I looked over at my beautiful sleeping girlfriend in the bed next to me. I watched as Liz's breath repeated its steady pattern. I thought of words to describe her, and tried to remember the first one I thought of. It was already hard enough to sleep. With the bus rocking slowly and Justin snoring, I thought I would be ok. I’m used to this by now, and this is normal for me. I fall asleep to the rocking. Tonight’s different.
I think I’m excited that she’s finally here. On my bus. I had been so excited to see her and now she was here. I was supposed to be able to sleep even better with her here in my arms. Why wasn’t I? All of the electricity between us was flowing again. Full force. It felt great, but I really need to sleep. My body is already running on empty. This is so unusual. What’s wrong with me?
I stop worrying about myself. I remember that I am not that egotistical and conceited. I watch as she makes a faint smile in her sleep. I even crack one myself. She must be dreaming. Oh, no. She’s waking up. That’s why she smiled.
“What are you doing up?” She asked in a sleepy voice, not opening her eyes. I open my mouth to say something, but something else comes out. “Just thinking, just go back to sleep.” I whispered.
“Jace,“ She half whined. “You are so tired you can’t sleep. Can you at least try? I can go sleep somewhere else if that’s what's bothering you. I shouldn‘t have broken the rules. Jace, Johnny‘s going to find out I slept here tonight. He‘s going to kick me off the tour. I‘m going to lose my job. Jace, why‘d I mess up? Again?”
“No. You’re not the problem, Liz. I’m just thinking. You’re not going to lose your job. Every thing will be ok. We will try to keep this as much of a secret as we can. All of the guys already know and they know not to tell. And it’s not your fault if I can’t sleep. Every thing’s going to be all right. Go back to sleep.”
*_*
If she wasn’t sleeping here I would get out my notebook and write these words down. It’s not that I don’t want her here, because I do. I want her here more than anything else. I just wish I could write these down. This would make a great song. Maybe I’ll remember them tomorrow too.
Its sort of funny how she always makes sure she has a part of her touching me. Its like she’s afraid I’ll leave. It’s usually her foot touching mine, but tonight its both her foot and I’m holding her hand. I continue to watch her sleep. She’s so beautiful.
*_*
Then next morning I wake up to see the spot next to me empty, but the bus is still moving. I look at the digital clock on my left, 7:30 am. I stumble out of my bunk and hear another thud. Lance isn’t far behind. When I get to the common room on the bus I see her. My heart flutters for just a moment and I regain my composure. I see her sitting on the ground beating the crap out of Chris on PlayStation.
She doesn’t see my yet. She just ran her car into his. He spun of course, and she’s ahead now.
“Oh yeah! Did you just see that? I just won! Ha! Take that Chris! I’m the master now!” She shouted, forgetting that there were sleeping people up front, and did her happy dance. She finally spotted me.
“Morning.” She came over and wrapped her arms around me. She kissed my cheek and let go. She had to get back to the game.
*_*
When we finally got to our hotel and checked in, we brought all of out things up to our rooms. Liz was so excited to finally be at a hotel. She liked the bus, she told me, but she liked to stay at a stationary spot better. Which was understandable.
“Oh yes! Nonmoving ground.” She said once we got to our room. She dropped her stuff on the ground by the door and ran to the bed.
“You are so weird, do you know that?” I said trying to push her bag out of the way so I could get in.
“Yeah. You tell me everyday.” She smiled. “Just like you say I am amazingly self assured. And I always tell you that I tell myself that everyday.”
I finally moved everything inside and sat on the bed next to her. I looked into her deep chocolate eyes.
*_*
I walked in late to the sound check, as usual. Somehow Liz was already there and at her mark. We had spent the entire day together... well, as much as we could. True, she has her own stuff to worry about, but other than that, today was our day.
“You’re late.” Melissa said flatly.
I looked over at Liz, who had taken a step in my direction, and smiled sadly.
“I know. I’m sorry. Let’s go.”
The music started up and I was immediately enveloped by the sound. Lance slipped on a towel, and caused us to take it from the top again. He was really upset. He thought he had thrown it far enough, but obviously he didn’t. All of us were supportive even Liz, Casey, and Maran, but Melissa and Celia were extremely annoyed. Ok, its not like we didn’t want to get this stupid thing done with, but at least we’re nice about it when one of them mess up.
I watched as Liz danced. Her movements were so smooth and clean. It just flowed out of her. Her body moved perfectly to the beats. She looked right at me when I started my verse. I lost my voice for a split second and found it as quickly as I lost it. I will never forget that look. Its been placed in my memory and it will never be removed. It was like she was speaking to me, and as though no one else was around. It’s so strange how that happens. Every time I’m around her I lose the rest of the world and focus only on us. Like we are the only two people in the entire world. She needs me.
And I need her.
After the sound check the guys and I escape to the dressing room to cool off, and Liz pops her head in. I’m on the back of the room and can’t see her. Justin spots her. “Jus,” She whispers. “Justin.”
“What?” He says loudly. “Oh, hey Liz,” he says more quietly and motioning her to come in.
“Is Jace in here? I need to talk to him for just a second.”
“Liz,” Chris says and that gets my attention. “Don’t lie, its bad for you. If you wanna go do whatever it is you two do, then just do it. Oh, just make sure it’s not in front of me.”
“Liz,” I say. “Come here.” She sees me and walks quickly and I take her hand. She kisses my lips softly, yet its like she's hungry for my touch. I put my hand on the wall to keep my balance. She’s so intoxicating, it makes me weak. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me again and again. She stops and looks at me, then smiles a little bit.
“I’m sorry Melissa’s such a bitch, and its not like I can be like hey, piss off bitch because then she’d get suspicious and be like why’d you stick up for that candy ass? And then I would have to be like, oh well because he’s my boyfriend... see Jace? This is so hard. I would’ve stuck up for you, you know that right?” She spoke quickly and I pit my index finger to her lips.
“Shhh.” I kissed her softly this time. She melted right back into me.
*_*
Later that night I realized that I did in fact remember the words. Sometimes I wish I could just tell her that I love her. We’re not near that point yet, but why do i feel like I need to tell her? I need to tell her that she’s beautiful, and that I love her. I don’t want to end up getting so nervous and saying the wrong thing. I would be so embarrassed. I cant talk to anyone else about this. For the time being I will just take things slow and enjoy the time I have with Liz.
She’s beautiful.
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