a heartfelt talk
A kiss on the cheek, a hug
Of farewell
A laugh to remember
Of not the day that I fell
Desparation and despair
Are the thorns in roses
And my heart is not ready for that
I close my eyes to darkness, and
See only the light
In a time where smiles are
Measured by money
That determines the day as cloudy or sunny...
I watch the grass grow.
And I look at the stars and wonder to myself
How did it all come to this
Not the cherry blossoms or green bamboos
Nor the silver rain drops on pavements
Instead, an alarm clock and the morning news
But the words in my heart sing softly to me
In our vast yet short, short life
All the joy in the world need not be searched for
If I can just unlock that faraway door
To the truth of nature and not people's faces
Look beyond the cracks and through all life's
spaces
Only there and then is beauty
Only then; in a swinging hammock
And the soft, surreal breeze
Is pure, unadultered ease.
-----------------
Gloria Steinem:
Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don't
feel I should be doing something else.
-------
I always was the color red
What do you think
Shall I say my hair was red
Or strawberry blonde,
Like my mother always said?
We both had red hot tempers
Though she’d kiss me everyday
And sing, “Off you go”
As I skipped away.
Her red lipstick would
Stain my cheeks each day
My face was red and rosy
This way and that
My hair would blow and spread
If my hair was really fire
It would’ve painted the town red.
At least that’s what you had said.
My love for life
Was as passionate as red.
I used to drink red Pinot Noir
And laugh at the things you said.
But everyday I still felt duller.
I wasn’t as important
As the primary color red
The fragrance of spring’s rose petals
Never flowed my way
I still wait for it each day
Shall I slit my wrists
And show you color?
Pure, darkened red
Or shall I sit on your red roof
And only wish I wasn’t
Half of Christmas
The color green must regret
Being paired with me
Now I know that you and I just weren’t
Meant to be.
But I always was the color red.
Not the spicy flavor of chili pepper
Or the juice of sweet berry red
But the trapped tangles of
Mendhi on a bride’s hands
That wished she could be dead.
I am not the bright red
Of sindoor on her forehead
Nor the beauty of stained glass windows
But the prickly thorns on every rose.
I am the sharp pain
That women feel each month
I am not the place
Where the red fern grows
Nor Alice’s authoritative red queen
But the pair of red dice thrown down
And the bloody tears you’ve seen
That fell from Mary’s cheeks.
I always was the color red
Inside the temple of Seraphim
Even after I was dead
Drifting amidst white ghosts
You can still see
One that’s red.
----------------------------
Amber hair and shining eyes
As if each day brought some new surprise
Confident and sure of my entirety
And unaware of every misery
If only this is how my life could be
I'd run out the door each day freely
And I'd greet the world so powerfully
And know that trouble is invisible to me
What I wouldn't give for a confident me
I'd trade almost all I have right now
For not one soul takes me seriously
It cuts me up inside
And sends tears streaming from my eyes
I wish to soar above everybody
If only I could have a great destiny
If I could discover a reason to live
I'd hold onto it and never let go
If I could be stronger than anyone I've ever known
Shyness and timidity
If I could throw it all away
I'd ball it up and burn it to ashes
Just to experience one fearless day
A glowing smile and an acceptance of me
If only this is how my life could be...
-------------
The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make
heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.
-----------
I wrote a song for you
A simple way to show I care
And of you I am deeply aware
To let you know I see your eyes
And the truths you already realized
The simple way of life
And how melody is your role
And how your sweet silence
Rocks and shakes me to my soul
I wrote these words for you
Because my lips can't touch your's now
What's yours to keep is just not mine
And love is not allowed
Sing to me and touch my face
And I will wrap you with my grace
And I can dream and dream
That unending song of our
Embrace...
-------------------------
Frozen in this time
And place
Wandering without a face
Out to sea
And across the desert
Not one soul to be seen
Upon the clouds
And down below
Around and in between
Alone in my mind
Alone in my soul
Rounder and darker
And deeper this hole
Abandoned cities and streets
The lights have long gone out
Alone in my heart
Alone in my body
Above below and without
Frozen in the lake of doom
Blue and white bone moon
Wandering without a face
Crawling through place after place
After place....
------------------------
you will have victory
be strong
when you want to give up all you've fought for
when all the doors have closed and no more are
opened
just wait for one more
focus your eyes on all of life's beauties
among the tragedies, injustice and bleakness
search for something worth discovering
don't let your strength lose to your weakness
when darkness is cast upon you
for seemingly no reason or purpose at all
embrace what it is that you're given
and rise up after each dispiriting fall
when you're feeling empty and lifeless
filled with silent screams
remember that life continuously flows
we are all from different paths
yet flowing into the same stream
when you are frail and shaken
don't forget you're protected
from the pitfalls of isolation
and in the outcome
endurance will replace solitude
while despair will submit to your fortitude
and faith will dominate that pessimism
and nothing can wrest your optimism
when you trust and try and trounce the blows
and believe while inside you are bleeding
when you fight as a warrior against your foes
and stop following and start leading
you will have victory over anything.
----------------------
I know there's something
In the length of that smile
Your touch seeps magic into me
My time is worthwhile
There's something in letting me
Take the dust from your feet
Your blessings are my fortune
And my tears are your defeat
But even so, my tears grew large to form a well
They turned into drops of blood as they fell
And fell
And began their descent toward Hell
Satan's burning grasp is not enough
To make one realize
That even Krishna's love for Radha
Does not parallel the twinkle in your eyes
That all the charming things of this world
Does not match the way you tantalize
Me
And as I dream to wrap around you as a snake
And slither down your skin til I feel sparks
I seek the lightness in your voice
As my happy thoughts turn dark
May your devotion not grow weary
And my head lifts up toward the skies
Love, our love will not grow dreary
Though heaven's angels hear my cries..
-------------------------
___________________________________
"An angel!--Rot!--Every man says that about his beloved, does he not?"
-Sorrows of Young Werther
___________________________________
A dozen of roses inside you
A twinkling sunrise or two
The ocean sprays of misty salt
And splashing waves of deep cobalt
A grateful look thrown at your eyes
A smile shared in my quiet sighs
A declaration of my addiction to you
Blazing rays of soft, bright blue
A great, great passion you do ensue
The windowpane reveals the morning
Clouds part for my love to you
A daisy for the flower in you
If you ask me, yes I do, I do...
--------------------------
His wisdom bestowed upon me
how may I express the way hes touched my life
an inner peace so powerful to take away my strife
judging on how life has introduced itself to me
by now I thought I would have lost my sanity
my grief and distorted stages enveloped my entire mind
and the time
I wasted countless minutes, hours and days
it now lets my heart embody itself with growing
faith
honor His name and word
He has brought infinite good
honesty, deliverance and patience
all the goodness He said He would
how may I express the solace imbued within my soul
slowly my relationship is developing my desire
to let my heart swell with zealous fire
so much of the world is blind to the importance of the Lord
even after seconds of praying how my happiness is restored
love and understanding it pours in character
and how I feel fire stir
change your evanescent time to dedication to Him
faith only comprises one definition
to believe in whom we do not see
our sweet reward lets us see in whom we believe
for all of eternity
invite Him into your life,
most importantly your heart
from this day forth
may He reign in you, from its very
holy start.
-----------------------
Adieu
cold, quiet, this silent moment
residing before me
he is much
much of what I'd hoped he'd be
sweetness, yes it envelops me
breathless, perfect
tranquility
there you are
seconds of a tender embrace
you fill me up
if ever I could feel that that is enough
my heart would allow this stealthy escape
let you be
oh how can I make that happen to me
assurance, strength, capability
these remains entwined with vulnerability
desire, yearning, infatuation
can this be named ruthless reality
ideal night
winter, moonlight
lingering before me
he is much
much of what I'd hoped he'd be
traces of possibility
if only a twist of fate
a completion to something, everything
You
what my heart would've wished for
in a soul mate.
___________________________________br>
When God made man, she was only joking.
-Benny Hill
------------------
Heartache and silence is what's in me
Somehow destined for vulnerability
Wanting and yearning
For what I don't know
One thing for certain
I am born to die slow
Unwanted is my middle name
A forgotten face in the sea of fame
If only life gave me something of worth
Only you could drown this burning thirst
How could I show the world I'm good enough?
And let my beauty shine
How come I don't appreciate myself?
How come I don't love what's already mine?
Because I love you
And it will never come to be
You know nothing of the aching inside of me
One day soon we'll walk away
I'll never see you again will I?
You'll forget my face as everyone does
This lonely, shadowed heart with no name
Floating in this sea of fame...
-----------------
Perhaps He knew that
I don't appreciate bliss
And heavenly boring nothingness
So alas, stabs of heartache
and clouds of despair
pitch black darkness
and jackets of pain to wear
unreasonable insanity
is what floats around my brain
while my tears fall quicker
than the rain
while cherry blossoms bloom
then decay without a sound
so do our bodies, we all
end up underground.
--------------
Suppressed
Suppress it all
Those subtleties so underlying
Sleeping in the surface of your eyes
Flowing tears
Let it out in soft, soft cries
Turning brittle with disdain
Undressing, being undressed
By his condescending glance
And what is it that you claim?
Suppress it all
Inner chaos once reclaimed
Even honestly tells lies
At times
Let it out in soft, soft cries
Build and build and build that disguise
Oh superiority, diminished into grains
It slid away so slippery
And what is it that you claim?
Indignities as the world
Unveils himself to you
Romance, so tenderly feigned
Brought so beautifully to these eyes
Let it out in soft, soft cries
Wear that mask as it solidifies
And all you thought to be so true
Lovely as it trickles into twos
And threes and fours, and
Oppurtunities once open
Shaking heads behind shut doors
Suppress it all
Awakening turmoil seep, seeping through
Yes, such blazing warmth of yellows
Indeed melts into blues
And what is it that you claim?
The weaknesses lying dormant
Unwrapping cogitations of her brain
Inner strengths, stifling in strain
Let it out in soft, soft cries
Mold that facade, mold it, mold it in strides
Shaped and then misshapen
Until awkward beauty radiates
Rotting, tarnishing copper
Covered in shiny, silvery plates
Learned to become so worldy
Giving love to that and those in
Which your heart so inwardly hates
Suppress it all
Inside and keep it hidden, hide the pain
And what is it that you claim?
Complexities wrinkled on her dress
Permanently stained
Let it out in soft, soft cries
Cover it, conceal it, curtain it from your eyes!
And wait as tumultuous confusion subsides
Then smile and laugh and roll in laughter
Laughter spilling from your bra
When inside you're a bleeding, wreckless
Disaster, suppress it
In the world there's no patience
No time for timidities
He's cold and belittling, belittling indeed
And what is it that you claim?
The swelling, bulging load that should be drained
It grows heavier with time
No spaciousness, no room
No breathing air for lies
Let it out in soft, soft cries
And hush until her vulnerability dies
Then authority is driven away,
Driven out of her hands
Into strengths stronger, stronger
In a "man's"
For even self assurance departs like the wind
Frail and sailing, sail away so thin
Who takes charge day out and day in
The repugnant realization
Suppress it all
Don't talk, don't complain
Chatter nonsense away
Shut your mouth, and shut it, keep
Your temper at bay
Hide it deep and bury it
Keep those feelings contained
And what is it that you claim?
Juggling masses just to drop it all
Balancing what cannot be attained
Slip, slipping through your fingers
Debilitating, powerless remains
Keep your feet bound, don't loosen it
No loosening those ties!
Let it out softly, in soft, soft cries
Wear that masquerade and wear it wise
Give it, sell it for however much he buys
Dress to perfection, pleasingly attired
Perfectly designed for his
Perfectly animalistic desire
Suppress it all
And drink it bitter-sweetly
Let the coffee stain, stain it
Pinstriped skirt pinned down so neatly
And all you thought to be so true
Bright colors fading, nullified
Study it well and learn to live unsatisfied
And as the upper hand remains parading
Crowding out deceitful lies
Let it out in soft, soft cries
Wipe the tears, wipe, and wipe them from your eyes
Suppress it all
As bitter thoughts materialize
Accept the daily landscaped prison
As identical mornings rise...
-------------------------------
Soft, red and elegant
Sweet scented, so lovely
Attractive so distinctively
Silent, unsettling, subtlety
Biting insecurity
Will she leave, please stay here with me
Do you find yourself drifting, aimlessly
Inevitably unsatisfied
Unusual, odd they say
What is under the cloak she hides?
What do you want?
My gold
Caches of Diamonds
Jade and emerald, silky silver
Or the tainted copper and wasted brass
Rusty metal, shiny gone crass
Memories, aged yet fresh
Pull them out of my pocket
Tip over my heart pour it out
Flowing from the pen to paper
Like the water bottle turned upside down
Thoughts drowned
There are thorns you know
Unexpected pricks
And the scent it vanishes with the frost
Are your belongings suddenly valuable
From its initial cost
No, this softness
Stays forever
Smiling the one that struggles through
The tears
Brought about by constant, challenging years.
---------------------------
Rotting thoughts inside this head
Sharp and thorny, twisting round my brain
Lanky oranges, yellow flickering flame
Lit behind those dark corners, firey red
You know its better to be dead
Putrid, putrid organisms crawl
Crittered over and around
Explosive thoughts lay sprawled and sprawled
If you only you had called
Yes you could have called
How do haunting thoughts get fed
You know its better to be dead
Then the heart bleeding till it cant
Be bled
You could have called
Yes, you could have called, instead
Nailed hands do drip these firey red tears
Echoing Plath's verse, hynotically revered
Blackness, yes this blackness is the
Sum of all Fears
Making me dizzy your shaking, swiveling heads,
"I do believe, Yes she ought to be dead."
___________________________________
I think about suicide everyday,
but then I realize that if
there's nothing worth living for, then
I guess there's nothing worth dying for.
-unknown
___________________________________
Bring me back to where I began
Though I know its impossible
May I still be guided
Please God show me who I am
Your solace once imbued within
Grey patches yet endure
In life I've learned
Even the pencil I hold, nothing
Is for sure
Forget my pleas for miracles
I know already you heal
Please God show me love
Of intertwining strengths
Once unyielding, towering leadership
Dependence and weakness teeming within
Head in my hands again
On my knees, I cry
Adonai
I ask to you why, is there yet a way
Lift my heart up
Fly away from here with wings
Break off these yanking, heart strings
Let go, unfetter my pain
Show my unearthly hope once again
I turn to you, you who understands
When no one else does
Not a soul
Again I ask of you, Lord make me whole..
-------------------------
Soulmates
Locked together inside
My world is safe in you
Like the shifting tides
Don't let your love flow from me...
Standing weak, I am lonely now
Upon this swinging bridge,
Blades and blades of distance faced
Lift my head upon a misty sky,
Your breath is all I taste
I stare into your eyes
On the surface of water below
Reflecting bright stars up high
The moonlight shines on in solemnity
The wind is but a sigh
Light rain mingling upon my tears
Hazy, yearning eyes
Menacing thunder
I don't want to be alone
Lightning might rake across my skies
Horizon now burns in front of you
While darkness lays still here
My soul belongs in your sanctuary
My heart, lonely with fear
Your love is my diamonds
Studded, sparkling
A blessing given to me so freely
Don't let this naive, foolish heart I have
Be the end of me...
This gripping rail, its iciness
Cold wind sends whispers through my hair
I feel your warm embrace in me
The wind is coming faster now,
It steals from me, my breaths
Faithful I will stay to my words,
My love is your's, till death...
___________________________________br>
I am disturbed to find he values my mind and abilites
more highly then my heart, which is my only source of pride,
and indeed of everything, all my strength and happiness
and misery. The things I know, anyone can know
--but my heart is mine and mine alone.
-Sorrows of Young Werther
___________________________________
It used to ache
darkness and dimness
don’t tell me don’t worry
don’t tell me about things
I know that you still care for me by all means
Yet it remains indescribable these feelings
How the aching gnaws unmercifully harsh
Show me calmness and where did it go
Show me the way to the places I know
The happiness I remember and
Just hold me and let’s stay like this
I can’t remember feeling better than this
You bring out the best parts of me
You force out all the bleakness inside of me
Your smile sets the sun
and your eyes, they break the waves.
Nothing could challenge
Estrange nor rearrange
The gentle
outlines of your face
Let my surroundings fade,
inside your warm embrace....
---------------------
What could've been, now
That I wear a bright ring
A respect inside you long ago
You smiled to the others
But looked down at me an said no
A voice I fell in love with, the
Uniqueness in you
Yes my feelings ran so deep for you
Summer days, we were young that day
What could've been, now
That I wear a bright ring
Time comes and sweeps my memory
And you seep up within
Excitement in my veins
Shyness all over again
A time when you stretched me thin
Simple, salty cheeks of tears
You never wanted to hurt me, you said
And you don't anymore, its gone
You're my absolute favorite mistake
Gone wrong
What could've been, now
That I wear a bright ring
Sweet petals counted, singing under light rain
Yes, destiny led me down a different lane
You wanted me but you left me alone
Warm days where my young heart
Softly suffered on its own
And then you left and I moved on somehow
Though I wrote lines for you before,
You're my memory behind a closed door
I kissed the grounds you stepped upon
Cold rain soaked my hair through
On and on I dreamed to be only with you
Do you wonder what you threw away?
How badly I yearned after you
That warm summer, that moment it was us
That fresh, young day
It was ours to own
Brightly lit star above, should
You now remain a dream
I don't care what could've been
Now that I wear a bright, bright ring.
-----------------------
If I could be taken from here
I would go
From these painful moments
To stop tasting each salted tear
I would
Falling endlessly
If I could rip this heart out
And tear away from this picture
Of my life, I would
Standing in a corner, so angry
I would
So much of life is not what
You told me it'd be
When nightmares envelop
The sweetest of my dreams
And angels have fallen and
Daggers do sting
When she lives worlds away from
Her lover, her friend
When all things golden
Surely come to blunt ends
When confident assurances
Become insecure doubts
Sweet memorable moments
Like an hour-glass, run out
When distance becomes
Merciless miseries...
Twenty lovely anniversaries
And she still runs away
...His sweet wife
When making wrong choices
become the mistakes of your life
When emotional pain can outweigh
The plunging of knives
And beautiful truths reveal staggering lies
When the person you knew
Is not whom you thought
All the aged layers of love
Now mold into rot
Sacred marriage won't you promise
Me, something different from
the illusion of eternity
Where one can get up and still walk
Away,
Love won't you teach me an easier way?
If I knew a better path to walk, I would
And remove the thorns from my petals
I would
But no longer can I dismiss myself
My promises hold truth
In my eyes you are dear
If I could only hold you Forever
And not watch you again and again
Disappear
In your presence I glow
Now I promise to serve you
As I do my Lord
My Love, my sweet
promises of Happiness to come
Let this treacherously slow waiting be done...
----------------------
when pain is around the corner
and it seeps into your heart and mind
and your strength slowly begins to unwind
keep your chin high
look deep into the cloudless skies
the most important factor to realize
when life is a seemingly great grieving tragedy
is that everything is planned out with intricate
strategy
our maker of the heaven and earth
that resides in the clouds above
promises that his reasons are based on pure love
trust with everything and thru your sorrow
he will never fail you now
nor even tommorrow
as anguish unexpectedly invades your steadiness
hold onto your faith and hope
with constant readiness
he knows you can when you believe you cannot
he knows it is possible when you believe it is not
most importantly he knows you will see light in this
darkness
when you believe you will never see it again
and the time will come for you to discover
everything works out in the end.
----------------------
Love
I get so tired sometimes
Trying to reach that place
And all I know is to want you
The dark world holds nothing
On me
Your heart touches mine too
Love,
Your grasp on me
Ties me into knots
You've got me in the clutch
Of your eyes
And all I want is to know your thoughts
Inside these gentle sighs
Nobody can take it from me
Your heart deeply, deeply cries
And all I want is to know your dreams
I want to take them to the skies
Love,
And let them soar on wings
Burn up and let go of all these things
These things.
Hang onto your heart,
Hang onto my dreams.
-------------------
If I could have you as my own
I'd breathe into you every gulp of air
Wrap around you like a blanket
Remove all the coats of pain you wear
I'd live just to see you smile
And die to take away your fears
If I could have you as my own
Inside me ther'd be no tears
I would use all the strength
I had each day
To make your life fulfilled
I would hold your insecurities
And use them up to build
In you, courage and confidence
For you to live your very best life
If I could have you as my own
I'd give all I have to be your wife
In my every thought you're there
In every wish you're in my heart
If I could have you as my own
No wind could shake or tear us apart
I'd use up all my energy
To give you a thousand suns
Each moment and new memory
Would only become happier ones
But each minute of every single day
I know I can't have you as my own
So my heart bleeds and wastes in pain
I watch you seek out others
And cry and cry in vain
Now I wake up every morning
Knowing I have nothing more to gain.
-----------------
Softness spread
Like angel wings
Pillowed fluff among
All things
Smiles and yelps of
Bright green grass
And blankets in the park
Darling, sweetness
My goldness lass
Love at very first sight
My best friend, my
Very life
Dressed in layers of furry white
Playful paws and eyes of
Deep friendship
And always with me through
Every hardship
My lamb, my little
Follower
And blessings of sweet karma
Stay close in my arms and in
My heart,
My baby Leila Sharma.
-------------------
a changed heart
you used to love me
and probably still do
deep and dwelling within your heart
hankering to bring forth my love for you
my feelings changed
I set my eye upon you
you-torn, broken and snubbed
you simply needed to be loved
and yet my restive thoughts don't let me
declare what i long from you
because of all that i've been through
I continue to remain stubborn
when my heart thirsts for more of you
and so as I continue again
to ease my way into your mind
your once stable strings begin to steadily unwind
although I don't deserve you
your unsullied love
and genuine honesty
I know your love will come back to me
this time no one will be shunned
it's the beauty of your love
and its power to touch my heart
that holds me eternally stunned.
----------------------
Memories flood my veins
Moments when I used to smile
As of recent I've only seen the rain
Of having hope, it's been awhile
Not knowing life could become filled with pain
Now I look at the world with a dark disdain
I will lose all the people I love
All I've built will return to dust
I have a person who'd give everything for me
Yet my heart rots away in lust
I remember a time
When I knew nothing of sadness
And the day swept away easily
Now I know everything means nothing
And I waste away in misery
The beauty of nature
The love of family
It will all be taken away from me
My body now withers away unhealthily
I really don't know all that's happening to me
I wish I could be ignorant
And not realize what we're really worth
To not dwell on the place where we end up
With nothing at our sides
All my happy memories are not the truth
But really short lived lies
All the good in this world dies in agony
While injustice breathes a sweet victory.
------------
Light shines through deep havoc
Held tightly though stretched quite thin
Firm and promising, A hand
Reaching out
Reeling broken pieces back in
While beneath shadowed gloom
And alleys of darkness, arms
Treading grey storms through
And through
The face hidden deep behind
His great sail
Knew somehow hope would ensue
And heaviness would grow feathery
As rays of sweet light
Scented as irises of lavendar
Shades so bright
And through wreckage upon
Wreckage and black hearts
Shackled in tears
His strength unabridged
Would build back ruins from death
And provide shade for parched
Flesh of every doom ever met
And the heart would be
Convulsed with blissful conviction
That indeed recovery would somehow
Be sought
From such gentle condition
And whom could it be that
Wrought pavilions of ecstacy
Exposing promises teeming with truth
Surely the iron grip of love
Was found to be held securely
By the hands of you.
-------------------------
Cobblestone steps
Weaving lavendar blossom
And Amber waves shading
Blissful rocks
Confounded sunlight hovering
Sailboats bobbing
At the boon docks
Your painting will be mine
Forever
Etched by your thoughts
Sketch this beauty glowing
In the mind, the dream
Cerulean skies bordering
Sunset blending beaches
Orange and strawberry cream
Umbrellas floating us down
White Steps that leap
Toward skies lit marmalade
Warm sand and crisp breeze
Brushing the bay
Rusty fall leaves
Subtle blues and cherry grey
Heavenly dreamy paintings
Carried In your heart
Sweep me away...
Into our tiny bright chalet
Warmly candlelit
Souls tuned in and musical
Strings of sweet melody
Our land filled of ours
Eternity...
-------------------------------------
Strain and pressure of a thousand knives
If you could measure the pain, throbbing
Pulsing behind these eyes
Frustrated and hopelessly inexplicable
Are my sighs
What lays in the truth that you don't realize
What is it that blinds you as my soul
Cries and cries
I feel NOTHING
I am nothing, as this lost heart dies
It dies
How can I suppress tears seeping
From layers of pain
If you could experience just for once
The depths of this lonely terrain
If you could shed just one tear
That parallels the rain storms
In this heart
I am dizzy and blackness
Is the whole of my thoughts
Disastrous chaos lurks
In the corners of my mind distraught
I see myself and feel my body straying
Away from you
Goodbye to love and the
Disgusting monster it grew into
Goodbye to grief, insanity and you.
----------------------------
Let this be the last night
That I hear you whispering to me in the dark
When I lay close inside your arms
Let this be the last caress
When I see your smile for the last time
And understanding eyes so kind
With your hand holding mine safely
Please hold me this last time
Our last night together
Again you lay right there
Our bodies touching softly
In the warmth of the still air
Wrapped around these sheets
Engaged in this moment so real
Just let this be the last time
Of this togetherness that we feel
When the sun rises for a new day
Let this be the last horizon with you
When you finally say goodbye to me
Each laugh we've shared this year
Will be a precious memory
When we part finally
Let us both walk away somebody new
Then I won't have to say goodbye again
And again to You
We can say farewell to each other
And to this love
And this can be our last heart wrenching hug
We can both sail away safely
From this last moonlit night of love
------------
You Sweet Bastard
I weep for your love
and I think I am weak
With despair
I don't know why my heart cares
But the last shreds of my strength wither
Knowing the depth of your stare
So why does it hurt
And God, why does my heart make it worse
I crave you at every minute
at every twist, at every turn
Yes, how strongly this heart can burn
With every flaming candle lit
I will remember you
With every falling teardrop
I will yearn
Though each day ends with slumber
My eyelids flutter before me
Each night my dreams awaken
Again I can feel your touch
And the strength of your hands
Secret moments together
And meaningless drunken romance
Once again it’s easy
And our time is but a moonlit chance
But falling leaves return to their roots
And tonight I will cry alone
Always I shall ache for you
Though your heart is not mine to own
Yes, to him, I am the angel of life
But to you, the crying ghost that drifts alone
So why does it hurt
I won't tell you I love you,
You sweet bastard
My destiny is no longer
mine to choose
The longer I hold onto you,
It's just more that I lose
Tell me why shouldn't I trust
Forever my heart will desire
The memory of you,
Of us
I want your heart,
It's all I'm asking for
But I could never beg you for that
All I could recommend
Is just please let me see you again
and again...and again...
------------------
confiscate my fervent reveries
wash me of my fitful memories
gather our passion for each other
and embrace me with it
induce me to focus on our present
and not the dreadful transient years
for when the thoughts stir up
so do my tears
tell me I've learned my lesson
and move on
love my life and the girl I am today
adore how you console me in your charismatic way
what more may I ask of
when I possess your affectionate heart
is (nothing more special than that)
an abiding relationship
and a promise we'll always be together as one
I will stay as long as you like
for our brilliant love is paralleled by none.
---------------------------------
To My Dad, With Love
When a sad feeling surrounds
This heart
I look to the strength of my dad
When I am in a moment
of darkness and cold
I realize it can't be that bad
For all that I've known
And all that I've learned
I owe to the strength of my dad
For who would've known
that your words and your heart
Are what save me when I am sad
From the time I was little
Through all my school years,
There was never a time you weren't there
To wipe away my tears
Through barrels of heartache
And life's confusions
We made one another feel better
Whether it was me that was lost
Or you that needed love
We always got through it together
A father and daughter
Have a special relationship
Not one thing in this world
Can break that bond
And when life gets bad
I look to the strength of my dad
So I know how to carry on
You said life is short
And I know that it is
But its the moments with you
That matter the most
For all my memories
The good and the bad
Are what my heart have to boast
No words, no feeling could
Describe who you are
Besides that of an angel's
Your eyes are always
Filled with so much love
You toss away sadness
With just a shrug
You smile and laugh
You're the lover of life
You always see goodness
You're the conquerer of strife
Never think that you are alone
I will always be on your side
I want you to know
That it's the strength of you
That has kept me vibrantly alive
Smile every minute, keep your head lifted up
For when you do indeed feel alone
Know in your heart you have me
And your strength is
The center of my home.
--------------------
my sweet darling,
don't ever dream or have desires
of shadows and glasses and burning fires
let the honeyed morning dew
represent the deep yearning
to always be with you
my sweet champagne
on a balmy, toasty night
bubbly and lolling
on the tips of my lips
soft and firm against my cheeks
like tree leaves I am falling
and falling
deeper into love with you...
forever close to MY heart are you
dancing candle flame
dimly bright and enchanting
always cease the charms of romancing
let its petals wrap around us
and the freak show of life be dead
let's put all our life, all our dreams
into the hope of us instead.
---------------------
Can you just imagine my dear
A life without anything tragic
Me laying beside you
Swinging gently in a hammock
A breezy, balmy wind
Blowing kisses against our skin
Look inside the shiny windows
Of our home
It is ours, and ours alone
A cozy nook with painted walls
Photos lining all the halls
A bright kitchen and a busy
Fireplace
The floors, the bedrooms trimmed with lace
Shut the front door and
Shut out the sadness of this world
Enter our bright haven
Our home
It is ours, and ours alone
Brightly lit lamps and
Scented candles against a hot bath
Fluffy couches and elegant rugs
Our favorite place of making love
And a piano in the corner
Of our living room
Red rose gardens, dancing in full bloom
The lulling, lullaby of pattering rain
Outside our home
This home is ours, and ours alone
If you knew how happy
You have made my life
If you knew how much these moments
Mean to me
You make my life complete
You've made this home for me.
___________________________________
Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary
love is a waste of your time. There are too many
ordinary things in life, love shouldn't be one of them.
-Dream for an Insomniac
Turmoil
I'd love to take my own advice
re-evaluate my life throw away the lies
forget all the whos whats and whys
when did I get off track and lose myself
endlessly diving in deeper and deeper
disregard that from here the climb becomes steeper
rockier, shakier, instability grows
within the depths of me nobody knows
men don't realize who women really are
no friend knows every solitary scar
every mistake intertwined with regret
every attempt with satisfaction never met
when does it get easier when do I know
that gradually complexities fade before tommorrow
that issues simplify themselves and die out
yet to continue on how do I know
assuring myself that its common these feelings
and turmoil is not as rare as I thought so
I'd love to follow my heart
and yet where does it belong
has every step I've made since day one been wrong
yet these questions are unanswerable and so its easy
to see
its wasteful to wonder why all this is happening to me
pointless to grieve and miss days already gone
better to keep moving as life drones on.
-------------------------------------
Psalm
Can't put my thoughts into words
I want to exult, and venerate you
and cry out for a hug
I yearn for your satisfying, peaceful presence
to settle in your arms so snug
please heal him
in fits of passion I long to hear from you
to fathom why things are this way
victories, tragedies
and to my dismay
unspoken injustice and embittered inequity
and promises of a new and unblemished day
I plead for signs of your miracles
other than sunsets and mountains
please begin with your healing
a mark of true mercy and power
to prove pain is not a permanent feeling
I beg for non-cliched solace
More than a fresh fulfilling promise
But signals that comfort is approaching
and not unreachable in an isolated future
Lord, let these open wounds be sutured
Until then, bring me acquiescence
and submission to this necessary suffering
only You are an answer to this darkness
and now to You, my whole life I am offering
___________________________________
My Favorite Writers
Mad Girl's Love Song
by Sylvia Plath
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my eyes and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Saten's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
-------------------
Daddy
by Sylvia Plath
You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.
Daddy, I have had to kill you.
You died before I had time---
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,
Ghastly statue with one gray toe
Big as a Frisco seal
And a head in the freakish Atlantic
Where it pours bean green over blue
In the waters off the beautiful Nauset.
I used to pray to recover you.
Ach, du.
In the German tongue, in the Polish town
Scraped flat by the roller
Of wars, wars, wars.
But the name of the town is common.
My Polack friend
Says there are a dozen or two.
So I never could tell where you
Put your foot, your root,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.
It stuck in a barb wire snare.
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly speak.
I thought every German was you.
And the language obscene
An engine, an engine,
Chuffing me off like a Jew.
A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen.
I began to talk like a Jew.
I think I may well be a Jew.
The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna
Are not very pure or true.
With my gypsy ancestress and my weird luck
And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack
I may be a bit of a Jew.
I have always been scared of you,
With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo
. And your neat mustache
And your Aryan eye, bright blue.
Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You----
Not God but a swastika
So black no sky could squeak through.
Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.
You stand at the blackboard, daddy,
In the picture I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot
But no less a devil for that, no not
Any less the black man who
Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.
But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look
And a love of rack and screw.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.
If I've killed one man, I've killed two---
The vampire who said he was you
And drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.
There's a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagers never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I'm through.
The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
by T.S. Eliot
Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question ...
Oh, do not ask, "What is it?"
Let us go and make our visit.
In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.
The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-
panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-
panes,
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from
chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.
And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.
In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.
And indeed there will be time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair--
(They will say: 'How his hair is growing thin!")
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the
chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple
pin--
(They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!")
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will
reverse.
For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?
And I have known the eyes already, known them all--
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?
And I have known the arms already, known them all--
Arms that are braceleted and bare
(But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!)
Is it perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow
streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of
windows?
I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so
peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep ... tired ... or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald)
brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet--and here's no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and
snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.
And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it towards some overwhelming question,
To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all"--
If one, settling a pillow by her head
Should say: "That is not what I meant at all; That is not it, at all."
And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled
streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts
that trail along the floor--
And this, and so much more?--
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns
on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
"That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all."
No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous--
Almost, at times, the Fool.
I grow old ... I grow old ...
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.
Shall I part my hair behind?
Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
Somewhere I have never travelled
e.e. cummings
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in you most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world
equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.
-------------------------------------------
Too often the leaves fall
from the trees of my world
streets of dreams
blurring to me
committing the sin
of coming to me
Endless laughter
like a million daggers
right through the heart
makes me stagger
The loudest place
is an empty room
with empty walls
and empty beds
The silence more
deafening then the
hurting truth
the shadow in the mirror
my only companion
we begin to talk
it already knows all
the mirrors reality is
my imagination
and my reality
is the mirrors joke
why does it laugh
like a million daggers
cuts through my soul
my lonely soul
----------
Come sit with me
so i can express
what true love is
Let me sing to you
about your smile
How I forget the world
and everything is fun
just like a child
what can i say
here's a story for you
I can look in your eyes
and everything is true
you're a breathing poem
a song for all seasons
the kindest of love
and for that reason
I will love you
waiting for days
when I will just stay
and wont' have to go away
wake up at your side
like day follows night
day after day
and wont' have to go away.
-------
Where is the whisper
that made me turn,
look for your face
under the sun i burn.
The calm storm
that's deep inside,
let it all out
last night when i cried
Tears roll down
on a hill of rough skin,
aging in your memory
bloods thinner then thin.
Pale love
the color of wine,
lips of roses
you are all mine.
------
If I were to die in my sleep
I hope with my last breath
your name I speak.
if there's one place
I want to close my eyes
in your arms, i'll say goodbye.
Your hair your eyes
your simple touch
those are the things
I long for so much.
I hope your with me
till my very end.
this I pray for, amen.
-------------
If time goes any slower
I would call it a sin
Look into my soul
it's beginning to get thin
No opening or closing
feel boxed into a circle
no thought of my own choosing
every step is a dangerous hurdle
Come the hands of a clock
let's bargain again
I'll give you a key to the lock
and you keep pulling the chain
Cause I have to meet my love
and smell the sweet air
as beautiful as a white dove
she's so lovely and fair
I was gonna tell her ...
"If you're gonna give me color
then paint me with your love
one million and one times I say
youre a blessing sent from above."
----------
For every moment in your life
when you think the pain is gone
somewhere deep inside your heart
another one is born
I've faltered and im weak
and i cant' be wrong
why I feel a change
why I can't go on
From where did it begin, from where
have these mean thoughts sprung
how could I ever have done this
yelled at you with my filthy tongue
our love should be greater
but the only thing on the rise
is the lies from my face
and the tears in your eyes
if it means anything
for i dont' know why
i've been so mean
and it's harder for me to try
i feel like giving up
even though i said i wouldnt' till i die
it's the distance seeping in slowly
and that's no lie
it's the reason for my frustration
and the reason why you cry
--------------
Like the clouds
they settle on
the mountain tops
Like the waves
they rise and
greet the shore
Like the morning
it's intoxicated
with the cold night
Like the sun
each day it
brings you more
That's how it feels
It's why my eyes
stop at your face
read every inch of you
more beautiful then
you is your style
your lips move and
my heart stirs
let me write your
story for the world
let me paint your
colors in my veins.
Why I lust for you
I can think not
Your smell turns me on
Your smile so seductive
Your laughter in my heart
Remember the day
we just layed together
How we savored the moment
Though there is never enough time
My fingers write for you
about my love and my life
for you, how I give my
everything to you
because it's you.
------
Let's run away darling
create our own world
with my eyes
that are hurting to see you.
--------
When in love
every second is a lifetime
For some, love is an
endless summer
with rain drops and rainbows.
A sweet melody
You are the sun and song
that warms my heart
And lifts my spirit
The most beautiful dawn
the precious delicate flower
of my beating heart
You're all that I see
all that I want.
The fire of our love
forever burning deep inside
When our bodies embrace
I feel you so close
I feel you are mine
From now
until the end of all time
----------
I saw it one day,
the angel came and said.
Our future was unfolded
man I can never forget.
Somewhere far away
it's just you and me,
happiness aplenty
as far as I could see.
"is forever our world?"
I asked the angel one day
"she's a perfect ending to your
fairy tale" is all she could say.
"I can't do anything else
but love her the most.
Such dark sadness will overtake
my soul, if I find she is lost."
The angel had no reply and
went slowly away from me
Before fading into the sky
said "you two are meant to be".
---------
Im here for you
jaded and weary
but still
im here for you
to listen and
to feel
im here for you
to give you
what u need
im here for you
to catch your
every fall
im here for you
the crying
deep inside but
im here for you
loving your for
the rest of your life
and im here for you...
-------
There is a feeling
I feel deep within
of which I have none
more sinful than sin.
Your soft naked body
so often I lust
of lands and the seas
the distance, unjust.
So what if I weep
and dream of days old
make love to you and leave
another story untold.
O, face of many changes
now where do you stand
live for her if I could
die for her if I can.
-----------
Too much pain
and too much
the heart aches
I wonder if it
was the same
when everything
is at stake
Before there was
a god of love
I wonder how things
were set right
Wishing for
stars on a
stormy night
Wake up early
always tired it seems
Shook up and scared
from the same sad dream
Hoping today I won't
have to hear her cry
when the only thing
that makes me sad
is her sweet wet smile.
-----------
There is so
much pain
in the world
but none more
greater then
being so far
away from you
By no means
it is feasible
to jump on the
next plane
But by no means
it cant' be done
when hearts seem
to be going insane
Life goes on
in the hope
of togetherness
some day
We have promised
each other a heaven
on earth
... alas
if the world
were to end
tonight, you think
we will be
together on
the other side?
In a heaven already
created by the
one I thank every
night, for bringing
you into my life
The vast distance
brings out
the anger in both
of us, it burns
so deep like the
witches curse.
---------
What do I say
when I cant' find the words
to tell you that you've
made my day.
How do I try
to share your emotions
when I cant' get
down and cry.
Where do I go
when Im feeling lonely
and cant' express how
I love you so.
When do I see
a far away land
nobody else there but
just you and me
and only our scars to show...
---------
When I walk into the room
the first thing I feel
your aroma takes over
every inch of me.
Next I realize
we belong like the lyrics to
the most beautiful song
I can see it in your eyes
Then I lay my hands
on your silkiest face
Most beautiful of
god's creation, even
the human race.
In the end
I hold you real close tonight
I just breathe your touch
and just hope to die
lay out your name from my lips
as the dying moment passes by.
My last dying moment passes by ...
-----
For an untimely moment
the darkness spares a light
and love steals a look of a
porcelain faced, angel
who hides my fears
in the strands of her hair
and brands this my only night.
------------
Like a painting
with bows of colors
a hidden secret
of two known lovers
One tears apart
the taming of time
the other drips out
of this painting of mine
Unfortunate wind brings
eerie cold and sweat
colorless pain flowing
makes my eyes wet
Towing a cart uphill
with the weight of our love
all the patience of the world
and then a little more is not enough
-----------
The rain came
and washed away
the fingerprints
of memory
that held my day
in a hand so warm
it bled away
down the drain
It swept away
left me to cry
I wept away
Then sun you came
and burnt the way
left me alive
wanting to pray
I swept away
my memory in
no more shade
I think
that's that way
I still wept away.
----------
Forever close to my heart
The whole night of drinking
till I could see my face
at the bottom of the glass
trying to forget the thought
of loosing the passion
that comes from being apart
Every echo of my voiceless dreams
tells me you'll stay
forever close to my heart
While the fire looks for a shadow
in my slowly burning heart
your forever with me
from my last blink at night
till the next bright day starts
your forever with me
your forever close to my heart
with all the gray skies
that fill the world today
your my ray of sunshine
and like a flower to soak it all
I happily play my part
knowing from moment to moment
youre forever close to my heart
Email: shui.lian12@gmail.com
