"What?" The vampire looked aggrieved.

"No, no smoking in the car," Xander said flatly. Well this certainly wasn't the way he envisioned the trip home. After saying good-bye to William and the kiss, Xander had thought they would talk, chat; make plans for a date, heck something. But all they were doing was driving each other insane, in other words, the usual.

Spike bounced in his seat, muttering to himself. "I'm hungry," he whined.

"Well, there's blood in the cooler," Xander gritted his teeth.

"It's cold," Spike snapped childishly.

"You don't say?" Xander gripped the steering wheel a little harder and mentally counted to ten, then twenty then all the way up to one hundred.

Blessed silence reigned for all of ten minutes then -

"I'm bored."

"Sigh"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

"I mean you weren't kidding when you told us you were a womanizing lout were you?" Cordy handed him a bag of ice to replace the meat patty he was using on his black eye. She hid a small smile at the amount of damage she'd caused; let's hear it for Sunnydale born and bred.

"I'm sorry. I can't imagine what got into me or why I would have done that." Angel moaned, glancing quickly at the woman standing next to him, actually yes he could.

"Hey!" Cordy sat up a little straighter, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I meant I can't understand why I would have done that to such a nice girl," Angel stammered.

"Woman," Cordy corrected automatically.

"Woman," Angel amended, "Beautiful woman," he added for good measure. She gave him the hint of a smile and he leaned back with a relieved sigh. Thank God, disaster narrowly averted.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

He couldn't remember why the Hell he'd kissed the annoying blonde to begin with but he knew one thing, he wouldn't be doing it again anytime in the near future.

"I knew it was a pity kiss!" Spike hissed, catching Xander completely off guard. Oh Lord, he hadn't just said that out loud?

"It was not a pity kiss!" Xander threw over his shoulder, refusing to get into this in the street, he stomped towards his apartment, uncaring whether Spike followed him or not.

"You've never kissed me before," Spike pointed out logically. "Never even came close; besides, wasn't me you were kissing was it?"

"Oh no you don't." Xander turned abruptly and shook his head and his finger at the blonde. "You're not playing this game with me." He tapped his chest, "I am a graduate of the Anya School of Relationships and this whole 'human/demon I don't remember what the other one did' crap is not gonna fly with me mister."

Xander backed the vampire up against the building wall, "William might not have remembered you but you remembered William and even though I didn't know that would happen I might have known that would happen so I knew that you might remember that I kissed you even if you didn't know who you were." Xander nodded decisively before turning and unlocking the apartment door.

Spike left to lean against the wall was attempting to deconstruct the explanation he was given. He wasn't doing too well even though he had years of Dru-speak behind him, Xander-babble was a whole new territory. 

"So if that's why you're acting like such a big baby, knock it off." Xander continued talking as he walked to the kitchen, assuming that Spike was right behind him until the noticeable lack of a reply caught his attention.

He backtracked to the front door where Spike was still leaning against the wall with a very perplexed look on his face, apparently talking to himself.

"Are you coming in or what?" Xander waved a hand in front of the vampire's face. Spike blinked.

"So you did mean to kiss me and you might want to do it again?" Spike ventured hesitantly. He still wasn't sure if he worked out Xander's explanation of events properly.

"Well not right now, you've been a jerk all night." Xander looked at him like 'duh'.

"I hate you," Spike snarled in frustration earning him one of Xander's rare heartfelt smiles.

"I know. Come on let's get some sleep. You can have the couch. Tomorrow we'll report our findings to the gang."

Spike who was dizzyingly trying to assimilate Xander's swift mood changes and remember where the extra blankets were looked up in alarm at the last part of the sentence.

"Don't worry, I won't say anything about what happened." Xander reassured him before grinning evilly, "Well, maybe a little bit about Liam." Cackling maniacally Xander made his way to the bedroom and some much needed sleep, leaving Spike to wonder why he always fell for the crazy ones.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Scratching his chest, bleary eyed and tousled he made his way to the bathroom, used the toilet, noticed it really needed cleaning and wondered if he could pay Spike to do it. That led to thoughts of Spike in a French maid's outfit which led to even more outrageous speculation which led to a return trip to the bedroom for some quick relief and than back to the bathroom and than finally the kitchen.

A vampire shaped lump still occupied his couch as he wandered by; he was a little surprised Spike wasn't up and grumbling for food by now but may be he'd worn himself out last night with all his bitching and moaning. Sheesh! Neurotic much, as Cordy would say.

Xander decided on an omelet with the works. He was busy grating cheese when he heard a faint groan from the living room. He frowned, odd.

"Hey Spike, you awake?"

"Mrmmmph."

"Is that a yes 'mrmmmph' or a no 'mrmmmph'?

"Xander?"

Huh, that sounded like a very tentative 'Xander'. He quit grating and walked over to the couch. Spike was still covered by the blankets, but there was faint movement.

"You better not be doing something disgusting under there Blondie." Xander tugged on the blankets, but not too hard just in case stuff was going on that would strike him blind or something.

Spike popped out, or at least his head, looking very disheveled and confused and kinda cute but that was neither here nor there.

The vampire blinked, looking up at Xander, squinting slightly. "Oh dear."

Xander blanched, "William?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"We should stop by the office before we go to the concert," Wes stated. He and Charles often went to free shows or exhibits on Saturdays.

"Sounds good; should check and see if there's anything left of Angel after Cordy ripped him a new one." Gunn grinned. "Man, you weren't kidding, Angel really would go after anything in a skirt."

"Actually from what I've read in the Watcher's Diaries, it didn't necessarily have to be a skirt. Liam was very, democratic." Wes said carefully before catching Gunn's raised eyebrow and bursting into laughter.

"Yes, well, he was quite the rogue. I confess, I'd always wondered how accurate these old accounts were in the journals but from what we saw last night," he trailed off meaningfully.

"Yeah, a real smooth operator," Gunn agreed. "And what about Spike, man, talk about mousy. I can't believe he turned out to be such a bad ass vampire."

"Yes, William did seem quite repressed but there must have been some spark about him or Angelus would not have allowed him to survive." Wesley looked very thoughtful for a moment. "I do wish we'd had more time to talk to them both; it would have been a fascinating psychological study." Wes sighed regretfully.

"Are you kidding, William may be but Liam?" Gunn shook his head. "Can you imagine trying to run Angel Investigations with him in charge?"

"You may have a", Wes broke off as the phone rang.

"Wyndham-Pryce here. Cordelia how, what, excuse me, say that again?"

"I said you better get yourself over to the hotel right now Mister." Cordy snapped before batting at the hand playing with a lock of her hair.

"Move it or loose it buddy!"

"There's no need to be rude," Wesley huffed.

"Not you Wes, him!" Cordy hissed in exasperation.

"Who?" Wesley heard the sound of a slap and an appreciative male laugh. He closed his eyes and groaned.

"Liam!" Cordy yelled.

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Part Two

"You are William, right?" Xander held his breath, hoping this was one of Spike's little jokes, the kind that made the Scoobies want to smack him.

"I'm afraid so," William cast about looking for his duster. Xander found it and pulled out the glasses' case, handing it to the nearsighted demon.

William slipped on the wire rims and smiled apologetically.

Xander dropped into a chair, rubbing his temples before taking a deep breath, "What do you remember?"

"We were at the hotel, you told me I was a vampire," William hesitated briefly and dropped his eyes, "You kissed me and then I went to sleep." William bit at his lip. "I dreamed we argued and something about Anya and relationships." He frowned deeply, "It's all very disjointed."

"That's what happened with Spike!" Xander exclaimed. "So this time you can remember some of Spike's life but the question is, why are you back?"

"I don't know, although it doesn't really feel as if I've been gone, if you see what I mean." William offered wiggling into a sitting position on the couch. He was still cocooned and was having some trouble unwrapping himself from the blankets.

Xander smiled at the vampire fondly and together they managed to free up William's hands. He met Xander's amused gaze with a roll of his eyes and a bashful grin.

"I'm sometimes rather uncoordinated," William, murmured so quietly that Xander almost didn't hear him.

"I didn't notice," Xander shrugged. William raised one eyebrow looking for a split second exactly like Spike and snorted, albeit politely.

"So, I better get Wesley on the phone and see if he knows what happened here." Xander reached over and grabbed the phone, hitting speed dial. "I wonder if this means that Liam's back?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

'Slap!' "What did I say about the hands? The hands don't wander or the hands will be hurt along with the face and the rest of the body." (You jerk was left off the end of the sentence but implicitly understood by both parties.)

"Ah lass, you were definitely much more fun the last time," Liam pouted briefly before returning to his habitual grin, "But I forgive ya."

"Be still my beating heart," Cordy returned flatly. "Where is Wesley!"

"Oh I'm sure he and his paramour will be along soon enough," Liam stretched like big old Tomcat in the sun. Not literally of course, Cordy had to show him what would happen if he wandered into the daylight. Although, she had noted, the effects were not as immediate nor as pronounced, more like a mild sunburn and a reported feeling of ants crawling all over his body. Cordy felt a bit of a rise in body temperature herself with the thought of crawling all over Liam's body running about in her head. She mentally slapped her face and tried to keep on topic.

"Paramour? What's that supposed to mean?" Cordy snapped.

Liam merely smiled. Cordy glared at him wishing she could take him down a peg or two the smug jerk but as she was working up to a really scathing reply she was interrupted.

"Excuse me you, young woman, I would like to speak to the Owner immediately," a short, round apparition in a Donna Karan suit and Hermes scarf announced irritably.

Cordelia Chase took one look, calculated the total cost of the wardrobe with Coach purse and matching shoes at something approaching $1000 and put on her most professional smile meanwhile cursing whoever oversaw such things that they would send Angel Investigations such an obviously rich client at a time like this. Before she came up with a suitably impressive evasion Liam slipped to his feet and stepped forward.

"I am the Owner of Angel Investigations Madam (he pronounced 'Madam' with a decidedly Continental flourish, Cordelia could almost see the woman beginning to thaw). " Liam Ni Chonchuir at your service and you would be?" He leaned forward in the slightest bow, taking the woman's hand with a devilish smile. The woman melted a little more and a tiny smile
appeared just at the corner of her mouth.

"Mrs. Douglas Simpson Hancock, Mr. Ni?" She hesitated over the pronunciation.

Cordy gasped silently, oh my God, this woman sat on the board of virtually every charity in the basin, her first husband had left her as rich as Croseus; her second left her even richer. If they screwed this up they'd never get another decent client in this town again. Cordy cast an accusing look skyward, "What did I ever do to you?'

"Please call me Liam, Mrs. Hancock." She simpered, damn if she didn't, Cordy fumed and tried to regain control of the situation.

"What brings you to Angel Investigations Mrs. Hancock?" Cordy asked politely while trying to maneuver Liam out of the way. This was made almost impossible by the fact that he had yet to let go of Mrs. Hancock's hand and she didn't look like she'd be asking for it back anytime soon either.

"Now Cordelia, let's not pester the poor woman right away with questions. Please come this way to my office and have a seat while Cordelia fixes us a nice of cup of tea. Cordy?" Liam smiled expectantly.

"Milk, no sugar please," Mrs. Hancock murmured without removing her eyes from Liam.

"I'll have a lump or two in mine if you please. I've a bit of a sweet tooth," He confessed with a purr. Mrs. Hancock giggled.

Cordy glared at the retreating pair's back, "Oh I'll give you a lump or two Mister, just you wait!" She stomped into the kitchen in high dudgeon.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

"I should probably tell the rest of the gang as well," Xander tapped his fingers impatiently waiting for Wes to pickup but all he got was the answering machine.

"No, you can't do that," William exclaimed, shaking his head. Xander blinked, huh?

"Why not, Giles knows loads of stuff about spells and Tara and Willow together are like amazing witches plus there's Anya, a nine hundred year old vengeance demon is bound to have picked up some info on reversal spells."

William stared at Xander in complete gob smacked amazement, and the teen belatedly realized what he'd said. Xander winced, "Little too much info too fast, right? So, why don't you want me to tell the gang?"

William nodded slowly before taking a deep breath and reorganizing his thoughts. "Well you told me that I'm, well that is to say Spike, is a dangerous badass was, I believe, the term you used."

Xander agreed, "Yeah, so?"

"Well can you imagine what they would think if they found out that Spike had been me? I mean, Xander, look at me, I hardly strike terror into the hearts of mortals." William laughed self deprecatingly.

Xander stared at the blonde, still semi wrapped in his blankets and tousled and had to agree that terror was not the first emotion he felt looking at him. William caught his gaze and they shared a smile.

"Well okay, you have a point and you're right, Spike would be mortified if the gang laughed at him. He hates it if we don't take him seriously." Xander gave the blonde an uncomfortable look. "We do kinda insult him a lot."

"Well, if he didn't have the chip he would have tried to eat you, socially unacceptable I assure you, so you can be accorded some leeway." William soothed.

"Yeah, I guess we, hey wait a minute, how did you know about the chip?" Xander sat up a little straighter.

William looked confused, "I don't know, I simply did, how odd."

"And come to think of it, are you hungry at all?" Xander watched the blonde closely.

William looked thoughtful and than shook his head, "No, not really. I certainly don't want any blood." He looked distinctly queasy at the thought. 

"How about some eggs instead?" Xander laughed. "And maybe a little blood in your coffee? Don't want you getting sick." William wrinkled his nose but than shrugged his shoulders in agreement.

Xander watched the blonde awkwardly hop into the bathroom in his blanket. He stifled a giggle, William looked like he was involved in a potato sack race. Spike wouldn't be caught dead or un-alive or whatever in such a position. Xander frowned deep in thought before a sunny smile lit his face at the idea of an early morning Spike. The vampire might look more sexily rumpled than cutely tousled but the effect, Xander acknowledged ruefully would be the same; walking sex. Hoo boy, eggs, Xanman, eggs and bacon and hash browns and don't think about it.

William reappeared dressed in the clothes he was wearing the day before, hair neatly combed, face shiny and clean, glasses in place. He didn't look a thing like Spike.

"Look about this not wanting to tell the rest of the gang about you being you, we've got a problem." William unfolded his napkin and placed it neatly in his lap.

"What's that? You think they'll notice?" William asked while carefully cutting his eggs into neat little squares.

"That's a big ten four boss," Xander watched the blonde daintily bite into a strip of bacon.

"Well, what should we do?" William tasted the blood-spiked coffee, raised an eyebrow at the taste before neatly measuring out a precise spoonful of sugar and adding it to the cup.

"First thing after breakfast, I'm gonna try and get a hold of Wes again and then my friend, we're gonna try and teach you how to channel your inner vampire." Xander nodded decisively.

William looked a bit doubtful but Xander thumped him on the arm in friendly camaraderie, "Hey, could be worse, we could be the ones dealing with the return of Liam the Gigolo." The two men burst out laughing. "Ah man, I'd hate to be in their shoes right now, God knows what Hell he's putting them through," Xander finished worriedly.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Wes and Gunn made their way to the hotel at their best speed. The arrived prepared for the trouble, what they found confirmed their worst fears.

"Don't you worry about a thing Dodi. My team will take care of that nasty old bogie in your wine cellar first thing." Liam was leading an older well-dressed woman to the lobby door as they arrived as Cordy stood by in mute worry. Good Lord, it was worse than they thought.

"Oh Liam, you don't know how much you've set my mind at ease. No one understood how distressing this was until I was able to talk to you. I can't thank you enough." She simpered.

"Ah and we can't have that can we Dodi? A woman such as yourself has far too many responsibilities and not enough help, I'm sure. You just let me and mine take care of this little problem for ya, hmmm?" He brought her hand to his lips, ghosting a kiss along her knuckles.

The men watched in amazement as the obvious society matron giggled like a schoolgirl and swatted the big vampire.

"Oh Liam you're a tease! Now don't forget, I'll be expecting you at five o'clock sharp?" She gave him an airy wave goodbye.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," Liam blew her a kiss as she left before turning to the staring men. "Best be closing those mouths, wouldn't want to let the flies in and I know you've plenty to say my sweet but first." He tutted at Cordelia as he laughed, making his way to the office returning shortly with a bottle of whiskey and four glasses.

"A toast to celebrate."

Cordy could contain herself no longer. "What the Hell was that? Do you know who that was? You could have ruined us in this town Mister! You're not Angel, you aren't our boss, you can't make decisions and as for ordering me around well let me tell you...." Cordy broke off. "What's that?"

Liam had calmly continued pouring the drinks and handing them out to the two still silent men while Cordy shouted. He had now rendered her effectively silent by waving a small piece of paper in the air.

"I believe it's a check, a retainer." Liam sipped at his whiskey and gave a sigh of contentment.

Cordy grabbed the check out of his hand, stared at it dumbly for a moment before dropping into a chair and absently taking the proffered drink and knocking back the entire shot.

She wordlessly handed the check to Wesley and sat shaking her head.

Wes and Gunn stared at the amount on the check, looked at each other and than they too knocked back their shots. Liam looked on in disapproval. "This is sipping whiskey, really gentlemen."

"He got a retainer, he got a retainer," Cordy stared up at Wes and Gunn with an almost teary eyed look in her eyes. "I can't believe it."

"Are you sure we have to fix this?" Cordy asked dabbing at her eyes.

"Cordelia!" Wesley exclaimed.

"I know, I didn't mean it. I don't know what came over me, of course we have to get Angel back." Cordy reached for the check again staring at it with reverence. She stood, "If you'll excuse me, I'll just go and put this somewhere safe." She stopped briefly and gave Liam a look almost of respect, "You're still a schmuck, but I want you to know, I'll never forget
this."

Liam watched her leave, a relaxed grin on his face before turning to Wes and Gunn and asking, "I think I've got a real chance with her now." He propped his feet up on the coffee table and continued sipping his whiskey.

Wes sighed.

.....................................................................................................................................................................................................

Part Three

"First thing ya gotta do is lose the glasses," Xander carefully pulled the wire rims off William who now stood squinting at the youth in front of him.

"I can't see very well," William said worriedly. He was dressed in a pair of Xander's sweat pants and an old t-shirt; the training uniform of a soon to be badass.

"Don't worry about a it, Clint Eastwood made a fortune using that exact same squint, it screams 'don't mess with me or I will kick your butt.' And don't forget you don't need to be perfect, you just need enough of the old razzle dazzle to impress, keep the gang from figuring out Spike has left the building."

Xander too was dressed in sweats and a tee in preparation for William's training. Now, Xander wasn't very good at fighting but he was good at misdirection and had a natural aptitude for acting. He also was a keen observer, a good survival trait for someone Hellmouth born and bred, so he figured he was the perfect choice to teach William how to move like Spike. Actually when he'd sat down and thought about it, he spent a lot of time observing Spike, far more than he was comfortable with, bordering on stalking really. Oh well, on with the show.

"Okay first thing, the walk." Xander waved him forward. William hesitated briefly before striding purposefully across the room a jaunty bounce to his step before turning to peer nearsightedly at the Scoobie.

Xander winced before stepping forward, "No bouncing, Spike doesn't bounce unless he's in the midst of a fight, then he's Tigger on speed but usually, no bouncing." William nodded.

"Spike does the whole alley cat saunter." Xander slunk across the room, William felt his breath hitch; Xander stopped at his recliner, dropping into the chair, draping one arm artistically over the back, one leg propped on the arm, narrowed his eyes and sneered. William felt his heart flutter at the sexy look.

Xander returned hopping to his feet and grinned. "See what I mean, you gotta get in zone. Spike isn't just a person, he's a mindset."

William nodded seriously, "A mindset, yes." Xander clapped him on the shoulder.

"All right soldier, show me what you got!" Xander barked.

William sauntered across the room, did pretty well too until he stumbled over the rug edge and landing face down on the couch.

Xander sighed, "We have our work cut out for us." 

Two hours later Xander held up a hand to call a halt to the proceedings. "We've done incredibly  - okay but I think that our best bet is to stay out of everybody's way."

"I'm sorry Xander," William slumped in a dejected heap on the edge of the couch. "I'm hopeless aren't I?"

Xander plopped down next to the blonde and threw an arm across his shoulder in commiseration. "Naw, really you did okay. I mean, come on, Spike's had a hundred years to get this all down and from a distance," Xander trailed off.

"From a distance I look like a silly twit," William finished for him.

"No you don't and what's that in Spike speak?" Xander admonished.

"A right bloody tosser," William growled in a passable imitation of Spike's accent.

Xander gave him the thumbs up sign. "Just call me Henry Higgins."  William laughed and Xander stared entranced at the crinkled eyes and wide grin.

"I'm going to try Wes and Cordy again then we'll get some pizza and with any luck," the phone rang, interrupting him.

"Hello?"

"Xander, where have you been? I've been trying to get hold of Angel or someone in Los Angeles all day. I keep getting that awful answering machine. Finally I decided to try you and imagine my surprise to find you home. Why haven't you and Spike reported in?" Giles stirred his tea furiously.

"Ah well, about that. Why didn't I report in right away?" Xander tapped his chin thoughtfully while throwing a desperate look at William. The vampire blinked like a deer in the headlights.

"Yes?" Giles prompted dryly.

William dashed off a quick note, shoving it in front the stammering youth.

"It's complicated?" Xander questioned reading the note. Giles frowned forbiddingly at the receiver in his hand.

"I see, well why don't you come to the shop and explain it to me, bring Spike. You can also explain why I can't get in touch with anyone from the hotel." Giles said with false bonhomie.

"You want us to come down there and explain?" William's shoulders slumped.

"Is there a problem?" Giles asked ominously.

"No, no problem. We'll be down there real soon, real soon." Xander sighed in defeat.

"Excellent." Giles hung up.

William looked miserable, "Wonderful, now I get to make a complete fool of myself in front of someone Spike admires."

"Spike admires Giles?" Xander stared at the blonde. "How do you know that?"

William frowned in confusion before shrugging. "Actually, I think he, er, really rather likes all of you."

"In the 'tasty snack category' or the 'harass them until they want to stake me' category?" Xander asked with eyebrows raised to his hairline.

"The latter," William smiled.

"Sounds like Spike's coming back bit by bit," Xander ventured hopefully.

"I believe you may be right." William stood with sudden determination, reaching for his duster. "Once more into the breach eh?"

"Hey that's from that movie," Xander grabbed his jacket.

"Er, yes among other things," William gave the Scoobie an odd look.

Xander didn't notice being too busy loading up on stakes, Holy Water and crosses.

"Right, ready?"  Xander headed for the door. William hesitated and Xander came over and gave the vampire a soft peck on the cheek. The blonde's eyes lit up.

"Remember, you are a bad ass vampire, the terror of Sunnydale; demons weep and grown men faint at the mere mention of your name." William couldn't help it he burst out laughing.

"I'll keep it in mind," William snorted, pocketing his glasses. William gave the young man a gentle smile and Xander sighed, now why couldn't Spike act more like William, at least some of the time? And what was going on in L.A., where were Angel and his crew?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"What are we gonna do man?" Gunn asked morosely. He, Wes and Cordy were in a quandary. They had a paying client, the first one in weeks; half up front and a commitment to be at the lady's mansion that evening and they still weren't sure what they'd be up against because Liam hadn't really been paying all that much attention. All he could tell them was that it was some sort of bogie and not to worry.

"Perhaps we should go alone, leave Liam here while we check it out." Wes ventured, Cordy turned and glared.

"We can't do that Wes. 'Dodie'", she said making the quotation marks, "would be very disappointed if we didn't show up with Mr. Lounge Lizard over there." She jerked her thumb towards the blissfully uncaring vampire stretched out on the lobby couch with a drink balanced on his chest.

He and Cordy had all ready wrestled over the bottle with the feisty young woman having apparently easily won hands down. Liam had only laughed and tried to steal a kiss.

"I don't see what the problem is. It's just a little Pelgar demon or two having a bit of fun with the lady of the house. We'll shoo them out the door, pick up the rest of our fee and then go out and celebrate." Liam yawned.

"Wait a moment, how do you know it's a Pelgar demon? How do you know that now? Good Lord," Wes rushed forward grabbing Liam by the shoulders, "Angel, Angel are you in there, can you hear me?" Wesley shouted.

"Are ye daft man, let go and mind the whiskey," Liam brushed irritably at Wes's hands while trying to balance his drink.

Gunn tried to draw his excited friend away. "C'mon Wes, just calm down."

"No don't you see, Angel must be coming back," Wes gave his friend a wild-eyed stare.

"Wes, you're scaring me," Gunn carefully pulled the ex-Watcher away.

"Look you guys need to focus," Cordy slammed her hand on the table to get the mens' attention. "We have a paying client that expects to see us in less than two hours. I'm happy Angel's coming back. I'm happy we know what were up against and hopefully it's not too icky but please, let's get our priorities straight."

"And those would be?" Wesley asked dryly with a raised eyebrow.

"Getting Angel back and getting the cash," Cordy snapped back, "Not necessarily in that order."

"Here, here sounds like a fine plan, who'll drink to it with me?" Liam cheered.

Cordelia rolled her eyes.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"And how was Angel Spike?" Xander asked.

"Bloody pouf?" William answered.

"Good, good answer. Another one would have been 'Peaches, broody as usual'" Xander explained. They'd been using the walk to go over Spikism's. Xander was hoping that they could simply get in and out of the shop; also that they would only have Giles and possibly Anya to deal with.

"Shoot!" Xander exclaimed stopping abruptly.

"What is it?" William glanced around worriedly.

"Cigarettes," Xander slapped his forehead. "We forgot to practice smoking."

"Man I can't believe it; smoking and Spike is like ham and cheese, chaos and theory, you can't have one without the other." Xander shook his head is disgust. "Pull one out and we'll give it a try."

William patted through the pockets of the duster before pulling out a pack and the lighter. He lit a cigarette, took a deep drag and bent over hacking. Xander stared at the vampire in confusion while carefully pounding him on the back.

"Why are you coughing, you don't breathe," Xander asked, bent over and still pounding the wildly coughing vampire on the back.

"Oh, right, William gasped, "Sorry."

"It's okay, maybe we can get away with no smoking," Xander said consolingly.

"That's the only thing you're gonna get away with kid," a nasty sounding voice snarled far too close for comfort.

Xander and William slowly lifted their heads to see themselves surrounded by four vamps on the prowl.

"Oh oh," Xander whispered.

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................

Part Four

"Liam, would you hurry up, we're going to be late!" Cordy yelled up the stairs for the third time. Wes, who'd felt a headache developing all day, winced and gave Gunn a pitifully thankful smile when handed aspirin and a glass of water.

"Cordelia, please," Wes admonished, flipping through yet another book on reversal spells. He'd all ready looked up Pelgar demons and confirmed that Liam was correct; they were mischievous demons, relatively harmless unless provoked and they could be induced to leave with a simple dispersal spell, however, the trick was catching them all together since as long as one Pelgar remained the others would simply return. They were very social demons.

"Charles, would you please get up there and find out what's taking him so long?" Cordy asked ignoring Wes.

"Why do I have to go?" Gunn whined.

"Because Wes is busy and I don't think it's a good idea for me to go upstairs and try to get him out of the bedroom do you?" Cordelia's voice had steadily risen during her explanation and ended on a disturbingly high note.

Wes and Gunn winced, both sparing a quick glance for the water glass in case it decided to shatter under the strain.

"She does have a point Charles," Wes tried to smooth the waters. Gunn's head flopped back and he pouted before getting to his feet and stomping up the stairs, grumbling all the way.

Cordy gave a heavy theatrical sigh before beginning to pace interspersed with pointed looks at her watch. Wesley tried to ignore her.

It couldn't have been more than five minutes although Cordy was this close to saying 'to Hell with it' and braving the lion's den herself, when they heard a "Hey man, watch your hands," and a flustered Gunn came down the stairs post haste, a lazily smiling Liam dressed in black slacks and a white silk shirt, ambling along behind.

Wes had jumped to his feet at the cry, "What happened?" Cordy however, had only raised her eyebrows and thrown up her hands. They would never get there at this rate.

"He, he, I, he," Gunn stammered unintelligibly, pointing to the innocently blinking vampire who was making a beeline for the whiskey bottle. He was neatly intercepted by Cordy who swiped the bottle out of harms way, just in time. Liam pouted before throwing her a kiss. Cordy gritted her teeth.

"Charles?" Wes was now alarmed, never having seen his friend this flustered. In fact the mere thought of a flustered Gunn was unnerving in and of itself.

"He put his hand on my ass and not in a 'hey good game' kind of way. I am not that kind of man." Gunn declared righteously.

Wes' mouth dropped open in shock before snapping closed in outrage. He stepped forward smartly, drawing his handkerchief from his pocket before using it to slap Liam across the face.

"You sir, are no gentleman," Wes declared prepared to engage in fisticuffs oh behalf of his friend.

Liam only burst out laughing, "And what would have been your first clue boyo?"

"Boys!" Cordy interrupted pointing to her watch, "Save it for later, time is money, let's go."

She turned a narrow eyed glare at the vampire, "I will be watching you Mister, behave!" She shook her finger at him for emphasis.

He reached out, snagging the digit before drawing it to his mouth and nipping the end, "For you lass, anything." Cordy's eyes glazed briefly before she shook it off and snarled.

"Gunn, you're driving." The gang stalked out no one noticing the red light on the answering machine blinking frantically.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 
William glanced at the demonic aspects of the four vampires surrounding them and swallowed hard. He risked a quick glance at a worried Xander and resolved not to let him down. After all from what he'd been told, four vampires were hardly a warm up for Spike.

Xander felt his stomach flip; four vamps, oh man, help?

William straightened, remembering at the last minute to slouch a little. He took a much smaller puff of the cigarette still in his hand, stifling a cough, before sneering, "Wot do you lot want?"

Xander stood tall next to William, stake in hand. "Yeah SPIKE," he emphasized the name loudly, "what to you think these morons want? They'd be idiots to take on SPIKE, WILLIAM THE BLOODY, all on their own. Why SPIKE, would make mincemeat out of them."

The vampires looked unimpressed.

"Right than, who's first?" William put his fists up. Xander stifled a groan and got ready to meet the attack. William apparently had other ideas; he launched himself forward with a wild cry spinning, kicking and punching like a cocker spaniel on speed. Xander stood back and stared along with one of the other vampires. It looked damned impressive the problem was a lot of the punches and kicks weren't connecting but that fact wasn't slowing William down any.

Xander and the vampire standing next to him shared a look. Xander gave a pained smile and shrugged. The vampire lunged, Xander defended and they both hit the dirt rolling and punching. The vampire let out a pained yowl and looked mortally offended when Xander bit him on the arm.

"Hey!" The vampire snarled.

"Pshaw, phthpt, ick!" Xander spit.

"That's it," the vampire lunged for Xander's neck but before he could make and hor d'ouevre out of the plucky Scoobie he went 'phftt' in a shower of dust and Xander found himself never so happy to see the Slayer in all his life.

"Buffy!" Xander crowed as the slender young woman reached downed and pulled him upright with ease.

"Hey Xander, how's it going?" Buffy asked amicably. "Didn't know you guys were back yet. How's the LA gang?" Buffy chatted before stopping with a frown. Xander noted she was watching Spike fight the other three vampires. Xander was ecstatic to see the blonde still in the land of the unliving. He'd managed to completely bewilder the other vamps with his fighting style.

Buffy cocked her head to the side. "What's Spike doing?" She smiled suddenly, "Hey is that the drunken master style of fighting? I saw it on a Jackie Chan movie once." She observed the foursome for a few seconds more, "It doesn't seem very lethal huh?"

"Ah, well, he's toying with them," Xander improvised. William hit the ground, unable to dodge a swift kick to the mid section. "Ah, and the laying on the ground gasping for breath is a clever ploy than?" Buffy looked unconvinced.

"He's just getting his second wind," Xander winced, willing the vampire to get up. The three vamps he'd been fighting started to move forward warily, apparently unsure whether this was a trick or not.

"That would make sense if he needed to breath." Buffy answered observing the blonde sit up and carefully brush off his clothes before attempting to stand. "That's not Spike."

"What do you mean, sure it is." Xander nodded vigorously.

Buffy cocked an eyebrow at the agitated youth and Xander's shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Okay, let me take care of these guys and then you can explain what happened," Buffy sighed moving forward only to be stopped by Xander's hand on her arm.

"You can't Buffy, the guy would be so embarrassed." Xander begged the clearly reluctant Slayer.

Meanwhile William had made it to his feet and managed to stake one of his opponents. Actually the vamp had tripped into a tree limb but nonetheless he was down to two. They did not take the loss of their friend gracefully and William was treated to a succession of nasty rabbit punches to the kidneys. Even Buffy winced and Xander just wanted to tear into them but the
thought of William's face if he were found out to be a fake in the eyes of the Slayer stopped him.

"Oh Xander, please, this is just painful, let me," Buffy gestured at the threesome.

"No Buff, it's a guy thing," Xander interrupted. She rolled her eyes heavenward in supplication.

"Hey Buff, Xander why are we letting Spike get pummeled?" Willow and Tara arrived and Xander groaned, "Great."

"Apparently it's a 'guy thing'," Buffy answered dryly while all three women shared a look.

"Um, that's not actually Spike, at least not completely." Tara ventured.

"Hey sweetie you're right, his aura's all wrong." Willow agreed giving her honey a squeeze.

"Oh hey look see, he managed to set one on fire," Xander said proudly as they jumped out of the way of the flaming vampire stumbling towards them before it went 'poof'.

"I'll give you that, creative lighter usage," Buffy shrugged.

They watched William deliver a rapid flurry of punches to the remaining vampire before it decided that retreat was the better part of valor. Unfortunately it turned and ran right into the stake Xander was still holding in his hand.

"Oh fu...," it managed before disappearing in a cloud of dust.

William weaved drunkenly over to the gang of Scoobies. "Hello," he managed politely before falling over. Xander grabbed him before he hit the ground and with Buffy on one side and Xander on the other they dragged the beaten vamp over to a gravestone, propping him upright.

William smiled wanly before catching Xander's eye and turning it into a scowl. "Right, what are you lot doing 'ere?" He snapped.

Buffy opened her mouth but Xander gave her a pleading look and managed to incorporate Willow and Tara into the look. "Please," he mouthed over the vampire's head.

"Patrol Fangless," Buffy snapped.

"Yeah and we're on the way to the magic shop Spike." Willow said very slowly and clearly as if speaking to a five year old. Xander rubbed at his temples, he felt a headache coming on.

"That was really vicious Spike," Tara added softly.

"Oh do you think so?" William brightened considerably before remembering who he was supposed to be and sneering. "Well, they don't call me William the Bloody for nothing."

Buffy gave them all a 'why me' look before stating, "Riiight. We'll meet you over at the magic shop Xander, Spike."  Tara and Willow waved good-bye and William stood politely as the women left.

"Well, I think that went rather well. I don't believe they suspected a thing?" William held still as Xander carefully cleaned some of the cuts and bruises with his handkerchief and bottled water from the bag.

"You the man," Xander agreed smiling fondly at the happy vampire. William was a sweetie but boy oh boy they definitely needed old Spike back soon.

"I think I see what you mean about being in the 'zone'. I don't think those blighters knew what they were getting into when they attacked us." William bounced. "And you were absolutely brilliant, very calm and collected, simply standing, waiting for that hooligan to impale himself, brilliant."

"Well, when you've been fighting evil as long as I have, you learn a trick of two," Xander answered modestly.

"Yeah right Harris," William answered with a growl and a laugh and a sudden flash of fang.

Xander blinked, "Spike?" Xander searched the other man's eyes.

"Pardon?" William blinked back in confusion.

"Never mind," Xander sighed turning to head towards the shop, missing the smile that flitted across the vampire's face.

...............................................................................................................................................................................................................

Part Five