This story is a ghost story about undying love, one that will not die...even in Death...
CHARACTERS INVOLVED:
ALEC SU (just for you, Ellena & Seri! *wink*)
VICKI ZHAO (for myself & Allyce, our fave actress *grin*)
NICKY WU (*Lo Lem*, happy now??) =D
CECILIA CHEUNG
LOUIS KOO (*Con Bo Xanh*, you can thank me now!!) =P
KRISTY YANG
JULIAN CHEUNG (for Abby *smile*)
After two years, Alec Su awakens from a coma to realize that everything in his life has been altered forever. Now living in a new city, new town and coping with a disability he never had before, Alec must embrace the truth: That nothing will ever be the same for him again.
After discovering the shocking, terrible truth that his fiancee, Vicki, and his brother Nicky have died in the fatal car accident that did not take his life but took instead his eyesight and his memory, he vows to return to find out the truth about what really happened upon that night.
Guided by his best friend, Cecilia, and accompanied by his friends Kristy and Louis, Alec returns to his home, to the house that had been sold by his family years ago after that fateful accident.
But this house, within these walls, brings Alec nothing but pain and sorrow for the lives snatched away by the cruel hands of Fate, the lives of Vicki and Nicky.
What happened truly upon that night two years ago?
When darkness approaches to sweep across the land and the white moon rises above the clouds, Alec Su will get his answer through a miracle from the girl he loved.
Not everything is as it seems.
Not all friends can be trusted.
Not every lie was meant to be exposed.
Not every romance is worth dying for.
** PROLOGUE: 2 YEARS BEFORE THE ACCIDENT **Upon a night of clear skies and a full moon,Vicki Zhao heard the sound of his voice calling her. It was a voice that she heard within her soul and creeping out of her home that night, she drove straight to the moors where she knew Alec Su would be waiting. At that moment, she needed his warmth and his comfort, needed his strength and his caresses upon her skin.
That night, her parents had an argument and bent on divorce, they had shouted those nasty words that would now still be imprinted in her mind. Though she had hidden herself away in her bedroom, the thin walls had echoed all of her parent's bitterness, all their resentment for haven not gotten out of a doomed marriage years before. Unable to sleep, haunted by her parents' resentment for one another, Vicki had waited and longed for him to beckon her forward.
Now, at the thick woods miles from the city, she moved quickly toward the dark branches that reached out to entrap her within their grasp. But Vicki was not afraid; fear never touched her when Alec was near. She kept on moving to try to lose herself in the woods where the pain could not find her, but some instinct guided her across the moor, though woods and water to the stone ledge and eventually, the stillness of the cave. She ducked beneath an overhang of rock and drew herself down into the cavern. At first, it was dark--too dark to see the rough walls, but then, Vicki caught sight of a flickering light from deep within.
Alec.
When he moved toward her, the silvery moonlight through the crumbled stones enwrapped him in a cape of woven light. His gentle features and his tender gaze was basked in the celestial glow and Vicki did not wait any further. She reached for him and he for her.
Painfully, the tears came, hot and furious tears of hurt, reject and betrayal. But she was not shamed to cry in front of Alec, as she had never been before. He would always understand. Vicki always considered herself to be a strong person, unbent in her inner strength and will power. But after these long months of coming home to a broken family, she could not handle it any more. She needed to get out, needed to forget. She clung onto his strong body, crying brokenly into his chest, her tears wetting the front of his shirt.
"I can't live with them," She cried between her wracking sobs. The words "them" slipped from her mouth, full of spite and spitting anger. "I think I'm going to go crazy! Papa is always drinking with his women and Momma is never satisfied with me, always wanting me to be the perfect daughter she never had. She wants me to go to Medical school, you know, so that the family name would not be tarnished. Like mother like daughter. But that's not what I want! Doesn't anyone care about what I want?"
And when she had thought she had cried a torrent of tears of self-pity, she ended up crying again when she thought about her life. Her miserable life full of anguish and loneliness. Flashes of her life ignited in her mind. An image of a mother scolding a little girl to take ballet classes, piano classes and violin classes. A father glaring at the little girl because she had done poorly on a spelling bee, then locking the child in the dark room in the basement for hours on end until the little girl had cried herself to sleep in the darkened corner of that secluded room. Both the mother and the father had never laid a hand on the little girl, but emotional scars were sometimes worse than the bledding, torn bruises by a physical hand.
Vicki was that little girl who was never abandoned or starved or beaten. Instead, in a much crueler state, she had not received any love. Her parents had never truly cared about her, about her as a person. She was always a little doll to them, to decorate and to mold and shape into what they wanted her to be. She had done everything for them, achieved the highest grades, the countless awards and the trophies. She was their object to show off in front of friends and relatives, a source of pride for their invaluable upbringing. And through it all, no one had asked whether or not Vicki was happy or satisfied with what should have been the innocence of childhood.
But she had enough...now that she was older, she realized just how much she needed to cut those puppet strings away and become her own person..especially now that she harbored a tainted secret of her own, there was all more the reason to run away, to hide from the sorrow, pain and the guilt....
"I'm sorry," Alec whispered in her ear, his voice strangled and full of sympathy. She knew that he wanted to understand her sorrow, though he would never fully realize the extent of her pain. "I'm so terribly sorry, Vicki..."
They knelt, trembling, sharing the pain beyond words until it burst within them like hot, searing stars, then faded as the stars fell to earth, chilled and dulled by their journey through the night. Slowly, Alec raised his head and their eyes met. They stared, frozen in a moment of waiting, of time within time, time without motion, time in a world that had nothing to do with reality or the pain of everyday life.
At last the pain began to ease as they looked into each other's eyes and saw the truth there. Alec released her, ran his hand up her slender arm, leaving a path of fire and ice behind. He wove his fingers in her long ebony hair and with both hands, raised it like a bolt of velvet to bury his face in the rippling strands. Vicki felt the heat in his touch, the yearning in his eyes. In all of the five years of steady dating, Alec had not taken her into his arms so intimately before. Though he had loved her in his passionate, subdued way, he had never wanted to possess her, to take her as his own. For that, Vicki loved him all the more for his patience and his compassion in their decision to wait. She had always wanted to wait until her marriage, to be able to wear white on her wedding day and have it mean something. But now, on this night of the full silver moon, on the night when her soul was feeling the most needing, the most bitterly afraid, Vicki could not draw away. She did not possess such courage. Such a splitting apart of her own soul was impossible in that moment.
"Vicki, I love you," Alec murmured softly, his face buried in her hair. "God, I love you...just let me love you...."
"I'm not worthy of your love," She breathed, her sobs subsiding into silent tears. Her head shook vehemently at him in denial, in shame. "Alec, I don't deserve you..."
"Shhh, don't cry," He told her softly, gently. "I'm here, I'm here..." Then he realized that within his arms, she was trembling violently, almost so that his body shook against hers. "Vicki, you're shaking. Why are you so afraid? Let me in, tell me what happened."
But no, she could never tell him the truth. Her Alec, the man she loved with all of her heart. He only knew so much, could only handle so much. Vicki's tears fell faster now, the tears blurring her vision so that his familiar face danced before her eyes, hazy and slicked with her tears.
Startled by her sorrow, Alec clung onto her tighter, pressing her body next to his until her heart was beating against his own in perfect meter. He breathed in the scent of her--of peat and flame and mist and lilacs--until it filled his lungs. Then, without a word, he brushed her cheeks with parted lips with care. Tenderly, his hands cupped her fragile face in his hands to pull her closer, so that their mouths met in a rush of heat that shocked them both with its intensity. Slowly, Alec's hands trailed over to her blouse, basked in silvery moonlight but he paused before he made the next move. Her body had stopped trembling and she lay so still, her eyes closed in surrender to him.
"Vicki..." He began haltingly, unsure of what she wanted him to do. "We can wait..."
But numbly, she choked on her tears and nodded her head quickly consent. She stretched out on the damp earth of the cavern while Alec kissed her forehead, her chin, her lips. His fingers ached to know every inch of her, every dip and curve of her supple body. She was beautiful, so fragile and so soft. Willing and lovely, allowing him to touch her in ways he had never done before.
Vicki felt the heat of his touch on her skin and in her blood, deep within her soul and her heart. She loved Alec; her body and soul was what she wanted to give to him. They had waited for so long, ached for so long just for this night. She wanted him with all of her heart, her mind, her soul. She wanted to reveal to him just how much she loved him. Alec, I want you so much, love you so much....But-----
"STOP!" Vicki's shrill scream vibrated through the cavern that was their secret haven away from reality. "Don't touch me!"
Her words shattered his dreams. Alec gaped at her, as though she had slapped him, his face turning crimson. His startled eyes bore into her frenzied ones, questioningly, heartbreakingly full of confusion and remorse for what he had tried to do.
With a broken cry, Vicki rose instantly to her feet and dashed out of the cavern, her tears flowing so furiously that she almost stumbled over the rocks upon the earth. She ran and ran until her heart felt it was about to burst, aimlessly fleeing from the sense of disgust and fear that would choke her until she suffocated. Behind her, Alec's voice cried out for her, "Vicki, come back!" brought her back to reality--the reality that she did not want to face.
He found her by the cliffs, gazing moodily out at the rolling waves in the water. She turned to him and held onto him tightly the moment he approached.
He caught a glimmer of her tears in the moonlight as she cried upon his shoulder, "I'm sorry, Alec, so sorry....." She kept on repeating those words, over and over, as though it were a prayer.
She felt relieved now that Alec was with her again, so that she would not be so alone. She depended on his imperturbability, his determination, his direction. He was never confused or bewildered or scared. On the other hand, she had felt like a lost soul all of her life. She felt his fingers stroking her hair, calming her, as he had so often done. Yet as many times as he brought her back to earth, to santiy, he never tried to stop her when she needed to fly free. Alec, you are my anchor to life, do you realize that? She wanted to tell him. But of course, she did not. She didn't tell him so many things because often, secrets were better off unspoken and carried to the grave.
Gently, Alec drew her head into the hollow of his throat and rested his head onto her windblown hair. He had gotten over the shock of her refusal and now, all he felt within him was ultimate despair. He felt so desperate that he wanted to shed the tears in his heart with her. Something was wrong, something that was frightening her and eating away at her. He must know what or who it was that was making her wild with fear.
"Vicki, listen to me," His voice, though solemn, was urgent. Fear gripped at his heart, fear of what was killing the girl he loved inside. "What is wrong? Confide in me, you know you can. Vicki, I--"
A wave crashed against the face of the cliff, and despite Alec's soothing touch, realization pulsed through her with debilitating suddenness. Vicki closed her eyes against the bright anguish. "I need to walk," She murmured.
She did not have to add *alone*; Alec heard the word more clearly than if she were to have said them aloud. Vicki had shut him from her pain, purposely so. And yet, he loved her too much to push her to tell him what she wasn't prepared to tell. Instead, he told her, "I'll be waiting for you, to walk you home."
Vicki turned, eyes damp with tears that she would no weep. "Thank you." She leaned forward to kiss his ashen cheek made pale by the moonlight, but the brush of her lips was little more than a breath released—fleeting and insubstantial. The she rose to scramble away.
Alec did not follow her; he stayed unmoving upon the ledge, watching her trepidation as Vicki disappeared and reappeared, making her nimble way down the face of the cliff. It terrified him, the way she climbed steep pitted rocks, searching out handholds he could not see, hollows where her feet caught momentarily to balance her weight. Sometimes she seemed to hang suspended by one hand an the toe of one foot. He had the odd sense that she was about to let go, to fly out to join the soaring fulmars and fade forever into the overlapping shades of blue water that did not end from below.
He who was afraid of water did not go after her, but in his heart, he wanted to be with her. Vicki often came to these cliffs to swim in the coldness of the ocean, to bear her burdens alone.
Tonight, Alec started when he saw Vicki`s agitation as she gained a level stretch of path. She was walking too hastily, without her usual grace. He watched, holding his breath, letting it out in sharp bursts each time he caught sight of her, while the gloaming drifted over him, deepening the shadow of his apprehension. Something was disturbing Vicki that night, but she was silent about it, unwilling to let him know....
Vicki, Vicki...what`s wrong? Let me in, let me in to help you if I can....
Just at that moment, Vicki approached the jagged rocks at the water`s edge and slipped from view. His heart pounding, Alec was about to go after her, when he had begun to conquer his fear of those wild, rolling waves, she reappeared far out in the water. She emerged in the froth of the effervescent bubbles, just as the silvery moon touched the water, setting her skin aglow in a white, celestial radiance that made her all the more lovely to him, all the more real. And yet, not real at all.
"Vicki..." Her name fell from his lips in wistful yearning for a love that she had not fully given to him yet.
Vicki glided fluidly, naked in the cold sea water. Alec watched, memorized, with no sense of surprise that his fiancee had to carelessly discarded her clothes to go swimming in the midst of the night. She belonged to the water without encumbrance, free, lithe, and natural. Clothes would have been an intrusion. Vicki swam farther out into the tide, floating, as if born of water and moonlight and the sky that darkened in just a matter of moments from deep violet to the purest of black. He strained but could not see her face as her sleek head broke the water. She was too far away, too far from his reach.
But Alec knew then, in his gut, where the knowledge burned, that if Vicki found an instant of comfort in this long, dark night, it would not be in his words or his arms. She had never opened herself up to him wholly, completely. He was not the man she loved. If Vicki found any comfort at all, it would be in that moment when the water took her, when the tidal waves rose beside her, the two moving in the breath of the sea. Vicki had become one with the rhythm of those mingled breaths, and that rhythm would ease her pain for a while. She was always at peace in the water. Even Alec, who loved her all his life but did not have her heart, knew of such.
He remembered with sudden clarity the day he had first noticed her, when she was only twelve years old. They had known each other since childhood since their families were close friends. But it was only when he had turned sixteen and she was twelve did he feel the familiar sense of affection toward the wide-eyed little girl whose expression could convey so much. Her heart dangled upon her sleeve, her soul pure and free to anyone who would notice. She had been talking to a neighbor and her words echoed in his mind to this day.
"I believe in ghosts," Vicki had told the man in a hushed voice. "I dreamt of one last night during that raging storm. She came to me, telling me that ghosts only haunted Mortals when the moon was high above the clouds on the darkest night and the air was at its coldest. They only appear before you when they want to, and not just to anyone. Spirits come on a Ghost Moon, when the moon is its most brilliant white. I believe her words because I know that if I were ever to die, I would rise again and come back to the one I loved the most on a Ghost Moon night to be with him."
Alec remembered nothing else of that conversation, but he remembered the look on the man`s face, for the little fable that Vicki told had touched too closely on the neighbor`s hidden feelings and fears.
Seeing Alec nearby, Vicki had confided to him in her little girl`s voice. "Sometimes people don`t like it when I tell them of my dreams. I guess I hit a bad memory or something. I don`t mean to. The dream just needs to be told."
Alec had been touched by the honest way she confided in him, engaged by her clear, round eyes rimmed with youth and innocence, her concern over the stranger`s distress endearing. But he had been uncomfortable as well with her recollections of her dreams. He remembered that sharp sting of fear that lasted only a second, but still existed, now.
Years later, Alec could not help but notice when Vicki`s body changed, when she grew slim and tall and gently rounded. He noticed too that she sought the water more urgently, that her eyes more often had a cast of sorrow on them. He saw that she was different from everyone else he knew. No other girl in his school had that sweet, mystical quality that only she possessed. She had about an air of expectancy, of waiting for miracles, in which she fully believed, despite the burdens that weighted in her heart. That belief gave him hope and made him love her all the more. He decided when he was seventeen that one day, he would marry her, if she would have him.
Now, eight years later, he had proposed to her, to the girl who he wanted to love for the rest of his life. Vicki had accepted, graciously, lovingly, though the shadows in her eyes never ceased to darken her face with secrets she was unwilling to share with even him. Alec did not want Vicki`s attractive face or her supple body. He wanted the spark in her that made her soul a visible, palpable thing. She was the light that would penetrate through the grey enigma that was his own soul. She would complete him.
"Why do you love me?" Vicki had asked once, head tilted upon his shoulder, eyes intent. "You have so much courage, so much certainty while I`m just drifting nowhere, into the darkness."
"Love is unconditional," Alec paused, surprised at the thought that came to his lips. "I`d love you no matter what. I want you to help me get lost once in a while, to join you in the darkness. I suspect that there`s a part of me deep down that can`t live without you. Without you, I will never find my way to the light, Vicki. And, I wouldn`t want to have it any other way."
Alec felt an odd fulfillment watching Vicki swim as she did now, melding into the water, making patterns on the surface, then submerging and melding again, only to float slowly upward, hair nimbus on the shining sea. She touched him in a way that frightened him, as her honesty and prescience had frightened him when she was twelve. He could not be her hero, but he wanted to protect her from the darkness that she so often warned him about. Whatever happened to her, wherever she may be going, Alec wanted to be there with her, to love her.
Alec ground his fingers into the soil, grasping handfuls of turf to distract him from the pain in his chest. He was a fool to think that Vicki needed his protection against the night or the angry sea or her own sorrow. She could find her way home barefoot on a moonless night. The wind would whisper, guiding her; the earth would echo her footsteps, warning her; the burn would lead her, filing her ears with the sound of home. Earth, water, and air would cocoon and protect her; she knew how to listen to those voices he had never heard.
Alec could not find his way around the bog in the dark. He had never tried to do so. But Vicki knew the way. She would have to lead HIM through the hummocks of turf and peat, the clinging wet moss and deceptive blossoms of butterwort and sundew. He stood on this cliff top, helpless without her. The thought made him more than a little desperate. He understood in a flash of illumination how ridiculous, even superfluous was his promise to guide her home.
But he had said he would wait, and wait he would, as gloaming became darkness and the mist settled like tears upon Alec`s cold cheeks.
____________________________________________________________
** ONE WEEK LATER **
Kristy Yang`s end of the school year party came to an end around three o`clock in the morning. It was a farewell party––the bidding of farewells to the four long years that seemed to stretch on end of University life, of cafeteria food, grilling assignments and cold Professors who loved to bring a student`s brain to misery with impossible exams.
Vicki felt Alec`s arm cling tightly around her waist as they bid farewell to their friends and schoolmates. It was a fun party, full of music that was still pulsing through her ears even now after the music had faded into silence. There were tears of sorrow, for many of her friends were leaving this Cape Cod island to go into the city in search of jobs. For Vicki, she would also be leaving everyone behind on her way to Medical School, the honor which she had slaved most of her school years just for admission. But strangely, she felt detached from the crowd of bustling young people whose bittersweet memories were surfacing as the party came to an end. She just felt an overwhelming sense of sadness enwrap itself around her heart, a sense of misery that she knew would never let her go.
"You`re quiet tonight," Alec observed, his concerned eyes upon her as they made their way toward their car in the parking lot. The night was cool, crisp and dark, without a moon. "Anything wrong?"
Before Vicki could answer him, a shadow appeared before them, and she blinked in surprise. Cecilia Cheung, the girl next door who had grown up with Alec all his life, stood before them. She was a quiet little girl, one who rarely spoke and when she did, her timid voice was so faint that no one would listen. Vicki liked her immensely, though they were not close of friends.
Vicki had always known that Cecilia loved Alec, had always loved him. But sadly, Alec did not know, or did not see, Cecilia`s adoration for him. But Vicki, as a woman, knew of this fact and she pitied the girl`s fragile hopes of love for a man who did not love her. Cecilia was five years younger than Alec, her love was not simply a crush that would melt away. Though she was only twenty years old, Cecilia`s heart was wiser than most her age, her maturity making her more subdued and careful in her words and her actions. She was very pretty with her petite, doll-like features, delicate ivory skin and long flowing hair. Vicki had always wondered why Alec would not open his eyes to see the wonder that Cecilia was, instead of treating her only as the little girl next door who would never rise from the depths of the shadows.
"Ceci!" Alec cried in alarm, using the nickname he gave her since childhood endearingly. "What are you doing here, all alone in the shadows? I thought you were getting a ride with Louis." Louis Koo, Kristy Yang`s steady boyfriend and a dear friend of all of them, was Cecilia`s chaperon for the night and her designated driver home.
"I–I–" Cecilia stammered in her usual timid way. Her eyes flickered over to Vicki`s face for a moment and then back at Alec hesitantly. "The party was so crowded that I had to wait for you outside to get a chance to tell you, um...well, tell you this. I just wanted to thank you, Alec, for dancing with me tonight. I had a really great time with you––um, I meant, dancing with you." Her voice trailed off uncertainly and her sweet face grew crimson as her gaze fell toward the ground.
Vicki found herself aching for the girl inwardly, for the love that she so obviously felt for Alec. That night, Cecilia had stood by herself watching with yearning as the University graduates danced with their own couples, lost in their own romantic bliss. Vicki had urged Alec to ask Cecilia to dance, pitying the girl who stood secluded from the group, alone in her thoughts. The sheer radiance that had lit Cecilia`s face when Alec came up to her and took her hand to the dance floor was something Vicki would never forget. Cecilia, awkward in her movements and cheeks flushing with embarrassment, had melted into his arms, her face glowing with joy. Once, Vicki had felt that way with Alec..that sweet, tangible joy of love that had made her heart beat wildly in her chest because he had simply glanced at her, the warmth of his hand making her head spin with yearning...Once, she had felt the purity of young love...
"Why don`t you take Ceci home, Alec?" Vicki suddenly voiced her thoughts. She smiled softly at the younger girl and nudged Alec gently toward her. "I can get a ride with your brother and speaking of Nicky—here he is." Her eyes caught sight of him from the corner of her gaze.
Her introduction led to the appearance of Alec`s brother, younger than him by three years. Nicky, dressed immaculately in his jersey shirt and dark pants, looked as handsome as ever. His handsomeness was distinct and aristocratic, making countless girls lose their hearts to him. Alec did not possess such good looks, but his handsomeness was real and boyishly charming all the same. Vicki heard Nicky laugh behind her and she turned to see her smile at her, his usual dazzling whites shining brilliantly.
"My honor to be your chauffeur, Miss Zhao," Nicky joked playfully, winking at Alec as he led Vicki by the arm toward his own car across the parking lot. "You don`t mind if I borrow your fiancee for the ride home, do you, Alec? I`ll give her back to you sooner or later."
Vicki barely had the chance to bid a good bye to Alec and Cecilia before Nicky led her quickly toward his car in his ususal brisk manner. She could have sworn to have heard Alec`s protest, but the again, it could have been only the whispers of the wind. The grey, sleek Toyota Camry quickly roared to life as Nicky turned on the engine. Vicki quickly put on her seatbelt and jerked her head in alarm when Nicky swerved the car sharply to the right. She cried out for him to stop, and his foot slammed on the brakes forcefully. The abrupt movement made her head jerk forward and she could barely catch her breath.
"Nicky!" Vicki turned to him, shaking her head in exasperation. "You`re drunk!"
She should`ve known the smell of alcohol on his breath and his clothes, for her own father drank excessively. But strangely, Nicky did not reek of alcohol. She hated alcohol, but she didn`t blame Nicky for having too many beers. It was a college party after all, and since it was a party to end their years at school, alcohol was drank for celebration.
"No, I`m not drunk," Nicky protested weakly, even though his slurred words confirmed her suspicions. "Didn`t even drink more than five beers and you know how high my tolerance is....not drunk....Gotta drive you home, Vicki...let me..." His eyes finally closed, deep in sleep and his head slumped toward the wheel.
With a sad shake of her head at him, Vicki unbuckled her seatbelt and slammed the car door shut as she made her way around the car toward the driver`s side. If Nicky could not drive, then she`d have to drive him home herself. Vicki hated driving at night, for she feared the darkened roads, but there was no other way out of it. She pondered at Nicky`s words in denial that he was not drunk for a moment. He didn`t sound drunk when he`d offered her a ride and yet now, he was almost out like a light. A feeling of foreboding clutched about her chest, though Vicki could not figure out what it was that was bothering her. Something was not right with this picture....
"What`s going on?"
Vicki jumped at the sound of the sudden voice, so deep in her thoughts that she had not heard Alec`s footsteps approaching her. She gasped when she saw him, his eyes dark and full of urgency. Then she hastily stumbled in her explanation. "Nicky`s drunk, I think. He almost lost control of the car. I`m going to drive him home." She moved past him, to get to the driver`s seat, but Alec`s arm caught hold of her abruptly.
"Let me drive," He offered solemnly. "Cecilia found a ride with Louis, so I`ll drive you home. My brother will have a lecture on the fatalities of drinking and driving in the morning, you can be sure about that. C`mon, let me take you home before your parent`s hack off my head for making you miss your curfew."
His eyes met with hers, soft with love. Vicki silently thanked him in her heart, but her mouth did not voice it out. She ached to have him hold her again, to feel his flesh next to hers once more, but she remained aloof and unresponsive. She had given Alec the cold shoulder these past weeks that it was sometimes difficult to warm up to him again. But of course, it was not his fault, only her own...always her fault. They both lowered a sleeping Nicky in the backseat of the car and Vicki buckled her seatbelt once more as Alec gave the car a quick check before they sped down the highway. The air was tense and silent in the car; Vicki was aware of Alec`s eyes flickering over to her once in a while in search of any emotion in her. But she struggled to remain placid, calm and detached. She didn`t want any of her fear tainting him. Let only herself suffer--she didn`t want Alec to know anything that might bring him harm. No, never hurt Alec...
In a heartbeat, the fear haunted her. The car skidded out of control. Tortured metal shrieked. Vicki succumbed to savage darkness as Alec screamed out her name.
Cecilia Cheung awaited the phone call for the two years that she had been praying for Alec Su to wake up from his coma. Two years of caring for him, visiting him, holding his hand through those long nights when doctors thought that he would not make it, though he would never know it. It was what she wanted to do. It was an act of selflessness for a lifetime of loving him.
Now the phone call from his doctors in the middle of the night jerked her awake. She had been sleeping a dreamless sleep, exhausted from another long day of spending time at Alec's bedside, chatting merrily on about her days at work but not receiving even a flickering of an eyelid back.
But now...now Alec was awake. Finally and at last. This was what she had been praying for.
When Cecilia entered the stillness of the ICU room where Alec lay for the past two long years after the accident, she was relieved to find the respirator gone. He had been in kidney failure and sustained extensive brain damage when he was brought into the emergency room on that fateful night. It had been a miracle that the paramedics could revive him and that he could be alive today. Now that he was awake, fear gripped her heart at what internal injuries Alec had suffered because of the accident. But the respirator was gone, meaning that he could breathe on his own. That in itself was life restored to him already.
Alec lay unmoving upon the bed, his eyes gently closed, his lids slicked with the lubricant that Cecilia herself had applied on for him daily to prevent them from sticking together, a danger with comatose patients who spend long periods without opening their eyes. She stood at the foot of the bed, watching him silently, not daring to move further toward him. He looked no different now than he had before. His face, leaner and gaunt and strikingly ashen against the whiteness of the pillow was motionless, locked in deep slumber. The nurses had dressed him in a royal blue robe that day, and hooked him to a electrocardiograph with a telemetry function that would reproduce his heart rhythms on a monitor at the nurses' station. A bottle of clear fluid hung from a metal rack beside the bed, feeding an IV line into his left arm that had already began to bruise from that morning's intravenous injections of antibiotics administered by the nurses. His hair hung limply over his forehead in a way that Cecilia liked, making him appear younger than his twenty seven years. He was still Alec, still the same Alec. But she knew that everything would be changed for him now that he has awakened because he had lost everything....
"Who's there?"
The sound of his voice made her gasp. She thought that he was asleep, but she was wrong. His eyes were now opened but it was strange how unfocused they were. He was staring at her and yet, she had the sinking sensation that he was staring through her and not seeing her. His eyes were weary, full of exhaustion and yet, his face appeared to be alert. The nurse at the station had warned her that if he were to awaken then she must get the doctor instantly. But Cecilia wanted this moment alone with him, to tell him things that she had wanted to say for so long.
"Alec," She began haltingly, moving deliberately near his bedside at a painfully slow rate. Her gaze never left his face, so intent was she to know how he would react. "You can hear me? Do you know who I am?"
There was a slight pause and then, "Ceci?" A small smile traced along the corner of his pale lips as her voice registered recognition in his mind. He turned his face toward the window suddenly and Cecilia wondered where he was looking at. "I'm glad you're here. What happened? Was I sick? I feel so weak, as though my limbs are made of liquid and I'm going to slip right off of this bed. And what's with the smell?" He sniffed the air in distaste. "It smells like a hospital with all of the disinfectants. Wait, this is a hospital. I don't recognize the bed and these sheets as being my own. I must be sick, and that's why you're here–to visit me, right?"
For a moment, Cecilia could barely breathe. But now, after hearing with her own ears how lucid Alec's speech was, how alert he was of what was happening around him, her fears subsided. A man with brain damage could never have spoken with so much strength and in such a clear voice. She moved over to his bed and touched his hand in exuberance. "I can't believe it!" She cried, laughing and weeping at the same time. Her fingers ached to touch his face, that delicate face that had never responded to her in so long, just to be certain that he was truly Alec and that he was awake at last. "You're going to be fine, Alec, just fine..." The tears flowed down her face and she reached out with a shaking hand to caress his face with her fingertips tenderly.
"Vicki?" Alec's head moved toward the feel of her fingers brushing against his face. His voice, faint and feeble, never sounded so hopeful. "Vicki, is that you? Cecilia, could you please turn on the lights? I can't see a thing. Why is it so dark in here? Or is it just me?"
Alec's words caused Cecilia's hand to suspend in mid-air and she recoiled from the warmth of his skin in startled shock. A sense of foreboding claimed her, thick and dangerous that it took her breath away.
"You...can't...see me?" She whispered, choking on those words.
Then, another thought struck her. Alec had felt her touching him intimately on the side of his face and he had mistook her for Vicki, his fiancee who had died along with his brother in the accident two years ago. Only Vicki would dare to touch him in that manner, only Vicki was the woman he wanted. Alec didn't know that his love was dead, buried and gone. He didn't remember what had happened, didn't know that Vicki had died. But then again, how could he? He had just awoken from a coma, only to be.....to be what? Blind? No, no, this couldn't be....
His forehead creased in a perplexed frown, his breath coming out more labouriously now. He sensed that something was wrong already. "Why would I not be able to see you?" He cried, his voice rising. "Cecilia? Oh God, don't tell me that..." His back stiffened and he reached out frantically to grab onto her arm, reeling in shock. "What is going on? Why can't I see anything? Vicki! Vicki, tell me what's going on!"
His cries for the girl he loved tore at her heart. Cecilia felt the threat of tears and refused to succumb. She didn't want to be the one to bring the bad news to him. He had only awoken from a coma and he didn't need the sorrows of knowing that he had lost everything. No, she had to spare him from this pain somehow, someway.
To distract herself, she bent over the table by his bedside and poured a glass of water. Her hands shook so much that she could barely hold the cup upright. Then, leaning close, she drew the glass to his lips until she could feel the reassuring warmth of his breath on her cheek. "Just take it easy and drink this. Slowly now...there you go..."
His head tilted and he swallowed down the liquid painfully. But after the water had been drunken, he instantly turned his attention on her. "Cecilia, tell me the truth," He begged her hoarsely. "What happened? Why can't I see anything? Am I blind, forever? Why do I feel so tired, so damn useless? Vicki—" A hand reached out blindly, wavering in the air, expecting to be held by his lover. "Vicki, say something please. Where are you?"
For a moment, Cecilia froze. She felt her cheeks flushing with anxiety and knotting her hands into fists, she felt the sorrow ripping her from within. There was no other way to tell him the news. No lies could mend his grief.
"Vicki is dead."
A tense silence stretched on and on. Cecilia would have thought that her words had fallen on deaf ears if Alec had not began to tremble. The color drained from his face until even his lips were pale and bloodless. For a moment, unsure of what to do, Cecilia's eyes blurred with tears but finally, she reached over to hold him. But he struggled out of her grasp, his entire body quivering in shock.
"No!" Alec raged, shaking his head vehemently in denial. His voice, strained and broken, sent pangs of sorrow to her heart. "No, it can't be! How can she---?" He broke off in frusteration. "What the hell happened? Tell me what the hell happened to her!" He turned on Cecilia, his eyes full of unshed tears blazing in furious agony.
Muffling her sobs with her hand against her mouth, Cecilia struggled to calm her beating heart before she was able to speak. "You had an accident," She whispered, her voice trembling. "That was two year ago, Alec. You've been in a coma for two year now. You were the sole survivor in the accident. Your brother, Nicky, and Vicki were already dead at the scene...."
"No..." The moan escaped from Alec's lips, inaudible.
But Cecilia could not stop herself from what she had started. The words slipped from her mouth, frantically fast and frenzied. "The police had no way of determining why the car went out of control because it had combusted before authorities arrived at the site. But an autopsy on Nicky confirmed that he had been drugged and he was likely to have been unconscious when the crash occurred. But there was nothing to go on as to why he would've been drugged. Vicki died instantly by a blow to her head from the accident. Only you were found barely breathing, but alive, Alec. Someone had pushed you out of the car before it blew up and saved your life. Your brother and your finacee had died in the fire. The authorities closed the case with one theory: It was an accident, Alec. An accident."
All the while of her confession, Cecilia saw Alec's body begin to shake violently, his arm jerking up in a spasm of irregular jolts as her words suck into him.
"No! Not my brother..." Alec's tears wracked his body, his head bent in anguish, his face growing pinched and paler by the second. "Vicki...not Vicki too....Why can't I remember? Why can't I see anything? Why did I not die in their place? Why am I still left alive with nothing...left with nothing....VICKI! NO!"
Suddenly, a cry of tortured pain tore from Alec's throat. He doubled over upon the bed, his arm jerking out to slam into the IV pole as it clattered to the ground. Cecilia cried out for him to stop, reaching out for him to hold him still, but lost in his pain, Alec pushed her with a profound force that nearly sent her hitting the floor.
As she struggled to regained her balance, Alec thrashed about on the bed, his breathing uneven, his face growing grey and twisting in tortured agony. The electrograph monitoring his heart rate indicated that his pulse was accelerating at a dangerous speed. Over and over again, he choked out the name of the girl who had died so long ago, "Vicki, Vicki...."
Tears blinding her eyes, Cecilia slammed into the buzzer above the hospital bed to call for medical assistance as she watched in horror as Alec jerked upright in spasms that wracked his body. Cecilia knew that even if she lived until she was one hundred years old, she would never forget his screams which tore out of his throat, screams that sounded anguished, hollow and eerily haunting....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alec's scream echoed in his brain, in his heart and throughout his body.
The car skidded and shuddered, and finally bursted through the guardrail. Alec's teeth clacked together hard enough to ignite sparks of pain in his jaws, all the way to his temples, and his hand clutched onto the steering wheel in desperation to control the car. But it was too late, too late for them all....
"Vicki!" He screamed out her name as the car rotated. This time, more desperately, "VICKI!"
The car tumbled deep into a void and down a ravine, rolling over and over like a carousel, rolling around and around. As the Camry came out of the second rotation, the entire driver's side slammed into the guardrail, and the car slid thirty feet without losing contact. To the accompaniment of a grinding, screeching, scraping of metal against metal, showers of brilliant yellow sparks fizzled up, mingling with the dirt and the grime of the earth.
Gasping for breath, heart pounding, wrenched painfully from side to side in his seatbelt harness, Alec hoped and prayed for a tree, any object that would halt their fall. But the embankment seemed clear and the car kept on rolling. He lost count of how often the car rolled because he was almost unconscious then. His head banged against the ceiling of the car hard enough to knock him out and crush his skull. He struggled to call out to Vicki again, but he could not find his voice. The car was turning, wallowing like an airborne kite dipping and rising in the thermal currents of the sky.
When the windshield burst, it showered Alec with minutely fragmented glass that sliced away at his face, his throat, his arms. The wounds seared at his flesh and all he could smell was blood, but whether or not it was his own, he was uncertain. Abruptly, he was washed in silenced as the car rolled onto its roof and stayed there. The stillness terrified him, because he heard nothing, not even the sound of breathing from either Vicki or Nicky, or even his own breath for that matter. His head ached as though someone has slammed a hammer repeatedly against his skull and he felt a trickling of liquid slid down his face, cool and warm all at once.
The headlights blinked off and the dashboard lights reflected Vicki's familiar sweat-slicked face before his eyes.
"Vicki..." His voice was barely a whisper, weak and faint.
His lightheadedness increased as the car rocked more violently than ever. Oh God, he had to get out of here, to call for help. He couldn't faint away now. Vicki and Nicky would be bleeding to death by then...got to stay awake...
Alec reached out blindly and found Vicki crumpled in the passenger's seat. Her head was bent toward him, resting against his shoulder. With care, Alec raised a hand to touch her face, though she remained unmoving. Something warm and sticky covered her left cheek and temple. Blood oozed out from a head injury. A cry caught in his throat, he reached over and touched her mouth. He almost sobbed in relief when he felt the hot exaltation of her breath between her slightly parted lips. She was unconscious, not dead...Thank God....
Alec struggled to free himself from his seatbelt harness but suddenly, a wave of nausea hit him. The car began to spin again and he screamed as it continued to slip down the bottomless ravine. His head slammed against the broken windshield and he felt a slashing of glass against his flesh. Darkness claimed him as he slipped away, his mind screaming for him to save his brother and Vicki. But he could not.....the tidal wave of darkness was yanking him under....he was too weak to fight against it...
The last thing Alec remembered was the smell of gasoline burning and the cool touch of Vicki's flesh against his.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caught in darkness, his eyesight gone, Alec lay still upon the bed, pretending to sleep as doctors and nurses fussed over his side. Needles pricked his skin and the insistent beeping of the EKG machine by his bedside offered him little comfort. He was wheeled upon gurneys to different laboratories as tests were done on him. He was probed and pricked, his body examined, his head touched and x-rayed. Finally, at the end of this cycle, Alec was brought back to his room. The tests had shown that Alec's eyesight was impaired by the substantial blow to his head that had fractured his skull as the result of the hash impact of the crash. He may never see again, but physically, he was healthy as long as he was given time to recuperate. But the hope for him to regain his sight back was bleak.
In his room, Alec knew that dark fall had approached by the stillness of the air. Outside the window, he heard the rain falling down upon the city, tapping against the window pane as though it wanted to be let in. The nurses placed him on his back in a suspended position and tubes hissed inside of his body and protruded on the outside. He would have thought that he was alone if it were not for the breathing of one person. Now that his world was basked in darkness, he was acutely aware of every sound that his ears picked up.
"Ceci?" His voice was soft, fleeting.
Alec heard her move toward the bed and felt the warmth of her hand as she clasped it against his palms. Funny how this little girl whom he watched grow up before his very eyes would not leave his side. It touched him, that she would stay by him. From the snatches of conversation that he heard exchanged between the doctors and Cecilia, he knew that his parents were both informed of his awakening, but since they lived so far from Cape Cod, it would take them a few days to make the trip down her to see him. They were overjoyed that he has awoken finally. His friends, Kristy, Louis and Julian had been informed of his awakening and they had instantly wanted to see him but the visiting hours were long over. Only Cecilia was allowed to special privileges to be with him since she was familiar around the hospital. So many people were now rejoicing about his comatose state ending. But Alec didn't care—he was beyond caring. But he did feel grateful for having one person remain with him. Cecilia was always sweet that way. Vicki had liked her immensely when he'd introduced them both so many years ago, but it seemed like only yesterday. Only yesterday that Vicki was still alive....
"I'm here," Cecilia's gentle hands brushed his bangs off of his forehead. "I'm right here."
Alec breathed in carefully, afraid she would hear the tremor in his voice. "Is there a moon tonight? I can't see it. Could you just tell me if there is on out tonight? Describe it to me, please."
Cecilia swallowed hard, shocked by his request. But she turned awkwardly to glance out at the window of the hospital room. "Uh..." She cleared her throat nervously. Alec had been given sedatives for his spasms, and now, he was so much more calmer about Vicki's death. But she sensed that underneath, the pain was still as strong, still fresh. She was uncertain why he would want to know about the moon, but to comfort him, she obliged by his wishes. "It's raining outside and the window is flecked with moisture. The clouds are grey tonight and the moon is full. It's really bright tonight, which is funny since I never saw a moon that bright before. It looks almost....white. I can see your face from the moonlight, that's how bright it is."
"Thank you," Alec whispered, sounding drained from the effort of speaking. His eyes closed gently and he slipped into a deep sleep.
Cecilia watched him for a moment, straightening the blankets over his chest and finally, she stood up. She wanted to ease the pain for him, to soothe him and make him whole again. But only one person could do that.
But Vicki was gone.
Once Alec was certain that Cecilia had gone home for the night, he lay awake in bed, waiting, anticipating for what he knew could not happen. And yet, he prayed that it would. Although he remembered nothing prior to the accident or during the accident, he never forgot his memories of Vicki. He never forgot the words of twelve year old Vicki claiming her belief in ghosts.
"Spirits come on a Ghost Moon, when the moon is its most brilliant white. I believe it because I know that if I were ever to die, I would rise again and come back to the one I loved the most on a Ghost Moon night to be with him." The child Vicki had said with such conviction.
That night, Cecilia had told him that the moon was truly white and bright. Was it possible that a child such a Vicki had been could predict a supernatural phenomenon? Were Ghost Moons really the night when the dead would rise again to reunite with their loved ones?
Alec waited and waited throughout the night, listening for every sound that would indicate to him that the spirit of Vicki had come back to him. While he waited in the ominous, suffocating silence, he remembered her smile, her touch, her love for him. He thought of the future that should have been theirs, the wedding that he had dreamed of sharing with her for all of his life. But in a heartbeat, everything important to him was snatched away. It didn't matter if he had lost two years of his life being trapped within a coma or that he would be blind for the rest of his life. All he wanted was to have Vicki and his brother back with him, but that was impossible...just an impossible dream. Could he ever feel any more pain than this, any more anguish and sorrow than this? It tore him apart, thinking about her, missing her.
Vicki...Vicki....come back to me...
Finally, the sedatives took his toll on him and Alec's eyes began to droop. His chest rose and fell in an even rhythm of sleep as the night wore on and the rainfall continued to shed the liquid tears from Heaven from the night sky.
Alec never heard the sound of her voice whispering his name in his ear or felt the gentle caress of her ghostly hand upon his warm flesh. Caught in an exhausted slumber, he never realized that a figure of a beautiful young woman stayed by his side throughout the night while the moon above shimmered down upon them both, casting both lovers in a light of blinding, celestial brilliance upon the night of the Ghost Moon.
Louis sat by Alec's bedside, gazing down with eyes full of tears at the friend that had not responded to any of his words within the last two years. It was a relief, a blessing, to have Alec back with them, to have the childhood friend who had grown up with him finally awake at last. Though it was still early in the morning, Louis had rushed to Alec's side instantly, anticipating in half-fear and half-nervousness at what he would find. But Alec was sitting up in bed by the time he arrived, alert and in high spirits. But he was blind, truly and painfully so. Louis had to blink back the tears that hit him when he realized that Alec could not see him once he held out his hand to him to hold. Those gentle eyes were now unseeing, focussed straight ahead at an invisible target that only Alec could see. But other than that, Alec was still Alec, though he seemed profoundly more vulnerable and fragile now with his disability. His cheeks, pale and greyish from lack of sunlight sunk in deep within his jaws, making his face hollow and gaunt. His lips were parched, so pale that they seemed bloodless. But the boyish handsomeness was still evident in that face, the face of a man who had lost so much by the cruel hands of fate.
The two friends spoke of the changes that had occurred within the last two years. Alec's parents had moved away from Cape Cod to live close to the city for Alec's medical treatment at a specialized hospital. Even Kristy and Louis, who found jobs in the city, had left the island and had never gone back since. Cape Cod harboured too many memories about what they had all lost that night so long ago. Alec listened to Louis' words thoughtfully and nodded when appropriate. His lips were smiling, but Louis knew that underneath that calm facade, Alec was mourning the death of Vicki and Nicky. He could never hide anything from him, for they were too close of friends and Louis knew him too well. The pain haunted Alec's eyes, etching its mark upon the placid skin and dark circles hung around his eyes, indicating his restless spirit.
"Louis?" Alec's voice brought him back to Earth. That ashen, gaunt face turned slightly toward him and his hand clenched together to indicate his concern by Louis' silence. The IV tubes inserted into his hand brushed over Louis's skin, oddly cool and reminding him of what kind of ordeal Alec had been through just to be alive. "What's the matter? Getting bored of this blind guy already? You're suddenly quiet."
Louis felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment. Trust Alec to be insightful, even more so now that his vision was hindered. It was true; his mind was preoccupied. Being with Alec flooded Louis with memories of the day of the accident. One minute, they were both carefree college graduates with their lives ahead of them, partying to the beat of the music with abandon. And the next, Vicki and Nicky were dead while Alec remained in a life-threatening coma.
It would be a lie for Louis to think that the accident did not affect him. In fact, it had affected all of them— Kristy, Julian, Cecilia. They were all close friends of Alec, Vicki and Nicky; such a devastating blow like the death of two friends and the injury sustained by another was something that Louis could not forget. Or would forget. He remembered the feeling of helplessness, the remorse, the pain of watching Alec slip away, of going to Vicki and Nicky's funeral and placing flowers upon the graves of two people who were too young too die. Louis would also never forget the secret that Alec can never find out about...the secret that burned away at his heart even after two years after that fateful night that changed all of their lives forever.
"I'm fine," Louis lied, forcing a smile in his voice to assure his friend. He patted Alec's hand gently, suddenly alarmed at the pallor of his face. He leaned close to him, bent in concern. "You're not well. You don't have to act as though everything is great and peachy keen. We've known each other much too long for that. You're missing your brother aren't you? And..."He broke off hesitantly as he spoke of Vicki, his heart weary. "You're missing her?"
"It's about time I've woken up to realize that the girl I love and my brother is dead," Alec quipped dryly. But his voice quivered and his eyes swam with raw pain. He closed his eyes in frustration, his brow furrowed in helpless agony. "I lost two years of my life, Louis, to this accident and I lost my eyesight. But I'm not complaining. I won't ask for any of that back. I just want to know the truth, about what happened that night. I—I can't remember at all, nothing at all about why the car crashed, why I drove over the ravine. I wasn't drunk, dammit, but I killed two of the most important people in my life in just one night? How can that not tear my conscience apart? Vicki and Nicky died because of me!"
Louis's heart lurked in pain once Alec's shoulders began to tremble with grief, his voice laced with bitterness. He knew that Alec was struggling to keep his emotions at bay, to suppress the urge to vent out in anger at the world for the injustice of those two deaths. Louis felt helpless, unable to help Alec deal with his sorrows. He lay a firm hand upon those quivering shoulders, hunched by burdens that seemed too much for him to bear.
"It's not your fault," Louis insisted with conviction. "Even the cops couldn't find any evidence of foul play involved and there truly was no sign of alcohol in your bloodstream. Maybe, it was just a freak accident, one that shouldn't have happened but did. The only thing that was fishy about the whole thing was that Nicky had been drugged with an anti-depressant that would make him drowsy. It is a harmless drug, though, not lethal. They cops had a theory going that someone wanted to kill your brother by drugging him and then tampering with his car, but there wasn't enough evidence to support the claim. Anyone at Kristy's party could have slipped a drug into your brother's drink. We don't know exactly what happened. But the cops closed the case a year ago because they had no leads. Don't blame yourself, Alec."
There was a stunned silence as Alec took in the news. There was a sharp intake of breath and finally, Alec raised his unblinking eyes to meet Louis' gaze. Though he could not see, Louis had the strange sensation that Alec could glimpse into his soul instead and peer into his most inner thoughts.
"I want to go back," Alec spoke up clearly, the firmness of his voice slicing the suffocating silence. "I need to go back to Cape Cod, to the moors where Vicki always escaped to when she needed to a safe haven to comfort her. Ask permission for me to have an early admittance from the hospital, Louis. I need to leave now. I can't just sit around and let my guilt eat away inside of me when I think about their deaths. It IS my fault that this tragedy happend, and it's my responsibility to reveal the truth about what really happened that night."
Louis blinked in alarm at Alec's words. "The truth?" He echoed uncertainly."What do you mean? The case was closed long ago. Vicki and Nicky are gone. There was no foul play involved. Why do you want to torture yourself like this?"
The muscles in Alec's jaw clenched and his eyes darkened dimly. "It doesn't matter that the case is closed," He protested urgently. Those unblinking eyes stared hard at Louis, damp with unshed tears. "I sense that something is wrong. Nothing makes sense. There are so many questions without answers and so many missing pieces to this story. I need to know the truth, Louis, but I can't do it alone. Please, will you take me back to Cape Cod? Will you help me?"
Louis felt a lump constrict in his throat and he was struck speechless. Alec's words dawned on him, making shivers run up and down his spine. For the life of him, though he did not comprehend why, but he found himself believing in Alec's words. All these years, Louis had never thought about the accident, wanting to erase it from his mind so that the pain could not eat away at him. But now, Alec was awake and he wanted to know the truth. And there must be a truth behind this case. Could it be possible that there was indeed foul play involved in the accident? And if that were true, then this situation could be deadly to all of them, especially Alec since he was the sole survivor in the accident. But he was disabled now, a man blind and vulnerable to any sort of invasion to his health. Louis's eyes fixated upon Alec's ashen face, thin and haggard with grief. There was nothing he could do for Alec to ease his pain, nothing except....
"I'll go with you," Louis spoke up after a moment's thought, his voice wavering with anxiety. "But we have to be careful. If–if there is foul play involved, then you can be in danger. Maybe we can tell the cops, even though I doubt they'll listen to us unless we have substantial evidence to prove our claims." His forehead creased in concern at the gravity of the situation. "We can trust Kristy, Julian and Cecilia. The more people coming along with us, the safer you'll be. Alec, you're the most vulnerable one here. We'll all go with you and see what we can find."
For the first time since he awakened, a half-smile tugged at Alec's pale lips. A weak squeeze pressed against Louis' palm in appreciation. "Thank you, Louis," He mumbled as weariness took its toll on him. The grip on his hand slacked off as his eyes began to close in exhaustion. "Keep your promise. Help me, please, for their sake...."
Within minutes, Alec was asleep, leaving Louis unmoving by the bed, re-playing his words inside his mind. Yes, he had to help Alec. For *their sake*--- for Vicki and Nicky, whose death may or may not have been an accident...
Louis walked briskly out of the hospital after leaving a nurse to care for Alec if he needed anything. But he bumped into the figure of his girlfriend, Kristy and Julian on his way out of the glass swerving doors. Startled at the timely coincidence, they greeted each other. Kristy, looking sweet and fresh in a purple tank top and faded jeans, smiled at him as she bustled to his side. A bouquet of flowers were in her arms, meant to be given to Alec. Julian had bought Alec a small teddy bear and a colourful helium balloon that was etched with silver letters of "Get Well Soon." They went to sit in the cafeteria to discuss about Alec and tp order coffee and breakfast.
"How is he?" Kristy asked Louis in concern once they'd seated in the mini restaurant at the back of the hospital. Nurses and doctors slipped in and out, while the intercom was blaring with country music that put Louis' frayed nerves on end.
"I was just there with him," Louis told her frankly, his eyes growing troubled as he thought about Alec. "He was tired but alert enough to have a conversation. He's weaker now and has lost a lot of weight. I think I could pick him up with one hand if I tried because there isn't any meat on those bones. It just kills me to see him like that, but it was worse when he was hooked up to all of those respiratory machines months before. "Just thinking about Alec on the respirator and in heart failure made his insides ache. "But he's doing fairly good. No brain damage, no impaired speech. He's just...blind."
Kristy's sharp gasp and Julian's widened gaze revealed their shock over the dim revelation. A waiter came at that moment to take their orders, but Julian mumbled an incoherent apology for him to come back another time.
"Blind?" Kristy echoed, stiffening with apprehension once the waiter was out of the earshot. She swung her eyes wildly in Louis'direction, her mouth agape. "You mean, he can't see anything at all? Nothing?"
Louis shook his head sadly. "The doctors aren't very hopeful about Alec regaining his sight back. The damage done to his brain from the accident can't be repaired. It is a lucky thing that he's still here with us, considering that the car was totalled by the fall. The impact of it damaged his brain nerves that gives him sight, so yes, he's blind."
There was a stunned silence as the cruel truth settled upon the three of them. Finally, Julian broke in, his voice trembling. "Does he remember anything at all, about the accident? Or before that?"
Louis sighed heavily, shaking his head. "No, he told me he doesn't recall anything during and before the accident," He spoke softly, wistfully. "He remembers all of us and his brother and Vicki of course. But he's in the dark about what occurred that night. It must be the shock of such a devastating ordeal that perhaps made his mind temporarily wipe away those memories. It's the brain's mechanism to preserve sanity, to protect the victim from pain. I learned that in Psych class back in University. Alec will remember eventually when he's ready to accept the truth. But for now, he doesn't have a clue about what truly happened that night."
"So he doesn't know... ." Julian's voice was gradual and purposely slow. "...About what happened with –" He broke off mid-way, as he did not need to elaborate about what they all knew.
"He wouldn't have known anyway," Kristy corrected him mildly. "Alec never knew from the beginning, so that even if he were to remember, there's nothing for him to remember."
Louis nodded in agreement. "Alec can't find out," He stated flatly, his gaze solemn and determined. "It will kill him if he finds out. He's so weak now that I'm sure a blow might just push him off the brink of sanity. The grief of Vicki and Nicky's death is tearing him apart. Any more pressure and we'll lose him." His eyes met with the others sternly and protectively. "For Alec's sake, no word must leak out about this secret."
Kristy and Julian nodded in unison. Louis proceeded to tell them about Alec's wish to return to the island and find out the truth. He related about Alec's suspicions about the accident and of how he had promised to help their friend uncover the truth. Julian and Kristy eagerly agreed to come along in search of clues and for that, Louis was relieved. He would never have been able to do it himself.
"We leave tomorrow," Louis declared finally after a brief discussion about airfare and time schedule. "It's the weekend and we all have days off from work. We can lodge at a hotel while Alec goes exploring around. We'll be there to help him when he needs it. I want to ask Cecilia to come along too, since she is a close friend of Alec's and she has medical experience so that if anything happens, she'll be there. Alec is still only in recovery after all, and his health isn't 100% yet. I'm going to ask Alec's doctor for an admittance request now so that he can leave the hospital a week early."
Before he could rise, Julian caught him by the shoulder, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Cecilia?" He cried out, his face twisting in distaste. "Can we trust her? She's just a kid. To tell you the truth, I never liked that girl. She's always observing things in that silent, sulking way of hers that gives me the creeps and never opens her mouth to talk. Who knows what she may be hiding? I think we can do without a nuisance in the way. She's just weird."
"I trust Cecilia and I like her," Louis' voice was firm in his belief. His eyes swung over to meet with Kristy's uncertain eyes and then he held Julian's eyes with his own unwavering ones. "Besides, if this accident prove to be a fluke and Vicki and Nicky were murdered, then I suggest that no one can be trusted."
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Julian snapped defensively, his anger flaring at Louis' words that sent shivers down his spine. "Are you suspecting me now, is that it?" His eyes narrowed dangerously, surprised that those accusing words hurt. "You know that I would never, ever hurt Alec, Nicky or Vicki. They're our friends, dammit! Vicki and Nicky are dead and Alec's blind! You don't think that it pains me to see him so helpless like this and to know that two of my friends are dead and buried beneath the ground? How can you even think of such a thing about me?"
"You've got it all wrong," Louis attempted to calm him. He released a ragged sigh of remorse and sorrow. "I–I never meant it like that. I'm not suspecting anyone, but it's better to be cautious and aware of strange behaviour. Vicki and Nicky are dead. It wasn't necessarily an accident. It could have been intentional." Even as he spoke those words, he felt the blood leaving his face and his hands grew slicked with sweat.
"Louis," Kristy broke in pleadingly, a quiver evident in her voice. Her face paled slightly as she realized the seriousness of the situation. "You're scaring me. This is murder we're talking about."
"I know. That's what I'm afraid of."
Louis' haunting words hit a nerve from deep within all of them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again.
Because a vision softly creeping
Left it's seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sounds of silence.
Strangely, all that was running through Alec's mind as he walked slowly made his way toward the moors where he and Vicki once spent their most joyful days, was that song. Yes, darkness, his friend. He had always held a liking for that classic, melancholy song that now conveyed his plight so accurately. Now blind, Alec felt as though he were trapped within the sound of silence where there was only darkness to embrace him. The vision that was played in his brain was one of Vicki, his beloved. She was smiling at him, those wide , sparkling eyes urging him forward. Vicki, I'm home now, back to you, back to where we had once shared our divine love....
"We're approaching the ledge now," Cecilia warned him gently, her hands holding tightly to his arm as she guided him up the jagged rocks. "Just a little further. Watch out for those pebbles or you might slip. Easy now, slowly..."
The rosewood cane tapped upon the ground, swaying slightly back and forth as Alec struggled to focus upon his balance so that he did not fall. It was a learning experience for him to find his way in the dark, to not be able to see anything. He had stumbled twice since they'd arrived in Cape Cod only hours before, but Cecilia's arm had instantly supported his weight so that he fell into his arms. She was constantly at his side, the sweet little girl who had shown him more love and affection than Alec knew he deserved. Louis, Kristy and Julian were still back at the hotel on the outskirts of Cape Cod unpacking. After Alec's insistent pleadings to explore the moors on his own, Cecilia had volunteered to venture out to the shores with him and now, they only had a few more steps to go before they reached the shores of the ocean.
"The ocean is gorgeous today," Cecilia chattered on, intent on relieving him from his sorrowful thoughts. She was a naturally quiet person of solitude, but with Alec, it was always easy to express her feelings that she failed to do with others. Especially now that he no longer had his vision, she wanted to be his eyes for him and tell him of the splendours of the world that he was no longer able to witness himself. She laughed, and turning to him, said in excitement, "The water is just lapping over the sand, and exploding back into the water and turning into foaming bubbles. Can you feel it, Alec? Can you feel the sprinkling of the sea foam in the air? Cape Cod hasn't lost its beauty one bit."
Alec forced a small smile for her sake, touched by her attempt to liven up his dark mood. Closing his eyes, he tried to bring back the memory of the waters. He envisioned the image of the water, reflecting in his mind. The rhematic lap of the waves was soothing, lulling him into dreamy tranquillity. For a moment, Alec could forget the feeling of dread that had haunted him like an accusation since the day he awoken from the coma to learn that everyone important in his life was gone.
Alec heard the splashing waves upon the rocks and felt a vague stirring in his heart that he did not understand. Perhaps it was only an echo of the longing that he felt in his heart for lost love, or just the sadness that he felt within the sigh of the wind that rippled over the water. Was it fear? He wondered. He did not know, but the stirring fluttered inside of him, restless and warm, and he suddenly felt alone, though Cecilia was beside him.
"Vicki used to love to go swimming in these waters," Alec suddenly spoke up, ending his prolonged silence since leaving the hospital. He turned his head toward the brilliance of the sun and allowed its rays to warm his skin. His eyes misted over in memory. "She looked like something out of a dream, her body so supple and graceful, floating along with the waves. I always wanted to join her in that solitude, but not knowing how to swim and with my fear of water, I was inclined to stay up on shore. I'd watch her in water, and just want to capture her in my hands, because I feared of losing her one day. But I never could, because she belonged to the natural world, too good for me to keep forever."
"Vicki was a wonder, wasn't she?" Cecilia's voice took on a wistful tone and Alec could sense her sadness. "I wish that she and I could have become better friends, as I've always admired her so much. She was everything I can never be. It's not a wonder that you love her so."
Alec could only nod numbly, choking back the lump in his throat. Thinking about Vicki sent a pang of pain to his heart that he knew would never heal. When his cane hit a soft plane, he knew that they'd reached the sandy shores of the moors. The wind was stronger closer by the water, its breeze whipping furiously into his face and lashing against his body. He felt Cecilia's nimble hands zip up his parka for him to keep him warm from the cold breeze, and for a moment, her hand brushed against his momentarily. Her skin felt as soft as down and warm against his and Alec felt his cheeks flush. A sense of yearning pulsed between them and Alec stood unmoving, his heart beating painfully in his chest. He heard Cecilia take a sharp intake of breath and then, there was a pause. Finally, she laughed shakily and the uncomfortable moment was broken.
"May I just walk alone for a moment?" Alec requested, patting her hand gently to reassure her that he would be alright. "I just need some time alone. Would you mind?"
"Take your time," Cecilia assured him. "I'll be only few steps behind you if you should need me."
Her hand squeezed his gently, endearingly and once again, Alec felt the heat flow up to his face. He knew how she felt about him—how could he miss that shy gaze full of longing and that tender smile curving along her lips meant only for him? She had acted in all the ways that Vicki had when they had first began to date. But, unlike Vicki, Cecilia was only a child, an innocent child with a crush on a boy who was much older than her appropriate age group. He had watched Cecilia grow up before his eyes, haven been next door neighbours. From an awkward teenager to a blossoming young woman, Cecilia still had so much maturing to do, emotionally wise. Vicki had always been a woman, full of passion and certainty. To Alec, Cecilia was a precious little sister and nothing else. He loved her and felt protective of her in a brotherly way, appreciating her efforts to care for him unselfishly now that he could not care for himself. He wished with all of his heart that one day, Cecilia would find the man who would deserve her noble love.
As Alec strolled along the waterfront with in a gradual pace, he began to notice the change in the air–the heavy dampness that clung as he moved, and he could hear the swelling of the clouds that only emphasized the shimmering movement of the ocean between the shadows. It was so strange, this sense of profound...silence. The only presence that he felt was of his own.
"Ceci?" Alec called out, tilting his ears uncertainly. "Are you there?"
Cecilia had assured that she'd be right behind him, but he could hear no sounds of movement but his own two feet upon the ground and the lapping waves crashing against the shore. His eyebrows furrowed in concern, he ventured further along the shore, his cane tapping against the ground consistently. It was peaceful here and even though he was alone, in a strange way, he felt protected and safe. The moors was his and Vicki's haven of security, after all. It seemed almost irreverent to call out to Cecilia and to disturb the stillness.
The waves reached out to him, retreated and then reached out again with cool fingers. Alec could hear the wind sighing in the treetops surrounding the moor as the breeze dropped down to touch the still water. He felt that it was calling him closer, drawing him away from the cold, damp reality of the keep beyond the trees. There was nothing but the sound and the sense of the wind on the water. Alec followed a path that he remembered and within a few steps, he reached his destination.
He knelt upon a large, flat boulder that overlooked the water and sat there, unmoving, allowing the memories of Vicki to invade him. He thought of her and tears sprang to his eyes. He needed to cry, to vent out his pain that he had struggled so hard to hide. God, Vicki...what we've lost...what we should have had together...our life together....The tears fell upon his cold cheeks, stinging his eyes and making his heart ache so much that he almost cried out in acute pain.
Suddenly, the warmth of the sun was blocked above his head. Alec stiffened, blinking in bewilderment. Someone was standing just above him. His hand reached out and his fingers brushed the firm figure of a person.
"Ceci?" Alec cried. Harsh, low breathing made him realize that it was not the breathing of a woman. "Who's there?" His voice rose in alarm. He could see nothing but darkness, nothing at all.
Suddenly, a strong hand connected with his jaw and the force from the blow sent Alec hurling toward the boulder. His head connected with the hardness of the rock and exploded in pain. The arms reached out toward again and shoved him with profound force into the ocean. Alec had no time to scream before he hit the surface of the ocean.
The water invaded his mouth, seeping into his nostrils, cutting off the air. His arms flailed out helplessly against the peaceful ocean that was now his death trap. Fear made him frantic, alarm made him suffocate in the sensation that he was about to drown. Alec gasped for air, fighting in vain against the waves that consumed his body and sucked him under with its swirling foams. The water assaulted him, sweeping him in a torrent of suffocaton. He struggled against the feeling of cold terror that gripped at his heart but had no choice but to close his eyes in surrender.
Down, down, down the water sucked him under as Alec slipped into its eternal darkness......
Alec could feel the water closing around his body, stopping his breath, but still the water called to him, echoing in its hypnotic voice to the words that frightened him to the very core. *Death is a blessing, come to join the dead...* The slow, wearing agony of disbelief of not knowing what to believe and why he could hear such a supernatural voice...it was a whisper that caressed beside his ear..fading and fading....was killing him. Alec wanted to scream out in agonized frustration but the tide was dragging him down, down down into its abyss of nothingness.
He could not think, he could not breathe. It was a human's instinct to fight against the current for breath, but Alec was too weak to struggle any longer. His limbs and muscles ached and he choked upon the water that invaded his body. The water lured him under, calling for him to come. *Come to know the chill, swirling heart of your terror so it need not haunt you anymore. Come into Death and be with your beloved.
Yes, dying. How easy it was just to give up. Then he would not feel any more pain of being a blind invalid and live a lifetime without his soulmate. Fate was so cruel to separate them. He had nothing left now that his purpose in life was gone, nothing at all. Vicki, Vicki, wait for me, please. Alec could not resist and he submitted to the darkness.
The icy water closed around him and the shock of the bitter cold stabbed at his bones like daggers. As his legs were swept from beneath him, Alec's body was drowned by the force of the rushing tide. The water dragged him, yanking him down in its path. Alec did not struggle any more against the waves, allowing himself to be taken away by furious torrents that had him in its grasp at long last. How easy it was to not try, to just give up. His heart squeezed out a final breath as he began to lose consciousness. Darkness, there was nothing but darkness.
It was then that he saw her. He, a blind man, SAW her. Her lips, ashen and pale as marble, was curved into that familiar aching smile that tore at his heart. Her eyes shone like diamonds against dark velvet searched his face, taking in the curves of his features and she reached out to touch him.Alec anticipated her touch, but he did not feel it. Her hand had penetrated right through his flesh. Light shone about her long, flowing hair like a halo, blinding him with its radiance. Alec would not dare recall the feeling of despair that had spiraled through his body at haven lost her. God, Vicki, you've come back to me. The need, the yearning, the ache from missing her was tearing him apart from within. For a moment, they were suspended in time as the sounds of the waves faded away gently.
"Vicki," He choked out, though no sound emerged. All that he swallowed in was water. It was impossible to breathe now; he almost could not resist slipping away. But he no longer cared. He was with his love finally. Was Vicki with him to beckon him to the other side of the unknown world of the dead? Was she is own Angel, sent to guide him to Heaven?
"No, I'm here to save you," Her voice was soft and lulling, rhythmic and strong. Her voice pulsed through his ears and his body, penetrating in and out. "Alec, it's not your time to go yet. You must live, to clear my name, to unravel the secret of my death and your brother's death. That is your destiny and you must not die until that is completed. There is a horrible secret to uncover, Alec. Nicky and I were murdered and you are the only one I trust, the only I love who can restore justice to me. Avenge what I've lost. Give my soul the peace that I seek."
Gentle tears coursed down her cheeks and Alec instinctively reached over to wipe them away. But he could not, his hand touched only empty space. He didn't understand what she was saying to him. A secret? He could not comprehend what it was that she was trying to tell him–the words were whirling inside of his mind like rapid beats of a drum. Vicki smiled at him once more and she bent her head down until her long hair flowed out like liquid gossamer strands and Alec buried his face within her hair. It smelled like lavender and balmy flowery fragrance. The ache of losing her returned to him again and he grabbed onto the silken strands in desperation, not wanting to let go. But Vicki pushed him away gently, her eyes sparkling with tears and she gave him another hauntingly melancholy smile full of secrets. The halo above her head was growing brighter and brighter, beckoning him forward and into the light. In an instant, a tide could be felt seeping through his body and he was pushed to the surface.
One minute, he was drowning beneath the ocean current and the next his lungs were breathing in air. Air, clean and life giving oxygen. The profound force that saved his life seeped through his body once more until he was flung upon the shore, landing him head first into the softness of the sand upon the shore like a fish out of water. Alec felt profound pain exploding in his head and his eyes closed in exhausted sleep. Moments later, when he woke up, he realized that the sky had darkened to almost nightfall because he felt the wind dipping cooler than before. The water was calmer now, soothing and peaceful once more. In an instant, Vicki's words came back to him, as clear as his memory of her. *Nicky and I were murdered. There is a horrible secret to unravel. Avenge my death.* Was it a dream?
But, no, it couldn't be. Vicki's voice was so full of desperation, her tears genuine. It was her spirit that had saved him from drowning, her own mythical magic that had saved him from certain death. No, it had not been a dream, it was real. Alec struggled to sit up, though the pain in his joints made him wince and stop for a moment to take a deep breath. His clothes, soaked to the skin, clung onto his flesh and he felt blood trickling from the wound that was inflicted upon him from an unknown man who had pushed him into the water. Someone had wanted to kill him, someone who was close to him enough to know that he did not know how to swim. Killing a blind man was easier than swatting a fly and his death would look accidental because he could not see, it would be presumed that he slipped and fell into the water. Vicki had said that there was a secret meant for him to uncover and that she and Nicky were murdered. Alec could barely breathe, so thick was the fear that lodged into his chest. It rippled through his body and he felt it grip onto his heart and never letting him go.
Murder, a secret, a near death experience, a ghost coming back for revenge.
No, this was not a dream, but rather a nightmare come true.
"There he is!" Alec suddenly heard a familiar voice pierce through the night. He cocked his head to the side and groped out for something to hold onto helplessly. His fingers finally found his cane and using it to support his weight, he struggled to stand upright. But pain sliced through his mind and his knees gave way. But he slumped against the arms of someone strong and he heard more footsteps approaching him, running, kicking sand as they came up to him.
"Easy does it, I've got you," A familiar masculine voice assured him, helping him steady his balance. Louis, it was Louis's voice.
"Alec!" It was Cecilia's voice, trembling in fear and apprehension. Her voice sounded as though she was close to tears and on the verge of cracking. Warm hands reached out to him and massaging his hands against her palms. "Look at you, you're shivering like a leaf. What happened? Why are you soaking wet? I searched all over for you just now and you were no where to be found. I had to call the rest to go and search for you. We've been looking for hours now!"
Hours. It had been hours that he'd been submerged under the water. And yet, that was scenically impossible, for a mortal could not survive so long under water without air. And yet, he had. But Alec was no longer surprised. He had seen the apparition of his long dead fiancee, so that him surviving a drowning experience that lasted for hours was nothing short a miracle. But now that Alec had experienced for himself the wonders of miracles, he knew that Vicki would return to him. Ghosts could come back. The child Vicki had been of only twelve years old, retelling her tale of the ghost who had arisen under a Ghost Moon was not a fable. It was genuine and real, just as Vicki's claim that she was murdered was real.
"I–I fell into the water," Alec lied, swallowing back the truth. Now that he knew that his life was at stake after almost drowning, he realized with sorrow that he could not trust anyone of his friends. It was a fear that gnawed away at him, a fear that he had to bury within him. It pained him more than he could bear, to think that his friends could be the culprit in wanting to murder him. He was defenseless against any kind of attack, for he was without sight and his health was hindered by his long unconscious state since the accident. He was at the risk of dying at any time, any moment now that someone had the motivation to eliminate him. But Alec knew that even if he were to sacrifice himself, he must avenge Nicky and Vicki's death. Death no longer made him afraid. He knew that his love would be waiting for him at the other end of the spectrum. But not before he did this one final favor for Vicki, to ease her spirit into final rest.
He forced a small smile of reassurance at his friends. "I was clumsy and I slipped. The rocks were more jagged than I thought. I'm sorry, for making all of you worried about me."
A murmur of sighs went through the crowd and he heard Kristy's voice reply, "Well, you nearly scared us all into believing that you were dead or something," Her voice held a joking ring to it, but after a tense silence, she smiled weakly, "Opps, sorry. Bad humor."
"Let's head back to the hotel," Julian's voice interjected sharply. Alec could hear the resolution in his voice, the weariness. Julian obviously was not pleased about his excuse for slipping. Out of all of his friends, Alec had always found Julian the most moody and aggressive in behavior. But he always admired Julian's fierce loyalty to friends, though his rugged nature could easily offend many. They were not the best of friends, and Alec had never considered Julian a threat. Until now.
"C'mon, let's go and get some supper to eat. It's late." Louis patted his hand briefly.
Louis' arms guided him forward toward the parking lot but then, Alec felt another arm reaching out to him. It was the grip of a woman, her fingers nimble and gentle upon his skin. He heard footsteps moving away from him and yet, this person remained by his side, easing him forward. Alec knew that it was Cecilia who was constantly by his side. And he also knew that without a doubt, Cecilia had nothing to do with his accident. She loved him too much to harm him and it was against all reasonable belief that she could resort to murder. This was the girl whom he had watched grow up before his very eyes, the sweet teenager whose crush on him made him flattered and protective of her. If he was going to solve this case, he needed help. Alec could not do it alone. When he felt certain that all of his three friends was out of the earshot, Alec knew that he and Cecilia finally had their privacy.
"Ceci, can you do me a favor?"
He felt her arm tighten around his and there was a tense silence. Then, she asked curiously. "You know that I'd do anything for you." He felt her eyes boring through his face, even though he could not see. Her gaze was skeptical and in a hurt voice, she accused, "You're hiding something. Something is wrong. I know you too well to believe that you would slip into the water like that. You're too cautious and too smart to tumble in, Alec. But I gues you don't trust me enough to tell me the truth. " Her voice grew strained and she clung onto him with abrupt force, "Did–did anyone push you in? I can tell by your pale complexion that you're frightened about something."
Alec felt heat rising in his cheeks when he realized that Cecilia knew him more than all of his friends knew him. Wise beyond her years, Cecilia could peer straight into his soul. Only Vicki had been able to do that before. It was love that made them both want to comprehend his emotions so well. But no, he couldn't burden Cecilia with this knowledge that burned in his own heart. If someone was after him, then he didn't want her to be dragged down into such a mess. She was innocent. Two deaths of the most important people in his life was enough. He could be the next target, but Cecilia would not be inflicted into this dangerous game of fire.
"I want to come back here tonight," Alec told her solemnly, purposely avoiding her question. He leaned in close to her, lowering his voice in case anyone would be within listening range. He turned his head toward her, unseeing, his brow furrowed in concentration. "I can't find my way alone. Can you drive me out here to the moors again tonight. I need...to prove something to myself. After everyone is asleep, can you drive me out here? I can just be with the waters, alone and you can stay in the car. Please, Ceci. Will you do it for me?'
Cecilia frowned at his request but seeing the intensify in his eyes, she nodded slowly. "Sure," She said uncertainly. "But Alec, why do you need to come back here tonight? The weather reporter predicts that it t might rain tonight and you can get sick. It will be so dark and after your fall, aren't you afraid of harming yourself again?"
"No," Alec's words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself. "It won't be dark. The moonlight will guide me to her and then, I won't be afraid of anything."
"Her?" Cecilia echoed, blinking in confusion but Alec cut her off with a forced laugh.
"Let's hurry or else the car will leave without us," His pace quickened, even as he felt himself stumbling against the sand a few times. Louis, Julian and Kristy would be waiting for him in the car. They would be heading back to the hotel for dinner and then sleep. Alec could not wait until everyone was asleep and he could make his way back to the moors.
Alec anticipated tonight. Tonight, Vicki would return. He didn't know how he knew of this fact, but in his heart, he felt her presence surrounding him already. She would come to him upon a Ghost Moon night, just as she had vowed to him when she was only twelve. Fear pulsed in his veins at the revelations that she and his brother were murdered, mingling along with a bitter sense of anger and helplessness. Who was the killer? Who would want to eliminate a sweet girl like Vicki and his brother? God! Alec's heart sank at the thought of such a cruel twist of fate. It had been almost easier for him to accept Vicki's death when he had believed that it had been an accident, but now, to realize that it was intentional, the pain was so much more piercing and vivid. Life was so precious–he knew that now after living two years in darkness, locked within a coma. Now, without his vision, he was still in darkness and vulnerable to any kind of harm. But strangely, the fear did not exist for him anymore. The shock of these revelations was wearing off. The truth remained that there was a secret and a murder for him to solve. Alec did not fear death. All he wanted was answers and justice given back to the senseless deaths of Vicki and Nicky. He owed them that. It was the last thing that he could do for them. Even if he were to die as the result, it would be worth it.
Vicki, come back to me, Alec prayed in his heart. And this time, he knew that she would.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the privacy of the rented room that Louis shared with Kirsty, he unzipped his duffel bag that he had brought with him to the hotel for their trip back to Cape Cod. Humming in the shower, Kirsty was singing to herself a tune that had been blasting on the radio. He heard the water pulsing down from the showerhead and saw the steam seeping from beneath the door of the bathroom. Good, that meant that she would be in the shower for at least another twenty minutes. Louis knew how his girlfriend loved to feel clean before bedtime. He needed this moment alone, to think of what had happened at the moors that night.
Julian, Kirsty and himself were ready to come searching for Alec and Cecilia to return home when they received a frantic call from Cecilia informing them that Alec had disappeared. Louis had driven to the moors at an alarming speed that would've gained him a speeding ticket if the cops had been around. But luckily, they all made it to the moors in one piece and split up in search of Alec. An hour later, they had found Alec lying soaked and ashen faced upon the shore, when there had been no trace of him there before. Louis knew Alec was lying when he had told them that he had fallen into the water. Alec was not the kind of person to lie about anything and whenever he did, he was bad at it. It was against his nature to fib and yet he had. He had purposely hidden the reason for his fall into the ocean. But for what purpose? Alec could not swim–drowning in the moors was a risk that he wouldn't take unless he wanted to commit suicide. But his spirit was too strong for that, his sense of determination to live too unwavering to give up so easily. Louis could not understand but he knew that he must get to the bottom of this.
He rummaged through folded clothes and personal
toiletries until his hand brushed against a solid object. He took it out of the
bag and held the object in the palm of his hand. It was a rifle, one that his
father often stored in his study room. His father would never know that it was
missing unless he checked, which he would not do because he had locked the
bureau where it was kept. But Louis has stolen the key and here the rifle lay in
his hand, polished silver gleaming in the light.
He quickly and effortlessly loaded the bullets inside the gun. It was so easy to
use a weapon against an enemy. He had been practicing how to shoot at age
fourteen just for the fun of it. But now, it would not be used for fun but to
kill. Louis clutched the rifle in his hands and pretended to pull the trigger at
an invisible target.
"Bang!" Louis whispered under his breath. Bulls eye. He never missed a target and never hesitate to eliminate everything that stood in his path.
If Alec had a secret to hide, then so did he. No one had to find out about it, unless they wanted to have a bullet blown through their brain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The moors was still that night and Alec sought for refuge in its tranquility. The sound of the ocean intruded into his thoughts, urging him to follow the soothing rumble of the shore to the loch. Here the bushes surrounding the area were heavy with moisture and he lost himself in its leafy protection. At the edge of the water, his cane swaying to and fro in front of him, Alec walked closer to the bank and breathed in the darkness. He indulged in this feeling of being alone. The darkness soothed him and gave him peace. Cecilia had kept her promise and had driven him back to the moors at the stroke of midnight after everyone had gone to bed. She had promised him to remain in the car and Alec trusted that she would. He needed this solitude and yearned for it. Only in the solitude would Vicki come for him, as he knew she would.
The moonlight shone brightly tonight, as Alec could feel it against his skin. It was unusually warm, almost like a filtering of heat bathing down upon him in shimmering moonbeams. A Ghost Moon tonight; it was not a wonder that its rays were so usually warm. Kneeling among the sand, Alec leaned out for the waves. Its movements calmed him, seemed to run through his head, flooding away all traces of violence, doubt and sorrow. In this moment, Alec felt the familiar ache sweep through him, the sorrow of missing her. Her laughter, her voice, her tears and her smile at him flashed in his mind. He indulged in the beauty of her, the fleeting memory of the girl he had ever loved. He missed her with a passion, loved her with his entire being. He would do anything for her, if only she would come back.
Suddenly a gust of wind carried a sound of laughter to his ears and he felt a gentle caress upon the flesh of his skin. He cocked his head uncertainly toward the sound of the wind, crying out hopefully, a smile on his lips. "Vicki?" He wanted to know. "Is that you? Are you here?"
There was a moment of nothingness. Even the wind had ceased to blow. All was still, in anticipation of this moment in Time. Alec strained his ear to listen, holding onto his breath anxiously.
"Vicki?" He prompted again. Would she really appear tonight or was her words merely a part of his imagination. He prayed with all of his heart that she would. "Vicki?"
"I'm here," She finally whispered in his ear, her voice distinctively hers and hers alone. "I'm back."
Vicki could barely believe her eyesight, her sense of smell, her fortune of being dead for over two years and now resurrected for one night to be with the man she loved more than her life. She saw him, his beautifully familiar face, and she could smell him, his fresh natural scent of wood and pine needles and the rushing waters of the river.
Everything about him reminded her painfully and bitterly about the life that she once had, about the love that was once hers, but now all gone...gone....Her love with Alec was like a shooting star that had streaked across her dismal, dark existence and his love had lit up its darkness. But it was so fragile, so brief and so fleeting. But no matter; she was back to be with her love, only if it was just for one night. God had given her soul this chance to be loved once more..just this once....
Alec stood before her, his features made silver in the glimmering moonlight that rose within the dark horizon like a beacon of hope and surfacing upon the misty clouds like shimmering jewels. His eyes, unblinking, searched for her in the night and she knew that he could not see her. She had seen him in the hospital, when he had been too exhausted to await for her return. She remembered vowing to him on that long ago summer when she had been twelve that if she were ever to become a ghost, then she would come back to him. Those sacred words were embedded in her memory, imprinted in her heart, and even though she was merely a spirit without substance caught between this world and the next, unable to rest, she must seek him out.
Yet here he was, in living form, standing before her, waiting for her, always waiting. Alec, her Alec. Though there were so many doubts and sorrows that tore away at her heart, causing it to bleed and for her to fear for what savage secret that had killed her and Nicky on that fatal night two years ago, Vicki never doubted Alec`s love for her. His love and his devotion burned within his eyes then, and without hesitating, Vicki slipped into his open embrace. Though she was of an invisible form, consisting of nothing but thin air and magical dust of the heavens, Vicki`s emotions were as human as any mortal. Tears slipped down an ashen, ghostly face as she sobbed in his shoulder, wrenching sobs that tore from deep within her. How long has it been since she had cried alone, condemned to live upon this world without a human form, and knowing that her love was so out of reach?
For a long moment, palms cupped around Alec`s flushed cheeks, Vicki simply stared at him—at the sweet innocence that shone in his unseeing, luminous eyes, the soft curve of his sensual lips, the quiet strength in the body that had deteriorated drastically after the trauma of awakening from a coma that had robbed two years of his life. He was so thin that she felt his brittle bones beneath her ghostly hand and saw the pallor to his flesh and the fragility of his body. But he was still Alec, still her Alec, though he seemed ten times more vulnerable and delicate than she could have imagined. Vicki caught this fleeting moment in Time, wanting to remember Alec the way he was at that moment, the peace and serenity upon that boyishly handsome face and the love that shown in his eyes meant only for her. She was a ghost and yet, he did not fear her or recoil from her in disbelief and resentment. He accepted her just the way she was, and loved her just the same. Vicki took in the selfless beauty of him and wondered how she could have believed, even for an instant, that she could live without ever haven known Alec`s love.
"Vicki...." Alec`s soft voice whispered through her ghostly hair but she did not want to break the spell. She only had one night to be with him, only night before the next Ghost Moon rose, which would not be for a long, long time. She did not want him to speak–she heard all of his thoughts in the every heartbeat, every release of breath that he took. She knew him too well and loved him too much to allow this night to be wasted with idle words.
"No, please," Vicki begged him tearfully, nestling her head against the curve of his broad shoulder once more and loving the warmth that flowed through his human body and her ghostly form. It has been forever since she had been able to touch a mortal and especially to touch a mortal who was her love. "Just hold me, please. No words now. Just hold me as tight as you can, Alec. I miss you so much. God only knows how much...."
Alec`s lips curved into a tender smile and he nodded numbly, choking back tears as he pressed her even tighter than before. She felt so right in his arms, as though she was moulded out of clay to belong in his embrace. Oh God, Vicki, to have you back with me....The word *missing you* was not enough to convey how he felt at that moment. No word could describe the emotions that he felt coursing through his blood. He had been trapped in a coma for two years without realizing that his fiancee and his brother had died a death that was intentional. Nicky`s life, his own life with Vicki, their futures, were destroyed in just one blink of an eye. Their destinies resembled a candle on the verge of blowing itself out. Just one breath, and then the flickering light would die. It was so easy for the cruel twist of Fate to destroy their lives, to shatter all of their dreams. The anguish and the torture of realizing that he would have to live without Vicki, without sharing her laughter or her tears, or feel her body next to him killed him inside. That agony was shredding away at his soul until he would ultimately be a walking Death, still breathing and of flesh and blood, but he would be nothing but a dead spirit. No, the words *missing you* would never be enough to convey his pain and his love for the girl he could never have.
Alec`s head spun with love for her and he could almost cry out in pain at the sorrow that tore at him from within for the love that they had once shared. His arms wrapped around her, and though he felt nothing but air in his arms, he knew that what he held within his hands was more precious to him than the great treasures of the world. He felt the heat within her, the passion that pulsed through the air that he held, and he felt the sorrowful yearning in his own chest. The whispering stillness of the loch was drawing him deeper in this beautiful experience of having Vicki back with him. Her return to him was nothing short of a miracle and Alec silently thanked the only One who could have granted such a miraculous blessing that was Vicki.
Vicki sensed Alec`s gratitude and felt his pain. She felt his loss in the painful dragging of his heartbeat and the tears that burned in her own eyes. Yes, their loss...all that they`ve lost, which was so much, too much. Time could not repair the damage that had been done to them, but there was hope. It was a fragile, fleeting sense of hope that she knew might not exist but she would never give up. God knew just how much she ached for their love, and how much injustice was brought upon them by a cruel hand of Fate. Or either that, the cruel hand of her and Nicky`s murderer.
"Alec, you believe in me don`t you?" She lifted her head away from his chest, though she craved his familiar touch the moment she left the security of his arms. "I`m a ghost, but I`m here with you. This is ludicrous, for me to exist in the mortal world. I am dead, but I have risen from the dead to be with you. This is no joke. Only a miracle given to us for this one night. Trust me in me, Alec. I will never harm you."
"I trust you with my life," Alec did not hesitate to tell her. "The child that you had been had vowed to me that you would come back upon a Ghost Moon night, remember? I never forgot or would ever forget. You exist." He knew that Vicki was there with him. How could he not when he FELT her. He could not see but he felt her presence as clearly as though she were of solid form. His heart would not lie to him. It was her voice, her sweet scent of heather, lavender and fresh lilies. Did she not know that he would go to the end of Hell and back for her? (*as he has done in SS* *grin*). His eyes misted over when he reached out for her and felt nothing. Only air. She was right there with him but unreachable. "Vicki, I`d give my life to you if I could. I`d die for you if given the chance. I would never regret it. You the one I trust the most in this lifetime, or any lifetime. I love you."
Vicki`s tear fell softly at the simplicity of Alec`s words and the genuineness of his devotion. *I love you*—three simple words, but coming from Alec, it was enough to make her not regret living this lifetime. She has died most horribly but to die with the certainty that she has known a love such as Alec`s love for her was worth it. She took his hand in hers, though her transparent fingers slipped through his flesh. He could not feel her touching him, but she held onto his hand nevertheless. She felt the weight of his hand within hers, comforted by the warmth of it, and took in the beauty of his long and tapered fingers. These were the fingers who had ran through her hair and stroked her skin and touched her with so much tenderness. She clutched onto his hand and drew it toward where her heart would have been beating in her chest, if she had not died.
Sobs wracked her body until she felt her very soul aching. Tears of endless regret, sorrow, yearning, longing. Tears that she knew would never cease. But now was not the time to break down. Vicki willed herself to compose her emotions. She came back not only to be with Alec once more, but also to avenge her death and Nicky`s death. As senseless as their deaths had been, it had also been immaculately planned and plotted so that no one would suspect of foul play. No one, of course, but a ghost who had risen from the dead.
"Nicky and I were murdered," The words slipped from her mouth before she could stop herself. She had not wanted to blurt out the truth so abruptly, but it was too late. The painful truth was spoken. She wanted to shield Alec with that harsh truth if she could, but he was her only hope. He needed to know and must know. She saw Alec`s face pale and his eyes darken. "We were murdered by someone close to us, Alec. Our friends. Believe me when I say so please. I was killed! That accident was not your fault, but the fault of someone who wanted me dead!"
Alec felt the constriction in his throat blocking off air. He choked for a moment, and then coughed into his hand. Vicki`s vision to him in the moment that he should have drowned earlier that day had confirmed his suspicions that there had been foul play involved in their deaths, and even then in the vision, he had believed her. In his heart, he had known that the accident was too fishy, too abrupt and that there were holes in the story of how the car had gotten out of control. But now, to hear her voice confirming of such a horrid accusation left him numb with terror. Vicki`s voice, clear and definite, made his blood run cold because the truth was startlingly undeniable. He was stricken with terror and his heart squeezed tightly in his chest.
Fear. Disbelief. Sorrow. Not for himself, but only for Vicki and his brother. They had died in the fire, died a torturous death full of eternal pain and agony. He was the sole survivor but he wanted to die with them. Now he was speaking to a ghost of the girl who had once lived, but was now dead. All of this suffering was at the fault of whom? His friends? Was it Louis, Julian, Kristy or Cecilia? He could barely catch his breath and he almost collapsed if it had not been for the support of the cane that he used to catch his balance. He believed her words. She was right – the accident had been no accident. Just as certain as Alec was of ths fact, he was equally certain that the ghost of Vicki was back for revenge.
"Alec?" Vicki leaned toward him, concerned at the extreme pallor of his complexion. His shoulder was trembling and she feared that he would not be able to handle such a devastating blow. No, she never wanted to hurt Alec, but she had no choice. The truth hurt, but it was the truth. " Alec, are you alright?" Desperation shook her voice and she yearned at that moment to be able to hold him in her arms and to have him feel her touching him, comforting him.
"I–I`m fine," He choked out, though she knew that he was lying. Sweat glistened on his brow and his face was as white was marble. Tears shone in the depths of his eyes and he shook his head sorrowfully. "I knew it, you know. I knew that the accident was faulty. Even though everyone told me that it was just f lute accident, there was something unbelievable about the circumstances. I wasn`t drunk that night, Vicki, not even one glass of alcohol. I remember that I was the designated driver for you to get home, so I didn`t want to take a chance with beer. How could the car have gotten out of control and slipped down the ravine? Maybe I was my fault, I don`t know! But this is murder we`re talking about! Vicki, do you know who was the culprit? Or was it my fault after all?" His voice caught in his throat at the final remark in regret, his jaw clenching painfully.
Vicki smiled sadly at Alec`s innocence. He was a man without deceit. Would he believe her when she told him that the accident was a plot to destroy her and Nicky? He was always the first to blame himself and not place the blame on anyone else.
"No, it was murder," Vicki told him in resignation.
Alec sensed her hesitance and even though she did not utter sound, he knew that she was frightened. He believed her claim. Murder. He closed his eyes briefly and opened them again to see nothing but darkness. But he SAW the truth. That was enough. He bent over to her, guessing that she was standing close to him and reached out to her.
Solemnly, he whispered to the air, "Vicki, I will do anything to find the murderer. You`re afraid to tell me something. What is it? I can die for you, you know that. Nothing matters to me now that everything is take away from me. If I die, I know that you`ll be on the other side. Tell me what you want me to do. No regrets ever, Vicki. This is my own vow to you. Let me bring justice to your death and my brother`s death. Please."
Vicki turned to look up at his face bent in the glimmering moonlight, so fragile and so gaunt with sorrows marked by the lines in his once youthful face. The accident had killed Alec as well, she knew, not physically but emotionally. The tears fell faster now, blurring the image of his face in her eyes.
"You can go back in Time, Alec," Vicki choked out the words through her tears, though her voice was strangely calm. Inside, she was trembling like a left, so acute was the fear that robbed her of reason. "Ghost Moons can grant you that one wish. You may go back in Time and experience your life over again. You can re-live that night again in your mind and you can change the past. It is this chance that you may find who the murderer is and prevent mine and Nicky`s death." The tears flowed faster and faster her and the ache was spreading through her body, slicing away at her. "You can reshape the future but Alec—"
Alec`s voice cut off her sentence. "My God!" He cried, his voice rising in wonder and disbelief. He could barely believe his ears, so great was his joy that was mounting from within him. " Vicki, does that mean that I can save you and Nicky? I can truly change the future and prevent this tragedy from happening?"
Vicki`s heart ached at the pure joy at lit up his face and for the first time since, she saw those dark eyes of his light up with life. Those dark caverns of emptiness were now sparked with life and if she looked past the pallor and the gauntness of his face, he looked like the healthy and confidant Alec of two years ago. He was so innocent, so very innocent to think that such a miracle would not come with a deadly price.
"You get to go back in Time upon every Ghost Moon that rises above in the night," Vicki whispered hoarsely, her tears stinging her eyes. "But each time you do so, you will stop breathing for the amount of time that you are trapped within Time. You will have no brain activity and no life within you. Every five minutes that you are brain dead is one hour in the Time within the past. There are only two more Ghost Moons that will rise within this decade, besides the one tonight and each Moon will have its limits on how long you may remain in the past. A human body most likely die after more than twenty minutes without oxygen and even then, they will suffer consequences such as brain damage, comas and genuine death. I — can`t — "
Vicki broke off abruptly, the tears closing around her voice so that she could not speak. She could barely believe that she had spoken such an arrangement to Alec. He had survived the accident. That in itself was a blessing and now, she was asking him to agree to such a deadly arrangement. She loathed herself and despised herself for placing her love in danger. And yet, it was something that she could not help but do. For the murderer who had taken her life and Nicky`s life most cruelly was alive and in existence. Being the sole survivor to the accident, Alec was in danger either way. His life was dangling by a threat. Just like today by the river when she had known that he had been pushed into the river, she had struggled to save him. Someone knew that Alec was unable to swim and with his blindness, eliminating him was easy. He could die so very easily. But not at her expense. Please not at her expense.
She choked back her sobs and whispered brokenly, "Alec, I can`t ask you to do this... I can`t...."
But Alec was already nodding his head in agreement. His eyes were levelled and bestowed nothing but peace and serenity. He believed in Vicki and he knew that she did not want to put his life in danger. But he didn`t care if he died this time. If he died knowing the truth, then it would be worthy of his life.
"I dont`care if I die! I am dead without you, Vicki!" He laughed dryly, without mirth. He could not see, but he knew that she was there, crying in sorrow and pain. Her tears were like daggers in his chest, eating away at him. He wanted her to have peace. He would risk anything for that. "Don`t you see? There is nothing left for me in this lifetime. I am only alive with you in my life. These two days after haven awoken from the coma, I feel as though I am merely a body without substance, missing and yearning for you, but never being able to reach you. Vicki, what a miracle a Ghost Moon is. This is our chance— my chance — to bring life back to you and Nicky. If I can discover the truth in the past, then this tragedy would have prevented. You and I ---- we can get married and have the simple wedding in the meadows that you`ve always wanted." A soft smile traced along the corner of his lips as he remembered her wishes for a simple wedding, nothing elaborate. Vicki was always as simple and pure in her wishes. His bride. If only....if only....
Stubborn determination pulsed through him and he knew that he needed to do this. "If I could trade my life for the truth, for the chance to stop your killer from harming you and my brother, why would I hesitate? Vicki —" He reached out blindly for her, grasping onto air. Tears coursed down his cheeks, only to be blown away by the night wind that was getting stronger and restless as the night deepened. "Give me this chance to give us back what we`ve lost. I want to do it, please. Anything for you. I`d do anything."
Vicki could not speak; her emotions would not allow her and the tears were lodged so deep within her throat that she could not utter a word. Alec loved her. He always had and he always will. Not many women can find such divine love in life. But Vicki had, in life and in death. She was beyond grateful to him, beyond loving him. She knew that she owed him so much more than what she can give him. Sweet Alec, do you know that you are gambling with Death? But he knew. Vicki saw the solemn grief in his eyes, but she also knew that his spirit was restless as hers was. He needed to find the truth, as did she. Alec was not stupid, just merely the most foolish man on the planet. He was risking his life to give her back the life that was once hers. Sacrifice. Vicki would never forget what she owed him and what she will always owe him.
"Thank you," She breathed out those words that would never convey her gratitude to him. He could die because of this one chance to find out the truth. He could die and then he would lose everything. But he will do anything for her and that was what frightened her. Alec loved her for all eternity, though she would never be worthy of his love. Secrets burned within her soul, but no was not the time to voice them out, not the time to tell him all. His love for her touched to the core and made her wish that she could live up to the beautiful man that he was in his selflessness and his virtue. "What can I do, Alec, but say thank you? Do you really want to do this?"
"I want to," Alec was never certain of anything in his life. "You don`t owe me anything. Just promise you will still love me once it is over. If I survive then we will have our life again. If I die, then wait for me on the other side, please. Will you?" Those luminous, unseeing eyes searched for her in the darkness and she cried softly at the beauty of his selfless soul. He looked so uncertain as he questioned her love, almost as if he did not realize how much she loved him, just how much.
Vicki`s eyes misted over gently. "Forever, Alec, I`ll be waiting for you."
The moon was rising higher in the sky now and she knew that the time was near. It was now or never. Ghost Moons were at its brightest at three o`clock in the morning and its most powerful when the clouds cleared out of its way. Warm rays bathed upon them, warming them both as ethereal light basked down upon them from above like lights of mercy. Alec sensed the change in the air as the wind picked up and he knew that the time had arrived. Suddenly, the clouds parted and the shimmering silver light shone down upon him like a light beam of profound energy.
In an instant, Alec could see. Vicki stood in front of him, not of intangible form but in her human form. She laughed when she realized that he could see her and in an instant, he held her in his arms while the ethereal light surged upon them like glimmering rays of moonbeams. Alec saw through his eyes the beauty of Vicki and saw his joy mirrored in her eyes flecked with moonlight. He considered her sculptured profile–the sweet curve of her mouth, the sparkle in her large eyes, the soft, luminous beauty that characterized her features. She looked surreal in her beauty and yet, she was real and solid in his arms. A blind man who can see, a ghost who has risen from the dead, a murder which can be prevented. All at once, Alec knew that God wanted him to go back into Time, to prevent the wrong that had befallen upon them. Ghost Moons were a phenomenon that derived from the giving of miracles from the Heavens. He had no doubt about it.
"I`m afraid," Vicki whispered, her voice trembling. She clung onto him desperately. "Alec, you will go soon back through Time. I can`t reach you there, I can`t help you. You must be careful, please. We don`t know who our enemy is, we don`t know who we`re dealing with."
"I`ll come back to you," Alec assured her with conviction. "Because I know that you`ll be waiting. How can I not?"
Vicki choked back her tears and nodded despite her gnawing fears. Then, she raised her mouth to meet his as he bent forward. He kissed mouth, her face and her forehead tenderly, relishing in that moment when he could hold her within his arms and never wanted to let go. With her in his embrace, Alec knew that anything could happen. He held onto her with all the love and passion that remained unspoken as they watched the loch change and saw how the swirling mist hovered above the water, wrapping the beach in drifts of cool white magic. In that moment, the water full of shifting secrets, the silver-touched leaves of the trees all around made Vicki tremble at the mysteriousness of it. Frightened and enthralled by their magnificence, she saw the image of Alec and herself in the shimmering upon the surface of the loch. He was holding her close and she seemed to belong in his arms, forever more.
Vicki had never feared the water but that night, she did. That night, there was not the usual serenity of peacefulness that she often found in it. That night, in the stillness of the moonlight, there was only the whisper of her name falling from Alec`s lips telling her that he would love her always. He looked strangely at peace, his features calm as he accepted his fate of death. His eyes were full of tears, but the serenity in his gaze revealed that he had no doubts about what he was about to do. But Vicki feared for him and she clung onto him, resting her face against his chest. In one moment, she heard his heart beating like a steady drum and the next, there was none at all. The moonlight was blinding by then and Vicki screamed as she was wrenched from his arms and flung into the oblivion of darkness.
Colors whirled within Alec, hot and fevered, bright and blinding, setting his heart pounding and his head spinning. He had the sensation that Vicki was no longer with him and at that thought, his heart ached. He took one breath and then, there was no air. He choked and felt himself falling into a sea of nothingness.
But suddenly, someone caught him in their arms. He blinked at the sight of Cecilia`s tear-streaked face looming before him and she was crying out his name, "Alec! What`s wrong?" But her voice sounded so far away, like an echo stirring in his mind but he could barely hear her. He gasped for breath and choked again and this time, Cecilia bent down and covered her mouth over his. He felt warm air surging into his mouth, but still, he was choking, unable to breathe. She lay him on his back on the ground and thumped her fist against his chest to resuscitate him. One thump, two thumps, three thumps. He was slowly losing consciousness and the last thing he saw was the glittering of Cecilia`s tears in the moonlight upon her smooth cheeks as she screamed out his name. He was slipping into the darkness as it guided him to join it in.
In a heartbeat, Alec`s eyes snapped open.
"Alec?"
Blinding white light greeted him and it took his eyes a moment to adjust to its brilliance. When he opened his eyes again, he found himself sitting in the driver`s seat of the car. A truck passed him by, honking its horn shrilly. He blinked again and then, he realized that the Ghost Moon had done its job. He was back in the past, back in the body of Alec Su two years ago, back in a body that could see!
"Alec, you look funny. What`s with the bewilderment? You okay?"
Alec turned toward the voice and his heart began to race erratically. Nicky, his brother, sat beside him in the passenger seat of the car, gazing at him quizzically. He looked just as he had always looked, dressed in his usual conservative yet stylish dark chinos and white ruby shirt that showed off his tan and his muscular built. Nicky, the handsome younger brother whom Alec had loved with all of his heart, was very much alive and well.
Alec could barely catch his voice. "Um, I`m fine." He lied through his teeth. Yes, he was fine, haven been sent back into the past two years ago to stop a murder. Fine indeed. A lump formed behind his throat and he struggled for composure.
As he turned a corner, he suddenly realized that he was driving toward Vicki`s house. The large, spacious home stood proud and tall within an upperclass neighbourhood. It was an old house, renovated to look new with its gleaming windows, wide front door and stylish architecture. Its high roof and grey stoned walls created a grandness to the home surrounded by lush grass and magnolia trees and a colourful patch of flowers that lined the front yard. It was the home of a wealthy couple and their only daughter, the cherished Vicki Zhao, and Alec`s fiancee. On the outside, the house looked cozy and warm, classy and elegant. Alec had never liked the house from within.
"We–we`re visiting Vicki?" Alec wanted to know, stammering in confusion as he turned in toward the driveway. It was then that he noticed Louis`jeep parked in front of Mr. Alexander Zhao`s silver Mercedes gleaming in the afternoon sunlight. Louis was here, which would mean that Kristy was here.
"It`s her Dad`s birthday remember?" Nicky eyed his brother in confusion and exasperation. "What gives, Alec? Why the amnesia-like symptoms here? It`s your future father in law`s birthday! Don`t you remember?"
Alec remembered, all too clearly. It was Alexander Zhao`s fifty-third birthday and it was a grand event, one that was for celebration. It was also the night that his and Vicki`s engagement would be publically announced for the world to hear. That would be exactly two weeks before the night of the accident. God, two weeks! His mind whirled in disbelief and horror. How was he supposed to prevent the accident from happening when he was given so little time and the time span was so far from the time of the accident? Cold fury washed over him, mingled with a feeling of helplessness. What was he supposed to do?
"C`mon," Nicky urged him in his usual brisk way. "We`re already running late."
Alec watched dumbly as his brother hopped up the steps toward the veranda and rung the doorbell. Suddenly, he felt as though someone was watching him and he spun around. Cecilia stood behind him, having approached him only moments before. He would have almost screamed, startled, if it had been anyone but Cecilia. She was so silent and even in her movements, Alec often wondered if she made any noise at all. She looked pretty in a plain white dress that dipped off of her slender shoulders, revealing girlish youthful curves that had not been there a few years ago. In Alec`s eyes, Cecilia was always the little sweet child, and in some moments when she appeared to be so wise with those dark eyes of hers and her blossoming womanly body, he would realize that she was indeed all grown up. His little Cecilia, the child who had grown up in front of his eyes as his neighbour and friend.
"Long time no see," He blurted out without reason and smiled at her to cover up his blunt nervousness. He was on edge, that much he was certain.
"I just saw you yesterday," Cecilia laughed at him and the sadness within those dark brown depths were fleetingly erased. She looked radiantly beautiful when she smiled, which was so rare, and Alec patted her arm affectionately. When she smiled, for an instant, she reminded him of the beauty of Vicki, though he had no idea why.
"Seems like two years ago to me," Alec quipped and regretted his comment that would make no sense to Cecilia of the past.
To hide his embarrassment, he quickly led her up the steps, his head bent downward in shame. He felt Cecilia`s questioningly concerned gaze on him at his remark and he ignored it. He felt as though he was a fish out of water. This was not his body but the body of the Alec in the past. He had to be careful or else he would cause attention to himself. Trembling slightly, Alec struggled for composure and knew that he must give his best performance now. He had to pretend that he knew nothing about the murder – he was the innocent Alec of the past. But Alec knew that he must see one person. Vicki, he needed to see Vicki. Just seeing her would calm his nerves and make this nightmare bearable. It was worth his life to see her again.
The door to the house of stone swung open and Alec hesitated a moment before entering. It was now or never and time was not on his side. He took a deep breath and ushered Cecilia in through the wide wooden doors and moved inside the house before the door closed behind him with a deafening thud and shutting out the light.
There was no heartbeat. None at all. His head lay against the dampness of the sand as the waves came hurling foams at his side. His eyes were open in wide shock, unblinking and unseeing. His stare frightened her to the core; she had the sinking sensation that it was the stare of a man long dead. Dead. No, not dead. He can't die. God, not Alec! Please don't let him die!
"ALEC!" Cecilia's cry echoed into the night, sorrowful and hopeless.
Her hand was placed against his heart, pumping and pumping, willing him to live. Live Alec. Please live. One thump, two thumps, three thumps. His open shirt was allowing her hand to revive him, but there was no response. Nothing. She bent over his body and placed her mouth against his. She breathed for him, willing every life force within her to merge with his. Warm air flooded his mouth as Cecilia breathed in for him again. Again. Again. One thump, two thump, three thumps. Harder and harder she struggled to resuscitate him, her fists slamming against his bare chest. Alec, Alec, snap out of it. Breathe for me, Alec....
She was losing him; she knew it. It had already been more than five minutes since she found him choking by the shore and now, he was unresponsive to every method of resuscitation method that she had tried. Damn, she shouldn't have allowed him to stay on the beach by himself! A blind ailing man alone at midnight on a deserted beach. Anything could have happened to him. But he had been so persistent, begging her to drive him to the beach tonight, his voice definite and reassuring her that nothing was going to happen. I'll be fine, he had said with his gentle smile. Wait for me in the car. And she had. Now, Alec was dying and it was all her fault.
Cecilia choked back tears of desperation and mounting fear as her mind whirled at what to do next. She need to find medical help but she didn't dare leave him by himself. Again and again, she breathed for him so that even her own breath became ragged and harsh. She would have infused her own breath and blood into him if only he would live again. He was more precious to her than her own life because for the first time, he needed her to care for him. After Vicki's accident, she knew that he was only a shell of his former self, a man bent on grief and guilt. Though he was wonderful at displaying his comfort to everyone, even his friends, Cecilia knew him too well and she saw the pain in his eyes each time he struggled to hide it. Vicki had been his salvation and now she was gone. She knew that Alec longed for his own death after losing the one purpose in his life, but not this way, Alec! Don't die this way!
"What the hell did you do to him?"
The harsh voice startled her. Cecilia spun around to find the figure of Julian looming over her shoulder. His face was etched in darkness but she sensed the seething fury in his eyes. She barely had the time to find her voice before he flung her so forcefully to the side that she almost toppled to the sand at her feet. Julian instantly bent over Alec and snatched his wrist to find a pulse. She saw his horror-stricken face turning toward her and she knew that he had not found a pulse. Alec was not breathing. There would not be a pulse to begin with.
"He's –" Julian staggered backwards, almost losing his balance as he backed away from Alec's body in stunned realization. "He's dead..."
"No..." Cecilia could barely recognize her voice. The thin whisper seemed to come from another person entirely. She moved toward the body, intending on trying out CPR one more time. She wouldn't believe Julian's words. Not dead. Not Alec. "He – he can't be dead!"
"You killed him!" Julian suddenly raged at her. He was on his feet in an instant and his fiery glare at her could have melted metal. His voice rose, laced with bitter resentment. "You B*tich! You were the one who sabotaged Nicky's car and sent him and Vicki to their early graves, didn't you? And you made Alec blind and now you're trying to finish him off? Is that it? I never liked you from the start and I never bough your innocent act like the rest did. I knew that you were up to something by wanting to come back to Cape Cod and pretending to be so helpful with Alec. You wanted to steal Vicki's fiancee from her from the very beginning – I saw how you looked at him and how much you wanted him for yourself. But to kill Vicki and Nicky and now Alec for your own selfish needs? Damn you for trying to hurt my friends!"
Cecilia could barely believe what he was trying to accuse her of. Murder. He truly believed that she would be capable of killing off those innocent lives and now, trying to kill Alec? Yes, she had always loved Alec ever since she had been nine years old. He had been her savior from her unhappy family life at home. He was always the one who would treat her as an adult, even though their age difference was a large gap. He treated her with respect and gave her fulfillment in her time of need when she had no self esteem as a woman left. He gave her the will to live, even after her mother's death. She had loved him with the love of a woman to a man even before she realized that he had fallen in love with someone else. That person was Vicki, the love of his life. Cecilia could not deny Julian's accusations: She was guilty of loving Alec. But she did not kill Vicki and Nicky. She would not even dream of wanting to hurt Vicki. No...don't accuse me of such things!
She shrank away from Julian's violent glare and choked back the tears that threatened to spill. She didn't know why Julian was here or how he had known that she and Alec had gone to the bayou, but here he was in front of her. His blazing eyes lit with a sense of hatred that she had never seen before and a shiver of profound panic seized her in its grip. It took all of her will to keep from collapsing with fear even though her legs felt as weak as liquid.
"N-No, it's not what you think!" Cecilia screamed out thinly, even as Julian approached her cautiously and purposely slow. "Alec was choking and I don't know how or why! Listen Julian –" Her eyes darted frantically toward Alec's body on the sand and her heart wrenched with pain when she saw the pallor, bluish tinge to his complexion. No oxygen, no heartbeat. He was dying right in front of her eyes! "We can talk about this later. Alec needs help now and fast! He's going to die if we don't get help for him –"
But her words were cut off as Julian hurled himself on top of her, his eyes blazing with vengeance. Cecilia screamed and screamed, her arms lashing out to slap him. Her hand connected to his jaw and she struggled against his attack. But her efforts were futile as Julian's body weight pinned her to the ground. One hand wound her left arm behind her back as the other hand pushed her down into the softness of the sand. She tasted blood as he yanked her brutally toward him, his hand running down the smoothness of her face in gradual, exaggerated motions. She saw the hatred blazing in his eyes and realized that he was serious. He truly wanted to kill her – or at least harm her in some way. He was not kidding around. She had never been close to Julian, as he was Alec's friend and not her own, but she knew of his rugged nature and unstable temperament. But she believed that he would not harm her...until now....
"Julian –" Cecilia whimpered tearfully, but in an instant, his palm clamped against her mouth, muffling her screams.
"Tell me the truth," He warned her, his eyes shining with strange glow in the moonlight. He leaned closer to her so that his warm breath brushed against her face. "Tell me the truth about what happened that night two years ago. I know that you know the truth, Cecilia. Don't feed me any lies. Alec isn't breathing. I came too late to save him. He's already dead. But you're still alive, aren't you? You won't be long if you don't answer my questions honestly. So then, justify yourself. Why the hell did you bring him out here in the middle of the night? You know that he's weak after waking up from that coma and vulnerable because he can't see a damn thing. Is that why you brought him out here? To kill him, just like you did Nicky and Vicki? I want to know the truth. Now, spill it."
Hot, furious tears coursed down her face as she nodded her head in consent. It has been so long since she could confide in anyone. Julian, though as rough as he was, truly seemed to care about Alec's welfare. She didn't care if anything happened to her – she alone would be willing to repent for all of the sins of the past. Yes, she would tell him the truth. Someone deserved to know the truth. Because it was over now...that Alec was gone...
______________________________________________________________________________
The moment Alec stepped into Vicki's home, he had the sinking sensation that he didn't belong.
For Alexander Zhao's birthday party, all of the festivities were in high swing. Alec knew that Vicki's father was a lavish spender and loved his money almost as much as his whiskey, but this party was one of the most richest and wonderfully elegant party bashes that he's even had the privilege to be invited to. Lush decorations of gold and silver streamers etched above the rising ceiling from above as waiters and waitresses strolled by with platters of food and appetizers. Classical Mozart played in the background as the live orchestra conducted another breathtaking piece of music while the elegantly-dressed guests streamed in and out of the dining room and out into the hallway that connected to the family room where the vanilla icing cake was displayed.
It was not just simply an ordinary birthday party event, Alec knew, but also a social statement. Alexander Zhao was a prominent doctor apteral, and Vicki's mother was a brilliant lawyer. They were the image of the *perfect family* and had a beautiful and bright daughter whom Alec loved with all of his heart. Vicki Zhao was such a daughter and though Alec knew that the son of a simple grocery store owner such as himself would never be good enough for her, he felt grateful for having the chance to court her and even propose to her. Vicki was too good for him, he always felt, and being amid the people dressed in more riches than he could ever dream of owning, the sensation of abandonment and discomfort was more alarming than ever.
"Alec, glad you could make it."
Alec jumped at the deep and rich voice of Alexander Zhao. He glanced up, struggling to free himself from his thoughts and forced a small smile at Vicki's father. As always, Alexander Zhao was dressed immaculately in a dark blazer, silk blue shirt and navy trousers. He was the image of a man with power and authority, his aristocratic face seemingly unwrinkled and aged in spite of his fiftieth birthday celebration. His dark eyes twinkled merrily at Alec and those eyes reminded him of Vicki –– she had inherited her father's wide and beautifully dark eyes full of mischief one moment and melancholy the next. The slightly greying hair at his temples only seemed to make Alexander Zhao even more elegant and refined than ever before and his tall and domineering physique from many years of weight lifting as a youngster revealed a healthy and tanned body to match the finely chiseled handsomeness of a man who truly knew what he wanted out of life. Alec admitted to haven always felt ill at ease with Alexander Zhao because he realized just what he was up against. He was battling against a prestigious neurosurgeon for the hand of his daughter in marriage. Though Alexander Zhao had never expressed his distaste for Vicki's choice in a suitor, Alec always had the feeling that her father never approved of him either.
"Mr.Zhao," Alec nodded his respected shyly to the older man, gripping his hands together anxiously. It was of no surprise to him that he was sweating like a pig in front of Vicki's father; that was always the case. "Happy Birthday to you. I'm glad I could make it." He suddenly remembered that Cecilia was beside him and he turned toward her, wondering if Vicki's father knew of Cecilia. She was his neighbour and his friend after all and he felt that it was only right that he introduced her to the older man. Perhaps it was Vicki who invited Cecilia to the party, though Alec wasn't sure of why as Alexander Zhao surely did not know of her. He turned to Cecilia, who stood rigidly beside him and offered an introduction, "Sir, this is my friend, Cecilia Cheung."
"Cecilia," Alexander Zhao whispered the name as though it were lilting notes upon a harp. He extended a hand toward hers and shook it with interest. His eyes abruptly lost its cynisism and softened as his gaze fell upon the image of the young girl dressed simply in the off-shoulder blue dress. "It's a lovely name."
Alec barely heard her reply when he caught sight of Louis and Kristy from the crowd. Their arms laced together like two love birds, they waved to him earnestly, urging him to come over to them. Kristy, looking gorgeous in a deep blue velvet gown, was laughing at something Louis was saying when Alec came over. Louis, dressed in a simple white shirt and tan blazer, beamed at him in excitement and lowered his speaking voice, as though it was a conspiracy they were planning.
"Man, this party is kick ass cool," Louis cried, his eyes glazing over in delirious heaven as he took in the lavish setting and the expense of the party. "You're so lucky to have a rich girl like Vicki loving you, Alec. If it were the other way around, I'd be on cloud nine. I mean, just LOOK at this bash. It will probably cost me two years of hard labour to afford this party. I envy you, man. You're damn lucky to catch a great and rich girl like Vicki. With an emphasis on rich." He winked at Alec knowingly but grimaced when Kristy's elbow connected with his ribcage sharply.
"You dare and you'll die," Kristy snapped at him teasingly. "Look at another girl and I'll smash your eyeballs out, got it?"
Alec could not help but smile at the crackle of chemisty that existed between his friends. Kristy and Louis were together for a reason and that was because they genuninely loved to be in each other's company. He couldn't believe how naive and pure his friendship with them were two years ago. Were they truly that innocent in the way they looked at the world? It seemed as though the Alec of two years ago and the Alec now were two different people. Alec two years ago was a happy man about to become engaged to the woman he loves. The Alec in reality was a blind man who had lost everything. The contrast was startingly heartwreching to admit. And although Kristy and Louis were being the naive lovers of the past, Alec could not rule them out as suspects to his brother and Vicki's death. But it was so difficult to think that Kristy and Louis would be capable of commiting murder. No, not them....not his friends...
"Hey, you okay?" Louis finally realized that Alec was not even listening to the conversation. His eyes grew concerned as he saw the confusion and frsuteration on his friend's face. He finally smiled and realized the reason why. "What's wrong? Cold feet already on this big night?"
He had almost forgotten. That night, apart from being a birthday celebration, was also the night that his engagement to Vicki would be formally announced. They would be engaged offficially and the whole world would know about it. Engaged to Vicki, but never being able to marry her because Death had come to claim him first. Suddenly, Alec felt as though he were suffocating and the air that he breathed were stale and dry. He couldn't control his emotions and he knew that he could not lose his control in front of Louis and Kristy.
Alec forced himself to snap out of his thoughts and mumbled a faint, "Yea, I think so" before he excused himself away from his friends. He felt Louis' perplexed stare burning behind his back and he knew that he was causing a spectacle of himself for acting so withdrawn. But how could he not? Would anyone believe him if he told them that he was the Alec of two years in the future? The whole concept of time travelling was enough to make his head spin.
A sense of foreboding creeped up his spine as Alec weaved his way past the crowd and made his way up the winding staircase. For some unknown reason, Alec felt as though something bad was going to happen soon and the eerie premonition of it was making his hair stand on end. He needed to see a familiar face -- her familiar face. It was only with Vicki will he be able to find the reason to remain calm. She was the reason why he had agreed to travel back through time upon a Ghost Moon, even in jeopardy of his life. For Vicki -- everything for Vicki.
He needed to see Vicki and he sensed that she was up in her bedroom. The confusion and the noise of tinkering glasses and constantly conversations was making his head pound. He wanted nothing more than to find out the truth and return back to his original body. He needed to find out the truth or die trying.
Vicki's bedroom was on the left of the whirling staircase. Alec's footsteps felt light and airy upon the lush carpets and he creeped down toward the hallway. Her door was partly open and light flooded through the crack. Even from afar, Alec could hear faint conversations from the bedroom. His heart began to pound when he heard Vicki's voice. Vicki...Vicki....He would be able to see her again and hold her again. His Vicki. The need to see her in flesh and blood was making his heart race in anticipation.
He moved forward toward her bedroom, intent on surprising her with his arrival when he stopped in his tracks only seconds before reaching the door. Someone was talking to her in quiet, desperate tones. Someone else was in the room with her. He heard a broken sob and realized that it was Vicki. She was crying? Instinctively, Alec had the urge to step inside the room to comfort her, but a voice made him freeze. He knew that voice. Yes, he knew that voice. A deep frown creased Alec's forehead as his ears strained to listen.
"You know how I feel about you...." The male voice was soft and gentle in its coaxing and reassuring tones. "I've loved you even before he did. I wanted you so much, Vicki. I can give you everything and give up everything for you!"
"Is it because of that one night?" Vicki whispered faintly, her voice shaking with tears. "Do you feel as though you owe me something for what happened?"
Alec could barely believe his ears. He knew that voice – he had recognized it instantly. That voice...that voice...
*You know how I feel about you?*
*Is it because of that one night?*
Alec's breath was almost knocked out from him as the words drifted to his ears. Those words of confession from deep within. These were words that he had not heard two years ago, or else it would have changed his life, changed everything! But now, he could not erase the words from his memory. It pounded in his head like a hammmer onto a nail. He was bleeding inside and dying away. Even as he placed his hands over his ears, these words would not cease. No! He didn't want to hear any more!
His brother and Vicki? His brother loving Vicki? His own brother loving HIS girlfriend?
Alec felt as though someone had physically struck him across the face. Shock and despair gripped him in its clutches. Nicky and Vicki? Why had Vicki not told him anything? How had Nicky fallen in love with his girlfriend and soon to be fiancee? Why did he not know any of this before?
No...this was a nightmare....No! Gasping and choking on the constriction that had lodged itself in his throat, he struggled for composure but found that he was trembling violently. The sense of betrayal and resentment tore at him from within so that he almost collapsed from the sheer feriosity of the pain. The pain lashed out at him, slicing at his flesh and bone. The tears burned behind his eyes, furiously.
And then he was choking. Alec knew that his body had given up on him in reality. His brief glimpse into the past was used up. His body could not handle the pressure of the time travel any longer. Alec struggled to breathe as the air was sucked out from within him but he willed his body not to die now. No, he couldn't die now. He must find out the truth about that night. He must hang on until then.
His hand on his pained chest, he hid inside the vacant room beside Vicki's room and struggled to catch his breath. The burning sensation inside his chest only worsened and Alec knew that he had so little time as it is. He heard Vicki and Nicky's muffled voices grow fainter and finally, he heard footsteps padding down the stairwell. Poking his head out of the vacant room, Alec stole across toward Vicki's room and closed the bedroom door gently behind him. Vicki and Nicky were already downstairs and now was his chance to find out what he had come to discover.
His body was still shaking from the shock of the realization that his brother had loved Vicki all of this time and yet, he had been oblivious of that fact. What had happened between Vicki and Nicky? Were they lovers beneath his nose? Was he simply a fool in his charade? Alec had always known that Vicki and Nicky were good friends and that they got along well. But lovers? Alec struggled to block the image of his brother touching Vicki and thier lips meeting as he began his search for answers. There was no time for hesitation. He had to take action now.
This nightmare was ending now.
____________________________________________________________
"Louis, sorry for barging in like this but someone's taken the car — "
Kristy's sentence was cut off when she felt the coldness of a revolver against the side of head. She had entered Louis' room in her desperation about the missing car. She had felt hungry in the middle of the night and had wanted to go to the local corner store to buy some munchies but found that the rented Acura that they had used for the weekend to Cape Cod was gone. Someone had driven it in the middle of the night and she had the sinking suspicion that it was either Cecilia or Julian because Alec, being blind, could not have operated a moving vehicle. But Louis' room was omniously dark and before she could flip on the lights, a strong muscular arm swung around her neck from behind the door. She was held by the neck, the human arm swining her head back so that she could barely breathe.
"I'll kill you if you scream."
Kristy didn't intend to.
The Horror Begins
Fueled by love,
the Heart thrives in the sun
Fueled by hate,
the Heart shrinks in Hell
Choose your way wisely,
and fuel your soul with pride
Lose your path
and there is no way to turn back
-- Quote from Marlene Kittride's "Fuel of the Soul" ---
When Alec stepped into Vicki's bedroom, a wave of nostalgia hit him like a tidal wave. The room was spacious and overlooked a sprawling landscape of green grass and an oversized pool. Cream and blue wallpaper covered the walls and a lush blue Persian rug cushioned his feet as he moved reluctantly forward. Vicki was raised in a world of luxury and warmth and her room revealed all of that. However, the room was sparsely furnished, as though Vicki craved freedom and did not want her own private space to be hindered by furniture.
A large canopy bed was positioned beside an oval-shaped bay window that was slightly open so that a balmy breeze of wind blew through the room, making the filmy ivory curtains flutter in the breeze like ghostly hands reaching out toward him. A cream-colored bureau stood at the other end of the room, cramped with teddy bears of various sizes. They all wore intricate clothing and looked as new as if they had just been purchased at a toy store recently even though Alec knew that Vicki had kept them with her throughout her childhood. An oak desk stood in the center of the room, displaying a computer and neatly stacked textbooks and a single pad of paper and a few pencils. A towering bookcase stood to the other far end of the room, revealing books of romance and magazines and even some childhood classics like Alice in Wonderland and the Wizard of Oz. Instinctively, Alec glided toward the bookcase and ran his fingers reverently across the leather binding of the nearest manuscript. There were many like it; the browns and tans of the tooled leather books broke up the monotony cream wallpapered walls that curved up to the vaulted ceiling.
Vicki… Her name echoed in his head with longing, dread and sorrow.
It was a lovely room, one that was filled with longing and dreams of a little girl who had everything. Alec had only been permitted to enter her room twice and he had loved the simplicity of it. It was as though the room itself revealed to him who Vicki was as a person. She was beautiful and ethereal in nature and simple in her wishes to be happy. Or at least, that was what he had THOUGHT he knew Vicki to be. But that night, during these odd circumstances of him returning to the past to uncover mystery of a two-year-old murder case, he had discovered at below the surface, he didn't know Vicki at all. He truly did not know what kind of person she was underneath.
* Don't you realize just how much I love you? *
* Is it because of that one night? *
As if caught in a trance, Alec passed her desk and slowly sank onto the cushioned chair, his mind whirling with emotions that he could barely hold at bay. His sense of reason was gone as his anguished eyes fell onto a photograph of Vicki that was tilted at him from a corner of the desk. It was framed in silver and for a moment, a constriction formed in his throat as his eyes bore into the memory of her. As the moonlight fell onto the photograph in radiant beams, it made her look slight and ethereal, as though she could be blown away. The moonlight touched her hair and her face, emphasizing her fragility and the pale translucence of her skin. Her eyes looked even more luminous and large than ever, and her smile sweet and tender as she gazed at the person who was taking her picture. Within that innocent gaze, she stole his breath away.
She looked real enough to step out of the photograph and from somewhere from a remote corner of his brain, Alec heard the echo of her laughter, lilting and divine. He was struck with the desire to hold her again and touch her. But the sense of yearning her all but broke his heart. Because Vicki was not his - she was his brother's woman, his brother's lover. In the long run, perhaps she had never been his to begin with.
In his mind, Alec saw them together on a bed of ivory satin. The glitter of pleasure and passion burned within Nicky's eyes as he lowered himself onto Vicki's body, his hair falling into his eyes. She lay awaiting him, gazing at him in surrender, her long hair swirling like black mist about their exposed bodies as they succumbed to their lust and passion. Their lips met, fierce and demanding and wanting more. And then, the image vanished and Alec was left dumbfounded and out of breath.
The love of his life giving herself to his own brother? Vicki and Nicky?
Anger. Disgust. Loathe. Hatred. The need for understand and the will for revenge.
All of those emotions swirled within him, burning and burning. The sense of dire loss and hatred sliced through him, razor sharp and left him bleeding for mercy. For a brief moment, Alec felt the coldness of the room penetrate through his skin that left him shivering. He could barely believe that Vicki and Nicky could betray him like this. To betray his love and his trust. Even now, moments after he had overheard their conversation, he was still unable to grip onto the harshness of such a reality. Shock had forced the breath from his body and the strain of being suspended in Time, between two different worlds, left him struggling for air.
Alec Su, she never loved you. She used you and used your brother at the same time. But she loved Nicky more. She gave Nicky what she refused to give you. Nicky was the one whom she wanted all along; you were just in the way. Foolish Alec, stupid Alec. Wake up to reality….
He clearly remembered the night in the cave when he had called out to Vicki and she had come. It had been a week before Kristy's fateful party that had dashed all of their dreams. Vicki had been crying and pleading and he had known that there was something upsetting her. Even now, he could feel her anguish and her sense of loss as she clung onto his, crying onto his shoulder. That night, Alec had wanted her so much that the need to have her almost consumed his reason. And yet, he hesitated because Vicki was so pure and beautiful the way she was. He had loved her carefree soul and her loving sense of individuality. He did not want to contaminate her with the grime of his lust and his longing, though he knew his love for her was true. He wanted her clean and pure and lovely, like the earth beneath and the sky above. She was unique that way - in her childlike innocence and her love for the ocean. That night, he remembered that she had swam naked in the shimmering moonlight while his forlorn gaze had watched her from the distance, though his heart called out to join her.
But he was never like Vicki; his fear of water confined him to the imprisonment of land while her love for it freed her. It was then that he had known that she was not like him; that he would be able to hold him within his grasp because he did not have that ability to love her the way she needed to be loved. And so, he had hung back, suppressing the desire for her that swirled within him to allow Vicki to remain the pure soul that he had loved all of his life. He had vowed to wait for her, to wait for the night that she was to be his wife and he could take her into his arms without shame and dishonor. He longed for that night, for that chance. But now, all was lost and gone.
He was a fool to not have seen the reality of the situation before. Vicki was not pure after all. She had already been touched by another, tainted by another -- his brother. She did not want to consummate their relationship, even though she was already his fiancée, because she did not want him. She had longed for Nicky and Alec was the man who could never appease her. Perhaps the Ghost Moon was meant to have given him the power of truth and not the power to change the past. Vicki and Nicky were both dead two years from now, and for the first time in his life, Alec was glad. They deserved it, didn't they? For what they did to him, for what they did to each other, what did he care that their murders were never resolved? He was the one who was left blind, the invalid who had mourned for Vicki day and night, the one who had loved her relentlessly and loyally.
Dead for their sins. Vicki deserved it. Nicky deserved it.
He hated them and cursed them with every fiber in his being. But he still needed to find out the truth about their relationship. The desire to find out made his blood boil and sent his heart racing. The pain came to him again and Alec knew that he had so little time. He had to do it now and the hatred in his heart renewed his senses as he began his search for Vicki's diary. Haven known her since childhood, he knew that she kept one and wrote in it daily. She was a person who never wanted to forget the details of her life and surely, having a fulfilling lover such as Nicky was something that she would want to relive over and over in her mind. The only obstacle was finding the diary before the pain consumed him. But even if he were to die, Alec knew that the truth was worth it.
He needed to know, even if it was too late….too late for everything…
____________________________________________________________
It was a nightmare.
It had to be a nightmare, and in a few more minutes, she would wake up. She would be back in the hotel room and she would be safe. The nightmare would be only a fragment of her imagination and not reality. The darkness would lift and she would get the covers untangled from her arms and legs, and she would look up and see the light of morning flooding through the windows and realize that there was nothing to fear at all.
But as Kristy's mind slowly floated up through the dark waters of sleep, no trace of light appeared to brighten the bleak blackness around her, and the realization that what she was far worse than any nightmare could be. She had no sense of hope left, only despair and fear. The fear was mounting now from within her, deep and solid fear.
She had no idea how long she had been in the darkness. Hours? Probably so. She had no way of knowing. Time no longer had any meaning for her. One minute she was in Louis' hotel room, calling out for him and the next, she had been captured and brought into this world of darkness. Should she try to scream again? But no, not again; she had no more strength. Her vocal cords were already frayed from too much screaming that vibrated through the walls for the past hours.
And no one had heard or will ever hear.
A sob wrenched from her body, but it was a nearly silent sob. As Kristy came fully awake, she waited for the familiar searing pain in her arms. They were tied above her head, the rope from which she hung cinched so tight that if she bent her knees at all, her feet lifted off the floor of her prison and her arms felt as if they were being torn from her shoulders. As that realization seeped through her consciousness, she also became vaguely aware of a new pain. Terrible, cold terror seeped deep within her, seemingly emanating from her numbed shoulders.
Why? Why was this happening to her? What did she do to deserve this betrayal? It was so senseless, so cruel and senseless.
Every time Kristy awakened from those periods of sleep that seemed to bring neither rest nor escape, she'd tried to put what was happening together in some way that made sense. But nothing made any sense!
He was always so kind and considerate. She TRUSTED him; they all had. The moment she had heard his voice breathing against her ear, she had known who he was.
* I'll kill you if you scream *
It had been a threat, something that she had thought she would never hear from him. Gentle and sweet natured, he was always the one whom she would never suspect of harming her. Never in a million years. But he had harmed her and in doing so, he had revealed to her the darkness of man's heart. A devil in disguise as an angel. She was his next victim.
He had pointed the revolver to her head and she had prepared to die. But he had not pulled the trigger. Instead, he had slapped her so violently that she was hurled toward the wall of the hotel room and collapsed into his arms, unconscious. The next memory that she had was of coming slowly awake in the blackness, her arms on fire not only from being held high above her head, but from the chafing ropes she'd been able to feel about her slender wrists.
It was then that she had screamed --- screamed as loud as she could - until finally her sore vocal cords gave out and all that would emerge from her throat was a rasping gasp. The door had opened while she had been screaming and he had appeared before her for a brief moment. The light emanating from the door shone onto his face, onto that charismatic, handsome face that she had once trusted. But now, his face looked eerily frightening and his eyes glittered with calm resolution as he cupped her face into his hands. She struggled out of his grasp, but he held onto her face with quiet strength. Fingertips ran over the smoothness of her face and she had grimaced as he stroked the silken softness of her cheek.
"You're very much like her, you know," He had told her, though she had no idea who he was comparing her to. His eyes took on a strange, soft glow, an almost nostalgic glow. "You're both so young and so very lovely. How I long to possess such ethereal beauty to be mine always. Both of you have that aura of angelic sweetness and innocence. But she was my love, my treasure, and my whole world. You'd never be able to replace her, even if you had tried. Just stay quiet and I won't harm you. I never meant to cause you any pain, Kristy. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Hush and the flames of Hell won't burn you."
"You're psycho!" She had lashed out at him, the tears that slipped down her face wetting the tips of his fingers. "You're a lunatic! Get away from me!"
It was then that the softness of his eyes vanished. His face grew harsh and hard and he faced her with steel-cold eyes that almost stopped her heart from beating. Then, his lips curved into a smile that never met his eyes. She had the sinking sensation that he was looking at her but not seeing her. His eyes were strangely withdrawn and hazed, as though he were seeing an image from his memory and not truly seeing her face before him.
"Don't fight me," He told her. "It never does any good."
He had opened the door again and gave her a final, imploring look before he closed the door again, plunging her into the depths of darkness again. But her eyes had clung to the few images she caught when the door was open and the flooding light had given her a chance to see her surroundings. A basement. She was in a basement with concrete walls, and heavy beams supporting the floor above. Her prison.
Now, as Kristy hung in the darkness with the aching cold pain in her shoulders seeping inexorably into the rest of her body, hunger began to gnaw at her belly, and the indescribable thirst she'd been feeling for the past hours rose up in her parched throat once again. She tried to lick her lips, tried to summon up at least enough moisture to slake the cracking dryness, but her tongue felt like a thick pad of cotton in her mouth, dry and swollen, threatening to choke her.
Slowly, very slowly, the truth began to sink in. She was going to die in this place, in this cruel and horrifying nightmare. That was what the cold meant, that was what the ache in her limbs meant. He was never going to release her because now she knew who he was. Dying - how long would it take? Would it end in a few moments or would the terror and agony of the darkness stretch on for an eternity? End now, please let it end now … .
All she could see was darkness and all she could smell was the familiar scent of the Aspen aftershave that lingered behind from where his fingers had touched her flesh. All that she could feel was fear and dread and utter turmoil.
Tearlessly, silently, Kristy's heart began to cry.
He finally found Cecilia hunched in a far corner of the room, her face buried in her hands. After receiving the phone call from Cecilia that Alec had been brought to the hospital, he had hired a cab to race down the highway as fast as the car was capable of, even with the risk of a speeding ticket. He remembered the tremor in her voice as she choked out the words, "He's not breathing! Louis, come to the hospital right now! Alec is dying!" over the phone and she had hung up as abruptly as her call had came. In his heart, Louis had prayed and prayed that Alec would be spared. He was a good person with a warm heart, even inspite of everything. Alec…Alec, please be alright…
Cecilia looked even more vulnerable and young than Louis could ever imagine she could as he came toward her and took her into his arms. He saw her look of surprise at the swiftness of his arrival. It had taken all of his smooth talking to convince the driver to take chances on his arrival at the hospital in less than ten minutes.
"You're here," She breathed, gasping as the tears slipped down her ashen face. She lowered her head and shook it miserably. "They're trying to revive him, but…."
"No, he's going to make it." Louis interjected, not liking the tone of her voice. He didn't want to think about losing Alec, not again. They had come to close to losing him two years ago and to finally get him back again after his awakening from the coma, it was senseless to think that they'd lose him again. He had so much to live for. "No, he's going to be fine. Alec's a fighter. He'll pull through."
"Where's Kristy?" Cecilia finally noticed that his girlfriend was not behind his heels and she cocked her head to the side, glancing behind him to see if Kristy would come. But there was no one following his footsteps.
"I left her asleep at the hotel," Louis told her, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I didn't think about waking her when I went out to get some snacks at the 711 across the corner. That's when I got your call and I didn't even think about asking her to come along. I could barely catch my hold about what happened. I just basically called a cab and rushed over here." Suddenly, a thought occurred to him and he asked the question that was nagging at him all the way over to the hospital. "Where did you take Alec out so late at night? You took the car, didn't you? What happened to make him suffocate? What's up with that?"
Cecilia blinked at him for a moment and then she whispered hoarsely, "Alec asked me to bring him to the bayou and wanted to be alone. When I found him choking minutes later after I went searching for him, fearful that something might have happened to him." Her lower lip began to quiver as she recalled the paleness of Alec's face and the coldness of his flesh. "He was unrepsonsive to anything I did. I was torn about leaving him to find help or staying by his side. Then Julian came by and began to harass me about--- "
Louis could barely believe his ears. His eyes widened in shock. "Julian?" He cut in in bewilderment. "He followed you and Alec to the bayou? Wha --?" His eyes darkened as he remembered how suspcious Julian had always been about Cecilia and how doubtful he was about her innocence in the accident of two years ago that had stolen Vicki and Nicky's life and left Alec in a coma. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him that made his blood run cold.
Whirling on Cecilia, he caught her by the wrist, his eyes dark with determination and intent. "You didn't tell him the truth, did you?" His voice caught in his throat when he saw the stricken look on her pale face and he groaned inwardly. "Why did you tell him? This was our secret. We had sworn to carry it to our graves! The less people who know about this, the better. You know that this could put everything at risk!"
Cecilia was trembling and Louis instantly regretted raising his voice at her. He had not meant to hurt her because he knew that she was feeling the pangs of suffering, just as he was. They were in the same boat from square one. They had decided to keep their pact in silence, even after so long.
"Julian forced me to tell him," Cecilia mumured, her eyes sparkling with tears as her shoulders hunched in grief. "He forced himself on me and made me tell him. I had no choice, but strangely, a part of me wanted to let the secret go. It's so hard to keep a secret this long, Louis, so very hard. Doesn't the deception just eat away at you? I don't even know if we're doing Alec any good by keeping this secret to ourselves. Are we really protecting his interest or are we just allowing him to believe in a lie because we're afraid?"
Her words penetrated deep within Louis' soul and for the thousandth time since the night two years ago when he and Cecilia had stumbled upon the truth, the doubts and the frustration mounted from deep inside of him. She was right - they were afraid. The fear of the unknown and the fear of losing Alec kept them from freeing the heaviness of their souls with the truth. For Louis, Alec was a friend from childhood who meant the world to him. To Cecilia, Alec was a love whom she could never possess, but she loved him all the same. Vicki and Nicky were dead; they both didn't want to lose any more people to this cruel game of chance. Death was forever. But fear was something that they could control and manipulate. They could not back down now. Not now.
"Cecilia, I'm just as scared as you are," Louis whispered brokenly, wrapping his arms comfortingly around her and clinging to her tight. She wept on his shoulder and shivered slightly in his embrace. He pitied her, this girl who often seemed too fragile at heart and yet had the strongest of wills imaginable. If only Alec could bring himself to love another, to give Cecilia a chance. But Vicki was foremost in his heart and his mind. There would be no other. And now, things were getting even more complicating and coplex beyond his imagination. "We have to keep the secret, you know that. I'll speak with Julian and silence him. He mustn't leak any information to anyone or else all will be lost. We must do this. For Alec."
Cecilia raised her eyes to meet his and finally, she nodded reluctantly but with determination shimmering in those dark depths of her eyes.
"For Alec." She echoed his words.
Strangely, in the light of the waiting room, Cecilia reminded him of Vicki in the earnest innocence of her gaze and the vivid beauty of her youthful face. Wide, clear eyes unhindered by heavy, accented make up and the same high bridge of their nose and the sweetness of the lips. Natural beauty from outside and within. Louis always admired them both in his own way; Cecilia and Vicki were both complex women. They both had that traquil aura about them and they shared the love for the same man. Perhaps Cecilia and Vicki were more similar in more ways than one.
"Are you both the friends of Alec Su?"
Louis momentarily released Cecilia from his arms as the doctor dressed in the green surgical uniform came before them. His eyes were swallowed up by the shadows in the waiting room and Louis could barely breathe against the pain in his chest. Even in the darkness, he could see the outlines of weariness and sorrow etched in the doctor's face. A sense of foreboding hit him then and he felt Cecilia's arms gripping his own as her nails bit into his flesh.
"How - how is he?" He choked out the words.
"He's dead."
Louis heard Cecilia's sharp intake of breath and then from a far remote corner of his brain, he heard a hissing sound. He could barely believe it - Alec was dead? After all that they had been through, after all of the secrecy and the strife - all was for nothing? The image of the doctor whirled in front of him and the hissing sound got louder, echoing in his ears like a snake. Then, there was a loud beeping sound, like that of an alarm of some sort. The sound struck Louis to the very core and he broke away from Cecilia and the doctor and ran down the hallway. He took a sharp turn left, following the sound and finally burst into the nearest ER room. It was silent and dark, except for a single yellow flourescent light shinging like a beacon from within the bleak darkness upon a body streched out before him.
Alec lay still upon the cold metal examination table, his eyes closed. His face was pale as marble and even his lips were pale, bluish and white. He looked like a corpse, unmoving and lifeless as Louis' anguished eyes raked over the body. Memories flooded in his mind as he remembered just when it was that he had realized the full extent of Alec's generosity and the strength of their bond of friendship. The voices of the past came back to haunt him as clearly as the day he and Alec had their confrontation only months before the accident two years ago.
* You did it, didn't you? *
* What do you mean? *
* Louis, don't deny it. I know what you did. *
* So, are you telling me that you're going to tell on me? Is that it? *
* You know that I would never tell. *
* Don't give me all this crap. If you want to tell, then go ahead. *
* I won't, not because I don't think that you're wrong, but because you're my friend. It's not too late to turn back, Louis. I'll keep this secret as long as you repent for what you did. Everyone deserves second chances. I trust you and believe in you. Friendships last a lifetime. Find your way back and find redemption. That's all that I ask of you. *
It was then that Louis knew that he owed Alec so much more than simple gratitude. Alec had given him a new lease on life and from that day on, he had strived never to return to take the wrong paths in life. He was in debt to Alec and his goodness had given Louis repentance for the wrongs that he had done. Now, when it was Alec who had fallen, Louis knew that he would do anything in his power to protect his friend. Even if it meant risking his own life, he would shield Alec from any harm. But now…his friend was dead…dead…dead….
The green bleep of from the EKG screen above the table was flat, glowing eerily in a brilliant way that sent shivers down Louis' spine. He darted a frantic look at Alec's face, grey and ashen and strangely so very cold. Dark circles hung below the fragile, translucent skin and the parched lips were sealed closed. Breathless, dead, gone. Alec was finally at rest and Louis hoped that his soul would find Vicki's soul. They belonged together, forever. In reality, opposing forces had tormented them to be separated, but now in death, their love could be reunited forevermore. The secret did not have to be kept in silence anymore. Alec was gone. It was time to let loose the truth that had haunted him for so long.
"Do you want to know the truth about what happened on that night two years ago, Alec? I'll tell you…"
Bending over the body, Louis placed his mouth gently against Alec's ear and began to remember.
________________________________________________________________________
The diary was found underneath her bed, tucked away in a corner. It had taken him fifteen minutes to search Vicki's room for it and when he had found it, he settled back on the bed to read. He was beyond exhaustion then and panting, his fingers tore open the rose-colored, leather bound book. His eyes blurred before him and the pain in his chest was expanding throughout his body so that he could barely hold the book upright without having the sensation of passing out.
The effort of struggling to remain in the world of the past was killing him. Alec felt a rush of dread in his heart and knew that it was over the twenty minute limit since he had been caught in Time. His body in the present time must be dead for almost an hour now or more. The pages trembled in his hands as he clutched onto the fine pages and forced his watering eyes to read what was imprinted on the page. The book was open half-way and he searched the dates and settled upon an entry dated four months before the accident. Vicki's familiar, lucid writing flowed from the thin, delicate pages of her diary and Alec's eyes scanned the words frantically, searching for any clues of her romance with Nicky.
No .. there was just information about her shopping spree with Kristy, a fight she had with her mother, a movie date with him, and … Finally, Alec caught sight of an entry that made his blood run cold. His eyes widened in horror and stark disbelief as he began to read the truth about Vicki's life.
Vicki, I never knew you at all ...
____________________________________________________________
January, 6th
Dear Diary,
He touched me again tonight and I could do nothing but lie there, motionless and pretend that this wasn't happening to me, to my body. His fingers make my skin tremble and I feel nothing but shame and humiliation as he touches and runs his fingertips down my face, as he always loved to do. He called me beautiful and wished that he could possess me forever more. Possession of another. That was the rule in which he lived by and the rule which binded me from any chance of escape from him. I wished that I were dead but I'm too cowardly to take my own life. I've tried many times to go through with it, but in the end, I couldn't bear to end it this way. Am I useless? I think so. Useless and caught within a nightmare that will never cease. He will never let me go free.
Sometimes I gaze out at the ocean in the bayou and I dream with all of my heart to be like the fishes in the sea and escape. I swim late at night to struggle to cling onto any ounce of sanity that I will have and let the waters clean my soul, though I know that nothing will make me pure again. I feel so dirty that no matter how many showers I take, how hard I scrub myself, I still feel soiled.
Only here in my bedroom do I feel safe, surrounded by my own belongings and my things and my diary. This is my haven and my place of seclusion. Here I can undress myself and see all of the bruises he had made upon my skin and gaze at the horror that is reflected back at me in the mirror. The scars are there, the bruises are swollen and aching. My gums even hurt from the force of the slap that he gave to me tonight. But my heart hurts the most.
Late at night, I wake up with nightmares and cold sweats, gasping at the pain that strikes out at my heart. I ache with shame. I often just stare at my own reflection with the tendancy to just strike out at the glass. I'm too hideous to look at. The girl with those big eyes haunt me because I know that I'm not the vibrant Vicki on the inside. Vicki on the inside is no one. I think that I've aged so much and I'm still surprised that my hair hasn't changed color yet. Inside, I feel as though I'm an aging woman, withering away to nothing. He called me beautiful but I see nothing but a wretched girl who deserved this abuse. I asked for it, didn't I? Sometimes I wonder whose fault this is that this nightmare is a reality for me. I wonder what I did that could have made him treat me this way. It is surely my fault being the evil little girl that I am.
Alec asked me to marry him today and I was selfish enough to say yes. I wanted to marry him so much that it made me almost forget that my body has been tainted. He looked so earnest and boyishly shy as he went down on bended knee to propose to me. The ring was simple and yet elegant as it shimmered on my finger after he slipped it on. The diamond shone like stars in the night, but they were not as bright as his eyes. I knew that Alec had worked the whole summer to save enough money to buy this ring that was his labour of love for me. I wanted to cry with joy and hold him forever in my arms. When he asked me to marry him again, because he could not believe that I had consented, I nodded my head in definate joy. He scooped me into his arms as though I were a mere child and swung me around and around until I could barely catch my breath.
But I was deliriously happy for the first time in my life. Happiness. I don't deserve it. Alec doesn't deserve a girl like me. He is worthy of so much more. I can't even look at him in the eye today when he began to plan for our future together. But I know that there won't be a future for Alec and I because he will stop it. He who claims that he loves me and calls me beautiful will stop it. I am afraid for Alec's safety. It is too late for me to draw back my acceptance of his engagement ring. But I can protect Alec from the truth and make certain that he will never be harmed. That is all that I can do. I don't deserve any of this happiness nor will I know that I will ever feel it again. But just once, Alec has given me that and that is more than enough. I can dream, can't I?
Even though I screamed from the pain tonight, he simply smiled at me and reassured me that fighting him would do no good. And I know that it was true. I can't fight against him.
I will swim again tonight in the waters of the bayou and try to rid myself of the sensation of his touch on my skin and wash my hair so that my body does not reek of his Aspen aftershave. But I will always feel tainted and soiled by what he had made me into.
His scent, his touch, his woman.
My soul is his because I am his.
Vicki
