*sigh*
+ Well I woke up this mornin seein mai parents, sister get ready to go to Canada. I lay in my bed thinkin... yay... today is gunna be fun... my auntie & cuz's come... mai mom leaves me sum $ to get some deserts for my gramma $ grampa @ the bakery. They leave & I go back to my beauty sleep.

+ Wake up. Get ready & clean up the house cuz Im sposed to have a partay later... take a shower... called Jamil around 11:30/12 cuz we were sposed to be kicken it w/ Jerryl $ Evey DT. Nobody answers. Call Pam & Evey is still over there. Talked to Jerryl.

+ He said he had some bad news 4 me... he took awhile tryin to get it out & then he finally did. I thought he was playin around cuz we have this thing where he's tryin to play a joke on me & see how I react. I didnt believe him but then I could tell he was serious. He said he wasnt ready for a relationship yet. Especially cuz he juss jumped into one so fast. And then he told me also it was a lil bit becuz of Haleigh... 7 months isnt that easy to get over. I understand.

+ I asked him y he didnt tell me earlier & he told me he was thinkin bout it awhile & then decided to do it now & he didnt want it to be too late & feelings would be hurt, even tho it already WAS, since we were going out. Jerryl was like "In the future we could be together again..." I said "yah when we're both ready again" He told me there are many guys out there better than him & to go get a bf. I was like "When I'm ready to have a bf again then maybe I will.. I dont juss go out there & get one..." and he's like "yeah you dont wanna jump into a relationship too fast like we did...well juss do your thing & I'll do mines, you noe, juss talkin to peeps" Quiet for awhile, and then he asked me if he was the only one feeling sad! I was like "of course not! Wat do u think?!" Talked awhile somemore... got off...

+ Hella disappointed... I thought it would last longer & that he was different then the others... but man I guess the timing is juss not right. and for those of you who know me, probly noe wat I started to do after this... yeah I started feeling bad & went to grub on donuts & a carton of ice cream... it helps me stop thinking. I watched Spongebob... there wasnt anything else on...

+ The longest relationship I had was 2 weeks. And I didnt even like the guy that much. *sigh* Iono y this alwaise happens. I never do anything wrong... that I noe of... WATS WRONG W/ ME??? I promise from now on I wont jump into a relationship too fast anymore, until I noe that person is a person that I really wanna be with & can rely on, b4 mai feelings get hurt again. It's gunna take awhile, but man I'll need this time for myself...

+ Jerryl calls me back. We talk a lil bit. I feel kinda better somewhat but still sad. "You noe it didnt even last a week?" "Yeah, man... almost huh..." well I noe that we will be good as friends & he tells me he'll call me later.

+ I call Evey & Pam... I dont wanna stay in the house any longer... especially for several more hours till the party is sposed to start. But man I called Berlin & nobody answered either. Guess partys off... Went to meet Pam & Evey... they found out after awhile of course. Pam was like... you guys will be like Tina & Jamil... I was like no we wont... and told em the details. Pam had to go sumwhere & Evey & Me went back to her house. Juss chilled, played w/ the camera & listened to the Bow Wow CD that Ebonee juss got her 4 her present.

+ I think my birthday is guna be crappy.. I already noe it... Jerryl cant go... he's gunna be w/ his cuz's and he said he'll try to SEE me DT to give me a HUG & shiez.

+ I left, walkin up Graham. This guy rode his bike behind me 5 mins b4 I turned around and noticed him! He rode past me & said hi... I juss kept walkin. He stops and fixes his bike and I slow down... when Im near him I cross the street.. He crosses up ahead too! Then he went away & I keep walkin... I see these 2 guys... I remember one of em went to Mercer. They was like wassup... you look pretty good... I ignored em, kept walkin & they was like awww... I wanted to say I went to Mercer remember?!

+ Got to mai gramma's house, ate... now Im online... well ima go now... ttyl later... until then hope I dont get any more disappointment...

SURVEY
YOU ARE...


[Name]: Bunny
[Talking to]: Jamil & Lauren
[Time]: 3:11 am


DESCRIBE YOUR . . .


[Wallet]: empty
[Jewelry]: hella
[Shoes]: only 5 pairs
[Handbag]: ohh, thats too much to count...
[Favorite top]: ones that look good on me! ;]
[Perfume]: Dream[GAP], Ralph[Ralph Lauren], Glow[Jlo]
[Describe what you are wearing now]: shorts & a tee
[In my head]: thinkin bout mai hunny
[Wishing]: wishing..that all my hw would disappear
[Talking to]: Lauren
[Some of your favorite movies]: Juss watched Uptown Girls & Freaky Friday...
[Something that you are looking forward to in the coming months]: hmmm..school?? not really, but in a way...
[The last thing you ate?]: dont remember... wait... NOODLES! duh thats all I eat cuz im so short! ;p
[Something that you are deathly afraid of?]: SPIDERS
[Do you believe in love]: yes
[Do you believe in soul mates]: yes
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: in a way.. but it would be nicer if you got to know their personalities first so that you won't be judging them based on their looks...
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: of course!
[If you could have any animal for a pet]: Dogs...pomeranian & a golden retriver
[What are some of your favorite pig out foods?]: hmmm..I could eat anything edible & good
[What's something you wish you could understand better?]: my parents?
[Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?]: I havent seen hunny in a whole week!


Social Life . . .


[Best girl friend?]: Evelyn
[Best guy friend?]: no comment
[What type automobile do you drive?]: nothing
[What type automobile do you wish you drove?]: Lexus RX 300, Cadillac Escalade
[Would you rather be with friends or on a date?]: I'd rather do both 'together'
[Where is the best hangout?]: anywhere as long as u have fun!
[Do you have a job?]: not now
[Do you like being around people?]: yeah but sometimes I like privacy too...


Who . .


[Have you known the longest?]: Amy! since birth
[Do you argue the most with?]: gee lets see... Evey, Jerryl, Jamil, Tina, list goes on....
[Do you always get along with?]: alot!
[Is the most trustworthy?]: Evey & Yishi
[Makes you laugh the most?]: I laugh VERY easily... alot of things & ppl make me laugh
[Has been there through all the hard times?]: Me, Myself, I, Yishi & Evey
[Is the smartest?]: Mai Auntie Jessucuh


PersonaL . . .


[Who is your role model?]: me no no
[What are some of your pet peeves?]: uuhh....
[Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with?]: gee I wouldnt say 'no chance'?... naww...
[Have you ever cried over the opposite sex?]: duh! I alwaise cry when I feel upset! nothin 2 b ashamed of, juss lettin out mai feelings
[Do you have a "type" of person you always go after?]: not really... wat comes, comes
[Have you ever lied to your best friend(s)?]: yes
[Ever wanted to get revenge on someone because they hurt you?]: yeah but not in an evil way
[Rather be dumper or dumped?]: dumped
[Rather have a relationship or a "hookup?]: relationship
[Want someone you don't have right now?]: naww...
[Ever liked your best guy/girl friend?]: yep
[Do you want to get married?]: not ryte now
[Do you believe you know the person whom you will marry at this point in time?]: iono do I?
[What is your favorite part of your physical appearance?]: nothing Im uglee
[What is your favorite part of your emotional being?]: Im cheery & happy & I love making ppl feel the same!
[If you could change something in your life right now, what would it be?]: alota things... mistakes...


My Favorites . . .


[Song]: alot
[Color]: Pink my all time favorite! Baby Blue, yellow, orange
[Color to wear]: I wear colorful clothes


More Random Questions . . .


[Do you go to summer camp]: nope
[Pepsi, coke, or dr. pepper?]: pepsi
[Chocolates or flowers]: chocolate!
[Sugar or salt]: SUGAR!

Have You Ever . . .


[Been in love]: yes
[Been so drunk you blacked out]: no no no...
[Went out in public in your pajamas]: yea
[Missed school because it was raining]: yeah I hate the rain sometimes
[Set a body part on fire]: NO
[Had an imaginary friend]: dOnt remember
[Called or seen a psychic]: I AM PSYCHIC!


Do You . .


[Want a tattoo]: maybe
[Ever have the falling dream]: yep
[Have a computer in your room]: nope
[Have any regrets]: yep
[Are you happy?]: yes but tired ryte now
[Are you talking to someone online?]: yup! peaches & mill
[Are you ready for this survey to end?]: yes


What would you do . . .

[If you have 10 mins to live]: I'd tell all my friends that I love them and try to be happy & make em happy about it!
[When and who was your first crush?]: Bryan B. in 2nd grade
[What do you first notice about the opposite sex?]: face, smile, then clothes, then shoes
[Your idea of a perfect date?]: hhmm i'll get back to you
[How romantic are you? [1-1o]: ugh.. iono u tell me
[Biggest turn-on]: smiles
[Ideal guy/girl]: someone who listens
[If you could go back in time, where would you go?]: I'd prefer not to live my life over
[What'd you do yesterday?]: talk on the fone
[Last person you talked to on the phone]: Berlin & Evelyn
[Last thing you said]: I dont remember?
[Last song you listened to]: Monica- Hurts the most
[Occupation you want]: not sure
[Favorite food]: anything edible! j/k italian, mexican.. etc.
[Favorite drink]: anything yummy & sweet..
[Favorite cd]: dunno

FINALLY DONE!!

Wh0o0a...
Friday 081503

+ Went tO DT w/ Evey... gOt me sOme Baby Blue Chucks! Oh yEah I saW SAM!!! mY MonKey bOy!
I havEnt sEen hIm in fORever! =)

+ Went to see Uptown Girls... aww got a tear in our eyes! and then snuck into Freaky Friday!! lolz... good movies.. yeah these wHite gurls did the saMe thIng tOo!

+ Wow... Jerryl & me have been goin out 4 days! and it donT seem like it tHo... sEems loNger! well yeah aNiwaiSe I was talkin tO him online... aNd yeah I got pretty upset abOut sUmthin hE said... Haleigh & Evey & Jamil noes! well I juss let it gO! =p

Saturday 081603

+ I went to skool... dang we gOt all dis wOrk back... yeah barely passed tHis sHiez! aNd maI mOm was sPosed tO pick me up... we get out @ 1... she came @ 3!!! I sat mai ass ther for a good ol 2 hoUrS!! daym... [well not ExActly I dId waLk rOund & dO sHieT] maI aSs hUrted thO!

+ mOm caMe & wE weNt sHoPPing.. yEah goT a sHirt, Pants, sOme sHoRts, sKirT... nO sHe woUldnt let me geT the baby blue L.A. jacKet or anY nEw shOes... oH weLL I wasNt expeCtin her tOo! hEhEhE.. =)

+ gOt hOme, talked to Jerryl... gOt off... weNt onLine... taLked tO Sonny & Marcus a bit... and then went to watch TV. Jerryl called... talked till like 4:30 in the mornin...

Sunday 081703

+ Finally updatin this ryte now! wOke up like 1... called Hunny & talked a lil... now I gotta go call Evey! sO peace!

LoOkiE hErE, TaNgIe Is taKeN nOw
Wednesday 081303

+ weLL yEah I talked tO Jerryl oN thE fOnE... hEhEhE... he waNted tO ask me oUt cUz wE bOth like eaCh Other. aNd tHen he fiNaLLy did! =) hEhEhE... I hOpE we caN staY tOgetHer fOr lOng tImE & evErything will wOrk ouT!

+ Talked tO Evelyn & told hEr abOut it. She was like "aaww... yOu gUys maKe a cUte cOuPle.." LatEr that nIte we wErE onLine aNd Bri gOt on. Evey was maD @ hEr cUz sHe kePt trYin tO caLL me tO get SoNnY, MarCus, & SteffOn'S # tO caLL eM uP & mess w/ em & teLL thEm thaT Evelyn waNts Sonny's baby. bUt of coUrSe shE cOULdn't geT tHru cUz I was talkin tO Jerryl.

+ Evelyn told me hOw mad Bri madE her & how sHe was annOying & actIng different.. anD I saId "well maybe she's juss PMSing... dOnt stay mad @ her, tell her how yOu feel & ask hEr wHy sHe did it..." aNd theN Evey wenT away reaL quick & she left the IM window on & Bri read everytHing & in the ChaT rOoM sHe was like "Im engaged..." anD I was like "yeah, a $2 ring frOm ClaiRes! ;p" (cUz thats wAt Sonny saiD last time when we were on 3 way) aNd then sHe saId "If I wanted a ring from Claires, I would have asked you, Angela" I said "ok, w/e" and Bri kept going on saying "Jerryl you shOUld noe wHat you were getting into b4 u went out w/ angela" Jerryl was like "huh?" anD I was like "OMG! Evelyn, I cant believe Bri would say that..." and she was like "yeah me neither!" that's ssOoOo wrong...

Thursday 081403

+ But it's ok I forgave hEr cuZ I dOnt like tO hOld grUdges agaInst ppl, sO I juSs let it go. I taLked tO Berlin this mornin & I told her & shE was like "you guys make a cute couple!" yUpYuP...

+ We're sposed tO be gOin DT tomOrow... bUt Jerryl thInks he caNt gO & Evey hUrt heR knee... sO Im nOt sHurE iF I waNNa gO if iT's gOnNa bE me, Jamil, & wHoevEr eLse... I mEan I nOe I'll havE fUn w/ TEADS bUt it wOnt be thE saMe w/out quarteRs & undercover freaK! =)

+ Then I went outside to help mai dad w/ the new car... nothin much to do sO I went in the car & sat in the drivers seat & went to sleep on the wheel... then my lil brat sister cOmes & pushes mai head hard against the horn & it honks real loud & I aLL jumP uP in mai seat & she tried to hide behind me but she started laffin & didnt look @ wat she was doin so she ended up scratchin her hand... lolz... serves her ryte! j/k =D

+ Oh weLL, skOoL is cOmin up! =/ iOnO wHether tO LoOk fOrwaRd tO it or nOt... aNd mY biRthdaY tOo! Im stILL havin tRoUble decieding waT I sHouLd dO! On Tuesday & Wednesday Ima be in Canada... all cuz of maI parents fauLt... aLong w/ maI cUz & aunt & uncle! takIn a vacatiOn & draggin me aLong sO cLosE tO my bIrthdaY! maN I'll tHink abOut thIs sOme otHer tImE!

FuN sTUFF
+ JuSs wOkE uP... I have a dEnTist appoint. tOday! and theN maybe Evelyn & Bri are comin over. mAn yesterdaY I tried tO uPdate tHis & it gOt f'ed up again... I swear Evelyn's comp on crack is contagious! =) hehehe...

+ Anyway, on monday I was sposed to go kick it w/ Tina, Haleigh, Evelyn, Jerryl, Jamil, and Berlin @ SC, but the only ppl that ended up going was Jerryl, Jamil, Evey & me. We were sposed to meet up @ 1:30 & we was there @ 1:10... they came like @ 2:00! so we was mad @ em and ignored em for awhile. But then we got over it and it was hella fun! We walked around the entire mall going into almost every store & juss messin around.

+ Jamil & Jerryl seemed to be having hella fun down in the Cube at The BON... we were all dancing to the ghetto ass white music... xcept Evey! They were tryin to make her dance! She wouldnt dance 4 nothin & wen we split up & tried to hide from them, me & her started dancing! lolz... stayed there for like 10 years until they finally agreed to leave!

+ Then we made em go into Character Corner... haha, they was like "It's too pink!!" but we was playin w/ the stuff in there too. Oh there was this huge Pooh Bear & Tigger!! almost like my size! hehehe. and there were Care Bears 2!

+ We had even more fun in Spencers... for another 8 years Jamil & Jerryl seemed to love the whoopee cushions... lolz... we chased each other around the store w/ stuff and the lady was like "dont mess w/ dat... blah blah blah..."

+ We was up in the baby section when I picked up a cute stuffed bunny & Jerryl was like "make it hop (boing) like a bunny" to Jamil & so I held up the bunny to Jamil and I was like "bunny!" and they looked @ each other & started dyin & they was makin fun of me the rest of ENTIRE the day... but Jerryl said it all retarded sounding like "bbbuuuhhhhh- nnneeeyyy" I was like "not uh, I DID NOT sound like THAT"

+ But when we sat down talkin about how much money we had, Jerryl was like "I have $1.25, in quarters!" and then Jamil was makin fun of him so we all started laffin @ him & he said "I spent the rest of mai money of mai shoes this morning" and I was like "did u buy em in quarters?" and they were all like "oooohhhhhh" and Jerryl got mad at me. I said sorry I was j/p & everythang but he was still mad @ me! Well hey there nothing wrong w/ buyin stuff w/ change as long as u got the rite amount...

+ Went to Burger King and stayed for about 20 years! yeah sounds boring but it shure was the way we was actin all stupid & goofin around! haha Jamil burnt his lip cuz his burger was hot & juss cooked & Jerryl's is "@ the bottom of the freezer, 2 min microwaved"... lolz... and then we was flippin quarters & Jamil said "I think it's gunna be... TEADS!" lolz... he got Tails & heads mixed up!

+ Went back to SC (and no I didnt get kick out ;p) and went to KB Toys & we pressed on all the buttons on the Hamsters! Bakers... I took Jerryl's hat, and Jamil tried on some uglee hats & that influenced Jerryl to try em on too! Then we were tryin on sunglasses... & back to Spencers again! Oh Evey found some mini condoms & went to Jerryl & was like "here Jerryl you need this!" OoOoOoOoOoO!!! Went to Rainforest Cafe & messed around there & then we took sticky pics!

+ Called Jamil's dad to pick us up like @ 9 & I fell asleep in the car. Got to Evey's house & I was still half asleep gettin out of the car so I hit mai head REAL hard on the car door & lost hella brain cells as Evey would say! Got home 10/11 @ talked to Evey on the fone. She was like "Jerryl deserved the quarter thing anyway, and they was laffin @ you in car car when you was asleep" Then she said "Y where they was makin fun of u all day & not me?" yeah w/e but were planning to go Friday again, juss the 4 of us. Where to next?

LJ's Funeral... Oct 8, 1987 - August 1, 2003
bumpin: Officially Missing You

+ Yeah I went to LJ's funeral yesterday... it was horrible! Ashley had another seizure... and yeah I was cryin hella & shit...

+ Everyone was still planning on going DT after the funeral but I was upset & I reallie didnt feel like having fun after everything sO I ended up going to the burial w/ Miss D, Charly, Jess, & Sissy.

+ Took forever to get there... It was all the way up past northgate past 2441h NE!! and it only lasted very short and then we left around 4:20 or sumthing and dropped Sissy back at Miller Park around 5 and then went to Charly's house. She has a hella nice view... the Port of Seattle, Space Needle... its beautiful!

+ Bout to bring me home but then I found Sissy's keys in the car! so Charly called up her lito bro to ask for Sissy's addy. We went back all the way up Yesler and dropped off the keys and then drove down south again to drive me home. Then she drove Jess home.

+ Talked to Sonny, and then online Evelyn, Jamil, Jerryl, Haleigh, Tina, etc... couldnt sleep the entire nite and then rite when i was finally going to sleep at 7, I remembered I still didnt do the dishes so I did em real quick...

+ Woke up todae round 2 and did laundry, clean up the house, etc... I mite go kick it @ SC tomoroe... yUpyUp!! ;p haha... and if anyone asks... my name is Tara okey?!?! ...definitely not JoJo tomoroe!

+ Well Ima bounce talkin to Evey... =)

pissed.....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sssssssssooooooooooo MAD!!!!!!!!!! I cant believe her man!!! ergh mai mom gets on mai nerves!

Livin Life to thE FuLLeSt!
080303 ~9:55 pm

+ The real story was that LJ was in Utah for basketball & they was driving to L.A. The driver fell asleep and they crashed. LJ, the only one not wearin a seatbelt was the only one who died. AND the only one who was hurt.

+ anywaise. 2 make everything short cuz it got deleted, I went to Evelyns birthday party yesterday (or actually 2 days ago...080203). When everyone arrived, Tina, Pam & her lito bro, Bri, Dessare & Raina (Eve's lito cuzins) we went to LJ's memorial @ 6:00 Miller Park. Pam went home to drop off her bro & pack clothes + sleepin bag to spend nite @ Ev's so she didnt go. (Tina already brought hers) there was hella ppl dere. met up Berlin then Jamil. Saw Sonny, Troy, and Michael B. sittin in the back. Michael's eyes were red & watery like he been cryin. Hella ppls were cryin. Then we lit candles & stood in a circle. Tina & I ended up saving mai candle.

+ We was l8 meetin Pam dt. we acted crazy. like we alwaise do. went to the movies. Bri acted like she didnt noe us. watch Johny English. and threw popcorn at each other no doubt. Ev threw ice @ me & Tina. We got em back. Berlin & Ev threw handful of popcorn down mai tank. Me & Tina kicked Berlin's seat. then Berlin & Ev threw ice @ ppl. this white guy turned and looked at us & I said "BOOOO!!!" hecka loud.

+ After movie saw Jamico 'Cheeseburger' gave him a hug. ran thru waterfall. my right slipper fell off. had to go back & get it. i was SEE THRU in mai white pants & baby blue tank. Raina fell & hurt her jaw. Pam tried to find places 4 me to change into her orange tshirt & grey sweats.

+ We jaywalked cross the street to the BON. I was the last one as the cars were coming my right slipper (AGAIN! I JUSS NOTICED!) slipped off cuz i was still wet. I stood there screamin as the cars continued to come and then my other slipper twisted and i ran to the other side just in time. I screamed "MY SHOE MY SHOE!!" as i watched it become road pizza as the evil hit & run drivers ran over my flip flop. everyone laffed. i was sooo embarassed. this white lady went and got it 4 me wen the cars were gone.

+ i didnt end up changing in2 her clothes cuz i ws beginnin to dry off & there wasnt any point in me changin back & forth cuz i couldnt spend the nite.

+ walked to Kane Hall. Bri & Dezarae were too tired to walk to the next bus stop so they juss stayed there. they shudda went tho cuz at Kane Hall there was a CD/South End fight. Pam & Tina were like "yeah angela i dont think u shuld be gettin 2 close.... come back here!!" yeah u noe how angela be when theres tha fight goin on! i gotta see! yeah they went onto the 106 & their friends got off but they stayed on. the 7 came but the wiring thingy came off so the lady had to get off the bus to fix it so we went to the back to see the 106 behind us. one of the girls ended up gettin off and gettin on the 7.

+ took the bus all dah way back to Ev's and Tina was talkin shiet about me & they was makin fun of how slow i am again cuz i was payin attention... lolz... when we were gettin of the bus, Raina got off first in the back and some guys got on in the front, and then the bus driver closed the door on me!! I was lyke ahh!! and pulled my hand thru the door. I screamed BACK DOOR! and started to cuss wen i got off. Yep, and they was laffin @ me again! We got back at Ev's house & ate burgers, chips & drank pop. My dad came & picked me up & I got home a lil after 12.

------------------------------------------------------------->EDIT<--------------------------------------------------------------- 3:38 am
+ Talked to Evelyn awhile. Then she got off to sleep. She asked me to go w/ her tomorow 2 see if she can get a job @ dis bbq place that her aunt recommended. I cant do it tho cuz Im still 14... until 18 days later... iono wat to do for mai birthday. If LJ was still here I woulda invited him. I wish he could go... he owes me a present! he HAS to go... and I owe him one... He's sposed to invite me to HIS party... *sniff*

+ I couldnt sleep these past few nites man. But I was so tired earlier I took a nap & dreamed that he came outside to me & I opened the door and ran to give him a big hug. He didnt say anything to me but juss hug me. I woke up and looked around for him.... where's LJ? he's not gone yet... he's not... he was huggingg me...he's still alive... then I started crying & couldnt stop... and here I am... the screen is all blurryy and shiet. *sigh* mai head hurts...

R.I.P. James Simms.... aka LJ
LJ... more than anything in the world right now i wish you would come back! i cant believe youre gone & i still cant accept that right now. I wish i got to know you better, like how Jessica & JP knew you, but i knew you well enough to say that "I love you, I miss yOu, and I wish this accident never happened".... from the naps we took together during movies in Mr. Truax's World History class to the copying of notes & help on tests, to the progress reports we compared to each other, and to the group projects we did on Iraq w/ JP... from the simple "wassup" in hallways and the hugs we gave. you were always so nice. when i found out this morning it was a great shock. it finally sank in as i burst out crying, half-believeing what i heard... the fact that youre gone is a huge impact & a great shock that nobody expected. i guess thats what its all about... the fact that you never know when you'll lose someone. that's why you have to tell someone how you feel or you'll never get the chance once its gone. I liked you in the beginning of the school year... Im not sure if you knew, but from our stares & glances across the room i think you had a clue. another thing is the person you'd never expect to be in love w/ you is Elizabeth "Lizard" Lopez. I havent been able to call her yet... been tryin to get a hold of her all day. Im sure she has found out by now and must be almost cryin as hard as i have been all day. I'd cry my eyes out & fall asleep, only to wake up later & realise & remember what happened & cry myself to sleep once again. Im sure both Jessica's, Tracy, Ladan, and many more people who knew you 4 so many years and those who had you for a friend or even classmate cried their eyes out today. If only tears could bring you back... If I had any wish, I would wish you back... If only my birthday was 22 days earlier... but i wouldnt expect something like this to happen... *sigh* wat if u wore your seatbelt?... wat if the window was closed?... wat if the driver was more careful?.. wat if i killed the other driver so this never happened?... so many What If's... LJ I want you to know that nothing & nobody would ever replace you in our hearts... I LOVE YOU LJ!!!

This is what i wrote to him... i didnt even get to take any pictures w/ him... and he was in 2 much of a hurry after playin basketball to sign my pants... the only thing i have to remember him left by is our project(if its not trashed by now) and just my memories.

+ Sonny got a hold of me around 2/3. He woke up an hour ago to find out from his dad he had 10 fone calls. I asked him who else he talked to & if he found out about LJ. He said no, and he called me first & so i told him. he was hella surprised & asked LJ who. I said LJ... Lil James... James Simms... he would not believe me & asked me to put it on something. I said I put that on everything. I sounded so sure. Like I knew for a fact. even tho i wasnt as sure as i souded cuz i didnt even know for a fact & i shouldn't, didnt, wouldnt, and couldnt have sounded so sure. He was hella sad & asked me more questions that i couldnt answer & didnt have answers to. He said he didnt even know if he wanted to go to the funeral cuz its too sad. i didnt even think that far yet. should i go? I really want to go because he was my friend, and its a sign of respect. i have never gone to a funeral before, but if i go, and i see his body there, then it would ensure the fact that he's dead... that he's really dead & i cant do anything about it...

+ juss talked to Lula. she told me that Jessica (and think Ladan) was on the fone w/ LJ's mom. She said we dont have to wear black, we can wear ordinary school clothes to the funeral. but if im guna go ima wear black.. its respect.. i aint guna be the only one wearing normal clothes...

+ didnt go to evelyns bday party. mutha fukkin claires sent me a stupid fukkin $218 bill. my mom says i have to pay myself. if i dont then i have to go to court & then juvee. i have $8..... my life is screwed.

------------------------------------------------------------->EDIT<---------------------------------------------------------------
+ couldnt sleep... saw Layla online & needed to talk...

cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: layla...
luvlycharmed1: angela..........
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: hey
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: how are you
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: did you hear about LJ
luvlycharmed1: hi. fine you?
luvlycharmed1: yeah...sad
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: I was cryin mai eyes out the entire day
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: do u noe wat exactly happend?
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: wat did u hear?
luvlycharmed1: car accident. wasn't wearing his seatbelt. flew through the window. the only one hurt
luvlycharmed1: died this morning
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: who else was with him in the car?
luvlycharmed1: 6 other ppl/ no one else got hurt but him
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: do u noe the 6 other ppl?
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: they didnthave a scratch on them at all?!?!
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: how come he was the only one? why did it have to be him?
luvlycharmed1: no. everyone else had seatbelts on when the van swerved their way
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: who was the other driver?
luvlycharmed1: random. don really noe
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: everone else in the car juss saw him fly out the window? couldnt they help him?
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: man i still cant believe it
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: were his parents there or was it other students who went to summer skool part of the 6?
luvlycharmed1: ang, have u ever been in a car accident? u can hardly help urself
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: yeah i have but man fukk wat happedn to the other driver?
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: he should go to jail man!
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy:
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: sorrie im juss trippin
luvlycharmed1: hell most likely be charged with vehicular homocide
luvlycharmed1: (killing another person with a car)
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: yeah i noe
luvlycharmed1: i feel bad for his mother though
luvlycharmed1: thats some hard crap to get through
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: but man y couldnt he hit a bum of the street why did it have to be someone i knew?.....
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: yeah i noe
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: doesnt he have younger siblings
luvlycharmed1: i guess we wont see him next year huh?
luvlycharmed1: yeah stupid quetion
luvlycharmed1: *question
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: yeah i noe its gunna be so different cuz everyone is leaving...
luvlycharmed1: what do u mean?
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: alot of the ppl are changeing skools
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: not including LJ... wish he was just changin skools instead of this
luvlycharmed1: at least
luvlycharmed1: like who?
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: man i still cant believe this
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: theres sonny, michael & other ppl
luvlycharmed1: it makes u realize that this one life is all u got
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: yeah it really ,made me think today
luvlycharmed1: really
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: i dont think i would be able to sleep all nite tonite
luvlycharmed1: i cant
luvlycharmed1: on the net
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: do u noe where the accident happend?
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: yeah i could tell usually u be offline now
luvlycharmed1: cant sleep
luvlycharmed1: shoulda done sumthin today
luvlycharmed1: but i didn't
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: yeah
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: hey answr the question!
luvlycharmed1: hmm?
luvlycharmed1: oh. no
luvlycharmed1: itll probably show up in the papers
luvlycharmed1: and on the news though
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: yeah i watched new all nite but i didnt find anythin on him
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: but i saw peter! (actually Lula saw him, I was talkin 2 Lula & she turned it up so i heard it)
luvlycharmed1: mmm..........
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: peter garcia..... A HERO! him & another guy saved a 13 year old boy from drowning in Lake WA
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: It was funny & ironic knowing peter... but im glad he was a hero... just wished LJ was the one drowning and he saved LJ so he didnt have to die
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: ...........ugghhh man.....
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: i hate this i have a headache.....
luvlycharmed1: calm..........
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: ok ok...
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: how could u sound so calm!
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: man man man oh man.....
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: *sigh*
luvlycharmed1: ur depressing when ur sad
luvlycharmed1: but its understandable
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: thanx
luvlycharmed1: dont sweat it
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: grl u are really playin it kool!
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: *sigh*
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: wat are u doin
luvlycharmed1: watchin a movie on the computer
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: oh
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: wat movie
luvlycharmed1: a walk to remember
luvlycharmed1: listen, feel better anela
luvlycharmed1: sry, angela
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: its ok
luvlycharmed1: cry as much as u want
luvlycharmed1: ppl will understand
luvlycharmed1: and just let it be a reminder to live life to the fullest
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: thanx gurl
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: i will
luvlycharmed1: oh, mmm
luvlycharmed1: jus feel better
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: luv ya
luvlycharmed1: ditto
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: ?!?! you are really random
luvlycharmed1: am i?
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: ditto?!
luvlycharmed1: luv ya Angela
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: ???
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: i love you too!
luvlycharmed1: O
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: hope LJ is doing good & smiling down at us in heaven
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: O
luvlycharmed1: hope he is
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: *sigh*
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: remember when i used to like him in the begining of the skool year?
luvlycharmed1: mmm-hmm
luvlycharmed1: u were sprung girlie
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: lil bow wow...
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: not uh!
luvlycharmed1: yuh-huh!
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: i was not! i juss liked him
luvlycharmed1: mmm-hmm......
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: uuuhhhh- uuuunnnnhhhh!!!
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: ;p
luvlycharmed1: uh-huh. sure.
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: ok u win
luvlycharmed1: don get urself tied in a knot
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy:
luvlycharmed1: u must miss him
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: wat knot?
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: yeah
luvlycharmed1: u gonna ask about his funeral?
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: mai best freind called me & woke me up and told me not to cry after she tells me something so i go ok i can handle it how bad can it be but yeah it takes me about a minute to finally realise wat she said and let it sink in as I break out & burst out crying
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: yeah i think im gonna go
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: get him some roses
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: and yeah...
luvlycharmed1: yea
luvlycharmed1: pretty sure half the girls in the school will be there
luvlycharmed1: hehe
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: are u planning to go?
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: true
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: that big flirt
luvlycharmed1: also true
luvlycharmed1: but dunno
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: icic
luvlycharmed1: listen gtg now. feel better. get roses.
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: oh yeah LJ's mom said we dont have to wear black, we can wear ordinary school clothes to the funeral. but if im guna go ima wear black.. its respect.. i aint guna be the only one wearing normal clothes...

cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: ok
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: ttyl
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: thanx 4 dah advics
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: advice*
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: buhbai!!
cLuMsYhUnNybUnNy: oh yeah call me

I cant believe it......
Friday, August 01, 2003

+ im in so much shock ryte now & im cryin so much the screen is a blurr... todae is blueberry's party... everyone should be happy & gettin ready to go... but instead everyone @ Garfield is cryin & trippin. As i was sleepin, having a dream that i had a long time before, blueberry calls me @ 11:18am, August 1st, 2003.... and tells me not to cry because she has to tell me something. I said "wat is it?" she says that LJ is dead. LJ IS DEAD. I dont believe her. sHe says he was on his way to summer skool & he got into a car accident & flew out the window.... *crying* It takes about a minute to finally sink in as I break out & burst out crying as incontrollable tears come down mai face.....

LJ... I caNt believe youre gOne... I nevEr gOt to tell you tHat I love you......I LOVE YOU!!!... but that will never replace yOu... If I find oUt who tHa fukk thE other driveR waS, & he was w/oUt a scratcH, I SWEAR I'LL KILL HIM THAT MUTHAFUKKER FOR REVENGE!!!.... LJ... nOthIng wOuld ever replace yOu in ouR heaRts... we miss yOu, we love yOu... please cOmE back & teLL mE this is a dream!!!

I have to get off now & call sonny to see if that bitch is still alseep or if he found out yet......

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Thursday, July 31, 2003

+ todae was gr8. we went out to eat 4 mai mom's bday. she loved the present. wen we were on our was to the car 2 leave we saw Aunt Betty's car & figured she was in ABC. We went in & found them and sat down to talk awhile. FeFe & me had our talk. we went to Uwajimaya & came back just in time as they left. went home. ate cake. orange juice called. took a shower cuz got cake in mai hair. went to sleep around 3. but todae is a diff story...

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Wednesday, July 30, 2003

+yeStErdaY I wEnt DT wIt BeBe tO gEt BluEberry & maI mOmy's preSeNt... aNd aLsO sUsHi's pResEnt tOo iTs dIz DecEmbEr... (maI mOmy bouGhT tHis cUte jaR frOm caLi engraved w/ chinEse wOrds & I gOt sOme staR paPeR tO fOld & fILL uP tHe jaR) For Blueberry I gOt a cute silver necklace w/ the letter "E" & a "Best Friends" bUtterfly keychain frOm cLaiRes (....YEP U GUESSED IT! AND MAI MOM TOLD ME NOT TO GO THERE TOO!) I gOt maI mOmy tHe saMe nEckLacE cUz hEr firSt naMe iS "Eva" aNd aLso a Mother/Daughter charmbracelet! I staRted to fOLd thE stars yesTerdaE... IM HALFWAY DONE! tHeN I fOund oUt thEy wErE GLOW IN THE DARK! sO I starteD tO fOld em in thE darK! hEEhEEhEE! sILLy mee!

+ daNg laSt nIte waS hELLa hOt in maI rOoM & maI parENts weRe argUinG ovEr wHetHeR wE sHouLd InsTaLL mOre vEnTs I cOuLdnT sLeEp @ aLL! sO I weNt dOwNstaIrs iN tHa guEsTrOoM wHeRe iT waS kOoLeR...

+ dIdNt taLk tO nOboDy sO fAr bUh BluebErry... hahaha... ALEX called mE & I saw iT on tHe caLLer ID & I scReaMeD "DONT PICK UP THE FONE!!!!" aNd iT jUsS raNg aWhILe... maI paReNts weRe lyKE "It's ALex, hUh?".... nO dOugHT! anIwaIsE Blueberry called Me & sHe thOughT I wAs taLkiNg tO OrangE JuiCe wHen maI LiNe waS bUsY (onliNe... y did she thiNk I was taLkIn to hIM?!) sO shE caLLed hIm & DomiNique picked uP & sHe was like "oh Im oN daH fOne rYte noW caLL bacK L8er..." aNd in tHe bacKgrOuNd oraNgE juIce waS lykE "WHO IS IT?!?! IS IT FOR ME???" hELLa LouD! hahaha... geE I wOndEr wHoS fOne caLL hE wAs sO dEsPeRaTe fOr.... SHAMIKKA?

+ YeP, maI mOmys biRthDaY isH tOmoRoe... maI dadY & mE weRe sPosEd tO ordEr tHE caKe toDaE!!.... WTF... maN wHeRe is hE? ergH caNT beLievE I aLmoEsT 4gOt! sHIeT beTTER chAngE ouTTa tHe jaMMiEs & bOunCe! aYte peacE!