Danielle

Below was wrote by Danielle, granddaughter.

"May the road rise to meet you, may the wind always be at your back, the sun shine warm on your face, the rainfall soft upon your fields. May God hold you in the palm of his hands until we meet again." Nanny was a very special person that touched us all in many ways. She was somone no one could hate and could always be loved. Maybe it was because she never judged us maybe it was because she was always there to listen to our problems and help us figure them out. Maybe because she was just there to talk. Maybe it was because she never turned anyone away from her door. Maybe it was because she always gave and gave and did for everyone else without asking anything in return, whatever it was it is a quality that I, nor anyone else will ever forget. Something was special about her. She is unforgettable, and always will be. This summer, I remember staying with her. My parents told me to spend as much time with her as I possibly could. I didn’t and I now regret it. I feel so bad that I didn’t spend more time with her. Now looking back I would do almost anything to see her again. This is the one time when I will actually admit to my mom and dad that they were right. There are so many memories of her that I don’t know where to begin. One thing I will never forget is the way she smelled, she had that perfume that had her own smell. I can’t believe she is really gone. I never thought she would go. I always thought she’d alteast be here to see me graduate, which is only a few months away now. I thought she’d be able to dance at Becky’s wedding. I thought she would see Latica and Donald graduate. I thought she’d see Darren and Heidi’s baby be born. I thought she’d see Billy on his first day of Kindergarten. I thought she’d see Brianna and Dakota talk to everyone. I though she’d see us all doing what she should have been able to see. She can. The only problem is that we can’t see her seeing us doing all of these things. But we all know that she will be there during all of them. I can still remember when I first heard she was gone. At first I didn’t believe it. I had convinced my self that it was impossible for her to die. Every time she went to the hospital, I was scared to death that she wasn’t going to make it. The time she got really bad...the last time. I thought she’d be fine. I was barely worried. Then while I was at Brittani’s house, the phone rang. It was my dad. He told me that Nanny had passed. I couldn’t believe it. I know you hear this all the time and it’s supposed to be like a figure of speech, but it really did feel like the room was spinning. I don’t remember anything else I said to my dad. I sat on the couch and spaced out, thinking about all my memories of Nanny. How could they just be cut off like that? How could she be with us one second and the next not? I didn’t cry, I don’t think I even realized it except for on a deeper level, that made me think about her. A few summers back Nanny was scheduled for a doctor’s appointment in Oklahoma City. Susan and I were going with her. The day before I asked Nanny if I could paint her nails. She agreed and chose a hot pink color. I set down and began to work as we talked. After I was done with the first foot the phone rang. It was her doctor and she had to check her pills for something. While I was waiting for her to finish her conversation with her doctor, Laticia walked inthe door. We talked for a little while, and Nanny’s toenails were forgotten as the 3 of us walked into the living room to talk. Susan came in and sat with us. After Laticia went home, everyone went to bed. The next morning Nanny woke us up to get ready. When we were done, we went out and sat in Nanny’s Cadillac. We slept most of the way up there. After Nanny got out of the doctor’s office, she had a funny look on her face, but no one said anything about it. We climbed back into the car, and sat down. Nanny turned around, and smiled and said, "Danielle, you forgot to paint my other foot!" She had such a big grin on her face that me and Susan couldn’t help but laugh. After wards we went and ate at the Cattlemen’s resturaunt. The most I have ever heard Nanny laugh was this summer. Nanny was sitting at the end of her table, Becky was sittin next to Nanny in the chair next to the dryer and washer, Laticia next, I was in Pa’s chair, Karen was next to me, then my mom, Patti was on the other side of Nanny. Susan was sitting in the corner of the cabinet. Nanny had asked Laticia to make her some guacamole, which I think is completely disgusting. Well Laticia discovered my dislike of guacamole and got a big chunk of it on her spoon and began chasing me around the house with it. By the time Laticia was tired of chasing me Nanny was still laughing. I will never forget the look on her face that day. Becky and I have claimed the movie Dr. Dolittle as ours, which most of the family knows. Well this summer and last we quoted lines from there all the time. Nanny always laughed at us. She also always saw our side of things. No matter what. She never even said anything about out "Do Ragz" A.K.A. bandanas. She didn’t mind, while all the other adults dispised them. I can’t remember being mad at her so much as even once. It was like she saw exactly why we wore them, and always had the best advice for us. She always was the most generous person I knew. Everytime I would ask her something like "Nanny do you care if I get a popsicle?", she would say "I don’t care, QUIT ASKING!! just get it." I knew she didn’t care, but I just thought I should ask. She would always smile as she said it. When Nanny first began to get bad, I was at school. They called over the innercom for me to go to the office. I went to the office and waited on the leather couch, I could see my mom and dad’s feet underneath the blinds over the glass door. I was worried that I was in trouble. I waited for atleast 30 minutes. My principal and them came out of the office, and my mom had a worried look on her face. I asked if I was in troble. They didn’t answer me but told me Nanny had gotten bad, and that we were going up there that night. By the time we had gotten there she was getting better and was sitting in her chair smoking a cigarette. She didn’t seem like herself. She seemed like a different person. We stayed the night and talked to her while eating cheese nips, her favorite cracker. In the morning since she seemed better we went home. Later that week we were told that Nanny was getting bad again. But I couldn’t go because I had a band trip to go on. So I stayed with one of my aunts. When the bus got back, which was about 1:00 I think, my aunt was waiting for me and told me that they had admitted Nanny to Baptist hospital. She took me to my house where my mom and dad were waiting. We then went up to the city to see Nanny. We went into Nanny’s room. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I started to cry. The nurse told me maybe I should leave if I had never been in an ICU room before. I didn’t say a word I just looked at her and turned away and walked to Nanny, while my mom insisted her leave me alone. I wanted to shake her and wake her up but all we could do was hold her hand. There were so many tubes going into her tiny weak body that I didn’t even bother to counth them. I kept praying that she would be alright, and that she would get better. But still...nothing. Finally I could’nt take it anymore, I had to leave. So without telling my mom where I was going or what I was doing I left the room and left the ICU to walk to a window. I stared out at the city. It seemed so dull compared to what it usually did. about five minutes later, my mom and aunt Marcia walked out and saw me by the window. We walked back to the waiting room so that the rest of the family could have some time with her. While we were gone, my aunt Karen and her family had arrived. I hadn’t seen them in a while. I sat in a chair next to Becky and waited. We talked a little but things were still really weird. We stayed the night in the motel, and came back early the next morning. Me and Becky were in the ICU room together with Nanny. She was talking to Nanny. I had things to say too, but I couldn’t seem to say any of them. I kept thinking, " This is Nanny, the only Nanny you’ll ever have and you still can’t say anything ?" It just didn’t make any sense, and I started wondering what it was like to be in a coma...what it felt like, if she could hear anything anyone said. It all seem so real and so fake all at the same time. Then I got to where I couldn’t watch anymore and left the room again and went to the same place. This time it was daytime and it was taking everything I could to keep from crying again. I heard someone call my name, I turned around and it was Becky. She hugged me and told me Nanny was going to be alright, and that’s when I really started to bawl. What if she wasn’t alright? What would everyone do? We walked back to the waiting room, just in time to hear some doctor act like he knew Nanny and to seem like telling us what to do. Later that day we all tried to decide who was staying with her that night. My mom and dad took me home so I could go to school the next day, and then went back as soon as I was dropped off. We went home and I went to school and things felt normal. A few days or so later, my mom and dad were going to the city, I told them I didn’t want to go, which I now regret. They got to talk to Nanny, and she was alright. That day or a few days later, she got to go home again. She was doing fine and I talked to her one the phone for the last time on I think Thursday. We didn’t talk very long though. Then on Saturday I think it was, she got bad again. She was put in the Marrietta hospital, and I went up there one last time. When we got there she was unconcious again. I kept wondering what had gone wrong. Why was she bad again. I just talked to her the other day. We stayed there the whole day and at about 10:30, Me, Susan and Becky went to their house to sleep becasue I was tired, and Becky had school the next day and Susan had work. While my mom and dad stayed up there that night. The next day Becky skipped school, and we went up to the hospital to stay with Nanny while everyone else slept. She could see us but didn’t really talk. I didn’t understand how she kept going back and forth from talking, the day before she had talked quite a bit. She was laughing and everything. She even yelled, and laughed because of it. After about 2 hours, the adults got back and me and Becky went and got something to eat at Carl’s Junior. We then went home to sleep some more, but my mom and dad stopped us on the road and had me come with them. When we got to the hospital, we talked to Nanny some. Then at noon Becky and Laticia and Donald came up to the hospital from school. I went with them to eat at some resturaunt where I ordered nachos. We went back to the hospital and said our goodbyes. I didn’t know it was the last time I was going to get to see Nanny. I thought I was going to cry as I left, but I still didn’t think it would be the last time I would get to see her. I told her, "Nanny, I’m gona go now, but I’ll be back in a few days, see ya later, I love you, bye." Then I kissed her on the forhead and left. My parents went back up there a and went back that same day, while I stayed with my aunt again, so I wouldn’t miss any more school, because I was already behind. My parents came home that night and were really upset. We couldn’t go up there again, was what we were told by the hospital. I was so confused, I wondered what had happend and why I couldn’t see my Nanny. A few days later I while staying with Britt, I found out she had passed. "Why could I not be there during these last few days?", I kept wondering. That night, Brittani stayed with me, and it was a big help to have a friend with me that I could talk to about Nanny. Monday night we went up to Marrietta to see Nanny in her casket. We didn’t get to stay for very long. I didn’t really even have the chance to say goodbye. I ran out and sat in the pickup for a long time. Later we went up to Heidi and Darren’s apartment in Gainesville. After a while we went and rented a motel to stay in for the night. The next morning, when I woke up we got dressed and waited in the cemetary. It felt so weird to not go to your own grandmother’s funeral. I never would have thought it would have ended like that. When everyone arrived we still waited but got out to talk to Marcia. We waited until everyone else to look at Nanny one last time. After the service, we were told we couldn’t look in the casket. I still had no clue why everyone was fighting. It was crazy at NANNY’S FUNERAL. A funeral. It made no sense. Why were we fighting? Would Nanny have wanted this. Here it was a time to say goodbye to someone you love and we are fighting among one another. As everyone left they began to lower Nanny’s casket into the ground, I wish I wouldn’t have watched, but it caught my eye, and I couldn’t make myself look away. Finally it was time to leave and we went home. It felt like we were leaving her forever. I still haven’t seen her grave since that day. Nanny was a person no one will ever forget, she was the best Nanny, Momma, wife, and friend anyone could ask for. We will all miss her and we have to get on with her lives, so while we will always lover her and miss her, all we can do is let her go, even though she will always be with us, looking out for us. Some people refer to a death as losing someone. If you think about it, we didn’t really "LOSE" her, we know exactly where she is. She is now looking over all of us from heaven. She’s an angel in heaven as she was on earth. I will always love her and never forget my Nanny. She will carry a special place in all of our hearts forever.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints in out hearts and we are never the same."