I love it when people open themselves up to public ridicule. (surprising, yes)

I was in walgreens playing football with Andey. (Well, this was after we broke the plastic of the toilet paper wrapping, so the game was actually over.) We stopped at the cash register, as most customers do. I grabbed some chocolate to dangle in front of Andey's nose (I am mean like that) and noticed that a large rhinocerous of a woman was lumbering towards me. I leaned back quickly to return the chocolate to its natural habitat before Grandma Rhino arrived. My arm was sliding back to my side when she got there and I gave her a quick apology because my parents brought me up to be polite like that. (Mom, if you are reading this, please send me money. I love you. P.S. Andey wants some too.)

Apparently there was something large residing in this woman's bum (aside from the fat) and she gave me quite the huffy, "EXCUSE ME!" I had no problem doing this, of course, as I was already gone.

I turned to Andey and raised my eyebrows. (Ideally, I would have raised just one, but I can't do that.) She met my glance and we shared a "people are idiots" look. (a common form of roommate bonding) I shook my head and murmured, "Imagine saying 'Excuse me' after someone moves." I glanced over at the object of my criticism and my eyes bulged in horrified fascination as I noticed what she was wearing. I turned away quickly, concerned that loud laughter and pointing might put to rest all the good things my mother taught me growing up. (I love you, Mommy. Please note above request.)

"Imagine going into public, " I whispered to Andey, "wearing stretchy STIRRUP PANTS!"

Just then a cashier ran up behind the rhino's counter as she sunk her teeth into a candy bar. The cashier said she had been running around so much that night she had to have lost ten pounds. The rhino did not comment, but merely chewed on. I stared at the study in contrast that had been set in front of me. On one side of the counter, a normally shaped young woman claiming to be taking off weight. On the other side stood an old woman with an ass that would make Jennifer Lopez shudder...and she was eating a candy bar. Perhaps the idea to wear stretch pants was an effort to leave room for growth, but I can't be certain.

As I walked out I contemplated the psychosis that would lead to stirrup pants more than a decade too late on someone more than a little too heavy. With entertaining (albeit disturbing) thoughts like this...how could Andey really expect me to remember to bring the water?