A Visit from                Mother to me & Dice

My mother had been in a nursing home for a number of years. She was being neglected in one (since closed) to the point she almost died. The County had been appoined  by the very same Judge Canfield who had been the District Attorney when she asked him to investigate the County stealing home and her property (in New York State the District Attorney is by law responsible for prosecuting mealfeasance in public office). Right after he did not follow up on her request, he was appointed a NYS(trial) Court judge to fill a vacancy in this Judicial District.

Since he made the Department of Social Services legally her guardian.

There came a time at the second nursing home (she was placed out of State when it was time to discharge her from the Samaritan Hospital in Troy, New York and subsequently was moved back to Albany so she could have visitors). After a while, I had asked the Department of Social Services she be moved as I believed by my own personal observations she was being neglected. The word came back the Commissioner said "No, we've moved her once already". They also did NOT stop the neglect at the facility so there reasoning obviously was not what they said. That fateful day she would be eventually moved to Ressurrection Nursing Home in Castleton, NY, she had lain on a gurney in the hall for an extended period of time reportedly awaiting permission to transport her to some hospital. The nursing home people advised me they had tried to contact the required County representative to no avail. Where, they asked me, should she be transported. In frustration, for want of a nother word, they called me saying someone had to make the decision. My mother needed to go to a hospital and they had hoped I would choose. I decided that my mother would not have good memories about Albany Medical, the teaching hospital in Albany, so I indicated probably the best Hospital would be St. Peter's. I was told my mother would probably not survive to leave the Emergency Room.

Much to the surprise of Eden Park Nursing Home staff as well as the Emergency Room staff, Mother recovered enough to be placed in a room for further treatment. For those of you who might not know, St. Peters was owned at the time by the Roman Catholic Diocese of Albany. Under the Hospital's care, Mother not only improved, she became well enough to no longer require hospitalization. The Hospital was required therefore to return her to Eden Park. I was horrified! If she had what it took to recoup that much, they were going to condemn her to die? As I was not being one with a disposition to put up with this nonsense, I called St. Peters' switchboard, asking who was in charge and requested transfer to that Nun. She was not available. However, this gentleman assured me he was her assistant. I told him the situation and asked she not be returned to this Nursing Home where they had not sought medical attention in a timely manner and left her to die. He gently told me that the Nun in charge and he were already aware of my mother's situation. Unfortunately, he believed that her discharge was beyond the Nun's or Hospital's control. He promised to get back in touch with me as soon as he knew more of the details and would discuss my concerns with the very capable and concerned woman he worked for.

A couple of hours later, her administrator called back and said he had discussed the matter. Her solution, because of government regulation, was that Mother would have to be discharged back to the nursing home, which had been required to hold a bed for her, from whence she came. However, the Nun had checked with Ressurrection about having her placed there if I would agree to such. There were currently no openings but Mother would be placed at the top of the list. They noted that we were not Roman Catholic; however, it was the best care available. I agreed.

Within a few day, the phone rang and I was told there was an opening and Mother was being transported via ambulance to Ressurrection later that day.

Furthermore, I was told after the fact that Mother had been assigned to one of the best Nurse's Aide's in the facility. Being run by the nuns, excellent overall care was demanded for the residents and mother was to get the best of the best. Someone "up there" certainly was looking after mother. (I wrote the Nun in charge of St. Peters that Christmas time to let her know how Mother was faring, to thank her and received the kindest note in return that she had kept Mother in her prayers -- this from an angel on earth, a total stranger).

In the Fall of 1999, Mother had deteriorated physically to the point she required Oxygen around the clock. She still was alert and knew what was going on although that was deteriorating rapidly also. So, there was a meeting called to determine the feasibility of placing her on Hospice and to generally discuss about a inserting a feeding tube as she was not far from requiring that stage.

I agreed to the Hospice assignment and indicated it was probably best not the feeding tube since there was no hope. At least she seemed to be getting excellent care. Mother was assigned a male nurse from Hospice who seemed to enjoy working with her. He speaks of one shared discussion with her about angels while she was still able to talk. She insisted she had seen blue ones. He marveled at her spunk!

After Thanksgiving, she seemed to be distancing herself from those around her. I didn't believe she would make it through Christmas. Much to my surprise, she did. Then surely before the New Year. She fooled us all. While not rallying, she continued to hold her own. SHE MADE IT THRU NEW YEARS! She lived to see the new century in!

Then early in the morning on January 7, 2000, my telephone rang. It was the nurse in charge of the floor where my mother was. She advised me that if I wanted to see my mother alive again, I should come down. Mother's fingers, the nurse continued, were turning black which was a sign that physical death was imminent. The nurse had no way of knowing just how long, just usually less than a day and probably no more than two. At the time, I worked doing transcription from home and so called the woman I worked for, telling the news and I'd her know. I would probably need the day off and Dice (her dog) and I got ready and went down.

Most of the time, a young nun remained with her, Dice and me. She explained she stayed with someone ready to go and family toward the end. Although she spoke to neither Dice or me or to mother, I was aware of her presence which was still very comforting.

I didn't want my mother to have to die alone and wanted wanted to do something positive for her. What? There nothing I could say or do so I decided to practice a self-hypnosis "mini-vacation" with her. I did Richard Zarro's prescribed induction technique and decided a trip to the ocean/seashore would be a good choice. Wrong! Mother became obviously very physically agitated. She had let me know she did NOT want to go to the seashore. Panic set in me. "Now what do I do?", I asked unspokenly. MOUNTAINS, was my immediate answer. I then realized that Mother had grown up in the Green Mountains of northern Vermont. So, using guided imagry, I took her on a visit to the Green Mountains, describing the view from the Roberts Family Homestead in St. Johnsbury Center, Vermont. Mother settled right down and seemed to enjoy her visit.
The Home fed me and Dice dinner and about 8:00 p.m., it was suggested I go home and sleep. They assured me they would call if there was any change. I was tired and thought the sleep would help me and keep me from falling asleep sitting up in the chair again. Having been told how to get in after hours, Dice and I left.

I woke up with a start about 11:40 and couldn't seem to get going. I have no idea what woke me or why I did not get ready and go!

Not understanding why I could not motivate myself to get moving, I remember being in the spare bedroom which I used for an office. There I was doing some inane thing such as checking e-mail. Certainly it was nothing that could not wait!

All of a sudden in this four partment building at almost Midnight, Dice started barking. No matter what I did, he would not stop. Dice was not a barker to begin with and this was totally out of character. It noted it was not an unfriendly bark; it was one of "welcome!" if I will to characterize it. Then I realized the bedroom had gotten this strange sense of cold. It was not as if the heater was not working. I can't describe it. If you have experienced it, you know what I mean. The feeling in me and Dice's barking continued for a short period of time. All of a sudden the cold left and Dice was suddenly quiet.

Then the telephone on my desk rang. "Mother had passed a few minutes ago" was the news. "Did I want to come down? The priest was with her now." Dice and I went. When we arrived, we were told that someone from the Home (aide?) was sitting with her during the evening because the young woman had asked to stay. "All of a sudden, Mother sat up, smiled and then sank slowly down into the bed." She was physically gone. She was, as I had wished, not alone.

Despite it being a snowstorm, there were Nun's at the funeral from Renssurrection, including the one who had sat with us that last day. I told her about the visit and she offered the following. She was sure that "Mother had come to check" on us before leaving. She had heard of this before and believed it showed how much the departing loved and cared about those left behind and visited". I explained Mother did not know where I lived and rarely even knew who I was the last few years. The nun just smiled saying, "No matter, love transcends time and space. It is as if they can find their loved ones as one last gift to all."

"Oh, by the way, she believed with all her journeys with the dying that the smile on my mother's face was indicative that she was now beyond the reach of those who had done so much damage to her and that those who meant the most, probably especially my father, had come to greet her and bring her into the light, peace and healing.

It has been more than eight years since these last events. Writing this article was very hard for me and still is very upsetting. I wanted to post it in the event some of these things are common to anyone who might be reading this.