Chapter Eleven
"Merrie, I miss him,"I whined, crossing my legs on the couch, pulling a pillow against my chest. It had been two weeks. Two freakin weeks. You would think one of us would be less stubborn and call wouldn't you. But no, there had been no call from Nick and I missed him more than I could express. I hoped wherever he was that he was just as miserable as I was.
Meredith, who was now currently flipping through the latest copy of Modern Bride, looked up at me. "I know Angela. I've only heard it for the past two weeks. If you don't call him soon, I will. And trust me, you don't want me to get a hold of that boy because I'll chew him out. So you better do it."
I knew she was serious. She had been ready to strangle me all week, and I couldn't really say that I blamed her. All kinds of crazy thoughts had been running through my head since we had the fight. What if he found someone else? What if he doesn't think I'm good enough? What if he doesn't really love me like I love him? That was the one that got me everytime. That was the thought that made me fall apart everytime it crossed my mind. I knew I was being neurotic and paranoid, but I couldn't help it. I love him so much that it scared me. The last time I thought I was in love didn't even compare to the feelings that I have for Nick. The fact that he didn't think I was good enough for him broke my heart. I couldn't really blame him all that much though.
"Honey you're crying again,"Meredith said gently.
"I can't help it,"I said softly as another tear fell down my cheek.
"I know this is killing you Ang. Just call him ok sweetie? Call him,"Meredith said and picked up the phone, handing it to me.
I looked at it then looked back at her,"But what if-"
"NO. I've been hearing 'what ifs' for the past two weeks. Don't you want to call him and find out all the answers Angela?"Meredith said, looking me in the eye.
"Yes,"I whispered. And I desperately did. I wanted to know what he really thought about me. I wanted to know if he loved me like I loved him. But what if he didn't. "But I can't Meredith. I need to get out. Are you going to come with me or am I going alone?"
Meredith looked at me and sighed softly, putting the glossy magazine down, but not before dog-earing a corner of a particular page. "I guess so, I'm not letting you go into the city by yourself now. Not with you all crazy and emotional. You're not a fun drunk though so you better not get plastered."
"I won't,"I muttered, knowing that getting drunk was exactly what I needed to forget about Nick right now.
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Nick Interlude
"Nick what's with you lately dude?"Brian asked me. God, I had been freakin sleeping and the asshole has to wake me up to ask what's up with me??? He's been so annoying lately, always wanting to know what the hell is going on with Angela. How should I know?? She flipped out on me and I don't know what's going on.
"What's going on with Angela?" Of course Brian would have to continue with his daily pattern. Actually he asks me this like 3 fucking times a day.
"I dunno man. I don't wanna talk about this right now." There. Maybe he'll take the hint and go away so I can sleep. I'm really not in the mood for a friendly chat.
"Get your head out of your ass Nick ok?"Brian warned. "She loves you and lords knows you love her. Stop being such a jackass and call her." Or maybe he won't take the hint. YES I love her. A lot actually. I've never felt this way about anyone. She's such an incredible person and probably the hottest girl I've ever seen in my life...but that's besides the point. He can be so dense sometimes. I blinked trying to focus on him because my eyes were blurred. It was a long night last night, if you catch my drift. I went out with AJ. 'Nuff said.
"You don't even know what's going on Brian so just stay the hell out of it,"I told him sharply. When's he ever going to go away and just leave me alone. I don't need anymore sermon's from Brian.
"Do you even know what's going on Nick??"Brian pointed out. Ok, now I know we've been through this already. NO, I don't know what's going on. Angela flipped shit on me and I'm confused. That's what's going on. YES I want to call her. NO I don't know what to say.
"We've been through this five hundred MILLION times Brian!"I yelled. "Get the hint already bro. I love her ok, I love her more than I've ever loved any girl in my life. She's like my other half, but I don't know what to say to her. I don't know what I did or what I said or what's going on." And that was the truth.
Brian shrugged,"Maybe it was PMS?"
I groaned. Jesus mary and joseph... "Beats the hell out of me Brian."
"Ok so what happened exactly?"He asked curiously.
Ok maybe if I tell him he'll go away,"It was about two weeks ago and we were on the phone and I was tellin her to come on tour with us coz I missed her right, and so says she can't and I was like well I can't come up there coz I actually had something to do and that my job was a little more demanding and-"
I stopped talking because Brian was currently shaking his head at me. The little shit was actually shaking his head at me! What did I do now??
"There's the mistake. Man, do you know women at all? You made her life sound inferior and less important than yours."Brian explained, looking at me like I was a dumbass.
WHAT?? I made her life sound less important?? I didn't mean to! God, I know I'm blond and people think I'm a dumbass, but I'm really not I swear. I have my moments but I really didn't know I was offending her. I wasn't trying to! And she insulted me too. "I didn't know I was doing it. And she said stuff to me too." I had to at least try and defend myself, right?
Brian laughed a little,"I don't blame her. And you know how women are." Yeah, well now I do.
"Ok so what do I do?"I asked. I gotta fix this right? Even though I didn't mean to do it, I still love her and she means everything to me. I can't sleep good at night at all since we had that fight. I think about her constantly. I mean, Jesus, what if she found someone else. The thought made me shudder and I pushed it out of my mind. I don't know what I would do if she found someone else. I loved her too much.
Brian gave me a pat on my shoulder, looking amused, I might add. "Be romantic Nicky."
I stared at him with a frown, letting him know I didn't appreciate his smirk. I was capable of that right? I've been romantic before. A lot. Ok so not a lot, but that's not the point. I can be romantic goddammit.
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Back to Angela
Everything was so foggy. Foggy and spinny. Spinny, is that even a word? I giggled,"The room's spinny Mere."
She glared at me looking like she was ready to punch me. Why? I didn't do anything to her, geez. Meredith took her arm from around me. Wow the room really was spinny. Next thing I knew I was on the floor in a heap of leather. I laughed. It was funny, why wasn't Meredith laughing. Oh Merrie, Merrie, Merrie...Why does she keep looking at me like that? Why's she mad?
"I love you Merrie,"I said sweetly with a giggle. Trying my damnest to get up off the floor. Damn spinny room. Damn stupid shoes.
"I told you not to get drunk Angela! What the hell's the matter with you??"she yelled.
I cringed. Why'd she have to yell? Besides, who was drunk, I wasn't drunk. I finally made it up off the floor and stumpled to her. I swear to god the floor is moving! "Don't be mad Merrie."
"You can't drink every time you have a fight with him Angela,"She raved throwing her arms in the air as she made her way to the kitchen. I tried to follow her but my head was really foggy and I swear there was definitely two Merediths...
"Go to sleep Angela!"she demanded practically throwing a glass of water at me. I still don't understand why she was yelling...
I drank the water in one gulp. God, I was thirsty. And suddenly very, very tired...
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My eyes fluttered opened. Holy crap. Did I get run over by a truck last night? Make that two Hess trucks and a bull dozer. And I think the sun is going to blind me. And Meredith is freakin SINGING in the kitchen. Loudly, I might add. Whatsa matter with that girl?? I peered down at my clothes. The same black leather dress and boots from the previous night. I remembered bits and pieces, but not that much. Just enough to remember I acted like an ass. A total complete ass. I never get that drunk and I was ashamed of myself. My hand flew to my head to try to stop the pounding and I groaned.
"Morning,"Meredith muttered to me as I stood up.
"Hey,"I replied. I guess I should apologize to her. She's probably really, really pissed. "Listen Mere, I'm so sorry for-"
"Acting like a jackass? Getting drunk to try and solve your problems? Dragging me down with you?"she snapped, putting down her cup of coffee rather roughly on the table, her blue eyes were icy as she gave me the death stare. Whoa, where'd that come from, should I be afraid? I know I was wrong, but geez. I was actually going to give her a nice little apology something along the lines of 'sorry for my behavior last night, it won't happen again' but she just ruined that one.
"God Mere, I don't need a sermon. I was wrong ok? I'm sorry. Please don't make me feel worse than I actually do,"I told her, turning away from her angry stare, retreating to my room. I didn't feel like listening to her chew me out about something that I apologized for.
"Go ahead and run away Angela. It's what you're good at isn't it? When you don't feel like dealing with something you run. Just like with Nick. You can't deal with the fact that you love him and you're scared. So you ran. And now you don't feel like dealing with me so you're hiding. It's getting to be a habit with you,"Meredith said, rather nastily. How DARE she! How dare she say that to me. I've knows the girl for over 20 years and she has the audacity to say that I run from all my problems. Where the hell does she get off saying that?? To say I was fuming was an understatement.
"HOW DARE YOU! How can you fucking say that to me? And just to let you know I'm not running away from anything!"I yelled. I could feel my face flush up from the anger as I stalked into my room. I'd show her.
"Oh REALLY? Then where the hell are you going Angela??"Meredith screamed after me.
I grabbed my suitcase and poked my head outside of the door. "I'm being spontaneous and daring and I'm NOT running away from the problem. I'm going to it. I'll show you how much I run away from things Meredith."
Ok, so I know I was acting insane and Meredith was probably scared out of her mind of me right now and well I don't blame her. But when I get angry I do crazy stuff. Right now was a perfect example. And right now I've hit the wall and gone completely mad.
"So you're just going to track Nick down and fly down there?"
"Ding, ding, ding. What do we have for her Johnny?"
Ok so now Meredith was looking at my like I was a complete lunatic. She was giving me the 'what-the-fuck-are-you-out-of-your-mind' look. Like I said, I don't blame her. "You're crazy Angela, you know that?"
"I don't care. I am not going to run away. I'm going to fix things. Today."
"Things can be fixed over the phone,"Meredith said gently, using the tone that people in insylums use with the mentally disturbed.
"Not the way I want them to be fixed. I love him Meredith and I'm not going to run away,"I told her softly, not really caring if she thought I was certifiable or not.
"Ok, if it's what you want,"she gave in, picking up her coffee cup with a sigh.
"It is. And Mere?"I said. I had to fix things with her before I went to see Nick.
She looked up,"Yeah?"
"I really am sorry."
And Meredith understood that I really was. She smiled,"I know."
And I smiled back and she gave a little laugh,"Now go fix things with your hot Backstreet Boy, girl!"
